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EP 59 How God Changed My Life - Starla Ward · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:00
  It's one of those things where you think you have this vision of what you think, and then when the Lord brings you something, it's always better than we can ask or imagine, just like it says in the Word.
• 0:11
  Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word. I have my dear friend Starla Ward. Hi, thanks for having me. You know, we go back a whole, like, about two years worth, right? Yep, two years. Yeah, she is our makeup artist here. She is the one that makes us look wonderful. And so we are incredibly grateful for you. So thank you. I'm grateful for you.
• 0:34
  You know, one thing I learned when we are sitting at the chair and you're making us like all beautiful is you are very peaceful when you walk in. And so one of the things I learned is that it was great when you do that to keep us at peace and beautify us. But everyone has a story when we begin to begin to look at what goes behind us.
• 0:57
  you know, the pretty face, there's a deep, meaningful story that you have. And I was wanting you to share that with us. I would love to. Okay. I love bringing the calm and peaceful energy into the room. And I like making people feel calm and beautiful and have confidence.
• 1:18
  And that's why I do what I do, because I feel like this is the purpose that God gave me, is to make women feel beautiful, and not only on the outside, but from the inside out. And I get to do that. And sometimes now I even pray over women while they're in my chair, because I feel like it's more than just makeup. Wow.
• 1:39
  Because you never know the person sitting there what they're going through. They could be going through something that you don't even realize. And then when they're sitting there, I'm the one that even if it's just two words, I can make a difference.
• 1:53
  That's so true. Just saying two words to them to make them feel encouraged and maybe even witness to them if they're not a believer. So I've just really been super grateful the last few years of my career that I've been able to do that. Now, she does make up for a lot of brides. Yes. A lot. About 57 a year. Wow.
• 2:17
  That's a lot of brides. And I'm sure it's a few more besides just the main brides, right? Yes. Okay. Mothers of brides, bridesmaids, maids of honor. Wow. All of the bridal party. And it's always a fun day. And I love it. Well, okay. So tell me more about you and your journey. What God has been doing? Because really, we want to hear the stories about how God has helped you through prayer and His Word and what He's been doing in the last years.
• 2:46
  So a little bit about my testimony would be I, for a time, I would say it was about eight years ago, maybe nine now. I can't keep up because time flies. Yes. And 2020 didn't count, right? Oh, we ignore that year. So I would say 10 years ago, I was...
• 3:07
  deciding to run away from the Lord a bit. And I was going to do my own thing and try to just do life without following him. And I was like, you know, I'm just going to do this. And I'm just doing my own thing. And just kind of, you know, I knew the Lord. I was a Christian. I just was like, I'm just going to do my own thing for a while.
• 3:27
  and raised in church my entire life, went to Christian school, all the things, raised in a Christian home. And I was like, I'm just, it's time. I'm going to do my own thing and just see what it's like. I'm just going to try the world for a while.
• 3:39
  And I felt like I would be in my job that I was at, and there would just be little signs. There would be somebody would show up and say something to me, and it was the Holy Spirit working through them, just planting little seeds here and there. And the Lord was still chasing after me, even though I was going out doing things I shouldn't be. I was in a really abusive relationship with a guy who I...
• 4:07
  I felt like I was trying to save him the whole relationship. And I was starting to lose who I was. And... So was that the beginning? Like, do you find when you said, I was making a choice to do my own thing versus following God's direction? Was there something that a pinpoint moment where you decided, I want to have fun or I...
• 4:34
  Yeah, I was like, I just want to have fun. And I just want to see what all these people I work with are doing. They just go out every night and they party all the time. And it seems like they're having fun. And I was just like, I'm just going to go date a bunch of different people and, you know, do all these things that everybody else was doing because they seemed like they were really happy and, you know, likable. And I wanted to be liked more, I felt like, because I wanted to just fit in.
• 5:02
  So was that working for you when you found that you wanted to see what looked like a happier moment for them? When you started to emulate what they were doing, did you find it was bringing you the joy that you thought you saw that they had? It was bringing me more depression and sadness. And I felt like this seemed like the cool thing to do at the time.
