Latest / The Baller Alert Show / Big Kayla On Why Black Men NEED Therapy + Men's Mental Health, Fatherhood & Finding Peace

Transcript

Big Kayla On Why Black Men NEED Therapy + Men's Mental Health, Fatherhood & Finding Peace · The Baller Alert Show

0:00
Speaker 1: What's up y'all. As your girl Big Kayla, I am
0:02
Speaker 1: the owner of the Big Energy Room. Man, we are
0:04
Speaker 1: safe face for a safe conversation y'all. Make sure y'all
0:07
Speaker 1: check us out on the Big Facts Network under the
0:09
Speaker 1: Big Energy Room podcast play least. You can find me
0:12
Speaker 1: on social media at Big Kayla, Inc. Or The Big
0:15
Speaker 1: Energy Room. I encourage y'all follow like in. We're doing
0:19
Speaker 1: the prayers, were doing the positivity. We pushing nothing but
0:22
Speaker 1: that big energy. So y'all catch me next up on.
0:25
Speaker 2: The Baller Push up in the Robbert with a Robbert
0:28
Speaker 2: and you know BT and you Chrish, you do like me.
0:30
Speaker 3: Mental health chat? Talk to me?
0:32
Speaker 2: Somebody got you fed up? Call and get it off
0:35
Speaker 2: your mind. Catch us in the A turn us up
0:37
Speaker 2: while you in traffic sline. Welcome to the greatest show
0:40
Speaker 2: on Earth. Yeah it's the bottle of Alert. Yeah it's
0:43
Speaker 2: the bottle of Alert. Yeah it's a bottle of alert.
0:46
Speaker 2: Welcome to the greatest show on Nerve. Yet it's the
0:48
Speaker 2: Baller Alert. Yeah it's the Baller Alert. Yeah it's the
0:51
Speaker 2: Baller Alert.
0:54
Speaker 4: Wow. Broadcast alive from the Nege Law Firm Studios working
0:59
Speaker 4: to the Baller Show my name is I go by
1:01
Speaker 4: the name you know.
1:01
Speaker 1: BT, and this is be Caleb energy.
1:08
Speaker 3: What's up?
1:08
Speaker 5: Game?
1:09
Speaker 3: What's up?
1:09
Speaker 1: How are y'all? Are your spirit?
1:11
Speaker 4: Gre She does lead the text thread with that, how
1:14
Speaker 4: you doing, king?
1:15
Speaker 3: How's your spirit today?
1:17
Speaker 1: You want to know what? Though? That's a very much
1:20
Speaker 1: of comment that I get from me in particular, I
1:22
Speaker 1: never really realized it was a big deal. But me
1:25
Speaker 1: don't get asked stuff like that. Never.
1:27
Speaker 3: Nobody cares about us. Talked about BT.
1:32
Speaker 4: She talked about doing content with us right, and then
1:35
Speaker 4: she was like, but by the way, my bad, how's
1:37
Speaker 4: your spirit today?
1:37
Speaker 3: How are you feeling?
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Speaker 4: To that, I was like, uh this kayla okay. I
1:43
Speaker 4: ain't even replied the first time she was like, hey,
1:46
Speaker 4: how you doing?
1:47
Speaker 3: I'm just making sure you're good? Okay?
1:51
Speaker 1: You know what mean the energy? Man, it's the spirit
1:53
Speaker 1: like you gotta make sure we're.
1:56
Speaker 3: Just not getting that.
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Speaker 5: We don't get ask how you know, how is our spirit?
2:01
Speaker 1: Like?
2:01
Speaker 3: You know how we feel? Like my wife She was
2:02
Speaker 3: the first woman to ever.
2:03
Speaker 4: Do that period, So it was just weird hearing it
2:06
Speaker 4: from music and I was like, wait, you're my friend, okay.
2:10
Speaker 1: So it's giving wife energy?
2:13
Speaker 4: No, it was just I've just never heard that outside
2:19
Speaker 4: of my wife before and my mama.
2:21
Speaker 3: My mama don't count. I know she really means that,
2:25
Speaker 3: you know.
2:25
Speaker 4: I saw the thing I saw give a damn. I
2:30
Speaker 4: saw the Steve Harvey clip going around, and he was
2:32
Speaker 4: just like, there's not another man on the planet that
2:35
Speaker 4: wants you to be better than him than your father.
2:38
Speaker 3: Did you see that?
2:40
Speaker 4: He was like, there's not another man on planet like.
2:43
Speaker 4: I love you, though, but I don't want you to
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Speaker 4: be better than me.
2:46
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
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Speaker 4: I just felt that that was almost similar, even on
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Speaker 4: the the different species. Like a woman like the reason
2:53
Speaker 4: why Tanisia has my eyes like my eyes don't wander.
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Speaker 4: I know for a fact she truly cares about me
3:03
Speaker 4: and wonders if I'm okay. That's the only time I
3:07
Speaker 4: felt that way since my mama. And I'm not trying
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Speaker 4: to compare her to my mom because I have a
3:12
Speaker 4: romance with.
3:12
Speaker 5: Her, but that's that's most of the type of women
3:16
Speaker 5: that a man wants to marry.
3:19
Speaker 3: Now has that type of energy.
3:21
Speaker 4: So that was nice hearing it from you from a
3:23
Speaker 4: friendship level, because you was just checking on my mental
3:26
Speaker 4: and I was like Oh yeah, I'm good.
