Latest / In His Circle / Seedlings: Helping Isn't Always Fixing | Ep 41

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Seedlings: Helping Isn't Always Fixing | Ep 41 · In His Circle

• 0:00
  Tiffany Windsor: Welcome to In His Circle Seedlings.
• 0:03
  Tiffany Windsor: I'm Tiffany Windsor, and this is where ordinary life and faith have a funny way of bumping into each other.
• 0:10
  Tiffany Windsor: And believe me, God has given me another story to tell you today.
• 0:15
  Tiffany Windsor: Helping isn't always fixing.
• 0:18
  Tiffany Windsor: Have you ever appointed yourself the CEO of other people's problems?
• 0:23
  Tiffany Windsor: No one asked you.
• 0:25
  Tiffany Windsor: There wasn't an election.
• 0:27
  Tiffany Windsor: You didn't even get a business card.
• 0:29
  Tiffany Windsor: Yet somehow, there you were, mentally rewriting conversations, planning family peace treaties, thinking, if everyone would just listen to me for about 15 minutes, I could straighten this whole thing out.
• 0:44
  Tiffany Windsor: Please tell me I'm not the only one.
• 0:46
  Tiffany Windsor: For years I honestly believed that was what loving people looked like.
• 0:51
  Tiffany Windsor: If someone was hurting, I wanted to help.
• 0:54
  Tiffany Windsor: If there was conflict, I wanted to smooth things over.
• 0:57
  Tiffany Windsor: If someone needed advice, oh I had advice.
• 1:01
  Tiffany Windsor: Usually before they even asked.
• 1:03
  Tiffany Windsor: I thought I was being loving.
• 1:06
  Tiffany Windsor: Looking back, I realized something.
• 1:08
  Tiffany Windsor: Somewhere along the way, I confused helping with fixing.
• 1:12
  Tiffany Windsor: And friends, those are not the same.
• 1:16
  Tiffany Windsor: Lately I've been hearing the same story over and over again.
• 1:19
  Tiffany Windsor: Adult children carrying hurts that started 20 or 30 years ago.
• 1:24
  Tiffany Windsor: Sisters who no longer speak.
• 1:27
  Tiffany Windsor: Parents estranged from their children.
• 1:29
  Tiffany Windsor: Families divided over politics.
• 1:32
  Tiffany Windsor: Money, misunderstandings, old wounds.
• 1:35
  Tiffany Windsor: And sometimes I don't think anyone even remembers how the whole thing started.
• 1:40
  Tiffany Windsor: It's almost like two people are standing on opposite sides of a canyon yelling, Well, you started it.
• 1:46
  Tiffany Windsor: No, you started it.
• 1:48
  Tiffany Windsor: Meanwhile, nobody remembers what it was.
• 1:51
  Tiffany Windsor: The older I get, the more I believe most family conflict isn't really about the thing everyone says it's about.
• 1:59
  Tiffany Windsor: Usually there's something much deeper underneath.
• 2:02
  Tiffany Windsor: The desire to be seen, the fear of rejection, the longing to feel understood, old hurts that never fully healed.
• 2:11
  Tiffany Windsor: I've watched enough families over the years to realize we inherit a lot more than eye color and grandma's chicken noodle recipe.
• 2:19
  Tiffany Windsor: We inherit patterns.
• 2:21
  Tiffany Windsor: Some families avoid conflict like it's poison ivy.
• 2:24
  Tiffany Windsor: Some families treat conflict like an Olympic sport.
• 2:28
  Tiffany Windsor: Some families never talk about difficult things.
• 2:31
  Tiffany Windsor: Others, well, they never stop talking about them.
• 2:34
  Tiffany Windsor: And somewhere in the middle, many of us quietly step into roles.
• 2:39
  Tiffany Windsor: For years, my role was the fixer.
• 2:42
  Tiffany Windsor: I made the phone calls, checked on everyone, tried to smooth things over, carried the emotional weight.
• 2:49
  Tiffany Windsor: If somebody was upset, I immediately started looking for duct tape.
• 2:53
  Tiffany Windsor: Not real duct tape, emotional duct tape.
• 2:56
  Tiffany Windsor: Maybe if I say this, maybe if they apologize, maybe if everyone comes to dinner, I had a solution for everything.
• 3:05
  Tiffany Windsor: At least I thought I did.
• 3:07
  Tiffany Windsor: Then one day during my prayer time, God gently reminded me of something.
• 3:12
  Tiffany Windsor: Tiffany, this isn't yours to carry.
• 3:16
  Tiffany Windsor: Not in an audible voice, just one of those quiet moments where the Holy Spirit gets your attention.
• 3:21
  Tiffany Windsor: And honestly, it was both freeing and a little insulting.
• 3:26
  Tiffany Windsor: Because apparently I wasn't running the universe after all.
• 3:29
  Tiffany Windsor: Who knew?
• 3:30
  Tiffany Windsor: That simple realization changed so much.
• 3:34
  Tiffany Windsor: I began noticing something.
• 3:36
  Tiffany Windsor: Most people aren't looking for someone to fix their problems.
• 3:40
  Tiffany Windsor: They want someone to listen.
• 3:42
  Tiffany Windsor: Someone who won't interrupt every 30 seconds with, well, here's what I do.
• 3:48
  Tiffany Windsor: They want to feel heard.
• 3:50
  Tiffany Windsor: They want to know they're not alone.
• 3:52
  Tiffany Windsor: Sometimes the greatest gift we can give another person isn't advice, it's simply our presence.
• 3:58
  Tiffany Windsor: As I've spent more time reading the gospels, I've noticed something beautiful about Jesus.
