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Narcissists don't care about wasting your time · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to talk about how narcissists do not care
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  about wasting your time. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
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  They don't care. Y'all, let's keep it hot and
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  ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  They do not care about wasting your damn time.
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  They don't. Well Lee, why don't they care?
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  Lee? Why don't they care about
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  wasting our time? Are are they not wasting their
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  own time as well? No, they are not wasting their
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  time because their needs are being met Whatever they want
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  from you, they're getting from you, which is why they stay
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  around you, which is why they to keep you in a relationship like
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  or keep you in a relationship, not just even a committed
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  relationship. Why they keep you in a committed
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  situation ship why they keep you at the friends with benefit
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  status. Yeah, you will be in the friends
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  with benefit status with a narcissist for years years.
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  Y'all be doing everything. Y'all have everything going on
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  except commitment. You'll be committed, but they
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  won't and you notice that they when you notice that they're not
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  being committed directly to you, they'll tell you we're not in a
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  relationship together. But when you try to move out, I
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  mean when you try to do your own thing, they harp, scream, cry,
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  squawk, do every damn thing from the bottom, from the bottom, top
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  of the book. Do everything out of the book of
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  narcissism. They don't care.
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  Sorry y'all got caught up. You said my throat just gave out
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  right there. My throat just like you know
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  what, Lee? No, we're not going to talk.
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  But yeah, they do not care about wasting your time.
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  You might be feel like you wasting your time.
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  Like if you feel like, and a lot of people fall into the sunk
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  cost fallacy or the sunken cost fallacy where you feel like
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  you've invested so much time, effort, energy and money into it
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  where you might as well give them another chance, right?
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  You might as well stay, right? You might as well talk to them,
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  right? That's how you feel.
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  That's how a lot of people feel. You're like well might as well
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  just I already got 10 years in it, might as well give them
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  another year. No, you got 10 years in it.
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  They've shown you who they are. Bounce.
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  You can't get the time back anyway.
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  Most times you can't get the money back unless you got a
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  signed contract or a promissory note from them.
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  You mean you can't get it back anyway?
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  So don't don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy just thinking
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  that well I might as well throw more into it since I already put
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  so much into it. There's so many people who fall
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  into that dynamic and give up their power.
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  Like when you give your power up to a narcissist, they win 100%
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  of the time. When you give them everything
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  that they want and you're not getting anything in return other
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  than some temporary companionship, some sex, every
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  once in a while, they win it. Narcissist thing in terms of
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  wins and losses, I'm winning. If I'm getting everything that I
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  want from you and you're you getting the bare minimum for me,
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  our relationship on my side of things is very low effort, then
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  I'm winning. You see what I'm saying?
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  I'm winning. I'm achieving some type of
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  victory because you in this situation, you are chasing after
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  me like you want me. You want the you want, You want
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  the victory for me. This is what you want, right?
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  This is the mentality of narcissists.
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  This is the mentality of toxic people.
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  This is the mentality of abusers, abusers, abusers,
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  abusers right here. They do.
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  This is the type of stuff they do.
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  And I, I tell it to people all the time, if you feel like
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  you're wasting time in a relationship, but you have kids,
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  but you have this together, it's OK for you to decide to choose
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  you. It's OK for you to decide to
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  just do what you want to do and escape the toxicity, escape the
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  abuse. It's OK.
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  Y'all, So many people fall into the into the situation where you
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  feel like, well, it's not OK, Lee, I'm sad.
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  I get that too. I understand beings.
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  I understand that you're sad. I understand that your feelings
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  are hurt. I understand that you feel like
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  your heart is broken. I get all of that, right?
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  I understand all of that. I get it, but in these
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  situations right here, you have to understand that it's OK to
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  choose you. You're not wasting time.
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  You're not wasting any more time.
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  I don't feel like it's for me. I don't feel like you're wasting
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  your time anyway because I this is my mindset right here.
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  It's not a loss if you learn from it because if you get into
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  the mindset that all this time has been wasted, I gave this
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  person 20 years and I got nothing to show for.
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  I'm sad as hell that's going that's going to lead you into
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  the depressive state. It's not a loss if you learn
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  from it. I personally, this is my own
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  perspective, don't think that it was all fake with a narcissist.
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  If you feel like thinking they believing that it was all fake
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  helps you heal faster, then hey by all means take that road
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  right there. But for me as a diagnose
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  narcissist myself, I don't think it was all fake from the
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  beginning. There might be some good moments
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  in there, there might be some good times in there.
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  They just can't. What if they, what if they loved
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  you to their full capability and it's just not enough for you?
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  What if they gave you everything, everything that they
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  had and it just wasn't enough? You see what I'm saying?
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  That's how you can reframe it. Because if you think you're
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  wasting time, that can lead you into depression and that can
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  lead you directly back into the sunk cause fallacy.
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  Well, I already gave them 20 years.
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  Might as well give them 20 more. What's two more years?
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  What's 10 more years? You see what I'm saying?
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  At least I won't be alone. Will you fall into that?
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  At least I won't be alone category.
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  Yo, you're going to be so damn sad at the end of it.
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  At least I wasn't alone. Imagine being on your deathbed
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  and just think, at least I wasn't alone.
