Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 11. The Russian Nobleman & Tony the Tiger vs. Smokey Bear (Feat. Ed)

Transcript

Episode 11. The Russian Nobleman & Tony the Tiger vs. Smokey Bear (Feat. Ed) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Alcohol's destroying your high and dry.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Ryan Barron, North Resident Drunken Philosopher.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: With me as always, James Crosslin, Resident High Philosopher.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: How are you doing today, James?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_04: I'm doing great.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for having me on the show for the 12th consecutive time, depending on when this airs.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's always a pleasure, and we're glad to have you with us.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, today, joining us as guest Drunken Philosopher, we have Ed.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Ed, how are you doing?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yo.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Doing good.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_05: Doing good.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_05: Happy New Year's, guys.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, happy new year, 2021.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, thanks for coming back, Ed.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Always a pleasure.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Glad to have you guys.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Have me on and junk.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_05: And junk and stuff.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had a long one last time.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, man.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still on the heels.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_04: It's alright.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_04: You're you're about to get some hair of the dog.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: So for our guest, for our new list, well, Ed, you already know the deal.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: For our new listeners, high and dry starts with a thought-provoking question and ends in a fist fight.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but first, before we get any of that, we got to get drunk and we got to get high.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, James, start us off.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: What are you smoking this week?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, this smoke, I'm going uh back to the basics and I'm having a really standard strain.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's just Kush.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_04: And it's got like pitch we've got, it's it's a wonderful, it's just got a lot of uh it's got a lot of mercine in it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's got a lot of uh limanine in it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm gonna be euphoric and I'm gonna be chill, and it's gonna be great.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: I'm excited.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that sounds good.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds lovely.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm sure you're gonna be having a better time than Ed.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Ed, what are you drinking?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_05: Uh well, uh I'm looking at the uh tequila and empty Jameson bottle that was from last time, and those are both high and dry.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_05: So I decided instead of doing whiskey and coffee this morning, I grabbed the first thing on the shelf, and I have stolen my old lady's kettle one botanical grapefruit and roast.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_05: Made with vodka distilled with real botanicals infused with natural flavors.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: Buy kettle one, I guess.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that sounds delicious.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Me, myself, I'll be joining you with Smyrnoff cherry.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Fodka infused with natural flavors that tastes kind of like cherry.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Does it taste kind of like cherry?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Have you tried it?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no, no, no, no.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: You tell me after the first shot.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's well, it's open, so I must have drank it at some point.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: Someone else could have drank it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Smells like cherry.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Ragnar could have had some.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my dog got in there.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I guess let's get this thing started.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's lush.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: Well, if I if I couldn't breathe, I would drink myself to death, also.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: So here's our first shot, our first hit.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: What's this first one, too?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Last.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_04: There you there have been a lot of listeners that have been really steady lately.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: We got uh College Station, uh, San Jose in Chicago are all have all been really great listeners lately.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_04: So thanks to you all.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, San Jose in Chicago, and where was the Texas Station, Texas?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: We see you.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh cheers, boys.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's the uh it's the cherry that gets you.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, geez.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_04: Ryan, how long was I exhaling there?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_04: That was like three seconds.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: Three seconds, yeah.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_04: Why the hell?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_04: What are we doing?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_04: I think I need to start smoking like a uh like some flour.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_04: These dabs are well, I don't know.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_04: I guess I'm getting really I guess it's the same as a shot.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_04: We you if I was smoking flour, you'd have to switch to beer.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_04: No, we're doing I'm doing the weed equivalent of a shot.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, as long as we're on the same page.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right, you have them get their second go ready.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do it.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_04: What's this one to?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_04: This one's to Ed.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome back.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: Hey.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_04: All right, pouring.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_04: Drink it.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: It just tastes like cough syrup.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_05: Oh man, that's rough.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_05: It tastes like rubbing alcohol that has the idea of grapefruit in it, and then somebody just dumped a dozen roses from Valentine's Day and just let it stew in a jug.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_05: It was one botanical.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: It was distilled in a barrel next to a crate of grapefruit.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_05: Next to uh idling diesel truck.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_05: Gettle one.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_05: Botanical.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_05: Real botanical real thing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and here's the third one.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_04: This one, I I would say this one is to uh our two combatants tonight.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Ripley, uh uh Ellen Ripley.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, we're going with Smokey Bear.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh shit.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_04: Smokey the Bear and Tony the Tiger.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Smokey the Bear and Tony the Tiger.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Here they are.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Three round three.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Two hits in the round.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, two hits of this cush is all it takes.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_04: I totally forgot what podcast we're doing today.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_04: We're a very serious podcast.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: As you can tell.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_04: We're serious business people.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_04: This is a serious podcast.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_04: We're organized.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: Well, we're I think we're going to be able to do that.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this is either going to be episode 12 or about episode 14, depending on how we release it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's taken us 14 episodes potentially to start having an exact on who we're toasting each time.
• 6:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And we're still not 100% there.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_04: Remember when we just toasted Carl Urban the actor?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we're bringing that back.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: High and Dry likes everything he does.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: I guess.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_04: I haven't seen everything.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm saying like on social media.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_04: Every time he does anything.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna stalk Carl Carl Urban's social media.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, I already have been.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_04: I see you, Carl.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_04: We'll have to do it on the main account then.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I've been doing on uh Instagram.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_04: Every time Carl posts anything, I and tries there.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_04: Did you like all his backlog stuff too?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: He's probably looking like these fucking stalkers.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: I'm kinda into it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I kind of like it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: I like that one beach photo he took like four years ago.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_05: Just comment hot with like six T's and three T's.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, your pecs are looking real luscious.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's how we'll get out there.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll backlog like celebrity photos.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_05: Like put prop subcomments on everybody.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to social media.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it's gonna become a thing on the West Coast.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, have you been liked by that one podcast?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Have you been stalked by those guys?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes!
