Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 66 - The Biggest Myths About Homeschool Socialization

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Ep. 66 - The Biggest Myths About Homeschool Socialization · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: You've been here before. Maybe it's a family dinner. The mashed potatoes are making their way around the table. Uncle Eric's cracking another one of his terrible jokes. And for once, everyone seems to be getting along.
• 0:13
  And then it happens. Someone casually turns to you and says, wait. So they're homeschooled. Right? You know what's coming.
• 0:21
  You could recite it in your sleep at this point, and here it is. But how are they gonna socialize? Hello, and welcome back to the Kristi Faith Show where we dismantle common homeschooling myths, tackle tough questions, and explore what it truly means to thrive as a homeschool family in today's world. I'm Kristi Faith, author, speaker, and founder of Thrive Homeschool Community. I'm glad you're here today because we're diving into one of the biggest and most persistent concerns people have about homeschooling, socialization.
• 0:51
  Yep. That one word that somehow manages to send homeschool parents into defense mode. The topic that can turn a peaceful family dinner into a full blown debate. The question that even the most confident homeschoolers can't seem to escape. We're so tired of the socialization question, but we still need to talk about it because it has a chokehold on society.
• 1:12
  And here's the thing. What if I told you that everything people assume about homeschoolers and socialization is based on a complete myth. Instead of being a disadvantage, homeschooling actually offers better, deeper, healthier, and more meaningful social experiences than traditional schooling ever could. Stick with me because today we're busting myths, digging into the research, and most importantly, arming you with all the confidence you need for the next time someone drops the question at the dinner table. Alright.
• 1:53
  Welcome to today's show. Are you ready? Let's get into it. Here's the reality. Most of us as homeschooling parents have faced the socialization question more times than we care to count.
• 2:04
  Some of you probably even have prepped responses ready to go, locked and loaded for these moments. Maybe if you're like me when I first started this homeschooling adventure, there's a small part of you that secretly wonders, do they have a point? Am I doing enough to prepare my kids socially? Will my kids grow up awkward, incapable of navigating friendships, or cut off from the big, wide, beautiful world of connections that everyone else takes for granted? And if you've yourself those questions, I want you to know something.
• 2:34
  That fear, that worry, it's not a sign that you're failing. It's a sign that you love your kids and you want to be intentional with their homeschooling and academic experience. It means you're thoughtful about their well-being, which already makes you an incredible parent. Seriously, you're probably crushing this homeschool thing. And second, and I really want you to hear this one, those fears that you're wrestling with, they've been built on some pretty colossal lies.
• 3:01
  Like, if you homeschool, your kid will never learn how to talk to another human being without causing an awkward silence. And I'm here to say, nope. Not true. We're gonna dismantle those myths together today. Before we get started, here's a promise from me to you.
• 3:16
  This conversation isn't about slapping a shiny positive spin on homeschooling just to make ourselves feel better. After all, we all want what's best for our kids. And if the research says otherwise, then there's work that we need to do as homeschoolers to make sure our kids experience healthy socialization. And I cannot stand toxic positivity, especially positivity that's based on no research. That is banned on my little corner of the Internet.
• 3:41
  That's not how I roll. I'm not here to tell you everything sunshine and rainbows. It's about digging into the real stuff, unpacking truth, and figuring out what's really fueling this socialization anxiety that society has, and honestly, we have ourselves. And spoiler, it's not what you think. By the end of this episode, my hope is that you'll feel equipped, encouraged, and, yes, even empowered to respond to the doubts and questions about homeschooling and socialization.
• 4:08
  And not just with confidence, but with a clear picture of how homeschooling actually nurtures better, richer, deeper, and more meaningful social connections than most people realize. And a lot of it is because society is used to school socialization, which I consider a fast food version of friendship and socialization, and what homeschoolers can build for our families and our kids is a gourmet meal. To really unravel this question, we first have to understand where this concern really comes from. Why is this the question that seems to follow homeschool families everywhere? A big part of it, I think, comes down to how we as a society define socialization.
• 4:47
  For generations, we've been taught to associate socialization with one particular specific setting, school, the classroom, the cafeteria, the chaotic hallways. Most of us grew up believing that school is where kids learn to make friends, resolve conflicts, and develop the skills they need to function in the real world. By the way, the real world argument is honestly one of my favorites because if you look at the environment of the school setting, it is nothing like the real world. I often joke, I'm preparing my kids for the real world because actually live in it. The idea of socialization goes something like this.
• 5:24
  If you take a kid out of that environment, they'll be socially stunted. No locker drama, unprepared for life. No prom night, Clearly missing out. No navigating clicks, bullies, and popularity contests. Well, how will they survive without this essential training?
• 5:40
  How will they toughen up? But here's where the narrative starts to unravel. Think back to your own school days. For me, it wasn't the utopia of meaningful friendships and cheerful collaboration. It was passing notes behind the teacher's back and hoping that we wouldn't get caught.
