Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 259. Want Deeper Passion? 30 Very Intimate Questions To Ask Your Spouse And WHY You Should Ask Them!

Transcript

259. Want Deeper Passion? 30 Very Intimate Questions To Ask Your Spouse And WHY You Should Ask Them! · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: The 30 Intimate Questions to Ask your Spouse for Better Intimacy.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Ooh, I'm going to like this one.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I'm already blushing.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: This will be a fun episode Again.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: A lot of these questions are on the app.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: If you go into the intimate conversations Also the conversation starters You're going to find, like I said, pretty much all of these questions within the app.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: But we wanted to compile a fun 30 intimate questions to ask your spouse for better intimacy.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: These are just really going to get the conversation started and create some great conversations between the two of you.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Should we jump into this one, just jump in.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Let's jump in, just jump in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Why don't you tell us first why this is important?
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: why it's important.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we always talk about how communication is the foundation of everything and how important it is to talk about sexual intimacy as well.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So, if you're talking about intimate things, naturally, I mean, let's face it, it's hard to talk about some of these things.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It's even hard sometimes for us to talk about some of these things.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: It's even hard sometimes for us to talk about some of these things, right, right, but we do it because it's important and the more you do it, the more you're going to find out, the better your relationship's going to be and the easier it's going to become to talk about things, especially hard topics, to the point to where it really becomes that there's no hard topics.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I would say in our relationship we talk about things now that would have been really hard to talk about before and it actually is a lot easier to talk about.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Even though Nick has admitted that there's certain things that are still hard for him to talk about.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, but not as hard, right, like it's like, ah, it's a little weird, but that's okay, let's talk about it.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Right, let's do it Okay.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: So, all right, let's jump in.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Number one what is Well, some of these were Okay.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Before we start, just to give you a disclaimer, some of these we will answer just to give examples, right, and some of these we will not, because we do not want to hear the answers, because this is rated PG.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so we will be respectful.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: What is your favorite sexual memory of us together?
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: We will not be answering this one.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I'm going to answer it.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: No, you're not, okay.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's a great question.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Why would you want to ask your spouse this question?
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: That's a great question.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Why would you want to ask your spouse this question?
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: That's a great question because you can understand what made it so good, right?
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: What made that memory so good and so enjoyable for the both of us?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: And you should be asking each other the questions, right?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Not just hey, amy, what yada, yada yada, like it should be both answering the questions.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: No, you both have to take turns.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: What is your favorite sexual memory of us together?
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I think not only, like you said, does it say why or what happened that made it so great so you can relive it, but I also think that it brings back those loving, romantic, sexy memories that can kind of cause those feelings to start something right.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Let's go recreate that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Well, what's going to happen is if Amy says I really like this because of this, this and this, and I'm like oh, I never would have guessed that.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Oh I know what we should be doing that more often, then exactly, and that's why it needs to go vice versa, right?
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: It's because I need to know why, for you too babe, if I'm just alive and breathing and making love to you, I that's my favorite sexual memory that's probably most husbands say.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Number two and and these are gonna like some of these are gonna be harder for some of you.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: But what do you find most attractive about me, both physically and emotionally?
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Oh man.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: You don't have to answer it, okay.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I was going to say we would go into about hour five of this podcast.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: So I'll tell you that later.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: That's nice of you.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: When we're making love.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: later I'll tell you I think it's important for couples, no matter how long you've been married, to talk about why you're still attracted to each other.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't have to be physical stuff attracted to each other, and that doesn't have to be physical stuff.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's good too.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I still think you should compliment your spouse.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: But when you start having deep conversations about like the other day I told, like I said I'm really attracted to you because you are so good at saying those three things we just talked about, I'm sorry, I love you and thank you like that's super attractive to me that he is so good at saying them.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's like that's the kind of conversation, like that's very oh my gosh, like I didn't even realize, like that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: You noticed that right, thank you.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, likewise I.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: This is another one of those questions.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: We'd be here for four hours if I.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Number three how do you envision our future together?
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Great question.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Like you could reword that one to say how do you envision?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: When we're retired.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Or retirement, but not even just that, like how do you envision retirement sexually?
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Like what do you think it's going to look like?