3:28
Speaker 1: Dang. I appreciate asking us for shit. I appreciate that though,
3:32
Speaker 1: because that's validating because I just do it because that's
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Speaker 1: my essence, Like that's why I am. And I think
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Speaker 1: I really learned that from just being around my pops.
3:40
Speaker 1: And that's similar capacity the man you know, man daughter
3:44
Speaker 1: relationship and the you know, woman's son relationship. Like that's
3:47
Speaker 1: been pivotal in the way that I carry myself when
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Speaker 1: it comes to men, even though the reason why I'm
3:51
Speaker 1: so well spoken, and I think why I have that
3:54
Speaker 1: essence with men and that energy where it seems relatable,
3:57
Speaker 1: Like I did an interview last week in scriptus man
4:00
Speaker 1: like yeah, he was like, you're the shout out to him.
4:03
Speaker 1: By the way, we had an excellent conversation we drop
4:05
Speaker 1: on a Sunday. Yeah, big energy room. Yes, and so
4:11
Speaker 1: my focus is black men in therapy, and so he
4:13
Speaker 1: was asking me like what made you want to get
4:15
Speaker 1: into that room? And I was like, to be honest,
4:17
Speaker 1: talking to my pops and realizing how much of that
4:20
Speaker 1: he never got, you know, and just it's like just
4:24
Speaker 1: are you okay? Like, and I would watch him do
4:26
Speaker 1: it with everyone because he's like big energy, you know,
4:29
Speaker 1: like he works with kids in the school systems. He
4:32
Speaker 1: was the director of the Boys and Girls club, and
4:33
Speaker 1: like just even the women, like women will always come
4:36
Speaker 1: to him for advice. But what I noticed is that
4:39
Speaker 1: he was such a light and was pouring from such
4:41
Speaker 1: a you know, a full cup all the time. But
4:44
Speaker 1: I paid attention to the amount of people that were
4:46
Speaker 1: replenishing him. And so what I realized is is like
4:49
Speaker 1: even in our intimate conversations, that's when I learned the
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Speaker 1: most lessons just about men and the way you guys
4:54
Speaker 1: process emotion, the way that you handle like executing after
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Speaker 1: problems happened, you know, in comparison to women, and so
5:01
Speaker 1: like talking to him, it made me realize, like, damn,
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Speaker 1: there's really a deficit for that, Like and men don't
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Speaker 1: really have a safe space. And I know it's not
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Speaker 1: not really And it's like I just want to be
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Speaker 1: a person who creates that. I don't want to be
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Speaker 1: a person who speaks into that, pours into that because
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Speaker 1: from my ecosystem of just the way that I carry
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Speaker 1: a man, like, you know, the man is the head
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Speaker 1: of the household. And so like if we're talking about
5:25
Speaker 1: like systemically, like how you know, a black man is
5:28
Speaker 1: being targeted, you know, like and the lack of opportunities
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Speaker 1: and the comparison to you know, others said racist, Like
5:33
Speaker 1: we don't want to view ourselves as being that disadvantage.
5:36
Speaker 1: But the fact of the matter is is that exists.
5:38
Speaker 1: And so for me, it was like, you got to
5:41
Speaker 1: start with that in order to fix all the other
5:43
Speaker 1: problems that fall under that. You know, you got to
5:45
Speaker 1: bring him back to the head. How do you do that?
5:48
Speaker 1: You are there to support his head. You got to
5:50
Speaker 1: be there to support his emotions, to help him think better.
5:53
Speaker 1: Like it's women we want this man to be like
5:55
Speaker 1: and I'm not even trying to be the one who
5:57
Speaker 1: sounds like all poor man, but I just know the value.
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Speaker 3: Of But why why is there an issue to be
6:02
Speaker 3: pro man? Why is there an issue to be pro women?
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Speaker 3: That it shouldn't It shouldn't be an issue.
6:06
Speaker 5: But I don't understand this whole dynamic on the internet
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Speaker 5: was making men go against women, women go against men
6:14
Speaker 5: because we all need each other at.
6:16
Speaker 4: The end of the day, it's all communication. You said
6:19
Speaker 4: something profound about head of household, right.
6:23
Speaker 3: And who said that it can't be a co ed situation?
6:25
Speaker 3: It can't be.
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Speaker 4: Two captains to the household. I'm in a household where
6:31
Speaker 4: I'm not the head of the household. It's a cold
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Speaker 4: ed situation. My wife's a captain in a particular area.
6:39
Speaker 4: I'm a captain in a particular area, you know.
6:41
Speaker 3: What I'm saying. And then in certain areas where captains together.
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Speaker 5: But y'all both know each other's strengths and weaknesses, and
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Speaker 5: a lot of couples don't.
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Speaker 3: But I don't think people try, of course not.
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Speaker 4: And that's a big problem that we're having in the
6:55
Speaker 4: relationship space.
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Speaker 3: And I feel like social media makes it worse.
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Speaker 4: You can literally see what you want and be like, Okay,
7:03
Speaker 4: that's better than this, yeah, but.
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Speaker 3: Then you realize when you get over there, it's not better.
7:09
Speaker 3: It's the same, worse or why did I do that?
