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Free Yourself from Family Patterns & Embrace Sacred Intimacy · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Have you ever wondered if you're living life on your terms or someone else?
• 0:05
  Well buckle up because today's episode, we're peeling back those layers and tapping into liberating powers of simply being you.
• 0:15
  I've got a special guest joining me, the one and only Rhiah Kujat.
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  She's an environmentalist turned actor, turned trauma therapist, plus the author of Life's Poetic Glossary.
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  Who dives deep into the humanity behind everyday words.
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  Get ready for a conversation about healing, family dynamics, and the kind of sovereignty, you never knew you needed.
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  But stick around, by the end of our conversation, you might just discover that the best person you can betray is the old you holding you back.
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  Let's dig into the conversation now.
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  Rhiah Kujat welcome to Create the Best Me.
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  This is an honor and a privilege to have you on the show.
• 1:07
  Thank you so much for having me.
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  I'm delighted to dive into a very rich conversation with you.
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  I'm very excited to be here.
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  And so that the listeners and viewers become a fan just like me, could you please tell them a little bit about who you are and what you do?
• 1:25
  Absolutely.
• 1:26
  So my name is Rhiah and I have recently written a book called Life's Poetic Glossary, The Humanity of Everyday Words.
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  And I wrote this book because I wanted to give meaning to the unvoiced nuances of everyday words that we feel and experience every day, but rarely acknowledge.
• 1:50
  And I wrote this book from the lens of being a somatic practitioner.
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  So in my previous, coaching work that I was doing, I worked somatically with people to help them release tension and trauma, through their muscular, stories that they held inside.
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  And one of the richest and most powerful tools that I loved, being with, with my clients and using with my clients was this aspect of when we really deepen into the sensations of our bodies that allow us to feel expansive, pleasure, or aliveness, safety, especially when we become present with those sensations automatically, the tension and the pains, no matter the narratives that they hold, will release from our psyche and from our bodies in a very slow and titrated fashion without overwhelming the nervous system.
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  So I share this because I wrote this book, with that perspective of leaning into the expansive nature that words and language in general has to offer.
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  And thereby offering that more expanded sense of aliveness within us.
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  An expanded sense of direction in terms of who we are and where we're going, and what really, at the end of the day matters in our lives.
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  And I know from my own experience as a practitioner, but also as just like a regular human being, living life.
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  When I do that and when I allow myself to bask in those qualities, then automatically it offers a compass for my life.
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  And so that's a little bit about not just the book, but also my background in terms of how I applied my lens, from a therapeutic perspective.
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  And then from, you know, the lens of an artist and a poet.
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  I love the musicality of words.
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  I believe that each one has its own vibration and its own music to it that, we can connect with.
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  And again, allow words to be vehicles of expressing who we are in our most unfettered and free sense without, you know, let's say projections or without biases, without limitation.
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  Well, I'm gonna say this is a beautiful book.
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  Beautiful book, not just in the way, it looks to the eye, but the content inside it.
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  It was so beautiful.
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  I mean, like I mentioned to you before we started recording, I love this book.
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  This was a different type of read than I normally do because I had to get myself away from the noise, from the distraction so that I could feel like you and I were having this conversation.
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  And we were going through simple words and then digging deep into what that word really means, but with a positive spin at the end.
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  So it's just like, you might look at a word that may be like devastation.
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  There's a beauty behind the end of devastation.
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  And that's what I really, really loved about your book.
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  And I found myself reading several of the poems over and over, and every time I read it, I got a different perspective.
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  Or maybe, maybe not a different perspective, but a more deeper understanding of what you're trying to say in each poem.
• 5:42
  Oh, that's beautiful.
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  Thank you for sharing that reflection.
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  I really appreciate what you're touching upon in this, aspect of being very present and still and slowing down in order to receive the information in the book, the transmissions in the book.
