Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Breaking the Silence: Understanding Mental Health live on Basic Blaque After Dark | streaming on DA CREW PODCAST

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Breaking the Silence: Understanding Mental Health live on Basic Blaque After Dark | streaming on DA CREW PODCAST · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Luck luck luck, luck luck luck.
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  Speaker 2: Luck uck.
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  Speaker 1: S.
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  Speaker 2: Gentle men, lay I have your attention please? The show
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  Speaker 2: starts in ten nine. Ladies and gentlemen, may I have
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: your attention please? The show starts in ten nine, eight, seven, six, five, four,
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  Speaker 2: three two one go.
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  Speaker 1: And welcome to Basic Black After Dog. I'm your host,
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  Speaker 1: Black Diamond. Come tonight.
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  Speaker 3: We're beginning a powerful to part me to heel sn
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  Speaker 3: and none other than doctor Caroly sting that Doctor Stephens
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  Speaker 3: is a clinical mental health Christian therapist. She's a family
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  Speaker 3: support specialist in fast advocate and cultural diversity.
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  Speaker 4: Who dedicated her life to help the individual fisk.
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  Speaker 3: In part month, we are breaking the silence and understanding
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  Speaker 3: mental health.
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  Speaker 1: We're diving deep.
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  Speaker 3: Into the Lord, why so many? And our visible word.
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  Speaker 3: This series is about Hill. You bring the truth to
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  Speaker 3: the service, because.
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  Speaker 1: He's gone to the honest.
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  Speaker 4: He's welcome Doctor Stephens to Basic Black After Doctors Understandings.
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  Speaker 3: All right?
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  Speaker 5: So good?
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  Speaker 1: To make it to so much a part of mental
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  Speaker 1: health and educating the community is very important.
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  Speaker 3: So I want you to define mental health doctors. The
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  Speaker 3: term mental health? What does it truly mean?
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  Speaker 1: What do people want to be understand? Okay? And that's that.
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  Speaker 1: That's a that's a that's a really good question. So
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  Speaker 1: mental health is health.
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  Speaker 5: Health concerns health care that focuses on any aspect of
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  Speaker 5: your mind. Okay, so we all should focus on our
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  Speaker 5: mental health.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 6: Of course, what where misconceptions come in at.
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  Speaker 5: Is that people sometimes get the terms confused when you
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  Speaker 5: say mental health with mental illness, and that sometimes where.
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  Speaker 1: People in the difference.
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  Speaker 5: So when you explain the difference is that we all
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  Speaker 5: a part of us So as human beings, we have
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  Speaker 5: our physical health.
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  Speaker 1: You know, that's what most of us may go to
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  Speaker 1: the doctor for.
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  Speaker 5: We have our physical health, and so there are things
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  Speaker 5: that we should do to maintain our physical health, rest, exercise, eating, sleeping,
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  Speaker 5: things like that.
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  Speaker 1: All right, Then we have.
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  Speaker 5: Our spiritual health or spiritual well being. That looks different
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  Speaker 5: for everybody.
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  Speaker 6: For some people, that's train need that to medicate those.
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  Speaker 5: Things that we do to maintain the spiritual aspect.
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  Speaker 1: Of our life. Then we have our mental health, okay.
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  Speaker 5: And so there are things that we do to maintain
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  Speaker 5: the health of our minds. Now, when we go through
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  Speaker 5: certain traumatic events or we have things.
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  Speaker 1: That we had not really dealt with, it can be
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  Speaker 1: not all the time, but it can be.
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  Speaker 5: Or turn into a mental health problem or challenge, and
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  Speaker 5: that's where we have mental illness.
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  Speaker 1: That's where that comes in.
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  Speaker 5: So I think that sometimes the terms an used about
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  Speaker 5: mental like somebody like somebody may say she has mental health.
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  Speaker 1: Well, we all have mental health, but it's one thing
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  Speaker 1: to say someone.
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  Speaker 5: Has a mental health challenge or they have a mental
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  Speaker 5: health illness.
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  Speaker 1: Typically when you have.
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  Speaker 6: A mental health illness, that means that you've been diagnosed with.