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_04: I'm scared.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: They broke into my house to measure me while I slept.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: They needed it for punches.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: But I won that round.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_05: You know what?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_05: I think I got a toast.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_05: I think I got a toast uh that we forgot about.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_05: Like I'll do it myself if you guys don't want to take a shot in the head.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do it.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do it before the next round.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, alright, alright.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: So moving on, you can see that we're really focused this episode.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: So here it is.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So the question I pose to you, um, we haven't done one of these in a little while.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um when we first started it, we were doing more of uh, I guess, thought experiments versus just basic questions.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna kind of delve back into those thought experiments for a second.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um and are either of you guys familiar with the Russian nobleman.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: Which one?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, in this particular one, we're talking about a run a young Russian nobleman intends to give his estate to peasants upon inherit uh upon his you know death, and that's the whole plan there.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that's the that's the best kind of rich person who uses their control over people until they die, and then they're like, well, I guess if I'm dead, then it doesn't mean he gives a shit.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um but he also realizes that over time his ideals might fade.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um so he puts his ideas down, he writes everything down, he gets it legally documented, everything like that.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um then he gives it to his wife, um, the only person as part of his estate who can revoke it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And he makes her promise not to consent if he changes his mind later on.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: So he basically says Great, just hoisting his problems onto a woman.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: So if I lose these ideals, I want you to think that I cease to exist.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: So now suppose, so this is where the question comes in for you guys 50 years later, he changes his mind and he asks his wife to revoke the documents.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_04: What an asshole.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's what the rich do.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Pieces of shit.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what should he do?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So the question is the wife was made a promise to the young nobleman.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: She's now married to the old nobleman with all of his memories and new beliefs, and he's the same person as the young nobleman, or is he?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Is a promise attached to a person or to a self?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, that's a good question.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: So is a promise attached to a person or to a self?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: So he is still the nobleman.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: The old the old nobleman is still the nobleman.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's just 50 years later.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: The promises that were made to the young nobleman, are they the same promises by the old nobleman?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: So is the promise attached to the person or to a self?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_04: What do you think, Ed?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_05: Um difficult because really she's becoming the executor of his estate, like with his intent, but I mean still obviously alive to change it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_05: And I it it's hard because people with their intents change as they get older.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_05: Like people change with their life experiences.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_05: And it did something happen in his life that makes him want to revoke that where I kind of play with it.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he just became a dick over time.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, so so the question is should you honor a person's past wishes despite them wanting something different in the present?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's like the like no matter what you hear, don't let open this door kind of a thing.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden he's banging on the door, let me the fuck out.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Who do you honor?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Send a give.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who do you honor?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Do you honor the man who went in and said, do not open this door, or do you honor the man who's already inside saying, Let me out?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_05: So I I look at that kind of like if somebody was going through like heroin withdrawal.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_05: Just like you were saying, don't let me out of this room until I sober up.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_05: And I think it's a matter of honoring your previous wishes as long as they're not detrimental to yourself or others, as long as it's beneficial.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_05: So if he in his younger state wants to be like a person who's more humanitarian and give the stuff away, he's like, listen, I know in the future I'm gonna become a dick.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_05: Or there's a possibility I'm gonna become a dick.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_04: There's a lot of evidence that people become dicks as they get older.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm putting this on paper now.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's almost empirical.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: So I I mean I think it really well, I mean, I guess it comes down to the choice of the executor, like so his wife, because really, if he said, what the fuck does it matter?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_05: So it's gonna be her choice and it's gonna be her own decision on if it's gonna go if she returned to self-ish or not.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, so if if I could get an off the like off the cuff sort of your initial, so let's put yourself, you're his wife, all right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you've been happily married for so long, 50 years.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um what and he's like, hey, babe, I need you to revoke all this.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: What do you respond?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_05: Like, well, we've been stuck in a loveless marriage for the past 50 years, so I'm gonna give all your shit away and keep it in mind.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: So go fuck yourself.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: Interesting, interesting, interesting.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Mother Rubin.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_04: Take your land.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well then, James, off the cuff, you've been happily married to this man for 50 years, and uh he's suddenly wanting to not give his stuff to the peasantry.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: Well, uh I would just say no.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, you know, if if that's the kind of person I'm married to, I'd have to start reevaluating myself.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: So in your twilight years, you're gonna go on a like a journey of self-discovery.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go to Italy, Greece, Argentina.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna fuck so many.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm gonna fuck.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um but uh uh I what I really think the qu the original question was is a promise to a person or to a self.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_04: Um I I don't think I don't think it's either.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think your promise is to another person.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_04: I think when you make a promise every time when you make a promise, it's to yourself.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because you're the only one that can really hold you accountable for the promise.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: You could upset another person with your choice, but you're the only one who can hold you accountable to a promise.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you're you're making that promise to yourself.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, this guy is being a rich guy and he's putting all that sort of responsibility and difficulty and hardship on someone else.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'd say it's totally up to the person who made the promise.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_04: If you made a promise, you can choose to break it at any time.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_04: A promise isn't really to another person, it's to yourself.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: What is your word worth to yourself?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_05: But then doesn't it just become a contract then?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_05: Because if you're putting on the line, like when you're your younger self, like, hey, listen, I know things are gonna change.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_05: Like it doesn't matter if it's the Russian nobleman who's becoming whatever, like he's just becoming the dick, or you know that you have a lot of money and in 20 years you want to give back to X amount of people or just whatever frivolous idea.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I think what's happening is by involving somebody else, the idea of the promise goes into the ether as an actual verbal contract, and whether you want to like reneg on it or not depends it doesn't matter.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_05: Like you put it out there.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_05: But then again, that's more of like a hopeful, like aspiring ideal, you know what I mean?