Latest / Jess Ask / Why Your Community Isn't Growing (and How to Fix It) | FT Nella Coleman | EP125

Transcript

Why Your Community Isn't Growing (and How to Fix It) | FT Nella Coleman | EP125 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another day? Do
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: you already know what it is? And then you know
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: it's about to get real to be sure to show
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: your girl the love and like coming and subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: For another day. Hey, hey, I know we could be
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: To be a saint you way, pure and holy, tried
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: and true. Handle it Thanksgiving.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: I'll be a livy.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Saint you way for you. I love this song.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: That's a real bad that's a good one.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: That is a good one. If y'all don't know where
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: you've landed, you've landed in a safe place where we decompress,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: half fun and guess what, just just as we're so
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: excited that you're here, it's thusty and it might not
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: be Thursday when you watch it, but it's Thursday. Thursdays
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: are our days where we launch, and we launch and
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: you got a new episode after new episode after new
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: episode after new episode. Okay, so super excited about today
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: because today I have not That's just a guess. I
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: got my girl, Okay, I got my girl, but also
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: you know who else is on this uh, on this
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: platform with me? My girl does a does a? Does
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: already does already does does already doesn't? Hey boo, how
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: you feeling? Just God, that's how you feel? A.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Yes, I'm feeling amazing.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, that smile looks amazing. Yeah, I'm just you know, honestly,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just grateful. Like you know, at the end of
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the day, things could be so much worse, right, like
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: even if even even even.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: Though like things aren't going how we may think they
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: should be going. Yeah, right, the reality is is always somebody.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: Such a worse situation. So I'm just grateful for his grace.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Listen, because the grace and mercy is real. Okay, we
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: just talked to Omar about that, like living in grace.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We've been talking about to our community about that. You know,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: if you haven't enjoined yet, I don't know what you're
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: waiting on. Yeah, So there's the ray. I'm excited about
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: this guess because our guess today is the definition of
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: multifacting right and sometimes navigating through being multi faceted. It
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: can be frustrated, right we talk about things could be worse,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: but the blessed that the blessing of being multi fasted
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: is also what they would I want to consider a curse,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: but maybe the frustration it can be very frustrating. So
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I don't want to prolong the time because I think
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: this is gonna be a great, healthy conversation. I'm super
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: excited to have the woman of God by me. I
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: want to introduce to some and present the others my girl,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Nella Colemen, Nella Ella Egg, Hey boy, how you doing blessing?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Are you blessing? How the makeup is makeup?
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: And because you know I'll be watching you and you
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: be up here here with your lashes and stuff. You
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: just saw me in the cartoon.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Girl, I'm bald and beautiful today because I can't find
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this glue. I cannot find this glue. But it's okay
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: because the glass is always they always cover it up, okay.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So Nella, how would Nella describe Nela? Lord Jesus, because
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: when we talk about multifaceted, you got you have a
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: lot that you do, a lot of talent, a lot
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: of understanding, a lot of wisdom. So how would Naela
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: describe Nola?
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: Mm? Nella would describe Nella as I'm actually before I
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: even give all the titles. I'm actually in a season
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: of rediscovering I loved it. I'm in the season of
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: rediscovering myself, not even relearning the things that I like,
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: because as time goes on, your taste changes, your interests change,
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: your mental state changes, all of the different things about
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: you change. So I'm in a state of I'm in
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: the season of discovering myself again, learning the things that
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I like, setting new boundaries and everything else. So as
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: of now, I am mommy wife, I am a entrepreneur,
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: full time entrepreneur, and a coach. And she's being a
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: woman of guard. Okay, we can't ever forget the woman
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: of guard.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, I think that it's very interesting. One of the
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: things that she's very being very modest on is that
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: not only is she a coach, but she is a
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: community builder. Like you can't just say folks can be
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: coaching people, but you outside like building communities, and not
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: just even her own community, she building other people communities.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: All right, y'all, hear me always talk about David Shan's
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: hashtag community builder. Like right here, y'all looking at the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: person that anytime anytime something comes up, she's thinking about
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: me something's happening, whereas a hosting opportunity of moderating opportunity,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: my girl really like be looking out. And so I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: want to publicly thank you for always considering me for opportunities.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And so that's why it's so important who you are
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: around and also making sure that you're presenting yourself as
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: you wanna be seen, like R like making sure that
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that not only you asking for opportunities, but that you're
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: the quality for the opportunity. I don't know who needed
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: to hear that, but that's listening.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: Look, well, I wanna thank you for always showing up
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: in the capacity that you show up, and not just
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: as my friend, but as Jessica the podcaster, because had
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: you not, I would not have been able to say
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Jessica without the shadow of a doubt.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Like the moment that we said in the podcast community
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: when we had said, Okay, we need somebody that's gonna
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: coach Wednesdays, it's gonna teach. Instantly, you came up in
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: my mind. Yeah, and you and Carl Has He's like,
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: are you sure y like anybody else? I was like, No,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: ain't nobody else that's been as consistent. Ain't nobody else
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: the implements that comes to my mind. Ain't nobody else
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: that can teach the way she's gonna teach. Ain't nobody
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: else gonna pull the things out of people that she's
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: gonna pull out, Jessica, Ain't no if ends or buts
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: about it.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Man. So when let's let's just go here, because I
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: think I think we're finea We're finna get real comfortable
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: with you having access to some prominent people, I'm gonna
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: have problem because that they're not the only ones.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: We'll just keep it like that because this is not
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: for that conversation. But you're around prominent people, and you're
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: serving prominent people. When people come to you, let's say
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: somebody's coming from you from one of our communities or
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: just off the street or whatever. What is it that
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: you look for when people are asking for different opportunities?
