Latest / Fartmouth / 334 - Zero Dark Squirty

Transcript

334 - Zero Dark Squirty · Fartmouth

0:00
SPEAKER_02: But like that's why I'm I'm I'm trying to wait wait wait yeah before we do anything Okay what the fuck are you drinking?
0:09
SPEAKER_04: You're talking about this?
0:11
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's very different than your usual fair just the bottle color.
0:16
SPEAKER_05: You're talking about the BLPs, dude?
0:21
SPEAKER_05: You're asking me about the BLPs, dude?
0:24
SPEAKER_05: Is that what that is?
0:26
SPEAKER_05: The crisp and refreshing taste of a Bud Light Platinum is what guys like me drink.
0:35
SPEAKER_05: I'm a new guy, Jake.
0:37
SPEAKER_05: I drink Bud Light Platinum because I'm a new guy.
0:42
SPEAKER_05: I got a new haircut.
0:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
0:44
SPEAKER_05: I'm a different guy now.
0:46
SPEAKER_05: They chopped off the shitty parts of me, and now I'm a platinum guy.
0:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm also sponsored by Bud Light Platinum.
0:56
SPEAKER_05: Now I got a personal sponsorship.
0:59
SPEAKER_05: They were like, you don't really do anything online or in television or movies, but you're a rad guy.
1:07
SPEAKER_05: You seem like a platinum fella.
1:09
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
1:09
SPEAKER_05: I like the hair.
1:11
SPEAKER_05: We like the beard, the swagger.
1:14
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
1:15
SPEAKER_05: You're an ambassador for Bud Light Platinum.
1:18
SPEAKER_05: Now, this is where I'm gonna have to like, all right, hang on.
1:21
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna cut the mics real quick and tell you something personally.
1:24
SPEAKER_05: Alright.
1:25
SPEAKER_05: Now no one's listening.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: These taste like shit.
1:29
SPEAKER_05: I fucking hate these, by the way.
1:32
SPEAKER_05: Uh normally I'm like six to eight beers deep by now.
1:36
SPEAKER_05: I've had four of these and I fucking hate them.
1:39
SPEAKER_05: I will never I'll keep I'll hawk them because like they're paying me too.
1:44
SPEAKER_05: Oh, right, yeah.
1:44
SPEAKER_05: I think what I'm what I'm probably gonna do, because they're like a twist cap kind of deal, I'll pop it off, I'll pour it into the garbage can.
1:51
SPEAKER_05: It doesn't like my toilet's too good for how these are fucking awful.
1:57
SPEAKER_05: I'll pour it out and I'll pour Mikkelob Ultra or Butt or Miller, anything.
2:02
SPEAKER_05: Anything but this.
2:02
SPEAKER_05: This is fuck, dude.
2:03
SPEAKER_05: It doesn't taste like beer.
2:04
SPEAKER_05: It's do you want to try like I've had them.
2:06
SPEAKER_05: They're I've had them before.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: They're awful.
2:09
SPEAKER_02: I thought that might be what that was.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: Dude, like the everything like legitimately, this whole time we've been recording, I have noticed that your beer's a different color.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I uh I had to know.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: Alright, I caught the mics back on.
2:22
SPEAKER_05: So anyway, I fucking love Bud Light Platinum.
2:25
SPEAKER_05: You can find it at uh hijab gas stations and whatever liquor store you fucking live by.
2:33
SPEAKER_05: Buy it, and I get a penny per bottle cap.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: You remember uh you remember Bud Ice?
2:40
SPEAKER_02: I do remember Bud Ice.
2:41
SPEAKER_02: That was like their answer for like Keystone or something.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: You know, it was like a cheaper, like it it I don't even know what they were trying to do with that.
2:49
SPEAKER_02: That's what I felt like at the time in 2009 or 10.
2:53
SPEAKER_05: I think it was their answer to Natty Ice, right?
2:54
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, sure.
2:55
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
2:56
SPEAKER_05: Because that was the like they the cheap beers.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: That's was their answer for like the cheap shit beer.
3:02
SPEAKER_05: Which I don't I don't really understand because they don't like do anything differently.
3:07
SPEAKER_05: Right.
3:07
SPEAKER_05: So like here's a little thing I know Budweiser makes Bud, Bud Light, Bush, Bush Light, Michelobe, and I think there's one more I can't remember.
3:20
SPEAKER_05: There's yeah, but I I actually found out because I in jujitsu I know a guy that is like a distributor for Anheuser Busch, and he said that Busch Light No no, sorry, let me start that over.
3:38
SPEAKER_05: He said Michelob Ultra is triple filtered Bush Light.
3:43
SPEAKER_05: Busch, you take Bush, you filter it once, that's Bush Light.
3:48
SPEAKER_05: You filter it two more times, that's Michelobe Ultra.
3:51
SPEAKER_05: So what they're allowed to do legally is put Michelobe Ultra in bushlight cans and sell you that without any hassle, but because of calories and the FDA and shit, they can't do the reverse.
4:07
SPEAKER_05: They can't put bushlight in Mic Ultra because lower calorie.
4:11
SPEAKER_05: But they can do the rever like they can literally put Michelob Ultra.
4:14
SPEAKER_05: What they've done it before.
4:15
SPEAKER_05: They said he said they ran out of bushlight and they had like so many that they had to distribute, so they and they had Michelob Ultra in a fucking vat.
4:24
SPEAKER_05: Right.
4:24
SPEAKER_05: And they just put it in bushlight cans of bottles and distributed it to some, you know, poor fuck who was like, I want a nice middle of the road light beer.
4:35
SPEAKER_05: I want 126 calories worth of beer per beer.
4:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
4:40
SPEAKER_05: And the poor Yokel got 96 calories.
4:43
SPEAKER_05: Like the fucking fool he is.
4:45
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
4:45
SPEAKER_05: What a piece of shit.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: Have you ever tried to chug an IPA?
4:51
SPEAKER_05: No, I get about I I I think like six of the six of the eight gazillion molecules touches my tongue, and I'm so repulsed in that the atoms breach the my lips, and it's so gross and bad and shitty and gay that I immediately projectile vomit those six molecules out of my mouth.
5:15
SPEAKER_05: You don't even see it.
5:16
SPEAKER_05: So quick.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: It's microscopic.
5:17
SPEAKER_05: It's kind of like uh it repel like it's magnets.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
5:21
SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh I I used to get IPAs every week when I was like just turning 21 and I was going to band practice and shit.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: I would like I would get like two singles of whatever IPA I wanted to try, and sometimes different, you know, the two different beers.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: And uh so I tried a lot of them, but I I can't I'm trying to remember what the occasion was.
5:43
SPEAKER_02: I just remember that it was Mike from The Sheep pressuring me to chug a uh an IPA, and I did, and my stomach hurt for like 30 minutes.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, dude.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: It was so heavy.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: They're so bad with that.
5:56
SPEAKER_05: Like I one time I went to this place, me and a couple of my friends from back in the day, uh went to this like German bar slash eatery, and uh I was looking through their beer list and I was thinking economics because I was like 22, 23.
6:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I was like, I want to get as fucked up as I can with as little money as possible.
6:18
SPEAKER_05: So I'm looking at their beer list and they have the alcohol by volume of each beverage, and I'm like, well, this one's 13.5% alcohol, and it costs the same as this one that's six percent.
6:31
SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
6:31
SPEAKER_05: So I'll just get that.
6:33
SPEAKER_05: And they had fish bowls, which by the way, is just a fucking fat, gnarly looking wine glass.
6:40
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
6:41
SPEAKER_05: It sounds cooler than it is.
6:43
SPEAKER_05: Right.
6:44
SPEAKER_05: Uh it's probably the same ounces as a normal glass.
6:48
SPEAKER_05: Oh, really?
6:48
SPEAKER_05: It's probably about the same.
6:50
SPEAKER_05: It just like the glass is so thick, it's like this is trickery.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: I drank a fishbowl margarita like three weeks ago.
6:57
SPEAKER_02: I got pretty fucked up on the bottom.
6:59
SPEAKER_05: Maybe it was just the place I maybe the the place I went, they're like a big margarita.
7:03
SPEAKER_05: They bought manipulative fish bowls.
7:05
SPEAKER_05: There's a bunch, dude.
7:06
SPEAKER_05: But I had three bat it's called Backwoods Bastard.
7:09
SPEAKER_05: And it tasted like liquor.
7:12
SPEAKER_05: Like it had Jaegermeister vibes to it.
7:14
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
7:15
SPEAKER_05: And I was like, God damn, no wonder this gets you fucked up.
7:17
SPEAKER_05: I was handy.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, dude.
7:19
SPEAKER_02: I uh when I I was uh this was like a decade ago-ish.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh I just took a date to a brewery in town that was still open.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: It's closed now.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: What was his name?
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And ha and uh and uh got the fucking pumpkin spice beer they had just as a goof, you know?
7:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was like, we'll try that.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: It was like 12% or something, dude.
7:44
SPEAKER_02: I had one and I was flying.
7:47
SPEAKER_05: Dude, it makes you dizzy because you drink it like a beer, but it's like a liquor.
7:51
SPEAKER_05: It's weird because normally with liquor, you're sipping on like a cocktail that's like one shot's worth, and but man, I don't know, they just it goes down different because I drank three of those things and I was fucking shit hammered.
8:06
SPEAKER_05: And like, yeah, mind you folks at home, I was you know, a young man.
8:11
SPEAKER_05: I was barely old enough to drink, and I remember we left that place and I raced my friend down the main expressway in our town.
8:18
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
8:19
SPEAKER_05: I was going like 98 in a fucking Dodge Dakota.
8:24
SPEAKER_05: Hammered off my ass.
8:25
SPEAKER_05: I should have either grecked or been in jail.
8:28
SPEAKER_05: It was fucking silly, but it was a good time.
8:30
SPEAKER_05: I had a gigantic fucking pretzel and dipped it in beer cheese.
8:33
SPEAKER_05: It was amazing.
8:34
SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah, dude.
8:35
SPEAKER_05: I had a good time.
8:36
SPEAKER_05: But uh I guess we should probably do a show.
8:39
SPEAKER_05: Should probably like actually do this show.
8:40
SPEAKER_05: The folks are in the Cometown.
8:42
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, this isn't a meander bullshit puck.
8:44
SPEAKER_05: Maybe it should be.
8:45
SPEAKER_05: Maybe segments are gay.
8:46
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
8:46
SPEAKER_05: We'll think about it.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: Comment, which by the way, I think we didn't do the comments last week.
8:51
SPEAKER_05: It's good to do it every other, I feel like a nice handful.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: Because then if we like don't have any one weekend, then it's not as big of a deal.
8:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, the people out there, the conspiracy theorists, the tinfoil fatters, uh, which is what I guess you could call my fan base, the tinfoil fatters, um would probably be like, oh, they probably didn't get any comments this week.
9:13
SPEAKER_05: That's why they're not reading.
9:13
SPEAKER_05: It's like, no, dude, we're just dumb.
9:15
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
9:16
SPEAKER_05: Anyway.
9:19
SPEAKER_05: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
9:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think.
9:21
SPEAKER_05: I did it backwards.
9:21
SPEAKER_05: I did it, I did it backwards.
9:22
SPEAKER_02: By the way, impromptu what?
9:27
SPEAKER_02: Impromptu before we even do the intro.
9:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: And I might have forgotten what I was about to say because of all the commotion.
9:34
SPEAKER_05: I think it was gonna be an impromptu fuck you piece of shit to me.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: It was, but it wasn't you.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: What what did you just say?
9:40
SPEAKER_05: Uh tinfoil fatters, people that say there's no comments, but we're dumb.
9:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, fuck you piece of shit, Elon Musk.
9:50
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
9:51
SPEAKER_02: And his website.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: They put a temporary now, I don't even know if it's temporary or permanent or what.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: I just get a random notification that says you've got a label on your account.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: You've got mail.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: Because you've done suspicious things that seem like you're you're whatever spamming and shit.
10:08
SPEAKER_02: And I don't I don't know what that's about.
10:11
SPEAKER_02: Are you a Russian bot?
10:13
SPEAKER_02: It's stupid.
10:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, and and you you it's very difficult to appeal, it's very difficult to figure out how to do anything on the fucking stupid ass website.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: So I might be done with it, dude.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: I mean, my reach is bad, apparently.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: Like it affects your reach.
10:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure why you're doing that.
10:33
SPEAKER_02: I got a tootsie roll, so maybe quite ASMR right now in here.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: So maybe I mean a tootsie roll.
10:42
SPEAKER_02: And I just thought I'd eat it.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Gays will come back up later, but fuck Elon Musk, real quick in the ass.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: Lame piece of shit.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, mind's sleep, Fartmouth University.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: Whether you're from Kazakhstan or Kentucky, you're probably fucking cheap.
11:09
SPEAKER_02: I think I put an extra syllable on that.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: He probably does.
11:13
SPEAKER_05: I liked it.
11:14
SPEAKER_05: I liked it a lot.
11:16
SPEAKER_05: Welcome everyone to Fartmouth Podcast.
11:19
SPEAKER_05: A show whose host can't say he's joined the Mile High Club, but he has joined the Kyle High Club.
11:27
SPEAKER_05: You know what that is?
11:28
SPEAKER_05: Is that where you blew a guy named Kyle?