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Do you think that our sex life is going to get better when our kids are moved out?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, I sure hope so.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: The next question is what are your deepest fears or insecurities?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Why is this so important for an intimate marriage?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I think, because maybe some of the decisions that drive us are caused by our fears or different things, and so you know, when you know each other's fears and things, maybe weaknesses, you can help each other, be stronger and work together.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And I would say that when you're sharing your deepest fears and insecurities, that is creating trust, because you realize that you have a safe place to share and that emotional intimacy is building deeper and deeper when you share those kind of things.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: And that is what makes your sex life better.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: For sure 100%, yep.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: The next one is so important we talk about it all the time.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: What is your love language and how can I better express love to you in that way?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's self-explanatory.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Yep love to you in that way.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's self-explanatory, yeah it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: But we always talk about how, like love languages change often with like stages of life, and I mean, I I feel like your love language changes depending on what you're not getting in your marriage.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: So if you feel like there's something lacking in your marriage, this is a great question, to kind of bring that up in a nice way.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Be like, hey, let's jump on the app and hurry and take the love quiz and find out if I need more quality time or more words of affection or physical touch, right?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that way, you can go through the resources after you take the quiz and be like hey, this is you, this is me.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: How can we speak that better to each other?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: That's going to help your sex life big time.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: How can we be better support each other?
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: How can we better support each other during times of stress and difficulty?
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I think that's a great question, because that's when you need like you need extra support, you need your spouse to be there, you need someone to lean on, so understanding like, hey, here's where, here's where I need to and here's when I don't need to.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And I think this question would be awesome for, like your weekly marriage checkup.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Like how can I support you better this week?
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Like what is causing stress in your life, what's going to be hard for you this week?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: How can I be a better spouse to you?
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: during that time right.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Number seven is what is your greatest dream and how can I help you achieve it Once again, building emotional intimacy right there.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ask Nick, what's your biggest dream?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: My biggest dream is to have a happy and intimate marriage.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: That's what I want.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: You're living the dream.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: I'm living the dream right now, yeah.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: And a lot of people are not, and so hopefully this in all honesty and sincerity, like there's nothing better in this world than when your marriage is going really good and everything's clicking Like that's that's what I, that's what I crave and that's what everything I do in my life is to try to continue to have that marriage and hopefully, you know, amy feels the same way and that's what we both do together, right and I'm gonna put Nick on the spot.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: This isn't a question.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: But what would you say to cup wait to a spouse that their spouse doesn't crave?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: That?
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: well, would I say to a spouse that their spouse doesn't crave, that I, I don't know.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I mean, again, we go back to it takes two right, like if a spouse just doesn't crave that I don't know, I mean again we go back to it, takes two right, like if a spouse just doesn't crave that I don't know what you can do.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: You can't force it yeah, I think maybe people don't crave that, though, because they're not getting it and they don't realize how awesome it is yeah do you feel like that?
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I think the word is people get complacent, and sometimes people are okay with complacency because they think number one it's too hard to have something better.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: They think it's too much work and it's really not.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Or number two, they just say, oh I, our marriage will never be like that.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Why even try?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Right, and so you know, I think some people just get complacent and they just are like this is the way my life is and I'll live with it, so.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Or or selfishness, right, like.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh I have other things that are more important, unfortunately.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: But again, in my opinion, there's nothing better when your marriage is really good, the intimacy is really good.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's what makes me happy in my life for sure.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Right and I think that if you really work on getting like we call ultimate intimacy, obviously, but getting to that point where you're super unified and you just I don't know you do feel like one.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like that feeling is addicting a little bit.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Like, especially when you start to lose it and you want that back and that's what I was trying to say is like I think, people that are not there or haven't experienced that yet, they don't know what they're missing and that's probably why they don't crave it.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Because I think once you experience certain things like that, like that real unity in your marriage, then you crave that all the time, right?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: No?
