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Why narcissist won’t let you go · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Is going on beautiful people today we're going to be talking
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  about why don't narcissists just let you go like when they're
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  done with you when they've moved on to someone else, when they're
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  married engaged or have someone else when they have a new
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  supply, when they seem like they're happy on social media
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  when you've moved on when everybody's moved on why don't
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  they just leave you the hell alone?
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  Oh animated, didn't I? It's too early for that.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the narcissist code. Let's get it.
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  The boom, y'all there. It just, yeah, it does happen.
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  Let's be real. Let's be realistic.
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  There are a lot of narcissistic people out there who absolutely
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  refuse to just leave you be, who refused to just let you have
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  your life, who refused to let you have your cake.
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  Not, not, not. I'm going to say let you have
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  your cake and eat it too. But I'm just talking.
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  I'm just rambling right there. Derek just won't leave you
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  alone. Yeah, I'm if I'm, if I'm hyper
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  right now, it's because I just like I'm a Lakers fan.
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  I just get up, get up this morning.
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  First thing I see is AD traded to The Mavericks.
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  So Luke, I'm like, what? So I'm just a little animated
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  right now. So it bleeds through, doesn't
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  it? I got a crazy ass right now.
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  Lee, your eyes look narcissistic this morning because AD is going
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  to The Mavericks, that's why. You know what I mean?
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  But in these processes right here, we are dealing with a
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  manipulator. We are dealing with a
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  narcissistic person. It does get into these spaces.
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  We have to understand this is how they operate.
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  Narcissistic people think that you belong to them, not the
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  other way around. Of course, the ownership work
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  works one way, one way, right? Ownership works one way and
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  narcissistic people tend to think that ownership works
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  towards the way with them owning you.
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  You belong to me. So regardless if we're together,
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  regardless if we're going to be together, if the relationship is
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  actually over, whatever the case is, you belong to me.
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  So Even so, so many people or in my comment sections or asking me
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  during my lives or whatever, in my support groups, there's like,
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  well, Lee, since they have someone else, will they finally
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  leave me alone? I'm like, why would they do
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  that? You know, this is not me trying
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  to be mean. Yeah, I promise you I'm not.
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  But if they think that you belong to them, they're not
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  going to leave you alone, right? If they think that you belong to
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  them, like you, they own you, or whatever the case may be,
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  they're not just going to let you go.
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  They're not going to freely let you go about living your life
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  anyway that you want to live it. I know it sounds asinine.
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  I know it sounds just kind of crazy to even said it out loud,
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  but this is the mindset of the mentality of manipulative,
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  abusive people. They think that you belong to
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  them. Like, so even if they move on,
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  it doesn't guarantee that they're going to leave you
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  alone. Now this part right here, I know
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  how this is going to sound, but that's not the goal.
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  And a lot of times they think it's OK because it's allowed to
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  happen. Like if they, let's say they
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  cheated on you, right, They say they cheated on you.
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  They left you for, they left you for the person that they cheated
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  on you with, right? They cheated on you, they're
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  with their affair partner. Now they come back into your
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  life, they're still with their affair partner and you're now
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  they're cheating on the affair partner with you.
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  How does that happen? You see what I'm saying?
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  I know you might have got manipulated.
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  I know there's whatever. How are you now the side person?
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  How you decide dude or the side chick?
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  How you decide person now you see what I'm saying?
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  How do you go from husband to wife to side piece, which I've
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  seen happen a lot of times. They don't.
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  I've seen it happen a lot of times, right?
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  I've seen it happen so many times that it get so many people
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  get caught up in what's going on.
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  How I got here. It's really literally a mental
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  mindset type of thing, right? Really.
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  You mean you see what I'm saying?
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  This is the mindset, this is the mentality.
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  This is what you go through. And I tell this to people all
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  the damn time. Like if you're entertaining it,
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  why would they stop? If they feel like it's allowed,
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  why would they stop? Why would they stop if they
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  think it's allowed? If they, if they say, hey, this
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  is meant to happen. This is going on right here.
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  This literally, they will just keep doing it.
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  There's like, well, if they were not OK with it, they would cut
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  me off. They don't have to entertain it.
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  And they guess what happens. You try to cut them off, they
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  lose their minds. They be in bed crying about you,
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  not crying about you. They be in the bed angry at you
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  for cutting them off. They be in the bed laying next
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  to their new supply or holding their new children and playing
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  with their new family and upset that you cut them off after they
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  left you, after they've left you.
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  But I've also hear, yeah, again, it's going to sound bad.
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  I've also heard this second thing as well, right?
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  I've also heard the second thing.
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  Think about this right here, how you might leave the narcissist,
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  right? You might leave the toxic
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  relationship dynamic. You move on, you have someone
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  else and then you start cheating with your narcissistic ex.
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  I've heard that. I heard that as well.
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  You you might not be cheating with them, but you saw you keep
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  entertaining them. So they think it's OK, right?
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  They think it's OK. So this is the mentality.
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  This is what happens, right? So I tell people all the time,
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  you have to think about this. When you're finally done, when
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  you're when it's finally over, when you're finally done and
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  it's finally over, you have to just kind of look at yourself
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  and mirror and be like, OK, what do I go from here?