11:30
SPEAKER_05: That's when you chug a white monster and slap your girlfriend because she won't shut up on the plane about how it's taking forever.
11:36
SPEAKER_05: And are we there yet?
11:37
SPEAKER_05: Oh man.
11:39
SPEAKER_05: Every week we do a few rotating segments to make each other laugh.
11:41
SPEAKER_05: I'm Tyler.
11:42
SPEAKER_05: I'm Jake.
11:43
SPEAKER_05: And I hate Bud Light.
11:44
SPEAKER_05: Platinum.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: I did, I did send to the fucking band group chat a great meme about white monster.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: A white fella who has a white t-shirt on that says, I drank two white monsters and I let him make a third.
11:57
SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: I let him create a third, something like that.
12:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm horny.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm hard and I'm horny.
12:03
SPEAKER_02: He's a white monster.
12:04
SPEAKER_02: Just the type of fella you're talking about.
12:06
SPEAKER_05: You ever just be sitting around and like you're like, man, I'm like really horny right now.
12:11
SPEAKER_02: Every now and again, yeah.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: Those thoughts once in a while.
12:14
SPEAKER_05: Those thoughts, I don't know why, but just like the human condition sometimes.
12:20
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
12:22
SPEAKER_05: Like it just cracks me up because I'm just like, this is absurd.
12:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
12:26
SPEAKER_05: I just I walk.
12:27
SPEAKER_05: I took a step in my jeans, rubbed my dick weird, and now I'm horny.
12:31
SPEAKER_02: Now I wants to fuck.
12:32
SPEAKER_05: Now I want to go jack off because there's no pussy around.
12:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:39
SPEAKER_02: There never is when that happens, by the way.
12:41
SPEAKER_02: No.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: It's never when there's a lady there.
12:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:44
SPEAKER_02: It's never the case.
12:46
SPEAKER_05: I have like this obstinance thing going on where I like, I don't know, this this uh this head shrinker when I was a youngster, uh-huh, he diagnosed me with oppositional defiance disorder.
12:59
SPEAKER_05: And honestly, just hearing that as a kid gave me trauma.
13:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:03
SPEAKER_05: It fucked me up, dude, because I was like, I'm not like that, am I?
13:06
SPEAKER_05: And then every single time I've ever been like, no, I'm like, wait a minute.
13:10
SPEAKER_05: Am I is this my disorder acting up?
13:14
SPEAKER_05: Am I am I flaring up right now with ODD?
13:20
SPEAKER_05: I got ODD, yeah, you know me.
13:22
SPEAKER_05: Uh every time I'm just like, nah, dude.
13:25
SPEAKER_05: Uh anyway, my point was sometimes when a girl wants to fuck me, I'm just like, but what if no?
13:31
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
13:32
SPEAKER_05: What if I'm just like, uh-uh, you know?
13:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what if I pull that move on you later?
13:37
SPEAKER_05: Like, I wanna fuck you, but now that you want to fuck me, I'm like, I don't know.
13:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how about what I can't have?
13:42
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
13:42
SPEAKER_05: I something about this seems fishy to me.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: You're suspicious of her, yeah.
13:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm like, I don't know, dude.
13:50
SPEAKER_05: What if I just fucking don't wanna, you know?
13:56
SPEAKER_05: What are you gonna do about it?
13:57
SPEAKER_05: What if that happened?
13:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that just occurs to me.
14:00
SPEAKER_05: But then I'm just like, wait a minute, I'm not a fucking fag dude.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
14:04
SPEAKER_05: I'm not a fucking queer, dude.
14:07
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna sex up that that hole.
14:10
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
14:11
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna put it in there.
14:12
SPEAKER_05: Sure, that's yeah.
14:13
SPEAKER_05: Speaking of holes, this is a little guys, don't listen.
14:17
SPEAKER_05: Hey, everybody listening, just don't listen for a second.
14:19
SPEAKER_05: I was gonna tell you this on the on the$10 show.
14:21
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
14:22
SPEAKER_05: Uh that thing I did last time that I told you about, this exploratory.
14:26
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
14:27
SPEAKER_05: Like if I were to go to the seventh planet from the sun.
14:30
SPEAKER_05: Sure, gotcha.
14:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:31
SPEAKER_05: Her anus.
14:33
SPEAKER_05: Uh yeah, yeah.
14:34
SPEAKER_05: Uh, I did that again.
14:35
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
14:36
SPEAKER_05: Just I wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
14:39
SPEAKER_05: And it wasn't.
14:40
SPEAKER_05: It was awesome.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
14:42
SPEAKER_05: And I came inside of it.
14:48
SPEAKER_06: It was rad.
14:49
SPEAKER_06: It was pretty sick, dude.
14:52
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
14:53
SPEAKER_06: And by the way, she was cool with it.
14:59
SPEAKER_05: I didn't even face you're wandering.
15:01
SPEAKER_05: I didn't even have to flex my big muscles and be like, listen, dude, you're taking it, you know?
15:06
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
15:07
SPEAKER_05: She was like, I would also like that, you know?
15:09
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
15:10
SPEAKER_05: So it was sick.
15:11
SPEAKER_05: Pretty neat in that in that sense of like, I didn't have to rape a woman.
15:15
SPEAKER_05: It was pretty cool.
15:18
SPEAKER_02: No crimes committed.
15:20
SPEAKER_05: Not that I would ever do that.
15:22
SPEAKER_05: The ladies just be throwing it at me.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:26
SPEAKER_05: Uh segments.
15:27
SPEAKER_05: We do those.
15:28
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we do.
15:30
SPEAKER_05: Would you rather?
15:31
SPEAKER_05: Sometimes.
15:32
SPEAKER_05: Sex dream.
15:34
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
15:35
SPEAKER_05: Uh that's what they camsoda.com.
15:37
SPEAKER_05: They do that.
15:38
SPEAKER_05: Sex dreams.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: That's what Andrew Tate's in trouble for, I think, right?
15:43
SPEAKER_05: Andrew Gape.
15:44
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
15:45
SPEAKER_05: Would you rather from the last rendition?
15:49
SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
15:50
SPEAKER_05: Your topic was plants.
15:51
SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
15:52
SPEAKER_05: I wrote it down.
15:53
SPEAKER_05: I didn't even have to ask you because I remembered to write it down.
15:56
SPEAKER_05: Mid show.
15:57
SPEAKER_05: Sorry, I'm burping up disgusting, delicious, refreshing, bloodlight platinum.
16:04
SPEAKER_05: I mean, the bottle looks cool.
16:06
SPEAKER_05: It does look sick, dude.
16:07
SPEAKER_05: You would think it would be delicious.
16:10
SPEAKER_05: But it's not.
16:12
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it is, it's pretty good.
16:14
SPEAKER_05: If you're on a if you want it, you should buy it.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, if you haven't had beer in seven years, it's not bad.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: It's really fucking bad.
16:24
SPEAKER_05: I don't like it at all.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: But what if you were seven years sober and craving beer that whole seven years?
16:30
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you'd probably drink rubbing alcohol at that point.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: Right, but you'd be down for a plat.
16:34
SPEAKER_05: I just had a thought that I've never had before.
16:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:37
SPEAKER_05: What are you rubbing with it that it that's what it's called?
16:40
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
16:41
SPEAKER_02: Like oh no, it's like you you can rub like uh uh uh you know, it'll cut like grease or whatever.
16:47
SPEAKER_02: It's like a solvent.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: But then you would just call it cleaning alcohol.
16:51
SPEAKER_02: Sure, but you rub in the action of cleaning something off.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: Nothing else is called rubbing anything.
16:56
SPEAKER_02: No, you're right.
16:57
SPEAKER_02: It is kind of weird that the convention starts and stops with rubbing alcohol, no doubt.
17:03
SPEAKER_05: It's fucking weird.
17:04
SPEAKER_02: It's called like like denatured alcohol, is usually used like that.
17:08
SPEAKER_02: So it's rubbing alcohol as well.
17:10
SPEAKER_02: But yeah.
17:11
SPEAKER_05: But it's like a hella specific thing.
17:13
SPEAKER_05: Like denatured, it's like explaining the chemical process.
17:16
SPEAKER_05: Rubbing alcohol is just like a weird hillbilly way of being like I need some of that rubbing alcohol to rub on this near sticker that don't come off.
17:25
SPEAKER_05: Good.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: It's old wives' tail shit.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: And uh uh, you know, it's like some old saying, someone started saying it, some Mima started saying it, and then it passed down and whatever.
17:35
SPEAKER_02: But like it's isopropyl alcohol.
17:37
SPEAKER_02: It's all isopropyl alcohol.
17:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know.
17:39
SPEAKER_05: Well, I got confused and I put it on ribs before I put them in the oven.
17:43
SPEAKER_05: And now I have liver cancer.
17:45
SPEAKER_05: Thanks a lot.
17:46
SPEAKER_05: Mimaw.
17:49
SPEAKER_05: Thanks a lot, Dollar General.
17:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, it said rub on the fucking bottle.
17:54
SPEAKER_02: I thought it was.
17:56
SPEAKER_05: Literally, it was right next to the fucking squealing pig uh barbecue rub, dude.
18:03
SPEAKER_04: Yeah?
18:04
SPEAKER_04: Anyway, how was I supposed to do?
18:06
SPEAKER_05: I don't know, dude.
18:06
SPEAKER_05: Fucking am I boring you?
18:08
SPEAKER_05: No.
18:09
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I didn't sleep well last night either.
18:11
SPEAKER_02: That's what it is.
18:12
SPEAKER_02: I stay up too late playing stupid games and shit.
18:14
SPEAKER_05: Dude, I went to bed at uh one o'clock last night.
18:17
SPEAKER_05: I thought, you know, it's a little late, but you know, I'll knock out here.
18:21
SPEAKER_05: And the minute I'm like slightly uncomfortable, I'm just like, might as well just get up and stay up all night.
18:28
SPEAKER_05: And I stayed up till 5 a.m.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, dude.
18:31
SPEAKER_05: I ain't that bad off, but I set 15 and a half alone.
18:36
SPEAKER_05: And uh I I woke up for all of them and silenced it because I was like, I know there's like 10 more coming.
18:43
SPEAKER_05: I know there's like eight more coming, I know there's like six more coming.
18:46
SPEAKER_05: And then a fucking cat jumped up on the bed and like he, you know, what he's old and gay and lost his footing a little bit and decided that my fat gut was his claw fucking.
18:59
SPEAKER_02: That was his his life raft.
19:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, his safety vest.
19:02
SPEAKER_05: He dug one of his fucking little talons into my my gunt and I I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and I said, I own you.
19:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
19:14
SPEAKER_05: I just kind of I just kind of shoved him off of me, actually.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I figured.
19:18
SPEAKER_05: I was just kind of like, asshole.
19:20
SPEAKER_05: And then I got up and I took a shower and watched a Facebook reel about space.
19:26
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
19:26
SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah, dog.
19:27
SPEAKER_05: I learned about a new a new star that's really big.
19:31
SPEAKER_05: Nine nine thousand four hundred and seven times larger than our sun.
19:35
SPEAKER_05: It's really big.
19:36
SPEAKER_05: And that scares me.
19:38
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
19:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
19:39
SPEAKER_05: If it was our sun, it would evaporate our oceans and uh it would be eight thousand degrees Celsius on the surface of the earth.
19:46
SPEAKER_05: That's sick.
19:47
SPEAKER_05: So please don't be our sun.
19:50
SPEAKER_05: Whatever your name was, it's really hard to remember because it's all like skaggloof 7B.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: Shitty name for a star.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: Awesome password.
20:01
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, dude, that's a good point.
20:03
SPEAKER_05: You should just like, hey, Gemini, you know?
20:08
SPEAKER_05: Tell me about a star 47,000 light years away.
20:11
SPEAKER_05: And he's like, this is for Nilpheon 137.
20:16
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's my password with an exclamation point at the end.
20:20
SPEAKER_05: Because that makes it more secure.
20:23
SPEAKER_02: Way more, dude.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: Way more.
20:26
SPEAKER_05: Every time they're like live by that.
20:28
SPEAKER_05: Every time they're like, we like your password pretty good, but you need and special character.
20:34
SPEAKER_05: And it's literally always just the thing I said before.
20:38
SPEAKER_05: Exclamation point.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: Every fucking if I exclaimed that.
20:42
SPEAKER_05: What if I was like really happy about Kitty Cat 62?
20:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: You know?
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Kitty Kitty Lick Lick 69.
20:49
SPEAKER_05: Ling Ling coming.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: Me love you a long time for 2069.
20:55
SPEAKER_05: This is just all the Chinese buffet Wi-Fi passwords.
21:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:01
SPEAKER_05: Anyway, your topic was plants.
21:04
SPEAKER_05: It was.
21:04
SPEAKER_05: And I was like, you know, man, I gotta not just do what he did with the poison ivy and the jacking off and the butthole stuff.
21:11
SPEAKER_05: I had to think outside the box.
21:13
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
21:14
SPEAKER_05: Which is what gay people do every time they have sex.
21:16
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
21:17
SPEAKER_02: Think outside the Venus flytrap.
21:20
SPEAKER_05: Well, they call pussies boxes, so my joke was perfect.
21:23
SPEAKER_05: No, it was.
21:24
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
21:24
SPEAKER_05: You made it worse.
21:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, I was going back to plant.
21:26
SPEAKER_05: That was the Bud Light Platinum jokes.