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_05: That I'm I'm kind of pushing for.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_05: It is.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_05: It is I I think it's made.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_05: Like once it's put out there, it's it's done.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: What you're doing is forcing yourself.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: You what he gave the power to another person because they had they did not have confidence in their own word.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: That Russian nobleman did not have confidence that he could keep a promise to himself over the course of that time.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: And so he asked someone else who he felt could keep a promise better than him.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: He gave them the power.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I would say if it was me, I'd be like, that promise was to myself that I would force you to keep your word.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't, I do not go back on promises, especially not one like that.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so I mean, it's it's very it's very light.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it works well because we're we just entered the new year, everyone's got their new year's resolutions, and everyone's getting ready to go to the gym, and they they talk to their spouse and they're like, hey, I'm gonna start eating right and I'm gonna go to the gym.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: I need you to make sure I stick to that.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day, it is up to you.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um but for the sake of this particular philosophical argument, all power has been given to this man's wife.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the question becomes as the wife or spouse, um, however this plays out in their marital world, do I honor the man before me, or do I honor the man to whom I promised?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: Neither one.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_04: Neither one.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's in my honor that I keep my promise.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, I would question.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: I don't like the constraints of the question.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_04: I think the question is overly constrained.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_05: I think, but I mean you have to look at how it is.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_05: Like that's that's what it is.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_05: Like, does she honor his will?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_05: Because it doesn't matter if he made that promise when he was young or old.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_05: Like, see, he made that promise, walked out his door, and just got hit by a bus.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_05: She'll still honor it.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_05: Well, he knows that he doesn't have the wherewithal to honor his own stuff, so he's asking her, the person he loves, to make sure his memory of being a good person carries on, even though he might become shitty.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my question then to you guys before we do move on to the next segment.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: So you're you are the spouse.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: You are the spouse.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: The simple the so the the simple question, the simple answer I'm looking for here is fifty years ago, your spouse said, Hey, promise me that we're gonna give our land and wealth to the peasants when I no longer need it.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: What do you do when all of a sudden that same man 50 years later is coming to you saying, I don't want to give it to the peasantry anymore?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: Ed, like uh, one sentence, you got it.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_05: Uh I lie to him and says that I'm going to honor his wishes to change it, but I think that the contract still holds up in the back of my head.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_05: So not only am I honoring his promise, but I'm honoring his legacy to make him better than how short-sighted he is in his older years.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_05: Nice.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, you selfish motherfucker.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: What you're doing is saving your marriage and just kind of sliding through until he dies.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's like I bet he's gonna die soon.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: I better wait this out.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, as his wife, I'm gonna be like, this is gonna be that one weird week where he wants to do butt stuff.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_05: It's like, all right, fine, whatever, I'll get through this rather than have a fucking argument.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: That's the best, like that's the best philosophical response.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: I'd lie.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, because this is gonna be the fucking week where he's asking for weird shit.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'll lie and I'll use it to control his behavior in the future.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I love how utilitarian that is.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like he drops all pretense of philosophy and like I got a fucking marriage to manage.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_05: Like I'm looking at it like, you know what?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_05: I know like I'm not gonna be on this earth for so much longer if it's that old.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_05: And I know the one thing that's gonna keep his memory alive is his is his legacy.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, granted, as long as I'm still well off because I'm I'm a selfish gold digger, but I'll have a dungeon.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't marry him for penis and lack of sense of humor.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_05: I was a fucking duchess before him.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_05: Don't you fucking forget that.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_04: All right, how dare you?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_05: Of course not.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: How dare you?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_04: All right, so Ed Ed Ed keeps his marriage going and loves whatever he wants when the husband's dead.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: I love it.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_04: I love it.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: I like it also.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: James, what do you got?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: So give us that one sentence.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: Your your husband of 50 years has returned to you saying that, hey, remember when I was young and honorable?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck that.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_04: You've you've I tell him you've changed.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_04: I divorced him and I fuck.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I do.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: I like it.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: I like it.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: Um, yeah.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_04: And and the peasants get the land because I don't want to be tied down to one location anymore.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_04: I'm free.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I've I've been tied to this man who slowly turned into a piece of shit over the course of what however many years.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_04: I'm free now.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I I think I'm gonna go with you on that one.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's my golden years now.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: This dude, this is why we haven't fucked in like 10 years.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm gonna fuck.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't the man I married.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm gonna get I'm gonna get fucking a train ran on me in Venice somewhere.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_04: Uh the canals are so beautiful.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: And that's that.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: While the the Roman is just trying to look on.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, in the they're in the gondola.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, me and SR the individual.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: You just keep looking forward, or don't, whatever.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_04: You're a fucking professional.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_04: Keep your eyes on the river, asshole.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like this is the first time someone's ran a train in your gondola.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_04: They give them they slip him a 20 to sing like a really romantic song.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_05: And that's when the boon hits your eye like a big piece of pie was born.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's history.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's what it's about.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's about a duchess finally getting hers.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, all right.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: So here we go.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: We're moving on to the second part of this fucking podcast.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_04: Transitions, how do they work, right?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: The second part of this gangbang, we call it podcast.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um So now we move into the fist fight between an uh a fake bear and a fake tiger.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: Smoky the bear, technically a real bear.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_04: Technically was a real bear.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_04: Smoky bear, I'm sorry.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_04: I keep saying Buggy Bear.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: He is Smokey Bear.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: That's his full name.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: So before we move on to that part, um, we've had about 23 minutes now to kind of settle a little bit and let the alcohol evaporate from our systems, which means that we need to get back in there.