Latest / Loose Threads & Stitches: A Quilting Podcast / Episode 38: The Quilting Mindset Shift That Changed How I Create

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Episode 38: The Quilting Mindset Shift That Changed How I Create · Loose Threads & Stitches: A Quilting Podcast

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  When something feels hard.
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  Do you notice how quickly your brain tries to explain it?
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  Not just solve it.
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  Explain it.
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  Why it is happening.
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  What it says about you.
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  What that means.
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  I've been.
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  I've been thinking about that instinct lately.
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  Because humans don't just experience struggle.
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  We narrate it.
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  We tell ourselves a story about it.
• 0:36
  Hey there.
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  Welcome back to the Loose Threads and Stitches podcast.
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  This episode continues the enough chapter in our limited series
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  exploring growth, identity, and the quiet hum
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  of more in modern day life.
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  We've talked about moving targets.
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  We've talked about wiring, we've talked about capacity.
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  And today we're stepping into something
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  that's, softer.
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  And that is the stories that we build when things feel difficult.
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  So if you've been following along with this,
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  limited series that we're doing, thank you so much.
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  And if something here resonates with you, sharing it
• 1:16
  with somebody that you care about is always, always, always appreciated.
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  Okay, let's talk about storylines today.
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  Humans are meaning making creatures, okay?
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  When something feels uncomfortable, uncertain or
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  off, we look for a reason.
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  We don't just let it be generally
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  okay, because explanation creates stability in our lives.
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  If I can explain why something feels hard,
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  it feels a whole lot less chaotic to me, even if the explanation isn't perfect.
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  Okay.
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  And that's not a weakness. Okay?
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  That's coherence.
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  We like coherence.
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  But here's where things get interesting.
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  If we don't account for context,
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  we often internalize the explanation.
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  If we don't account for overload,
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  we might assume incompetence.
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  if we don't account for shifting expectations,
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  we might assume inadequacy.
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  If we don't account for pace, we might assume weakness.
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  And slowly a storyline starts to form.
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  I'm behind.
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  I'm not disciplined enough.
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  I've always struggled with this, and once that storyline settles
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  in, it can feel factual
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  Even if it's not okay.
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  let me give you an example here.
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  Imagine someone, we'll call her Anna.
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  Okay?
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  Anna is a thoughtful, capable, creative.
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  Lately, she's been feeling very, very scattered.
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  She forgets small things.
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  she feels slightly behind compared to all of her other friends.
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  So she builds a story.
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  She says in her head.
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  I'm bad at managing my time.
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  I've never been the organized one.
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  I'm just. I'm not wired for this.
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  But what Anna hasn't fully included in this story is this
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  she's navigating a
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  really tough season in her life right now.
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  A season of change. Okay?
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  Her responsibilities have grown, her decision load has increased,
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  her phone rarely rests.
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  And it is always like at 8% by the end of the night.
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  Okay, her brain isn't broken.
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  It's full.
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  But the story she builds doesn't say
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  I'm carrying a whole lot more than I usually do.
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  It says I am the problem.
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  That's what happens when context is missing.
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  Stories can reduce shame.
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  Language can be clarifying.
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  But sometimes our first explanation is incomplete.
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  It's not wrong, it's just incomplete.
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  And when explanations are incomplete,
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  they can quietly intensify self-criticism.
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  Because self-blame feels solid,
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  it gives us something to fix.
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  In fixing feels productive.
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  But sometimes we are trying to fix a narrative that needs expanding,
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  not repairing.
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  This is one of the reasons that I truly love working with tangible materials.
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  If seams don't line up in quilting, there is context.
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  There is measurement, there is tension, there is fabric stretch.
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  We don't look at a crooked seam and say,
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  I am a complete failure.
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  Okay, at least not all of us.
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  Like we ask what?
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  What is made this happen?
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  Okay, that shift from identity
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  to influence is is powerful right.
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  What influenced this?
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  What caused this?
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  It's a gentler question than, well, I guess it's impossible for me
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  to sew a straight line and often, asking what caused this is
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  a much more accurate question, because technically you can sew a straight line.
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  You just may be off by, you know, half an inch or something like that.
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  All right, so if something is feeling really hard in your life right now
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  instead of immediately asking yourself
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  what is wrong with me,
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  maybe try
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  what is influencing this right now?
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  What season am I in what am I carrying?
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  What else is going on in my life that might be affecting this?
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  What expectations have shifted?
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  That question doesn't remove responsibility, okay?
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  It adds context, and context softens shame.
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  You are absolutely allowed to question the story.
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  You are allowed to revise it.
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  You are allowed to include more of the picture.
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  You're allowed to grow, but you are also allowed
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  to decide when you feel finished.
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  If you're keeping up with this series, that is the overarching
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  like message behind this whole series is
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  you are allowed to decide when you feel finished.
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  And, next week we're going to take a brief pause from the enough chapter,
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  and we're going to talk about something a little bit lighter, because I feel like
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  I'm throwing so much at you, even though it's like one episode a week right now.
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  I feel like I'm throwing so much like, deep thinking, deep thinking stuff at you,
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  and, I, I just, I just want to have some fun next week.
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  I have a little surprise for you.
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  So I'm telling you that just so you'll know and you won't, like.
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  Brace yourself. For what?