21:29
SPEAKER_05: You just did.
21:30
SPEAKER_05: They took beer.
21:31
SPEAKER_02: That's great.
21:32
SPEAKER_05: I was bringing it back to plants.
21:34
SPEAKER_05: That's what I was doing.
21:36
SPEAKER_05: I got what you were doing.
21:37
SPEAKER_05: I was just bustling you chops.
21:39
SPEAKER_02: And I was kind of hoping I cut you off at the past that one of yours dealt with Venus flytraps.
21:44
SPEAKER_05: Also incorrect.
21:45
SPEAKER_05: Fuck.
21:46
SPEAKER_05: All right.
21:47
SPEAKER_05: Queer.
21:48
SPEAKER_05: There's no way you could have predicted this predicament.
21:53
SPEAKER_05: Would you rather uh buy an orchid that you have to keep alive?
21:57
SPEAKER_05: They are notoriously difficult to keep alive.
21:59
SPEAKER_05: I know.
22:02
SPEAKER_05: But if it dies, you die.
22:07
SPEAKER_05: Or climb a six-foot ladder buttass naked and jump asshole first off the top rung onto a black deck-sized cactus.
22:24
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
22:25
SPEAKER_05: I went there, dude.
22:29
SPEAKER_05: Well, some some blackzilla meat, dude.
22:33
SPEAKER_05: But it's made of sprickly green stuff.
22:36
SPEAKER_05: Some cactus gray.
22:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: Uh that's a real Mustang going in my ass.
22:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is what you're trying to say.
22:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
22:48
SPEAKER_02: I got a gray Mustang base recently.
22:49
SPEAKER_02: That's what Tyler.
22:50
SPEAKER_02: It's cactus gray.
22:51
SPEAKER_02: Um it is.
22:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh it kind of has a greenish tint to it.
22:55
SPEAKER_02: It's nice.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: Um it is really cool.
22:57
SPEAKER_05: It sounded good too.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it did.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: It was it was nice.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: We didn't talk about that on the uh Patreon.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: Um we'll we'll talk about it on the Madden game later.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: No, we won't.
23:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh I'll forget.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: I'll be so into the game.
23:10
SPEAKER_05: Um I forgot we were playing Madden.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: So I I mean, obviously the second option is very painful, and the first option is just not.
23:20
SPEAKER_02: There's no pain associated with the first.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: It's mental frustration uh versus physical pain, basically.
23:26
SPEAKER_05: Well, I think um, you know, to make it otherworldly and and would you rather, you know, like you feel what the orchid feels in a sense, where like if it's starting to wilt, like you feel like you're falling apart.
23:41
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
23:42
SPEAKER_05: Like it's like on its last legs and you feel like you've been on chemo for a few weeks.
23:47
SPEAKER_02: Bro, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna take such good care of that plant.
23:51
SPEAKER_02: They're notoriously difficult to keep alive.
23:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but my asshole's notoriously fucking tight.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: The thing is though, dude, think about it like this.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: And you jump off of that thing one time and you're done.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: I've never had anything prickly in my asshole.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: You never had anything in your asshole at all.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: I know.
24:11
SPEAKER_02: I've never had anything prickly inside me at all, and I'm I'm worried about that.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: That's it, that's a problem.
24:17
SPEAKER_02: Right.
24:18
SPEAKER_02: Keeping an orchid alive does suck.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: I know that they are finicky, but I feel like with the intranet, I could just look her up and do all of the things that make orchids stay alive.
24:30
SPEAKER_05: There's so many variables though.
24:31
SPEAKER_05: Like, dude, what if the dog pisses on it?
24:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh no, it's gonna be kept in a I mean, that orchid is my life, so I have to keep it like in a in a really like you know, uh a good spot where it's gonna get also sunlight.
24:46
SPEAKER_05: Dog, I know you better than anyone has ever known you.
24:49
SPEAKER_05: That motherfucker's going in the windowsill.
24:51
SPEAKER_02: No.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna figure something out.
24:54
SPEAKER_02: It's gonna have like a case that it sits in.
24:56
SPEAKER_05: I know I know you well enough to know it's gonna have its own greenhouse.
25:00
SPEAKER_05: After a month, you're gonna be like, it's fine.
25:02
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
25:03
SPEAKER_05: Like, well, you know.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: But I mean, here's what you do during the month that you're really worried about it, though.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: Here's what here's what I've I do like for any like project or any like thing.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: I like focus on it for a bit, yeah, and and I try to mitigate any potential future disaster with the work that I accomplish in that time that I'm into the thing, you know, that I'm really about it.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: So that then that can hopefully, you know, it'll it'll survive.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: I I can get like a a nice regimen of like watering it or set up automated watering and just check that it's working.
25:42
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: And then also do like there's like plant food type shit I could be doing.
25:48
SPEAKER_02: Like flowers have that powder whenever you buy them, you know.
25:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's probably something to that that I can do to help nurture it.
25:55
SPEAKER_02: There's lots I can do.
25:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm just not gonna be able to nurture a spine-filled asshole.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: I think that's what those are called on cactuses, right?
26:03
SPEAKER_02: Spines.
26:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:04
SPEAKER_02: And I'm not gonna be able, I got one spine in me, and that's the only spine I want to have in.
26:09
SPEAKER_05: You know how I know they're called cactus spines?
26:11
SPEAKER_05: Why?
26:11
SPEAKER_05: How?
26:12
SPEAKER_05: Because uh because it's the secondary ingredient to weapon poison plus plus in old school runescape.
26:18
SPEAKER_05: Sick.
26:18
SPEAKER_05: And also you can pay 10 cactus spines to the uh the farmers to keep an eye on your uh mahogany trees.
26:25
SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah, dude.
26:26
SPEAKER_05: To keep them from dying.
26:27
SPEAKER_05: That's cool.
26:28
SPEAKER_05: Mahogany trees are a lot of XP, so you really you kind of just want to make sure you give them the cactus spines.
26:33
SPEAKER_02: Nice, dude.
26:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
26:34
SPEAKER_02: I just copied some trees in Pocopia.
26:36
SPEAKER_02: It's pretty sick.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: So I got all the berries, pretty nice.
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Marion Berry.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: Six different kinds of berries.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: Uh you know who Mary and Berry is?
26:44
SPEAKER_02: I should have talked about this on the one, but very very briefly.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: But it is very interesting.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: You can automate your berry farm, and how you do that is you set up this uh smooth stone under the ground, and if that's close to trees, when they're not actively being watered, they fucking die.
27:04
SPEAKER_02: So you get your fucking tree, you get your trees ready all in rows perfectly.
27:09
SPEAKER_02: You get water around them, and then you set up a time-based thing, like an automated laser-based thing with with like trapdoors and shit, where the fucking berries, when the trees die, the berries all fall off the trees into the water, and then they float down the waterway to the end, and you set up the end of the waterway with Pokemon that will pick them up for you, put them in the community box, and other Pokemon that will make paint out of them.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: And you got the six different colors, so you got all the paints, dude.
27:46
SPEAKER_02: So sick.
27:46
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna set it up, it's gonna be awesome.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, that is the thing that that's been the Pocopia minute with Jake.
27:53
SPEAKER_05: That's the thing I liked on doing on Minecraft was coming up with like weird automation stuff.
27:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
27:58
SPEAKER_05: With like red that redstone shit, you can make wires out of it.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
28:02
SPEAKER_02: They got they got the shit down on Pocopia because of all those steps toward it with Minecraft and other games like that.
28:08
SPEAKER_02: And they got that shit on Poppy.
28:12
SPEAKER_05: There's a really old YouTube video out there.
28:14
SPEAKER_05: Shout out to anyone that can find it of me doing a tutorial on how to make a Westminster uh doorbell.
28:21
SPEAKER_05: Oh, nice.
28:22
SPEAKER_05: Because you go underground and you have the note blocks that plays like a G, a C, an A.
28:27
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's cool.
28:28
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
28:28
SPEAKER_05: And you set them up in like a certain order, and you can put a switch on your on your house, and they come up and they press the switch, and it goes dun dun dun dun.
28:37
SPEAKER_05: You know the whole thing.
28:38
SPEAKER_05: That's awesome.
28:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I made a tutorial on how to do that on Minecraft.
28:42
SPEAKER_02: They have that on Pacopia, but they only have a few notes.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how you how practical it is.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: I've seen people do it with the uh uh the train.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: Like you get on the handrail or you get on the hand cart or whatever, and you're rolling around and they have all the all the notepads on either side, and they're triggered by uh the little uh the fucking laser pointer.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:01
SPEAKER_02: So cool.
29:02
SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
29:02
SPEAKER_05: For all I know, that video has like eight million views.
29:05
SPEAKER_05: I haven't looked at that in so long.
29:07
SPEAKER_05: I do remember after I posted it, it got like twelve hundred pretty quickly, and this British girl commented on it, and I was like, Am I about to have like a Minecraft tutorial career?
29:17
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
29:18
SPEAKER_05: Because like she had also like Minecraft tutorials and had more viewers than me, and I was like, dude, I could steamroll this, and then I literally never played Minecraft again.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: Dude, I had a similar thing with the Dick Show.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: So I listened to the Dick Show for I listened to the part of the or uh uh what is it, biggest problem in the universe, and I listened to that, and then fucking uh for until it died, and it died only two years in, and then I followed Dick Masterson because he was the non-queef of the group now.
29:51
SPEAKER_02: I followed him to his own show, and he did this thing where he was burning his ex podcast partner's books, yeah.
29:59
SPEAKER_02: And he had all of his listeners send in videos, and I I've told this, I know.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: So uh it's my fucking dad's hairy ass, like Robin Williams ass arm coming into the frame with the lighter, like lighting the gas oil mixture, and then it leads up to the to the fucking book, uh, and it it goes up pretty quick, man.
30:20
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
30:20
SPEAKER_02: I I read Alphabet of Manliness to my credit before I burnt it.
30:24
SPEAKER_02: I read like 70% of it before I burnt it.
30:26
SPEAKER_02: I got tired of it, dude.
30:28
SPEAKER_02: It gets so pedantic and like slow, and it's a such a slog to get through, and uh like the Bible, but even more annoying somehow.
30:36
SPEAKER_02: And uh and I've you know it was a great video.
30:38
SPEAKER_02: He emailed me back when I emailed him.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: He was like, Oh, that's great.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: And it was a personal message, dude.
30:43
SPEAKER_02: Like he mentioned shit in the video.
30:46
SPEAKER_02: Now, maybe it wasn't him, maybe by then he was paying people, I don't know, but it it was written in his voice.
30:53
SPEAKER_05: I think it was probably him.
30:54
SPEAKER_05: I don't think I think it was too.
30:55
SPEAKER_05: He doesn't seem like the kind of guy, you know, on that level that would do that.
31:01
SPEAKER_02: The kind of guy that's so he's like autistic about his show.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's so driven about that shit that he does message people back terminally online.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: So I think he exactly, yeah.
31:13
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, it was great, but I never listened to another episode after that.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: It was like I came, I saw, I conquered, I got the message back from the I got the validation I wanted somehow, and I've moved on to something else.
31:25
SPEAKER_02: Legion of Skanks or whatever.
31:26
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember.
31:27
SPEAKER_02: That was back during that time when I was trying to find my like week show, my weekly like religious listen shows.
31:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:35
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, that's been that's been uh the big show corner with Jake.
31:40
SPEAKER_05: Speaking of podcasts, though, have you seen all this stuff about the uh fucking uh what are those guys called?
31:47
SPEAKER_05: The dudes, the dude and the lady that were married, and he said poor people are gay and he broke his leg.
31:52
SPEAKER_05: Oh, Tom Segur.
31:53
SPEAKER_05: Tom Segur and his wife got divorced.
31:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
31:55
SPEAKER_05: It's pretty wild stuff on the internet.
31:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've been seeing the clips of them crying and shit.
32:01
SPEAKER_02: I haven't actually watched them, but I like tearing up about it.
32:04
SPEAKER_05: I just saw when it was announced and everyone was like, whoa, and then they like kind of baited people with a lot of like Facebook reels that were like emotional moment, and it was like not really what it's about, you know?
32:14
SPEAKER_05: Right.
32:15
SPEAKER_05: Um and then I just kind of checked out completely.
32:20
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I just don't I I never listened to their show much, so it didn't really hit me at all.
32:26
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean I did I listened to your mom's house for a couple of years, and I liked it a lot, and there was a lot of cool stuff about it.
32:33
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was very funny.
32:34
SPEAKER_02: He puts out a seven out of ten special every two years, and that's about all I you know what I mean.
32:40
SPEAKER_02: Like I I I'll watch his special one time, and well, you know me, there's like five comedians I'll watch a period.
32:47
SPEAKER_05: Maybe if that.
32:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
32:49
SPEAKER_05: Chappelle and Louie are the only two that come to mind um off the top of the dome.
32:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're a must-watch on specials.
32:57
SPEAKER_05: I don't even like bird.
32:58
SPEAKER_05: I guess Jezelnik.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:01
SPEAKER_05: Three.
33:02
SPEAKER_05: That's all I care about.
33:04
SPEAKER_05: I have a way bigger list, but yeah.
33:06
SPEAKER_05: Those are just like they do something totally different than the typical.
33:12
SPEAKER_02: I'd throw a tell in there as well.
33:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean he's that status.
33:16
SPEAKER_05: He's he's hilarious.