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that there's more competition that's pushed instead
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Speaker 1: of collaboration. And for me, that's the gap that I
7:20
Speaker 1: would love to assist with bridging because the lack of
7:24
Speaker 1: communication comes from that competitive spirit, like it's like, oh,
7:28
Speaker 1: I'm bigger, then you're bigger. You're not doing this, you're
7:30
Speaker 1: not doing this. It's not really an effort, like even
7:32
Speaker 1: in my relationships as I'm Danna, I'm learned to be
7:34
Speaker 1: more proactive of like what can I do better? Like
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Speaker 1: let me start with me first, Like you know, they
7:40
Speaker 1: like to kick it like women are not accountable, Like
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Speaker 1: I would love to be the person who's like, hey,
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Speaker 1: that ain't me, Like I love to start with myself.
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Speaker 1: I love to do the mirror work because it's so important.
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Speaker 1: I learned so many lessons when it's just me and God,
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Speaker 1: when I just talk to Him and I work through.
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Speaker 1: Like even for me, I struggle with consistency sometimes, Like
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Speaker 1: I'm a very emotional person. I'm aware of that and
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Speaker 1: self aware that it's like I might not get the
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Speaker 1: answers from everybody else, so let me go to God
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Speaker 1: with it. Let me talk about it, like, hey, look,
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Speaker 1: I have a lack here and God is a filler relax,
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Speaker 1: so let me go to him, like help me be
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Speaker 1: more consistent.
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Speaker 4: Thank you for saying that number one. Number two, I'll
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Speaker 4: admit mine right now. Mine is tone, Like my.
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Speaker 3: Tone could be very off.
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Speaker 4: But sometimes it's like when I'm having a like today
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Speaker 4: has been a very theatrical day for me, Like I
8:25
Speaker 4: literally like I had to literally explain to my mom
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Speaker 4: because my mom was.
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Speaker 3: Like, hey, I called you a couple of times.
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Speaker 4: I was like, Mom, I woke up at first of all,
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Speaker 4: I went to bed at too, woke up at five thirty,
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Speaker 4: got my daughter's ready, put them in the car, took
8:36
Speaker 4: one to day care, took one to school, Joe straight
8:39
Speaker 4: to work, had to do some stuff with our job,
8:41
Speaker 4: went to the to the dentist, came straight back here
8:44
Speaker 4: and this.
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Speaker 3: Is We're on our fourth interview. I've done like fifteen things.
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Speaker 4: And I know you called me a couple of times,
8:51
Speaker 4: but I just don't have time to talk.
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Speaker 3: Are you okay? Is everything good?
8:55
Speaker 4: But I have to be mindful of my tone, even
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Speaker 4: with my wife, even when you or whoever, because sometimes
9:02
Speaker 4: my tone could be how I'm actually feeling, but it's
9:04
Speaker 4: not directed towards you. I'm just I'm just over stimulated. Yeah,
9:10
Speaker 4: I'm over stimulated, So like motherfucker, I won't lie that.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's good that you know that though you
9:19
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying.
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Speaker 3: You gotta know I learned that through therapy.
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Speaker 4: Come on, Oh, I love that I'm a better person
9:26
Speaker 4: from my wife and therapy.
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Speaker 3: She looks like a therapist too.
9:31
Speaker 4: But then you know we bump as when she tried
9:32
Speaker 4: to diagnose me in the middle of an argument. I
9:34
Speaker 4: don't want to be diagnosed. I don't want you to
9:36
Speaker 4: be a therapist when we're when we're talking about how
9:39
Speaker 4: I know you're wrong, but I want to be wrong
9:41
Speaker 4: now because when dealing with your.
9:44
Speaker 1: Species, just give me a second.
9:46
Speaker 3: To give me a second. I think every man give
9:49
Speaker 3: me a second. Okay, I'm just give me a second.
9:58
Speaker 3: That don't work. Just give me a second.
9:59
Speaker 1: I'm trying, and people are scared of me. Honestly, communication
10:06
Speaker 1: has gotten better with me and women to men, men
10:09
Speaker 1: and women like because I learned like even though I
10:12
Speaker 1: may be prepared to have a conress, I'm very well spoken,
10:14
Speaker 1: I analyze things quickly, like I've taken so much time
10:18
Speaker 1: to talk to people and learn like I thrive in
10:20
Speaker 1: that environment. So what I realize is is not that
10:23
Speaker 1: people don't want to have a conversation. Sometimes they're not equipped,
10:27
Speaker 1: they're not in the right space energy wise, like they
10:29
Speaker 1: don't have the right words, and talking to me might
10:31
Speaker 1: be a little intimidating. So like even in dating, like
10:34
Speaker 1: I be ready, I had to learn to put the pause,
10:37
Speaker 1: like and just give people the space, and I was
10:39
Speaker 1: told that before, and you know, it came off and
10:41
Speaker 1: it was told, what that give me some time. It's
10:47
Speaker 1: not that I don't want to talk about it, you
10:49
Speaker 1: know what I mean, But it's just that I'm not
10:50
Speaker 1: ready to talk right now. But that that wasn't articulated
10:53
Speaker 1: like that. I was like, I don't want to talk
10:54
Speaker 1: about it, so you know, you take that as like
10:57
Speaker 1: that's a lack of desire for the communication. And so
10:59
Speaker 1: I was talking to my pops and he broke it
11:01
Speaker 1: down to me. He was like, when a man says that,
11:03
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to understand his why. Sometimes it's because
11:07
Speaker 1: he knows that you have taken time for you to
11:09
Speaker 1: dissect this before you even opened your mouth. He has not,
11:13
Speaker 1: so you might be bringing something to his attention, and
11:15
Speaker 1: instead of saying the wrong thing, he might be doing
11:18
Speaker 1: you a favor by putting that audible no. Because even
11:23
Speaker 1: when you just said tone, that's what resonated with me
11:25
Speaker 1: because it's like, that's true.