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  And there is something, so life giving about that quality of being receptive and slowing down is an essential ingredient from my perspective.
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  On allowing ourselves to be receptive.
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  And then another, uh, point that I'd love to highlight that you've just articulated so brilliantly is that in every second or third read, you would get another angle or like another perspective in to the same line.
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  And I know for myself that when I've read, you know, a quote, even just a one line, it's potent, it's succinct.
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  I don't need to read a whole book, but it depends on what I'm experiencing in my life right then and there that will color how I'm receiving it with new eyes.
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  So I really appreciate that, you spoke to how, you know, language and words, and especially when it's something that touches us, it can have the effect of revisiting us with, you know, new perspective over and over again.
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  And, I definitely, as the writer of those words, I, myself experienced, renewed perspective in writing them every time I sat down at my desk to write about one word and attempt to define it more precisely than what the dictionary definition would offer to us.
• 7:41
  So that's a, that's a really wonderful, kind of insight and wisdom that, you've summarized.
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  I appreciate that, thank you.
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  Yeah, and it was almost like I was taking trip back to my younger self in some of the, passages.
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  It's like I was taking a step back to my younger self and I was seeing my younger self and then growing, you know, going through life's ups and downs.
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  Hmm.
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  And there was one in particular that I loved, I absolutely, really, really loved.
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  I was hoping to save this one to the end, but I just feel like, like I need to bring it to the forefront.
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  It was, it was page 161 where you talked about sovereignty.
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  Oh yeah, sovereignty.
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  I love this.
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  And I loved it because it is the master of not judging herself, for being different in the community, she grew up known as the status quo.
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  And what I loved about that was that, we grow up in our homes and our parents, you know, they parent us to be a certain way.
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  And then you know, that parenting moves on into our adolescence and as we become young adults, and I think that sometimes we become stuck in that Mm-hmm.
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  mold that our parents built for us.
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  But then we find ourselves in midlife Mm-hmm.
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  and we say, did I live for them or did I live for me?
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  Oh, well said.
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  And how can I live for me, but not hurt anyone in the process?
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  Oh, thank you for naming this and for extracting that understanding and framing it from those few lines.
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  My life has been about this work, about growing into sovereignty.
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  I know when you and I first connected we're both, talking about the topic of intimacy via email.
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  As a family constellation practitioner, my work was immersed in working with the dynamics that we adopt from our family systems that live inside of us.
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  That we are often not even aware of because it feels like love.
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  This was the first version of love that we've connected with and that we understand as a way of moving through the world.
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  And what's profound about this work, relationally especially, is that, when we see in our family systems how much as young children or teenagers, even young women and men, we are wired to belong to our families because it's such a core survival mechanism.
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  If we don't have our family, we won't survive, like it's literally down to life and death.
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  And so we, adopt these certain patterns of relating to love that are unconscious.
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  And when we see those ways that are unconscious outside of ourselves and getting a little bit of distance from them, it's super empowering because then we get the new choice of how to love without self-sacrifice, right?
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  That we may have been doing unconsciously because we're being loyal to our family system.
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  And that's kind of speaking to what you were mentioning about how do we, live and be the integrity towards love that we are without needing to do anything or continue to adopt ways that we have in the past where we're not, let's say hurting someone, a family member in this case.
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  And, it's such a profound journey when we can really understand that on a soul level.
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  Because in the process of owning our way and our true orientation towards love and just being the love that we are without adopted patterns or dynamics, we see there's feelings of guilt that come up because it's going against what we've been taught, or it's going against those who love us deeply, our family.
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  And so moving through those motions of guilt and being able to see guilt as not something that's going to suppress and deny us, but actually a guidepost of where we can take responsibility for our true nature.
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  That's beyond what we've learned.
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  And then it's also a very uncomfortable feeling, guilt.
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  And so one of my poems is about guilt because I'm so passionate about this delineation of having an association with a word that we're normally using in terms of what's morally right and wrong without necessarily examining where we've adopted these concepts of right and wrong.