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it's time for us to have our second shot.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean fourth.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's time for our fourth go here.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_04: Ed uh Ed had a toast, I think he said he wanted to go.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, Ed, you had a toast in the beginning?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was about to toast to the old woman and her gangbang.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_05: Ed's got some.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I also am toasting to an old woman and her gangbangs.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers to Betty White for surviving all of 2020.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, way to go, Betty White.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_04: She fucked a guy to death on the Golden Girls.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_04: It's true.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's a real thing that happened.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: There was an episode where they dealt with Betty White accidentally fucking a guy to death.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_04: Because she's got to kill her vaginas.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's canon.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_05: He died happy.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_05: That is canon.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_05: That would be a great episode.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_05: Like it would be Betty White who killed a guy with a vagina versus from the movie Teeth.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Versus Teeth.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that Betty White would win that one just out of wisdom.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, it depends.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Are we talking about uh her character on Golden Girls?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because in Golden Girls.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: No, too.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: We're going too far off tracking.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: Alright.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So moving on to the next part of High and Dry.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: So now we're going to enter into our fist fight.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jesus Christ.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: So on our fist fight, uh High and Dry does it a very special way.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: This is a patented method that ensures the utmost care and the true winners of any sort of hypothetical fight that you can create when you're um you can't argue with it.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing you could do about it.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Three rounds.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: First round, we see our characters jump in the ring, take off their shirts, their shoes, their belts.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: They only have things that are intrinsically part of them, and they punt go punch for punch and we see who falls down.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Round two, we move out to a city view where both of these characters have received a manila envelope under their doors.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: They know that they have to go kill the other one, and now they and now they can go do that in a city that's similar to both of their preferred locales.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_04: A park.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's a city park.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_04: It'd be a city park.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_04: It'd be a city park with like a bunch of sports activities, shits around for Tony the Tiger, and a bunch of trees for the bear.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: A bunch of sugar high children running around.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this Central Park is big enough to have trees and jungle gems.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's probably gonna be Central Park.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so then round three is the same thing, except this time our fighters roll up with a friend.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: But so to start this thing off, um, we already took our fourth shot, right?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, we're good.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_05: Do you want to do another?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: Kinda.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_05: All right, let's do it.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_04: You're my only friend.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_04: Last time we took a shot, we started talking about Betty White.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_04: We almost started planning another episode about Benny White.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_04: We we planned episodes on this on this podcast.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's what's happening right now.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so uh the magic of alcohol.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: The magic of alcohol.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Here's to the magic of alcohol.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's your local library.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: Don't forget about the magical canvas as well.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, magic of cannabis.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck go down the wrong site?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, fuck you wrong.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_05: Your local library.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_05: So, for our listeners, if you ever wanted to wonder what kettle one ha happens to you when you laugh and it blows into your sinuses, it clears out all that shit.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, there you go.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: It actually cures colour.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: We'll probably take out some of the hacking and yelling.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're making great time.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so round one, initial thoughts.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: Guest Tony the Tiger versus Smokey Bear.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: They've just both jumped into the ring whilst Tyler Durden looks on.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna win?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: Initial thoughts.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so what I'm thinking is if you put just a bear and a tiger straight into a fucking cage.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_05: A tiger is an ambush cutter.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_05: It doesn't have the stanoma of a bear, and his claws are curved inward so that you can't get away from its prey.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_05: But who the fuck wants to be holding on to a fucking bear who can actually wiggle around in his skin and then turn around and bite the shit out of him?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_05: Because pound for pound, they're pretty much the same.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_05: Because American Black Bear and a Siberian tiger pretty much weight class together.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a good point.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, James, can I get your initial thoughts?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: The two have jumped in the ring.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Initial thoughts.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_04: I actually a tiger is the largest predator on land.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: It it is.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's it is the now is that true against the polar bear?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm actually not sure against the polar bear, but against American black bear, I think I think a tiger has a couple hundred pounds on it.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_04: And uh and I think that the tiger has incredibly long teeth, teeth that are meant for attacking and tearing prey, uh, unlike a bear that has paws, and their teeth are more almost like canines.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_04: Like a canine's teeth.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_04: They're not as like a cat's teeth with those long curved fangs and really like sharp tearing claws.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, so well, we got some interesting uh first thoughts there.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and what what I think it's turned into is just uh a tiger versus a black bear, which in that case I think that a tiger would definitely win.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: However, we're talking about Smokey.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: They're also people.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're talking about Smokey Bear, and we're talking about Tony the tiger.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so first off, um, Smokey has saved millions of acres of forest just over the course of his life.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um but that's great for him.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what I think is what can you bring into the ring from that?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Into the ring, though.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Smokey is able to increase his size.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Vastly.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking to the level of like fucking Cthulhu looking over a mountain kind of shit.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Is he really?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_04: He's capable of that.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that's pretty.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_04: That's not second round powers, though.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, this is this is all stuff that's innate to them.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something he'd bring.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, gloves off.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_04: And he only do that in a forest?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: He can't do that.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, but because the video related Well, the video in which he does that, he's friggin' looking over a mountain range.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think the question, so I mean, you have I mean, you've seen this before in like certain I guess animes and stuff like that, where something becomes giant.