11:27
Speaker 5: We're all toned, yeah, and men we put The thing
11:31
Speaker 5: that I noticed about women is that women y'all could.
11:35
Speaker 4: Like emotionally dissect.
11:38
Speaker 3: And stuff like quicker than a man.
11:40
Speaker 5: We gotta be like, oh, let me deal with work,
11:43
Speaker 5: and then after I get done with work, let me
11:45
Speaker 5: now let me do say. Women, y'all have already went
11:47
Speaker 5: through the process of you know what's going on, and
11:50
Speaker 5: men were like, I don't even know what's going on
11:52
Speaker 5: yet with my emotions, so let me let me take
11:55
Speaker 5: some time out and then now I can talk. And
11:57
Speaker 5: that's that's what I learned. The therapy is, well, it's like,
12:01
Speaker 5: take your time, and sometimes you got to be selfish
12:04
Speaker 5: so you can make the right decisions. Because men, we
12:07
Speaker 5: don't have that same intellect of being like, okay, I
12:11
Speaker 5: can dive into my emotions right now.
12:12
Speaker 3: We're like, no, we got to.
12:14
Speaker 5: Decompress a little bit and get that weight off our
12:17
Speaker 5: shoulder where were carrying all day.
12:19
Speaker 3: And then now it's.
12:19
Speaker 5: Like, okay, now I'm in a space to think about
12:22
Speaker 5: my emotions.
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Speaker 4: I feel through therapy it has created me to be
12:26
Speaker 4: a better husband and a better father because now I
12:30
Speaker 4: do things with my kids and have conversations with my
12:33
Speaker 4: kids that I didn't my older kids. I have two
12:35
Speaker 4: sex kids, I got two older kids. I got three
12:37
Speaker 4: older kids and two younger kids. My older kids got
12:41
Speaker 4: a very bad version of me when they were younger
12:44
Speaker 4: because I wasn't healed. I wasn't I didn't give a
12:46
Speaker 4: fuck about nothing. But my younger kids got My younger
12:50
Speaker 4: kids now they have the best version of me. I'm
12:53
Speaker 4: very attentive, I'm very thoughtful. I ask them how they're feeling,
12:58
Speaker 4: and I can help them chan their you know, feelings.
13:02
Speaker 4: But now my older kids, I apply that to them
13:05
Speaker 4: and I try to articulate myself to where they can say, Okay,
13:07
Speaker 4: my dad is definitely a lot better than when I
13:10
Speaker 4: was younger.
13:12
Speaker 5: But I think that's every older any older kid in
13:15
Speaker 5: the family, like is always gonna have that because even
13:18
Speaker 5: when I look at like my sister, like she's be
13:21
Speaker 5: having certain resemblance of like the version of my mom
13:24
Speaker 5: that she got then a version because I'm the youngest,
13:26
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. And I feel like even
13:30
Speaker 5: with other people that I talk to and they be like, well, man,
13:33
Speaker 5: my mama was treated my younger sibling like this, And
13:37
Speaker 5: I said, because your mom healed your moms I have
13:40
Speaker 5: to like, people don't understand just because you're a parent,
13:43
Speaker 5: don't mean you know it all.
13:44
Speaker 1: Think about when you became a parent, Like I was
13:48
Speaker 1: still learning. I'm gonna work in progress. We're constantly works
13:51
Speaker 1: in progress. And even with my own relationship speaking to
13:53
Speaker 1: what you just said, like my mom, I'm the oldest
13:56
Speaker 1: and so like my mom was nineteen twenty twenty when
13:59
Speaker 1: she had we're growing up together, sure, you know, and
14:02
Speaker 1: so you don't always have an introspection while you're in it.
14:05
Speaker 1: But I think in doing what I do and walking
14:08
Speaker 1: in my purpose, I strengthened that relationship like me and
14:10
Speaker 1: my mom used to but had so much. And like
14:13
Speaker 1: two years ago she came to we have a heart
14:15
Speaker 1: to heart, like a real heart to heart, and she
14:17
Speaker 1: gave me an apology I did not know that I needed,
14:20
Speaker 1: and I was able to articulate to her in a
14:22
Speaker 1: fruitful environment. And what I mean by fruitful is that
14:24
Speaker 1: we weren't arguing, we have any resentment. We were just
14:27
Speaker 1: literally expressing ourselves. And like I listened better because you
14:31
Speaker 1: know sometimes too, like I noticed about myself, like I
14:35
Speaker 1: turn my ears off. I'm a very good listener, but
14:37
Speaker 1: I turn my ears off when it feels unsafe, you know,
14:39
Speaker 1: cause I've dealt with verbal abuse and just people talking
14:43
Speaker 1: down to me, and just like you get on defense
14:45
Speaker 1: where it's like oh, I can't even retain this information.
14:47
Speaker 1: This isn't good for me, This isn't good for my spirit.
14:49
Speaker 1: But what I learned is there is a power in
14:52
Speaker 1: not holding on to that. You can receive the information
14:55
Speaker 1: and return it to sender. You know, you don't have
14:57
Speaker 1: to keep it, but sometimes you're just allowing people the
14:59
Speaker 1: most of expressions. So it's made me better even than
15:02
Speaker 1: what I do. Like I might not agree with what
15:04
Speaker 1: you're saying, I might not think that there is a
15:06
Speaker 1: viability to it, but if I focus left on their
15:08
Speaker 1: response and more on the listening part, my response is
15:11
Speaker 1: going to be better. And so with my mom, that's
15:13
Speaker 1: kind of how I learned to execute our communicator, and
15:15
Speaker 1: we've gotten so much better because of it. Like even
15:17
Speaker 1: when we have heated moments where it used to be
15:20
Speaker 1: like were going back and forth and like we're not
15:22
Speaker 1: talking for a week, two weeks, you know what I'm saying.