33:17
SPEAKER_02: San Hope, I would put up there too.
33:19
SPEAKER_05: It's just like what he does, I do not crave, if that makes sense.
33:23
SPEAKER_05: Like I I respect it.
33:24
SPEAKER_05: I think he is one of the greatest of all time.
33:27
SPEAKER_05: But what he does, I do not crave.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: I see.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's fair.
33:32
SPEAKER_05: There's just something about Louie that is so like the absurdness of it and the like visceral honesty about it.
33:41
SPEAKER_05: It just appeals to me, and I feel like I aspire to be like that in my own, like trying to be myself on a creative endeavor.
33:50
SPEAKER_02: Right.
33:52
SPEAKER_05: Uh I don't try to emulate him, but it's just like he's like so honest about his weirdness and the fucked up thoughts he has, and like that's what I've always tried to do.
34:02
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
34:02
SPEAKER_05: That I uh game recognizes game, I suppose.
34:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's kind of Carlin-esque in the way that uh where Carlin bashed you over the head with it, Louis is a little more subtle uh with the like things that everyone uh thinks or does but never talks about, you know, little little moments in life that everyone has, but you never really talk about it.
34:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and they find those and mine those for comedy.
34:27
SPEAKER_02: Uh they both do that, but Louis is much more subtle.
34:30
SPEAKER_02: Carlin literally announced that's what he was about to tell you a bunch of examples of.
34:37
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
34:37
SPEAKER_05: And Louis's sillier than Carlin was.
34:39
SPEAKER_05: Carlin was like, I have a message to deliver.
34:42
SPEAKER_02: For sure.
34:43
SPEAKER_02: Especially later.
34:44
SPEAKER_02: Like 70s, 80s Carlin was like Louis in the silliness department, you know.
34:49
SPEAKER_02: But Louis never lost the silly shit.
34:51
SPEAKER_05: I need to go back and listen to old Carlin because I really only listen to like the 90s, 2000s.
34:56
SPEAKER_02: He did a whole bit about popping his fucking knuckles.
34:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
34:59
SPEAKER_02: On a live show, like in in a fucking stadium.
35:02
SPEAKER_02: And he's like, All right, let's see if we can get the triple pop on blah, blah, blah.
35:06
SPEAKER_02: And he did, and he gets it like pop pop pop.
35:08
SPEAKER_02: He's like, I've never had their.
35:09
SPEAKER_02: What about that during this performance or something?
35:11
SPEAKER_02: You know, he like, so good, man.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: What a legend.
35:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:15
SPEAKER_02: Uh anyway.
35:16
SPEAKER_02: Let's stop talking about Carlin.
35:18
SPEAKER_02: My it's gonna get cringe soon.
35:20
SPEAKER_05: I mean, if not already, I don't have like that comment about it.
35:23
SPEAKER_02: Fuck you guys.
35:24
SPEAKER_05: I don't have that, like, you know, he's a god complex that I I think he did a lot of cool stuff.
35:30
SPEAKER_05: That's about it.
35:31
SPEAKER_05: You know?
35:32
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
35:32
SPEAKER_05: He's not like a a life-changing fucking thing to me.
35:38
SPEAKER_05: I just I liked some of the stuff he did.
35:40
SPEAKER_02: I r I I revere him more than you, I would say.
35:43
SPEAKER_02: Just I I spent like a year of my life trying to get his every like CD of his because one of them fucking hit me so hard, you know.
35:51
SPEAKER_02: I chased the Carlin dragon.
35:53
SPEAKER_05: Uh I feel like he's like so up your alley because he's like political and comedy.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he says he when he said, when I heard, I I stopped at the fucking used CD store after college classes one day, and the perfect time to get in a Carlin, by the way.
36:08
SPEAKER_02: And then you fucking stopped by the store, went in there, grabbed, found it.
36:12
SPEAKER_02: I think it's back in town.
36:14
SPEAKER_02: It's either back in town or what the hell am I doing in New Jersey?
36:17
SPEAKER_02: And I got it, and it's Reagan era, right?
36:20
SPEAKER_02: And I I fucking popped it in my little CD player in my my whatever car I had then, and I'm listening to it on the on the way back uh at an hour commute almost.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: So I'm listening to it, and so I could get in a whole album on the way home, you know, and I'm listening to it, and toward the beginning, like the first long chunk he does is about abortion.
36:40
SPEAKER_02: And he says, conservatives want live babies so they can turn them into dead soldiers.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: That line is like I'm a Carlin guy for life, yeah.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: Like that's so profound.
36:52
SPEAKER_02: Like, and it's the jankest thing I've ever heard about.
36:55
SPEAKER_02: So fucking good, dude.
36:57
SPEAKER_02: It's so and like it's one of it's like a line that makes you not necessarily even laugh, but just go, oh, yeah, it's it's like the all the black dudes going crazy meme, you know?
37:08
SPEAKER_05: Like that's I I've always viewed his comedy as like less, oh my god, that was so funny, and more so true.
37:16
SPEAKER_05: They're like god damn, they're going like, yeah, yeah, man, I think that too.
37:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, which you know is cool, but it's not really the thing.
37:27
SPEAKER_02: At the time, that shit made me laugh.
37:29
SPEAKER_02: At the time, like I was so open to that shit, it like it made me laugh so hard.
37:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm like barely keeping it on the road, listening to that.
37:39
SPEAKER_05: I'll tell you what that was for me at a formidable age.
37:43
SPEAKER_05: When I was like 13 or 14, I heard Eddie Murphy Raw.
37:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I was like, yeah.
37:50
SPEAKER_05: There was definitely a part of me that was like, that is what I want to be.
37:55
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
37:56
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
37:57
SPEAKER_05: Like everybody when they're a kid, they're like, I want to be an astronaut, I want to be a movie star.
38:02
SPEAKER_05: Like, I was like, I want to make people laugh like that, because that is so fucking I I loved making people laugh already, and I didn't even realize it, you know what I mean?
38:12
SPEAKER_05: Like I was clowning as a fucking little kid doing goofy shit, like honestly, kind of like the kid you got going on, like saying dirty words into the microphone on the Patreon, like just because she knows it'll make you laugh, right?
38:27
SPEAKER_05: Calling me a fucker and you a shithead and shit.
38:30
SPEAKER_05: Like that was all I was all about that shit.
38:33
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
38:33
SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
38:34
SPEAKER_02: She says stupid in almost all of her insults because she was told at like three that stupid's a bad word.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: So she in her brain, it's on par with like every other bad word.
38:45
SPEAKER_05: That's dude, that's such a funny parallel because I swear to God, uh, two days ago, maybe I was scrolling, doom scrolling, and I came across uh Eddie Murphy's first appearance on David Letterman.
38:58
SPEAKER_05: Oh, nice.
38:59
SPEAKER_05: And he was just like telling a story and he said sucks.
39:02
SPEAKER_05: He's like, Can I say sucks?
39:04
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
39:04
SPEAKER_05: Like it was like that era of he and Letterman was like, You can say whatever, whatever you want.
39:08
SPEAKER_05: We'll just bleep it.
39:09
SPEAKER_05: You know, like you're Eddie Murphy.
39:11
SPEAKER_05: Like, say whatever.
39:12
SPEAKER_05: He has said like he has said crazy stuff on comedy specials.
39:16
SPEAKER_05: Oh, he knew it was on HBO.
39:18
SPEAKER_05: And he's like, I can say faggot if I want to.
39:20
SPEAKER_05: He says it a bunch.
39:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
39:22
SPEAKER_05: But he's like, on oh I'm on network television now.
39:24
SPEAKER_05: You know, he said, This is the hippie show on TV, you know?
39:27
SPEAKER_05: He's like, Can I say sucks?
39:30
SPEAKER_05: Because sucks was a bad word when we were kids.
39:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:33
SPEAKER_02: Like our parents would be like, No, you can't say that.
39:35
SPEAKER_02: Because it implies blowjobs.
39:36
SPEAKER_02: I guess.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: I guess that's yeah.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: I guess that was what they made me think, anyway, with their hush-hush about it.
39:43
SPEAKER_05: Uh it never really occurred to me that it was like fellatio adjacent.
39:47
SPEAKER_05: I just thought, like, you know, they don't want you to say stuff sucks because it's negative.
39:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:53
SPEAKER_02: My uh my mom would be like, just say that stinks instead.
39:58
SPEAKER_05: Somehow that's better.
39:59
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
39:59
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
40:00
SPEAKER_05: I guess it must be fellatio related.
40:02
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it has to be, yeah, yeah.
40:03
SPEAKER_05: I just never really pondered on that, like why sucks was way worse.
40:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:10
SPEAKER_02: I think it's just a way to say it without saying it.
40:12
SPEAKER_05: I guess I guess innately I kind of thought suck and fuck are too close.
40:16
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, maybe maybe they think, you know, because people say like suck off or like Yeah, yeah.
40:22
SPEAKER_05: Whatever.
40:23
SPEAKER_05: Screw off, pal.
40:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
40:26
SPEAKER_05: Get bent, guy.
40:31
SPEAKER_05: Eat my shorts.
40:32
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right.
40:33
SPEAKER_05: Oh god, I remember the first time I said eat me in front of my mom.
40:36
SPEAKER_05: Because I just I heard somebody say it on a thing, maybe Sarah Silverman or something.
40:40
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
40:41
SPEAKER_05: And dude, she lost it.
40:43
SPEAKER_05: She was so like in the beginning, she was so anti-curse word.
40:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
40:48
SPEAKER_05: Because like there was a weird part of her that was like deeply religious.
40:52
SPEAKER_05: But she would say crazy shit all the time.
40:55
SPEAKER_05: And then all of a sudden, one day a switch flipped in her head, and I could just say whatever I wanted.
41:00
SPEAKER_05: It was weird.
41:01
SPEAKER_05: She was a weird lady.
41:03
SPEAKER_02: That's random.
41:03
SPEAKER_05: Rest in peace, you fucking old bag.
41:06
unknown: God damn it.
41:07
unknown: I don't know.
41:09
SPEAKER_05: Anyway, uh, my my topic for Would You Rather was whores.
41:15
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
41:16
SPEAKER_05: By the way, this is a real thing.
41:18
SPEAKER_05: I typed whores in as my topic, and it auto-corrected to whites.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
41:25
SPEAKER_05: So what the fuck, Tim Apple?
41:27
SPEAKER_05: Fucking Nazi ass phone.
41:29
SPEAKER_05: What the fuck is that, dude?
41:30
SPEAKER_05: God damn.
41:31
SPEAKER_05: You anti-white, bruh?
41:32
SPEAKER_05: Huh.
41:33
SPEAKER_05: Tim Apple over there at the Steve Jobs factory?
41:37
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
41:38
SPEAKER_05: Anyway.
41:40
SPEAKER_05: Would you rather run through every crackhore over on a certain avenue in our town that is well known for crackhores.
41:52
SPEAKER_05: We'll call it the red light district.
41:54
SPEAKER_05: Right, sure.
41:54
SPEAKER_02: I gotcha.
41:55
SPEAKER_05: Run through every crackhore without a rubber down the whole fucking strip.
42:00
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
42:00
SPEAKER_05: Every roach motel.
42:02
SPEAKER_05: Right.
42:02
SPEAKER_05: Every crack horse.
42:03
SPEAKER_05: There's probably two dozen of them.
42:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:06
SPEAKER_02: Let's yeah, let's say that for the sake of argument.
42:08
SPEAKER_02: 25.
42:09
SPEAKER_05: Hiphalytic.
42:10
SPEAKER_02: Right, yeah.
42:11
SPEAKER_05: Out the wazit.
42:12
SPEAKER_05: You don't know what's going on in that hole.
42:14
SPEAKER_02: Just like not these are not movie ladies of the night.
42:19
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
42:20
SPEAKER_02: This is like real life.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: This is like bust.
42:24
SPEAKER_05: I mean, if we had to if we had to say a movie uh Charlize Theron in Monster.
42:29
SPEAKER_05: Have you seen that movie?
42:30
SPEAKER_05: Right, yeah.
42:30
SPEAKER_05: It's crazy.
42:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:31
SPEAKER_02: But worse.
42:32
SPEAKER_02: It's a great movie.
42:33
SPEAKER_02: But even worse.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, of course.
42:35
SPEAKER_05: I mean, talk about movie magic.
42:38
SPEAKER_05: They made one of the hottest Hollywood actresses look like a fucking disgusting mess.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: Well, they made her up to look like the lady, right?
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Isn't that the thing?
42:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean, the lady was.
42:50
SPEAKER_05: If you look at the lady, she was crazy looking.
42:52
SPEAKER_05: But they like, I mean, just movie magic wise.
42:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
42:55
SPEAKER_05: Great fucking job that you made a fucking bombshell look like that.
43:00
SPEAKER_02: They uh yeah.
43:01
SPEAKER_02: The I I want to say the makeup was also nominated for awards.
43:05
SPEAKER_05: Surely.
43:05
SPEAKER_05: I mean, coo the fuck does.
43:09
SPEAKER_05: Uh run through every crack or out of rubber.
43:12
SPEAKER_05: Right.
43:12
SPEAKER_05: Or become a male gigolo.
43:15
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
43:16
SPEAKER_05: But only for trans women.
43:22
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
43:23
SPEAKER_05: There's a caveat here because you know, we have to make things fair.
43:27
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
43:27
SPEAKER_05: You never have to be the bottom.