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: question yeah, like I I.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: The more we're connected emotionally and sexually, the more I want to keep that um, yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: The next one is what do you need from me?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: To feel emotionally fulfilled in our relationship?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: That's another one I feel like should be added to the weekly checkup.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: That's huge, because I know we say it every single podcast.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: But to be, if you want a great sex life, you want that sexual intimacy, you have to feel emotionally fulfilled in your relationship, which comes from all the questions we've already stated and the love language being spoken right.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: This is another one that Nick's going to love but he's not going to share on podcast.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: What are?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: your fantasies or desires that you've never shared with me.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I won't share those on the podcast.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Actually, I'm just going to say that, actually, I'm just gonna say this.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say this and I'm gonna be totally honest my fantasies and desires are already being fulfilled.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Like I, because they're pretty simple, because it's so much more than just yeah, awesome sex right, it's like being intimate is really.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I'm already getting all my fantasies and desires.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Wow, you're pretty simple.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I'm a simple man.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Simple man.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: What role does intimacy play in our marriage and how can we improve it?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: That is a great question.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: And I think with this question you could almost go back to our relationship checkup where you like rated the different areas of intimacy.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna put that, okay, that will be in our bio link on instagram.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: You can go download the sexual intimacy checkup and it has like different areas of intimacy for you to ask questions and rate like.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: So if this list isn't long enough for you and you really want to dive into the areas of intimacy and really get talking about the spiritual intimacy, the sexual intimacy, the intellectual, like all those different areas.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: That's a huge.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have that in the links, just in case you want it.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on sexual connection and how can we make it more fulfilling for both of us?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to add the word physical sexual connection because we're talking a lot about emotional, but with this this is an intimate conversation that we're having.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: So if you add the word physical to it, I think this is important for the women, because if a woman isn't feeling like sex is physically awesome for her as much as the husband, like it's not going to be the same.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I think, it's really important for couples to be vulnerable and be honest and and like I told nick, you know, a couple years ago, like I just don't look forward to it because it feels good for 30 seconds and it took a whole lot of effort and we had that conversation and it changed our marriage what's interesting too and I'm not going to give too much detail is like in the past year so like our sexual intimacy has changed a lot for the better.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Like it used to be that we'd spend a lot of time during foreplay and it was 40 minute back rubs all the time and this and that, and now like it's changed a lot because of the aids that really help.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Now there's no longer a need to be 40 minutes of unless you want it to.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Unless you want it to my point is is like changes.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Change is often good and as you continue to talk and explore and try things you're going to see, continue to see your intimacy change and get better as well, if you're open to that.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Absolutely Keyword.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Open to it If you want change.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Right, how do you feel?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Next question how do you feel about our communication in our relationship?
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I think this question is important, but if you're already having this conversation, it's probably pretty good right.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Probably pretty good.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: So maybe switch that question to how do you feel about communicating about sexual intimacy in your marriage?
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I think that's more important because I think, like even you said, we had a conversation the other day of 22 years and Nick said there's still certain things that are kind of hard for me to ask or talk about, and so that that right there statement was like well, like what?
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: well like yeah, yeah, yeah like.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it can still be hard to be like in the bedroom and be like do you like?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Do you like this do?
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: You not like yeah and it's hard when you ask questions like do you not like this or how can I do it better?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Because you don't want to hurt your spouse's feelings or be like well.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I don't like this.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I don't like it when you do this.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: You don't want to offend, right, so it can be hard.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: What are some ways that we can connect better, daily, emotionally?
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: That's a great.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Back to the beginning weekly checkup, yeah, and also the simple things that I love you you know.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you, and.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, like those simple three things.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: You know I've said this a thousand times, but I think if, if you were couples that did that on a daily basis, like you, you pretty much are going to have 0% chance of divorce.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Like you're going to appreciate each other, look for the good in each other, you're probably not going to argue a whole lot.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: Like those simple three things just mean so much.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: And and the the um forgiving just takes away that pride.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Which pride causes so many issues absolutely.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: If you didn't hear that podcast episode, go back.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: What two podcasts to the magical phrases.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: It's a great one.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: The next question is what do you appreciate most about our relationship or about me, like if you were to, like you just said, saying thank you.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: What do you appreciate most about me?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And people did that every single day.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: And if I were to answer this question, I would say that my needs are important to you and vice versa, Like I think we prioritize each other's needs and, even if they're not the same, like I feel that you prioritize my needs and I feel like I prioritize your needs and we really do try to serve each other.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: But it wasn't always like that Correct.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: It was not always like that.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: That took us a lot of years.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: So for anyone that's like struggling with like I don't feel like my spouse prioritizes my needs I don't feel like I do a very good job.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: It's prioritizing my spouse's needs Like asking each other this one simple question and really get talking about it, if you truly care and you know exactly how you can do better at that.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I think that's like marriage changing right.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: For sure, okay, I love this next question.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: How can we keep the spark alive in our marriage as the years go by, or right now?