15:24
Speaker 1: And that used to bother me because it's like, so
15:26
Speaker 1: my real father passed away, he was killed when I
15:29
Speaker 1: was three and a half, Right, my pops came out
15:31
Speaker 1: like when I was like nine and a half. So
15:32
Speaker 1: my mom is my person, you know what I'm saying,
15:34
Speaker 1: I've always been the backbone for her, so it used
15:36
Speaker 1: to bother me because I'm so protective over her, Like
15:38
Speaker 1: I gotta talk to you. I want to communicate. I
15:40
Speaker 1: want to know if you're okay, because I know how
15:42
Speaker 1: it is. I know what I do for you, and
15:43
Speaker 1: I know what you do for me.
15:44
Speaker 5: You know.
15:45
Speaker 1: However, that communication barrier, it stunted our growth, like as
15:50
Speaker 1: mother daughter from you guys, come on, now, it's like she's.
15:54
Speaker 3: That's the thing I had that scenario.
15:56
Speaker 4: Come on with my wife because my oldest is my
15:59
Speaker 4: step daughter, but she's she's mine.
16:02
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
16:03
Speaker 4: My wife had her young, she was twenty two.
16:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, so and.
16:07
Speaker 4: You know, not to be too you know, I know
16:09
Speaker 4: that they're very private about this topic, so I'm not
16:12
Speaker 4: gonna say too much, but you know, it was just
16:15
Speaker 4: them too for a large part of her life until
16:19
Speaker 4: I came in and she was like twelve, so you know,
16:22
Speaker 4: she didn't really have anything outside of me. But I
16:25
Speaker 4: feel like other family members stepped in, but they have
16:29
Speaker 4: a what's that relationship that's so tight?
16:34
Speaker 3: I can't even And that's my wife, that's she's my person.
16:38
Speaker 3: I'm her person.
16:39
Speaker 4: But the relationship she has with her daughter because they
16:41
Speaker 4: were so young. Of course she was so young, and
16:44
Speaker 4: it's like their bonding is.
16:47
Speaker 3: You're explaining what is, but it happens.
16:50
Speaker 5: It happens a lot, you know what I'm saying, especially
16:52
Speaker 5: with like the black community, because we go through so much,
16:56
Speaker 5: you know, with our parents, you know what I'm saying,
16:58
Speaker 5: And a lot of people like my mama, No, she
17:01
Speaker 5: always called me, ask for me anything, and I'll do it,
17:04
Speaker 5: and then like it'll be family. Man, It's like, damn,
17:06
Speaker 5: why are you you know what I'm saying. I'll be like, bro,
17:08
Speaker 5: Me and my mom was homeless together.
17:10
Speaker 3: Bro, Like we slept in the car to get Like y'all.
17:12
Speaker 5: Don't understand the things that like I seen my mama
17:15
Speaker 5: go through. And then I like, damn, at whatever point
17:19
Speaker 5: I get into my life or I gotta make sure
17:21
Speaker 5: my mom ain't got to worry about none, I'm gonna
17:23
Speaker 5: do it because I know what it felt like even
17:26
Speaker 5: as a kid. Like people don't even be don't even
17:29
Speaker 5: know this part. I'm like nigga, even as a kid, Nigga,
17:31
Speaker 5: I felt when we was homeless. You know what I'm saying.
17:34
Speaker 3: I might not remember every scenario.
17:37
Speaker 5: What happened, But I'm like, bro, I knew at one
17:39
Speaker 5: point I could talked to my mom about this and
17:41
Speaker 5: she like, yeah, it happened.
17:44
Speaker 3: You know, something's profound.
17:45
Speaker 4: I'm glad we were talking about this because I don't
17:47
Speaker 4: think we've ever had an episode like this. I am
17:50
Speaker 4: a kid that had a divorce divorced parents and they
17:54
Speaker 4: were going through a divorce when I was in middle
17:56
Speaker 4: school and it kind of bothered me until my dash
18:00
Speaker 4: to my dad. Because I have a really good relationship
18:01
Speaker 4: with my dad. My dad pulled me to the side
18:04
Speaker 4: and said something to me when I was young. He said, hey, son,
18:08
Speaker 4: what's going on me and your mom has nothing to
18:10
Speaker 4: do with how much we love you. And it made
18:13
Speaker 4: me understand that, Okay, they have differences, and I know
18:18
Speaker 4: they hurt each other, and you know what, this don't
18:21
Speaker 4: got nothing to do with me. My dad literally pulled
18:24
Speaker 4: me to the side, looked me in my eyes, hugged me,
18:26
Speaker 4: and said, we both love.
18:29
Speaker 3: You with all our hearts. And from then on I
18:33
Speaker 3: just was kind of like, all right, cool.
18:35
Speaker 1: Yes, you know you healing because like, even as a kid,
18:39
Speaker 1: like with my mom, she used to always hit me
18:42
Speaker 1: with it like staying in the child's place.
18:43
Speaker 3: But it's like, Mom, you don't want to be told that.
