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How can I decide what I can afford without guilt? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Deciding what you can afford to lend or give someone and feeling guilty about it either way is one of the most common money struggles there is, as it's usually about love, loyalty, and not wanting to disappoint someone you care about.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if you said yes when you meant no or said no and felt awful about it later, it does make sense.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now the guilt usually isn't a sign you've done something wrong, it's often a sign you decided in the moment under pressure, without a clear picture of what you can actually afford, because without that picture, each request gets answered on the spot, and answering on the spot is where the guilt tends to start.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: A steady way in is to separate the decision from the emotion in the moment.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So before you say yes or no, get honest with what's actually in front of you.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what are your regular expenses?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: What do you have set aside, and what would this amount cost you elsewhere?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because once it's written down, instead of going around in your head, it becomes information you can work with rather than a feeling that you're just simply reacting to in the moment.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now practically you can decide your limits before you're even asked.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So having a figure in mind you'd genuinely be comfortable with, one that wouldn't touch your own bills or your own savings.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Some people keep this as a separate pot so there's already an answer ready rather than scrambling around for it in the moment.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if a request goes beyond that figure, it's okay to say you need time to think rather than to answer straight away.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now when you tell the other person, just keep it simple because you don't owe anyone a full explanation of your own finances.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So something like I've thought about it and I can help with this amount, or I'm not able to do this right now is enough.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you are lending rather than gifting, then agree in advance, even if it's loosely, on when it's paid back, just so it doesn't turn into quiet tension later on.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now if this keeps coming up and it's wearing on you or a relationship, a financial advisor can help you see the bigger picture, and a therapist can help if the guilt or the difficulty saying no feels bigger than any one decision.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll also find more on this app to help you work through boundaries and money decisions.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.