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Transcript

What If Forgiveness Is The Missing Key · Pastor Plek's Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: And welcome back to Pastorplex Podcast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm your host, Pastor Plex, and this is my guest, Linda.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Linda, give me your last name one more time.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_03: DMartino Pollard.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: DMartino Pollard.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: Linda, you just got in here.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: We just met.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: This is this is what makes this exciting.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, this conversation's gonna get wings here in a second.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: You just arrived from New Jersey.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I did yesterday.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so um tell me why you're here.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So my son lived in Illinois and decided to take a job transfer here.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And he came and I wanted to come here to kind of like set him up and make sure he was good and had everything he needed.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I was gonna come out earlier, but I didn't um because of certain things.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so now I'm here.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: So let's talk about your life as a mom, single mom for a season.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: For a long time.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, for a long time.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: And then let's talk about your life before you were a mom.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go to where did the Lord pluck you from?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's a deep question.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So um I grew up not believing in God.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were Catholic.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I had a Did you go to church at least?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or um we were always we went to Catholic church on Sundays, but never followed anything.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um, my childhood was kind of rough.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't like God at all.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think he was real.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And in my like, I'd say late 20s, early 30s, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And um, my girlfriend, who was my best friend at the time, was like, just come to church.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You really need God.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, there is no God because of my childhood, and now I have cancer that I have to overcome.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't believe there was a God.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um so time passed, and um, she kept asking and asking, and I guess she kept praying.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, her and her mom and her family kept praying.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and she was my best friend since kindergarten.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, all right, Valerie, leave me alone.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna come to church.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I did go and I got saved.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um what kind of church was it?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was Christian, non-denominational.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: And is this in New Jersey?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's in New Jersey, it's in Bloomfield, New Jersey, actually.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but when I got saved, it was in Belleville because they were renting space and then we built a church.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, fine.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I got saved there, and from there I just walked with Christ.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: All right, talk to me about like you said, like growing up years, like there is no God.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: What would have made you this was so bad, or this was so non-bad?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like, whatever.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: What was the thing that was just said there's no God?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I was molested as a child.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: And um like by a family friend member um family member.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I just felt like, you know, if God was real, then why wasn't he there when this was happening?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and a lot of people don't talk about it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um at church, I run a lot of women's groups and I run a lot of transform groups where we can talk about it because I think it's important that people know that they're not the only ones going through that and that they're able to get over it and know that they can regain their strength through Christ.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: So it's interesting that you just said that is that recently I've just people have been pastoring.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: Two, two or three men have come in, you know, they hey, here's my marriage, here's the struggles, it's really hard.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I go, Hey, I know this is a weird question, but were you ever molested?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: And like, yep, how'd you know?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it just seems to be a common well, because you're off, like um, intimacy is different.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: When you're molested as a child.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um what makes it different?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me, like, get take me there.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're in a state of like numbness when it's happening, and you just as a child.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's an act, it's not like it's not passion, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: You're just like, this is happening to me.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like why is this happening?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's confusing.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um, it took a while um for me to even like figure out what love was.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: Did you ever tell anyone that was happening to you?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we were told not to talk about it.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I did tell my mom.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, God rest her soul, but um, she wasn't the she just said things like that we don't talk about.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: There was things that you just didn't talk about, things that happened in the house stayed in the house.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we never really talked about it.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like that was like what she like that was her counsel, we just don't talk about it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we just never did, and it kind of so I left home very young.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was 16.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I got my own place, and how did you get your own place at 16?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I worked at a supermarket, a shop, right?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you know what that is.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know a shop, right?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, listen, I've been up north.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: All right, listen, it is like a third world country up there because you guys don't have Walmart, but yes, we do.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I'm just saying, not a lot of them.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: We have tons of them.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, not conveniently every five miles.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just throw it.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't been up north in a while.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't been in a while.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: You're right.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: It has been like a good solid 10, 15 years.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: Back then, in the olden days, Walmarts were anyway.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Go back to So yeah.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, we didn't just talk about it.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, as I got older, I realized that I needed to break away, um, kind of figure out who I am as a person.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I did that.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: At 16, I got a small apartment.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: You're at you're at shop, right?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: You get the small apartment.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, how far away were you from your parents?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, same town, but I rented an attic apartment at the time.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: And were they like, oh, cool, move out?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: They I just left.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I left with the clothes on my back.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So my parents weren't together.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I come from a single family home as well.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: My dad wasn't around when we grew up.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Was he a abusive, happy, fun?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: My father was an amazing father.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he just wasn't around.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: He was um, he owned a he was just doing his own thing.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and just he wasn't around.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I was raised by mom.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so you leave at 16, your mom's like, What?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: You can't leave.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Well, don't you think you can leave?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: And you're like, I'm out.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, well, I just I didn't say anything.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just left.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then she like okay, it's like, hey, see I was a senior year in high school.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I remember it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, you're 16 as a senior?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, hold on.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was just my birthday's in August.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So um I would have been 17.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: You graduate at 17.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: So it was like So wow, you were like a year kind of a ahead, sort of.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was okay.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, back I look back at it now and I think like if I didn't go through those things, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it made me very strong.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um and uh So when it comes to like the molestation stuff, did you ever get when did you get to a place you could talk about that?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're talking about like fairly openly now.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, really not.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I really never talked about it until maybe like five years ago.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what prompted that?