18:45
Speaker 3: You kind of want to know, like, hey, are you good.
18:48
Speaker 1: Because I feel because you naturally just go to yours.
18:53
Speaker 5: And that's teaching the reason why, Like that's teaching you
18:57
Speaker 5: as a kid to suppress your emotions. And it's like
19:00
Speaker 5: we shouldn't have to do that. And that's issues that
19:02
Speaker 5: I have my whole life to where like I'll be
19:04
Speaker 5: real mad at somebody. He ain't gonna say that, and
19:06
Speaker 5: I ain't saying nothing. And I know now like Rari
19:09
Speaker 5: even see, I'm very vocal with people. If you hurt
19:12
Speaker 5: my feelings, if you make me feel some type of way,
19:14
Speaker 5: if I didn't like something you did, I'm gonna tell you.
19:18
Speaker 5: Because I'm a Leo and Leo we were whole shit
19:22
Speaker 5: in and we would hold grudges and you would never know.
19:26
Speaker 1: And see, I'm with cancer. I used to hold it
19:28
Speaker 1: in because people would tell me you're emotional, But I understand.
19:33
Speaker 1: I begin to understand that I have a strong sense
19:35
Speaker 1: of empathy that will make me an excellent communicator if
19:38
Speaker 1: I properly navigate my ego and then the feelings that
19:43
Speaker 1: I get when I'm talking to people, meaning like I
19:45
Speaker 1: can tell where you're off, like even you when you're like,
19:48
Speaker 1: how's your spirit? It's not that you're doing anything wrong.
19:51
Speaker 1: I can just probably navigate the difference between I'm doing
19:54
Speaker 1: good and I'm doing all right, Like I can see that,
19:57
Speaker 1: I can recognize that. And so like with my mom,
20:00
Speaker 1: it was the same thing, you know, like I can
20:01
Speaker 1: tell when we're off, I can tell when we overly
20:03
Speaker 1: having it, and I can tell when it's getting a
20:05
Speaker 1: little lower, you know what I mean. And so like
20:07
Speaker 1: for her, I had to learn, like when she would
20:10
Speaker 1: tell me like you're, you know, staying in a child's place,
20:13
Speaker 1: like you know, I had to explain to her as
20:16
Speaker 1: now I didn't say this as a younger kid, but
20:18
Speaker 1: as I got older and I began to understand myself better,
20:21
Speaker 1: I would tell her, like, Mom, I internalize everything that
20:23
Speaker 1: happens to you because you're important to me. You're of value.
20:27
Speaker 1: I learned to be what she would always call me,
20:29
Speaker 1: her backbone. So being your backbone means that we are
20:32
Speaker 1: intertwined everything that every hit you take. I feel that.
20:35
Speaker 1: You know, you may not think I can understand it,
20:37
Speaker 1: but honestly, the growth in the struggle that we experienced
20:41
Speaker 1: as a kid is the reason why I'm so keen
20:43
Speaker 1: and on point now. And Mom, I know that you
20:45
Speaker 1: don't want me to carry that. See I took that
20:47
Speaker 1: the wrong way too. I had to look at that
20:49
Speaker 1: from a different perspective, like you're not telling me that
20:51
Speaker 1: I'm just a kid and that my feelings don't matter.
20:53
Speaker 1: You're telling me that you don't want me to carry
20:55
Speaker 1: that with you because it's already hurting you. And we
20:57
Speaker 1: didn't get to explain that till I got as adults, like,
21:00
Speaker 1: oh that's what you were doing.
21:01
Speaker 4: Hey, hey, hey, I called both of my parents separately
21:04
Speaker 4: and apologized to them. MM I said, my bad cause
21:08
Speaker 4: I'm a father of multiple kids.
21:11
Speaker 3: I said, you know what the c I I don't.
21:13
Speaker 3: I ain't tryna get too emotional.
21:14
Speaker 4: Nobody, but I was like, my bad, all the sacrifices
21:17
Speaker 4: y'all put in for me. Yeah, and my little lads
21:21
Speaker 4: was being tryna be you know. I was just I
21:24
Speaker 4: don't know, dag like being a dad to kids and
21:28
Speaker 4: I got two outside of my house. Whold, Yeah, it's
21:30
Speaker 4: a lot. Yes, it's a lot to carry. And then
21:33
Speaker 4: like even today, tomorrow, yesterday, I gotta cry in the
21:39
Speaker 4: car or I gotta figure it out. And then when
21:41
Speaker 4: I get home, I can't bring that inside the house.
21:44
Speaker 3: Hell cause my.
21:45
Speaker 4: Two little kids are gonna run up to me, Daddy,
21:47
Speaker 4: dada dah. My wife's gonna walk up to me and
21:48
Speaker 4: give me a kid. Somebody have some dinner and all that.
21:50
Speaker 4: I can't bring all the bullshit that I just dealt
21:52
Speaker 4: with today in the house.
21:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's gonna bring the whole energy down.
21:58
Speaker 1: N Me stop you right there, cause you know big
22:00
Speaker 1: energy in black man therapy. Where do you put it?
22:03
Speaker 1: Who do you bring it to? Like?
22:05
Speaker 4: So I have been so what I have been doing.
22:08
Speaker 4: I have been doing breathing treatments. So all my way home,
22:13
Speaker 4: I either, well I shouldn't be saying this, but I
22:14
Speaker 4: got this little thing. I'll be watching movies on my shit.
22:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I get home.