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: So my question is with Tony the Tiger, he he can shape shift, he can supercharge.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, he can supercharge, but the supercharges only if he has frosted flakes on hand and he cannot he does not have he does not have frosted flakes in the ring.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that might be the answer because um Tony that that point is separated from his source of power.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, I I agree with that.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_05: Smoky, well, is you think Tamper set up a table, like to have a well-balanced breakfast?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Are you asking if Tyler Durden set out a fucking uh craft services table?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: Both I just want to I just want to say both of these gods would draw their power from a picnic.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_04: If there was a picnic where people were eating frost and drink, both of them would draw power from it.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um well uh okay, so I'm gonna say um just we're gonna actually I I think we have a lot of information right there just on the the the face of it, and I think where this is really gonna become uh a game changer is in the second and third rounds.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm actually gonna push ahead and I'm gonna bring this to a vote.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_04: Man, I had one more thing I wanted to say is I think Smokey Bear's powers are tied to being in the forest.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_04: And I think if they were in a ring, I don't know if he would get a chance to shape change like.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_05: Well, but then it's smaller to be cage and a city.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_04: The first the first round is just in a ring, it's like a fight club.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: At this point, then you have Tony is separated from his frosted flakes, Smoky Bear is separated from his forest.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_04: So it comes down to personality.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_04: Who do we think would personality plus a tiger and a bear?
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_04: A tiger with a personality versus a bear with a personality.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: All right, well, that's a good point.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, um we're still gonna bring it to a vote for this first round.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Ed, what's your vote?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Tony or Smokey?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_05: I think that it's gonna come down to smoky, but it's gonna be a hair.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_05: It's gonna be an absolute hair.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_05: So smoky?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm going smoky, I'm going smoky.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_04: All right, James?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_04: I think that tigers are able to bring down prey that's larger than them.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um I think that uh I think the bears don't usually do that.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's very fairly rare for bears to be that kind of a hunter.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, they're usually more of a scavenger if they eat if they're eating meat or catching, they catch fish and shit.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I think I also think that Tony the Tiger is like an ex he's like a sports dude.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_04: So he's like explosive with his power, whereas uh uh Smokey Bear is like a hiker.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_04: He's like a forest ranger, and he's like more stamina.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: He's not like running through the forest, you know, fucking fast.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_04: The tiger is fucking fast.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_04: He's he's rollerblading around uh around Smokey Bear, you know.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_04: He's just running circles around him.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I think just because he's a uh a bigger, you know, more predacious animal that he takes it.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_04: Tony Tiger.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um oh so that's a lot of interesting points.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and uh, you know, I'm I'm I'm not coming on here to try and pitch my writing.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um but currently right now I'm working on uh on a vampire novel, and uh I know, but um I'm working on a vampire novel and we're excited about it that I drove I drew.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_04: Don't don't don't be ashamed of it.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_04: I'm excited about it.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I appreciate that, James.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, thank you.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things I drew from when I was creating these vampires um was tigers.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I was looking for who's the greatest predator on earth, you know?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and one of the things that I became fascinated with, um, because you you see a vampire in media and they hiss all the time.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why the fuck are you hissing?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I was like, the first thing I want is I want mine to roar.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and so that brought me to the best roar there is, which is tigers.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then and through that research, I discovered that tigers they have a roar where and and Tony has this too, yeah, in the form of their great.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: What is that?
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um when a tiger roars at you, it's actually a spine lock.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: And when a tiger hits you with his roar, there's a vibrational power to it that literally locks up your spine.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you drop.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's interesting.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and Tony is able to do that with they're great.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_04: I remember, I remember as a kid when I hear Tony yell they're great, I'd be like, Oh, I want some fucking frost flakes, my spine would lock.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: So what I think's gonna happen is Tony's gonna roar, they're great, and Smokey's spine will lock, and he'll collapse like a stalk of broccoli.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_05: See, I I I don't think because in the commercials with Smokey, the he has seen some shit where all of his friends, all of his family have been killed by forest fires.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_05: So he has it doesn't make him faster.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: But this is this is the interesting thing about it.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's not an emotional reaction that these creatures are experiencing, it's literally a physical reaction that the vibrations it makes your muscles test, it makes your muscles tighten.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, which I thought was uh just a fascinating thing that one of our apex predators on this planet is capable of.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: They can literally scream at you and cause you to lock.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_04: Make your muscles fire.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty crazy, which is something that I wanted for these vampires that I was creating in my world of fiction.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and so I think my knowledge, my research of that is gonna actually say that a tiger will take it at that point.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as he shouts, they're great.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_04: So he the bear just all his muscles fire, his muscles lock and he drops.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_05: I really wish.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_05: I really wish they showed that in the commercials every time he said, All the fucking kids would just drop to the ground, just paralyzed.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, he just starts one girl in the wheelchair, he just broke her spine.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_04: He drags one of them into a tree.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't survive off of frosted flakes, the kids do.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: He's like some weird muscle and drill witch.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: But my vote in the end goes to Tony the Tiger, which gives it a two to one on Tony, which means that Ed, your opinion has magically changed.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking okay.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_04: Listen, my listen, my my opinion had to change on the last one, and I was pretty disappointed, but here I am.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, here you are.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as two guys vote one way on high and dry, your opinion just morphs.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_05: So we're all on the same highly because I think we're on to something with him roaring to paralyze the kids.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_05: He uses the frosted flakes to bait the kids as a super apex predator.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_05: And that's where it is, and take them into a tree.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_04: Me too.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_04: We gotta rush into second round.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta go into the second round.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm glad that all three of us voted for Tiny Tony the Tiger.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: So round two, he's great.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: Round two, these two characters have both received a manila envelope under their door.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_04: The rock that they live under.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, Smokey Bear just gets a manila envelope under his like rock welcome mat.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_05: Who disturbs my slumber?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was hibernating.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: I was hibernating.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: So they're both awoken, and now they have access to everything that they have access to, and they're gonna duke it out in Central Park.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: Ed, initial thoughts, who's gonna take it?
