Latest / The Bold Lounge / Antonia Bowring: Motivation Mastery- Fueling Your Bold Future

Transcript

Antonia Bowring: Motivation Mastery- Fueling Your Bold Future · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Lee Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or douse along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Today I have Antonia Bowring, who is a highly credentialed Top New York executive coach who works with founders, C-suite executives and leadership teams.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: One of Antonia's areas of expertise is helping neurodiverse leaders create the necessary scaffolding to leverage their gifts and maintain their focus.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: She's a frequent speaker to companies and groups on topics ranging from mindfulness, ADHD in the workplace and communication best practices.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Her articles through the Forbes Coaches Council are widely read and the American Porter named her one of the 10 leadership coaches to watch in 2022.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Her most recent book, Coach Yourself Increased Awareness, Change, Behavior and Thrive, which we're going to talk about today, offers a practical framework exploring the power of performance coaching to become the best version of yourself.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Welcome, Antonia Hi Lee, thanks for having me.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So I'm excited to jump into your definition of bold.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: What does bold look like in your world?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was thinking about this in preparation for today's conversation, and so this is what I think.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: For me, bold is about moving outside your comfort zone.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: It's definitely about taking risk, and there could be a clear goal, or it could be taking some risky moves outside of your comfort zone with a sense of adventure and actually not knowing what that final destination is.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: So I think of it as two ways you can move boldly towards a goal or boldly towards an adventure that unfolds.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Almost like an explorer right.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You're not really sure where you might end up, but you know you're going to take these first initial steps.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Start to figure it out.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Yes exactly, and I guess for me three words like bold, that there is definitely a sense of adventure, of seeking, of exploring to your point.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: There is thrill, I feel there's emotionality to it, and bold is big, okay.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: So adventure, big and thrill, okay.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: So when did you experience this definition of life?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: What's a memory or the first thing you remember being bold?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: You know, I went way back and I thought about the summer of my first year of college.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I myself and a friend we traveled to Israel.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: We, by the way, we're both race-catholic.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: But we had this very influential high school teacher who had lost many relatives in the Holocaust and he talked a lot about the Holocaust and the Second World War and it made this huge impression on me.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: And we both traveled to Israel to work on a kibbutz.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: And why that felt bold is two reasons.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: One, I saved up all the money.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: So I did it totally independently.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: My parents couldn't really say no because it was all my own money.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: So there was this kind of fierce independence that to me, somehow links to bold, and that money is an important, can be an important source of that financial independence.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: And secondly, I realized, thinking about this example, that travel I didn't know it then, but travel has been a way for me to take bold moves, for me to gain confidence, for me to really develop a mindset of kind of being a citizen of the world.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: And yeah, so both of those things came together in that decision to take what would really be my first big trip alone.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, what did you learn about yourself during that bold move that you made in early college?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: that I could rely on myself.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I think, very importantly, that I had the wherewithal to like just figure out how to get from here to there in a country that didn't necessarily speak my language, and I think there isn't a lot of confidence that can be built just by through kind of figuring things out like that.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: And secondly, I also realized something that's been quite important to me in my life that I have the skill set and maybe it's a, maybe I would today call it emotional intelligence.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Back then I certainly wouldn't have to go into a new culture and to find common points of connection and to sort of integrate myself and feel at home.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Those are great skills to have and to learn early on that we have them right.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I think emotional intelligence is one of, I think, the greatest gifts a leader can have.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I think the other thing that you said is just being able to rely on yourself.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I think that's one of the most important things when people are making a bold move, to know that it's up to them, to know that you me, the best coaches in the world, cannot help someone move the needle unless they take those steps.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And I wondered in all your times, in the many women and men that you have coached, how do you help people kind of step into that self reliance and knowing that they're the ones that they can rely on?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: What some of your tips on that?
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I don't know if you did that on purpose, but that is like an a fantastic segue into one framework in my book.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let's talk about it.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Well, the headline here would be it's helping clients understand that they have agency right.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: And.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I want to also just say I don't mean toxic agency.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: You know, you, you can do anything.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Nothing can get me.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think we have to sort of hold that in parameters of of privilege and other things.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: But I have grown more and more through my coaching work to really believe in the power of agency and the framework I call it the actor spectator framework.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: And you know it's very normal that when something happens, there's a bump in the road that we look to externalize oh, this is happening to me, that it's their fault, it's the situation is doing it to me.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: And I I always want my clients, both for big situations but also day to day, like Okay, what's my role in this?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: What is, what is the agency I have?