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  We just know that we belong as soon as we operate with these notions of right and wrong.
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  So, having the courage to include love for ourselves and our families, and feeling actually their love, supporting us as we move through the discomfort of guilt can be very empowering.
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  And they might not always understand, but it's that internal movement that is not only liberating, but essential and really being who we're meant to be beyond, the generational conditioning.
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  So how lovely that you pointed that out.
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  I love that one because I stop and think that, you know, cause I've always been an extrovert.
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  My siblings are introverts and I've always been the one that breaks the rules, the one that rubs against, you know, is always doing all everything that you're not supposed to do.
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  But then I found that when I got older, I questioned myself, do I get in trouble a lot because I act outside the norm?
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  And so then I found myself shifting to be within the norm.
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  Hm.
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  And sometimes I've questioned myself, did I miss out?
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  Hmm.
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  Because I chose to change and live the way I was supposed, you know, the way I was parented to live.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Interesting.
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  And so, you know, that's a come, I said, you know, when I was reading your poems, I would reflect back to my past and then look at the present.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And like you said, you know, sometimes when you do things that are outside the norm or outside the culture, the family culture, sometimes your family, does get hurt.
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  They get hurt that you know, oh my God, what did I do wrong?
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  This child is doing something that, we didn't parent them to do.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Without looking at, there's so much growth from doing things outside the norm.
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  Hmm, that's very true.
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  And I will speak for myself in having made many choices outside the box and not followed the norm in so many ways, both familial and in terms of society.
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  I think one of my biggest lessons has been not to take responsibility for their experience of my choices.
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  And when I've been able to do that, and understand also deeply in my bones that, in the context of my family, they really just love me and want me to be happy.
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  And so even though they may drastically disagree with some of my choices, they may out of, their own protective mechanisms want something different for me because that's their lens.
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  They want me to be safe and maybe choices that I'm making seem very scary to them, or dangerous.
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  Well, maybe not dangerous, but, I could say, could lend to a lot of ways in the unknown that they would not choose for themselves.
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  And, the more that I remind myself of, saying yes to what's true for me is actually a doorway also for the other to be with whatever feelings come up around that.
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  And essentially allow everyone to win because all they want is for me to be happy, really at the end of the day.
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  And so that might not be the case for everyone's parents, but it's really about, taking responsibility for what's true for ourselves and not taking responsibility for what is not ours.
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  And that's been a huge growth point for myself, certainly in many areas of life through adulthood and now into midlife.
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  Yeah So yeah.
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  That's a great point.
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  Yeah.
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  Well, like for me, I remember I became a single mom very early in life, but I knew that I wanted to pursue my education.
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  I knew that my life would not be complete if I did not have a college degree.
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  And my dad used to always tell me, and I believe that this was out of love because my father loved me more than anything in this world.
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  He would say, you can go to college when you're done raising your children.
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  Your primary job is to take care of your children, then you can take care of yourself afterwards when they don't need you.
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  But right now they need you.
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  And I remember when I, I said, dad, you're wrong and I'm going to school.
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  He said you're an unfit mother, is what he called me.
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  But I take that out of love.
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  And I remember when he went to my college graduation, had tears running down his eyes and he said, I am so proud of you.
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  I am so proud that you had the courage to do the thing I asked you not to do.
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  And I was wrong.
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  Wow, what a beautiful moment of resolution.
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  Yeah.
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  And such, what really speaks to me in that example what I find to be such a beautiful quality is the humility, right?
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  In recognizing a misstep and being able to own it and say how proud he is for your courage, despite what he has prescribed as being right or wrong, and so much humility.
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  I have a poem about humility in my book as well, but there's, I think at the core, this quality of separating ourselves from right and wrong and just being able to see the truth.
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  That was right for you, and it's not gonna be right for everyone.
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  And so there never is a right or wrong.
