Latest / Aired Out / Vermont Fatherhood - Josh Miller

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Vermont Fatherhood - Josh Miller · Aired Out

0:39
Speaker 1: I can't, can't, I can't taking.
1:41
Speaker 2: Yes, and a good morning to you as well. Thanks
1:45
Speaker 2: for sharing your Monday morning with me here at the
1:50
Speaker 2: Fly on the Wall Productions aired out podcast live from
1:53
Speaker 2: North Main Street in Barry. The weekend is over. Boy
1:57
Speaker 2: Rex and ed yesterday Flaphia and fighting at UFAI in
2:02
Speaker 2: Burlington did such a great job. More to come Sundays
2:05
Speaker 2: at around one point thirty. Really enjoyed listening to those
2:09
Speaker 2: boys yesterday. Today is National Scrabble Day. We've got two
2:14
Speaker 2: days until Texas are due, twenty seven days to Mother's Day,
2:19
Speaker 2: five days left to stop in Defecto Homes and enter
2:23
Speaker 2: to win the one hundred dollars gift certificate to Gusto's.
2:26
Speaker 2: It is week number four over there at Fecto's. Really
2:30
Speaker 2: cool things that they're doing. And don't forget This Friday,
2:33
Speaker 2: Potter's Angels is going to be my guest with a
2:37
Speaker 2: live raffle drawing right here the Packwalk in honor of Riley.
2:42
Speaker 2: We're gonna be talking about their efforts in creating a
2:45
Speaker 2: huge scholarship in her legacy. Lots going on this week.
2:49
Speaker 2: It is going to be a busy one. Noah Payette
2:52
Speaker 2: is going to be in here tomorrow. We're gonna be
2:54
Speaker 2: talking softball. We're gonna be talking more about the Dugout restaurant.
2:57
Speaker 2: We're gonna give you some updates on on Matt and
3:00
Speaker 2: my connections with Frank Malnetti, or a lack thereof. It's coming.
3:05
Speaker 2: We got a busy, busy, busy week for you. Forty
3:09
Speaker 2: five degrees right now, sixty five later today with clouds
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Speaker 2: and showers tonight, cloudy in fifty rain and afternoon thunderstorms
3:20
Speaker 2: tomorrow seventy degrees. Though, enjoy it, just enjoy it. Doesn't
3:25
Speaker 2: matter that it's rain and cloudy in sixty seven on Wednesday,
3:28
Speaker 2: rain and seventy on Thursday, and rain and sixty six
3:33
Speaker 2: on Friday. But look at this, all the rain. We're
3:37
Speaker 2: gonna have lots of green up going on. Right We're
3:39
Speaker 2: gonna be mowing lawns before we know it, and the
3:43
Speaker 2: blackflies are gonna be out. Five dollars Mondays at the Paramount.
3:48
Speaker 2: Yes it is Monday, so please think about this. Get
3:53
Speaker 2: to a movie, the weather forecast. Look at this perfect
3:56
Speaker 2: it's a perfect forecast for getting to the movies. Five
3:59
Speaker 2: dollars at the Paramount right here in Barry Mondays only,
4:04
Speaker 2: you can catch the latest flicks FGB Theaters dot com.
4:09
Speaker 2: Find out in advance. Paramount Twin in Barry Capital Theater
4:13
Speaker 2: in Montpelier, they're doing five dollars Tuesdays tomorrow over there,
4:18
Speaker 2: April thirteenth birthdays, we have Holly Anderson, Adam Senecal Boomer Morris,
4:25
Speaker 2: Julie Ackerman, Jenni Burrow, Brian Proof, Kenneth Hendrick, and Marilyn Davis.
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Speaker 2: Happy birthday to each of you. Second Monday of the month.
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Speaker 2: Is it already? And this is when I bring on
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Speaker 2: our good friend Josh Miller from Vermont Fatherhood, which is
4:47
Speaker 2: right here on North main Street. Tell us Josh exactly
4:50
Speaker 2: where if folks have not seen the sign, which many have,
4:54
Speaker 2: but if you haven't, where is Vermont Fatherhood?
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Speaker 3: Sure, Vermont father Like you said, on North Mainstream. It
5:00
Speaker 3: is right above Wabbie Jewelers. So if you're past, you're
5:05
Speaker 3: going between the Brito shop and subway, you'll find a
5:09
Speaker 3: big yellow shingle on the on the side of the
5:12
Speaker 3: building and there's a door.
5:16
Speaker 4: Just go upstairs. We're on the second floor.
5:18
Speaker 2: Who is uh? Who is Josh Miller? Who is this guy? Uh?
5:24
Speaker 2: That's with us on the couch this morning, and what
5:27
Speaker 2: has he brought to the city of Berry.
5:30
Speaker 4: Well, first thing, I'm a dad. Ah, So.
5:36
Speaker 3: If I were to just go through my my resume here,
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Speaker 3: I'm a dad. I have four boys, all kinds of
5:43
Speaker 3: ages from eleven to thirty four. So I've been panting
5:47
Speaker 3: for a while, and i have an almost four year
5:50
Speaker 3: old granddaughter, and you know, really been working with families and.
5:57
Speaker 4: Kids for a long time.
6:00
Speaker 3: And I just it's you know, so important to you know,
6:03
Speaker 3: invest in our family and how do we how do
6:06
Speaker 3: we do it better? How do we learn from all
6:07
Speaker 3: the stuff, all the mistakes and the trial and error
6:10
Speaker 3: and and uh so I just believe in, you know,
6:13
Speaker 3: being a being the best we can be.
6:14
Speaker 4: And and that's that's the deal.
