Latest / Harder Than Life / 17: Work Works w/ Jennifer Cohen

Transcript

17: Work Works w/ Jennifer Cohen · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  Welcome back to today's episode of the Heart of the Life podcast. Very well, it was the easiest and most fun podcast prep I've ever done. I first was introduced to Jennifer Cohen on the CLS Experience podcast and went down the proverbial rabbit hole for days, immediately following her on social, followed by purchasing her book, Bigger, Better, Bolder, and then binging on her Habits and Hustle podcast. I can truly say I'm not only addicted with...
• 0:40
  but she is so authentic. I feel like I already know her. In case you missed her TEDx talk, it had a modest 5.2 million views. I even learned that she has all the riz one person could have. That's charisma for those not in the know. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of Dylan and Sydney has the body of a goddess and the mind of your sister, the brilliant, the beautiful, and of course, bold Jennifer Cohen. Wow. That is, oh my God, can I keep that intro?
• 1:10
  Jen, I got to tell you, I meant every word. I write those from the heart. And I like my sister from another mister. And I just love your content. Here's the book. I read it in three days. Everybody has to go follow you, has to read this book.
• 1:26
  And do the things, the things that you've done in your life are amazing. And you've tried everything. And we're going to get right into it because we only have an hour. And I'm, I just, I, I know it's hard to believe, but I just said, but as I just said, I only recently found you on a podcast. Tell us about your story. Why does your story matter?
• 1:48
  Okay, well, that's a big question, though, to start with, right? Because that's my entire book. That's me basically condensing it. Why does it matter? I'll tell you why my story matters. I'll start with that. Jen, hold on one second. I'm going to ask so many questions about the book. I tailored this just to you. So don't just go into that exact thing, like who you are as a person, not what we can Google because you're amazing. Speak from the heart and tell me the truth and be you.
• 2:17
  Yeah, I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't know any other way, by the way. I'll always tell you the truth. I think that the reason why I wrote this book is because I think there's a there's a real big misconception out there of what it takes to be successful. And I think that people get really low and down on themselves because they typically don't think that they have the chops. They don't have the talent. They don't have the looks.
• 2:41
  They don't have the intelligence. And when it really comes down to it, the brass taxes, you don't need any of those things to really self-actualize and shine and have the life you want. At the end of the day, what you just need to do is be bold and ask for what you want and do things even when you don't want to.
• 3:04
  I think when people realize that we all have self-doubt, we all have insecurity, where none of us are at all perfect, but it's the people who actually do it anyway are the ones that achieve.
• 3:16
  And I think I use myself as an example because I don't think I was, I was no great shakes. I was very average at best. I mean, I was not, I was, I was like, I was basically in the middle, if not lower, you know, like I wasn't terribly ugly, but I wasn't terribly beautiful. I wasn't terribly stupid, but I wasn't terribly smart. And I think that when a lot of people fall in that middle area and, you know, all the research and all the people I've spoken to on my podcast and in my life,
• 3:46
  What I've noticed is it's those people in the middle that are usually and lower are the ones that at the end of the day who go out and do extraordinary things with themselves because they just had these. They did it even when they weren't fully confident to do it. And that's how you really build confidence.
• 4:07
  God, I just adore you. Much of what we're going to talk about again is in her book. I'm going to show it to everybody, bigger, better, bolder. Go out and buy it. What's the story behind someone telling you that you were average at best?
• 4:21
  What's the story? Well, the story is this. I was definitely not a good student. I never loved school. Academics were not my thing. You know, like if I liked something, I would focus on it. And I always, I got by on having a really great memory. I had to, I can memorize things really well. But if it came down to like doing like problem solving with math, you know, I'm not your girl. And so I think we had this like test that we had to do. And I did really bad on the test.
• 4:50
  And it was humiliating. I think that like the test that I should be like, maybe a forest ranger. It's that when, you know, when my mom coming from the family I came from, they wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. It was it was kind of one of those moments. And I think basically a teacher told my mom, like, don't expect a lot from her because he's not going to give it to you, basically.
• 5:20
  I was like, I'll show that teacher. And the reality is I kind of feel like I did because it was the
• 5:30
  It was the fuel that gave me the rocket fuel to prove her wrong. And sometimes things really happen. Sometimes you need that to kind of instigate and to push you, right? Like you can either, you can shoot, life is about choices. You can choose to take things and be the victim and, you know, merit, like ruminate on all the, on the bad things that people say or think or whatever. Yeah.
• 5:53
  or you can use it to your advantage and go out there and crush. And so I just felt like, you know what, I'm going to show that teacher and I'm going to prove to her and to myself that that doesn't matter. And I did that. I proved it time and time again and not because again, that I was so special,
• 6:09
  but it was just because I put myself in situations where I didn't belong. And I basically was a bull in a china shop and I pushed my way through things and put myself in places and asked, I asked and asked and asked a lot of questions and asked for what I actually wanted. Even if the answer was no, it didn't really deter me to ask another, ask again.
• 6:34
  my first logo of my first company was a bulldog. And I was told I was a bull in a china shop so many times. But I tell you, what got me here was that proverbial chip on my shoulder to prove everybody wrong, to prove that I was smart. My stepfather told me I was dumb and I'd never amount to anything. And then now I've done so much therapy, I've lost that edge and I gotta manifest new ways to do things.
