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How do narcissists make you out to be the problem? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissist make you
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  feel like you are the problem, how they make you feel like you
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  are always the issue or your reactions are the issue.
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  If you knew here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back
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  folks. Yes, some toxic toxic, some
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  toxic Narcissus. Well, not some.
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  This is going to be a lot of most toxic narcissistic people
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  want you to feel like you are the problem.
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  That's just factual. They want you.
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  They want it out. One of the reasons, one of the
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  main reasons why they want you to feel like you're the problem
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  is because that's the easiest way to avoid accountability.
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  How do you avoid accountability? Make the other person feel like
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  they are at at fault. Make the other person here in
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  this issue here that is dealing with me, make them feel like
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  they themselves are at fault. That's just the way it goes
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  right there. That's the easy way to go about
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  doing it right there. Like if I can convince you that
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  you are the problem, then I win, you lose, I win.
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  It's about wins and losses. If I can convince you that you
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  are in fact problematic or you're, you know, I win.
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  So how do they do this? In what ways can a narcissist
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  make it seem like you are the problem?
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  The main way. The main way is your reactions,
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  how you react. It's crazy isn't it?
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  Like you get a lot of covert and sometimes malignant overt
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  narcissist that talk to you in a calm manner when you are
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  screaming and you are yelling and you are losing your mind
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  because you're angry as hell because you're hurt, right?
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  There's a lot of toxic, narcissistic people that do that
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  right there. They while you are yelling and
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  screaming and they are recording you.
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  Some of them will record you right in your face.
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  Some of them will, you know, have a like a damn body Cam or
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  James Bond microphone on. But they'll record your
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  reactions or your voice to make it seem like you are
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  problematic. Yeah, it always, somehow, always
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  seems to happen that they seem to always get your reaction
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  right. Not what led up to it, not what
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  led, not how we got here, but how you're acting.
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  So that's one main way that they can make you seem like you had a
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  problem by catching you in the act of reacting to something
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  that they have done to you. So that's why when I when I'm
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  pre, when I, it sounds like I'm preaching like past the hammock
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  when I'm preaching, when I preach to you about controlling
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  your emotions and controlling your reactions.
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  This is why brother, young brother and young sister.
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  It's because if you don't, you going to get painted as the
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  abuser. You, you, you are going to going
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  to get painted as the aggressor. You will be looked at as the
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  antagonist. You will be viewed as
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  antagonistic where your partner, your toxic abusive partner will
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  be viewed as the protagonist and the victim.
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  Bam, I'll preach. You want to preach, preach your
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  hammock, pass the hammock. But that's what happens, y'all,
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  there's, there's literally, that's literally what happens so
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  many times in these relationship spaces because they keep you.
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  It's like they catch you in the act.
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  They catch you in the act of reacting to something that they
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  have done to you and they ruin your, they trying to ruin your
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  damn life to make it feel, make it seem like you are the problem
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  here. It happened so damn much.
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  And that's why I try to, I try to convey this to so many people
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  that you are not like I said, you are not the problem y'all.
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  It's how you, how you act or how you react to this person that
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  becomes problematic. Like they make it, they paint
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  you as the problem and it's hard y'all.
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  It's hard to argue against evidence like that.
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  Like you got a video recording of you yelling and screaming and
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  throwing stuff at them. It's hard as hell to come back
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  from that. So it's easier to it's well, I'm
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  going to say it's easier. It's situational.
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  Everybody's situation going to be different.
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  It could be easier to control your reactions upfront as
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  opposed to doing it later on. So you have to empower yourself
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  in this space right here. You do to control your reactions
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  because once they catch you in the act, they got you.
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  I mean, some people are not going to believe them.
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  Some people know you and won't believe them won't won't care.
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  But there are some people who will like they can put like, I
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  can be abusive, right? I can be abusive.
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  Catch your reaction on camera and post it.
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  And guess what? Millions of people going to look
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  at you like they're abusive. People don't even know you, but
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  they'll find you. They'll find you.
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  Look at that abusive woman right there.
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  Look at that abusive man right there.
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  They going to get you. So controlling those reactions
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  is a superpower because that's not a narcissist just as much as
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  controlling your reactions is a superpower that's just used for
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  good, getting, catching your reactions.
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  It's a superpower that narcissists have that they use
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  for bad. They use it for evil, you know,
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  So that's why I always try to, I preach controlling your
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  reaction. I preach being at Zen.
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  I preach, you know, being calm, cool and collected even under
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  the worst, the worst stress. You have to y'all.
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  It's something you have to learn how to do if you're dealing with
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  toxic narcissistic people. Well, Lee, that's not fair.
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  Why we got to control our reactions.
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  You don't have to know what I'm saying.
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  It could it would behoove you too, because it it allows you to
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  not be painted as this aggressive, you know, horrible
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  person, because this is what narcissistic people like to do.
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  They love to catch your reaction, to catch how you
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  reacted and their, their lack of reaction to me that always, you
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  know, to me, that's always kind of part of the, the space right
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  there, right. That's always kind of the space
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  or the problem right there is what narcissistic people like to
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  do. They like to catch you in the
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  act of reacting because that's how they bust you.
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  That's how they get you, right? So you have to empower yourself
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  because if you don't, you just lose, y'all.
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  You really do just lose. But I will also say this when
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  you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people, I will say
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  this as well, that another way that they can catch you if they
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  just lie. Yeah, they will lie in order to
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  paint you as the aggressor, in order to paint you as the
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  antagonist. They just lie.
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  You know, catching your catching your reactions is one thing, but
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  just flat out lying is a whole another.