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  Whatever Christen's going to talk about next week with this.
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  Enough chapter.
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  And I know that I've heard so many people say
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  that they are really loving this chapter.
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  They're loving the deep, thoughtful questions that really make
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  your brain stretch and kind of,
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  think things through a little bit more.
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  And,
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  Actually, I wasn't going to
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  tell you all this story, but I think I think I'll go ahead and throw it in.
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  There is, so
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  another thing is when you're
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  being really hard on yourself and you're thinking, I just can't do this.
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  I'm not capable of this.
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  Why am I always I don't know, why am I always wrong?
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  I'm always late.
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  Why do I always rush through cutting or or sewing or something like that?
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  I, I would challenge you that.
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  We'll use our friend Anna here as an example.
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  So say Anna's going through a really hard time in her life, like we talked about.
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  If you were Anna's friend and she told you.
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  I just can't get any of this right.
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  I'm just a bad quilter.
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  Like, I'm just.
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  I can't do this, and I'm never meant to do this.
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  And you have the context of knowing everything else is going on
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  in her life right now.
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  Would
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  you sit there and agree with her and be like, yeah,
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  Anna, you just don't have it together like something's wrong with you.
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  Like get all of your get go find all your marbles
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  and bring them back because you don't have any of them.
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  You lost your marbles. All right, go get them. Go, go.
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  And then come back and talk to me.
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  That's not how you treat a friend. Right?
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  Like that would be ridiculous.
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  That would be so cruel of us to say that to another human being.
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  And I know, I know my friends
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  who are watching this video and are having this conversation with me right now.
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  You you would be mortified
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  to hear your own words say that to another person, right?
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  Like get yourself together.
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  This is ridiculous.
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  You know, she's going through a hard time
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  and you're still like, just pushing her further down right?
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  No. What would you do to poor Anna?
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  They're. You know, she's going through a hard time.
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  It's a hey, like, this isn't a big deal.
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  This is just fabric and thread.
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  If you need to go to an easier project, or if you just need to, like, quit
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  and go drink a cup of coffee or something like, that's totally fine too.
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  If you need a nap, that's totally fine too.
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  Like quilting should be a joyful activity.
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  It shouldn't be something that you bring you stress like be gentle on yourself.
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  Anna, like
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  this is a season right?
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  But we were talking about this in my Stitch Sister group the other night,
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  and that's why this came to mind, is like,
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  I personally have a
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  really hard time being that cheerleader for myself.
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  Okay.
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  Like if somebody else, if any one of my stitch sisters
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  in my membership group or anybody that is a close friend of mine came to me
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  and I knew that they were going through some hard times and they were just down
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  on themselves.
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  I wouldn't be that way.
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  I would immediately try and be their cheerleader and be like,
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  you're being way too hard on yourself.
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  Your expectations are too high,
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  and this is just not going to lead to good things for you, right?
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  But when it's me and I'm
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  thinking to myself like, what is wrong with me?
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  Well, could it be Christen that like, I don't know, let's just go into like
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  fictitious examples right here.
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  School has started.
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  Or maybe could it be that like, spring break is here
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  and the kids have things that they want to do and you no longer
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  wear like able to control your own schedule and like,
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  I mean, I don't know, like, a million things could be happening, you know,
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  you're expected to be here and here and here and here at the same time.
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  And, I don't know, somebody messed up the Google calendar.
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  It was me.
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  It was me.
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  In case you're wondering,
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  I messed up the Google calendar and double booked myself in many moments.
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  And, had to go sort through that mess because,
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  I can use the fact that, like, I had a concussion, I can use that.
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  I use that excuse until, like, it is no longer valid.
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  And I'm not sure that the day that it is no longer valid, is ever going to come
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  because it's a really handy excuse, and sometimes it does it.
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  Like I'm getting off topic here, but sometimes it really does work.
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  And that is what happened. But also,
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  maybe you can just be like, I don't know what happened.
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  Like, but giving yourself that grace the same that you would extend
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  to any other human being, even a stranger, if like Anna's
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  not even your friend, but you just see this woman having a hard time like
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  you would be nice to it, right? So.
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  Going along with today's
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  episode, be nice to yourself, too.
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  All right.
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  You need that same grace extended to Anna, extended to your own self.
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  Right.
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  And it's not because you are just completely incapable.
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  That context of what else is going on in your life right now
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  is a huge, huge thing right?
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  Think about that. Okay?
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  So maybe your story and the things that you are telling yourself
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  just need more context.
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  So that wraps up today.
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  I will see you next week on the Loose Threads and Stitches podcast,
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  and I am looking forward to it.
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  It's going to be a fun episode.
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  It's going to be a little bit of a mental break for all of us.
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  Okay? And I love you so much.
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  I will see you next week.
• 12:54
  I'm Christen with ISeeStarsQuilting.com.
• 12:56
  Make sure you're following this podcast and if you haven't already, leave a review
• 13:00
  on Apple Podcasts or Spotify so that this podcast reaches more people
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  who need to hear these good messages of,
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  hey, we're all
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  normal and we all struggle, but we don't have to do it alone.
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  And oftentimes you just need somebody who's on your side,
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  and I am happy to be that person for you if you just need somebody on your side.
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  Okay, I love you.
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  I'll see you next week.
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  Bye. You.