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  Speaker 1: Some type of a mental health challenge. So I hope
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  Speaker 1: that clears this out. So it does. It does greatly
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  Speaker 1: that so many people, so many people has so many
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  Speaker 1: different misconceptions about it.
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  Speaker 3: What are some of the most damaging myths about mental
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  Speaker 3: health or illness? You've been counted in your.
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  Speaker 5: Friend, sure, So some of the most damaging uh uh
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  Speaker 5: things or ideologies or myths I like when you use
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  Speaker 5: that term about mental health or mental health illness is
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  Speaker 5: that there is something terribly wrong with you as a
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  Speaker 5: human being if you're having challenges with your mental health.
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  Speaker 1: And there is something that I always say.
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  Speaker 5: I use it's okay to not be okay when it
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  Speaker 5: comes to your mental health. Okay, and you want to
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  Speaker 5: see about yourself. So one myth is that there's something
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  Speaker 5: wrong with you as a there's something wrong with you
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  Speaker 5: as a whole person if you.
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  Speaker 1: Have some struggles or challenges or issues with your with
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  Speaker 1: your mental health. That is one that is one myth.
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  Speaker 5: Another myth, depending upon culture, is some people will believe
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  Speaker 5: that it is not a good thing to see a
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  Speaker 5: mental health professionals.
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  Speaker 1: And so today, how it shake you.
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  Speaker 5: If you break you break your art, something you think
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  Speaker 5: nothing about going in or seeing a doctor to help
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  Speaker 5: out with your work and your work out. Sometimes in
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  Speaker 5: the area of mental health there are things that are
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  Speaker 5: broken because sly or emotionally. They have a professionals such
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  Speaker 5: as myself that help people with That is one of
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  Speaker 5: the myths that people have about or two of the
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  Speaker 5: myths that about mental health.
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  Speaker 1: So how do these myths keep people from seeking the
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  Speaker 1: health that they truly need? Well?
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  Speaker 5: Because people become ambivalent, you know, because sometimes there isn't
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  Speaker 5: there isn't enough conversation about mental.
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  Speaker 6: Health and mental health issues or mental health illness.
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  Speaker 5: There's not enough conversation about it, which is why people
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  Speaker 5: like myself who are advocates for mental health, we try
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  Speaker 5: to talk about mental health in a way that will
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  Speaker 5: normalize those conversations about health. So, and we all need
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  Speaker 5: to do that in your own circle or your own
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: sphere of influence, whether you're a faith based leader, whether
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  Speaker 5: you're a community advocate, a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, whatever,
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  Speaker 5: your sphere of influence is the people that you influence
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  Speaker 5: in some way some form. You need to have healthy
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  Speaker 5: conversations about.
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  Speaker 6: Mental health that does not make people feel.
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  Speaker 5: Ambivalent about coming forward and saying, hey, I'm just not
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  Speaker 5: okay emotionally, I'm not okay, I'm not doing well. I
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  Speaker 5: will say this for those people who are watching, those
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  Speaker 5: who may watch the replay. You have some sphere of
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  Speaker 5: influence in your house, with your family, with your children,
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  Speaker 5: with your neighbors, and we need to start having those
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  Speaker 5: conversations with those people that we are close to, you know,
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  Speaker 5: like your children, having regular conversations about their emotional health.
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  Speaker 1: You know where they are. How are you doing?
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  Speaker 6: How are you doing?
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  Speaker 1: You mentioned something normalized for some people. They live in.
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  Speaker 7: Situations or the life has just been like that, and
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  Speaker 7: the way that they may proceed it is that that
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  Speaker 7: that's normal for them.
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  Speaker 1: The things that may be happening to them around.
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  Speaker 7: Them, and they may consider that normal, where others may
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  Speaker 7: not consider that normal.
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  Speaker 1: Would that be a stigma?
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  Speaker 2: Uh?
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  Speaker 3: And silence because I'm wondering why do so many people
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  Speaker 3: continue to suffer in silence rather than reach out for support.
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  Speaker 3: And I'm wondering if it's because they're believing the same
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  Speaker 3: thing that it's normal, this is normal.
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  Speaker 1: You may look at one way.
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  Speaker 3: I may look at at another way that me doing
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  Speaker 3: this or feeling this way or acting this way is normal.