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: What?
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: What are some of the things we do?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, what do you feel like we do to keep the spark alive?
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: What works for us?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I literally would say that we, to keep the spark alive doesn't just mean like a great sex life.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: It means to me being emotionally connected on a deeper level all the time.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: And I would say we do three things.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I'll just name off the top three that I can think of.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: And I would say we do three things.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I'll just name off the top three that I can think of.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: We shower together almost every night, not intimately emotionally.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we hardly ever are intimate in the shower.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: No, we just sit in there and talk.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: We just talk for like 30 minutes and the kids are in bed and it's just quiet and connecting and that is really where we just have great conversations.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Um, the other thing we do is that we do try to both initiate lovemaking, whether I'm in the mood or not.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I will joke around and be like hey, tonight's a great night and he'll get all excited and even though I'm not thinking about it or I'm not in the mood, I really do feel like that makes a difference in our marriage.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: When I do that, you know I makes a difference in our marriage when I do that you know I'm thinking about it.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: He's always thinking about um.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: The next one is date night yep you said the three.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say exactly you know that we talk about date night all the time and, yeah, we're in a stage of life where it works for us.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: But even if you have to do date nights at home or just be more intentional about it or just turn off your phones and do, it just spending time together just quality time, taking a walk together like yeah, we do a lot of walks as well we do walks almost every night.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: We have like we have a lot of time, amy has like 16 dogs so they all have to be taken.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: So yeah, we do a lot of walks just three.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: The next one what is your idea of the perfect date night?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: And I think this question is super important.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be perfect, but even if you change that question to what could we do for a date night this month or this week, or how can we improve our date nights, I think that's going to totally change the spark in your relationship yeah and I think date nights need to be.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: We should probably ask ourselves that question, because I I totally get in a rut and I'm like I just want to be with you let's just go out to dinner and be.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: A lot of times our date nights are the same and but we, but we try to switch it up.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: We invite, you know, some close friends every once in a while, or we, I mean we.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we're in a stage of life where, like, we don't really need to be entertained.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: I don't think I think I'm more of the boring one in the relationship, like I'm okay, just uh, nick's fine, just eating I'm fine, just but but that's our marriage.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And if you need more entertainment or you need to go out and do something fun together, if that's what's exciting to you, that's great.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Like that's the whole thing is like making sure you're talking about it and you're on the same page with that.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Like yeah how do we keep our date nights exciting, right um?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: The next one is really, really important.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: How do you feel about our level of trust in each other?
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And if you're just like, oh, that's a dumb one, we're both good, fine, trust is great.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: How can we make our trust in certain areas better?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe when it comes to social media or places we're going or people we're around like, do we 100, 100 trust each other in every situation?
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: yeah, and that's a great conversation.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: It's a really important conversation to have.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: How can we better prioritize our relationship amidst the busyness of life?
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: simple shut down social media, schedule sexual intimacy or time together and really like oh just driving me absolutely crazy because everyone is just like everyone's excuses Life is so busy I don't have time.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Like you don't have time for the most important thing, important person in your life.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: You don't have time for your marriage, like you'd rather scroll on your phone.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: You'd rather, you know, be running the kids on her different places, whatever it is over scheduling your kids, over scheduling yourself.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah like it's.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It's so amazing that people just use that excuse and use it do you think couples actually look at each other and say how can we, how can we prioritize our relationship more, though?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Like if couples literally sat down weekly and said how can we do a better job of prioritizing our relationship?
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, imagine how like life changing, that would be right.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: It really would be.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: It's just really simple.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I mean I think we kind of did that right, like you, and I have basically said all right, what can we do to?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Well, we were starting to feel like roommates 10 years ago and we were letting the kids run our life.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: We really were.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: It was like sorry, I can't tonight so-and-so's got this, or I scheduled this, or I'm too tired, or like sometimes you just have to step back and be like we need to do a better job of it, right?
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: The next one is what role does forgiveness play in our relationship and how do we improve in this area?