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  What do I do now? What do I need to do right now?
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  And then as you're moving forward, you have to cut this
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  person out of your life if at all if possible, right?
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  I know sometimes they use the kids as leverage.
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  And this is one of the things that happens right here.
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  Sometimes if you have kids with them, they use the kids as
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  leverage to stay in your life. They use the kids as leverage to
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  come back and forth. They use the kids as leverage.
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  Believe how they use the kids as leverage.
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  Sometimes they threaten to abandon the kids if you don't
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  still sleep with them or deal with them.
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  And because you think you, you, you think you're keeping it,
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  keep them keeping it. You think you're keeping that
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  other parent in their kids life. That's not healthy because
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  you're unhappy. You know.
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  You know what I'm saying? You can't be unhappy giving your
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  kids your all. You can give them 100% but
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  you're you're not. You can give them 100% of what
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  you have, but what if you only have 75% because you're unhappy?
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  Because you're doing this right here to keep this person in your
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  kids life. This person clearly doesn't care
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  about their kids. If the only thing keeping their
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  kids in their life is you dealing with them.
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  They don't care about their kids.
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  So would you rather have their body in their presence in your
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  children's lives or not? Not probably nothing at all.
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  But then your kids are still get have a chance to be healthy
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  minded, right. This is what happens.
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  I said, yeah, I'm I'm seeing this happen.
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  I've seen people in these positions for decades.
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  You're single, the narcissist, your narcissistic ex is married,
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  but you still dealing with them. So they come until they do stuff
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  for the kids. You know, and I know sometimes
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  and day back in the day and someday and ages, that was
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  noble. I mean, it was normalized,
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  right? It made you, it was noble.
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  It was noble. Like you keeping it, you doing
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  it, you, you sacrifice for your kids.
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  We get that. It could have been noble, right?
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  And I said it wasn't. But nowadays you people
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  understand like, damn this, it's kind of wild, right?
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  So this is who you're dealing with.
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  So I, I tell this to people all the time, like this, this become
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  my new catch phrase. And I tell it to people all the
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  time. I say this to a lot of people.
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  A lot of people leave these comments.
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  I notice, I know that I keep saying I'm going to change my
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  words of yeah, I'm going to be I'm going to be very self aware
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  of what I say from now. But this is what happens.
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  They think that you are are active participant.
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  And also this ownership thing I was talking about earlier.
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  Ownership comes with a lot of shame.
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  Let's be real, only thinking to you thinking that they own you
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  comes with a lot of shame attached to it because
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  especially they don't want, even if they've moved on to somebody
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  else, they don't want the thought of you moving on and
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  possibly having somebody better than them.
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  They don't want that thought in their minds, right?
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  That thought would destroy them. That thought.
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  This would destroy a narcissistic person, right?
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  Because they don't want to have the thought about you clapping
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  cheeks with somebody that's doing it better than them or you
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  getting with somebody that has more money than them or somebody
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  that's more attractive, somebody with a better body, somebody
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  that is better fit for them. They don't want you to be with
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  better fit for you. They don't want you to be with
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  anybody that makes them feel like this.
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  They don't want you to man anyway, crazy crazy about it is
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  anybody can make them feel like this, especially if they don't
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  know the person. If this person is new to them,
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  they've never seen or met your new partner or people you, the
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  new people you're interested in, they're automatically going to
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  assume that you're down grading because it's going to sound
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  crazy. Narcissist want to be the best
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  you've ever had in every shape, every way, shape or form, right?
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  They want to be the best you've ever had, the best, the best
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  you've ever dealt with. They want that.
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  They want that, that title, right?
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  They absolutely want that title of being the best you've ever
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  dealt with or had or whatever the case may be.
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  And they'll get out. They'll keep continuing to do
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  this type of stuff because yeah, it's, it's, it's deeply
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  ingrained. Like if you, if I see you as
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  somebody else, it sets me off even if I have someone else,
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  because now my mind is wondering if that person better than me.
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  Are they telling me, are they treating them better?
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  Are they happier? Oh my goodness.
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  So I can appear happy. I can appear happy for you.
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  Even if we were even if we were getting together for the kids or
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  whatever, right? And we're shaking hands and we
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  were like, I'm beating your new partner.
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  I still feel a certain type of way, right?
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  I don't want to be this person's friend with this person out of
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  my out of your life. So they can be out of my life
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  and they're not always kids, y'all.
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  This could be your business partner.
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  Y'all can work together, right? This could be somebody that you
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  work with. Y'all could be exchanging pets,
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  which is yeah, I've seen people Co parenting pets before and
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  those be the worst situation right there.
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  Co parenting pets is I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but
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  there's a lot of narcissists a lot of people out here have
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  talked to they have are they exchanging the dog or the cat
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  every weekend? It's kind of wild, you know what
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  I'm saying? It's kind of wild and that keeps
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  people bound. I've seen this happen like I
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  actually saw this happen on on the TV show very recently as
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  well. This is selling Sunset.