• 5:26
  But it just got me into more and more of a low place in my life where I was finally to the point when I was in a bad relationship with a guy who was a nonbeliever. And I was, you know, wanting to pray him to the right way to the Lord. I was like, eventually he'll come to the Lord, you know, and then we'll just do this thing together and everything's going to be great. Right. Because we're supposed to be together because I just loved this guy so much.
• 5:56
  And I felt like I had lost myself and started becoming to the low place he was at. So instead of elevating him to the place where you wanted him to go. He was basically drowning me versus me while I was trying to save him. And I didn't realize it until I looked back later on when I was in a different place where I had seen...
• 6:21
  had started seeking the Lord again. And I got an apartment by myself. And because before I was living with someone, and I decided I was going to get an apartment by myself and just get back on track and follow the Lord again. And I remember the moment that I was driving to my apartment
• 6:41
  And I was just talking to the Lord and I'm like, I'm so done with this life. Like I am, I'm going to fully surrender to you again. Because I knew at that point, I remember driving and just thinking like, I'm done with this.
• 6:56
  I know that I need to trust you. And it's so close. I know that I need to because I know you're there because you keep showing up. And he would bring women to get their makeup done at the counter I was working at to give me encouraging words, to say things. Even when I didn't have enough money, a lady came by and she said, I didn't see you the first time that I came by. Right.
• 7:20
  But then the Holy Spirit told me to walk by again. And I saw you and you were working. And I'm like, I'm supposed to give it to her. And it was the exact amount of money I needed to pay a bill that I was praying about. Now, look at the difference. When we pray, when I'm hearing you, when you were praying for that guy to line up and to elevate,
• 7:42
  It's not like that God heard, didn't seem as though God heard that prayer, but yet somehow you got away from that relationship. So God was hearing your prayer. It was just the answer was not what you anticipated. Exactly. And yet he's always hearing our prayers. And that's what I think is really interesting, too, when I'm hearing your story is...
• 8:02
  We don't, we look with such a close up, you know, look at our prayers and we anticipate what we believe God wants us to believe in here. But that's not necessarily, he knows what's for our good. And listening, when you were talking about those desperate cries out to God, he was hearing you and he was literally bringing people into your pathway, literally, to help meet your needs. I think it's beautiful how God has answered those prayers. Yeah.
• 8:30
  So what else was happening in that process as you were seeking God? Then I knew at the time of being at that job I was at, I knew I needed to leave that job. And it was a huge step of faith for me to leave the job because I would be taking a pay cut and minimizing my hours and trying to start out doing freelance makeup like I'm doing now with you and weddings and all that on my own, which was very scary. But I felt like it was another step of faith that the Lord wanted me to take.
• 8:58
  And so when I finally stepped out and I was like, OK, I'm going to do this, I started working at a medical spa. And the owner ended up being a spiritual mentor to me. She was an ordained minister, and she was sewing so much of the Lord and scriptures and cards she would write me. She was sewing into me at that job. And I met my husband through working at this job of taking that step. Great job. Yeah.
• 9:25
  And she, my boss, who was my like spiritual mother after this, ended up marrying me and my husband. Wow. And giving us counseling and all the things. And it was just like just one, that one step I needed to take, I knew I needed to take. And God had everything lined out for me. It was just sometimes you have to take the step that seems scary because he wants us to sometimes be uncomfortable with.
• 9:52
  because he's going to grow us. And I felt like that was like a growing position for me to be like in a spot of the unknown. But I knew that he had the best for me if I just take that step of leaving a job that I was comfortable in for seven years.
• 10:09
  Wow. And so I did that. And then just everything started lining up and into place. And the Lord was there throughout all of it. And even though I was at the other job that I didn't think I needed to be at for a while, it took me a long time to quit there. He still gave me people that I still speak to to this day. Yeah.
• 10:31
  um, that are in my life because they were all God divine appointments. Little did I know that they were at the time because I wasn't in his, you know, as much in his will then, but he was still there behind it all, you know, waiting for me to meet him where I was. He always meets us where we are. Right. And so he was just waiting for me to ask. Right.