43:29
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
43:30
SPEAKER_05: But you do have to give reach arounds.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
43:36
SPEAKER_05: I think I mean I I think that I don't want to like fluff my own feathers.
43:41
SPEAKER_02: So what okay, so the second option is is trans what?
43:45
SPEAKER_02: How many?
43:46
SPEAKER_02: What?
43:47
SPEAKER_02: You're j that's your job now.
43:49
SPEAKER_05: Oh I I do a pretty good job of balance here, I feel like, because like there is a pretty fucking solid chance.
44:00
SPEAKER_05: Like, first of all, having to run through all those crack courses is going to be a fucking traumatic experience.
44:05
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
44:06
SPEAKER_05: There's also a pretty good chance that's horrific.
44:08
SPEAKER_05: You're definitely you're definitely going to catch something.
44:10
SPEAKER_05: Right.
44:11
SPEAKER_05: Without a doubt.
44:12
SPEAKER_05: There's a chance it's incurable.
44:14
SPEAKER_05: We don't know this.
44:15
SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
44:16
SPEAKER_05: That could be a life sentence.
44:17
SPEAKER_02: There's a chance of that with the trans too.
44:20
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
44:20
SPEAKER_05: But you you can wear rubber.
44:22
SPEAKER_05: That's what I'm saying.
44:23
SPEAKER_05: You're a male giggelo with no restrictions.
44:26
SPEAKER_05: But it it's only trans women.
44:28
SPEAKER_05: You don't have to get fucked in the ass.
44:31
SPEAKER_05: Reach arounds, like, you know, jacking a dude off.
44:33
SPEAKER_05: At the end of the day, like it'll just kind of feel like I'm awkwardly jerking myself off because feeling it.
44:39
SPEAKER_05: It's like you got way bigger, probably.
44:42
SPEAKER_05: You just joined the 600-pound club.
44:44
SPEAKER_05: Right.
44:45
SPEAKER_05: You got to read it.
44:45
SPEAKER_05: It's like I'm Ralphie Mae.
44:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:47
SPEAKER_02: But with a big transfer.
44:48
SPEAKER_02: You're more Ralphie gay.
44:51
SPEAKER_02: Gays will come up later.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh good.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: Not just in the Spotify comments.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
44:58
SPEAKER_02: Um Losers.
44:59
SPEAKER_02: Uh, it's not bad to be gay.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: It's fine.
45:01
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but uh just to clear that up, that the not that there's anything wrong with that.
45:05
SPEAKER_02: Said Jake.
45:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh just gonna do the sign zone.
45:09
SPEAKER_02: Speak for yourself uh in my own way and say not that it's bad to be gay.
45:13
SPEAKER_02: Um so I think I'm gonna go with the second option because here's the thing.
45:18
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: The I'm not gonna like like I'm not attracted to trans women.
45:28
SPEAKER_05: But you're also not attracted to making signs.
45:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, it's just a job.
45:32
SPEAKER_02: That's kind of what I'm saying, is I'm sorry to you know, the left most of my friends, but I am not attracted to trans women generally at all.
45:44
SPEAKER_02: Once I know, it's over.
45:46
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, there's a couple of them.
45:48
SPEAKER_02: It's over though.
45:48
SPEAKER_02: Once I know, it's over.
45:50
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's it.
45:50
SPEAKER_05: There's like one or two of them.
45:52
SPEAKER_02: They're just like, what the fuck?
45:53
SPEAKER_02: It's just I'm sorry.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: That that's probably the most Republican thing about me.
45:57
SPEAKER_02: Once I know, it's done.
45:58
SPEAKER_02: I can't like it's it's over.
46:00
SPEAKER_02: Like from a young age, from like uh forever, I've been that way, and that's how I know I'm straight, and that people are born gay, and that you know what I mean?
46:08
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's an immutable characteristic.
46:10
SPEAKER_02: That's how I know.
46:11
SPEAKER_05: What about what about this as a because I'm straight.
46:13
SPEAKER_05: As a little sidebar.
46:14
SPEAKER_05: What if perfect, you know?
46:17
SPEAKER_05: In every regard.
46:19
SPEAKER_05: Just you know, checks every box in your brain, and post op.
46:27
SPEAKER_05: A beautifully crafted, you can't even tell.
46:32
SPEAKER_02: Once I know it's over.
46:33
SPEAKER_02: But what if you don't even know?
46:34
SPEAKER_02: Well, if I don't know, I don't know.
46:36
SPEAKER_02: That kind of ruins the I guess now you're you know what I mean?
46:39
SPEAKER_05: Like I guess you just I guess what we're saying here is though, you are gay.
46:43
SPEAKER_05: I guess.
46:44
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, sure.
46:46
SPEAKER_05: Sure, dude.
46:47
SPEAKER_05: That's such a fun trap to lay for your pal.
46:49
SPEAKER_02: Sure, dude.
46:50
SPEAKER_02: Uh sure.
46:51
SPEAKER_05: Uh you could really intricately call your friend gay with that.
46:55
SPEAKER_02: Because I I said, like I said, once I know it's over.
46:58
SPEAKER_02: Like uh uh I've seen like like uh there was a I saw a post one time and it was uh uh Bert Kreischer and somebody else had were doing like a radio show thing and they had like a trans lady in there.
47:11
SPEAKER_02: And and they they had a trans lady in there, yeah.
47:17
SPEAKER_02: Pause it.
47:19
SPEAKER_05: One moment, folks.
47:21
SPEAKER_05: We have uh situation to handle.
47:23
SPEAKER_05: BRP.
47:24
SPEAKER_05: Situation handled, yeah.
47:27
SPEAKER_05: And I forgot my place.
47:29
SPEAKER_05: Uh something about Bert Kreischer.
47:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, Bert Kreisher, some had a trans lady on their radio show, and at first glance looks like a topless lady on the radio show because this trans lady was showing off her rack, you know?
47:45
SPEAKER_02: And then I, you know, after a second of thinking about it, I was like, is this a pornographic radio show?
47:52
SPEAKER_02: No, it is not.
47:53
SPEAKER_02: It's on a serious channel, like they are like legit on the radio.
47:57
SPEAKER_02: Serious or serious?
47:59
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, what the fuck?
48:02
SPEAKER_02: And I, you know, and I I parse through it logically, and then I was like, oh yeah, it must be a trans lady.
48:10
SPEAKER_02: And I scrolled the comments and I found out I was right because like there's no way they're just letting a lady be topless.
48:17
SPEAKER_02: There has to be more novelty to it for it to be relevant for the radio show, you know?
48:21
SPEAKER_02: So I figured that out, and immediately it was like, you know, aesthetically whatever, but like, no, like I'm not into it now.
48:33
SPEAKER_02: Like I wasn't really to begin with, except for the biological, like, ooh, you know, when you like from the age of 11 when you see boobs or whatever, but like, and it was like a tastefully done thing where it wasn't totally, you know, showing, but I was like, but in the room, she's topless, like that's crazy.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: And no, it's a trans person, that's why it's allowed.
48:55
SPEAKER_02: Because technically, those are dude nipples, you know?
48:58
SPEAKER_02: So, like, technically by the censors, not by me.
49:02
SPEAKER_02: I didn't say that, but I'm just saying I did say that, but I'm not saying that.
49:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm saying apparently that's what TV feels is the issue.
49:10
SPEAKER_05: Do you think that was the discussion that they had behind the scenes where maybe I don't know, like their fucking brains are melting down.
49:18
SPEAKER_05: They're like, we gotta blur this, but it's like, but yeah, but technically it's dude nipples.
49:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like Bert's shirt's off and we we have his nipples on the screen.
49:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
49:27
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
49:27
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it is quite the conundrum, quite the connundrum.
49:30
SPEAKER_02: But I think uh I think it was back then.
49:34
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna go with the trans thing because that's a job, and I I can remove myself from it, and it's only butt fucking, so it's different than the thing that I actually like.
49:44
SPEAKER_02: So we're we're, you know, we're we're good.
49:46
SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna do that.
49:47
SPEAKER_05: I think I'll learn a lot about butt fucking.
49:50
SPEAKER_02: I would in a very short amount of time.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
49:53
SPEAKER_02: From pros, from people who've who've probably got it ready for me.
49:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's gonna be a vast cavern when I get to it.
50:01
SPEAKER_05: As a as a job, though, I feel like I mean, if you're a trans gal and you're hiring a guy to fuck you, uh-huh, you're probably not getting it on the regular.
50:11
SPEAKER_05: That's true.
50:11
SPEAKER_05: You know, you're gonna you're gonna run into some, you know, maybe anal virgins.
50:16
SPEAKER_02: But I'll have a condom on.
50:18
SPEAKER_02: That'll help everything.
50:19
SPEAKER_02: While you're on the john?
50:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, literally.
50:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, now it's Joan, but yeah.
50:25
SPEAKER_05: You're you're the John, but they're also the John.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: This is we've run into I think they're Jones if they're trans, but yeah.
50:38
SPEAKER_02: This is my brain is melting down.
50:41
SPEAKER_02: We can make a new term and it's Joan.
50:43
SPEAKER_02: If you're a trans woman and you you get a Jane dude to come fuck you.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: Jane, yeah, that works.
50:48
SPEAKER_02: Because John Doe, Jane Doe.
50:49
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
50:50
SPEAKER_02: That's better.
50:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:51
SPEAKER_02: I was looking for that when I found Joan, and you're right.
50:53
SPEAKER_02: It is, it is Jane.
50:54
SPEAKER_02: My brain's- Well, why isn't it Joan?
50:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
50:58
SPEAKER_02: Joan is Lady John, they're closer.
51:00
SPEAKER_02: Joan Doe just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well as Jane Doe.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's because we've heard it our whole lives.
51:05
SPEAKER_02: So in some alternate universe, they're like, this Joan Doe is cut up really bad when we found her in the ditch.
51:12
SPEAKER_05: I hate that universe.
51:14
SPEAKER_05: I kind of want, I kind of want that universe.
51:16
SPEAKER_05: You know what I wish?
51:17
SPEAKER_05: I wish that universe had ignited the atmosphere when they set off the nuclear bombs.
51:22
SPEAKER_05: You remember when they were like that?
51:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh nope, just Japan's.
51:29
SPEAKER_02: It's all good.
51:30
SPEAKER_02: Just your atmosphere.
51:31
SPEAKER_02: Just the rising sun's atmosphere.
51:33
SPEAKER_02: Just your weird oriental atmosphere.
51:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
51:36
SPEAKER_02: Uh just your stir fry steam of an atmosphere.
51:41
SPEAKER_05: Uh I just I feel like I have to like put this into the mind of maybe the the slower listeners' brains, why that melted my brain down so much.
51:55
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
51:56
SPEAKER_05: Because hookers, the guy that fucks a hooker is called a John.
52:08
SPEAKER_05: When you're fucking a trans chick, right, she might have re might have also been called John pre-transition.
52:18
SPEAKER_05: That's that was my initial joke.
52:20
SPEAKER_05: The John John thing fucked me up.
52:23
SPEAKER_05: That's amazing.
52:24
SPEAKER_05: That is so crazy.
52:26
SPEAKER_05: I guarantee no one's ever stumbled upon that before.
52:30
SPEAKER_05: That is a fart mouth exclusive mind fuck.
52:33
SPEAKER_05: It's not that funny.
52:36
SPEAKER_05: There's there's definitely something there.
52:38
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
52:39
SPEAKER_05: It's just so weird and complex, and God did not intend that when he wrote the Bible.
52:46
SPEAKER_05: He was not like, one day, this dude, John, you know, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and fucking fag over here that's gonna cut his pecker off and turn it into an inside-out ball sack.
52:57
SPEAKER_05: He wasn't thinking that when he was whispering in Abraham's ear and shit.
53:03
SPEAKER_02: I know why I'm yawning, Tyler.
53:05
SPEAKER_02: It's right after I hit the weed every time.
53:08
SPEAKER_02: That's what it is.
53:09
SPEAKER_02: I figured it out just now because I hit the weed and immediately yawned.
53:13
SPEAKER_05: You know, sometimes people yawn when they're nervous.
53:16
SPEAKER_02: Is John also John the Baptist?
53:18
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
53:19
SPEAKER_02: Are those both the same guy?
53:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
53:20
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I thought so, but yeah.
53:29
SPEAKER_05: Which, by the way, not a language, dude.
53:33
SPEAKER_02: I think he was scribbling it in Hebrew and then they turned it into Aramaic.
53:36
SPEAKER_02: But yeah.
53:36
SPEAKER_05: I thought Aramaic preceded Hebrew.
53:40
SPEAKER_02: No, the New Testament was in Ara was written in Aramaic.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: But John lived many years before that and was Jewish, surely, right?
53:52
SPEAKER_02: So they were were they writing Hebrew yet?
53:54
SPEAKER_02: Or then?
53:55
SPEAKER_02: I don't fucking know.
53:56
SPEAKER_02: I might be wrong.
53:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
53:57
SPEAKER_02: I'll do that.
53:58
SPEAKER_02: I might have I might have just fucked up.
53:59
SPEAKER_05: You know what I'll do?
54:00
SPEAKER_05: I'll do some uh some like neo-Nazi gymnastics, Aramaic, Aryan.
54:07
SPEAKER_05: I think that I've proved my point.
54:09
SPEAKER_02: And that's why we believe in the New Testament as whites.