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I joined a church in my town, um, Doran Cool of It.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And they are very, it was a mega church, and you know, they had a lot of transform groups, women transform, like all these different groups.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sitting in the group one day, um, I decided to share it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the weirdest thing is we went into circle, and then we all like say, Do you what do you want to talk about?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: What's on your heart today?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, I want to talk about something that's been on my heart for a long time.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we talked about it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then the craziest thing is there was tears in the whole room.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then every person in the room, like the majority of them, all went through the same thing.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: But if you see them at church every Sunday, they look like normal, everyday people that live normal lives, don't have anything wrong with them.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I did talk about it with my ex-husband.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he knew everything about my life before we got married.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I shared it with him because he was my best friend.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um I felt like I could tell him and he listened and you know, he understood.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then he didn't become my best friend because he's my ex-husman.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, daggers.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: So let's talk about like the year.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like, so you just shared that five years ago.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me about like when you deal with a person being molested who's never processed it, it feels like I actually just talked to somebody.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: They they uh recently just lost um a child, like passed away, and it was really sad.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: And the amount of emotion uh that she was going through, she said, it feels like it's been 40 years with how long it's been since the death, because of all the emotions that I as I've I've been talking about, talking about, talking about talking.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so the process of up, down, up, down has really helped.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: But if you don't talk about it, it's as if it just happened like a second ago.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_03: And so talk about give me the the I don't know, 20 40 years, I guess 50 years of so how many years of silence was it?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: It was a while.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my best friend knew the one that I got saved with.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, she knew.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I told her everything my whole life.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she can we could write a book, actually.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I should.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: You should, but um um, she prompted me to to accept God and like I kind of knew I needed something because you you grow up when this you know there's something missing, right?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't really pinpoint it.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, ah, there's no God, there's blah blah.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like you go through life thinking that and you kind of just live, right?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: You don't live for a purpose.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And right, so when I started living for a purpose, um it was different for me.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I got very involved in church.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was in church seven days a week.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I did um read a seven-day a week or two.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I did grief care, I did singles group, I did Bible studies, I did uh women's transform, I did female fitness, I did I did everything, and then I went to Bible college as well.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, graduated both tracks.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So um, it was interesting because things that I thought I knew, I didn't really know.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it was kind of fun, and then seven days a week was a lot, and I at that time I was a single mom.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I really needed God at that point in my life because I felt like another letdown.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: How long were you married for before you it ended?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we were together a while, and then we got married in like 13 years marrying.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and so um you end up getting divorced.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So he was my second marriage.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I got I have an older daughter from my first marriage, and um, you know, we were both, we both have a child from a previous marriage.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: And um tell me about like so one of the hardest things about being married is a blended marriage.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Is like there's always uh well, it's very difficult.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: My husband is African American, yeah, and I'm white, obviously.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that was difficult in itself.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my family didn't accept it.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, really?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I gave up my family.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I kind of gave them up anyway when I left, but I kind of gave up my family to follow my heart, and um didn't work.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: So was was marriage number one African-American as well?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, he was white.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so the second marriage, uh, how long were you married first time?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like a year and a half.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, like it's hard because commitment and and even sexuality, like you say, you talk to these men that they had issues, it's so hard to connect.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you it's very hard to like connect with somebody and like have that I don't know how to describe it, but like that connection where you know, like, all right, this is right.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: It takes a while.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, now is it a trust thing?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like the trust, the fear, the unknown.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, is he gonna hurt me?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: What what is he in this for?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um so you're asking all these questions.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it to myself, sure.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: But like, uh I think that there's like I'm just now getting the the head of you just for a second to help a lot of people who are married to people who have been experienced trauma like that.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: Is you're asking all these questions that a person that hasn't experienced that they're just blank.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then you're like, you probably think I'm whatever, and you think I'm whatever.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: Is that kind of what goes into your head?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, well, at that point, when I got remarried, I I was definitely grounded in Christ.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I knew what I wanted.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I I didn't think I could have children because I was told after my first child that I probably wouldn't have children again.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but God is so real and God is so such a blessing that I had three more children with.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: So a total of four.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have a total of four.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, it was it was tough.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, going through the pregnancies in my head, I kind of thought, oh no, I'm gonna go through this again and and he's gonna leave.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Why?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because um Why would he leave?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because one, he has a very stress, he had a very stressful job.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he's in sales, I'm in sales.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've done real estate for over 30 years.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so we both have really stressful jobs, and um, you come home and you kind of don't want to talk.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: You just you've you've been talking all day, and you just kind of like sit back and just don't want to talk about things.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when you don't talk about things and you don't communicate, communication is the key to any relationship.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And without it, it's very hard to like keep it alive.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think dating your spouse is so important.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like now, the things I know are very different than what I knew then.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was younger.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, I have Christian, and which you know, who I love and adore.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing kid.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: He's 20, so think about it.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I've raised him since he was seven by myself.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh Destiny, who's right after him, is 18, and then Faith, who's 15.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was hard, you know.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't want to be a single mom.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even want to be a mom.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I was just like, oh, it's so hard.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: But I tell me what's look this as a man, I you know, I'm just I have four boys, but tell me what for you is so hard as being a mom.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're like, this is what's hard.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's easier when you're in a relationship where the two of you are parenting, um, and you have you're on the same page of parenting.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's even more important.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not that you're parenting, but you're present, right?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: When he had left, he left another state.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: So he definitely wasn't present in raising the children.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I can't answer for what he felt, you know.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I could only speak for myself.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe I wasn't um, you know, maybe I wasn't giving him the attention he needed.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was the that's what I was told.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, but I was raising kids, I was working full time.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot, it was a lot on me.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: When you're being touched all the time, it's like, okay, no more touching.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I like touch now.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: So touch to me is so important.