22:19
Speaker 4: Before I get home, I take like ten really big
22:22
Speaker 4: deep breaths because it's really lack of oxygen. You're really
22:27
Speaker 4: keeping it a bean. When you get upset, you don't breathe.
22:30
Speaker 4: You're not breathing as much. See regular breathment. You're not
22:33
Speaker 4: breathing you That's why you have to take deep breaths
22:36
Speaker 4: and all your nerves just reset. So I take ten
22:39
Speaker 4: big ass breaths and then I just say, all right, whatever,
22:43
Speaker 4: it's I kind of bet kind of know TCU too,
22:46
Speaker 4: like y'all know, ye'all probably can't talk to me from
22:49
Speaker 4: like seven pm to like ten pm because I'm home
22:53
Speaker 4: make and I gotta be present in the moment, get
22:58
Speaker 4: their ass in bed.
22:59
Speaker 3: And sometimes I just go to bed with him.
23:01
Speaker 4: So I'll try for him and I to do like
23:03
Speaker 4: some work to make sure our next day is easy.
23:06
Speaker 4: Like I take them ten deep breaths and.
23:08
Speaker 3: Then I just go in the house. You got to
23:11
Speaker 3: That's that's important.
23:12
Speaker 5: I feel like everybody should know techniques and what they
23:16
Speaker 5: say space. You know what I'm saying, Like my thing
23:19
Speaker 5: is like cost yeah, that'll go click, And I would
23:25
Speaker 5: just look at the trees and be like, man, this
23:27
Speaker 5: is beautiful.
23:28
Speaker 3: Dang, like life is good.
23:30
Speaker 5: And then I'm like, damn, I was stressing about about
23:32
Speaker 5: this and I can walk and be healthy.
23:35
Speaker 4: And I try to look at him on the weekend
23:36
Speaker 4: because I know he got to reset, because this is
23:40
Speaker 4: also a lot for him.
23:42
Speaker 3: Being on the radio every day. He wasn't used to that.
23:46
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was used to working for myself for you know,
23:49
Speaker 5: ten twelve years. So it's like getting in a regiment
23:51
Speaker 5: and the schedule. You gotta be like, okay, when do
23:54
Speaker 5: I be normal? Every everybody is entertainment space. They gotta
23:58
Speaker 5: take the time out like when you go be normal,
24:01
Speaker 5: because that's why a lot of you see celebrities go crazy,
24:04
Speaker 5: you see influences go crazy. You see so many mental
24:07
Speaker 5: health things because people don't know how to turn it off.
24:11
Speaker 5: When does the stream turn off? When does the like
24:13
Speaker 5: when does the show stop? Like when do you turn
24:16
Speaker 5: off being who you are? Every day? I try to
24:19
Speaker 5: go do the most regular shit with me and my girl.
24:22
Speaker 5: We'll go to the park, we'll go get some ice cream,
24:25
Speaker 5: we'll go direct. Sometimes we'll be at places and they
24:27
Speaker 5: be like what are you doing here? And I'll be like,
24:29
Speaker 5: what being a human? The fund like being a human.
24:34
Speaker 1: But you know what though, it's like I think society
24:37
Speaker 1: has created like this ideology that when you operate in
24:42
Speaker 1: certain arenas, you can't frequent certain places, not realizing like
24:47
Speaker 1: that's the balance everything, that's the balance. Balance, man, you
24:51
Speaker 1: gotta find balance. Like the reason why I ask you
24:53
Speaker 1: that question is like my recommendation to you, because I
24:56
Speaker 1: know you guys are spiritual man too, is like take
24:58
Speaker 1: a moment to pray, even if it's thirty seconds, sixty seconds.
25:02
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna tell you, I had a situation somebody
25:05
Speaker 1: hit a part car of mine and prior to walking
25:08
Speaker 1: in here, and literally I was in there and I
25:11
Speaker 1: was trying to find something to eat, and I could
25:13
Speaker 1: feel my anxiety rising because I'm like, oh my God,
25:15
Speaker 1: what am I gonna do. CVS said, there's no cameras
25:17
Speaker 1: and stuff. But I literally had a dream about us
25:21
Speaker 1: doing this podcast and how pivotal that these clips would be.
25:24
Speaker 1: And so I'm talking to God. I'm like, I'm operating
25:26
Speaker 1: in my purpose. I have to lock in. So you
25:29
Speaker 1: know what I did. I left from inside of there
25:31
Speaker 1: and I walked to my car and I just started praying.
25:33
Speaker 1: I said for the God to come to you. As
25:34
Speaker 1: humbly as ever, I thank you for another day. We
25:37
Speaker 1: was able to wake up and rise to the occasion.
25:39
Speaker 1: Right now, God, anything that's sent to kill, steal or
25:41
Speaker 1: destroyed my energy being big, or me operating my purpose,
25:44
Speaker 1: or me being well received by the people who are
25:46
Speaker 1: gonna listen to this podcast. God, I would ask that
25:48
Speaker 1: you would just remove it. Help me to completely lock
25:51
Speaker 1: in and be consistent God, and let me be well
25:53
Speaker 1: received by my energy being on point. God. If I'm anxious, God,
25:56
Speaker 1: I ask that you would move it. If I'm worried,
25:59
Speaker 1: reassure me that it's already doing. And Jesus nade my prayer. Men,
26:02
Speaker 1: and I walked in here and I texted you and
26:05
Speaker 1: I said, I'm ready. It's just it takes two minutes.