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Because we always have it.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: And you know, if someone is working through something about career transition, I always like to remind them.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Well, in the full spectrum of options, one of them is you can leave right, like that is, you have that agency.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: And I think the most important, the most important piece I I try and bring up with clients is we control our thoughts.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: No one else does, no one else can do that.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: And.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I may choose with agency to stay in working for that manager you just talked about, who is not very skilled, but I reframe that as my choice.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I'm clear on why I'm doing it and I have parameters around it of what I will and won't accept.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: So because sometimes we have to remain in situations that we wouldn't necessarily desire to be in yeah, there's other things that play.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't definitely and you can't always just make the change that you want to today, but you can start making that plan right.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that's where folks don't realize whether they're making a bold move or whether they're actually kind of coaching themselves when they're actually thinking through like I don't, I know I want to leave, or I know I want to make a change in my health, or I know I want a different type of relationship with my best friend or my husband or my significant other, but I know I can't change it overnight.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I have to wait, I have to take the steps, but I think it's those steps that are most important in defining what those are.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: I think there's a, you know, when I talk about my framework, which we're in the oh, this is in the ownership kind of bucket, it really is a combination of agency, confidence and empowerment, and being empowered actually by yourself, you're enabling your own empowerment.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: So I think that that's something that really is really important for people wanting to make a change and then being able to kind of move forward, because, honestly, not many bold moves don't connect with something that you have to change or do differently, right, I think that's important for people as they kind of read through coach yourself as well.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Is this that there's most likely a change that they're looking for?
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: They've picked up the book for a reason, right, and so I think you know and you've basically created your frameworks and the connection in there.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: You know all together in the book.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: One of the things that you talk about is you propose a formula of increased awareness plus change.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Behavior equals flourishing individual and thriving work performance.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Can you tell me a little bit more about this formula and then how we apply it to our lives, yeah, so I'm gonna answer that a little bit round about, but it's all linked.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: All roads lead to the same thing.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I think it's very important.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: I think we get muddled as people around what's an intention, what's a goal and what's a habit, and to me they are very interconnected.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: So I think of, like first you need intentions.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: That's that big picture.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I want to be in great shape, Awesome, Fantastic, that is a big.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: That's a big, bold intention right From my perspective.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that doesn't really help me figure out how to get there.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: And there are a few sort of individuals who, just having big intentions, they actually can manifest into them right, but most people.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: We then need to go through the process of saying, okay, what are the goals that I want to link to my big intention?
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Right, my vision, my intention, and then what are the habits?
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: There's often habits that need to layer up into achieving those goals, and so for me I talk a lot with clients around you know, habits to goals, goals to intentions and not everybody needs all three, but a lot of us do.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say the majority of us probably do.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there are probably some unicorns out there that just need the intention and then they manifest that it happens.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know anybody honestly like that, and I'm not saying they don't exist, but I think a lot of us do better with the combination of understanding what we need to do and how we're going to measure it in small chunks on a regular basis to make sure we're working towards that big goal right, because it's overwhelming if we just have a big goal or we have a goal.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: That's what I think that leads to is being able to actually see that.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: So when we think about your formula, is that connected to these things as well?
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: So how I link that to the increase awareness, change behavior and thrive is you know, the starting point is this awareness about?
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: It could be about something I want to change about the way I lead or manage, or it could be an awareness about what is that intention?
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Right, but it's first.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: It's kind of inside, it's getting to know yourself and understanding what's important to you, and there's all kinds of different exercises and things.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: But that's the first piece.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: And for me, this increase awareness is going inside and knowing yourself, but also, importantly, getting others perspectives right and sort of getting as much as possible sort of a full view so that your awareness can be broader, can have a broader horizon.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: And then the change behavior is okay, I have that awareness, but now I need to put it into action.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: And what are, again, intentions, goals, habits, what are those changes and behaviors are things that people can see.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Right, awareness is in my head.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: I have an awareness that I can get distracted easily.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: That's an awareness in my head.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: The behavior I want to demonstrate is focus when I'm interacting with someone, right, and then the change behavior and thrive is just.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: That's where we see the progress, that's where we see the growth, that's where we see people leaning into who they want to be and what their purpose is.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: So when we think about that and we think about setting our intention to find your goals and then working on the habits that support that, measuring them and doing them in a way that is not overwhelming but is a step by step, I think one thing that are just in general in our society is we want instant gratification, we want it now, we want it yesterday.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: When you're working with a client, how do you help them continue to have the tenacity and focus on their goals when it's just like I need it yesterday?