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: I think that's a big one, because a lot of times pride gets in the way, and I think a lot of marriages just move on from different things, yet they're still thinking about an argument or holding the grudge over something that happened six months ago, a year ago, two years ago.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: It's never, I guess, been resolved, and so it's just something that's always just back there.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Don't you feel like sexual intimacy is completely not intimate when you're holding on to resentment in any way For sure.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not going to be connected, you're not going to be connected.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: The next one is how can we connect more emotionally after sex in our marriage?
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: you, you laugh at me on this, because I'm usually the one that's like let's uh, let's cuddle, and amy's just like all right, I'm, I'm done good night.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Good night, go to bed I'm definitely the more high maintenance one on that.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: But that's okay.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Like I need to know that that's important to you and that I can do better than not just rolling over and vote at the end.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: I probably have some ladylike tendencies when it comes to.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I'm a little bit more emotional.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I like talking, I like cuddling, I like I don't know.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I probably.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: But I'm a little bit more emotional.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: I like talking, I like cuddling, I like I don't know, yeah, and I probably, but I'm a full man, I promise.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: He's a man.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: He's a man, um.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: The next one is talking about sexual boundaries.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on your sexual boundaries and preferences?
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know that this one needs to be like constant conversation, but like making sure that you have like set and talked about that, like just so both people are comfortable, right yeah, I mean these are intimate conversations, so bedroom boundaries are very important and I think a lot of people don't talk about those things.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: We just had a couple we know.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: The wife said yeah, you know, I I've been uncomfortable with these things and she just never said anything right.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: So that's gonna make you feel resentment, things like that.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: So you have to talk about those things Like Amy and I have talked about.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Those are like hey, here are flat out nose in the bedroom and I'm like full on agree, yeah.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: So like we've talked about those things and like you know, and even things that one person is less comfortable with, Like is less comfortable with like.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like the one person should always come down to that person's com-, that comfort level, Like, like the person's like.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, Like.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: That really shouldn't be questioned, I think if you fully respect your spouse right.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: For sure, I mean like it's time to like, it's healthy to like, okay, let's try this or let's try this, let's be a little bit open.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: But when one person's like uh-uh, that needs to be respected in marriage, I think that's important to talk about.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: The next one is how can we keep the romance alive more in our day-to-day lives?
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: And you think that that's a woman question, but I got hammered on social media when I talked about how to romance a woman, and then we're like we want to be romance too, and so yeah, yeah, imagine if you were a husband and you got a text from your wife that said I can't stop thinking about you.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: I want, I can't wait for you to get home tonight to make love to you like, oh, are you kidding me?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: that's what I would be like oh, that guy's.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: The rest of that guy's workday would be useless.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Who would be?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: we don't want that, well, well.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Oh we do?
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: We do want that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: What are some things you wish we could do together as a couple?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: This is more like okay, let's make ourselves a bucket list or a vision board.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: Me and.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Nick were talking about this morning.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: We're going to add a feature into the app because it's really important to not just make goals together but to set some fun bucket list ideas, day-night ideas, like have something to look forward to.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Nick loves going on vacation.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen a ton, but he looks so forward to that.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: I'm planning like the day after we get back from another one.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: You're planning your next vacation when we're on vacation, daydreaming yeah, that's just what I love.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: But that's what keeps you going and that's what keeps you excited about life, and so it doesn't need to be on that scale, but if someone is really looking forward to trying something or learning something or doing something fun together, I think that should be of importance, and I think it's important to write it down, or make a vision board or make a bucket list together.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: It keeps your marriage exciting.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Right, okay, we're getting close.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: We're getting close.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: How do you feel about our level of affection towards each other?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: And you can put this on a scale of 1 to 10.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you feel about our level of affection towards each other?
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: That could be emotional affection, physical affection, sexual affection.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: You can pick whatever word you want to put there affection.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: You can pick whatever word you want to put there.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: And the reason why it's good to ask your spouse this is if, if you think it's a 10 and they say, ah six.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I remember talking amy one time and I'm like how would you rate us in this?
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: And she's like, ah seven.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm like seven, I thought you were a 10 we had a good conversation.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: We had a good conversation and understood what we needed to pick up on or do better at so and you totally agreed.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: After you're like, yeah, I get where you're coming from there.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Like you listened and you really heard.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And then we discussed how to like get me up to a 10 right and that's.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: That's what marriage is.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: The next one is what are your thoughts on experimenting or trying new things in our intimate relationship, if you're feeling like you're kind of at a standstill?