• 10:54
  Or to just say, hey, Lord, I'm ready to be what you want me to be and be in my purpose again. And it was just—it was—
• 11:05
  It was just a surreal moment to know that no matter what, he's always going to be there. And it's it is a still small voice, you know, and where you have a faith walk. He requires us to have faith, to trust him in that. But sometimes when he brings somebody physically, tangibly in our lives, it's so much better to like, oh, like you are listening to my needs. And even when we don't, you know, sometimes we don't even pray those needs.
• 11:33
  Like when you get an answer, you're like, I don't think I prayed for that. But he actually goes ahead of us. You know, he talks about how he directs our path. That he knew what you would need even before sometimes when we ask it. Like what has God been doing in your life where he got your attention? Because you were going your pathway. What has it caused you to go back to the Lord? Right.
• 11:56
  One of the main moments that I remember going back is a girl I was hanging out with when I was at my job that I wanted to leave. She worked there with me, and we hung out a lot. And she gave me this book, and it was called Captivating. It was a Christian book. And a girl that was a nonbeliever gave it to me when I was in that bad relationship. Wow. And I read it, and it was talking about
• 12:23
  how we need to be captivating and how the Lord sees us is how whoever we're going to be with, like if you seek a man's approval, right? And so we need to actually be captivating as we're captivating to the Lord and how He sees us is how a man should see us. And so it changed my perspective of how I was being seen by the terrible relationship I was in because I wasn't being seen that way.
• 12:51
  And so it flipped the switch of how I was being seen and how I knew that what the Lord had for me was somebody that was going to see me through the Lord's eyes, how they would see me and be captivating in that way and putting the Lord first.
• 13:07
  In their life. That's, you know, that's interesting because when you talk about you were in an abusive relationship before. Right. You know, that's not necessarily the plans or I've heard stories of women when you get into a bad relationship. You almost perpetuate and you continue in the bad pathway, not knowing.
• 13:23
  how to get out of those relationships. Right. You know, and for me to hear how God is orchestrating you to get into a relationship that would be healthy and you wouldn't be caught up in that identifier because you probably didn't think a whole lot of yourself back in those days because you were accepting the bad behavior against you. Exactly. And yet, what was it do you feel like was taking what was going on in your mind and
• 13:49
  that change from how you accepted the bad behavior to what you wanted to look for? Like, how did you see yourself?
• 13:57
  I realized that the Lord loves us so much. He intricately weaves us together to be this person of purpose and beauty. And it's all about your heart position. And at the time, I feel like I was trying to find something in someone else versus actually like loving myself the way the Lord saw me. Like I needed to love myself first. Yeah.
• 14:25
  And I was too busy trying to love someone else and give them even what I felt about myself. Because I didn't, you know, it almost took my love for myself away. Because I was trying to love somebody else to where I wanted them to be when they were never going to be there. Because the Lord would have to do that. And I can't do that. You know, that's not my job. How did you break away from that? Yeah.
• 14:50
  the book that my friend gave me. So was that book that actually caused you to change? I read that, and then it changed my perspective of how I felt about myself and how the Lord felt about me. And I knew that the Lord felt that way about me, but until I started reading that book, I started feeling that peace and that love, and I knew who I was in the Lord again. Okay.
• 15:12
  And then when I changed my job and I started dating again and the girls at my new job started asking me about dating someone and I didn't want to, I was like, I don't think so. I don't think so. Not right now. I was just wanting to just pursue my relationship with the Lord. And so I started talking to my husband a little bit over like Facebook Messenger or something. Okay.
• 15:36
  And he was talking to me and I was like, he seems nice. But then one of the first questions I asked him whenever we were dating was, are you on fire for the Lord? Do you have a relationship with him? And are you seeking him first? Because if you're not, then I don't think this is ever going to work out.
• 15:52
  Wow. And so the fact that I had the courage to ask him that, I was like, you know, if if I can ask someone that and if they tell me that they are on fire and I see it in them, then I'll think about it. Yeah.