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  It's part of dissolving that way of thinking and it's felt in the heart, which I think is so beautiful.
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  It is.
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  Yeah.
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  Really So beautiful.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  So tell me, how do people move past and become their own?
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  You know move past the cultural, stigma, the family stigma, and just be themselves.
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  Be their true selves.
• 19:45
  Yeah, I, I'll reply to this question at this season in my life, because it's changed over the years, from this point in my life, I'm midlife too.
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  I'm 52 years old.
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  So much of my life had been focused on healing in order to become my essence without feeling restricted in any way.
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  And so now where I feel I don't need to focus on my healing anymore, I can be myself.
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  For me the answer to that question lives in, what is most joyful, blissful, beautiful, expansive, invoking.
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  What creates wonder in my heart and mind?
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  What allows me to be fully expressed and fully in my enjoyment at the same time?
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  So, for me, it's really about leaning into the joy.
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  And also alongside that following what is most effortless and honoring when it's not effortless to pivot in some way or another.
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  Because I really believe that there is no reason to suffer.
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  There's no reason to push through anything in order to be ourselves.
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  And do what we love doing.
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  At any time, I think where we find ourselves, and I always check myself on this too, because it's an easy thing to do.
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  It's like reaching to someone for outside opinion or advice.
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  Or reaching outside of myself to figure out how to do something better instead of just doing it, like, just do it my way however that comes out it has its own flavor to it, right.
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  And, it's letting go of trying to do things in the right way.
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  Cause as soon as my mind is engaged in that belief or mechanism that something has to be right over just doing it the way I would do it.
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  I'm engaged in something I've learned.
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  It's not just fully being myself.
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  So, in the act of leaning into joy effortlessness and also connection, for me it's at this point in life, it's really looking at where am I thinking or believing that it's not effortless in some way, and that I need to learn more or do more or be more.
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  I think that's part of the status quo, cause we're so immersed in this consumer culture of personal growth and all these things to do in order to become who we're meant to be.
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  And it's like, we are who we're meant to be right now.
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  You know, like it's just about being.
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  So, my perspective in how do we be ourselves is to be.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  It's like they say better done than perfected, than, you know, than perfection.
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  Oh, this perfection.
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  Yes, yeah, yeah.
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  Perfection is such a cancer.
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  I have a line in my book where, it's speaking to this point of, you know, as a Virgo and as someone who is very, I, I love beauty and I love details that create beauty.
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  And so at this stage in my life, it's about gaining awareness around, what perfection is giving me joy to have something expressed so precisely.
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  And what am I focusing on to get something right in terms of protecting myself in some way.
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  Because at the core, perfectionism is protection, right?
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  To protect ourselves from being judged.
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  Or to protect ourselves from the consequences of, God forbid if we did something wrong, you know.
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  So, yes, I, I deeply relate to the stream of perfectionism.
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  I've had it, you know, as part of my expression that is expansive as well as contracting.
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  For me, when it comes to something like that, it's all about awareness and really being present with how am I applying myself here and how am I feeling as I'm creating or doing something or connecting, having conversations and, collaborating or, starting a new relationship, whether it's a friendship or a lover ship.
• 24:40
  So that's a really comes down to awareness, I think.
• 24:45
  And when you were talking about being yourself and just being, it brought me to page 39 about desire, Okay.
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  about desire.
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  Ah, yes.
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  Desires and I just grabbed a little tidbit because that's a little bit of a longer poem.
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  It says, desires voice, sounds like the fire crackling on a rainy day when she speaks, she burns the barriers that naysayers once built up like dams.
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  Mm-hmm.
• 25:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:14
  I love that.
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  I absolutely love that because I'm like, know what it is, it's being, and who cares what people say.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Because it's about me.
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  It's about me being who I want to be.
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  Mm-hmm.
• 25:31
  Absolutely.