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  They had broken up and they still work together, but it was
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  like exchanging a dog back and forth and they both were trying
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  to move on. And the partners, just like what
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  y'all doing? Y'all huh?
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  We went, we got this dog together.
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  So we, we promised that we y'all still sleeping together, some of
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  y'all still interested in each other.
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  Y'all just using a dog to stay and evolve in each other's
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  lives, even though y'all work together, even though the
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  situation is like this, right? Like that's why I say there's so
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  many people out here who are dealing with abusive,
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  manipulative people that have to just think about this right here
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  from this, this space. Sometimes you have to force them
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  to let you go. You have to force them to leave
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  you home. You have to call the cops.
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  You have to call the police. You have to call whoever you
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  need to call in order to get them away from you.
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  You absolutely have to or they're just going to keep
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  they're yeah, they're going to ruin your life.
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  And they don't care about, yeah, let's be real.
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  They don't care about ruining your life because they, because
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  they think that you're actively dealing with them.
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  They think that because you're an active participant that you
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  are ruining your own life. And they don't care how long
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  this goes on. Yeah, I've seen people in this
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  situation and this is not me. This is not me BS.
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  And I know I said it again. I've seen people in this
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  situation that have been spent time as a side piece for decades
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  after the relationship ended and they haven't moved on.
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  The narcissistic ex has moved on.
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  They're new relationships. They have new families and
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  you're still single for decades waiting for them to come back to
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  you. And they don't care.
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  They don't be caring that you waste your time.
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  They they think that you're active participant.
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  They say, hey, you signed up for this.
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  You know what it was like? Why would I come back to you?
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  You're dealing with a cheater. I cheated on you and I'm
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  cheating with you. I know you don't trust me, you
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  know, and there's so many unhappy people in those
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  situations. So you have to get to that point
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  where you are choosing, you're actively choosing yourself.
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  You're actively picking yourself because if you don't pick you,
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  who will? You have to pick you first.
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  You have to be, you have to give to yourself first.
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  You have to build yourself up first or that person is just
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  going to treat you horribly. That person is going to do a
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  number on your mental, physical, emotional health.
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  They don't want to let you go because they look at you as a
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  toy. Like, look, I use a toy store
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  analogy In this situation, you ever seen the movie Toy Story?
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  In this situation, Andy, the little boy is a narcissist, but
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  he's not. We know Andy's not a narcissist,
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  but just imagine Andy's a narcissist and you or Woody,
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  you're Woody. Woody is Andy's favorite toy,
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  Favorite supply, right? Woody belongs to me.
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  Woody belongs to the nurses. Woody belongs to Andy.
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  And then guess what happens? Buzz Lightyear comes into place.
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  This new supply, new supply, Buzz.
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  Buzz Lightyear is the new supply.
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  Now, Andy doesn't get rid of Woody.
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  He puts them in the toy chest for later.
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  He puts Woody in the toy chest for later on so he can come.
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  He can pick Woody out. Nobody else can play with Woody.
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  He plays with Buzz. He plays Woody sometimes, but
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  Woody is on the shelf. Woody doesn't get as much play
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  time as he does. He doesn't give Woody away.
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  He doesn't discard Woody until he gets older.
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  Like, you mean he gave Woody to Sunnyside or whatever the case
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  may be, Or he can give Woody to Sunnyside.
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  He gave Woody to that little girl.
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  And that's what Toy Story 4 started at.
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  But this is what happens. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, toxic person or whoever, you have to understand
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  that they a lot of times they look at you as property and can
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  they love their property? Sometimes I'll let you, I'll
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  leave it up to you. You know, just as much as they
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  love that, that old car in the front yard or that necklace or
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  whatever necklace, my necklace or something, whatever the case
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  may be. So they claim ownership on you.
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  And that is just because they claim ownership on you doesn't
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  mean that they care. I have to reiterate that because
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  I know a lot of people, they are trying to find a reason to go
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  back or they're trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel.
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  Well, Lee, if they think they own me, that means that they
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  care. People own like you people own
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  people own people back in the 1850s and 60s, right?
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  You didn't care about those people who out there in the in
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  the field of working for them as they treat them horribly and
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  beat their asses. They claim ownership on there.
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  They want people to have you see what I'm saying?
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  Like a slave. They look at you like a slave.
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  I own you but I'm not going to treat you doesn't mean just
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  because I think it is because I think you belong to me or I own
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  you, doesn't mean I'm going to treat you any better because you
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  belong to me. Doesn't that going to treat you
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  any better? I'm not going to treat you like
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  a prized possession. You're just a possession means
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  to an end that narcissistic supply.
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  Anyways, y'all think I've arrived with me today?
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  On this Sunday, hit the subscribe button if you haven't
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  already. Everything available, coaching
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  courses, everything is available at mentalillness.net.
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  I will see y'all later. Peace.
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  What's going on? Beautiful folks.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, hit that subscribe button.
• 15:13
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
• 15:16
  It really does help the channel y'all, y'all?
• 15:18
  It helps me reach more people as well.
• 15:19
  Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 15:23
  at www.mentalhillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 15:26
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 15:28
  I appreciate it. I'm out.