• 6:57
  I feel everything you just said. It's, it's, I'm so proud of you and I, and I'm so happy for you and I have a 14 year old daughter and I can't wait for her to listen to this and I'm going to have her read your book and, and she's just, I want her to emulate you. So. Oh, that is so nice. That, that, that to me is that when people say things like that, to me, it couldn't be a bigger compliment, right? Like, you know, um,
• 7:20
  You know, I have a daughter too, and I feel like you need to instill in these girls, especially now with social media and everything that's going on, you have to instill in them a voice and give them the tools so they can actually go out there and feel that they can do something and breed confidence in them. But again, not because you tell them, oh, you're so pretty or oh, you're so wonderful,
• 7:45
  But confidence is earned. It's not given. And I did a whole post on this yesterday, right? Like you have to, if you really want to be someone who is truly confident and go out there in the world and shine, you have to earn that confidence by work and action. And once you start doing these things that you commit, you commit yourself to do something and then you follow through,
• 8:11
  That's like one way to keep on building that building blocks of confidence, especially for girls. I think it's really, really important that they do that at a young age. They start at a young age. So you teed up my next question because it's in the book. Please explain the difference between self-actualization and boldness. Well, I think self-actualization, you become, you self-actualize by being bold.
• 8:41
  So to me, boldness is the secret sauce of success. And boldness is how you design and curate the life that you actually want versus acquiescing to the life that you get. And when I think of the life I actually want, that's me self-actualizing versus someone who is just...
• 9:06
  Kind of accepting kind of the good enough, what's in front of them, what was kind of slated. The real truth is this, right? Either you choose or the choice will be made for you out there, right? So I'd rather be the choice. I'd rather make the choice for my life. Everybody should.
• 9:27
  Everybody should. That's a nugget right there. Sorry, I hope I didn't interrupt that. That was going to be the show. That was so good. I love that. There's another book out there that was before years. I think it's called Super Bowl.
• 9:43
  or bold as a superpower something like that and i was reading it on a vacation with my daughter i'll send it to you uh and the it's it's yours is so much better so much because you have real life stories of how how it's really this was all theories it's good i'm reading it my daughter i'm on vacation we have a home in florida and she's reading dad why would you read that when you when you exude all those qualities i said thank you buddy but i just you know why do we take showers every day because they work
• 10:09
  Yeah. It's habit stacking, I guess. Right. Yes. What's the Batman effect? And do you have one? Is it Wonder Woman? Yes. So how did you tell? How can you tell the Batman that the Batman effect is actually it's funny that you just mentioned that because it's all about alter egos. Right. And there's been a lot of research and study based on alter egos.
• 10:34
  You know, Beyonce has an alter ego, which is Sasha Fierce when she's on stage. Kobe Bryant had the Black Mamba. You know, it are these things that you kind of, you put into, you basically become your best version of whatever you want to be by putting yourself in the third person. So the Batman effect that you're talking about is basically this research, this study that was done.
• 11:03
  with a bunch of children. I don't believe, I don't remember the exact age, but they gave them a task to do. And they did it with the, so the kids who wore a kit, they did it without wearing a cape, right? And the kid, most of the kids, almost all the kids ended up like giving up after a certain amount of time. They were just like, they were kind of,
• 11:26
  deflated. They didn't feel they can do it. They gave up. Then they put a cape on these kids. And the amount of kids that actually stayed with something and was much more, they kind of
• 11:42
  They were much more persistent. They wouldn't give up. They stay with it because they felt like they can, because they felt strength and power. So the idea is that if sometimes you just need to kind of create this alter ego where you can actually do and...
• 11:59
  do the things you want to do by taking yourself out of it or giving yourself that power. So this wonder woman thing is like, it reminds me like, you know what I now embody or empower that I can do whatever I want to do, that I'm strong, that I can do it. Like I'm wonder woman. And I, it's a, it's a kind of like, it's a visual, it's kind of like one of these things where it's a reminder, a visual reminder and a mental reminder that,
• 12:27
  I love, I just, I just love you. I, you're everything. I embody everything you, I cannot, as I'm, my daughter's texting me as I, as, as we were there and I'm thinking, oh, she's got to hear this. As a child, you were a latchkey kid. So was I, I had to come home and do lots of chores all while playing sports and at an acing school. I was a good student. You were a good student? Where'd you go to school? Where are you from?
• 12:48
  Oh, I went to the ghetto. I got to send you my book. My story is crazy. I was physically, emotionally abused. It was never safe. I mean, that's why I'm a big guy, because my stepdad would beat the crap out of me. So I got big because I wanted to beat the crap out of him. And.
• 13:03
  So my daughter will never feel that. She, we've, I made it out of the ghetto. I went, so have you seen the movie Eight Mile from Eminem? Yeah, of course. Well, I grew up, Eminem went to high school with me for a year. So I know him personally. He's a good guy. I haven't talked to him in years, but he...
• 13:19
  his baby mama grew up two streets from me. So we grew up like a mile. So it was ghetto and like that. So it's a pretty remarkable story. But this one's about you. This is about you. And everything we're doing in the podcast is for charity, by the way. So we're helping you sell books. And I get to meet a new friend. I'm also going to, we're going to talk about how we're going to introduce you to Mark Wahlberg. Oh my gosh. We're going to do it.
• 13:43
  So you were a Lashkey kid. What's the difference someone made in your life as a child? Oh, at what age are we talking? You choose, my dear. Well, I'm going to say this. I'm going to give you the story that's the most well-known just because I think people like it, which is Keanu Reeves, right? Because that was a very pivotal moment in my life, right? Best story ever, by the way.
• 14:12
  What? It's a good story, isn't it? But I think it's a great story. And I don't wanna ruin it. So people, if you wanna hear the full on story, you should listen to my TED talk that talks about it much more. But it was a moment in my life that was very pivotal because it was someone who I wanted to get, I really wanted to do something. I really wanted a job, my dream job.
• 14:35
  And I believed that Keanu Reeves was my ticket to that job because he was in my small town. And I thought I always wanted, I loved music and I really wanted to be like a VJ. Do you know what, like a, what do you call that guy? Carson Daly or like one of those people, right? And at the time, don't you remember like MTV VJs or I'm like much music because I'm Canadian. Yes, I'm a little older than you just so you know. So yes. Okay. Well, how old are you? 47.