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  Thank you for highlighting that line, because on the topic of intimacy, when I think about desire, I think about heart's desire.
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  And it was in that frame or context that I wrote those lines.
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  And while basking in the intelligence of the heart's desire and to feel that burning, that longing, that's igniting inside, it allows the voices of not just of naysayers, but those that we've adopted as our own to burn down.
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  And the heart's desire becomes the compass and barometer for every new interaction, right.
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  Like every new person who we meet.
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  Every new relationship we're exploring to see is it matching with that very specific signature of our own heart's desire.
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  And so for me there's a duality in it.
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  There's the burning down of what's not possible.
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  And then there's also the flame that licks the pathway towards what is possible and opening up the pathway to the kind of connection that we all deserve as informed by our heart's desires.
• 27:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:03
  I, I loved it, like I said.
• 27:05
  Or even like the way you talked about courage and courage was very simple, And very short.
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  And very short.
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  It's the shortest, definition.
• 27:13
  It was.
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  But you know what, it was so good.
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  It was so freaking good.
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  Courage is the triumph of being yourself.
• 27:22
  Like you just said; being, just being, being you.
• 27:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:28
  Absolutely.
• 27:29
  I've been having a lot of conversations about love lately.
• 27:34
  And one of my definitions is being the light that you are or that we are.
• 27:40
  That is also tied to courage because it's being who we are.
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  And when we really look at what that means, it doesn't require another person to experience love.
• 27:52
  It's simply being the state of love that we already are.
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  And the only job on our part is to keep cleaning our lens, over and over again.
• 28:03
  When we have either positive or negative projections on a person, place, thing or situation.
• 28:13
  And the more that we clean that lens, the more we return to being love and just being love.
• 28:22
  It's not something that we need to do or that we need to give to someone.
• 28:27
  It's not an action.
• 28:28
  My definition is truly, it's a state of being.
• 28:32
  It's a state of being and embodying love.
• 28:35
  And so, I say that because again in the context of intimacy, the deepest intimacy we can ever experience is with ourselves.
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  Being the courage to be who we are, be honest about who we are.
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  And then choosing about who and when and where we want to reveal what we know about ourselves.
• 28:59
  And that for me is intimacy.
• 29:02
  It really is all oriented around who we are, and it doesn't really have a lot to do with the other person in a lot of ways.
• 29:11
  The connection does, but love itself and the relationship to intimate fulfillment is very much about the relationship to ourselves first.
• 29:21
  Exactly, and I think that we spend more time loving or giving love to others than we do, giving love to our own selves.
• 29:32
  Yeah, it's so common.
• 29:37
  It's so common, especially as women.
• 29:40
  I used to mentor women, in terms of creating more intimacy with their own sense of sensuality.
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  Because we're wired as women to be nurturers, we are physiologically wired differently for men when it comes to our, circuitry with emotional intelligence.
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  So we have this emotional intelligence that we can give so easily to support others as well.
• 30:09
  But really that's not our job, you know.
• 30:12
  And so I love that you're pointing out this very common default pattern of what in many ways society also teaches us is to give in order to have value, in order to have safety in relationship to another.
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  And when we unhook from doing that in a relationship, we see that our value is really in how we honor ourselves first, above all else.
• 30:43
  So it's a really, a pervasive, I would say, a very pervasive conditioning to unhook from that giving and overgiving because it's also a way of being in control.
• 30:56
  You know, when we over give, we can feel our value elevated.
• 31:02
  And it's a block actually from being able to receive, and be receptive.
• 31:09
  Cause if we're constantly in the giving and in the doing, we're, we're actively giving.
• 31:14
  We're not open to receive from the other.
• 31:18
  And we see that a lot in, um, constellation work as well.
• 31:22
  And there's a dynamic that we look at between the balance of giving and receiving.
• 31:29
  In adult relationships and how it can be incredibly unbalanced if there's one person who's giving and giving and the other person is saying, thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 31:39
  And then they start to be weighted down because there's no room for them to give and to be received.