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think physical touch and like not intimacy because I choose to walk with Christ, but like that physical touch is so important.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like holding hands, talking, looking at each other when you're communicating is so important.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Dating, just being um, like I date now, I love it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's hard.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna lie, it's very difficult.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: What um so when being a single mom uh and trying to protect your kids from anything like what happened to you happening to them, how did you did you talk about it?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: How did you how did you prepare them?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: How what was like your it's the craziest thing, but it happened to them as well from a family member.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so the cycle this is wild.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, how it's okay.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: So it's it's not like anyone's sitting there like trying to make this happen, but it happens.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: What was the like I'm trying to think of helping people?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: What situation do they avoid?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me the story.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I was very protective of them.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: I never let them sleep at their friend's house, I never let them go out.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they weren't allowed to ride their bikes.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I grew up, I just would go outside until the street lights came on, and then I would go back home.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: My kids never did that, they were all into their schoolwork.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: My kids were all straight A students, um, just really, really like home.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: They were always home.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you just don't know.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that happens in your own home.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was a family member and I didn't know, and my kids didn't tell me till later.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um my God.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: So the cycle of abuse didn't end, but it will end with my children because I've I just feel like, you know, um, and when they and my kids didn't know, so how did it like usually someone's like think like a predator I don't know, is a predator the right word, or just like oops?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not an oops.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think people know what they're doing.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so like like when you when I when he was like an adult person, yeah, it was an adult.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: And how could you know that would even happen?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: You don't unless they talk about it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I think it's important that we talk about it.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important that it's like a thing you talk about it.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like people of like I think like church should talk about it because um people need to know that they shouldn't feel dirty or disgusting.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not their fault, it's nothing that they've caused.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't cause it to happen, it happened.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: They were they were victims.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, you know, anyone who sins against a child, um, or anyone caused one of these little ones to sin, it'd be better if a millstone was tied around their neck and they were thrown.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that verse is like that's God's heart towards the children who have been abused.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: And like there's a real sense of justice that God wants to see play out.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that God is a just God as well.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like He forgiveness is important, and like people in like just think about incarcerated prisoners.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: They go to jail, they've done something wrong, they accept Jesus, they're forgiven.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, like people that have murdered and if they accept Christ, they're saved, right?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: So they go to heaven.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, it was very difficult for me to understand that.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't have forgiveness for a very long time.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, let's let's talk about because I think what's really cool about obviously what Jesus did is how how great God, like his anger and wrath towards someone hurting a child like that, but he goes to the cross and receives his own wrath, which is like our sins and we took to the cross.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, no matter if you are the predator or the victim, like he wants to heal and he wants to redeem.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so talk me through forgiveness.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I I feel like I feel like this is one that there's it's probably multi-layered of uh betrayal from the family member, of just grief of loss of a marriage, betrayal of a best friend, you know, all of that stuff.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like, let's walk through that.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: How do you how do you get to a place where you're like, oh, it's cool?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do you do that?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't, it wasn't cool.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you gotta think my kids were five, seven, nine, and eleven.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: They were very young.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even want to get out of bed.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was like weeks I didn't get it.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: So like depression just oh, set in.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I ate to cope with my depression.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: I put on like maybe 150 pounds.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was hard.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie to you.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I really never talked about it.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we have You don't look like 150 pounds.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll tell you the story.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, wow.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was 325 pounds at my highest weight.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um I worked out, but I was still fat and I ate all the time.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I ate at night because I think that was the hardest.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I don't know, forgiveness.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I had to do it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we have a group at church um that talks about like they're um it's called uh transform.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like for um recovery for either drugs, alcohol abuse, or whatever, eating disorders.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it's called Celebrate Recovery.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's the name of the group.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I joined this group, but I wasn't an addict.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've never was a drug addict.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't drink, but I had a I had a problem.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was very codependent.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that I was very codependent, and that um I knew that I was suffering from like I couldn't, I needed to lose weight.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just needed to.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was so sick.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I had every element wrong with me from diabetes, high blood pressure, neuropathy, everything.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So um I said I have to take my life back.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was saved at the time, and I knew like it was just the right thing to do.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: But until I forgave and until I had the forgiveness, I couldn't do anything.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was trapped.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: The devil like had me so trapped.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um like okay, so you're trapped, you know you sh you need like you know you need to lose weight, but how did you equate is it's what the like the accelerator covered did?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was it was an amazing group.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: They they told you, like, hey, until you can't lose weight.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, well, there was other ailments, so I was there for like codependency, um, food addiction.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and just like lustful thoughts, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I did have those lustful thoughts in my head.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I went there to just kind of like get through all that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's kind of like an AA meeting.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: You go there, you get your chip when you first arrive.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then a month later, if you're clean, you get your your one month chip, two-month chip.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I made it over a year and a half, and uh I lost 125 pounds.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um recently I'm actually down almost to 200 pounds.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: So um, and I look great and I feel great.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I do, I feel really great now.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't feel great then, but yeah, um, and I didn't date the whole time um when I was going through that because it was like a really rough road, and I kind of needed to work on me.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, I have to surrender my life to God again.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of like a resurrender, and then forgiveness came because I felt like I was drinking the poison and hoping the other person would die.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly right.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I said, I have to forgive.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it was hard.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was the hardest thing I think when you and this is the part of the thing I want people to kind of lean into is because I I I feel like people are like, Okay, I get sure, I know I need to forgive, but I still think about.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Running them over with my car.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: I still you know what I mean?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I wish a truck would hit them.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: How do you go from that?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and I know I'm sure it was a-oh my god, if a truck hits them, my kids will be fatherless.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: There you go.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's powerful.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how do you how did you arrive there?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what would uh there?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure it was it was a matter of time, it was a matter of the Holy Spirit, but like what steps were you doing in alignment with the Holy Spirit to get you to a place where the the poison wasn't affected?