• 15:04
  Okay, well, still, it was a very coveted job, and I really wanted it, and they were having open auditions, and I thought the only way to get an audition is to have Keanu Reeves on my demo. And I thought, why can't I, again, why would he not help me? Like, why can't I get him on my demo?
• 15:24
  It's like this, like this, like naivete that really, really works, right? Like if you lack of experience, it's actually the best thing you can ever give yourself, because when you don't have the experience and you don't know what you don't know, you will, you will 100% make efforts at that stuff because there's no, nothing's deterring you because you don't know how you're not, you're not jaded yet. You're not going to overthink it.
• 15:49
  you don't overthink it and you're not jaded by all this like bad stuff that's happened to you or whatever else. And so I thought, why not? And I told my friends and my family and everyone laughed at me like, Oh yeah, Keanu Reeves is going to help you. Ha ha ha. But I really believe like, why not me? And I think I coerced a girl to come with me to like wait for him outside of the theater that he was performing a play at Hamlet. He was, he wanted to, he was at the pinnacle of his career. Not like he's not now. He's been at the pinnacle forever, but yeah,
• 16:17
  Um, and I thought, you know, I'm just going to wait for him and see if, uh, you know, I can talk to him and ask him to help me. And I live in, I was from Winnipeg and I'm from Winnipeg. It's a very cool place to live. And I waited for him outside in minus 45 degree weather. And finally, after like an hour, he shows up and I charge him and I asked him if he can help me with my, my demo tape.
• 16:42
  And he was so perplexed and confused and everyone was like grabbing at him and, you know, basically trying to get an autograph. And he asked me if I wanted an autograph. And I was like, no, what do I want an autograph for? What's that going to help me for? And he just, he asked, he said, give me your phone number. I can't understand what you're saying. And I did. And, you know, basically, long story short, you got to hear the rest. Cut to, he comes to my house days later and he is my demo tape.
• 17:11
  And that in that moment of time, it taught me something very big, which was you don't know unless you ask. And you should always go into every situation with the question of why not me?
• 17:26
  You know, if it can happen to so-and-so, it can happen to me. You know, like it's about putting yourself again in uncomfortable situations where you don't think you belong. And sometimes miraculous things happen to you, which takes you on a whole different trajectory that you never knew existed. And that becomes your new life path.
• 17:46
  And so to me, it's so important. That's why boldness to me is so important. There's no better word to describe it than just being bold, you know?
• 17:57
  I love it. Grant, make sure I'll send the TEDx link. Let's make sure we put the TEDx link in the show notes because it has a picture of her at the end of it with Keanu. The first thing I thought of was, oh, my God, he was hitting on it. But she's got this big, curly hair and he was just being a good dude. Yeah, he's basically saying that was ugly. I didn't put together that.
• 18:19
  I'm sorry. You put the – I was going to say, I watched the TED Talk not knowing this was who was on your show. I just now made the connection when she started telling the story. I didn't know who you were before I saw you on Craig's podcast. I never heard of you. And it's amazing how you said this is just going to steamroll into things. And my daughter is going to pick you up. And all of her friends are going to follow you. So I'm – That's what my first story is.
• 18:43
  This is a good example, though. I want to say something about that, right? This is a very good example. That's why you need to, in life, you need to lead with yes, right? Because you never know where it ends up and where it leads you, right? What if you asked me to do this show, this podcast, and I said, nah, no, I don't. I would have made you say yes. What? I would have made you say yes. Because I always say to people, you got two options. Option A, you do what I ask you to do. Option B, I make you do it. So.
• 19:15
  I just know I always tell people to don't why say no and yes feels so much better. And also you don't know where it leads you like look at like so much of my life if I said no, I wouldn't have that dot would never connected to a different dot that led me to somewhere else.
• 19:34
  that's my point. Like, I feel like people are so myopic and they don't seize opportunities that could be right in front of their face because they just have all these reasons why they can't, you know, there's a whole big thing about people talking about, like, I have a lot of people on my podcast just recently, actually a girl came on very well known. And she was like, you know,
• 19:55
  My time, you know, time is the most valuable thing. Yeah, I understand. Time is the most valuable thing. And so she's like, I might say no is so important. And I say no, she's like, I say no to 99% of things. I'm like, okay, that's great.
• 20:11
  But the truth of the matter is most people starting out or in the middle or, you know, when they're trying to like get to a certain place, you can't you can't have that mentality. You can't have that ideology because it will be destructive when you're starting out or when you're growing and when you're climbing, you have to say yes to everything because you never know. My best things happened from things that, you know, didn't seem like much. You know what I mean?
• 20:37
  I love it. What's the single most, you've done everything. It's in the book, a shoe shoe company. You've tried everything, tried to be the video DJ. What is the single most significant career accomplishment in your opinion to date? Oh, wow. Career, career accomplishment. Yeah. Career. Cause you know, it's going to be the kids. I mean, yeah. Well, yeah. Okay. So that's a good question. I would say,
• 21:05
  I would say actually, to be honest with you, my podcast, and I'll tell you why. Because the podcast came out of an opportunity that didn't work out. And I know nothing about technology. I'm really bad with technology. I never even knew what a podcast was, really. I mean, I did a little bit, but not really. And this podcast was sold actually as a TV show.
• 21:30
  Is that the blah, blah, blah one? No, different one. This was sold as a show called Game Changers. I sold it to NBC Productions. And nothing ever happened with it. It sat there like forever. And finally, I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to put my destiny in someone else's hands. I'm just going to like do it myself and put it as a podcast. Like a lot of the themes were changed, but the overall idea was the same, which was interviewing a lot of disruptive people for their habits and rituals.
• 21:59
  And, you know, I figured out a way to put it together. And from it, you know, the amount of relationships and opportunities that it opened for me has been insurmountable. And doing something I actually genuinely love, which is, A, asking questions, and, you know, getting into the brains of people who I'm super fascinated by. And so that's how Habits and Hustle was born. And to me, that's been my biggest accomplishment because
• 22:29
  It's something that I genuinely love to do. And it was something that I did as kind of like, because out of necessity, because something else never worked out. And it actually became something that worked out better. And like I said, it opened up all these other windows of opportunity that have been amazing. Yeah.