26:09
Speaker 1: Because the thing about it is is if you believe
26:11
Speaker 1: that God is all seeing and all knowing, and he
26:14
Speaker 1: provides provision and he provides protection, it's like if I
26:17
Speaker 1: can't get the answer from nowhere, when I inhale and exhale,
26:21
Speaker 1: I know that He's gonna make it right. And whatever's
26:24
Speaker 1: for me, and nothing that we do in life is
26:27
Speaker 1: happening to us, it's happening for us. When I locked
26:30
Speaker 1: in on that concept about like two years ago, and
26:32
Speaker 1: they came with discipline, I'm getting better this last six months.
26:35
Speaker 1: Like my anxiety and worry that I would have. Because
26:38
Speaker 1: you talk to me, you would think I was just
26:40
Speaker 1: calm and I got it all figured out. No, I
26:42
Speaker 1: struggled with anxiety and depression.
26:43
Speaker 3: Know you the people. We gotta check on.
26:45
Speaker 5: Hell, anybody that I see is very collective and very calm.
26:50
Speaker 3: I have a check on that.
26:51
Speaker 5: I have plenty of friends that's like extremely successful. When
26:54
Speaker 5: I called him and I'll be like, what's up, man,
26:56
Speaker 5: I'm just checking on you.
26:57
Speaker 3: I don't want shit. I'm just checking on you.
27:00
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy. Right before I drove over here
27:02
Speaker 1: to get on this side of town, you know, I
27:04
Speaker 1: live here Afaria. Now, I got a text from a
27:06
Speaker 1: friend and she said, man, you've been so heavy on
27:08
Speaker 1: my mind. Just want to check on you. God sends
27:11
Speaker 1: me them little miracle signs and wonders. And because I
27:13
Speaker 1: am in a state of deep awareness spiritually, mentally, financially,
27:17
Speaker 1: I make better decisions. I pivot better. I am more
27:20
Speaker 1: productive in my prayer life. Like I can see better,
27:24
Speaker 1: I can receive better. So even when I got that, now,
27:28
Speaker 1: as I'm sitting here talking and vocalizing this seat, I'm like, okay,
27:30
Speaker 1: that was the provision. That was the reminder, like you're
27:33
Speaker 1: being prayed for her prayer whatever she said, And guess
27:36
Speaker 1: what I told her. I said, I'm praying about my
27:38
Speaker 1: consistency right now. So whenever I cross your mind, just
27:41
Speaker 1: say a prayer for my consistency because God wants me
27:43
Speaker 1: to lock in. Right now, I can show you all
27:45
Speaker 1: text message and I'm telling you, like even thinking about
27:48
Speaker 1: that in hindsight, the bigger picture, now, I'm like, Okay,
27:50
Speaker 1: that's preparation, because what did I do. I went to
27:53
Speaker 1: my car and I prayed because I know I needed
27:55
Speaker 1: to focus so that I could be big here. And
27:56
Speaker 1: it's not that you're not big in those moments. It's
27:59
Speaker 1: just like when there's an attack on your energy, oftentimes
28:01
Speaker 1: that's when you are going to do the most fruitful thing.
28:04
Speaker 1: And that's why prayer is so important. When you're getting
28:06
Speaker 1: ready to go in there by those kids, you are
28:08
Speaker 1: literally watering the seeds that you've planted, right, And so
28:11
Speaker 1: when you interact with them, you want to teach them
28:13
Speaker 1: to properly navigate emotionally. You want to teach them how
28:16
Speaker 1: to deal with things. There's gonna come a time and
28:18
Speaker 1: place where you're gonna have conversations with those younger kids
28:20
Speaker 1: and you're gonna tell them about exactly what you just
28:22
Speaker 1: told me. Hey, I was walking in this house and
28:25
Speaker 1: I'll stressed out the way of the world on my
28:26
Speaker 1: shoulders and all they're gonna remember is the dad who
28:29
Speaker 1: showed up.
28:29
Speaker 5: And loved that play, none of that.
28:33
Speaker 1: When they get older, they're gonna want to know what
28:35
Speaker 1: you did in that car though. That's why you gotta
28:40
Speaker 1: teach them kids.
28:42
Speaker 4: Before we get out of here, I need you to
28:44
Speaker 4: share your information about your podcast.
28:46
Speaker 1: So my podcast is the Big Energy Room, y'all. Y'all
28:49
Speaker 1: can follow us on the Big Facts Network. I have
28:51
Speaker 1: my own playlist on there. You can follow me on
28:53
Speaker 1: all social media platforms either a Big Kayla and Big
28:56
Speaker 1: Energy Room is in there that's my main page, or
28:58
Speaker 1: Big Energy Room self. Man. We are working on black
29:02
Speaker 1: men in therapy specifically, but we are healing place, safe
29:05
Speaker 1: space for a safe conversation for anyone who comes on there.
29:08
Speaker 1: So I hope y'all tune in and learn something and
29:10
Speaker 1: the goal is really just to be better all around.
29:14
Speaker 4: And before we get out of here, man, We've had
29:17
Speaker 4: a lot of interviews today.
29:18
Speaker 3: This is my favorite one.
29:19
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
29:20
Speaker 4: I agree only because again we spoke about something that
29:24
Speaker 4: I felt is gonna be felt pause hell uh yeah.
29:30
Speaker 1: And it's well received. I already prayed about it came
29:32
Speaker 1: out here.
29:34
Speaker 3: You know what I bet y'all know what I bet
29:37
Speaker 3: okay ball Alert Peace,