6:16
Speaker 3: You know, Dad's coming through the door and and with
6:18
Speaker 3: whatever situation they have going on, you know, or if
6:23
Speaker 3: you're just looking for connection to come over and and
6:26
Speaker 3: have a couple.
6:27
Speaker 4: Of coffee and hang out and talk about being a dad.
6:29
Speaker 3: You know, if you just got all nothing but good stories,
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Speaker 3: come by and talk about all those great stories, milestones
6:33
Speaker 3: that your kids are going.
6:34
Speaker 2: Through, serious stories, funny stories, all stuff to learn from.
6:38
Speaker 4: All of it.
6:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you got a good dad joke, come through,
6:40
Speaker 3: because I don't have many, so I need I need
6:42
Speaker 3: to get some dad jokes.
6:44
Speaker 4: But really it's about coming in however.
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Speaker 3: You are, and and and you know, trying to work
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Speaker 3: on being a better dad and and just a better
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Speaker 3: man altogether.
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Speaker 2: So you started this nonprofit? What just just about a
6:56
Speaker 2: year ago? Right, it's about a year ago.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, we will be made for first is when I
7:00
Speaker 3: got the keys and uh so, yeah, I guess a
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Speaker 3: little anniversary coming up here.
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Speaker 2: So Tuesdays you're you're saying, that's kind of your your
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Speaker 2: open night for dad's to come by, grab some coffee.
7:13
Speaker 2: You've you've even got some childcare options, but and and
7:17
Speaker 2: maybe even some dinner and just to sit around and connect.
7:21
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, no, Tuesdays, I've been Tuesday is great.
7:24
Speaker 3: It's a dropping dad's group, dinner and childcare and and
7:29
Speaker 3: you know, it's it's really sort of the the main
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Speaker 3: thing of getting guys together, building a community of dads,
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Speaker 3: four dads by dads, and and uh and connecting with
7:41
Speaker 3: each other and and having some good food together and
7:44
Speaker 3: and uh so, but there is it's one of the
7:47
Speaker 3: times to come by. But it's a we get we
7:48
Speaker 3: get a we're getting a pile of guys coming through,
7:50
Speaker 3: and I think, really really doing connecting and I love it.
7:53
Speaker 3: I just am so Tuesday night, I go home and
7:55
Speaker 3: I'm just super psyche to see such a great turnout
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Speaker 3: and guys just really focus done.
8:00
Speaker 4: You know, how can they be better dads? And and
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Speaker 4: I love it. It's great group.
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Speaker 2: Again, was there a point, maybe a year ago or so,
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Speaker 2: where you were just like, man, this is uh, I
8:10
Speaker 2: don't know if this is gonna work out. Man, I
8:12
Speaker 2: mean it's like getting men together, uh, to to talk
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Speaker 2: and to reflect and to connect is not always the
8:21
Speaker 2: easiest thing. But look at this, I mean, huge success.
8:24
Speaker 2: But at one point, was there any point where you
8:26
Speaker 2: were just like, I don't know if this is gonna fly.
8:31
Speaker 3: I think I wanted, you know, I wanted, you know,
8:34
Speaker 3: once I opened the doors to see you guys come
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Speaker 3: in and kind of you know, knocking on the door
8:38
Speaker 3: and drinking all my coffee up is what I wanted. Uh,
8:42
Speaker 3: But I you know, so it started out a little slow,
8:46
Speaker 3: But no, I I I when I opened up shop,
8:49
Speaker 3: I sort of knew the deal and and that I
8:52
Speaker 3: know that you know, we need to work on being
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Speaker 3: better dads and the eventually they had come and and
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Speaker 3: they're showing up.
8:58
Speaker 4: So it's great and that's what that's why I asked
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Speaker 4: me to a show up.
9:01
Speaker 2: I've seen we're getting a question here is the program
9:04
Speaker 2: run on grants?
9:07
Speaker 4: Yeah? Uh, it does.
9:08
Speaker 3: There's a bit some grants, some some donors, foundations hopefully
9:13
Speaker 3: trying to get some money, you know, through the state,
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Speaker 3: whether it be through Department Mental Health, whether it be
9:17
Speaker 3: through d CF.
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Speaker 4: Really trying to work on a lot of different ways.
9:21
Speaker 3: You know, I'm looking for that million dollar donors someone
9:23
Speaker 3: to just rest of these the finances so I can
9:25
Speaker 3: do the work.
9:26
Speaker 4: But yeah, you know it's it's part of it is grants,
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Speaker 4: but not all of it.
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Speaker 2: Tosh just says, our family loves Josh. Josh has uh
9:35
Speaker 2: has helped my family for for so many things. You've
9:39
Speaker 2: done this. You've done this a lot for a lot
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Speaker 2: of families around here. And you you keep it real
9:45
Speaker 2: on the download and private, which I love you get
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Speaker 2: you get dads together and you guys, what what is uh,
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Speaker 2: what has talked about inside your walls stays right there
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Speaker 2: no matter what it is.
10:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's uh, you know, trying
10:02
Speaker 3: to be sacred and what you know, what's said here
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Speaker 3: stays here, and uh and and hope we can all
10:08
Speaker 3: uphold that. And you know, and at the same time, I,
10:12
Speaker 3: you know, I want people to know that good stuff
10:14
Speaker 3: is happening and guys are showing up, and that your
10:16
Speaker 3: people are welcome to come by and check it out,
10:18
Speaker 3: and and uh, you know, and you can doesn't have
10:21
Speaker 3: to come Tuesday night. There's plenty of times you could.
10:23
Speaker 3: You could just give me a call and say, hey,
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Speaker 3: I want to stop by you around and I'm happy
10:26
Speaker 3: to make time for you and and come hang out
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Speaker 3: on a Monday or Friday at ten thirty and we
10:32
Speaker 3: have a playgroup. Come hang out and play and see
10:36
Speaker 3: the space.