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I created a prayer room in my home, a prayer closet.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I started writing down scriptures, like um through Bible college, we had to memorize scriptures from the Bible and we had to put them all over like where we would be most of the time, like the mirror where you brush your teeth, or like in the kitchen when you're cooking and stuff like that.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: So my kids were like, Mom, why are all these post-its around the house?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I kept reading these scriptures, reading these scriptures.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I got into my prayer closet, I just was in my prayer closet praying and I just cried and I cried for like hours.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I have to forgive.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really do.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: I have so much forgiveness.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it just wasn't just for my marriage, it was for my family.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was for like all the things that have happened from the time then um till 2016.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and how do I how do I fix it?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and how do I make it right?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then the Holy Spirit just touched me and was like, you have to forgive, you can't grow.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can't use you.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard it very clearly, like Linda, I can't use you until you surrender this.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was hard.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, okay.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: And at that point I did.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I chose celibacy for at that point.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was hard.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was the hardest thing I think I ever did.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then you know, it was my walk.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna lie, like being a Christian is not easy.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you fall all the time.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know you're sinning.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I just think it's important.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I right now don't even think about marriage.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know that sounds crazy.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, especially as a codependent person, like that's correct.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not no longer.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I've learned to feel I've I I learned to, well, I I recently got this love yourself first.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, nice.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I didn't do that.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: I never loved myself first.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: I always loved everyone else before I loved me.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I always was a mom and I always had to be present, and I never could like live for me.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but now I do.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I do the things I want to do now.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: And um you're not dependent upon what someone else's view of you is.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: You're dependent on what the Lord's view of you is.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And even financially, I was never really depending on anybody because I always had my own.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was great to like have a partner, like have somebody that you can grow with, have somebody that you can go through life with, right?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, at this point in my life, I mean, I'm I'm older, I'm in my 50s, and like marriage to me is just like if it happens, it happens.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: If it doesn't, I'm okay with it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds crazy.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like people say to me, but you're a Christian, you you should be married, you shouldn't just be dating.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I think marriage is for the young, like people that are gonna start a family, and you know, I don't know.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have a different mindset and I know that's not what God wants.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: So, what does God want?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: You should be married.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_03: So God's telling you to be married.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Now that so now you're how do you okay?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: Let me just go here.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how what's dating looking like for you?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: Or what what is what is singleness not pursuing marriage yet?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: I know I should like that.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's a weird thing.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I I mean it should I I'm supposed to be married, but I'm not married.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to be married, but um is are you trick trying to trick yourself in the head?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Four years ago, I I dated, like just dated.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I went out on dates, I went to dinner.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that it was like nothing more than that.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um about a year ago, I met someone.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, um, and truly care about him.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's a great guy.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um he, you know, we talk about like we talk about like togetherness, but there's so much.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's been married and divorced and been through hurt, so that hurt gets carried into our relationship.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: He has children, I have children, so now we're blending again.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a lot.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: When you think about all that, it's a lot.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: But do we love each other?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: I truly believe we do.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we talk all the time, we're we're like best friends.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: How do you not have like sex when you have that much emotional continuity?
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's a really tough question.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do I need to answer that?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, like the real podcast.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, not the fact that I'm not sure.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've been intimate with him.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've been with him a year.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, there's intimacy, but um it's an understanding, you know.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like he understands me, I understand him.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my walk is a little different with Christ than his.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we have a lot of differences, but he is a Christian, and um, that was the first thing that I looked for was somebody who walked with God and someone who can like get up every day and say, Hey, let's pray.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want a guy that's gonna wake up next to me and say, Let's pray before we start our day.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let God be the guide of our day.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's tough.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: At this stage of your life, it's really hard to find someone like that.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, people say they're Christian, but are they really Christian?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that that's tough.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, I I don't get married now and I think about it because, you know, my children are very um acclimated.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter's a freshman in college.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, she attends a very great school.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to which school is that?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Princeton.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh whoa, Princeton, somebody, come on.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my my youngest goes to a boarding school.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so like just getting married would add like so much confusion.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's tough for my girls.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_03: I guess my only thought is why go the intimate route?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_03: Are you saying, like, well, we try not to, but it happens, or you're like, ah, give in and we just do it, and it's just we feel bad about it and we kind of move on, or like, where are you guys at with that?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Stuff.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, where are we at with that?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_03: Does he know where he's at with that?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't you ask him?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we might have a DTR.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's all right.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, I think because I think what happens, and maybe there's a part that you can just acknowledge is what happens, it gets confusing for you of like what permanency is this relationship.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Correct, because correct.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: And and and so you love Jesus, you want to follow Jesus.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: And is this the one I'm supposed to follow?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_03: And is this the one?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: And so to have someone like to follow Christ now in the in a convoluted weirdness with the blending and intimacy and the different what worlds merging and not merging, it could create more place for hurt than health.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's correct.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right, just throwing it out there.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know, what do I know?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_03: What do I know?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I just don't want to get married to be married because that's what God says we should do.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be married because now I understand you said it before that you thought God wanted you get married.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's biblical, right?