• 31:47
  And then for the flow of reciprocation and growth and abundance to be cultivated, and it's, it's the death of some relationships.
• 31:59
  So it's a really important one to, you know, on the topic of awareness and catching ourselves in where we giving and what the mostly, what the intentionality is behind giving, if it's our default or to be in that comfort.
• 32:16
  As opposed to, you know, being in that very vulnerable, position of receiving, it's very vulnerable to receive from another.
• 32:28
  Yeah.
• 32:28
  Another, poem that you had was on page 27, Oh, okay.
• 32:33
  Betrayal.
• 32:34
  Ah, I love that I love the way you wrapped this one, I love the way you wrapped it because the word betrayal at first blush, we think negative.
• 32:45
  Yes.
• 32:45
  But you threw a positive spin, and this is just a little, like I said, little tidbit that I grabbed.
• 32:51
  What you betrayal is what you want to believe and what you know to be true is where you are liberated from false hope and empowering with honesty.
• 33:03
  Once you see the lies you believed, you are ushered into a new courier that leads one's destination your power.
• 33:14
  Yes, yeah, absolutely.
• 33:18
  Absolutely, I mean, I wrote this from a very personal experience that I had around betrayal.
• 33:26
  And what I woke up to in that particular relationship was that the person who I was extremely intimate with in many levels.
• 33:35
  Including spiritual levels, that I had never offered so much trust to anyone on that level before.
• 33:43
  And what I woke up to in myself was that, I was projecting an ideal, my ideal on to that person.
• 33:57
  And even though that person had shown me many times who they were, I dismissed it or denied it or swept it under the carpet thinking, oh, well, everybody's human.
• 34:12
  So while the signs were there, all the long, I was actually choosing to believe in something else.
• 34:17
  I was choosing to believe in what I wanted to believe and the fairy tale that I wanted to believe as opposed to really being with the facts.
• 34:29
  And, so when I woke up to how I was engaging in that dynamic, it wasn't something that happened to me.
• 34:38
  It was really a choice that I had been making all along.
• 34:44
  I think this poem in particular for me, it really highlights the detriment that a positive projection on someone can have.
• 34:54
  And I think we're all doing this every day anyways.
• 34:57
  But, when it comes to really intimate relationships and we have a projection of our dream, placed onto that person.
• 35:06
  It's so easy to deny and dismiss what they're revealing about themselves through action, through behavior, through, facts.
• 35:17
  It also prevents us from seeing what is.
• 35:22
  And I think a lot of people talk about negative projections and how, our experiences from the past can negatively color how we see someone in front of us and judge them or blame them or, project our negative past onto that person.
• 35:39
  But it's rarely spoken about the detriment of a positive projection on someone else.
• 35:46
  And how in the end, it really prevents us from seeing things as they are.
• 35:54
  And we need to see things as they are in order to honor ourselves.
• 36:01
  So that, line you're referring to came from a deep lived experience of positive projection and realizing how I had participated in that act of wanting to believe in something that wasn't, actually true.
• 36:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 36:20
  Yeah, and I've, like I said, I really loved it because you I sort of felt like if I was in experiencing betrayal.
• 36:28
  You put your arm around me and you said, it's okay.
• 36:33
  It's your power.
• 36:35
  Because you're seeing it now.
• 36:38
  It's clear.
• 36:39
  Absolutely, absolutely.
• 36:41
  And there was so much care, so much love there in that poem.
• 36:48
  When at first, like I said, you look at the word betrayal is first thing that comes to mind is negative, but I felt like at the end you kind of just put your arm around and said, hey, it's okay.
• 37:01
  You got power.
• 37:03
  Absolutely.
• 37:06
  I thank you for reflecting that and bringing it back to the power.
• 37:12
  Because what I've learned, at least from this perspective of where I am now in life, is that our power is truly in being able to see the truth.