• 22:55
  We'll make sure that the link to it, because I didn't know anything about it before I found you on Craig's podcast. So we'll make sure the link to that's in the show notes as well as it's really good because you do two a week and one is an interview and the other one is with your assistant. And she's brilliant and hilarious, by the way. I binged it. I don't literally do this much prep, but you were so easy. I said it in the intro. I mean it with all the way. You are so easy to like and you are such a personal person. I enjoy every.
• 23:25
  my routine my I listen to you regularly now so from just being on it now you're on my podcast I love it and I'm very happy thank you for telling me that I listen to your son on the podcast I was dying laughing he was so cute I'm gonna have my daughter on it's just yeah you're fabulous and he's so cute oh I love him he was so mad by the way that I put that up he was not very happy but
• 23:52
  My daughter said this morning, she goes, what do you mean you have an in-person studio? It's like, where do you think I disappear to? Tell us about a time when you almost gave up, how you felt about that and what you did instead of giving up. This, that happens. That's a great example. I can use both stories. This story is very interchangeable, right? Like I could have given up on that TV show.
• 24:16
  but I decided not to, and I made it into a podcast. It's so good. Guys, I can't tell you enough about your podcast. Listen to it, subscribe, rate, share it. So then tell us about something that you believe and that nobody else agrees with you on. This ought to be good. Oh God, that's a good question. I think there are people who do agree with me on this, but I do believe that we're living in a time when
• 24:43
  we're living in a time where it's a very soft society. People are offended. I mean, there are like, there's people who are all there's one camp that believes certain thing. And I'm in the other camp, which is that I don't believe in like manifestation, for example, as manifestation is that you just bring things to you. I heard that on your podcast. I just heard it. Right. That was my, cause it's so true. Like I, there's,
• 25:11
  And people are leaning into it way too much that like, you know, if you just visualize it and think about it, things will happen for you. And I'm much more of a believer of work mentality, grind mentality, persevere mentality, all of that. And that may sound archaic to some people that may sound like that's like old school, but like sometimes like basics, old school works the best. You know, like when you go to the gym, you know,
• 25:42
  Can I tell you something? You know where you get the best results by doing a squat, a push-up, a lunge, and you know what I mean? And like some kind of pull-up. You still get the best results doing that. You can add all these, you know, cool accoutrements and much more, you know,
• 25:59
  fad, trendy things, but that's how you get the best results. And I'm still with, I still believe that you get the best results by putting in the work, by doing action, by, you know, putting yourself in places you don't belong and really, you know, pushing, you know,
• 26:17
  Um, and so I would say that that's one of the things that I believe that a lot of people don't agree with me. What are you talking about? You don't think that we can just, you know, what they say, dream without action is just a dream. So you don't think that I could, I just sit at home and I just manifest getting muscles, uh, every day. And I just go, there were studies that actually said that if you just visual, just visualize, I'm with you, work, work, works, the harder I work, the luckier I get.
• 26:45
  I go into the gym, I'm at the gym, I'm at the gym at 5 a.m. And I'm dispensing justice. And there is no freaking scorching. There's no freaking non-negotiable. We just go and we just do the work. I believe that. What's your biggest fear? And I'm going to caveat to this because I just added this late. Do you fear death? And then what's your biggest, what's your biggest fear?
• 27:11
  My biggest fear is regret. My biggest fear is regret and not doing everything that, I'm not living a life that's authentic and not doing the things I wanna be, not living the life of being true to myself.
• 27:32
  at the end of the day, like at the end of my life. I don't want to look back and be like, you know, I really should have done that. I really would, what if I did that? If I should, I should have done that. What if, what if, if I didn't, what other, that to me is terrible. And I talk about this in my book. It's, I'd rather be rejected than have regret any day of the week. I could be rejected all day, but with the idea that at least I know I tried
• 28:00
  versus this idea of not even attempting to do something because of fear and self-doubt. So I have to remind myself of those things all the time.
• 28:12
  Well, they say that the space between who you want to be and who you end up when you die is that regret. So I find it ironic that you say that regret's your biggest fear and then you fear death. A lot of people talk about that. I fear death too, but then I start thinking about it. Like we're all gonna die. We know it's inevitable. So let's be bold and live every day like we don't know if tomorrow's guaranteed. So it's a little bit of a spin on it, if you will.
• 28:40
  I don't want to die because my life is so good. I have a daughter that needs me. How old is your daughter right now? 14. 14 years old.
• 28:50
  I live in Detroit, so we have a home in Florida as well on the water, but we don't get down there in the summer, we go down in the winter. I've got to stay big so I can keep her protected. All of her friends follow me on social media and they know how big I am and they know how to stay. All the boys are fascinated by me. They come over and they introduce themselves to me.
• 29:14
  And I make, I'm one of those weird people that I, I have sit down dinners. If anybody's over, we have a sit down dinner and we all have to have conversations. If when you meet my daughter, she will have a full blown conversation and ask you questions and give you full answers. That's something that's very important to me. I raised her the opposite of the way that I was. She's, she's very, very well put together and, and knows that one word answers are not going to, not going to do it, but she's, she'll love you and you'll love her. So...
• 29:43
  Um, what's the most, I just grew up so crappy that I just, I had to pay it for it. I get to relive my childhood through her. What's the most important decision you've made in your life? Oh, that's a great question. Um, the most, so many, you've made so many good decisions too, by the way, but I would say having kids, I guess, so I can have my, I guess this is going to be a kind of a, I
• 30:12
  I guess the best decision was marrying the guy I married, my husband, but so I could have the kids I had because I think my kids are just amazing and I love them so much and so special. But I think every parent thinks that of their kids, right? Like you think your daughter is amazing. No, no, no. I would tell you if she was a jerk, but –
• 30:30
  I'm not like that. I'm one of those guys, I would tell you. And sometimes she is. This morning she got feisty with me and I said, you might want to go in with a better attitude to school. I let her do her thing and experience the consequences, both good and bad. I'm not a hover parent. Yeah, I'm not a hover parent either. How long have you been married? 11 years. Where'd you meet your husband? Oh my gosh, I met him at...