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh man.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um I I think it's gonna come down to Tony the Tiger because of his actual ability to be more of a cartoon character physic than Smokey the Bear.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_05: Because his reiteration, he went from a pretty omnipotent being all the way to just some creepy ass dude in a suit who just stalks people and goes, You don't see me.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_05: But Tony, he can manipulate electricity.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_05: He's a fucking cartoon, he's got space jam physics up and down all day.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_04: He does also have access to his supercharged frosted flakes at this level as well.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_05: He does have his cocaine cereal.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_04: And and it it affords him a lot of abilities.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_04: He can uh he can move so fast he drills into ice.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh he can he can extend his arms and like tear trees out of he becomes so strong he can tear trees out with his arms.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um and he can shape shift.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_04: He can shape shift into like different he can shape shift into objects or other animals.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I would say so Tony has unleashed all of his power, but I think that also at the same time, this fucking black bear has unleashed all of his power.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: That is true, which includes at any point during their fight, if a fire breaks out uh not Tony, um Smokey can reverse time.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_01: He sure can.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then I would also say that that Smokey is capable of transforming into a being that's like 30 fucking stories like that stretches over mountain ranges and like his hand slowly comes down on Tony.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: That is true.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I uh what I think would happen here, if at any point like does Tony smoke?
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think Tony smokes, I think he's very athletic.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's an athlete, so he's probably not smoking.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: But um, if at any point a fire is lit.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but but but Smokey cannot light the fire.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_04: He is devoted to saving to not light a fire.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_04: But if a fire gets lit.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_04: Well, actually, so Smokey Smokey Smokey can light a safe fire, but he cannot purposely light an unsafe fire.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_04: Well and he wouldn't want to, even if even if he tried to he wouldn't try to work around this power.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_04: He would try to prevent unsafe fires.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: Even at the cost of his own life.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, even at the cost of his own life, Smokey Bear would try to prevent it.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, okay, I think what our what what our listeners might not understand is that Smokey originally came from New Mexico and he was a little black baby bear.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, he was a baby black bear who was clinging to a tree and of a forest fire that had decimated the area.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um he was then taken to Washington, D.C.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and paraded about in front of senators.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um and we're convinced I'm I'm convinced at least that Smokey the Bear, because of his New Mexico origins, has been imbued with the radio, he's been radioactive, his DNA has mutated, and he's turned into a man-shaped bear.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and that's why he's a uh, you know, he's an anthropomorphic bear.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_04: A forest god.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_04: He's a forest deity.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it's actually just nuclear radiation from his New Mexico heritage.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, so I'd like to add to that.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_05: I I think it's a cover.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's a cover.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_05: I think after seeing the magic and devastation of flames, he's become a serial arsonist who's decided to come in to save the day and use, oh no, we gotta protect this shit.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_05: Fuck that.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_05: He's gonna fire fire to activate his time ability to be able to unfuck Tony the tiger.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's he's like one of those fire inspectors that lights the fires so that he can get the attention.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_04: I had not been white people for 50 years.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_05: He is a criminal and a fraud.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's all right, so Tony is capable of supercharging.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: Smoky is capable of growing to godlike sizes and reversing time if there's a fire.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_04: But I don't think he'd let there be a fire.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_04: He would also take care of the fire first.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_04: He wouldn't, he would take, he would, he would make sure nothing else burned.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_01: That being the case, I would like to so we understand the we understand what's capable what's happening here, what they're capable of.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: We understand it.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_04: So I do have one more thing.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: Go on, please.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like give me the one more.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Really quick, yeah.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_04: Smokey Bear can disguise himself mission impossible style like a normal human being.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_04: And that was in one of his commercials where there was like this pretty woman talking to the camera about forest fires, and then Smokey Bear, like mission impossible, pulled her face off and was like, if you knew it was me, would you listen?
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, like no one he's capable of perfect disguise to the point in which he becomes an attractive 109-pound woman.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_04: He is capable of turning himself disguising himself as a human completely.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's something then that we all three of us need to keep in mind.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: Ed, we're going to pass to you now for your round two vote.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna take this?
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: Tony the Tiger or Smokey the Bear?