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Speaker 4: We got it. We did a lot of work on
10:38
Speaker 4: the space, so it's looking really good.
10:39
Speaker 2: Yeah. Question about ages, You know, your your dad, you've
10:48
Speaker 2: got an infant, or your dad you've got a fifteen
10:51
Speaker 2: year old who's driving your nuts? What is this? Is
10:56
Speaker 2: this we're hitting on all ages here, all ages.
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Speaker 4: Yep, even if dads who have adult children.
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Speaker 3: I actually I'm glad you brought that up because I
11:08
Speaker 3: just launched Thursday Drop in Dad's Raising teens. You know,
11:13
Speaker 3: so if you got teenagers and you're like, what the.
11:15
Speaker 4: Heck am I doing? Uh? And sometimes we lose touch
11:18
Speaker 4: with our teenagers.
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Speaker 3: They're just off in their world of whatever they're doing
11:21
Speaker 3: and and uh.
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Speaker 4: But it's the relationship is really important.
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Speaker 3: And so just having a you know, I'm gonna provide
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Speaker 3: some snacks new non Thursdays dad's dad's with teenage raising teenagers,
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Speaker 3: So happy to do that.
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Speaker 4: And also with you know, babies. I love babies.
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Speaker 3: So if you got babies, bring them over and and
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Speaker 3: we can talk about what's going on there and and
11:40
Speaker 3: anywhere in between.
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Speaker 4: So you know, we're we're always you know, as as dads.
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Speaker 4: You know, whether our.
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Speaker 3: Kids get older and and they have beards, we're still
11:49
Speaker 3: we're still there with them.
11:50
Speaker 4: And and that relationship is really important.
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Speaker 2: There's so many things to talk about here, and I
11:55
Speaker 2: enjoy my time with you so much. I enjoyed this
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Speaker 2: conversation so much much. A lot of this stuff is
12:02
Speaker 2: not easy to talk about, but you bring a wealth
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Speaker 2: of information, a wealth of knowledge direct life experience. Having
12:11
Speaker 2: you said, how many kits for for ranging an age.
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Speaker 4: From eleven to thirty four?
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Speaker 2: Eleven to thirty four, So look at and all boys,
12:20
Speaker 2: oh boys, all right. Really surprised that the gray hasn't
12:26
Speaker 2: come through more on you. But you bring so much
12:30
Speaker 2: to the table here, and you could literally sit and
12:34
Speaker 2: for lack of a better term, preach, share stories, reflect.
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Speaker 2: But the real gift here is to hear other dads
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Speaker 2: speak with other dads, yeah, and share their stories.
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Speaker 3: Exact And I love the way he said share stories.
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Speaker 3: I mean, it's all about sharing our story. It's so
12:53
Speaker 3: much about what's going on with us that day, what's
12:55
Speaker 3: going on this week, and what happened you know, twenty
12:58
Speaker 3: years ago, and how we were and and and so
13:01
Speaker 3: all that really matters. And be able to share those
13:03
Speaker 3: stories and come to a place where you feel welcomed
13:05
Speaker 3: and you those stories are you know, validated, they're they're important,
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Speaker 3: they're difficult, and to be able to be in a
13:13
Speaker 3: place of that's you're not judged for that. And and
13:15
Speaker 3: you know we carry a lot of it's a lot
13:17
Speaker 3: of pride and shame that goes on in our in
13:19
Speaker 3: our psyche. And and how do we just come in
13:21
Speaker 3: and and say what's going on? I always say, you know,
13:24
Speaker 3: I meet a guys, so what's your story? And they
13:27
Speaker 3: get a chance to kind of go into however they want,
13:29
Speaker 3: and the deeper they go, the better the work is
13:32
Speaker 3: for us, you know, kind of getting getting to the
13:35
Speaker 3: truth of the matter and and saying how can we
13:36
Speaker 3: how can we you know, what things do you have
13:38
Speaker 3: control over?
13:38
Speaker 4: And how can we do this better? A lot of
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Speaker 4: the onus is on the guys.
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Speaker 3: Circumstances are tough, but a lot of how do we
13:45
Speaker 3: work as guys to do what we can do? How
13:47
Speaker 3: do we respond better to our kids, you know, behaviors
13:50
Speaker 3: or challenges, whatever's going on, or co parenting all that
13:54
Speaker 3: that we have a lot of power to improve the
13:57
Speaker 3: way we do things co parenting.
14:00
Speaker 2: Everything is is not sunshine and roses all the time.
14:04
Speaker 2: Sometimes we're we're not together with our partners, but we
14:08
Speaker 2: still have the responsibility of being a dad, being a
14:12
Speaker 2: father and co parenting. And boy, that's that's tough. You've
14:18
Speaker 2: you've got to be kind of on the same page
14:22
Speaker 2: with the mom.
14:25
Speaker 3: The hope is that you The hope is, well, I
14:27
Speaker 3: think it's about you know, it's being on the same page,
14:30
Speaker 3: but it's also just collaborating and understanding expectations and communicating
14:34
Speaker 3: and you know, we get you know, we can get
14:37
Speaker 3: into power struggles with that and and really if we
14:39
Speaker 3: can really ultimately know what's you know, what's best, you know,
14:43
Speaker 3: how we work together to raise our kids the.
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Speaker 4: Best, and and if it's you know, sometimes we.