• 30:58
  at a Passover Seder. Do you know what that is? I'm Jewish. I'm Jewish. I know, I know. So yeah, the last supper. The last supper, exactly. It was totally weird. You know how I met him? I was dating another guy and I broke up with this boyfriend of mine the night before the Seder that I was invited to. And he was supposed to come with me to the Seder, this guy, Adam. And we broke up. And so I called my girlfriend because my girlfriend invited me to her Seder.
• 31:28
  And I said, listen, I broke up with Adam. So you have another, like you have another chair open, you know, just FYI. And so she's like, all right, whatever. And so her girlfriend, I was like, okay. Her girlfriend had a crush on my husband and invited my husband as her date. I didn't know any of this. I was, you know, like, I didn't know the friend. I didn't know any of this information.
• 31:55
  until I got there and he was sitting beside me and I didn't even like him to be honest but like he drove me home and I don't know he was very you know what he was extremely persistent you know what I mean like he would not take no for an answer he's like when am I let's can I take you for dinner I'm like oh I you know I'm busy whatever he's like well how about I'm not he's like how about tomorrow how about this day how about that day and he wore me down honestly that's how it happened
• 32:23
  Were you friends with the girl that had the crush on him or not? No, I had no idea who she was. I didn't know that. Oh, she hated you. Oh, geez. By the way, I think to this day she hates me. Hey, girlfriend, I'm sorry. Hopefully you had some matzah with somebody else. I don't think she hated anybody, to be honest. Oh, I'm so sorry. She's such a nice girl. She's a really wonderful person, actually.
• 32:47
  That's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Passover. I've never heard somebody meet somebody on a Passover. Our Passover seders are long and arduous. Like, oh no. Oh, you have no idea. Same with, so by the way, so are these ones. So the best line I've ever heard in my life is you have a master's degree in failure, but a PhD in getting back up again. Where did it come from and what's the backstory? Yeah.
• 33:13
  That's literally my, I just thought of it. I mean, where it come from that, that like, I have a master's in failing cause I'm so used to falling and failing. And, you know, I learned how to be resilient just through becoming desensitized to failure and reframing how I look at failure. That that's why I say that. I say as many times as I fall, it doesn't matter. I have a master's in it, but I have a PhD
• 33:42
  because I'll always keep on getting back up and trying again. Like it doesn't deter me to stop trying. That's the idea is that I can fail a million times and I'll be like, okay,
• 33:55
  Let's go. Like I look at failure as an attempt, you know, your first attempt at something, your second attempt, your third attempt. And the reality is most people don't even make one attempt. Almost nobody makes one attempt. Hardly anybody makes two attempts. So if you're somebody who is going to put yourself out there over and over again, just on sheer volume, you're going to win.
• 34:21
  just on sheer volume. So I always say like, don't count yourself out because like the more you try, the stack is for you that you're actually gonna get something. And by the way, if you don't get that thing, another opportunity will present itself that you never even knew existed by just going through the process.
• 34:41
  Remember, she said that. That is so true. It just, you will be in the right place at the right time in the thing that's meant for you. That's the law of vibration. That's the law of attraction. That's, I believe in that all day and twice on Sunday. And I always say impossible only describes the degree of difficulty. What's this meh versus eh? Meh versus eh. Is that in my book? I can't remember. It's in your book.
• 35:07
  I don't remember what I wrote. Can you tell me? Because I wrote it so long ago. I don't remember. I literally, I'd have to look it back up because it was so interesting. And I just, it's the way you look at life. That's all. It's the big deal. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It was so intriguing. Because I- Of course, okay. I do know what you're talking about, of course. So basically, my idea was, it's about perspective. Life is all about perspective and it's about reframes. You can look at something, this is the examples I used. I know where you bought that from. I know the sentence because
• 35:37
  You know, for example, you know, if baggage versus luggage, right? Baggage has this idea of like weighing you down. It's like the baggage. It's like, it's heavy, it weighs you down. It's problems. It's, but luggage feels much more like you're going on a trip. You feel much freer.
• 36:00
  It's like, yes, like new beginnings. It's all about how you reframe and how you see things, which then guides you through your life. And so...
• 36:12
  No, go ahead. Your euphemisms and explanations are priceless. I listen, I consume so many podcasts and the way you, this is why I resonate with you. I'm not the smartest guy, but I can understand everything you say and I get it. It's, I love it. It's true though. Thank you. But isn't it true? Like it's all about how you envision something. Again, you can choose how you look at something.
• 36:39
  and how you respond and react to something. I believe that we all should be the CEOs of our own lives. We should be designing and curating the life that we want, not just, again, accepting what we have in front of us because that's not how you have an ultimately rich life. And I don't mean a rich life with money.
• 37:03
  I mean, a rich life with like experiences and relationships that are meaningful and all that stuff. That to me is way more important. Alignment. Yeah. Tell us about, tell the listeners about blah, blah, blah. And your best friend, Laura.
• 37:15
  Oh my God. That was so long ago. This is like, do you read the book? It's in the book. I just, I, I, I, I binge wrote Reddit and then said the things that were very interesting to me, you know, we're not, we didn't, I didn't, I'm not regurgitating the whole entire book because I want people to buy it and read it. But these are just some of the fricking absolute gems that are in it that I, that I just found that probably make you, you. Thank you. Yeah. Well, I appreciate it so much. You don't even know, but, um,
• 37:44
  I feel like, oh my God. I was working at a record label and then I had this idea of doing a show. What haven't you done? What haven't you done? You really are Wonder Woman.