• 16:07
  You know, it's interesting because of what God did to transform and change your whole perspective. I mean, God has all kinds of ways in which he wants to readjust our thinking so that we can identify how much value he has in us. And I love how it literally shifted you quickly.
• 16:27
  No, I don't think that's everybody's story, though. I mean, like because people get into almost like an addictive type of pathway. And that's huge that you were able to understand what he was trying to tell you. Yes. And I feel like there were just many people that were brought into my path that he just gave me all these different divine appointments of people who were there for me during the hard times, during my bad relationship, encouraging me and.
• 16:55
  It just kept happening over and over and over. It was like the Lord just kept saying, okay, here's another sign. You just need to be listening. That's huge. I mean, when you think about... So if you think about the many times that you have somebody...
• 17:14
  In a chair and you're talking to it. And I'm so grateful when I hear like you're like, I pray into their life. I mean, those are anointed chairs at that point. You know, when you're working to make someone beautiful, but you have the opportunity to speak into their life and to pray blessings into their life. But how God was doing that for you by various people coming into your pathway.
• 17:37
  I just think that is how the body of Christ is supposed to be, that we would be the hands and feet of Jesus, that we would— when you talked about small voice, you feel that prompting. The small voice that sometimes we overlook it because we're praying so much and we're in a want, want, want, where we're like praying and we're praying and we're praying and we feel like we don't get an answer. And then sometimes if we're just quiet—
• 18:04
  And we're not distracted sometimes by our wants over what we're actually praying. Okay, Lord, bring me what I need versus what I think I want. And I didn't realize that until I met my husband. And he has many things I prayed for on my list I had. But I kind of X-made my list for a while where I was like, well, I don't even know if it's going to be exactly my list.
• 18:34
  I, I, you know, he knows our heart's desire and he knew my heart's desire. So I finally, you know, when I met my husband, I thought the Lord knew what I needed versus what I wanted. And, um, he is definitely not what I expected, but he's what I needed. And there's things about him that I need in my life that I didn't even know I needed until I married him.
• 19:00
  That's that's and so it's one of those things where you think you have this this vision of what you think. And then when the Lord brings you something, it's always better than we can ask or imagine, just like it says in the word. That's so good. So what would you want to share with someone? Just something that helps people that maybe they've been into a place or maybe they're right now or even caught. They've they moved away from God because they thought it was happier somewhere else or doing something that would bring happiness.
• 19:30
  what would you want to tell them that maybe they need to come back and know that God is hearing them and his desire for them is for good, that they would have joy?
• 19:41
  I would say that the last two years, the word that's really come up in me lately is surrender. And I feel like sometimes we don't want to surrender fully to Him. We just want to surrender part of ourselves. But then whenever you fully surrender and you're almost to the point of desperation, like that's the love of Jesus is like, He's so desperate for us.
• 20:08
  Like He wants us to be so desperate for Him that that's all we want is His love to just come over us. And He has the best plan and the best things for us. Like every little small detail of life, He cares about us that much.
• 20:27
  And so that's what I would say is just fully surrendering to Him, not partially, but fully, because you are going to have so many blessings in your life if you just fully surrender. And sometimes it may seem crazy what He wants us to do, but if we do it, He has so many blessings and they just keep coming.
• 20:52
  So that's what I would say. That was powerful. You said it so well. You know, I'm so grateful that you were bold enough to share your story because we want you to know, too, the same way as Starla. She went and tried the other other things that looked like it was greener on the other side, but the grass wasn't so green.
• 21:08
  And it really brought depression and heartache and into an abusive relationship. But God was watching out for her. And God hears the prayers of us. Even when it doesn't appear that he's listening, he's actually giving us exactly what we need and necessarily what we want.
• 21:26
  So it's just a powerful message. And so we hope that you will just connect with us. If we can also pray into your lives and encourage you, we would like to do that. You can go to iRefresh.net and we'd love to see what we can do to inspire you to know that the power of prayer and God's word and using women like this, like Starla, to inspire you to look to God because he's really talking to us every day if we'll listen. Thank you.