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I'm just saying.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm with two.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm with two.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: Two should be one, right?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: It is biblical.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: So biblically speaking, and God's if we follow God's word, God's word says.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the thing that's preventing you, there's just is nothing is preventing me.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just think like right now, my children are at a point where um me being single is beneficial for them.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um and not adding another man, like they're girls.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if they were all boys, I might have a different perspective.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like Christian, like, so Christian was raised by his dad since he was like 13.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I knew in my heart that um I love my son more than life.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't even know the love I have for this kid.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew that I couldn't teach him to be a man, right?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I said, you know, Christian's like, mom, I don't want to be around all these girls.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like he had three sisters.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I get it.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, situations at home wasn't that great either, um, with everything that had happened to the girls.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so he had went to go live with dad and um broke my heart because I didn't get to see him.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: He lived 13 hours away, 14 hours away.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: I FaceTimed him every day, but that wasn't like it was so hard for me as a mom.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that broke me too, where I had more unforgiveness.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I knew it was the right thing for him, and I made sure he got into a private school there.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: I paid for it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh I I paid the tuition every month, I paid for his food, everything.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I knew it was the right thing to do um because it was for him, and I knew he needed to be grounded as a man.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: Was it a Christian school?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he went to a Catholic school, um, Sacred Heart Griffin.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he played football.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he was great, you know.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, his dad was supportive, but you know, dad worked a lot.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Even when I was married, he was rarely home.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that's important too in a marriage.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: You need somebody who's present.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like a marriage doesn't work if you're not present.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: You need to show love, you need to like give attention to get attention.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another big thing.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I would tell people that are younger, um, choose your children's father very carefully.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, that's a really cool way to say that.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not pick somebody that you love because love comes, God's love is, you know, first Corinthians love, patient, kind, patient, kind, you know, not rude.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's the love you need to look for.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I always say pick your children's father very carefully because that's the root of your family.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: The the man runs the home.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that if the man's not in the home, the home's gonna fall apart.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's what happened in my house.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I don't blame Tell me about like I I want to kind of just lean into that because the way you said I thought was just like a man runs the home, and if he's not in the house, it falls apart.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: Talk to me more about that.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a mother's role, uh, I mean, if you go back to olden days, like a mother stayed home, a father provided.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, in today's society, two two salaries are really important.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that, you know, I understand that.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think like, I think a woman should submit to her husband.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's so important.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, a man should run the household, like what he says goes.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: Whether we believe it, we want it to be that way, like always stand behind him and say, Hey, uh, um, even though I don't agree with you, right, right, I'm gonna support you.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: That's huge.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is huge.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of women are so independent today that they don't do that.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: And what do you think?
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: Is it now there's I don't want I don't want to go too far down this rabbit show, but in my head, is like, were men so abusive or just so worthless that women were like, screw it, I'm out, or was the just the simple nature of humanity of women were like, I'm not gonna be under the the, you know, your thumb any longer.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's both.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's both.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think that women got a taste of like working and and living in the man's world, and financially they were making money where they were like, Oh, I don't need a guy, and that's bad.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's a really bad road to be on.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: And money is not everything.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you could have money and still be miserable, yeah.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could be broke and be happy.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I think you have to under you have to have a balance.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: The love of money is the root of all evil.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, making money is great, but loving money more than you love God is is crazy.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: So that's really insightful.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it took me a while to realize that because everything in in our relationship was money, money, money, money, money, money.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: That was the biggest fight.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was always money.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, but we have money.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like what are we fighting for?
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was just stupid stuff.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what would you find?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like when it comes down to when you're fighting about money, it's the hey, why'd you spend that?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: Or oh no, oh no, I'm frugal.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't spend money.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, that is I'm a thrifter.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: I love thrifting.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I love simple things, but um yeah, I don't I don't think money, I think money is important, it's essential, but I think like um society has become very liberal.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the word I'm looking for?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's a very good word.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's liberal, they become very liberal, and the conservative side of life has changed this world, right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, I live in a blue state, you know.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: What is that like living in a blue state?
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Tough because I'm not blue.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about that.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about like what that's like.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my kids didn't talk to me for a while because I was not a blue, not a blue believer.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my son, but like was on my side, but the rest of my kids, they're like, no, they're liberals, they're very open, they're very open to life, and like kumbaya, and lesbians and those.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's all it's all okay.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: So like it's not okay, but I mean, society, I mean, even in school, like they it's taught, it's just taught behavior, just like prejudice.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me about because we're in a red state where I mean we're in Austin, so we're like in a blue area of a red state, but uh talk to me about like what that means when as far as uh how people view God in New Jersey.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: Because I when I think of the north, I think of spiritual wasteland.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if that's true or not.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean there people are on fire for Christ.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like my church, when I first started going there, there was 500 members.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you look at the church today, there's over 5,000.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's wow.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: So like there's a move.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a move for God.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: People know that you know, times are coming, the end times are here.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, come on.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: So um there's a move for God, but yeah, but there's so much confusion because what you're taught and how you should live are both different.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we we we live in a sinful nature, we are sinful people, um, but we still want the blessings of Christ, and that's that's a such a double standard, right?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so yeah, wow.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so talk to me about like um because you have I think you almost had a governor that there was a it was really close.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_03: It was really close, it was a close one, and then uh what's the name of your governor now?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's a woman.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_03: Woman, that's right.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_03: What's her name?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_03: Don't even care.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah, right.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_03: So she won, and that was just like daggers.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, Trump's in office.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Trump's in office.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so I don't know how much longer, uh, with the midterms and everything, but like, so how do you wrestle with a split home politically?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_03: I I think that is something that can be.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: My kids don't walk with Christ other than Christians, okay.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think it's tough for them because they've been hurt, right?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: So they've walked through hurt dad leaving, things happening, how could God be real?