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  Speaker 3: But to you, as a professional, you may say that
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  Speaker 3: I could be suffering in silence. Why do some people
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  Speaker 3: suffer in silence rather.
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  Speaker 1: Than reach out for support? They do?
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  Speaker 2: They do that.
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  Speaker 5: They do that because of fear of judgment. They do
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  Speaker 5: that because of fear and of judgment, judgment by their coworkers,
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  Speaker 5: their colleagues, their family. Maybe you come from a family,
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  Speaker 5: so certain cultures don't believe in getting help or seeking
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  Speaker 5: help for mental health issues. Certain cultures believe you pray,
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  Speaker 5: you meditate. They don't believe in that. And so if
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  Speaker 5: you're a person that comes forward in your family, your community,
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  Speaker 5: or your culture and say I think that I want
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  Speaker 5: to seek out professional help for some of the issues
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  Speaker 5: or things that I'm experiencing you may encounter some rejection,
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  Speaker 5: you may encounter some people who may judge you. And
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  Speaker 5: so that's the number one reason why people don't seek
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  Speaker 5: out professional help when it comes to our emotional or
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  Speaker 5: mental well being, because they're in fear that they're going
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  Speaker 5: to be they're going to be judged.
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  Speaker 3: Do you believe that in communities of color that therapy
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  Speaker 3: is often stigmatized? I know at times, I know growing up,
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  Speaker 3: I would hear somebody would say, oh, this person is
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  Speaker 3: crazy or no, you would hear something else like I know,
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  Speaker 3: back a little further, maybe a little bit before my time,
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  Speaker 3: because I'm not going to try to tell my age,
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  Speaker 3: well I don't care age, but they would say that
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  Speaker 3: the person had they would see.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 3: They would use that term instead of saying giving it
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  Speaker 3: a terminology or diagnosis, they.
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  Speaker 1: Would say they were seen.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 3: Do you believe that in communities of African American I'm
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  Speaker 3: not just gonna say African American means of color, I
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  Speaker 3: would say it that way, that therapy is often stigmatized.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I do.
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  Speaker 5: I will say that over the recent years, as we
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  Speaker 5: become more aware about mental health issues, some of some
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  Speaker 5: of those ideologies have have changed have progressed some where
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  Speaker 5: people have now become a bit more accepting about mental
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  Speaker 5: health and mental health illnesses. And that's because we now
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  Speaker 5: talk about it more and that's how we normalize those conversations,
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  Speaker 5: just to be able to have those conversations. So but yes,
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  Speaker 5: even in twenty twenty five, in the African American community,
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  Speaker 5: we still have some ambivalence about people seeking out people
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  Speaker 5: seeking out help for those kinds those kinds of issues.
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  Speaker 5: Very often you would hear in the African American community
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  Speaker 5: people would say, well, just pray about it and you'll
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  Speaker 5: be all right. And I am certainly one in my
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  Speaker 5: own personal life that does adhere to prayer. I am
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  Speaker 5: a person that leads in prayer. But as a professional,
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  Speaker 5: I also know that prayer coupled along with working with
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  Speaker 5: a professional or working with a coach, a counselor, it
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  Speaker 5: can also help a person to navigate, UH through those issues.
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  Speaker 5: But to your question, yes, there's still very much so
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  Speaker 5: some ambivalents about African Americans seeking out, you know, help
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  Speaker 5: for their mental health issues. There are cultures, for example,
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  Speaker 5: in the Oriental culture that they're not there, they are
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  Speaker 5: not very open to seeking out mental health uh. They're
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  Speaker 5: not very open to that. So depend on your.
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  Speaker 1: Cultural upbringing and what you were raised, what you were taught.
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  Speaker 5: That will that may or may not make you ambivalent
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  Speaker 5: to seeking out professional help because you know, some people
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  Speaker 5: may feel well if I go to a doctor for
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: something like this, and this is a term that I
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  Speaker 5: don't use, but I'll only use it in this sense.
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  Speaker 5: It's because it's one that people are familiar with, that
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  Speaker 5: people know it.
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  Speaker 1: You know, if I go out and.
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  Speaker 5: Seek help, that means I'm crazy, or that means that
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  Speaker 5: other people will think that I'm.