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  They will flat out lie they asses off to you to catch you,
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  right? They would just blame me, lie,
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  look you in your face and be like, yeah, I'm lying to the
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  world about who you are and they will continuously catch you like
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  that. So that's what I'm just telling
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  you're dealing with. If you're dealing with a toxic
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  narcissistic person, this is kind of the road that you take,
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  this kind of Rd. that you go down because they would just lie
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  and smear campaign the hell out of you.
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  Narcissists love this smear campaign and that's the best
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  way. That's one of the best ways to
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  paint you as the to make themselves look like the victim
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  and to make you look like you were at fault, make you look
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  like you are too blamed for what's going on in this
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  situation. They just lie their asses off,
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  start spreading rumors, start lying through their damn teeth
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  about who you are. They misrepresent your
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  character. They misrepresent the situation.
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  They misrepresent every damn thing so and I hate when I when
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  people have to deal with it. I hate when people have to deal
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  with that. It's just you have to be, you
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  have to empower yourselves to just keep moving forward because
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  if you don't, you get ran over top buff.
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  You really do. You get ran over top buff, you
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  get used and abused and you get manipulated.
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  You get used and abused, you get manipulated and all that other
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  good stuff. So I, I would just behoove you,
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  like I said, if they the smear campaign, the smear campaign is
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  a whole different animal. Y'all, A lot of people ask me,
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  how do you defeat the smear campaign?
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  A lot of times you can just ignore it because the smear
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  campaign, it, it can be used as kind of a life filter, right?
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  Like if somebody is if somebody is smear campaigning you, right
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  and other people are believing it without even asking you,
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  without questioning the you know, the validity of the
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  situation, then they kind of filter themselves out of your
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  life, don't they? They filter themselves away from
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  you in these situations. They smear campaign the hell out
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  of you. And if people leave you, if
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  people decide to cut you off based on the lies that somebody
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  else tell, are they worth having in your life?
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  Some people might be they might be a brother or sister.
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  Somebody is you know, it might be a best friend.
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  Or if it's your best friend, are they really your best friend?
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  If they believe you're lying ass partner about something about
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  believe you're lying ass partner when they say something about
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  you instead of coming to you directly to ask you because
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  that's how they do it, y'all, They want to make you seem like
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  you're the issue. They want to make you seem like
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  you are the problem right here. It it really is.
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  So they want to make you look like the problem.
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  Like, and I'll say this right here, y'all, and this is the
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  last way I'll go over here. OK, Ain't gonna ain't gonna
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  y'all know. I don't like to drag these
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  videos out in great detail one another way that narcissists
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  like would do it. They would like to to make you
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  seem like you're the problem. If they would trigger you on
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  purpose, they will trigger you on purpose to react in front of
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  other people. You know, like I said, they can
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  catch you on camera reacting in in private behind the scenes.
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  They can smear campaign you, but some of them will absolutely try
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  to set you off in front of other people so you look like the
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  aggressor, so you look abusive. And one of their favorite
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  tactics other than other than smear campaigning you is dog
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  whistles. They dog whistle or inside.
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  I call inside triggers kind of like inside jokes.
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  Inside triggers or dog whistles are awaited.
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  Narcissistic people covertly set you off.
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  The only you understand it like you're the only person that gets
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  the you're you're you're the only person that understands
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  that what I just said is not a joke.
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  It's a direct insult. You know, it's something
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  derogatory towards you. And if my dog whistle enough and
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  you react, you know, the dog whistles are the whistles that
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  you blow it. Only dogs get here because
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  they're they're at a certain frequency.
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  So if I blow that whistle and you start acting crazy, you look
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  like I said you started. You started going crazy and
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  yelling and screaming. Now I got you.
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  Now you absolutely look abusive. Now you absolutely look like the
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  abuser in this situation. So now I got you, and now I have
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  proof that I got you. Now I have proof of the
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  situation. You know what I mean?
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  Now I have discernible evidence that you are abusive.
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  Hey guys, look, I told you, look, look what I deal with.
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  I told you that she was crazy. I told you guys, look, the old
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  ball and chain is swinging the nunchucks and trying to hurt me.
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  Y'all see what I deal with behind the scenes.
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  Y'all see how she's acting in front of y'all imagine what
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  she's like behind the scenes in private and they look at you and
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  wink. Yeah, I gotcha.
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  Then what I'm telling y'all, Controlling your reactions is a
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  superpower. It really is.
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  It's a power that you can develop.
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  It's like a it's it's it's a muscle that you have to build
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  over time. It's like doing curls and
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  building that muscle, building up that muscle, building up that
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  no reaction muscle, no reaction one, no reaction two reverse it.
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  No reaction three drops at 4 speed.
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  Yeah, you have to build it up. Take a deep before when they say
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  something, take a deep breath before responding to them.
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  Just at least give, give yourself that give a give
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  yourself at least a deep breath before you respond to him.
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  Because if you respond to him in kind, I'm just telling you, you
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  going to look abusive. You going to look arrest.
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  You going to look, you going to look the part of a horrible
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  person. And I don't want that for you.
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  I absolutely don't want that for you.
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  So hope this video brought you some clarity.
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  Hope it brought you some peace. Hope it brought you some power
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  to understand how important controlling your reactions is,
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  because controlling your reactions can help.
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  Yeah. Is it, is it foolproof?
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  No, some people are going to believe the narcissists anyway.
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  Narcissists have a lot of blind supporters and flying muggers.
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  Some people are going to believe them regardless of what you say
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  and do, that you have to eat that, you know.
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  Some people are not worth defending yourself too, because
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  they're going to believe the narcissist regardless of what
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  you say and what you do. But you are in control.
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  You have the power. Make sure you check out my my
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  courses and my support groups courses.mentalillness.net.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Subscribe to this channel. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
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  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
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  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
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  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.