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's gonna be Smokey the Bear because of his Mission Impossible, because he he, even though he's an Apex predator by nature, he lives as your average dude who is super bro, who owns a suburban house, and his name is Kevin.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_05: He'll be tricked by the white lady.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_05: And he also has this mastery of being able to sneak up on people.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_05: And I think with Tony being as just kind of loopy as he is with the cartoon character, that Smokey has the edge of being able to sneak up on Tony as the white guy and just stab him with his straight claws.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_04: He can sneak up on Tony as a kid.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_04: True.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: Tony loves kids.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_04: Tony has kids around all the time.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, Ed, is that then um so your vote goes to to Smokey?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think I'm gonna go Smokey on that one.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_05: I think subterfuge is gonna beat overall power.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_04: James, what's your vote?
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_04: I I agree.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_04: I think I'm I think I'm right where Ed is.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_04: Which brings it to Smokey?
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's two votes for Smokey.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_04: Um my before your opinion changed, what was your opinion?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna lie to you.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm I'm still caught on the fact that Smokey can become this Cthulhu-esque, you know, stretching over a mountain range in all of his black bear glory.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, Tony the Tiger could shape shift into like a pocket knife and slide right up, right up Smokey the Bear's asshole.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just saying, he did it, he did it in one of the commercials.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_04: He turned into a pocket.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, though, I do have to go with my gut.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so for my vote in round two, my thoughts were that we keep forgetting.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_01: So Tony's coming at him in my mind, and even if he doesn't transform into the Cthulhu-esque deity, Smokey wields his shovel and just beats this tiger to death.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's a good one.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_04: He comes up as a kid, disguised as a kid, and then turns into the bear and shovels Tony the tiger to death.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: But his spine paralyzing power is impressive.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day, it's irrelevant.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, two votes have gone to Smokey, which means that second round will go to Smokey.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: So one and one.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's no, that uh yeah.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: So Tony won the first round?
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so that means that we got one for Tony, one for Smokey.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to go into the third round, and this is where either character is gonna take it.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: They're doing the same thing in Central Park, except now they're bringing a friend.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: We need to decide quickly.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_01: Who are they bringing?
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I am going to say that Smokey is going to bring Teddy Roosevelt.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_04: That's a pretty effective partner.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_01: So because Smokey's origin story is so aligned with Teddy's story of you know saving the bear and everything like that, that I'd say the two of them are close friends.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that Smokey's riding in with the Rough Riders.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_05: See, I had something similar to that.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I think because of the actual canon of Smokey being so aligned with Native American interests, that he brings all of the Apache warriors.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I think he has access to because of his godlike status, I think he would bring uh Native American deities with him.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like Coca-Pelle?
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I don't know.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know enough about he'd bring Coyote because he needs someone who's just as tricky as him.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: See, um well, and that's why I would like to propose to both of you gentlemen that Smoky's road rolling in with Teddy Roosevelt.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take it.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: An American deity.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'll take it too.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_05: Because that that otherwise, if it goes the whole deity is it's just gonna be absolutely insane.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean Americans still worship him.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so alright, well, all right.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: So Smokey's rolling in with Teddy Roosevelt, Theodore Teddy Roosevelt.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, who is Tony the Tiger rolling in with?
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no idea.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: My first bet was Captain Crunch.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: Apex care.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_01: My first bet.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Tony, he's kind of a lone a lone wolf in that.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: Well, he sure hangs around a lot of children, though.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but Tony is a Kellogg character, right?
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_04: Tony is a Kellogg character.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_04: I tried looking it up.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_04: Your internet blows, though.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_01: Which means, so if it's a Kellogg's character, that means Tony has access to Toucan Sam.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um he has two can Sam's powerful.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: He has Captain Crunch.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_04: He has Captain Crunch?
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, fucking Captain Crunch.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_04: Captain Crunch can literally turn an ocean into Captain Crunch and he can create a boat out of nothing.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_04: Like he can throw boats at Smoky Bear.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's got Booberry, he's got Frankenberry, he's got the pop, the like uh uh the pop whatever the fuck they are for Rice Krispies.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, snap, crackle pop.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_04: He's got snap crackle pop.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_04: Snap crackle pop are super fucking powerful.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_04: They have insane commercials.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_04: He's got lucky charm, he's got diggums.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, no, he's got he's got the lucky charm leprechaun.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_04: He's got the leprechaun.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_04: That's who he's bringing.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_04: Nope, that's it.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_04: I three times I've been like, nope, that's it.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_04: We gotta just choose.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_04: He's got the Chaco vampire.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_04: No, the the leprechaun can do, he can have anything.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's his power.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_04: Is that his gold grants wish, his his serial grants wishes?
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's hold on, we gotta make it fair.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: We took away the Native American gods from Smoky Bulls.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: Smokey.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so we didn't have to take them away, but I still think I still think capitalism has come up with crazier stories than all of the rest of history.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_04: I think that advertisements, television advertisements specifically, are some of the most insane things on this planet.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that uh I think that the Lucky Charms leprechaun is is capable of things that could not even be conceived by native but by any any people who were born before advertising.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: But only if that see, but I think that uh Lucky, it's lucky, right?