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  Speaker 3: Crazy, which is why I said, so this is what
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  Speaker 3: is it more so the community has accepted it more?
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  Speaker 3: Or is it that it's the way the therapists may
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  Speaker 3: be speaking with the individual because as you mentioned, you're
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  Speaker 3: also well. I already said you were a powerhouse, but
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  Speaker 3: you also add Christianity to it. There's so many different
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  Speaker 3: types of therapists that offer services. Do you believe that
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  Speaker 3: the individual have to find for them or that I
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  Speaker 3: know therapy is not therapy because everybody is different in
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  Speaker 3: the way that they treat their clients, the way that
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: they see their clients, the way that or customers.
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  Speaker 1: I can stay maybe ten therapists in.
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  Speaker 3: One room and have a person that was diagnosed and
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  Speaker 3: each therapist could agree to it, but the person may
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  Speaker 3: feel more comfortable with maybe therapist number five and not
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  Speaker 3: therapists number six.
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  Speaker 1: Do you think it's because of maybe the values that
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  Speaker 1: they bring as well?
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  Speaker 5: Absolutely? Absolutely, therapists each you know, every therapist has a
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  Speaker 5: different modality that they operate in. For example, I am
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: a licensed Christian counselors as well as I practice community
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  Speaker 5: therapy or what people would call secular therapy, but I
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: am a licensed therapist that practice Bible based therapy as well.
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  Speaker 5: Then you have you know which which I'm really glad
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: about this, but now you have more African American professional therapists.
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  Speaker 1: That that that are available.
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  Speaker 5: And sometimes people want to want to want to have
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  Speaker 5: the opportunity to share their most private thoughts with someone
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  Speaker 5: who looks like them. You have, uh, you know, people
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  Speaker 5: are gender in the bias they want men to provide
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  Speaker 5: those services. So yes, Indeed, I recently spoke with someone
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  Speaker 5: and they had said that they were in therapy, and
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: I told them I was so proud of them for
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: acknowledging that they needed support, supportive services and they chose
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: therapy However, they mentioned that they stopped going to that therapist,
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  Speaker 5: and they mentioned they felt as though because that therapist
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: was of a different race and didn't get them. What
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: are some of the early signs that someone might be
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: struggling with their mental health or were struggling with maybe
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: choosing a therapist. Hmm, okay, well some of the some
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: of the some of the challenges with choosing a therapists.
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  Speaker 5: I mean, it's it's you know, it's going to be
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  Speaker 5: just like choosing a medical doctor. You know, sometimes you
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  Speaker 5: sometimes you won't know if it's a good fit until
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: you actually try it, you know, because also you have personalities,
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  Speaker 5: you know, they're there there. There may be some therapist
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  Speaker 5: depending upon their particular personality that may not that may
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  Speaker 5: not be a good fit for.
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  Speaker 1: You as a as a person. It's just really because with.
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  Speaker 5: People, and we relate or connect with different people based
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  Speaker 5: on that person's experience, based on that person's gender, based
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  Speaker 5: on that person's culture, and you know, we have a
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  Speaker 5: myriad of things that make us feel comfortable enough with
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  Speaker 5: a person to disclose a very private aspects about our life.
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  Speaker 5: So sometimes it's going to be a try. You know,
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: you're just going to try one person, it wasn't work,
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  Speaker 5: and you try somebody else. So sometimes it's just to
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: try a.
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  Speaker 1: Little bit of research with.
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  Speaker 3: Some individuals on mental illness or their mental health, whichever
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  Speaker 3: one they feel comfortable with saying. And I asked the question,
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  Speaker 3: is it that you stopped going to therapy because I'm
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  Speaker 3: gonna be a friend? I just came out and said
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: it to because they were telling you what you wanted
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: to hear, or that you felt uncomfortable with the individual
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: because of maybe sex or race or something. And they
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: had to sit and they looked them and they had
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: to think, and I said, you know, you don't have
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: to answer the question, you know, but with feelings though,
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: that could be the reason for your decision.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And they were honest with themselves. They said yes.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Some of them said yes, they were expecting that this
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: therapist would tell them certain things.
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  Speaker 1: Do you think that's the reason why some people shy
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  Speaker 1: away from therapy?