54:12
SPEAKER_02: Hell yeah, dude.
54:13
SPEAKER_02: All right, I'm doing the transgigolo thing.
54:16
SPEAKER_02: I have a segment.
54:17
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
54:18
SPEAKER_05: But we have to read Spotify comments.
54:20
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, let's do that.
54:21
SPEAKER_02: Whose turn is it?
54:21
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember?
54:22
SPEAKER_02: I think you did last if I remember.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: I think you are correct.
54:27
SPEAKER_02: I think you need to come correct.
54:29
SPEAKER_02: I think I just did.
54:31
SPEAKER_02: All right.
54:32
SPEAKER_02: Uh I'm I'm searching our podcast on Spotify right now.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: That's how I do that.
54:37
SPEAKER_05: I have to do this.
54:38
SPEAKER_05: You know what I did uh one, I don't know, I mentioned it a while back, but I had to listen to our show to remember what your would you rather topic was that one time.
54:47
SPEAKER_05: And I gotta say, dude, underrated.
54:51
SPEAKER_05: That's all, that's all.
54:52
SPEAKER_05: I'm not gonna be like, oh, we're the greatest.
54:54
SPEAKER_05: Oh, you should listen to our show.
54:56
SPEAKER_05: Oh, you should tell all your friends.
54:58
SPEAKER_05: Honestly, dude, just from like what I'm into, uh huh, we're underrated.
55:04
SPEAKER_05: Maybe not by a ton.
55:05
SPEAKER_02: I think we are too.
55:06
SPEAKER_05: I think we are underrated.
55:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think there's much more boring shows that get a lot more play.
55:12
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's that's a good way to describe it.
55:16
SPEAKER_05: The laughs per minute and like the qual quality over quantity, that whole fucking thing.
55:21
SPEAKER_05: Like there's there's nuggets in here that are like Netflix quality, but they're few and far between, but they're existing.
55:29
SPEAKER_02: They're they're there.
55:30
SPEAKER_02: We could edit this down to a 10-minute podcast that is a fucking banger.
55:35
SPEAKER_02: Oh, dude.
55:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
55:37
SPEAKER_02: If anyone wants to do that for free, please and post them on YouTube.
55:41
SPEAKER_02: I don't even care.
55:42
SPEAKER_02: Just don't use my.
55:42
SPEAKER_05: We'll give you royalties, though.
55:44
SPEAKER_05: Like if it blows the fuck up and there's like a whole deal and shit, royalties will come your way.
55:49
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
55:50
SPEAKER_05: So you're investing in yourself by doing that.
55:52
SPEAKER_01: For sure.
55:52
SPEAKER_05: It's kind of like playing the lottery, though.
55:55
SPEAKER_02: And the fact that there are no Spotify comments on the last three episodes means we're probably not gonna get anybody to do that.
56:02
SPEAKER_05: There's no way.
56:03
SPEAKER_05: There's no comments.
56:04
SPEAKER_05: I lost my phone.
56:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, dude.
56:09
SPEAKER_00: Dude, that's so funny.
56:11
SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
56:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
56:13
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm definitely not gonna be able to remember what I was thinking of.
56:17
SPEAKER_05: Oh no.
56:22
SPEAKER_05: My god, bro.
56:24
SPEAKER_05: We just did like 10 minutes of absolute pure gold.
56:29
SPEAKER_02: It was pretty good, yeah.
56:30
SPEAKER_02: It wasn't bad.
56:32
SPEAKER_05: And I forgot to unpause after the fucking eruption.
56:37
SPEAKER_05: Okay, listen.
56:38
SPEAKER_05: Um here's what happened.
56:40
SPEAKER_05: Jake said some stuff, it was pretty funny.
56:43
SPEAKER_05: I said some stuff, fucking gold.
56:48
SPEAKER_05: Then Jake said some stuff pretty fucking good.
56:51
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he rose to the occasion.
56:53
SPEAKER_05: And then I said some stuff, and it kind of petered out, and it made me look at the fucking computer screen, and I was like, oh frickin' shit.
57:01
SPEAKER_02: So the crux of it is uh we did the whole the whole John thing, right?
57:07
SPEAKER_02: Since we paused, let me read that prior prior in case we didn't do the John thing.
57:14
SPEAKER_05: Gay John?
57:17
SPEAKER_05: Also John?
57:19
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, gay?
57:21
SPEAKER_05: Trans John?
57:22
SPEAKER_05: You get, right?
57:24
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I think we did do it before the break.
57:26
SPEAKER_02: I think so.
57:27
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember, man.
57:28
SPEAKER_02: It's been so long.
57:29
SPEAKER_05: I think when we unpacked.
57:30
SPEAKER_05: At least I didn't start my list.
57:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
57:35
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
57:35
SPEAKER_02: And they had the trans lady on and blah, blah, blah.
57:38
SPEAKER_02: Nipples, yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:39
SPEAKER_02: Boy nipples.
57:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:40
SPEAKER_05: It was the studio guys were melting down.
57:44
SPEAKER_02: You get it.
57:45
SPEAKER_05: And uh freaking Bert has his shirt off.
57:48
SPEAKER_02: Why is it okay?
57:49
SPEAKER_02: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
57:50
SPEAKER_05: And then we bragged for eight and a half minutes about how underrated our show is.
57:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and then we talked about your friends.
57:56
SPEAKER_02: We discussed that too.
57:57
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I have a list.
57:59
SPEAKER_05: So a little top five areno, and then we can go play John Madden's NFL football 2027.
58:10
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
58:11
SPEAKER_05: Five dollars.
58:12
SPEAKER_05: Ladies and gentlemen, here's Jake's dark web links for illicit photos of children.
58:16
SPEAKER_05: Let's go.
58:17
SPEAKER_05: What a masterful performance.
58:20
SPEAKER_05: That guy should be hired for voiceover.
58:22
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
58:24
SPEAKER_05: For sure.
58:24
SPEAKER_05: Uh he can say sentences.
58:26
SPEAKER_02: My top five.
58:29
SPEAKER_02: Top five gays.
58:31
SPEAKER_02: Gays.
58:32
SPEAKER_02: My favorite gay dudes.
58:33
SPEAKER_02: Jake's favorite.
58:34
SPEAKER_02: That's what this is about.
58:36
SPEAKER_02: That's who this is about.
58:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm not, I'm only covering the G in this list of the LGBTQ.
58:44
SPEAKER_05: If Freddie Mercks ain't on your list, we're not friends anymore.
58:49
SPEAKER_02: My dog has the hiccups.
58:51
SPEAKER_02: Uh, number five.
58:54
SPEAKER_02: Tim Gunn from Project Runway.
58:56
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
58:57
SPEAKER_02: You know who I'm talking about?
58:59
SPEAKER_02: He's silver haired.
59:00
SPEAKER_02: That is old.
59:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
59:02
SPEAKER_02: He's probably like 60, and he's he's just got the gayest voice of all time.
59:08
SPEAKER_02: But it's also very deep.
59:10
SPEAKER_05: You can't be called Tom Gunn.
59:11
SPEAKER_02: Tim.
59:12
SPEAKER_02: Tim.
59:13
SPEAKER_05: Never mind.
59:14
SPEAKER_02: Gun with two ends.
59:15
SPEAKER_05: Joke revoked.
59:16
SPEAKER_05: You ever just you ever stamp a piece of paper and then have to pull the stamp off it?
59:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because you were like, Tom Gunn would be hilarious, and you just went with it.
59:27
SPEAKER_05: If his name is Tom Gunn and you don't go by Tommy Gunn, you're not a guy.
59:31
SPEAKER_05: Too bad his name's Tim.
59:33
SPEAKER_05: Doesn't matter.
59:34
SPEAKER_05: Never mind.
59:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Timothy Gunn.
59:36
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah.
59:37
SPEAKER_02: But he's he's gay and he's like, oh, just this dress looks so good.
59:41
SPEAKER_02: And he's just very gay and it's it's great.
59:43
SPEAKER_02: He's awesome.
59:44
SPEAKER_02: Good for that guy.
59:45
SPEAKER_02: He's just genuinely like a nice spirit, you know.
59:47
SPEAKER_02: He's like that that style of gay, you know.
59:50
SPEAKER_02: He's just really nice and stuff.
59:52
SPEAKER_05: Like the uh like the dude Jonathan from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
59:56
SPEAKER_05: Have you seen it?
59:56
SPEAKER_05: Kind of, yeah, kind of like that.
59:58
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
59:58
SPEAKER_02: Like he's just got a sweet nature about it.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's such a positive energy.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_02: He's just a sick guy.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_02: He's cool.
1:00:04
SPEAKER_02: And Tim Gunn is like that, but like I've only peripherally ever watched this show only because it was on, like my mom had it on when it first popped off when I was, I think, still a teenager.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_02: So like I saw, you know, I saw like little glimpses of Tim Gunn, and his voice was so funny, it would like bring my voice, like my eyes to the screen.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_02: And then I got to know him, and I was like, man, I wish I didn't start out, you know, my uh you know, interfacing with him, you know, one way.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_02: But I wish I didn't start that process like laughing at his voice, because this dude's actually really nice and you know it works out.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_05: Is it a Kentucky thing that people say on?
1:00:48
SPEAKER_05: Probably.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_05: If it like it that feels to me like um instinctually more like an East Coast thing, like he's on the john.
1:00:58
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
1:00:59
SPEAKER_05: But I don't know, maybe because I my boss at work is from Kentuck from the same place you're from.
1:01:05
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
1:01:05
SPEAKER_05: And you both I I've only noticed it just now because I noticed that she does it all the time.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_05: She always says on.
1:01:13
SPEAKER_05: And you just did it one out of three times.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sometimes I throw it out, I I guess.
1:01:18
SPEAKER_02: I'm also a little stoned.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_05: But I feel like when you're inebriated, your natty comes out.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_05: Oh, it does.
1:01:26
SPEAKER_05: For me, it's it's definitely the case where like the more hammered I am, the more of the Michigan shit comes out.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:01:34
SPEAKER_05: And it's like I'm not suppressing it in real in like my normal life, uh consciously.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_05: Right.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_05: It's just like same.
1:01:43
SPEAKER_05: I think I just got hammered so much in Michigan that it's like my brain is like, oh, you're there's a lot of alcohol in here.
1:01:52
SPEAKER_05: We should just talk like we did when we were up there doing that.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
1:01:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_05: Whatever.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_05: Who cares?
1:01:58
SPEAKER_02: Actually, I think it's just you just revert to a more primitive self, you know?
1:02:02
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
1:02:02
SPEAKER_02: And that's how you were you were brought up hearing people say it like that.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_02: So you, you know, yeah, that's where your brain goes to.
1:02:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh you want some pot?
1:02:12
SPEAKER_02: You can smoke some pot.
1:02:14
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I also grew up around a bunch of wiggers.
1:02:18
SPEAKER_02: Well, wiggers.
1:02:19
SPEAKER_02: God damn, my wiggers?
1:02:20
SPEAKER_02: I got some money.
1:02:21
SPEAKER_05: You grew up in China amongst the Muslim population?
1:02:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:02:24
SPEAKER_02: Uh no, my fucking stuff to my teeth.
1:02:28
SPEAKER_02: My rips.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_02: Cotton mouth snake baby.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_02: My rubbery rady rips.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_02: Number four.
1:02:39
SPEAKER_02: Robbie Bottom.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_06: Whoa.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_02: I know.
1:02:44
SPEAKER_02: Hilarious name.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_05: Is that the guy from that show on?
1:02:48
SPEAKER_02: No.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_02: Also not a porn star that I know of.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh Johnny Rotten was uh he's not gay, but uh he was uh Sex Pistols lead singer.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_02: This is another musician, uh, and not a MAGA one, as far as I know.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_02: Uh the keyboardist of Faith No More, Robbie Bottom, is my number four.
1:03:09
SPEAKER_02: You remember the fucking keyboard parts in fucking in that uh Yeah, one and all, but you can't have it.
1:03:17
SPEAKER_02: I remember that song.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_02: And the the keyboard, like the crazy strings going on in there.
1:03:21
SPEAKER_05: Like, I think honestly, probably just to be for real for real, I could probably check out for the rest of this list.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_02: No, you can't.
1:03:28
SPEAKER_02: These are the these are getting better.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_05: Five and four.
1:03:32
SPEAKER_05: Whatever.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_02: You don't know them.
1:03:34
SPEAKER_02: So that's what it is, I guess.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm saying.
1:03:36
SPEAKER_02: Number three, you know.
1:03:37
SPEAKER_05: Jake's Mr.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_05: Deep Cut Queer over here.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_05: Sorry.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_05: He likes all the gays you've never heard of.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_02: Anybody who likes, anybody who has uh seen of these two people knows they're good.
1:03:48
SPEAKER_02: They're good at what they do, they're gay.
1:03:50
SPEAKER_02: That's why they're on the top.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_05: Shout out to Tommy Gunn and John Bottom.
1:03:55
SPEAKER_02: Tim Tim Gunn and Robbie Bottom.
1:03:57
SPEAKER_02: Number three, Tim Dylan.
1:04:00
SPEAKER_02: Very funny.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_05: Probably not gay.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_05: No, that's what I have a conspiracy theory.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_05: He's gay.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_05: Me and the tinfoil fatters out there, my fan base.