• 5:55
  It was sitting in the back row trying to avoid eye contact with classmates who might make fun of me during recess. It was navigating where I could and couldn't sit in the lunchroom because the clicks weren't exactly open to outsiders. It was survival of the fittest. And overall, I had a pretty typical social experience. I wasn't overly bullied.
• 6:13
  I had lots of friends, but still the environment was pretty toxic. And I know I'm probably not alone in describing my experience. If we're honest, I bet a lot of you have similar memories. Socialization in school is often accidental. It's based on proximity, not choice or quality.
• 6:29
  Just because kids are in the same room doesn't mean that they're learning empathy, healthy communication, or how to build true lasting connections. Often, they're learning quite the opposite, in fact. But the socialization thing really has a grip on people, doesn't it? Do they not see the metal detectors, rigid schedules, yard time disguised as recess, begging for permission to use the bathroom, assigned seating, roll call, single file marches down the hallways, and no eye contact unless you wanna be singled out as something else other than the real world, something that's intended to strip man of his humanity. All that's missing are the orange jumpsuits.
• 7:09
  This is exactly what I addressed in my socialization chapter of homeschool rising. If you haven't gotten my book yet, now is a great time. It's on Amazon Prime. I'll put the link in the show notes. The idea that socialization is a one size fits all concept is simply a myth.
• 7:24
  Schools may be seen as a ultimate training ground for social skills, but in reality, they often teach conformity more than healthy connection. When friendships are built around clicks and when pressure to fit in becomes the driving force, what looks like socializing is often surface level at best and damaging at worst. But here's the game changer I want you to take away from this conversation. Homeschooling doesn't eliminate social opportunities. It redefines them.
• 7:53
  It gives them meaning, and it teaches our children that connection isn't about squeezing into a mold. It's about thriving as your authentic self while building relationships intentionally and deeply. This idea of building authentic connections reminds me of one of the books highlighted in a previous episode that I've done. On that episode, I talked about a book called Hold On To Your Kids by doctor Gordon Neufeld and doctor Gabor Mate. If you haven't checked out that episode yet, I highly recommend it, and I'll put a link in the show notes.
• 8:24
  One big takeaway from this book, and it is not a homeschooling book, is this. Strong meaningful relationships between children and their parents provide the foundation for healthy social skills, and homeschooling is especially effective at fostering this connection. But don't just take my word for it. The research backs it up, and we'll get into that data right after a word from our sponsors. As a homes chool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs.
• 8:58
  With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine, and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum.
• 9:21
  Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BGU Press Homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age family together on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. To find out how BJU Press homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math?
• 10:04
  If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles. You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers. You guys, I want you to know about LearningRx, a proven program designed to help your child's cognitive skills, enabling them to think faster, learn more easily, and perform at their best. I'm talking getting real long term help here with things like ADHD and dyslexia. LearningRx is backed by thirty five years of research, and their results are transformative.
• 10:37
  Use code HOME 50 for $50 off your cognitive skills assessment. Go to LearningRx.com or click the link in the show notes. A study from the National Home Education Research Institute found that homeschooling children scored significantly higher than public school students in cooperation, assertiveness, empathy, and self control. This suggests that homeschooling fosters a rich environment for developing strong social skills without the toxic dynamics often found in the traditional classroom. Similarly, a study found that homeschooled children out perform their traditionally schooled peers in social competency.
• 11:13
  The study noted that public school environments often expose kids to negative social experiences like bullying and peer victimization, which can hinder their social development. And it doesn't stop in childhood. Research shows that young adults who were homeschooled are more engaged in their communities, volunteering, and participating in clubs at higher rates than their public schooled counterparts. This isn't just about having strong social skills. It's about cultivating the initiative to actively connect with the world around them.
• 11:45
  An article titled homeschooling affects social skills for the better highlights another key advantage. Home schooled children don't just form friendships across age groups, which let's be clear, they definitely do. They also tend to build deeper, more meaningful connections and show fewer antisocial traits than their public schooled peers. And let's not forget the socialization myth. In a classroom of 29 kids all your same age, that's not socialization.
• 12:13
  That's forced association. It's like being stuck in a room with people who have no choice but to exist together. That's not the foundation for healthy relationships. That's a crash course in survival or the hunger games. So what does this actually look like in action?
• 12:28
  What does healthy intentional socialization look like for a homeschooling family? We will get into that right after the break. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order.
• 12:56
  Until one day, I tried CTC Math. CTC Math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently. With CTC Math, your child is getting a top notch education, and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit CTCMath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes.
• 13:23
  I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not. Ninety eight percent of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Love Every. It's a phonics based program that follows the science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books.
• 13:54
  Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit Lovevery.com/ChristyFaith today and use code Christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by Lovevery. That's l0vevery.com/christyfaith. It looks like mornings spent collaborating with peers in a co op group to solve STEM challenges, afternoons devoted to volunteering at the local animal shelter, evenings playing board games as a family or attending community events that allow for authentic interaction with people from all walks of life. Homeschooling introduces children to the world, not just an age segregated classroom.