• 37:25
  That's our greatest power.
• 37:27
  And then choose, once we see the truth, we have the power to choose how we interact with that truth.
• 37:35
  But it's really in seeing it and, and what you said reminds me of another line that has been so helpful for me in my own life once I wake up to something that I wasn't aware I was doing.
• 37:49
  Like I wasn't aware that all of these positive projections that I had on this person were thwarting my reality in such a profound way.
• 37:59
  But when I woke up to it, I kept reminding myself like I couldn't see then what I can see now.
• 38:07
  And would I condemn a blind person for not being able to see something then if they regained their sight later in life and then they could see what they couldn't see then.
• 38:21
  And that really has helped me a lot in these situations of waking up to something where, it can be very easy in a situation like that to think, oh my God, what was I thinking?
• 38:33
  Like, how could I possibly believed what I was believing when all the signs were there.
• 38:38
  And, you know, other people saw it.
• 38:40
  I didn't see it.
• 38:42
  So one of my lines, for defining forgiveness is having compassion for ourselves for being able to see now what we couldn't see then.
• 38:52
  So perhaps that's part of the love that's threaded into this poem of betrayal because I really do feel that.
• 39:01
  I really do feel the, um, this is part of nature.
• 39:07
  It is part of us growing, you know, to continually be gaining new awareness, new insight, new perspective of seeing ourselves in the world.
• 39:21
  So that's really a very fitting way to bring it back to power like you did.
• 39:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 39:29
  So, Rhiah, tell me what are three pieces of advice that you would give the listener or the viewer to help them become more liberated with themselves?
• 39:41
  Mm-hmm, mm. I love the word liberated.
• 39:45
  I would say the number one thing is something we've touched on in our conversation is slow down.
• 39:53
  Slow down.
• 39:57
  Honor precious time for yourself to connect with yourself and not necessarily do anything to, you know, be focused on improving yourself or proving anything to anybody, and just being.
• 40:13
  Like, really find those openings in your day, whether it's just for a minute or two, or three.
• 40:23
  Where you're just in a state of being and relaxing because it's in those moments that we're able to be receptive.
• 40:36
  To receive information to know ourselves, which allows us to interact with the world and with others in a way that honors ourselves.
• 40:45
  And so I really encourage and highlight that notion of slowing down.
• 40:52
  I just think it's so, so, so important and, and overlooked.
• 40:57
  You know, the default is to go to other things to consume, to do, to improve, to perfect, to prove.
• 41:06
  And really everything we need is right here.
• 41:11
  That's what we're looking for.
• 41:12
  We're looking for fulfillment.
• 41:14
  So slow down.
• 41:16
  Just connect and just be, that would be my invitation.
• 41:21
  Mm-hmm.
• 41:22
  That's beautiful.
• 41:24
  And you asked for three things, right?
• 41:28
  Okay.
• 41:28
  So to slow down, connect and, and receive.
• 41:33
  Just notice, you know, what you're receiving for information.
• 41:36
  Second thing would be when you have a moment of awareness, when you realize something about yourself or when you get clarity about a situation, maybe it's, it could be anything.
• 41:51
  When you get that awareness, put it into action in some way.
• 41:56
  It doesn't need to be to the outside world yet, but to give it, acknowledgement to yourself.
• 42:04
  Either through writing, through speaking it out loud to a close and dear friend.
• 42:09
  Or if it's appropriate to put it in action in some way because that act of acknowledgement, on the next level helps to embody that truth more.
• 42:22
  And then the third thing would be to find a way where you can bask in that understanding with yourself in movement.
• 42:33
  Because that helps to embody that understanding and it helps to connect with It in a visceral sense that lets your, your nervous system understand a new lived reality that you may not have understood before.
• 42:49
  And it can be small or big.
• 42:51
  These don't need to be, you know, huge change your life moments.