• 37:55
  I think, thank you. But like, I think my, my, I'm old, but like my career really was, it evolved over time. Like, I don't even know how I ended up doing what I'm doing, to be honest. Like if you looked at my Warshaw, I was at that personality test or that not personality test, but like the Warshaw thing, it's all over the place. It makes, there's no rhyme or reason for anything. I was in the music world. I was in the sports world. I was in the fitness world. I mean, none of it really kind of
• 38:22
  you know, but you take skills with you from everything, right? Your skills are transferable. So there are certain things I learned in, in, um, music that helped me in sports. And like, you just don't ever think that what you've done is irrelevant or inconsequential really, right? Because you can utilize those things in the next thing that you're doing, right? It's the, all,
• 38:51
  take every experience and every learning as a learning experience and use it, use it as that, you know. But to answer your question, I created this idea of show when I was very, very young. And I did it with my girlfriend and we had zero, we were given a small budget. And we basically, again, like did the same, same thing, you know, like I bootstrapped it, but got this production company gave me
• 39:16
  $1,500 to show him because he liked my initial idea, what the show would be. It was called Blah, Blah, Blah, which was like, it was like the view, but for a younger generation. And so I took it to the comedy festival in Montreal, where we like snuck in by buying these laminates and ropes. Like they all were wearing this laminate to get in, but they all were hanging from this rope. And I'm like, well, I don't have a pass.
• 39:46
  And but what if we went to the art store and we would get those black ropes and then pretend that we tuck them underneath? Maybe we can get in. And so that's what we did. And we've we kind of we basically snuck ourselves into this comedy festival where all these agents and managers and comedians and whoever celebrities were. And because we were like crafty, excuse the pun.
• 40:08
  And then we basically were able to like interview all of these like big, big, big people for this demo tape again, to always want a demo tape. It feels like right. The much music demo tape, this thing. And we came back with this like killer demo tape for the show. And then because of, but it's an interesting thing because I,
• 40:29
  when we came back to give in the, the, I guess the demo for the, for the, for the show based what happened while we were there doing all the hustling and finagling and being very gritty, right? Like snuck, sneaking in, making these pretend laminate things. And like, I was using some guy's cameraman because my camera was very lackluster and I was like wheeling and dealing.
• 40:56
  that when I came back, I was getting all the, when I came back to give in the stuff, I got all of these job offers from LA and Hollywood because I was such a hustler there, you know what I mean? Like I got noticed for doing something other than what I came there for, that again, sparked all these other, sprawled all these other opportunities. There is nothing that you can't do. And the next thing that you start, you need $1,500, call me, no I'm just kidding.
• 41:25
  I back you in anything, anything. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. You published an article on- I might company for a loan. You never know. I'm going to write that down. Well, I want to help you with your Miami thing too. So we'll talk about that later. But you published an article on Forbes.com for six years regarding leadership and productivity. Yeah, I was a columnist for them, a leadership columnist.
• 41:48
  There's nothing you can't do. There's nothing. You're just a Wonder Woman. You spoke about the fundamentals of fitness to start. What are they? Because obviously I'm big into fitness. Oh, wow. The fundamentals of fitness. Well, I would say this. I think what you're referring to is more about the values that fitness taught me for my life. Is that what you mean? Are you the fundamentals like doing a squat or a lunge? Okay.
• 42:18
  foundational, fundamental skills that help you in all walks of life. And that's why fitness to me has been such an huge piece of success, um, in everything because it taught me discipline. It taught me patience. It taught me goal setting. It taught me, you know, that you plateau in life just how you do at the gym. And sometimes things just aren't moving and you have to be okay with it.
• 42:46
  And if you just stick to something and not give up that things could change again. And all of these things are so helpful in, in like macro in life, right? Like you need discipline in life. You need to have habits that you, you harness and that you work and routines that you harness and work to be the best version of yourself. Things don't just happen by happenstance, right? Like,
• 43:13
  What you said earlier, I'm going to post that by the way, I'm going to put that on my story. Work works. Yeah. Work works because it's true. Work does work. And I think that learning these skills and also the other thing that fitness is so good for is that it gives you a real sense of confidence, right? Like true confidence that you can't make up, you know, you can't just, Hey, um, you can't make up stuff like that. You can't, you can't, you need to earn it. And like,
• 43:42
  You see yourself getting stronger physically, it makes you stronger mentally. And when you see that you're able to accomplish and conquer, it gives you that ability to feel like, yeah, you know what, I can do the next thing. And that is transferable in anything in life that you're trying to pursue.
• 43:59
  I'm glad you said it's so nicer than me because I do it all the time. I was like, you're crazy, go to the gym at 5 a.m. every day, which goes into my next thing, which is I work out seven days a week. I only take days off that the universe gives me and I read that you do the same. I'm the same. You work out seven days a week, practice bold habits, exercise meditation, doing hard things first. Is this where the 10% target habit was built? Well, 10% target's different. Doing hard things first,
• 44:24
  is that you get it out of the way quicker so you're not ruminating on it and it's not weighing you down the rest of the day. And then when you do the hard things first, you feel a sense of accomplishment that you feel like, okay, aha, I did that. You walk through the rest of the day with much more ease and confidence that you can like do the next thing and the next thing because you got the shitty stuff that you didn't want to do the hard stuff out of the way.
• 44:49
  So, and by the way, that's why I also like to do the gym first, because that's like a sense of accomplishment that you did is for that. You feel productive. You just made for yourself. You made yourself a priority. It clears your mind. It gives you focus, blah, blah, blah. So music or podcasts when you're at the gym. It depends. Like I when I do cardio, 100 percent, I need to listen to music. I cannot be doing cardio listening to like a podcast. What do you do?