1:04:09
SPEAKER_05: Uh we think that guy is probably not gay, and he's just doing it for uh, you know, internet clout.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_05: He's like, I'm gay, but also obviously fucking not.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
1:04:23
SPEAKER_05: No, he's he's pretty gay.
1:04:24
SPEAKER_02: I don't think so.
1:04:25
SPEAKER_02: He talks about being gay.
1:04:26
SPEAKER_05: I love kissing guys.
1:04:28
SPEAKER_05: I fucking love just kissing guys.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_05: So he talks very not gay.
1:04:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but he's gay.
1:04:35
SPEAKER_02: He's on the game.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_05: If you don't talk gay, you're not gay.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_02: He claims to be gay.
1:04:39
SPEAKER_02: He's you know, he just doesn't have a public boyfriend that we know of.
1:04:43
SPEAKER_02: He just he just fucks twinks.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_05: Not one dude has come out and been like, Tim Dylan fucked me.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_02: With all his property, down dude, gay dudes are down as fuck.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_05: Nah, bro.
1:04:55
SPEAKER_05: One dude would be like, Tim Dylan fucked me and it was awesome.
1:04:58
SPEAKER_05: Or Tim Dylan fucked me and he was weird.
1:05:00
SPEAKER_02: They seem catty, but they're not, dude.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_02: They're down.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_02: Uh number two, Frank Ocean.
1:05:06
SPEAKER_02: He's by.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_05: He does uh you know, he does that song that goes like uh Yo, what's up?
1:05:13
SPEAKER_05: I'm Frank Ocean.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I don't think he ever said that.
1:05:18
SPEAKER_05: Hey hey guys, it's me, Frank Ocean.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_05: Bye, Bud Light Platinum.
1:05:21
SPEAKER_05: Uh promo code Tyler.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_02: No, he's uh no, Frank Ocean.
1:05:26
SPEAKER_02: He's got you know, he's got a bunch of.
1:05:27
SPEAKER_02: I just can't remember any of his songs.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh Think About You is one of them.
1:05:32
SPEAKER_02: More like Stank Ocean, dude.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_02: No, he's great.
1:05:35
SPEAKER_02: It smells like a flipper.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh his first album was more conventional and awesome, and then his second album went into like way uncharted territory.
1:05:43
SPEAKER_02: Give me a hit, dude.
1:05:44
SPEAKER_02: RB and shit.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_02: Think about you.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_02: That was the big hit, probably.
1:05:48
SPEAKER_04: I can't feel my face when I'm thinking about you.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_02: No, no.
1:05:52
SPEAKER_02: It's like uh thinking about you.
1:05:56
SPEAKER_02: You know, no, no.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_02: I've been thinking about you.
1:05:58
SPEAKER_02: You know, don't know it.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_02: That song?
1:06:00
SPEAKER_02: No.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_02: It's good.
1:06:01
SPEAKER_05: I know for a fact there's a song out there by Frank.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_02: I parodied that actually at some point, like four years ago.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_04: I can't feel my face I don't think about you.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_05: That's the only Frank Ocean tune I know.
1:06:16
SPEAKER_02: That is not Frank Ocean.
1:06:19
SPEAKER_02: That's the weekend, bro.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_05: I can't feel my face when I'm thinking about you.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_05: Said Frank Ocean.
1:06:24
SPEAKER_02: Is that that's the weekend, right?
1:06:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm pretty sure that's I don't know, dude.
1:06:27
SPEAKER_04: I think it's I think it's I don't know who it is.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_02: I think it's Frank Sinatra.
1:06:31
SPEAKER_02: It's Nancy Sinatra.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh number one.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_02: This is Blue Moon.
1:06:37
SPEAKER_02: This is one of the gayest, like funniest, gayest people that exist.
1:06:41
SPEAKER_02: Dude, I cannot believe you skipped over the only gay that rules.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_02: They might be number six in my brain.
1:06:47
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_02: Once you say them, maybe I didn't think of them while I was thinking of this.
1:06:51
SPEAKER_02: Mama! Oh, oh.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_02: I tried not to go for those because obviously he's great, but like you gotta at least make him number four.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_05: Just be like, dude, Freddie Mergery's the greatest singer whoever's gonna be.
1:07:02
SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to do the obvious, like him, Elton John, you know.
1:07:06
SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't want to do that.
1:07:07
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to hit the fucking some some lesser knowns, you know?
1:07:12
SPEAKER_02: Even though Tim Dillon is like a hundred millionaire because everybody knows who he is.
1:07:16
SPEAKER_02: Uh I swear to fucking god, dude.
1:07:18
SPEAKER_02: Number one.
1:07:19
SPEAKER_02: I swear to fucking god, dude.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_05: I'll throw this.
1:07:22
SPEAKER_05: I'll throw it.
1:07:23
SPEAKER_05: It's this is out of left field, probably.
1:07:25
SPEAKER_05: I will throw three Bud Light platinum bottles at your head if you say what I think you're about to say.
1:07:29
SPEAKER_02: If you don't know who this is, I'm gonna I'm gonna shit.
1:07:33
SPEAKER_02: Because you should know who this is.
1:07:34
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:07:35
SPEAKER_02: Should have seen him at some point.
1:07:38
SPEAKER_02: Have you seen this?
1:07:39
SPEAKER_02: Have you heard about this?
1:07:40
SPEAKER_02: My number one is Billy Eichner.
1:07:43
unknown: Oh.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_02: His dude.
1:07:45
SPEAKER_02: For a dollar.
1:07:46
SPEAKER_02: That man on the show.
1:07:47
SPEAKER_05: Would you like to fuck my asshole and tell me about Michelle Pfeiffer?
1:07:51
SPEAKER_05: For a dollar.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_05: Name a woman.
1:07:56
SPEAKER_05: For a dollar! Four mouth podcast.
1:08:00
SPEAKER_02: Dude, I I I watched every episode of that fucking show for a period of time, dude.
1:08:09
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:08:09
SPEAKER_02: That motherfucker is that's what he was born to do.
1:08:14
SPEAKER_02: I don't care if he does movies and he does other shit that works out.
1:08:17
SPEAKER_02: That's fine.
1:08:18
SPEAKER_02: He should he should be legally required to do a man on the street segment once a week.
1:08:26
SPEAKER_02: We should get 10 minutes of that once a week from him, or he is publicly executed.
1:08:32
SPEAKER_02: That's how serious I am about how funny he is and how good he is at that.
1:08:38
SPEAKER_02: I will say.
1:08:38
SPEAKER_02: He is fucking amazing at it.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_02: Some of the most boring, atrocious, most atrocious people walk up to him and he makes a hilarious segment out of it.
1:08:48
SPEAKER_05: Here, I'll say two things.
1:08:49
SPEAKER_02: Out of thin air.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_05: I'll say two things.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
1:08:52
SPEAKER_05: Number two.
1:08:54
SPEAKER_05: First, he played a pedophile on the Netflix show You.
1:09:00
SPEAKER_05: Very, very funny.
1:09:01
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
1:09:01
SPEAKER_05: Very funny to me that that happened.
1:09:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:09:03
SPEAKER_05: I never watched the fifth season.
1:09:05
SPEAKER_05: Anything about it that happened.
1:09:07
SPEAKER_05: I don't remember.
1:09:08
SPEAKER_05: I just remember that he did that.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
1:09:12
SPEAKER_05: And I was like, holy shit, it's Billy Eichner playing a fucking like 12-year-old Latino girl.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_05: It was weird and hilarious.
1:09:22
SPEAKER_05: Uh number one, what I will say, I to be not hyperbolic and to be conservative and say, one of the top like 30 laughs I've ever had was when he went up to a lady and said, name a w for a dollar, name a woman.
1:09:43
SPEAKER_05: And she was like, uh uh.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_05: He's like, name a woman, name a woman.
1:09:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_05: And she's like, Hillary Clinton.
1:09:53
SPEAKER_05: It fucking got me, dude.
1:09:55
SPEAKER_05: That lady's panic.
1:09:56
SPEAKER_05: I honestly her panic and like the the moments he creates are funny.
1:10:01
SPEAKER_05: They are, yeah.
1:10:02
SPEAKER_05: I don't think he's very funny as a person by himself, but the moments that he creates because of his personality, which is a credit to him, yeah, are fucking hilarious.
1:10:12
SPEAKER_02: I mean, maybe that's what it is, but he does come up with some like when people say someone's name, he'll often have like a quip for them.
1:10:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:10:21
SPEAKER_02: And honestly, I'm not into all that like celebrity culture shit like on its face.
1:10:26
SPEAKER_02: He's very Bravo coded.
1:10:28
SPEAKER_02: Like I would never watch a red carpet event uh on the one of the award shows or whatever.
1:10:33
SPEAKER_02: I don't ever watch all any of that formal shit, but I do know of these celebrities like work.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_02: So for him to joke about it, I I do like that.
1:10:43
SPEAKER_05: And uh they're few and far between for me because I do like massively stand and and uh regard and revere uh Meryl Streep.
1:10:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, she's never done anything wrong ever.
1:10:57
SPEAKER_02: I mean, every like movie she's in is fantastic, everything she's ever done is perfect and amazing.
1:11:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:11:03
SPEAKER_05: She is like she's a good she's a good actor.
1:11:06
SPEAKER_05: The world doesn't deserve Meryl Streep.
1:11:09
SPEAKER_05: She is fucking like godlike in her I now I haven't seen a few of her movies, and maybe that would change my mind if I did see like a shitty thing I hated that she was in.
1:11:23
SPEAKER_05: But everything I've seen that she was in, I absolutely fucking adore.
1:11:29
SPEAKER_02: She's good at it, dude.
1:11:30
SPEAKER_02: Shout out to Meryl Street.
1:11:32
SPEAKER_02: She's good at it.
1:11:33
SPEAKER_02: At acting.
1:11:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
1:11:36
SPEAKER_02: That's my list of gay people.
1:11:38
SPEAKER_02: Gay dudes.
1:11:38
SPEAKER_02: Gay dudes.
1:11:39
SPEAKER_00: Mama!
1:11:41
SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to I also thought of Rob Halford and shit, but I was like, I'm not even that big of a fan of that band anyway.
1:11:49
SPEAKER_05: Terrible.
1:11:50
SPEAKER_02: Uh I mean I would much rather listen to Megadeth or something than that.
1:11:55
SPEAKER_02: You know?
1:11:56
SPEAKER_02: I wish the gays were.
1:12:00
SPEAKER_02: Or even Sabbath.
1:12:02
SPEAKER_02: I'd rather go all the way back to Sabbath than listen to Rob Halford.
1:12:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to think of gays I know.
1:12:12
unknown: Yeah.
1:12:12
SPEAKER_02: I do enjoy breaking the law.
1:12:14
SPEAKER_02: I like what their songs are about, but like, you know.
1:12:18
SPEAKER_05: You got another thing coming, you know, all that shit's fine, but like uh what about the football guy, Michael Sam?
1:12:27
SPEAKER_02: Michael Sam?
1:12:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's fine.
1:12:29
SPEAKER_02: I should have picked uh Ryan Seacrest.
1:12:31
SPEAKER_02: Dude that was on the Raiders.
1:12:33
SPEAKER_02: Uh there was a guy, Nassi Nasib, I think his last name was.
1:12:36
SPEAKER_02: He was a fucking defensive, I want to say linebacker, defensive end, whatever.
1:12:40
SPEAKER_02: For the Raiders.
1:12:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh he was pretty good.
1:12:42
SPEAKER_02: He was cool.
1:12:43
SPEAKER_05: I had uh I I remember I was developing a top ten list of gays.
1:12:49
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:12:50
SPEAKER_05: And the bit, because I used to make my top lists half the time they were earnest, and half the time they were just bits.
1:12:59
SPEAKER_05: And my top ten list of gays was gonna be all dudes that are rumored to be gay or that I think are probably gay but aren't publicly gay.
1:13:09
SPEAKER_02: Travolta, Cruz, yeah, uh R.
1:13:12
SPEAKER_05: Kelly, that whole deal.
1:13:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's the obvious ones that South Park uh uh pointed out.
1:13:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:13:19
SPEAKER_02: There's some others.
1:13:20
SPEAKER_05: Number one was gonna be you.
1:13:22
SPEAKER_05: Oh, nice.
1:13:22
SPEAKER_05: That was the bit.
1:13:24
SPEAKER_05: It's just like the punchline on those bit-based ones was always tough to really nail down.
1:13:29
SPEAKER_02: It is, yeah.
1:13:30
SPEAKER_02: It is tough.
1:13:31
SPEAKER_05: But if you go earnest and you just like try to build your list off of a launching point for uh stories and conversation, makes for a better segment, I think.
1:13:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
1:13:43
SPEAKER_02: Lindsey Graham.
1:13:45
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
1:13:46
SPEAKER_02: Murmer to be gay.
1:13:48
SPEAKER_05: Bottom five.
1:13:50
SPEAKER_02: He's in the bottom five.
1:13:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, man.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_02: I I I you would have still been in the bottom five if you were alive, I promise.
1:13:57
SPEAKER_05: I mean, like, if you were like f top five worst fucking gays.
1:14:01
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's worse.
1:14:02
SPEAKER_05: He's number two, number one, something like that.
1:14:04
SPEAKER_02: A war criminal, conservative gay?
1:14:06
SPEAKER_02: That's the worst gay there is.
1:14:08
SPEAKER_05: You take it up the ass and you murdered a bunch of people for no reason.