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: I understand it.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've been I've walked that walk.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've walked that walk.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's really crazy because I I opened up to my kids and told them my story.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: I really never shared it with my kids before.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so my kids know my story, and they were like, What?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you saying?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I was very explicit and I was like, Yeah, this that's my story.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and they were like, really?
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, but it wasn't about me at that time, it was about them because I have already overcome my hurts and my letdowns and not having that family believing or backing me up.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think the most important thing is being able to go to a family member and and get the help that you need.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I wasn't even there for I didn't even believe it happened to the girls because I was in just denial.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want it to hear that it happened again.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know what I'm saying?
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I was I was in the wrong.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie, I was very hurt about it.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um was there a little bit of did you find yourself thinking I'm doing the same thing my mom did?
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like a lot of who I was was my mother.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, how did you like break away from that?
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, like that's not who I am.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a follower of Christ.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was hard.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, my parents were both um very racist.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and of course, I married a black man.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the rebel.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so like just thinking of all those things, and I kept saying, Oh my God, I'm acting just like my parents.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how crazy is that?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I should be better than that.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm a better woman than that, right?
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: I I shouldn't even think like that.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I need to change my thought pattern, I need to change a lot.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it took a lot of like soul searching and a lot of like spiritual growth and a lot of reading and a lot of like being in the presence of the Lord.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just I did everything possible.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I went to church seven days a week because I knew that I couldn't do it without Him.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: I I love that because I feel like when you get to that place of desperation, yes, and then the Lord grows you and then and then blesses you.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: And what usually at least I don't know if this happens for you, but sometimes happens for me, is I'll get to that place like of desperation of God, and then I'll get to a place where I'm not desperate anymore, and then I'm not at church seven days a week, or I'm not that's bad, and then you you you gotta kind of keep the fervor even when things are not so I'm not in church now seven days a week.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and you're correct because when you sin, you just feel so guilty, you just don't want to be in church, right?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: So let's get you back in church, right?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's well, my life is different now, so I have um I have so much going on right now.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, to be in all those groups was just it's too hard right now to do sure, but some groups, right?
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um actually like um I've stepped down from most of the groups, I'm only in one.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's called Wow Women of Wisdom.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: How fun.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like a 45 and older group, and a bunch of older women get together and we kind of do cool stuff.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, they're like we walk together, we're like sisters in Christ, you know, and it's like the coolest thing ever.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: We travel together.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like when you say travel, I I think I've seen like ladies do a big group like this, but do you like travel, travel?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're gonna we're gonna go to New York City.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we travel.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we we go on retreats and it's like 40 of us in a in a Airbnb.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: Do you guys all wear purple hats?
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're kind of cool.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think we're cool.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, have fun.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we do a craft, we'll like we'll read the Bible, do a scripture.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing says cool like crafts.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying crafts are in.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like we just do different things and then we'll meet every week and we'll we'll have like a book that we're studying.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um how many of them know your story?
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like you've just shared now.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: So the people that were in celebrate recovery know my story.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and what happens in the group stays in the group.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of like what happens in this room stays in the room.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this isn't, but that's not good.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, well so good for you.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_03: Now you can just have like, hey, I want to get to know you really well.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_03: Just listen to my podcast and then we'll talk.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, well, I don't really want to meet anyone.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like I'm in a relationship now, and I kind of hope that that's what God wants me in, and yeah, and that that grows because that is so important to me.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um spiritually, I know that um I need, I need to be in a relationship.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like just being free is just it's crazy for me personally.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I don't know.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what God has in store, but I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_03: Man, I love that about God.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: He's always present, even in our time of need, like always.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: So even when you're saying, like, oh my God, how can I go through this?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you, God?