• 45:18
  I'm mostly podcast. I am addicted to the expansion of my mind and being, and I just, I, you know, I'm just starting, I'm behind you. So I, I'm four months into this thing. It's blowing up like crazy, crazier than I've ever thought. So I listened to, I binge podcasting,
• 45:34
  I'm an alien. I'm a lot. That's why we get along. I, I, I, if you look at my story today, I started 3am this morning. I was so excited for us. I was, I've been up at three. I was cutting videos. I was getting prepping for this. I wanted to add a few questions and I'm so, my life is so good right now. And it's, which goes into my next question was, and we're going to go into more of those, but do you, I'd imagine you don't alcohol, you don't drink any alcohol, do you?
• 46:00
  I don't drink alcohol. I don't. I don't because first of all, to be honest, I don't like the taste of it. I never did. I wasn't like someone who liked the taste of alcohol. I'd rather eat my calories, number one. And secondly, I never really if I don't like it, why would I waste my calories on it? And it's it bloats me. I feel it's just gross. I feel gross.
• 46:24
  Your skin tone is perfect. I know you work out. You just see it and exudes off you. I ask that because alcohol, I used to drink a ton. I used to be the most functioning alcoholic or functioning drunk you've ever seen. And I had a body just like this still. But since I quit four and a half years ago, my body is ripped. And I'm 47. I have a six pack. And it's just. Wow. You want hormones or anything?
• 46:50
  Oh, of course, I'm 47. I got to take testosterone to freaking get... I'm on testosterone replacement, but you don't just eat testosterone and get bigger. You got to do the work. Remember the manifestation? You got to do... I train harder than anybody does, and I lift heavy, heavy weights. And then when I'm going real heavy, I do switch to music, and I get the podcast out. I'm...
• 47:08
  I have a really bad problem for getting to wind down. Like I'm always taking on something, focused on something. Something's getting better. And then I realize when I go to Florida, I get on my boat, I get on my Harley, and I think I got to relax. But like you said, you say right now you got to say yes to everything. And right now I'm just taking in everything to become the best. As you can tell, I've prepared for this journey.
• 47:33
  emphatically because I'm going to give you the justice that you deserve. And, and, and it's just the right thing to do. And, but talk about your, go ahead.
• 47:42
  No, where in Florida are you? Do you spend time? Cape Coral. It's just outside of Fort Myers. I'm on the West Coast. It's, you know, it's just weird how it happened. I was down there during the pandemic. I'm watching the sunset. I'm big on sunrises and sunsets. I don't know what it is. It must be about my mortality. Just something bigger than me out there. And it just makes me excited. And I was watching the sunrise. I was at the Naples, Ritz-Carlton.
• 48:08
  watching the sunset every night. I'm like, what the heck am I doing in Michigan? And we were shut down like you guys were in California and Florida's wide open, like nothing even happened. And I'm like, what am I doing in Michigan? I said, I'm gonna buy a house here. And I just jumped on a Harley and I rode up the coast
• 48:25
  And by happenstance, I built a house in Cape Coral right on the water with a pool, my boats in the backyard. And then right where the thing gets done, a hurricane comes through, comes right through. And the house was built so perfect that nothing happened. And my friends are like, you literally are the, you're Jewish. So we're the chosen one. So I literally, you really are the chosen one. Freaking build a house, hurricane, category five hurricane comes through.
• 48:47
  No damage. It's like, really? No, $5,000 worth of damage. It's, it's a couple of screens ripped out. Nothing. Boat was right. Sitting there. My, my lawyer who lives down there, his whole house was trashed and gone. It's gone as boats gone. I feel horrible, but, um, it's my escape and I get down there and I, I, but you know what? I'll sit and I have one vice. It's smoking cigars. Um,
• 49:12
  I smoke a victory cigar every day and I sit in my pool and I just enjoy it. And I'm usually reading. I read your book there and I prepare podcasts there. I do podcasts. I'm just my best self. I shoot all my videos there for, for the, for the social media. And you can just tell when I'm in Florida, cause I'm happy. That is so lovely. Wait, I have another question for you. Go ahead.
• 49:37
  What was the business that you were in before? What did you do or what do you do? I still own a company called National Technology Management. We're what they call a managed service provider. We're an IT company. It's a national company. We do really well. I still own it. I'm slowly pulling away. We run this thing called EOS, which everybody, it's a structure of how you run the company. And I can just pull out of it. And my team, I have a woman that runs a company who's
• 50:02
  I said, you're going to, she, as soon as I said your name, she's like, Oh my God, I love her. And she's going to love this podcast. She runs the company. She's a, a badass. And she believes in everything I'm doing. And she knows this is for charity. This, I couldn't do it without them. They allow me the freedom to do this because they do my job for me. So, uh, and it's, I am very, very blessed, but it's intentional. I, I surround myself with people that, uh,
• 50:30
  are yes that are yes let's do this together and and i lead with vulnerability and communication honesty i i live my life the right way but it took a long a long way to get there man and it just through lots of failures i got there and and i did a little bit late you know i started right around 42 43 i wish i would have started earlier i had success but it was all monetary and now i'm now i'm who i'm meant to be and this is going to explode and
• 50:57
  I'm going to latch on to you and help you and we're going to do things together. But I don't want to skip over that 10% target habit. That's really good. Yes, thank you. That is a really, thank you. That 10% target really kind of had a lot of traction. People really found it to be extremely useful. And I touched upon it a little bit. It's basically the idea that we said earlier that most people don't make any attempts, none, zero, right? Yeah.
• 51:26
  So if you reframe what failure is and decide that, you know what, I'm going to make 10 attempts at whatever it is I want most in life, pick one thing. Don't go crazy and have your in every area. Pick one thing and then just make 10 attempts at that. And if you do that regularly.