14:48
Speaker 3: Dig in and we want to be right and and
14:52
Speaker 3: and so that that, you know, can be challenging, you know,
14:56
Speaker 3: and and uh, you know, we kind of have some
14:58
Speaker 3: of our own priorities in the way of it. And
15:00
Speaker 3: it's a lot to partner with somebody and whether you're
15:03
Speaker 3: together or not, to come up with the same this
15:05
Speaker 3: is how we're going to do this, whether it's bedtime,
15:07
Speaker 3: whether it's what we put on the dinner table, how
15:09
Speaker 3: we deal with our finances. That's hard stuff. I mean,
15:12
Speaker 3: it is hard stuff. And you know, I don't want
15:15
Speaker 3: to have the answer for that, but how we go about.
15:17
Speaker 4: Doing it is really important. Yeah.
15:19
Speaker 3: Right, we don't need to be hurtful. We can just
15:22
Speaker 3: you know, let's figure it out. Sometimes we have to
15:24
Speaker 3: we have to lean in, so then we have to
15:25
Speaker 3: lean back and let things happen.
15:26
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I have an eleven year old little girl.
15:30
Speaker 2: I remember eleven years ago, you know, and kind of
15:35
Speaker 2: a late bloomer here as a dad myself, I was
15:41
Speaker 2: a little overwhelmed. You know. Here here I am thinking
15:45
Speaker 2: so in the beginning it's got to be just all
15:48
Speaker 2: about the diaper changing. I'm willing to do that. That's
15:52
Speaker 2: what else do I have to do? And quickly learned
15:57
Speaker 2: that there's a lot to do. There's a lot going
15:59
Speaker 2: on here. Those early years are so critical, and now
16:04
Speaker 2: at eleven years old. You and I had a conversation
16:09
Speaker 2: last month where you were saying some of these conversations.
16:16
Speaker 2: For example, Lily says to me it has been saying
16:21
Speaker 2: to me for a couple of months now. She's like,
16:23
Speaker 2: you know, Dad, fifth grade, we have a dance that's
16:27
Speaker 2: coming up. And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, big deal.
16:32
Speaker 2: But I know by the look on her face, and
16:34
Speaker 2: I know by the look on your face right now,
16:38
Speaker 2: that you know what she was trying to get at.
16:42
Speaker 2: There's a dance coming up that I'm just giving you
16:44
Speaker 2: a warning that I may or may not possibly be
16:48
Speaker 2: dancing with a boy. You said something to me the
16:54
Speaker 2: last time I had you on where you were like,
16:56
Speaker 2: you know, the way you react, the way you respond
17:01
Speaker 2: to your kids is everything, even when they come to
17:07
Speaker 2: you with with something that's pretty big or maybe pretty bad.
17:12
Speaker 2: Hey dad, I got in a car accident or whatever
17:15
Speaker 2: it may be. To take a deep breath first, and
17:23
Speaker 2: if you have questions, lead with a healthy amount of
17:31
Speaker 2: curiosity and not assumptions, but just follow up. Oh yeah,
17:37
Speaker 2: oh so there's this boy in your class. Oh yeah,
17:40
Speaker 2: he likes you. Oh that's great. Does he think you're cute?
17:42
Speaker 2: Oh that's that's cool.
17:44
Speaker 4: Yeah.
17:45
Speaker 2: The inside something else going on, and that's fine. Uh,
17:50
Speaker 2: but just be careful with the way you react. You
17:55
Speaker 2: what you want to build some trust, is what you
17:57
Speaker 2: were saying last time. Yeah, you want that to feel
18:00
Speaker 2: like they can continue on and tell you and tell
18:03
Speaker 2: you more.
18:04
Speaker 4: Yeah. I mean that's the deal.
18:06
Speaker 3: Is she you know, the positives that she's coming to
18:09
Speaker 3: you to let you know, and and she knows she
18:11
Speaker 3: knows a little bit of the gravity of it, you know,
18:13
Speaker 3: And and so she's tossed in the water, and how's
18:17
Speaker 3: it going? And and if you're like what, and you
18:19
Speaker 3: you know, you kind of freak out. You know, that
18:21
Speaker 3: might be the last time she lets you know about
18:23
Speaker 3: what's going on, you know, And so just I think
18:25
Speaker 3: that's important. And then I think the curiosity piece, you know, uh,
18:29
Speaker 3: you know, is there someone you might be interested in her,
18:31
Speaker 3: you know, like what's his name? Or you know, like
18:34
Speaker 3: what do you like about him? Or you know, things
18:36
Speaker 3: like that, and and and you know it's I think
18:40
Speaker 3: that is important. And and then you can you know,
18:43
Speaker 3: leave your two cents of wisdom at the end of it,
18:44
Speaker 3: you know, saying all right, well, I hope you make
18:46
Speaker 3: sure you have a good time, that he's a nice guy.
18:48
Speaker 4: And whatever the things are that you want to say, and.
18:51
Speaker 3: Those words will matter because you've left this this bridge
18:54
Speaker 3: open for that conversation.
18:55
Speaker 4: I think.
18:55
Speaker 2: So I've even said, hey, why don't you invite him to,
18:59
Speaker 2: you know, uh, come over someday after school hang out,
19:03
Speaker 2: you know, I mean go down and play in the
19:05
Speaker 2: river or whatever. Uh really got really yeah, I don't
19:08
Speaker 2: care that it's a boy. Did I just say that?
19:13
Speaker 4: Yeah?
19:13
Speaker 2: But but this is the kind of stuff where you
19:16
Speaker 2: got to just be You got to be kind of
19:17
Speaker 2: careful with how you react. You don't want to say, well,
19:21
Speaker 2: when he comes here, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna
19:24
Speaker 2: I'm gonna scare him. I'm gonna, you know, uh, suggest
19:30
Speaker 2: this or that. You know, you just you've got to
19:32
Speaker 2: be you got to be careful because you'll scare your
19:35
Speaker 2: kid away real fast.
19:36
Speaker 4: Yeah.