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  Speaker 5: Think that's the reason why some people shy away from therapists, pastors, teachers, trainers, coaches.
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  Speaker 5: I don't think it's just that they shy away from therapists.
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  Speaker 5: I think that sometimes, depending upon what a person's issues are,
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: they may shy away from anyone who maybe candid with them,
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: because now you're talking about getting to some causes, you know,
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: some underlying issues, and they're just some people who just
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: they just don't like that. But here's the thing I
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: want to say about that, when you really want to heal,
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  Speaker 5: so that's when you're tired of feeling the way you've
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: been feeling, operating the way you've been operating, getting the
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: responses you have been getting from family, friends, relationships or whatever,
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: You're going to open up yourself to someone to be
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: candid with you about what you're about, what you're dealing with.
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: But yes, to your question, I do think that that's
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: some people. But I think that's just not with therapists.
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  Speaker 5: I think that's with a whole lot of other people.
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  Speaker 3: So then how could we check in with ourselves or
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  Speaker 3: with our loved ones without judgment?
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  Speaker 5: Well, checking in with ourselves. You know, even with being
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: a therapist, everything is built on trust. You know, people
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: come to me and stay with me because they learn
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: how to trust me. So therapists have to build a
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: relationship with a person. You just don't you just aren't
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: providing a service. You're building a relationship with a person,
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: so that they give you.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: The opportunity to come into.
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  Speaker 5: Their lives and talk to them about very private things
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: in their lives. So I would say to your question
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  Speaker 5: that individual has to make up in their mind I
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  Speaker 5: need to trust somebody, and it's just a matter of
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  Speaker 5: who you're going to trust, because they really want to
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  Speaker 5: get well.
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  Speaker 1: So I hope that answers your question.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, important, hidden and fluid, silently thoughts, behaviors and relationships
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  Speaker 3: often long before we realize it's presence. How do unspoken trauma,
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: especially childhood or generational trauma show uping out everyday lines.
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  Speaker 5: So the thing about what you what you what you
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  Speaker 5: termed as unspoken trauma. So some people may have gone
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: through traumatic experiences, let's say, in their childhood, and they
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: may not they may not know that it was it
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: would be deemed as trauma depending upon their family unit
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  Speaker 5: or where they grew up. They may have seen, as
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: you mentioned earlier, they may have seen that as being normal,
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: and so they could have they could have encountered the
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: trauma when they were five, ten years old, or maybe
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: an adolescent, but I would say mostly a child, and
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: then they reached the age of thirty forty and they
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: start to realize that there are things in their life
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  Speaker 5: that seem to be dysfunctioning, you know, relationships, jobs, what
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: have you. And then that's when they that's when that
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: person begins to say I need to take a look back.
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  Speaker 5: But that the professional who's working with them helps them
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: to start taking a look back. You know, where did
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: the trauma come from? Where did the behaviors come from?
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: Because when people have certain behaviors, they just don't pop up.
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: I mean they come from They come from somewhere. You know,
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: people act the way they do for a reason. They
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: come from, They come from somewhere. It's just that sometimes
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: we're trying. Trauma can be so so so buried, so
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: deep that it may have happened to you as a child,
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: but you may not you may not realize it until
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: you become an adult.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Some people, I guess they're in denial.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: What role does denial play in preventing us from addressing
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: the cracks beneath our surface?
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Pun intended.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: Well, denial plays a very big part in it because,
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: especially if you have loved ones, family, friends, relationships where
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: people are telling you and you're hearing the same thing
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: from different people, it's it's it's it's always the same
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: kind of behavior that you're putting out, the same kinds
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: of responses. You're hearing that from people. And if you
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: just at a point where you just don't you know,
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: you're you're denying what people are saying. But everybody's saying it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: You know, that's going to that's going to prove to
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: be very problematic because you're not getting to.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: The core of the problem. You know, when you have to,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you have to.
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: Sit down with yourself and do some introspection. Most people
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: that come to me, you know, for therapy, they don't
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: necessarily know what's wrong. They just know that there's something wrong.
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: They don't know what's wrong, and that's what I'm there
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: for to help, so we can help. I can help
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: you figure out what's wrong. But they know something is wrong,
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: probably because they're friends. They've had lots of boyfriends or
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: husbands or wives or what have you. People have been
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: telling them the same thing. And so now this person says,
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: I can never do well in relationships. But everybody, every
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: partner I've been with that they're all saying the same thing.