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: You've been married some years.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: We've been married 22, even at 22 we've implemented some new things to try and keep it exciting I think this still needs to be a constant conversation.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was going to say, if you're, if, if you're, like many couples, to where your intimate life isn't what you want it to be, that's all the more reason to try some new things.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you have to get kinky and crazy, yeah and we're not saying at all You're exactly right.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean I'm kinky and crazy.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: No, in fact I would say even more so.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Like it's about how do we connect more on a deeper level, like how do we make love instead of have sex?
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: How do we connect deeper?
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: How do we so when we're talking about trying new things, like it's like sitting down and having that conversation saying how do we make our love life better, just like Amy came to me and she says one of the reasons I don't enjoy sexual intimacy as much maybe as you do is because it only feels good to me for a few seconds and it feels good to you the whole time.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Right, and I'm like yeah, so we're like okay, how do we solve that problem?
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: And we literally sat down and figured out how to solve that problem.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: When we, when we solve that problem now I feel like amy's wanting to make love is a lot higher than what it was, because now it's like the other night she's like oh my heck, that felt like amazing the whole entire time, but it took a lot of conversation to get there.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: So what we're saying is it's so important that if your love life isn't where you want it to be and it's just kind of in a routine, talk about those things and try a different approach to things.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Find out why it's not where you want it to be.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Now, if we take this conversation I like that you brought up the emotional part of it if we want to turn this into a physical conversation, like, how do we really do spice it up after?
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's only so many things you can try if you're not a kinky, crazy person, right, which we're not so then it's like, okay, this is just my, this is my advice.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: This is why we designed the non-graphic positions is to to give you some ideas without you having to see anything you don't want to see.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: But now that we have the new toy that we've been selling out of, that would work a lot with a lot of those positions.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: So it's sometimes, if it's a physical, you want to like kind of expand or try something new, you could try a different position with a different toy together, obviously, and that can switch it up.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: And if you take it to like a different room or in the closet or try it on the floor versus the bed, like if we are talking physical, there are ways to do the things that you already do and change them up a little bit.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: For sure Right.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Absolutely Okay.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Last question what are your expectations for our marriage right now and how can we work as a team together to meet those?
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: That's a great question.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's more emotionally connecting, but I feel like it's super important because I feel like we all have unhealthy expectations and I think we all have healthy expectations.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I think it's important to like step back and be like is this a healthy expectation?
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Do you have expectations that aren't being fulfilled in our marriage?
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: and just have that conversation right, like yeah to have a fulfilling marriage you've got to feel like your expectations that are healthier kind of being met correct absolutely, absolutely and one of the best ways.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: I think you know we obviously have gone through what 30 questions I think there's like 28, one of the best things you can do is listen to this podcast together as a couple, and maybe maybe this is a podcast that takes you a couple weeks to get through.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: But after, after each question, pause the podcast and do five or six questions at a time or ten questions, depending on how many you get through or don't get through and talk about these things together as a couple.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: A lot of these conversations could be an hour conversation.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: It could be one a night.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, for sure, and most of them are on the Ultimate Intimacy app, under either the regular conversation starters or under the intimate conversation starters, because we know how important these conversations are, which is literally why we created the app.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Well, and again.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: we've said this a thousand times it's a lot easier to go to your spouse, instead of bringing the questions up yourself, than your spouse is thinking where am?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I getting these ideas yourself than your spouse is thinking where am I getting these ideas?
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: It's so simple just to read these or say, hey, let's talk about this when it's coming from an app or when it's coming off a podcast or things like that.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: It can make it just a lot easier to bring it up together and have that conversation.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Absolutely so if you want a better emotional connection and you want a better sexual intimacy in your marriage.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: We feel like these are 28, 30, whatever it was really really important questions yeah, so dive in.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: So if there's anything we haven't talked about on our podcast that you want to hear us talk about, reach out to us at Amy at ultimate intimacy comm.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Also, we just love hearing from a lot of you as to how you like the podcast and what we can do better.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: We love feedback, whether it's good or bad.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: We are open to criticism.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, we want to do a better job at everything that we do.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: So thank you again so much for listening and until next time we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.