• 42:55
  I think, you know, the fulfillment of life is, in the subtle.
• 42:59
  And when we can apply insights about ourselves in small ways, it's powerful beyond what we can imagine.
• 43:08
  We're sending a message to ourselves and to the energetic field around us, how we are available to interact differently and that cannot be underestimated.
• 43:19
  So even if that seems small, it's huge.
• 43:23
  It's really huge.
• 43:24
  It is.
• 43:26
  Yeah.
• 43:26
  And so Rhiah, you do have a special gift to give to the listeners and viewers.
• 43:33
  I do.
• 43:33
  How can they get it?
• 43:35
  Yes.
• 43:35
  So my special gift is on my website, which is my author name, birth name KristaKujat.com.
• 43:44
  And I am offering for the time being, I'm not sure how long this will last.
• 43:50
  I'm offering a handful of free audios from my book.
• 43:55
  And these audios are exactly designed to remind you that you're enough.
• 44:03
  There's nothing more to do, just be.
• 44:07
  And these audios will remind you of that.
• 44:09
  They're, they're from my book Life's Poet Glossary, and they're there for free for a certain amount of time as I continue the launch of this book.
• 44:20
  So I invite you to visit my website there and enjoy.
• 44:25
  Yeah.
• 44:26
  And I also would like to say people should go to your Instagram page.
• 44:30
  Cause you have such beautiful Instagram page.
• 44:33
  You have beautiful, I've seen where you, you read some of this poetry.
• 44:39
  I do.
• 44:40
  Yes, absolutely.
• 44:41
  Go to my Instagram.
• 44:43
  Oh, thank you.
• 44:44
  Thank you.
• 44:46
  You know, I really, it's not lost on me the other level of uh, transmission or, the next level of communication that comes through in an audio reading of the book.
• 44:59
  Because I have such a profound connection with what I've written, and so it's true that I feel the, the audience or reader receives so much more because, you'll be connecting with the words that I don't say while I'm saying what I say.
• 45:17
  Exactly you share a lot of passion.
• 45:19
  There's a lot of passion in your voice, in your movement.
• 45:22
  It's just, it's a gift in itself.
• 45:25
  Oh, thank you.
• 45:27
  Thank you for that.
• 45:28
  I appreciate it.
• 45:29
  Well, Rhiah, thank you so much for coming on the show.
• 45:31
  I will include your information in the show notes so that people can be blessed with your audio versions.
• 45:41
  Oh, thank you so much, Carmen.
• 45:42
  It's such a delight to talk with you and, and dive into this topic of, self intimacy and love.
• 45:50
  I really appreciate it.
• 45:51
  Thank you.
• 45:51
  Yeah.
• 45:51
  And I will say again, anybody, you gotta read this book.
• 45:55
  You have to purchase book.
• 45:57
  This is a very liberating, very, it's a beautiful book.
• 46:02
  There's a lot of love in this book.
• 46:05
  Hmm.
• 46:05
  Thank you.
• 46:06
  All right.
• 46:07
  Thank you.
• 46:07
  Thanks.
• 46:08
  And there you have it.
• 46:10
  It turns out the real victory isn't about pleasing everyone else, but finding the courage to live and love for yourself.
• 46:19
  Remember that little question we asked at the start?
• 46:22
  Whether you were living life on your own terms or someone else.
• 46:26
  Now you know it's possible to break free from the old patterns and still shine brighter than ever.
• 46:32
  If you'd like to learn more about Rhiah Kujat, grab her free resources or connect with her head on over to createthebestme.com/ep114.
• 46:45
  Thank you for hanging out with us today, and be sure to come back next week for another incredible episode, created just for you.
• 46:53
  Until then, keep dreaming big.
• 46:55
  Take care of yourself.
• 46:57
  And remember, you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.
• 47:03
  Thank you for watching.
• 47:04
  Catch you next week.
• 47:06
  Bye for now.