• 51:46
  one of two things that happen, either one, you'll get the thing that you went for, or, or, which mostly happens, another thing will, another opportunity will present itself that you never even knew existed. But what also it does, it gets you into the habit of attempting, falling, getting yourself back up and building resilience, right? You're, you're changing what the idea of failure means to you. You are, you're,
• 52:15
  really making yourself immune to the idea of failure, because the more you do something, the less stigma and discomfort comes with it, right? So if you can do something and over and over again, it loses that discomfort and it becomes much more, you become immune to it. So if you could pick something, you would be amazed if you,
• 52:43
  are focused on that thing, what happens. So don't just try once.
• 52:48
  Don't just try it twice and then say, you know what? Eh, didn't work out and then keep it moving. You really want something, you stay on course and you figure out 10 attempts. And usually by that eighth attempt, seventh attempt, like I said, something else will present itself that you never even knew was existing. But you have to go down that process and path to even find that. And so that's why it's such an important, that's why the philosophy behind the 10% target is so powerful.
• 53:17
  I just realized why that resonates with me so much. I'm a salesperson at heart and most people give up one to three tries or they don't try it all. Like you said, I would track all of the attempts that I would do to reach people. And I won more deals that most people would abandon than it. That's what made me my successful. That's the most successful. I, I would just, I make a game of it.
• 53:44
  So after six, seven, eight, nine, 10, I'd keep going. And a lot of times I'd win a deal after three years of trying. They're like, I just have to, you've been so dedicated. If you own the company and you're this dedicated, how is your staff? Just as tenacity, tenacious is one of our core values. I am. Tenacity is one of my core values too. I talk about that a lot. Like being bold, by the way, a very close sister or brother is tenacity. Tenacity is extremely important.
• 54:12
  And I used to be called that all the time. That was like, you know, Jennifer's so tenacious or she's that, you know, that tenacity. How does that make you feel? I think it's, listen, I'd rather be that than the alternative, right? Like, ah, she doesn't give it.
• 54:30
  She doesn't really try. She doesn't really have that much enthusiasm. Like people are always like, don't you think that, can boldness have a negative connotation? Sometimes people ask me. I'm like, no. I mean, they're like, well, it can be perceived as being pushy or aggressive or this. I'm like, so. To the wrong people. To the wrong people. Exactly.
• 54:50
  I gotta tell you, you just, you know, you're so humble and, and you're beautiful and smart and kind. And I just, those are, those are some adjectives that I'd like to make sure that you know. Aw, thanks. Are you ever down, by the way? Are you, do you ever get down?
• 55:07
  Yes, all the time. I mean, listen, I got to give myself pep talks all the time, right? Like, I have self-doubt that that creeps up all the time. And what I do in that moment, like, I'm a human being, right? But I try to, like, practice what I preach and say to myself the same thing I would say to other people was that, like, the only way to get, you know, what they say, like, the only way to get over someone is to get under someone, but it's the same thing. Like,
• 55:34
  If you're trying to like get over, like you have to do something different. Like if you feel self-doubt, do it anyway. If you feel like you can't still act as if, right? Like that's how you move, move over that hump, you know, to the next thing, you know, like when you feel bad or like you don't insecure, change your environment, go for a walk, like change your mind, change your, your, where your brain is, is, is ruminating or change your environment. It really makes a big difference.
• 56:03
  Um, and, but it's all action-based, right? Like if you're just sitting watching Netflix all day and expecting to have, you know, these returns on your life, guess what? It's not going to happen. You know what I mean? Like you, if you want something, you have to go out there and make it happen for yourself. Like you've got to create these opportunities. Don't just expect them to show up for you. Jen, you got it wrong. It wasn't to get over somebody. You get under somebody else, you get over somebody, you go to another Passover Seder. Yeah.
• 56:32
  I'm never going to forget that. I will bring that story up until the day you and I die. That's so funny. That's so funny. All right, we've got to start wrapping this up. Is there something I haven't asked you today that you feel compelled to share? No, we have to talk about the fact that the end of June, I think it's the 26th, the 28th,
• 56:51
  I am doing a bold, bigger, better, bolder mastermind with a big emphasis on wellness. And I would love for people to sign up and come. It's very limited. By the way, I went to the link to try to sign up for it. It wasn't there, but that was right after we talked the last time, which was like three weeks ago. Oh, try again.
• 57:12
  Okay. Oh, I want to go. I'm going to come support you no matter what. And, and thank you. Thank you so much. I mean, yeah. I mean, there was, I had a bunch of people reach out to me saying that the link, can you try it again? I will. I will. Cause that's not, I'm going to be down there. I want you to, when you, when you see me in person, you'll laugh. I look like a tree trunk. I'm five foot nine and 210 pounds of just. Are you serious? Let me see. Let me stand up. You don't see, you don't see all that.
• 57:40
  Oh, Jesus, you're very fit. Okay, let me. That's funny. I've never done that before. I'm looking at you online right now.
• 57:50
  I train real hard. Okay, so the 26th to the 28th, yeah, I do shirtless videos every morning because exactly why you, not to show off, you can tell. I have an ego, but it's in check. I do that because if I'm training like this at 47, you know that I'm doing the rest of the work.
• 58:11
  And I want to inspire people to follow in my footsteps. I don't drink alcohol. I don't take drugs. I'm not out womanizing. I'm not out watching porn. I just live my life. I am what I want my daughter to date. That's beautiful. I love that. That really is amazing. It took a lot of hard work and challenges. It took a lot of aggression to get this soft. Believe me.
• 58:37
  All right. A lot of aggression to get things off. It did. I'll send you a book and you'll see. Seagulls, be certain to follow her on all her socials and show notes and buy her book. Also subscribe, rate and share her awesome podcasts, Habits and Hustle. She releases two shows a week while not busy with her truth rope operating as Wonder Woman.
• 58:58
  It has been an honor, I must tell you how much I love you. I'm a fan and now a friend. And I just want to stay on. Give me two seconds. I've got to read the disclaimer. And then stay on. I need to grab your number. I'm going to make an introduction for you to get Mark on the show for you. Each and every one.
• 59:17
  Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.