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think that the the leprechaun is bound.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_05: Lucky turns is General Mills.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_05: Lucky Charms is General Mills.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: So he can bring in Lucky.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well he can't bring in Lucky because Lucky isn't part of Kellogg's.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: Lucky is part of General Mills.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: What he can bring in is Toucan Sam and Snack Crapple Snack Crapple.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: Snack Crackle and Pop.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: So Toucan Sam, I don't think offers the the abilities that Snap, Crackle, and Pop can.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um so uh but but actually uh Ed said the raisin brand sun also.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: But then then we also have the raisin brand sun.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like the literal son uh fucking wins.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_04: I think I think when you have the sun on your side.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it it's Tony the Tiger and the Sun.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: The literal sun against Smokey Bear and Teddy Roosevelt.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_05: Well, all right, so we can decide dissect that though, because if the sun is the sun and he decides to radiate, he kills everything and the sun went.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing: the sun in his advertisements, all he's ever been able to do is drop raisins on us.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, millions of tons of raisins come falling onto Teddy Roosevelt's.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that that begs the question a sun dropping raisins and Tony the Tiger versus Smoky Bear and Theodore Roosevelt.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna take it?
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know what?
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck it.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say we're bringing this right to a vote.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um we're bringing a right to a vote.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're bringing a right to a vote.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Ed.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think America wins.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna stop you right there for one second, Ed.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_01: As the other drunk philosopher on this show, and with time quickly ticking until we have to end this episode, um, before I make this final vote, which I feel is the most important vote of hide and dry.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the most important vote we've ever had.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm uh I'm pouring myself another shot of Smearnoff cherry.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: I'll have some more of this cushion.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: Grapefruit and Rose.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: Here's just the important I would hate.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_01: At this point, I don't give a shit.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel anything anymore.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_01: This is the most important question that has ever been asked.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_01: The most important question that has ever been asked ever.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Ed.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna win?
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: What's your vote?
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_05: My mind goes to Smokey and Theodore because even though the sun is dropping raisins the size of boulders, he has two scoops.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_05: He's not gonna be able to drop it and attach to a method.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_05: So what's gonna happen is the Rome riders are gonna zoom in and out with the horses because they're bad as fuck.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_05: And they're gonna just the sun don't matter.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_05: The sun don't matter.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_05: You have not only Smokey out fucking Tony the Tiger off the boot, but then you've got Tony Roosevelt playing decoy.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_05: Fuck that shit.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_05: And then afterwards, Theodore Roosevelt incorporates these drop raisins into the New Deal to feed America and bring this country back.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_04: The other Roosevelt is his cousin.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking genius.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's one for Smokey.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_01: James, what do you feel?
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: Uh so here's my thoughts.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_04: I think that uh I think that Smokey would grow to massive size and hurl Teddy Roosevelt like an like a like a spear at uh Tony the Tiger.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_04: And and uh I don't I think he would miss.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_04: I think Teddy would give it his best as a human spear.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think he'd fail.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_04: And then uh and then the Raisin Brand son would just come down and hug Smokey Bear and incinerate him on his 3 million Kelvin surface or however suns how that suns are.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting, interesting.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_01: Which means that we got one for Smokey, we got one for Tony.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna break it.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm gonna say that the sun will be so enthralled by pure America rioting at him.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, the sun would give the sun would light the park on fire and give uh he would give Smokey powers.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's all I hear.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_05: I was just gonna say it.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that yeah, well, so then my vote goes to Smokey rolling back time to prevent this forest fire.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_04: Because he can do anything to prevent a forest fire, and in this case, he would have to kill Tony the tiger to prevent the forest fire.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_04: And and and the sun, he can do anything to prevent a forest fire.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and the sun would drop his raisins, but that would just fortify our breakfast and and lead to a lead to a nice fire-free hike in the woods.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because we're fortified on raisins.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so my vote in that case would go to Smokey.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_04: Which my opinion has changed.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_04: Which means that your opinion has changed.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_04: My opinion's already changed.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: So there it is.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_01: The final score goes to Smokey Bear.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um way to go, Smokey.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_01: Way to go, Smokey.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: Smokey takes it.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um we have our three-round fight goes to Smokey.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm five shots of Smyrnoff in.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: I can't tell you who won each round, but I can.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_04: And so Tony won the first round because he's a tiger.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_04: And Smokey won the second round because he's a god, and then and then he won the last one because he's also a god.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: And because Teddy Roosevelt in Western mythology is also a god.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_04: Teddy Roosevelt didn't even play much of your character in honor of Smokey.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, at that point, it just became a rock, paper, scissors match between Forest Fires and Smokey.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: And Smokey always wins.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, all right.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm happy with it.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_01: Smokey the Bear wins.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, and so you can catch us at High and Dry Pod.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_04: We've got a new uh Twitter account.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's High in Dry.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: Not to be confused with the album or the prod the prod cast.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: The podcast that came before us.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, you can catch us uh high and dry um pod on Twitter.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can catch me, Ryan.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, my name is Ryan, but you can catch me at Baron underscore short.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_04: Pretty much everywhere else.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um I would love to spend more time thanking you, Ed, but I know we need to wrap it up.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_05: This podcast has been brought to you by the powers of alcohol.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_05: And we and we the show works pretty well.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um but Ed, thank you for joining us again.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're always a fantastic guest.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um catch him at PB Dirtware.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you'll find him over there.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: He's making some great stuff.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh while Dirtware PB.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: Dirtware PB.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: Dirtware PB.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: We're very drunk and we're a very serious podcast.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then of course, you know, find us uh high and dry podcasts.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can find us everywhere podcasts are at this point.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_01: We just made it on over to um Pandora.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we've been on Spotify.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're on Spotify.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: Catch myself, Rhine Bear and North, RhineBear and North.com, all those places.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_01: You we're too fucking drunk.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_04: Have a great day.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for listening.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks, everybody.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: Take it easy.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_05: I love you guys.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna go play with power tools.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_05: Boom.