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I'm right next to you.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: You've made the choice to walk away.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't make the choice to leave you.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_03: That, wow.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_03: Man, this will preach for weeks right here.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you've you've you've dropped a lot of truth bombs that are they're they're sitting there.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and there are truths, and people don't want to admit them.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like you'll sit in church, you'll cry about it.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you're oh, but you gotta like sit back and look at yourself and say, All right, what you're only responsible for yourself.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: I could only change Linda.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can't change you.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't change anyone that's around me.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: I could only change me.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's what you need to work on.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: If everybody just worked on themselves and became a better version of themselves, I think the world would be a better place.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: Way better.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: All right, here let me give you, you know, when you were talking about what's God's will, like you want to discern it.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: So there's God's word, you kind of go to God's word, there's God's spirit, Holy Spirit, speak to me, right?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: And God's people.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_03: When you have God's word, God's spirit, God's people, and all three of those align to the same thing, you know you're right in the center of God's will.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I the challenge is which people are you gonna allow to speak into your life so that when you're saying, like, I don't know what I should do, or like I'm confused.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is another story in itself.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been church hurt.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, give it to me.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been church hurt before.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, actually, I'm in the process of leaving the church.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in because of church hurt.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_03: All right, what happened?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, wow, I don't know if I should talk about it.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_03: Here we go.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_03: We're we're we're here.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I trusted people, I you know, I'm in real estate, so I did some investments with people in the church, head leads of the church.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: And um, when you say you do investments, what uh what does that mean?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_03: Invest money into projects like a property, like hey, we're gonna go into the hey, let's all go in on this particular property.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: 30, 40, 50, 60,000.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, get 18, 20% on your money in like six months to a year.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're never gonna get that anywhere.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's amazing.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you do it, and you've done a couple, so you know they work, and then you you do it, and then it it blows up in your face, and you lose all your money.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_03: So oh god.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_03: So you got into uh a deal.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_03: A deal.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like, hey, we're gonna get was it a property?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_03: Say we're gonna get this property, we're gonna flip it.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the property had nothing to do with me.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was just a silent investor.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then it was supposed to be a return on the money, and what happened was the person passed away.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Of cancer, and we never got our money back.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um he did give some of it back, so I'm not gonna say he didn't, um, but he had passed away, and then that was just another hurt, and then I felt like you know, um leads of the church recognize him as a hero when in fact, you know, you should be accountable for your for the things that you do, right?
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be accountable because God's gonna say to you when you get there, so so and so, you know, well done and good and faithful servant, or you did XYZ, why did you do that?
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I think people don't realize that the accountability that you're gonna have to answer to God one day is real.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like people go, I'm never gonna have to do that.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, everyone's every careless word you do.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: God's gonna say, So, why did you do this and why did you do that?
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you thought you were gonna get away with that.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, at some point, you know, here's the here's the reality.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if this guy's a believer, then there is a confrontation of that sin, and then he'll feel the shame and then he'll wipe with a tear and say, Hey, I paid for that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_03: So he'll feel the the deep hurt, a wound, but Jesus actually pays for it if he's saved.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: He is saved.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so then so there's a lot of like um, you know, there's a lot of things, um, and people don't realize it.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like church, you so I had to for I had to walk away from people that I really loved.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to say, like, okay, sometimes you have to cut friends out of your life, but why because they're not aligns, like you can't walk with God if they're not walking with you.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but when you brought this up, that they're just like, hey, it is what it is, and it's hard.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: I it's hard.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_03: I mean like it's 5,000-person church, it's hard to kind of get that granularity.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was, you know, it was hard.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: We made a bad decision, and bad decisions we caught back.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: These are choices, these are the choices we make in life, and like sometimes the choices we make aren't great.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_03: So, what about the forgive one another, bear with one another, you know, all that?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have walked in forgiveness, but um, you know, it's hard to forgive them.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to it's hard to tithing is huge for me.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I think tithing is so important for the church.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not people say that oh, church is a business, like that's what people generalize churches, but I don't believe that.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, I think that churches give right and church churches give back to other communities, other countries.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: They do a lot of outreaches, a lot of like mission trips, and I think like the who cares with you're planting a seed for a harvest, right?
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: Who cares where that seed goes?
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why are you why is that so important?
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's how I felt about it.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like I planted these seeds hoping that a good harvest would happen, and it didn't.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I I was like, oh, oh, woe is me.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, um, and so I had this anger and I held the anger for a while.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he just recently passed, and um, I was angry.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why did you go?
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, why did you you promised me you made a promise?
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I was mad, but I was mad at myself more than I was mad at anyone else.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um, how do you again that this is like I think one of the things about forgiveness, it just it's always gonna keep coming up.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: And how are you, yeah, how do you how are you processing that?
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, um we are not perfect.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: So how could we not forgive somebody else who's there you go?
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, good.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_03: That wow, that's I mean, that's power.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like when you sit put it like that, people are like, yeah, well, and then someone's gonna say, Well, you don't know my situation.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't matter, no sin is greater than the other.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah, that's good.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's good.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_03: I think, man, that's powerful, Linda.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_03: I love your heart.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um okay, so God willing, there could be restoration, but if not, if not, if not, if not, uh what are you looking for in a church?
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I think community is so important.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think fellowship is so important.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think you know, iron sharpens iron.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's so important that you're able to be in a community of mind-like people.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think when you start to get in, it's like um gossiping in church is so dangerous.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's the biggest like downfall in churches.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I love my church.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: I I really do.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love the church.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I love the people.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_03: It sounds like you have the church.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's me.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to work on me.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_03: I think because I think what the Lord is saying, if I if if I can speak into your life as a pastor, it's like those are the best relationships that brought you out of the pit.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_03: Why not go and and start to because it's real hurt that you experience.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't Yeah, my hurt is real.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I think you need to tell them that and allow them to make it right as best they can.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it may not be full-on right that you have to absorb something, you have like Jesus, brrr, which is really funny.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when in Romans 12, it says, like, you know, go serve the church.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_03: It has all these different gifts, you know, prophecy, good contribution, blah, blah.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_03: And then it says, abhor what is evil, love what is good, love must be genuine.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then it gets the and here's the way you should love the people you're serving with, and then says, Leave room for the wrath of God.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_03: Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it's what's really weird about that, it's just when he's just talked about like, here's how you discern the will of God, submit to God's people, use God's spirit, and then trust God's word that he's gonna take care of you and will take care of whatever their issues are.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_03: And so, because I would hate for you to lose the friendships that were really No, I have friends.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: I still kept my friendships.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just walk I haven't been at church.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've also been traveling, and so um, but I do like I watch it online because it's it's virtual, and if you want.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think like it's important to be in a community.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I say this because there's a lot of believers out there that don't go to church and they believe church is in their home, but right you need to be around other people because you need what you're experiencing right now of being hurt is what's it mean.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: You remember how I said you were numb?