19:37
Speaker 3: No, I think it's important to you know, be thoughtful
19:39
Speaker 3: and respectful of her what you know, what's going on
19:42
Speaker 3: and and uh, like I said, you know.
19:44
Speaker 4: That that's that's that's actually an easy question.
19:47
Speaker 3: You know, two three years from now the question has
19:49
Speaker 3: become a little different and so you know how to
19:52
Speaker 3: navigate that stuff and and uh and and also you
19:56
Speaker 3: know with your with your wife, like how do you know,
19:58
Speaker 3: both have different you know, you're gonna give her some
20:00
Speaker 3: different ideas.
20:01
Speaker 4: And and she'll form her own.
20:03
Speaker 3: Values and ideas and behavior based on you know, a
20:06
Speaker 3: lot of what you say, and sometimes against what you say.
20:08
Speaker 3: But but I think that you're there and let her
20:10
Speaker 3: know that you know, you know, just you love her
20:12
Speaker 3: and and you care about her and wanted to have
20:13
Speaker 3: a good time and you know, have be around nice people,
20:17
Speaker 3: people that treat her well.
20:18
Speaker 2: There were two things last night that took place at
20:22
Speaker 2: my house that made me think of you and the
20:25
Speaker 2: fact that I was going to have you on the
20:27
Speaker 2: air this morning. One of them was Lily said to me, Dad,
20:33
Speaker 2: do you do you think that someday I'm going to
20:37
Speaker 2: be a mom? And I said, I do, but even
20:43
Speaker 2: if you don't, that's that's okay as well. And she said, well,
20:46
Speaker 2: do you think i'll have? How many kids do you
20:48
Speaker 2: think i'll have? And I said, you know, who knows.
20:52
Speaker 2: I mean, you could have four. And she's like, well,
20:54
Speaker 2: you know, I really would like two boys and two girls.
20:58
Speaker 2: And then you know, she's running for the list of names,
21:01
Speaker 2: and I'm you know, a few more grays are coming out.
21:05
Speaker 2: I could feel them growing on the top of my head.
21:08
Speaker 2: And then she said something to the effect of I
21:20
Speaker 2: hope that it will happen. And I reiterated, well, even
21:26
Speaker 2: if you don't become a mom, you'll be a great
21:31
Speaker 2: human being and you will help other people. And then
21:38
Speaker 2: I said to her, if you become a mom, there
21:45
Speaker 2: will be nothing greater that you will ever be. And
21:52
Speaker 2: she stopped and looked at me and she said, well,
21:57
Speaker 2: not really, dad, I could become the president of the
22:01
Speaker 2: United States. And I said, come over here and have
22:05
Speaker 2: a seat, and she sat out and I was like,
22:07
Speaker 2: here it is. This is an opportunity. I'm not going
22:10
Speaker 2: to waste this one. And I said, let me tell
22:13
Speaker 2: you something right now, you could become the president of
22:17
Speaker 2: the United States. But being a parent, will never nothing
22:28
Speaker 2: will ever be more important than being a parent. You'll
22:32
Speaker 2: be a parent first before you'll be the president of
22:35
Speaker 2: the United States, and it will be more important than
22:40
Speaker 2: being the president of the United States. And she kind
22:43
Speaker 2: of looked at me like, how is that possible. That
22:48
Speaker 2: was one of the conversations, and we continued to talk
22:51
Speaker 2: about that a little bit last night. The other one
22:53
Speaker 2: was when I was putting her to bed last night,
22:59
Speaker 2: she said to me, out of the blue, it's always man,
23:04
Speaker 2: it's like, we got to have we got to have
23:06
Speaker 2: our guard up. We've got to be ready as Dad's
23:08
Speaker 2: because sometimes we're gonna get a couple of zingers and
23:12
Speaker 2: we don't know when they're coming, she said to me,
23:17
Speaker 2: out of the blue. It was it was Dad, we're
23:23
Speaker 2: gonna have We're gonna have a garden this year, right, Yes, okay, Dad?
23:27
Speaker 2: Are we at war?
23:30
Speaker 4: Wow?
23:31
Speaker 2: And it came right after the garden one. It caught
23:34
Speaker 2: me way off guard. Yeah, so I know how I answered,
23:39
Speaker 2: I'll tell you, but before I do, please take the microphone.
23:47
Speaker 2: Well what would you have said?
23:49
Speaker 3: Well, first, I'll say is that you have a whole
23:51
Speaker 3: different set of questions that come at you than I have.
23:53
Speaker 4: Come at me. And I don't know if it's just
23:55
Speaker 4: the gender thing, but.
23:56
Speaker 3: Your your daughter has a lot of questions, and do
23:59
Speaker 3: not be surprised anymore because they're coming. You're just gonna
24:02
Speaker 3: sounds like you got those those in the same day.
24:04
Speaker 3: You are, you got a lot, you gotta you got
24:07
Speaker 3: a lot of a lot of things to think about.
24:08
Speaker 3: My kids asked questions about, you know, who's going to
24:10
Speaker 3: the playoffs in the NBA. So but uh, you know,
24:15
Speaker 3: I think again, like you have this great you know,
24:18
Speaker 3: avenue of you guys talking to her, asking questions and
24:21
Speaker 3: and and I think, you know, questions.
24:24
Speaker 4: About what's going on in the world. I mean, that's
24:26
Speaker 4: she's thinking big.
24:27
Speaker 3: I mean, she's like thinking about you know, I mean,
24:29
Speaker 3: obviously it's maybe something happened in school, like the president
24:32
Speaker 3: and and war and all those things. And I think,
24:35
Speaker 3: you know, one is you know, I mean, people can
24:37
Speaker 3: approachse it differently. You know, I'd be curious to what
24:39
Speaker 3: I do if that question was popped on me with
24:41
Speaker 3: my one of my boys or all of them.