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I think that's sometimes the hardest part, even for myself, when I'm working on a particular goal.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Some of the things I've done like today were goals three years ago.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: I know some goals I have today will come true three years from now.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I know Some will happen in the next six months.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't know.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: As you kind of work with so many clients, is there something that you think of to help people keep up their motivation or keep their focus, especially in a very distracted world?
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: that we live in.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, I had this conversation earlier this week about a little booklet I'm writing about planning and ADHD.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I was talking to this colleague who does a lot of work with ADHD folks as well.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: He was saying you know, antonia, everything in your book makes sense.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: The issue is how do we keep people motivated?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what you're saying.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: I think it's harder for neurodivergent folks sometimes, but let's talk generally.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: No, let's stop there for a second, because there is, I think, a prevalence of people either in later in their age or people in their fifties being told that they have ADHD and they didn't know they had it, or they've been managing it, or it's come on in a way that's now identifiable.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: So I think it'd be helpful to kind of tell us the difference when it comes to motivation.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it depends on how your ADHD shows up.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Are the characteristics of it milder or are they more interfering?
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: So how much is it interfering with your ability to get stuff done in your life?
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I think that is a big difference.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: I think, thematically they're similar issues like how do you stay motivated.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I think that someone who is neurodivergent and I speak specifically about ADHD because that's what I know there is what I like to say is there's like profound and practical issues.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: There are some deeply important issues you need to work on around reframing your narrative, letting go of shame, understanding your brain is wired different and so like something that's easy for you to do may not be easy for me to do, and just kind of having that awareness is a really, really important piece of coaching someone with ADHD.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: If you just go to how do we make sure you use your calendar?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: That's just part of it.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: It's also the mindset around.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: You got to be forgiving and you got to be educated on.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Like folks with ADHD, for example, even if you have the most perfect system and they use it, they'll get bored with it.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Generally speaking, you got to always be thinking how do I increase the shiny object?
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: You switch it up right, like as a coach, like what's the tool or the tip or how will you implement something, and really making it new and fresh.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Exactly Okay, exactly yeah.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: And then there is like, for example, let's just motivation.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: If you are neurotypical, you don't really need a body double to get stuff done, meaning someone who actually sits beside you and is just there sitting beside you as a way to hold you accountable.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: So that would be a way to motivate someone who's neurodivergent and it's a pretty effective tool.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: But in today's day and age, it becomes more feasible because we can do it virtually, but it's an expensive strategy.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: If you do it in real life, yeah, but to your point, it's really a degree of intensity, right, what is the ritual or routine, or scaffolding, but it can end up leading you to a very different solution.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: So when you're thinking about ADHD in leaders and I'm assuming, like folks that you have coached have had ADHD, as do I, yeah, so I think, in the sense of it does seem to me even as more people I'm engaging with oh, I was just diagnosed or I have this.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Do you think that's more because it's more accepted or it's something that can be talked about more openly now?
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: So first of all, it is highly, highly hereditary.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: You don't develop it at 20, right?
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: You see the signs of it, usually in early childhood.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: So if you're an adult diagnosis, what they'll do is ask you a lot of questions about your childhood.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: So that's one key piece.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, if the other key and also did uncles, aunts, parents, siblings, you know they would want to try and sort of put those pieces together to see if they could see those characteristics.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: But the other piece of it is it has a.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: It gets in your way I'm trying to be careful with my words across various domains of life.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: So if I can't focus at work but I'm totally able to focus and sort of display neurotypical tendencies at home and in community, that's not ADHD.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: That's like maybe I just hate my job, right, or I'm in the wrong job.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: You need to see the characteristics show up across different places.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: But to specifically answer your point, I think we're talking about it more.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I had it as a kid, but nobody used those words.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Now I look back and I'm like, oh okay, I was really smart, but I was in when I went to school.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I was in, there was the smart row, the middle row and the dumb row.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, gee Okay.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you were very clearly categorized.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I was always in the middle because I was very smart, but I couldn't sit still and I was much more interested in finishing it than doing it right and I just wanted to move on, and so I was very careless and sloppy and rushed.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, now we know why, but back then, so I actually funny I'm just going to go into this because, boy, I forgot about this we moved from one city to another when you were in elementary, or, yes, I was about 11.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: And until that point I thought I was average because I was in the middle and I moved.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I moved to another school in a different city, another Catholic school, and all of a sudden I was smart.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I don't exactly know why, maybe I don't know, maybe I had been in a very rigorous school and this one was less rigorous and I was further.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'll tell you changed my life.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: You had a fresh start right At a new place.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: A fresh start, yeah.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I was in my academic trajectory Straight as like, I became a top student.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Why do you think that was?