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  Grandma or Grandpa, were you happy?
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  No, baby, but I wasn't alone. Imagine that being your last
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  words. You go to heaven.
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  At least I wasn't alone. You something.
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  That fear of being alone keep so many people stuck.
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  Their fear of being. Their fear of being alone keep
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  so many people down and out. Their fear of being alone keep
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  so many people down and out. Their fear of being alone keep
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  so many people trapped in this relationship dynamic.
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  It's OK to be alone. I feel like when you, when you
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  get rid of that fear of being alone, you can win, You can
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  start to achieve that victory that you want, the victory that
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  you're imagining anyway. You can start to achieve that
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  right there because that's what you want, right?
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  This is what that's what the goal, the goal is.
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  Isn't happiness the goal like fulfillment, the goal?
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  If you're not happy or fulfilled, what's the goal here?
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  What's the point? What are we doing?
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  What are we, what are we doing here?
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  B. What are we doing here if we're
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  not happy or fulfilled? What's the goal here?
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  What's the, what's the game plan here?
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  What are we doing right here if neither one of us are happy or
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  fulfilled? What's the actual game plan
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  here? Are we just going to exist into
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  obscurity? And if we just fall off and just
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  disappear, is that what's going to happen?
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  You see what I'm saying? Like they don't care about like
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  as long as their needs are being met, as long as they have some
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  type of access to you. Narcissistic people will keep
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  you around y'all. They absolutely will.
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  They will keep you around until they until they feel like they
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  exhaust all of your resources. Not just financial, not just not
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  just financial, not just housing, all of your emotional
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  resources. They will keep you around until
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  they exhaust you of all your emotional resources as well.
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  They until they can no longer get any type of narcissistic
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  supply from you. And then guess what happens?
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  You gave it your all. You keep trying harder and
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  harder and harder and guess what happens?
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  They end up leaving your ass. They leave you high and dry
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  after 20 years, after 26 years, you know you should have left
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  ten years ago, but you give them 10 MO and then they leave you
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  and then you lead you to a further depression.
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  And this is not me trying to just insist that you pack your
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  stuff up and bounce. This is not me trying to insist
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  that. This is me just saying, hey,
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  look, think about it this way. Think about it this way.
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  Look into the future. Like look into the future.
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  You see what I'm saying? Look into that crystal ball and
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  just think like, am I like grandma, Grandpa, were you
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  happy? I wasn't alone.
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  Just imagine that being your. Imagine that being your future
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  right there. I wasn't.
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  At least I wasn't alone. There's no way to live, y'all.
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  Yeah, I do a lot of these videos.
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  I do so many videos because I want y'all to be fulfilled.
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  I do. I want y'all to be fulfilled.
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  I want you to live happy lives because I'm being like, right
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  now, having narcissistic personality disorder, I'm more
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  fulfilled than ever. You know what I mean?
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  Because I'm helping so many people that that fulfills me.
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  I'm helping so many people, reconnecting with so many people
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  from my past, my friends and stuff like that, and rebuilding
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  old relationships that I might have fallen by the wayside.
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  Yeah, I'm doing so many good things right here, y'all.
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  I'm being fulfilled. I want y'all to experience that
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  fulfillment. If a narcissist can be
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  fulfilled, why can't you? And self fulfillment is what
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  comes first. What does self fulfillment look
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  like for you? What does self love look like
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  for you? What does self empowerment look
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  like for you? What does that look like for
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  you? Use what I'm saying, what does
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  your future hold? If you're happy, if you're
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  extremely happy, if you content 10 years in the future, what 10
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  years in the future? What does happiness look like
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  for you? They buy out there y'all 10
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  years into the future. What does happiness look like
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  for you? A year.
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  Let's say I ain't go 10 years. Let's go a year, six months and
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  let's just say the narcissistic person in your life has not
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  changed. That's the that's the that's the
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  criteria right there. That's the only criteria.
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  They haven't changed. They're still the exact same
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  person or they've gotten a little bit worse.
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  They haven't gotten any better. They've gotten worse.
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  What's 6 months look like for you?
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  A year, 2 years? And I'm not trying to make you
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  sleep like it's easy to leave y'all.
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  That's not what I'm trying to do.
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  I'm just trying to let y'all know.
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  They're like, if you're unhappy now, you're going to be unhappy
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  in the in the future. You know, you can be unhappy
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  with them. You can find that self love
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  within yourself. And I tell you to leave, but
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  finally let love within yourself and then making a conscientious
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  decision whether to leave in a stand is the best thing for you.
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  Hey, follow me. Do it like that because as long
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  as they're getting their needs met, they're going to, they're
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  going to be there in what, some way, shape or form they can
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  leave you. The crazy thing about it is they
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  can leave you, right? They can leave you for somebody
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  else and still feel they can leave you for somebody else and
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  still feel like they can come back to you at any time.
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  They still can feel like they have some type of access to you.
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  That's the mindset. That's the mentality of
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  narcissistic abuse of people right there.
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  I can leave you for somebody else and I can still somehow,
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  some way, shape or form get access to you.
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  That's the space they they, that's the space that they're
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  going to be in, you know? So that's something that's just
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  something to consider right there when you're making your
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  next move, y'all. Anyway, y'all make sure you
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.