• 4:03
  Tiffany Windsor: He healed people, he taught people, he loved people, he spoke truth, but he never forced anyone to follow him.
• 4:11
  Tiffany Windsor: He invited, he loved, and then he allowed people to choose.
• 4:16
  Tiffany Windsor: That's been a huge lesson for me, because sometimes I think we accidentally assign ourselves jobs that belong to God.
• 4:24
  Tiffany Windsor: We think we're responsible for changing someone's heart, healing someone's pain, fixing someone's marriage, repairing someone's relationship with God.
• 4:34
  Tiffany Windsor: We're not.
• 4:35
  Tiffany Windsor: We can encourage, we can pray, we can love, but only God transforms hearts.
• 4:41
  Tiffany Windsor: One verse has become especially meaningful to me.
• 4:44
  Tiffany Windsor: Romans 12 18 says, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
• 4:52
  Tiffany Windsor: Did you catch that?
• 4:54
  Tiffany Windsor: As far as it depends on you, those words have become such a gift.
• 4:59
  Tiffany Windsor: I'm responsible for my words, my attitude, my forgiveness, my willingness to love.
• 5:06
  Tiffany Windsor: But I'm not responsible for another person's response.
• 5:10
  Tiffany Windsor: I can't make someone forgive.
• 5:12
  Tiffany Windsor: I can't make someone heal.
• 5:14
  Tiffany Windsor: I can't make someone choose peace.
• 5:16
  Tiffany Windsor: Only God can do that.
• 5:18
  Tiffany Windsor: And here's what surprised me.
• 5:20
  Tiffany Windsor: The less I tried to manage everyone else's relationships, the more peace I experienced myself.
• 5:26
  Tiffany Windsor: I slept better, I worried less.
• 5:29
  Tiffany Windsor: And instead of spending hours trying to figure out how to fix everyone, I spent more time praying for them.
• 5:36
  Tiffany Windsor: Now that's an exchange worth making.
• 5:39
  Tiffany Windsor: Instead of carrying people, I simply carry them to Jesus.
• 5:43
  Tiffany Windsor: And I've learned he's much better at carrying them than I ever was.
• 5:48
  Tiffany Windsor: Here's a circle sister prayer for you today.
• 5:51
  Tiffany Windsor: Heavenly Father, today we bring the people we love before you.
• 5:56
  Tiffany Windsor: Some of us have been carrying relationships that feel heavy for a very long time.
• 6:00
  Tiffany Windsor: We've worried, we've tried to fix things, replayed conversations, and wondered what else we could possibly do.
• 6:08
  Tiffany Windsor: Lord, gently remind us that you never asked us to carry burdens that belong to you.
• 6:14
  Tiffany Windsor: Help us to love well without trying to control.
• 6:17
  Tiffany Windsor: Help us to listen more than we speak.
• 6:21
  Tiffany Windsor: Help us to pray more than we worry.
• 6:23
  Tiffany Windsor: Give us wisdom to know when to step forward and when to step back.
• 6:28
  Tiffany Windsor: Where there are broken relationships, bring healing in your perfect time.
• 6:32
  Tiffany Windsor: Where there is hurt, bring comfort.
• 6:35
  Tiffany Windsor: Where there is misunderstanding, bring truth.
• 6:38
  Tiffany Windsor: And where there is fear, replace it with your peace.
• 6:42
  Tiffany Windsor: Most of all, teach us to trust you with the people we love, knowing that no one will ever care for them more than you do.
• 6:50
  Tiffany Windsor: We release them into your loving hands today.
• 6:53
  Tiffany Windsor: In Jesus' name, amen.
• 6:56
  Tiffany Windsor: Before I go today, I want to leave you with this.
• 6:59
  Tiffany Windsor: Maybe you've been carrying someone else's life on your shoulders for a long time.
• 7:04
  Tiffany Windsor: Maybe it's a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend.
• 7:08
  Tiffany Windsor: Can I gently encourage you today?
• 7:11
  Tiffany Windsor: Love them.
• 7:12
  Tiffany Windsor: Listen well, pray faithfully, be available, but don't believe their future depends on you.
• 7:18
  Tiffany Windsor: It doesn't.
• 7:19
  Tiffany Windsor: The Holy Spirit has always been much better at changing hearts than we are.
• 7:24
  Tiffany Windsor: The people we love have never truly belonged in our hands.
• 7:29
  Tiffany Windsor: They always belonged in his.
• 7:31
  Tiffany Windsor: These little episodes are called seedlings because that's exactly what they are: small seeds of faith, simple conversations that I hope God will plant deep in your heart and continue growing long after our time together ends.
• 7:45
  Tiffany Windsor: If today's episode encouraged you, I'd love to invite you to join me at inhiscircle.substack.com.
• 7:53
  Tiffany Windsor: That's where I share articles, reflections, and encouragement throughout the week as we continue growing in our faith together.
• 8:00
  Tiffany Windsor: If you'd like to connect with a wonderful community of women, leave a comment, or share one of your own God moments, let's meet up.
• 8:07
  Tiffany Windsor: You can join us for free or subscribe for expanded content.
• 8:12
  Tiffany Windsor: And one more thought: God sees you, he loves you, and he is faithfully leading your next step.
• 8:18
  Tiffany Windsor: Keep reading his word, keep listening for his voice, and keep walking in faith because we're all learning to walk faithfully one step at a time.
• 8:27
  Tiffany Windsor: Until next time, may God's peace be with you.
• 8:30
  Tiffany Windsor: I'm Tiffany Winds, and thank you for joining me in His Circle.