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like, remember that numbness?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_03: Man, sorry, I don't want to get uh but it's a numbness here.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_03: Let me let me get some Holy Spirit working in here.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_03: Here's the numbers.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_03: What we tend to do when we get hurt, especially if we've been hurt before, is we go numb and we put a wall up, put a wall up, and then I'm gonna walk away so I don't get hurt off the strike.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so here's my word for you, here's my word for you.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh take the wall down, allow yourself to feel that hurt, and then let Jesus receive it on the cross.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: Because what Jesus did for them is he loved them enough to die for them, and I need you to see him, these are people that he died for, and then and then extend the grace he gave you to the very people that wounded you, and then watch how they go, My bad, I hurt you.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_03: But they can't do that if you're not there.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: That was deep.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: That was so deep.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_03: Just throwing that out, you know.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, you're right.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're absolutely 100% right.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think, Linda, you're too special to rob that church of your presence.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_03: And when you go, you take a a whole load of you away, meaning like there's a gravitas when you enter into a room, and you know you carry this.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, it's just like there's a weightiness of like you when everyone, when you walk in the room, everyone's like, there's Linda.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I was the lead of the host team.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, exactly.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I greeted everyone that walked through the door, I hugged everyone.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're not there, Linda.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't been there in a couple of months.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_03: Linda, when you're not there, people they always go, I guarantee you people are like, where's Linda?
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_03: They did.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_03: I only came here because Linda met me.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, well, that's no, no, no.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'll bet you when you go back there, someone's gonna say, like, Where have you been?
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's six services, there's like, there's I don't care if there's a hundred services.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't go to the same service, and I serve at always the week service.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is true.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I do love people, I am a people person.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but um, yeah, I need to work on me.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm a I'm a worker in progress.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, God is still working, He's got work to do.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_03: Lord, there's not much time.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so grateful that you came in today.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't even know what I came for.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like, this was awesome.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like you, like, we went through your whole world in like 45 minutes, or I don't know how long it's been, but like it's been awesome.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I want one one, I obviously want you to move here, but I don't want to rob you of the church that you're at because it's obviously you have to I can't leave until my baby graduates.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, we'll we'll wait till then.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_03: But man, like you're a really special person, and that church needs you, and I think that you need that church.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I need God.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and but God put those and praise and worship has been a big part of my healing.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I think um I sang with church.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um come on.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: So praise and worship's a big part of my healing progress.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would always wake up to praise and worship music.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_03: What's your what's your what's your fave right now?
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_03: What's your song?
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have so many.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, give me one.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean, I have so many, and now I listen to country music.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, what's I never listen to music?
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_03: Give me one song.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_03: You listen to country music now from New Jersey.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's awesome.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the guy I date is into country music, and my son, believe it or not, like country music.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: I when he first played it, I was like, what is happening to you?
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, um, I like Tasha Cobb.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: She's one of my favorite um singers.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_03: Give me a give me a quick little ditty.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not singing.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_03: You are not sweet.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not singing.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_00: Go prepare me.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_03: Like this is where we gotta get into it, you know.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like, get some worship going.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I I get so into worship, it's so cool.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't see it though.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't ro don't rob the internet of your voice.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm not prepared for any of that.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_03: There is no like when we around here, we just sing because the Lord just puts a little Yeah, it's so cool.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, timing is so perfect.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: God's timing is so perfect.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can't even you couldn't make this up.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's so crazy.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, God's timing is so perfect, and I think that people need to like understand that he's real.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's the thing.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think people believe he's real.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: People think, oh, it's just a passing through, it's just a book that that a man wrote and that they want us to follow this book.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, somebody it's not.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's you know, when when you're sick, go to the word.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you need healing, go to the word.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: When you need direction, go to the word.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_00: When you need um guidance, go to the word.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: The answers are right in the book.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and people don't understand that, you know.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: And even though there's 15 versions of the Bible, still the word.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: Still the word.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: I want you, there's somebody out there that you've got a word for.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to pray for that person.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_03: God's gonna put something on your heart.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_03: Ready to go.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, Father God, I just come to you in the name of Jesus, Lord.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you just touch someone that needs the word today, Father.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you just touch them from the head to the bottom of their feet, Father God.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you move in their life.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you just show them who you are, show them your presence.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because your presence is so real, Father.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I ask that you just continue to like bless them, heal them, just let them know that whatever pain they're going through can be healed and they can be restored.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's no one that could steal your joy.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: Peace that surpasses all understanding is what comes from you.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I ask that you give whoever's out there that needs that peace that surpasses all understanding today, that you give it to them, Father, because I've seen you give it to me time and time again.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm honored and blessed to be your daughter, Father, even though my godly father, um, you're my godly father, my biological father's in heaven, but I know that you're here and that I could always come to you for my guidance.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, Father, I just continue to bless the world.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you just open doors for people, shut doors that need to be shut for them, Father God, and continue to move in our country.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bless the people in office, whether Democrat or Republican, Father God.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_00: I ask that you just touch them and let them know that you are present and that your word is the last word that we follow.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name we pray.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_03: Amen.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, thanks so much for watching.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_03: We see you next time on Pastorplex podcast.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_03: Have an awesome week.