1:14:11
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:14:12
SPEAKER_05: Dude, what the frick?
1:14:13
SPEAKER_02: I mean, only one of those is like a moral, morally reprehensible thing, but yeah, it's the fucking.
1:14:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna keep being Seinfeld on that.
1:14:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
1:14:24
SPEAKER_02: That's fine.
1:14:25
SPEAKER_02: He the problem was he's a conservative.
1:14:28
SPEAKER_02: So he's actively anti-gay while also gay.
1:14:33
SPEAKER_02: You know, he's a conservative and that's the rumor, anyway.
1:14:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying he was.
1:14:38
SPEAKER_05: He's a conservative and a cum slurpative.
1:14:43
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
1:14:43
SPEAKER_05: Ten times way worse.
1:14:46
SPEAKER_05: Uh can you think of like just off the cuff, it doesn't have to be in an order or like, you know, organized or locked in, but like just uh a handful of people that you would be like absolutely fucking floored if you found out they were gay?
1:15:02
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
1:15:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh shit.
1:15:06
SPEAKER_05: It's a balance, right?
1:15:08
SPEAKER_05: Because it's like the ones that are like the most macho out there straight guys, it's like you wouldn't be that like if you found out Vin Diesel was sucking cock, you wouldn't be like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
1:15:21
SPEAKER_05: It's like, well, no, his like personality is that Chris Angel.
1:15:26
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
1:15:27
SPEAKER_02: Like some of them go so far though that it would be like stone cold.
1:15:33
SPEAKER_05: That like that's that is a great one.
1:15:36
SPEAKER_05: That would be shocking.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_05: Because his thing isn't like I fuck chicks, you know, like Vin Diesel has like this hey, what's up, baby girl?
1:15:43
SPEAKER_05: You know, like he's got this like daddy thing going on.
1:15:46
SPEAKER_02: There's not that like uh toxic masculinity as as people now would call it.
1:15:53
SPEAKER_02: Duggle's just a fucking man.
1:15:55
SPEAKER_02: He is what I mean, but he doesn't talk about being a man, he just says manly shit.
1:16:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:16:01
SPEAKER_02: He just is that.
1:16:02
SPEAKER_02: He doesn't have to bash you over the head with it.
1:16:05
SPEAKER_05: And that's how you know he's not gay.
1:16:06
SPEAKER_05: But if he was, oh my god, dude.
1:16:09
SPEAKER_05: I'll take a cook.
1:16:11
SPEAKER_05: I'll take another cook.
1:16:12
SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah, he puts his hand up and a dildo gets thrown, smashes two dildos together, just squeezes them, and cum comes out instead of beer.
1:16:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, dude.
1:16:26
SPEAKER_02: That would be insane.
1:16:29
SPEAKER_02: The internet would explode.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_02: And I'm the bottom guy.
1:16:34
SPEAKER_02: You know, I almost went drumped with that a little bit.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_05: Uh but I'm the bottom guy, because stone cold sucks so stone cold sucks pole.
1:16:47
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, dude.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_05: That was insane.
1:16:50
SPEAKER_02: It's and it's uh you hear glass breaking and then dudes moaning in its fucking theme song.
1:17:03
SPEAKER_02: Uh fucking Stone Cold gay.
1:17:07
SPEAKER_02: I mean uh the rock would be uh not quite as surprising as Stone Cold, but still a little.
1:17:15
SPEAKER_02: He's kind of he's kind of sweet.
1:17:16
SPEAKER_02: He is, but like Dana White.
1:17:20
SPEAKER_02: Holy fuck, dude.
1:17:22
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that would make some sense.
1:17:25
SPEAKER_02: There would be there, it wouldn't it wouldn't be uh I mean it would be somewhat surprising, but not like dude, here's one fucking Trump.
1:17:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_02: Would that be crazy?
1:17:37
SPEAKER_05: Or I mean it would be earth-shattering because of like the level of prominence that he's reached over the years.
1:17:43
SPEAKER_02: That's true, and the publicly being married, and uh, you know, it would definitely shock a lot of MAGA dudes because they're all like, oh Melania, you know?
1:17:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:17:54
SPEAKER_05: Uh but like plus the grab him by the pussy stuff, like that was candid.
1:18:02
SPEAKER_05: It he was being his true self.
1:18:07
SPEAKER_05: So it would be crazy.
1:18:08
SPEAKER_02: It would, yeah.
1:18:09
SPEAKER_03: It felt like it felt like like uh MAGA had to like preemptively be like, oh, look at Melania, oh look at this, the our for who our first lady's gonna be, and you know, whatever.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_02: And like immediately they were all over it because they had painted themselves into a corner with like making fun of Michelle for so long, they had to be like, they had to reflexively get ahead of any kind of uh criticism.
1:18:36
SPEAKER_05: I guess I guess the bigger bombshell in the Trump camp would be if it came out that Melania was a trans woman.
1:18:42
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that would be yeah, on the level of Stone Cold being seen.
1:18:46
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because like the Michelle's man, Michelle's a man, Michelle's a man, but it's like, no, actually, Melania's got a cock.
1:18:52
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:18:52
SPEAKER_05: That would be earth-shattering.
1:18:54
SPEAKER_05: Here's here's a crazy one, dude.
1:18:55
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
1:18:56
SPEAKER_05: You know how like after fucking like all the hard drive stuff, it was all like the news was just nothing but hard.
1:19:03
SPEAKER_05: It's hard drives, his hard drives, hard drives.
1:19:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:19:05
SPEAKER_05: What if all of bin Laden's hard drives were nothing but just him fucking getting railed by his fucking dudes?
1:19:14
SPEAKER_05: Just RPGs up the ass all day, dude.
1:19:18
SPEAKER_05: Sucking off camels and stuff.
1:19:22
SPEAKER_05: Zero Dark Squirty with all of his homies.
1:19:28
SPEAKER_05: Zero Dark Squirty is the title of the episode.
1:19:30
SPEAKER_05: Even though it's Alahu Cock Bar, dude.
1:19:32
SPEAKER_01: Alahu cock bar, bro.
1:19:35
SPEAKER_05: Why did it take us an hour and a half to get to the real con?
1:19:39
SPEAKER_02: Zero Dark Squirty is the name of the episode, no doubt.
1:19:42
SPEAKER_02: That's crazy.
1:19:43
SPEAKER_02: That's the best one.
1:19:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, for sure, dude.
1:19:45
SPEAKER_02: Uh oh man.
1:19:49
SPEAKER_02: That would be nuts, dude.
1:19:50
SPEAKER_02: G hot, guys.
1:19:51
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
1:19:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to.
1:19:53
SPEAKER_05: I put a G-Hot in your hand, big boy.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_05: G hard, maybe?
1:19:58
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
1:19:59
SPEAKER_05: Just hanging out in caves and filling them up with cum.
1:20:02
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:20:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
1:20:04
SPEAKER_02: That would be crazy.
1:20:07
SPEAKER_02: He's he's got his dialysis.
1:20:09
SPEAKER_02: He's still hooked up to his dialysis machine.
1:20:12
SPEAKER_02: Getting some fucking guy Alice.
1:20:14
SPEAKER_05: Jacking off to fucking like AI George Bush porn.
1:20:20
SPEAKER_02: Lego George Bush porn.
1:20:22
SPEAKER_02: Straight from Iran.
1:20:25
SPEAKER_02: He's like, we're not the same kind of Muslim, but I I'll still I'll still watch your shit.
1:20:30
SPEAKER_01: Lego George Bush porn.
1:20:31
SPEAKER_01: This is such a funny idea.
1:20:34
SPEAKER_02: You're one of those fucking stupid Sunnis, but I'll watch your shit that you're making.
1:20:37
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
1:20:38
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's correct, by the way.
1:20:40
SPEAKER_02: I just threw out the terms.
1:20:41
SPEAKER_02: They might be the same type.
1:20:43
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
1:20:43
SPEAKER_05: The George Bush porn would be like actual, like you know how they did like um spoofs of like Lord of the Rings and stuff.
1:20:50
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:20:51
SPEAKER_05: It would just be spoof.
1:20:52
SPEAKER_05: George Bush porn would be him laying in the casket jacking off in front of his dad.
1:20:59
SPEAKER_06: Like the whole skull and bones thing.
1:21:01
unknown: Yeah.
1:21:02
SPEAKER_06: Skull and bonus.
1:21:03
SPEAKER_02: One regime change to rule them all.
1:21:05
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:21:06
SPEAKER_06: Nice.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
1:21:07
SPEAKER_02: We're getting geopolitical at the end of this episode.
1:21:10
SPEAKER_02: One of us is.
1:21:14
SPEAKER_06: Oh man.
1:21:16
SPEAKER_06: Bin Laden taking it up the fucking ass, dude.
1:21:20
SPEAKER_02: It'd be stone cold fucking him too.
1:21:22
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, brother.
1:21:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:21:25
SPEAKER_00: I'll put a G out on you.
1:21:28
SPEAKER_00: And a margarita.
1:21:30
SPEAKER_02: He's drinking beers while he's fucking.
1:21:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:21:32
SPEAKER_02: Just shotgunning beers while he's banging.
1:21:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:21:36
SPEAKER_02: Hell yeah, dude.
1:21:38
SPEAKER_03: This tower's about to fucking blow you up, boy.
1:21:42
SPEAKER_03: This one's for tower seven.
1:21:48
SPEAKER_03: The load I'm gonna put on your ass cheeks are for each tower.
1:21:52
SPEAKER_03: Another cock has hit the building.
1:21:55
SPEAKER_00: Another.
1:21:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
1:21:58
SPEAKER_03: The rock comes in and it's another cock has hit the asshole.
1:22:03
SPEAKER_05: Do you smell with the cock is stuffing?
1:22:09
SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah.
1:22:10
SPEAKER_05: Smells like ass, and I love it.
1:22:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:22:13
SPEAKER_02: He he's like complaining.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_02: He's like, shut up, bitch.
1:22:16
SPEAKER_02: Like the meme.
1:22:17
SPEAKER_03: What?
1:22:18
SPEAKER_03: What?
1:22:19
SPEAKER_03: I'm about to give you the people's cock play.
1:22:22
SPEAKER_03: The people's cock shaft.
1:22:24
SPEAKER_03: The people's poop hole.
1:22:28
SPEAKER_02: The poop hole's elbow.
1:22:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, dude.
1:22:35
SPEAKER_02: How the fuck did that happen?
1:22:38
SPEAKER_02: At least it was the right one.
1:22:40
SPEAKER_02: That was the end.
1:22:41
SPEAKER_02: That's how you know the fucking show has completely gone off the rails.
1:22:45
SPEAKER_02: Off the bin Laden's train rails.
1:22:47
SPEAKER_05: Jeez Louise.
1:22:48
SPEAKER_05: He was running trains, you know.
1:22:51
SPEAKER_05: That's enough, guys.
1:22:53
SPEAKER_05: If you made it this far, you fucking earned those laughs.
1:22:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:22:57
SPEAKER_05: They were deserved, and you are the blessed who art thou of the lamb.
1:23:04
SPEAKER_05: And you should leave a Spotify comment so that we're not embarrassed next week.
1:23:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, John the Baptist told you to, man.
1:23:11
SPEAKER_05: John Baptiste informs you that you should probably go back and listen to the other ones that you didn't comment on and maybe think of something.
1:23:19
SPEAKER_05: Come on, dude.
1:23:20
SPEAKER_02: For God so loveth the world that he gave his only begotten son so that you would go and comment on our fucking Spotify.
1:23:27
SPEAKER_02: How about this one?
1:23:28
SPEAKER_02: He gaped his only begotten son.
1:23:29
SPEAKER_05: Jesus, number one in the top five most surprising gays.
1:23:33
SPEAKER_05: Nice, dude.
1:23:34
SPEAKER_05: How about that, dude?
1:23:36
SPEAKER_05: Oh nice.
1:23:37
SPEAKER_05: Uh patreon.com slash fartmouth.
1:23:39
SPEAKER_03: You're my son right now, boy.
1:23:41
SPEAKER_05: Throw us a couple bucks.
1:23:42
SPEAKER_05: The five dollar tier is gonna be going pretty buck wild because we're gonna start playing Madden 2027 together.
1:23:49
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:23:49
SPEAKER_05: Vidia games together.
1:23:53
SPEAKER_05: It's happening.
1:23:54
SPEAKER_05: We come.
1:23:55
SPEAKER_05: We s we hook the pig skin.
1:23:58
SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
1:23:58
SPEAKER_05: I'm a little hungry.
1:24:00
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna fucking grab a little snack when I get home here in a minute.
1:24:02
SPEAKER_05: Sick, dude.
1:24:03
SPEAKER_05: All right.
1:24:03
SPEAKER_05: Uh buy by everybody at patreon.com slash formula.
1:24:06
SPEAKER_05: Buy Bud Light Platinum, but don't drink it.
1:24:08
SPEAKER_05: Just pop the cap off and turn it in so I get a penny.
1:24:11
SPEAKER_05: It's a fucking garbage beer.
1:24:12
SPEAKER_05: It sucks, dude.
1:24:13
SPEAKER_05: Don't buy it.
1:24:14
SPEAKER_05: Just get regular Bud Light.
1:24:15
SPEAKER_05: It's fine.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_05: All right.
1:24:16
SPEAKER_05: Bye.