24:43
Speaker 4: But I think if you just you know, like you know,
24:45
Speaker 4: telling me like, well we kind of.
24:48
Speaker 3: Are you know what I mean, Like, well, it's defined
24:50
Speaker 3: like you know, it's things are happening in the world
24:52
Speaker 3: that are you know, it's some tough stuff and and
24:55
Speaker 3: you know, again I think that curiosity of like, you
24:57
Speaker 3: know what, what have you heard about it?
24:58
Speaker 4: Like where did you you know what? What what came across
25:01
Speaker 4: your mind?
25:01
Speaker 3: Asked that question and just kind of see where she's at,
25:04
Speaker 3: because again we can jump to this. You could probably
25:07
Speaker 3: go on a ten minute monologue about war and the
25:10
Speaker 3: president and all this stuff without even knowing really where
25:13
Speaker 3: she was coming from with that. So I think in
25:15
Speaker 3: terms of you know, when we're in your best best
25:19
Speaker 3: like just being curious about what she was thinking about
25:21
Speaker 3: in that and and you know, see what she says
25:25
Speaker 3: and then respond to that rather than kind of your
25:27
Speaker 3: whole set of what you got going on in terms
25:29
Speaker 3: of you know, that part of our current events.
25:34
Speaker 4: But I think it's you know, she's she's super curious.
25:37
Speaker 4: She's she is.
25:39
Speaker 3: I mean, what a dynamo, you know, eleven year old,
25:41
Speaker 3: you know, to be thinking about all these things and
25:43
Speaker 3: then to think about being a mom, and and you
25:46
Speaker 3: know that that question of she wants four kids, I
25:48
Speaker 3: mean she has some things she's been I mean, these
25:50
Speaker 3: are things that maybe they popped impulsively into her mind.
25:53
Speaker 4: But I think she's been thinking.
25:54
Speaker 3: About like, oh, my mom's a mom. You know, I
25:56
Speaker 3: don't be a mom like, oh, you know one, maybe
25:59
Speaker 3: I want to have four kids. They don't have two girls.
26:01
Speaker 3: You know, Like she's got a lot going on. She's
26:03
Speaker 3: a bright girl and and curious and just you know,
26:07
Speaker 3: you know, lover her for it, love her for all
26:08
Speaker 3: that curiosity and and uh and you can say your
26:11
Speaker 3: piece too, I mean, don't be afraid to say, like, well,
26:13
Speaker 3: this is what I think about, you know.
26:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that depending on your your kid,
26:19
Speaker 2: I think they can handle more truth sometimes than we
26:24
Speaker 2: think they can handle. And we've got to use language
26:31
Speaker 2: that we feel is going to be processed well. And
26:39
Speaker 2: this is something that I know, whatever we talk about,
26:43
Speaker 2: I know my kid well enough to know that she's
26:46
Speaker 2: going to be thinking about this during the day today.
26:50
Speaker 2: I don't know what she's you know, I'm guessing that
26:53
Speaker 2: she's heard something at school, maybe she heard something on
26:59
Speaker 2: my on my satellite radio in my truck while we
27:02
Speaker 2: were driving. You never know what they're paying attention to,
27:06
Speaker 2: or a flash across the TV or something. Yeah, but
27:10
Speaker 2: it's it's like so basically I said, yes, we are,
27:17
Speaker 2: and she said with who and I told her and
27:22
Speaker 2: her next question was who's winning m and then she said,
27:31
Speaker 2: I'm scared. And you know, I it was really profound
27:37
Speaker 2: for me because I had to explain to her. I
27:39
Speaker 2: had to tell her there's nothing to be scared about,
27:48
Speaker 2: which I don't. I don't know if that was one
27:53
Speaker 2: hundred percent true.
27:54
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, now, there's definitely some but I felt like
27:57
Speaker 3: I had to say that, yeah, yeah, well I think
27:59
Speaker 3: that's three sureing here, you're safe, you're here, We're okay. Yeah,
28:02
Speaker 3: And I think that's that's you know, that's kind of
28:04
Speaker 3: what we do is company. If our kids are scared,
28:06
Speaker 3: we comfort them. That's our natural response to that. And
28:09
Speaker 3: I think that that's that's good. And it's like, you know,
28:11
Speaker 3: we are you know, and and you know and and
28:14
Speaker 3: you know, hopefully that's all you know that we're all
28:17
Speaker 3: good and and but you know, things are unpredictable in
28:19
Speaker 3: the world and and we are we are headed down
28:23
Speaker 3: some tricky water sometimes.
28:24
Speaker 4: When when we you know, when war is.
28:26
Speaker 3: Tough, you know, and things can come back to get
28:29
Speaker 3: us in that way, and hopefully we're okay.
28:31
Speaker 2: Though, well we did you know, she she asked, you know,
28:34
Speaker 2: how how far away is Iran? I said, on the
28:37
Speaker 2: other side of the planet. And I'm like, hopefully that's
28:42
Speaker 2: the end of this conversation. And she was like, well
28:46
Speaker 2: can they hurt us from that far away? And now
28:48
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, man, she is just not going to
28:50
Speaker 2: let she's not going to let this this go.
28:54
Speaker 4: Yeah.
28:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope you read a good bedtime story after that,
28:59
Speaker 3: something like the Eenstein Bears or something like that.
29:02
Speaker 4: Just it's off in the it's off in the conversation
29:04
Speaker 4: a little bit. And I'm like, is it.
29:05
Speaker 2: Too late to call Josh right now? Yeah?
29:10
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, you got big questions. It's and it's you know,
29:13
Speaker 4: it's good practice. I mean, you know, how do you
29:14
Speaker 4: have those conversations?