• 14:36
  And here's a fun fact that most people don't know. Homeschoolers often develop friendships that go far beyond surface level. They learn how to cultivate connections based on shared interests and true compatibility, not on who happens to sit next to them in homeroom. Take my own kids for example. For years, my son had a buddy who was several years younger, but they both loved stop motion movies and making them.
• 15:00
  Did their age gap really matter? Not one bit. Another one of my kids regularly chats with seniors at our local library about their favorite novels. These are relationships that build skills in emotional intelligence and respect. Skills I rarely saw modeled in my own school experience.
• 15:19
  And this leads us to another question homeschoolers get in relation to socialization. How will they be prepared for the real world if they're homeschooled? Well, I got some news for you. Homeschoolers are living in the real world every day. It boggles my mind that people think the school environment is preparation for the real world.
• 15:40
  It looks nothing like it. What it does prepare kids for is survival within itself. I would agree that it does that, but the real world? No way. Attending a school being hushed all day, being told you're not here to socialize, I remember saying that when I was a teacher, is not really setting up a relevant and healthy social environment that prepares children for the real world.
• 16:01
  When was the last time you were in a room with 29 people all your same age? Probably school and never again. And speaking of socialization, I also wanna address social connection for you, mama. Did you know that this is one of the main reasons why I started Thrive Homeschool Community? To make sure you had a tribe for yourself, and honestly, I needed one too.
• 16:23
  Yes. In Thrive, you get superb training and access to experts, but you also get community. So if you're needing more homeschool cheerleaders in your life, I'm gonna volunteer myself, and just know that we are just one click away. I'll put a link to Thrive Homeschool Community in the show notes. To wrap up, I wanna zoom out and ask this simple question.
• 16:45
  What is the end goal for socialization? What should you say when someone confronts you? Let's get deep for a minute here. Here's the answer I come back to time and time again. The goal is to build authentic, enriching relationships where our kids feel a sense of belonging, not the pressure to fit in.
• 17:04
  Homeschoolers don't just talk about preparing our kids for the real world. We're already living in it. The world isn't a locker lined hallway. It's family road trips, service projects, piano lessons, co ops, backyard science experiments, friends of different ages, serving. It's wide and beautiful and full of opportunity.
• 17:25
  And I wanna take a tangent here to talk about introverts and extroverts because I've heard on social media, oh, my kid is too extroverted to be homeschooled. I often think of the opposite. Oh, does that mean all introverted kids should be homeschooled then? Here's the thing about homeschooling because I have extroverted kids and I have introverted kids. I am an introvert myself.
• 17:45
  Here's the thing. When we homeschool, we can build the social experience that our children need and crave. Full stop. I was pretty miserable as an introvert going through public school with hundreds and hundreds of kids. I felt very lost and lonely.
• 18:02
  When we homeschool, we can give our extroverted kids exactly what they need. We can give our introverted kids exactly what they need as well. Homeschoolers may miss out on some of those school traditions, but honestly, people often think of sports. No. We do all the sports.
• 18:18
  You think of prom. We have homeschool prom. We have homeschool graduation. We have all of those things that school kids have too. I just got an email invite from my state organization to sign your seniors up for graduation.
• 18:29
  So even that whole missing out thing, it's an outdated argument. If you get that argument, say you have a spouse that's maybe not on board with homeschooling because they're worried about what your kids will miss out on. Here's some wisdom that I wanna share with you on that. Now don't say this to them because we don't want to trigger defensiveness, but it's actually a pretty scarcity fueled mindset to think that way because you're not viewing all the things and all those amazing and extra experiences that only homeschooled kids get. But here's the cool thing that homeschooled kids can get that is so much bigger and better.
• 19:05
  They're learning confidence. They're learning empathy. They're learning adaptability. They're growing into individuals who don't just survive socially, but thrive wholeheartedly. And sure, you're gonna get comments like, how will they toughen up if they're not in school?
• 19:21
  Here is where I want you to repeat after me. Your child does not have to experience trauma in order to learn how to survive in the real world. In fact, one could argue, and I won't argue today, that it either teaches you to be the bully or the doormat. And I think this is a major problem actually in society where people are not taught healthy socialization, and they're leaving the public school environment pretty wounded. And this is one of the reasons why people struggle so much in marriages and friendships in their adult life.
• 19:52
  So, of course, you're gonna hear, you homeschool? How are your kids gonna socialize? How are they gonna be prepared for the real world? You can just smile. You can say something positive like, oh, homeschooling allows me the opportunity to really meet my kids' social need and to pour into their emotional intelligence.
• 20:08
  And I love homeschooling for that because now you're not just explaining yourself, you're flipping the script. And remember, you're not alone on this homeschooling adventure. If you're looking for more community, we are here waiting for you. In fact, we've saved a seat. You can find like minded parents in Thrive Homeschool Community, and we are ready to walk this path with you and build your confidence through building your homeschooling skills.
• 20:32
  Thanks for joining me today. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend. And as always, shoot me your questions or stories. I'd love to hear them. Until next time, happy home schooling.