Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #218| An Email Isn't An Emergency—How a Short Pause Helps Avoid People Pleasing
Transcript
- 0:04Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:12Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:17Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:22Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:31Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:33Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining us today.
- 0:35Michelle Gauthier: You know, I was thinking about this the other day with one of my clients who's working on becoming a not people pleaser.
- 0:42Michelle Gauthier: I don't know how you say that.
- 0:44Michelle Gauthier: She's learning to stop people pleasing.
- 0:46Michelle Gauthier: And one of the things that we talked about was her doing that via text message.
- 0:51Michelle Gauthier: Email and honestly, text too are two of the best places to practice, not people pleasing.
- 0:56Michelle Gauthier: Because you have time on your side.
- 0:58Michelle Gauthier: You don't have to answer in the moment and you can pause and take a breath and think about what you actually want to say.
- 1:03Michelle Gauthier: So what I'm going to talk to you about today is why you do not have to reply immediately and that you shouldn't, how to figure out what you really want to say.
- 1:12Michelle Gauthier: And then the third thing is whatever you thought you wanted to say, say less.
- 1:16Michelle Gauthier: Let's imagine that you get a text message and you hear the little ding or whatever notification you get and you look and you're immediately like, I have to reply right now.
- 1:24Michelle Gauthier: I know some people feel the same too about their email inboxes.
- 1:27Michelle Gauthier: When they check their email, they feel like they need to reply immediately to all of the emails, especially if it's from a boss or someone who you perceive to be waiting for your response.
- 1:37Michelle Gauthier: Point one is to remember text messages and emails are very rarely an actual emergency and that you can take some time to formulate your response.
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: Okay.
- 1:48Michelle Gauthier: So once you have not replied and you give yourself just a second, take a deep breath and figure out what you actually want to say.
- 1:56Michelle Gauthier: Think about if you want to say yes or no.
- 1:59Michelle Gauthier: And if you aren't sure about if you want to say yes or no or how to say no, listen to episode 61.
- 2:07Michelle Gauthier: We'll link it in the show notes, but it covers the love and fit test, which is how to figure out if you want to say yes or no.
- 2:14Michelle Gauthier: And it has 11 scripts of the words to actually say when you want to say no.
- 2:20Michelle Gauthier: So pause, figure out what you actually want to say.
- 2:24Michelle Gauthier: Let's just say one of your coworkers has asked you to cover for something that you do not want to or do not have time to cover.
- 2:31Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so now you haven't responded.
- 2:33Michelle Gauthier: You've taken the time to figure out that you actually want to say no, and then start formulating what you want to say.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: Let's imagine that you type back, gosh, I really wish I could, but I just can't cover you.
- 2:42Michelle Gauthier: I'm super busy.
- 2:43Michelle Gauthier: I'm working on this other project.
- 2:45Michelle Gauthier: The other project I have to go to this meeting and that meeting, etc.
- 2:48Michelle Gauthier: So what I'm getting out of that is you want to say no and you want to give a lot of reasons why you want to say no.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: The third point is to say less.
- 2:58Michelle Gauthier: So whatever you think you need to say, say less.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: Read your message and think, what can I take out of this?
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: You could say, I'm not available, but I hope it goes great.
- 3:07Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for thinking of me.
- 3:09Michelle Gauthier: I can't this time.
- 3:10Michelle Gauthier: Even just no, thank you.
- 3:12Michelle Gauthier: And it feels weird at first, and you'll definitely want to overexplain, but this is how you practice to stop people pleasing.
- 3:20Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so see if you can do these three steps today.
- 3:22Michelle Gauthier: Get a text message, don't reply immediately.
- 3:25Michelle Gauthier: Pause and think about what you really want to say.
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: Maybe even type up what you want to say and then say less and hit send.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: If you can consistently do that, you will really get in the practice that it takes to stop people pleasing and say no when you actually want to say no.
- 3:41Michelle Gauthier: Once you've got it down there, you can move on and give it a whirl and try it out in person when someone asks you something face-to-face.
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: And in that case, you always have the opportunity to say, oh, thanks for asking.
- 3:52Michelle Gauthier: I'll get back to you.
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: Okay, friends, that is my quick tip for today.
- 3:56Michelle Gauthier: Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions, and I will see you next week.
- 4:04Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 4:07Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com.
- 4:13Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.