Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a First-Generation Professional
Transcript
- Lucas: So a listener wrote in last week — she's a first-generation professional, first in her family to work in a corporate office. She said, 'I feel like I'm missing a manual everyone else got.' And that really stuck with me. Luna: That's such a common feeling. I've heard it from friends, from colleagues, and honestly, I felt it myself early on. There's this invisible curriculum around networking, around mentorship, that nobody actually teaches you. Lucas: Exactly. And the data backs that up. Pew Research did a study in 2023 — first-generation college graduates had a median household income of about $67,000. Compare that to graduates whose parents also had a degree: $100,000. That's a third less, even with the same degree. Luna: A third less. That's not a small gap. And some of that is structural — less family financial support, maybe more debt — but a lot of it is network. Who you know, who can open doors, who can tell you how things really work. Lucas: Right. And that's where mentorship comes in. But the problem is, if you didn't grow up watching your parents navigate office politics, asking a senior person for their time can feel unnatural. It can feel like you're imposing. Luna: Yeah, the 'imposter syndrome' piece is huge. You're already worried you don't belong, and then you have to walk up to a VP and say, 'Teach me.' That takes real courage. Lucas: It does. And I want to be specific here, because 'find a mentor' is one of those pieces of advice that sounds simple but isn't. So let's talk about a framework I've seen work well — I call it the three-circle ask. Luna: I love a framework. What are the three circles? Lucas: First circle: identify the specific skill or knowledge gap you want to address. Not 'be a better leader' — that's too vague. Something like, 'I want to learn how to present financials to an executive audience.' Second circle: identify one person in your organization, or your extended network, who has that skill and might be open to sharing. Luna: So you're not just picking someone because they're senior. You're picking someone because they've solved a problem you're currently facing. Lucas: Exactly. Third circle: craft a request that's low effort for them. Not 'will you be my mentor?' — that's a big ask. Instead, 'I noticed your presentation to the leadership team last month. I'm preparing something similar. Could I buy you coffee for fifteen minutes to ask how you structured your argument?' Luna: That's a specific, time-boxed ask. It's respectful. And it gives the person an easy way to say yes, or even to say, 'I'm busy but maybe next month.' Lucas: Right. And from there, a relationship can grow. But you don't start with 'mentor me.' You start with a concrete, contained request. That's the three-circle ask. Luna: I think for first-gen professionals especially, the fear is: 'What if they say no?' And the answer is: they might. But you've lost nothing. And if they say yes, you've made a connection. Lucas: And you can learn from a no too. Sometimes the no comes with feedback — 'I'm not the right person, but talk to so-and-so.' That's still a win. Luna: Let's talk about employee resource groups, because I think they're underutilized for this. Many companies have ERGs for first-generation professionals, or for people of color, or for women in tech. Those are built-in mentoring communities. Lucas: That's a great point. At Bloomberg, we had an ERG for first-generation college graduates. I volunteered as a mentor through that program. And the structure made it easier — the mentee didn't have to cold-email anyone. They signed up, got matched, and we had a set schedule. Luna: So if you're at a larger company, check your internal ERG listings. Even if there isn't a formal mentorship program, attending events and just being present can connect you with people who get it. Lucas: And if you're at a smaller company or a startup, you might need to build your network externally. That's where industry associations, alumni groups, even LinkedIn can help. But the same principle applies — specific ask, low effort for them. Luna: One thing I want to add: don't overlook peer mentors. Sometimes the most helpful person is someone one or two years ahead of you, not ten. They remember what it's like to be where you are. Lucas: Absolutely. In fact, I'd argue that a peer mentor can be more accessible and more relatable. They might not have the title, but they have recent experience. And they're often more available. Luna: So to summarize what we've covered: use the three-circle ask, leverage employee resource groups, consider peer mentors, and remember that rejection is just data, not a verdict. Lucas: And one more thing — if you're listening and thinking, 'I wish I'd had this advice years ago,' you can still use it now. It's never too late to start building those relationships. Luna: You know, talking about this reminds me why we make this show the way we do. We deliberately don't run ads — no sponsors, no interruptions. We want the content to be pure, useful, and free for anyone who needs it. Lucas: And that's only possible because of listeners who choose to support us. If this episode, or any episode, has helped you think through a career move or a tough decision, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: It's a simple way to keep the show ad-free and focused on what matters — helping you navigate your career. No pressure, just if it feels right. Lucas: So back to mentoring. I want to share a story about a first-gen professional I mentored at Bloomberg. She was an analyst on the data team, incredibly sharp, but she was struggling with visibility. She'd do great work, but no one knew about it. Luna: That's such a common challenge. How did you help her? Lucas: We worked on what I call 'the weekly brag.' Every Friday, she'd write three bullet points in an email to her manager — not bragging, just documenting. 'This week I completed X analysis, which saved Y hours. I also helped Z team with a data pull.' It became a habit. Within a quarter, her manager started giving her more visible projects. Luna: That's smart. It's not about self-promotion in a cheesy way. It's about making your impact known. And for first-gen professionals, that can feel uncomfortable — like you're breaking some unwritten rule of humility. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where a mentor can help — they can give you permission to do what you already deserve to do. They can say, 'Yes, it's okay to send that email.' Sometimes that's all you need. Luna: I think there's also a role for sponsorship here — not just mentorship. A mentor gives advice. A sponsor uses their political capital to advocate for you. For first-gen professionals, having a sponsor can be a game-changer. Lucas: Totally. A sponsor might put your name forward for a stretch assignment, or recommend you for a promotion when you're not in the room. And that's often a natural evolution from a mentoring relationship. Once someone sees your work ethic and your potential, they're more likely to advocate for you. Luna: So if you're a first-gen professional listening, what's one action you can take this week? Lucas: I'd say: identify one skill gap, one person who fills that gap, and send them a low-effort request using the three-circle framework. That's it. One email. The rest will follow. Luna: And if you're already in a position to mentor, consider reaching out to ERGs or your alumni network. You might be exactly the person someone needs to hear from. Lucas: We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, keep building those connections.