29:15
Speaker 3: You know, I don't want to say, like I said,
29:17
Speaker 3: you know, I got some I got some you know,
29:20
Speaker 3: little softball tosses coming to me about you know, what's
29:22
Speaker 3: going on. But you're you're getting some some good questions
29:25
Speaker 3: and and I think you're handling them great and and uh,
29:28
Speaker 3: you know, just see if you know, also talk to
29:31
Speaker 3: mom about you know, she's coming up with other questions
29:33
Speaker 3: like what what would you say in that you know, yeah,
29:36
Speaker 3: there you go, You're on it.
29:39
Speaker 2: As soon as I got in bed last night, I
29:41
Speaker 2: was like, hey, I need to give your heads up.
29:42
Speaker 2: This is what was just said and asked and here's
29:46
Speaker 2: how I answered. And oh man, the look on Hirlyn's face.
29:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's it's uh yeah, I think it's it's
29:56
Speaker 3: hard and and something stick with kids. You know sometimes
29:58
Speaker 3: that you know that fear or like, you know, the
30:01
Speaker 3: possibility of something can really stick and be anxious. But
30:03
Speaker 3: I think, you know, just just keep you know, reassuring
30:07
Speaker 3: her that she's safe and we're okay, and you know, well,
30:09
Speaker 3: you know, hopefully things will, you know, settle down and
30:12
Speaker 3: and you know, just so she's not carrying that from
30:17
Speaker 3: two different places, because you know, people can go with
30:20
Speaker 3: it and they can create, you know, some stress.
30:22
Speaker 2: I think it's, uh, it's important to to not overwhelm
30:26
Speaker 2: your kids with with too much information, but it's also
30:31
Speaker 2: important to not sugarcoat things, to be honest with them,
30:36
Speaker 2: and you know, hopefully they're they're they're at an age
30:44
Speaker 2: where they can handle the truth or some of it
30:49
Speaker 2: without going into all of the details of this. Are
30:53
Speaker 2: these the kinds of things that dads are talking about
30:57
Speaker 2: on Tuesday nights over from my father.
31:01
Speaker 3: You know, I think we haven't you know, it's it's uh,
31:05
Speaker 3: we were recently we were talking about trauma. We had
31:08
Speaker 3: a couple of folks come and and do a presentation
31:11
Speaker 3: about trauma and average childhood experiences.
31:13
Speaker 4: And that was really.
31:14
Speaker 3: Great and and you know that's to me, that was
31:16
Speaker 3: a you know, it's not intense in its own way,
31:21
Speaker 3: and but very also very like sort of I think
31:24
Speaker 3: a lot of guys were really like curious about that
31:26
Speaker 3: and and their own you know, their own childhood and
31:30
Speaker 3: how they raise their kids.
31:31
Speaker 4: And that's the whole idea is how do we do that?
31:32
Speaker 3: And and so it's not quite that conversation, but there is.
31:37
Speaker 3: It's funny because there's actually an activity I want to
31:39
Speaker 3: do where we our kids said, and I'm gonna I'm
31:41
Speaker 3: gonna use use one of yours. Is will say this
31:45
Speaker 3: is your You have to say you have a six
31:46
Speaker 3: year old kid and they say this to you, like
31:48
Speaker 3: I want a boyfriend or something like that, and so
31:51
Speaker 3: and so what's your response as a dad. And we
31:53
Speaker 3: do a role play where guys get to play that
31:55
Speaker 3: out and practice some.
31:56
Speaker 4: Of that stuff. So I've been wanting to it.
31:58
Speaker 3: I've been I think we're gonna do the next couple
32:00
Speaker 3: of weeks just so we can like how do we respond.
32:04
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of a lot of guys
32:06
Speaker 3: don't have those skills like ready to go, you know,
32:08
Speaker 3: and and sometimes we have our own stuff gets into
32:12
Speaker 3: that rather than kind of really listening to our kids
32:14
Speaker 3: about it. And and so I'm excited that it's really
32:18
Speaker 3: it's a lot of fun. It's fun watching because your
32:20
Speaker 3: dad's are role playing with dads, and so a dad
32:21
Speaker 3: might be role playing a six year old.
32:23
Speaker 4: So it's really cool. And it gets in to raise.
32:26
Speaker 3: The bar from like kind of light light things to heavier,
32:29
Speaker 3: more intense things about issues that are going on at home.
32:32
Speaker 3: And and but it's great practice. And I think I'll
32:35
Speaker 3: pop in a couple of years and I'll give you
32:37
Speaker 3: tell you what happens. You can show up and you
32:39
Speaker 3: could you can show guys how to do it.
32:41
Speaker 2: Man, I still I still say I'm playing it on
32:43
Speaker 2: doing that. So Tuesday nights at five o'clock, five o'clock,
32:47
Speaker 2: all right, And how long does that go for?
32:50
Speaker 4: Five to seven?
32:51
Speaker 2: Five to seven, all right? And tell me once again,
32:56
Speaker 2: what's happening other times during the week.
32:59
Speaker 4: Ye, so I'm usually there.
33:02
Speaker 3: I'm there every day Monday through Friday, generally kind of
33:05
Speaker 3: daytime hours, and I usually there, try to be there
33:09
Speaker 3: first thing in the morning if somebody want to stop
33:11
Speaker 3: by for coffee, kind of a coffee hours drop in.
33:13
Speaker 3: I have other times I'm around too that people could
33:15
Speaker 3: just stop by just you know, pop in and if
33:17
Speaker 3: I'm available and you know, we can hang out and chat.