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: So I'm here today because I need to figure out
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: what is actually going on with me because everybody's saying
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: the same thing.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: Stories and humanity are intertwined as the tales we tell
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: revealed the depths of our shied struggles, triumphs and dreams.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Without naming any name, you.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: Gear a story that illustrates either the cost of silence
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: or the power of speaking up.
• 26:13
  Speaker 7: Wow.
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: So the cost of silence, Okay, So I'll speak to that,
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: the cost of silence. I'll use the African diaspora, our
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: culture as a whole when we talk about the cost
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: of silence. Though I understand the why we have been silent.
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: I'll give you a prime example, our guests that are
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: on with us tonight. Sure, I'm sure that everybody if
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: I if I were, if they had microphones and could speak,
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: we all could could finish this sentence if I started it,
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: and if I said, how many of you know how
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: to finish this sentence? What goes on in this house?
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Everybody could probably answer that question. They could probably put
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: it in the chat. Everybody here is gonna say, what
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: goes on in this house stays in this house. So
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: as a culture, the African diaspora, we are infamous for that,
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: for keeping things silent. Though I understand our reason behind
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: why we have kept so much silence. Unfortunately, down through
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: the generations, our silence has cost us a lot because
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: we are now seeing that there is a lot of
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: Hitten trauma that we as a diaspora has experience, and
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: now we're seeing our great grandchildren the results of it,
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: our grandchildren, what have you some of the results of it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: So silence always costs us something, if it always costs
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: or something, which is why we do have to And
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: I don't mean this in a way that we have
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: to expose people per se, but if that's what you
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: need to do in or to get free, but we
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: do need to talk about what is happening with us
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: as an individual. So that's that's a that's a prime
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: example about the cost of silence.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: You you're you're so right because you mentioned.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: A statement I've heard over and over again, what happens
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: in this house, and it just brought me back to
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: my first book that I wrote in my mother's house.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: And when that book came out, many have said, what
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: happens in the house stays in the house. You should
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: have never wrote the book. But it freed me, you know,
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: I I it wasn't about telling on anyone else or
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: saying anything about anyone. That was never put out that way.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Many may have taken it that way, but it wasn't.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: It was what happens in this house, what happens in
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: the house to me, what happened in what was going
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: on with me? I wanted, and it wasn't meant for
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: it to be public, to tell you the truth, It
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: was initially meant for it to be for my children
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: and my grandchildren. At the time, I didn't have any,
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: but I wanted it to be a part of my legacy,
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: and I just wanted them to know who I was
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: and what was going on in my life. Hopefully that
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: if things like that were happening, because things are generational
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: to them or around them, they would understand where it
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: came from, and they would understand that it's okay to
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: get help, it's okay to ask for help, It's okay.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: When I say expose yourself, I'm not talking about indecent exposure.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: There's indecent exposure, and then there is indecent exposure. And
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: some of the things that I revealed was inappropriately indecent.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: So what happened in my mother's house, I decided to share,
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: and I decided to free myself with that. So others
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: may not feel as though that what happens in the
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: house to stay down. But think about it this way.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: I don't like using the word, so I'll just say
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: the letter. Sometimes children are told that what happens in
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: this house stays in this house, and they don't want
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: to mention that they were I would say, instead of
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: the R word, that they were tampered with. So it's
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: hard to tell your child what happens in this house
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: stays in the house. There's certain things that do need
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: to come out because if they don't, then they stay silent.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: And I'm a product of that. I stayed silent for
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: over forty years. Some people may say, well, why did
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: you just say something? Now, why did you say something?
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Then embedded in my head was what happens in this
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: house stays in this house. So you know, for all
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: the little girls and little boys out there, it's okay,
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: you know, to reveal what you need to do real
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: if it's going to free you. And that I wish
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: I would have. I guess I would say taught myself that,
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: but I had to go through a journey in order
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: to get myself to be right, to be able to
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: say it was okay for me to be okay, and
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: taking steps towards hell. It begins with acknowledging the pain,
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: embracing self, compassion, and choosing.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Growth one moment at a time.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: For someone listening tonight who realizes they've been silent about
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: these struggles, what's the very first step they can take?