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Was it internal with you, in a way of like, wow, I am smart and so therefore I will act that way.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Do you think that was part of it?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, I do.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I had maybe a different comparison group and all of a sudden, and maybe like my reading, like obviously I was still very young, right, maybe some of my skills academic skills were further advanced just because I've been in a different school.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: That was maybe more rigorous.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think it was also like a fresh start and someone seeing you in a new light.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I think as adults, we need that honestly, you know, because I think, especially when someone's burned out, I think one of the things that can happen in a burnout situation or a toxic situation or we're getting gas lit in an organization is you may not realize how valuable, how smart, how your expertise and skill sets can be applied right.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: So I think I always like to extrapolate kind of our childhood learnings and things that we do.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like we could have these moments in adulthood as well.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: So true, and what I want to say there is just to build on that.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: You know one data point.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: You know one data point does not a trend create, even though management consultants always tell you when data point is a trend.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: But what happens in those like really desperate moments of burnout is we think it's us right and we think it's us and we aren't good, we aren't enough, we can't do it, we can't figure it out, we can't tough it out.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Exactly, yeah, and that's one data point of a whole life of success and resilience and accomplishment and all those things right, right, and we're going to go with one tough.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: That is where the ability to take that step back and reframe that in the long Journey of my life.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: This is a terrible moment, but it's not an indication of me and who I am Mm-hmm, and if there's a way to sort of take that bigger viewpoint, it can be so healing yeah there's a huge I even wrote a post about today around adaptability, which leads to resilience and, again, supported by a growth mindset.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I think those are really really good ingredients to have together.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: But when you're in those moments and we were just talking about motivation, attention and our habits it can throw us out of that, right?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, I was really on track and now this happened.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: And it could be job, it could be personal, it could be relational, I mean, it could be a myriad of things that can throw you off your tracks.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And for me, what I've noticed is I'm better at getting back on track and things happen to everyone.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Right, it's not like you and I don't have things that come up.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, everyone experiences them, although they might not all be on social media, you know so, but everyone's human.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: So everyone's having the human experience which is ups and downs, and so I think it's how fast you can get back Into that track to stay close to your goals Is really, really important.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: So when you're coaching someone, is there a kind of pivot back factor or something that's helpful or framework in your book that you would want books to be pointed to?
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, this is not so much a framework in my book, although I think you could link it to the values framework, but what I would say is this is when I'm gonna use this again.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: You know, what we're doing in life right is building our toolkit, and it's a toolkit that we we pull out different.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: We, you know, we don't pull out a hammer when we want to.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I don't even know the right words chisel something, or, you know, or screw in a screw, right, we use different tools, and so what we, what we want to do in in those moments that you're describing, is we want to be able to look back, and I do encourage this as an exercise to look at and and write down your successes and accomplishments and what that, what that felt like, because and it could also be something that didn't go well, but that you had a great learning.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and do it on a regular basis, right?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, people do it once and they think that's it.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: No exactly and you know year-end your beginning is a beautiful time To do that.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I, with all my clients, I have a kind of set of questions about looking back and looking forward to the next year.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: So you want to collect all that, because Every one of those are building blocks of your confidence, of your resilience, that you Want to be able to draw on right, that you, you want in your toolkit for when.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I need to connect with how successful I've been.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, double down on that.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, there's that list.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Wow, wow, man, I did a lot, but you're right, it's not a one-time exercise.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's, it's got to be I like to use the word more of a ritual.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: No, I like that, yeah.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: So, whether you do it monthly or quarterly or weekly, like we do it weekly because I think sometimes even we in the office, like we just get mired into kind of the day-to-day of like what's got to get done and all you know You're go-go going.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: And someone even asked me this, you know, this week about what I was excited about, what I had accomplished.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: It's Erin, it was a long pause and it was like I hadn't done it, so it was like it's definitely not clean, do so.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like so focused on what I haven't done I have forgot to.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: You know, really take in it, doesn't.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you got to take four hours to do it like.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Just Take 15 minutes, you know, and making part of your ritual.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I love that word of how it would be ritual of you as a person, as a leader, and just being able to use that as a tool for you and your team.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, in fact I am.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Am With two of my corporate clients doing exactly this exercise with their teams, and there's no Corporate agenda.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: This is like a gift of self-care.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I have them virtually for an hour.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: They all got the list of questions.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: We're gonna have 15 minutes to Do their own Writing and then I have how we're gonna share, both in pairs and as in a group, about what they feel great, about what they want to let go of and what their hopes and dreams are for 2024.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely something folks should listen to, increase and then also include in their processes around goal-setting and around their intentions and their habits.