33:20
Speaker 3: Thursday I mentioned the Dad's Raising Teenagers group. That's what
33:26
Speaker 3: twelve o'clock on Thursdays, I'll provide some food for us
33:30
Speaker 3: and coffee and tea or whatever. And mon Mondays and
33:33
Speaker 3: Fridays ten thirty to new and a playgroup for dads
33:38
Speaker 3: and young kids. Although this Friday I won't be there
33:40
Speaker 3: doing a training. But but those things are going on.
33:44
Speaker 3: And then in those times i'm doing, you know, might
33:47
Speaker 3: be doing a supervised visit with a dad. I might
33:48
Speaker 3: be home visiting a dad or a family and just
33:54
Speaker 3: trying to keep up with everything.
33:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're getting some some some real nice right now,
34:00
Speaker 2: ignition in our community. You've you're getting some media, You're
34:04
Speaker 2: getting some press, which is which is great. You just
34:06
Speaker 2: had a radio interview I think not too long ago.
34:10
Speaker 2: Was there an award or something that that you got
34:13
Speaker 2: some kind of recognition, but something that you were holding up.
34:16
Speaker 2: I saw it on Facebook.
34:18
Speaker 3: I was holding up something. I don't think I got
34:20
Speaker 3: any words. I don't think so. I think there was.
34:25
Speaker 3: You know, I've I've got a little bit of press here,
34:27
Speaker 3: more than I've gotten in this last year, more press
34:29
Speaker 3: than I've probably ever gotten in this work.
34:30
Speaker 2: But you or your maybe it was that you were
34:33
Speaker 2: a guest speaker.
34:35
Speaker 4: I was a guest speaker.
34:36
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think, Uh, gosh, I don't I can't
34:40
Speaker 3: even I can't remember, but I'll have to. I'll have
34:43
Speaker 3: to check the memory banks. But you know, I recently
34:46
Speaker 3: spoke at.
34:47
Speaker 4: The Rotary and the Bury Rotary there.
34:49
Speaker 3: And with them and and but I've done some presentations
34:53
Speaker 3: to a different places. But uh, but yeah, it's it's
34:57
Speaker 3: been great. Where's been out. People have been very welcoming
34:59
Speaker 3: here and area. I think people are really excited about
35:01
Speaker 3: this and be on to find supports for dads because
35:04
Speaker 3: sometimes they're like, oh and there's nothing in particular.
35:08
Speaker 4: But now there is.
35:09
Speaker 3: So I think whatever the scenario is, and you know,
35:12
Speaker 3: we've had some just just to put it out there,
35:14
Speaker 3: who this is open to.
35:15
Speaker 4: You know, it's you know, I've got I've got some.
35:17
Speaker 3: Guys who are older, guys who are foster parents, guys
35:20
Speaker 3: who you know might be an uncle.
35:21
Speaker 4: Like, there's a lot of different you know kind of it's.
35:24
Speaker 3: Not just dads, biological dads or just single dads. It's
35:28
Speaker 3: really open to anybody who's kind of providing that father
35:31
Speaker 3: figure to to to someone. And again, whether I met
35:36
Speaker 3: somebody the other day who is you know, has an
35:37
Speaker 3: adult child and just trying to reconnect with them, and
35:40
Speaker 3: and I think that's you know, really it's the wide
35:43
Speaker 3: range of what we could talk about.
35:46
Speaker 2: This can be something that really turns into something really wonderful.
35:52
Speaker 2: You're you're bringing this becoming a better dad, better human being.
35:57
Speaker 2: You're bringing that back to if you're mayor or you
36:00
Speaker 2: have a partner, you're bringing that back into the relationship.
36:04
Speaker 2: It's just positivity, man. Yeah, I love.
36:06
Speaker 4: That super important and you know a lot of guaranteed.
36:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's I think there's yeah, the return
36:13
Speaker 3: on investment is really good and and uh, we're actually
36:17
Speaker 3: holding first fundraiser May second at the Barry Social Club
36:21
Speaker 3: trying to you know, raise some money and raise awareness
36:24
Speaker 3: around the work.
36:26
Speaker 4: And you know it could be could be something big here.
36:28
Speaker 3: I really still a one man show, but you know
36:32
Speaker 3: there's there's a great need for it. And and I've
36:34
Speaker 3: been you know, doing work in different counties to support
36:37
Speaker 3: dads and so hopefully you know, continue to grow and
36:42
Speaker 3: be successful and and uh, you know, turn guys onto
36:46
Speaker 3: themselves and how good of a dad they can be.
36:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, great stuff, man, Thank you so much for coming
36:51
Speaker 2: in here. Josh Miller. Appreciate so much, not only for
36:57
Speaker 2: your time here, but you're just you're not stopped in
37:00
Speaker 2: our community.
37:01
Speaker 4: Man.
37:01
Speaker 2: What you're doing is really incredible. We're so lucky to
37:05
Speaker 2: have you. I'm gonna be keeping tabs on this May
37:09
Speaker 2: second fundraising fundraising effort over at the Social Club. You're
37:13
Speaker 2: gonna let me know about it, will and we'll be
37:15
Speaker 2: hammering that away. Thank you so much for coming in here.
37:18
Speaker 2: I appreciate it so much. Don't forget tomorrow, Noah pay
37:22
Speaker 2: It is going to be my guest tomorrow morning here
37:24
Speaker 2: on the aired Out podcast, A little bit of softball,
37:27
Speaker 2: a little bit of discussion on the Dugout restaurant, tomorrow.
37:32
Speaker 2: It is going to be something I look forward to it.
37:35
Speaker 2: I hope you do too. Enjoy the rest of your day,
37:37
Speaker 2: stay dry, rain in all week, but that's good news.
37:41
Speaker 2: Actually we need it. We'll see you as soon. God blessed,
37:44
Speaker 2: take good care.
38:05
Speaker 1: School Spook schooling school, schools, schools, schools, schools schools, Scho
38:18
Speaker 1: school school