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: Well, and again I want to say, I applaud you
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: for writing that book, But the very first step that
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: they can take, which is the first step that any
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: of us take if we're seeking out any kind of
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: professional help, is to identify that there are that there
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: are problems. Identify that and not I identify that and
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: not try to stay silent to yourself. You're the first
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: person that you need to speak to, so that I
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: would say that would be the initial thing. It's you're
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: the first person that you need to speak to, because
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: oftentimes what hinders us or disallows us from speaking is
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: because we're listening to the voices of others, which those
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: voices are very, very strong. So I would say the
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: first step is to speak to yourself, have that conversation
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: with yourself, and if there's something wrong, if you tell
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: yourself there is something wrong.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: I may not know what that is.
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: I may not know what that something is, but there
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: is something wrong. And I would say journaling is a
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: very powerful thing. You know, perhaps you want a journal,
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: write your thoughts down, write down what has happened to you.
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: That may be another powerful things. But those I would
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: say the very first two things. And if you have
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: a trusted person in your life that you feel comfortable.
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: It may not be a therapist at that point, but
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: if you have a trusted person, that trusted person could
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: be your husband.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: Let's say, for instance, you're you're married to an individual
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: and you start to notice certain behaviors with that individual,
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: and that individual now begins to want to disclose, you know,
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: things that happen to them in their childhood or something
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: like that. So I would certainly say, you know, having
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: a trusted individual sister, friend, brother, a trusted individual pastor
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: or something like that, who may in turn say, hey,
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: I'm here for you to support you, but I do
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: think that you need to seek.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: Out some professional help.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: So those are some practical tunes or evenly ships that
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: doctors had recommended, and that starts the journey towards a
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: better mental health, and it's no shame in that and
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: admitting even to yourself that you need help.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I need help.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: You may you need help with directions, you need help
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: with crossword puzzles.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: You need help if you have that. And I say
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: it this way, and I say it to many people.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: If you had a headache, you would take medication because
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: that helps that portion of your mental health, because that is.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: A part of your mental health.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: So to acknowledge that there's no sham in it it
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: all now no, Doctor Stevens helped us understand that mental
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: health isn't a weakness. It's a part about overall wellbeing.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: And silence, while it may feel safe, doesn't protect us.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: It isolates us.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: So this week I encourage you to ask yourself, where
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: in my life have I been silent about my pain?
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Doctor Stevens.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: Before we wrap up, could you please share with our
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: viewers and listeners how they can connect with you, whether
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: it's through your website, social media platform, or upcoming events
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: so they can continue to benefit from the powerful work
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: you do.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: Sure so, uh, you can reach out to me and
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: connect with me via my website which is doctor no
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: Dot just doctor Carolyn Stevens dot com.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Send me a message there.
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: You can also find me on social media on Facebook
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: under doctor Carolyn Stevens.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I have a therapy.
• 35:38
  Speaker 5: Page there where I offer different coping strategies, different wellness tips.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: You can offer that.
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: Next month, I will be on the Dope Living podcast
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: with a segment called mind Matters where I'll be talking
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: to the community out mental health, in wellness and so
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: join me on Facebook look out for that. Join me
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: on Facebook with that, but certainly by all means you
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: can reach out to me via my website again, it's
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: doctor Carolyn Stevens dot com.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: I'm hoping you guys who have watched this have taken
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: it all in and if you have not been able
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: to catch it all, just watch us on the replay
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: and you can get all the information dances. At this time,
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: I usually just close out, but I'm going to invite
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: you all to join us. On Friday, September nineteenth, I
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: will be here doing a live show, but what I
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: will have up is a slide show. It's actually a
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: memorial honoring my beloved son, Cordell, who passed away last Saturday.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: So I won't be available to you all, but I
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: will be back, so I would like for you to
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: join us on October third for Part two with Doctor Steve.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Will guide us to explore trauma, resilience, and a heavy
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: burdens so many of us carry. Because awareness is only
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: the beginning, true healing requires action.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: And as always, thanks for keeping face. So good night
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: and enjoy your weekend. Good Night everyone, good night