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: I think there's probably habits you've established You're excited about, probably so ones you're working on, and, of course, I think everyone's made progress on their goals Maybe some not as much as they had hoped.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: But also, celebrating the steps that you've made towards those goals it's just as important as celebrating the actual win, and sometimes we learn through our failures.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: A lot of the times I do.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's when we learn more.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think that's a success too.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I learned this did not work.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I learned I wasn't as focused I went off track here, but I got back on track.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: So I think those are things to include as well.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: That's a great point.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: That's a great point.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: It's not just accomplishments, well, it's the reframing of accomplishments, of Lessons learned, that build your confidence, that you, you integrate.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, integrate those lessons learned.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: You know, you're actually inspiring me, lee.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I think I am gonna post my reflection Like look back, look forward questions.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna put them on LinkedIn.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, I think everybody should do it.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, and we all have like a maybe a different flair to them, but I think yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: No, I think that would be great.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: As we close out, I just want to talk about individuals who may be resistant to change, and they come to you.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: You know, I've heard so many times from people I know what I have to do, but I'm not doing it.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: I know what I need to do, but I'm just not there.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I'm just not ready, I'm not sure.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: So what type of things would you think would be helpful to help someone Begin a change or begin to understand that they can't keep resisting change, to improve, to advance, to evolve?
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: Whichever one of those they're working on.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I've done a fair number of podcasts, but this point because of the book and I've not had this question and it's a very good one.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: So I believe that you have to find out you.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: You have to Dig in sort of furrow down with your client and sort of get to the essence of what's your intrinsic motivation.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: Now, there's intrinsic and extrinsic, right?
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: We know the difference.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: I'll just say intrinsic is why is this important to you?
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Where is that internal sense of wanting to change coming from?
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: And extrinsic is more something external.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: It could be what your boss thinks, or it could be to get a promotion, or it could be anything like that, making more money.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: But I think that is where I go, like, okay, but what's important to you and something that comes up a lot with people who are resistant to change is when you can help it be about.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Well, what kind of example do you want to set for your children Is a very powerful thing for a lot of people.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Who do you want them to see?
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: What do you want them to see that you stand for and how you show up?
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: But it's like there's no one way, right?
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Some people are super motivated to just learn and absorb, and those are, you know, dream coaching clients.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: But not everybody's like that.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: But at some level, lee, as you and I know, if you can't tap into that intrinsic, whatever it is, it's very hard to change.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: So someone who's kind of struggling with that, maybe begin to think about what intrinsically, what is internally motivating you to change, or note that you need to change and then keep going level by level with that.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: I think one example, like you said, what would you want your children to see and to know and to see you showing up as, and are you doing what you need to do, taking the steps towards that?
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: Or your parents or your loved one?
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: It could be you know someone who you really care about and obviously you care what they think.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: That can also help you, although that's external, but it can help you.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: It's kind of both right.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%, 100%.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: It can definitely take that inside of you.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: It was like, okay, you know, I want my daughter to see me healthy, I want my daughter to see me sticking to my word to myself, because sometimes we're really good at keeping our word to others but not to ourselves, and I'm speaking Totally, totally.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: That's definitely one of my challenges.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: So, like I want someone to see, I want someone to see me not give up when I'm not getting exactly what I want every single day right, we're not always going to see like, if you're thinking about losing weight, a pound a day.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: You might see the point too.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: You might go up point four, but you keep at it and I think that's the key, you know.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Just keep swimming from Dory, just keep going.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Consistency.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah and you know I didn't make this up James Clear's book Atomic Habits.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I think one of the most powerful things that I took away and that I really incorporate is you know, whether I drink four glasses of water or eight glasses of water, okay, that's a habit.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: That's not the point.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: It's not habits for habits sake, right.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: The question is really who do you want to be?
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Who do you want to grow up to be?
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: We do in our life is about helping us get to who do we want to be, and that is a lifelong journey.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you keep at it with consistency.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: So I love ending there with who do you want to be?
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: So everyone listening.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Think about that.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Please do check out the episode notes for tools, as well as Antonio's book Coach Yourself, and thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge today.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I am so happy to have had the opportunity.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others Through their unique and important story.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share their journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.