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: First and foremost, nine times out of ten, I don't
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: like to be approached about Hey, can I because I'm one.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: I've never been the person to ask for handouts and
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: ask for opportunities and to ask I just do the work.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Girl, you're talking good.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Even if I and you and I have had many
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: conversations about me feeling over looked in certain areas and things.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Even in the instance of me feeling overlooked, I always
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: still do the work so that there is a trail
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: behind me that you can never doubt. You can never
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: say I didn't put the work in. You can never
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: say that I didn't show up. You can never say
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: that I didn't give my all right, And so I
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: have come across many people that say I want an
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: opportunity to speak, or even when you did the the
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: the panel, Yeah, when I called you and asked you
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: to do the panel, I had people ask why you
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: ain't called me m.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: That's interesting because.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: Because I haven't seen the fruit, I haven't seen it.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: I need to see the fruit. Even if you came
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: to me and you asked for the opportunity, and maybe
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: it didn't because sometimes every once in a while, maybe
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: I might overlook something and that's on me. Yeah, and
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: I have no problem admitting that. But if you come
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: to me you have you don't have any fruit that
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: you've produced, and you're still asking for the opportunity, it's
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: gonna be a hard pass. I'm gonna be nice about it.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: I'm a smile on your face and give you the
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: love of the Lord. Yeah, but it's still gonna be
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: a hard pass.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So let me ask you this because this is
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: something for one. Nella is also my accountability partner along
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: with Till shut Up.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: But oh free your mind.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Podcasts have to Yeah, we gotta do you go ahead,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: and and and and before. Yeah, real bad, real bad.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So you and Tiff have gotten on to me about
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: this what I'm about to ask you about. You already
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: know whe I'm gonna go. But with you saying for
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: people not to ask, I think I have a problem
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: with asking, right, But you had a big ask at
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: the podcast submit. It's so uncomfortable. You had a huge ass.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: We gotta we gotta talk about that. But you had
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: a huge ass. How do I know if you if
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you're telling people you don't like for people to come
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: up to you, how do I know, Uh, when the
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: healthy moment is to present myself and present me shooting
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: my shot.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's not that I don't like people coming.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: I don't like it when you come up and you
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: know that you have no no history. You know you
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: haven't been putting in the work in right, you only
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: have one podcast episode and now you asking the host
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: main state like come on, fail.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: We got.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: I know God can wear some miracles, but like so
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: for me, it's knowing who you are coming up with
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: confidence even if you only only at episode twenty five,
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: walk in the confidence that you at episode five thousand,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: six hundred and seventy eight. Yeah right, like walk in
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: the confidence. Like in the podcast community we had called out,
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: oh my God, Lord, please bring her uh Sasha.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Kay oh yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: And every time she talks about her follower account, her
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: following count, she always are her subscribers. She always talks
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: as if she has this this yeah.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: She doesn't talk as if she only has a couple
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: hundred yeah. Right, that's the confidence I'm looking for. Yeah,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: and I know for a fact sometimes people will say like,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: well Nola, yeah energy, you be a little standing office sometimes.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And you got to be though, Nela like, I don't
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: think it's stand offish. I think that so as for somebody,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: this is something that that Nila and I uh have
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: in commons. So people have seen my spiritual mother here, right.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: She was the first prominent person that I served closely
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: as I have, and she was my she has been
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: my foundation. So when people have asked me questions like
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: where you get this from? Baby, I got, I got
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: doctor d Fumby, I went through the course, okay, because
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like, I think that
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: also with serving the community and being that there's a
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: level of protection that you have for prominent people that
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: you are working for or serving or whatever. And so
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I think that it's not staying offish. What their sensing
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: is you're not gonna walk through this door as easily
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: as you thought you were. And I think that's a
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think you stand offish. I just think that
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: you you like, yeah, you're real bad.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and even like and my husband will tell you
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: even sometimes because you know he does podcast intros. He'll
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: be like, yo, baby, introduce me to I'll be like, no,
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: you gotta.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Work for that.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: To your husband.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Who my husband, Jesus to my he ain't got the grace.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: So my thing is if my husband doesn't get at
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: that many door open doors.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: While yes, I'll shoot the sh I'll do the.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Alley oop and everything else, but I there are times
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: where I'm like, no, you gotta introduce yourself. You gotta
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: do the work.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Why do you do that?
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Because it's a muscle you can't expect everybody. And once again,
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: this goes back to just how I operate. I don't
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: operate as people expecting that you would just give me stuff. Now,
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: if I'm doing the work and I'm still not getting
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: getting the fruits of my labor, then I'm gonna be like,
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: all right, Well, that's when that feeling of overlooked and
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: everything comes in from me. But if you you have
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: to build your own muscle, it's just the same thing
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: as a gym. You go to a gym and get
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: a trainer, and you asked the trainer to lift the rate,
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: they already got the muscle.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: You you paying them so you can get like them.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yep, you said it. You said them.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: Lifting those weights for you, them holding your hands up
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: under you so that you don't drop those weights, or
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: so you can finish the last set. That's not doing
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: nothing for you. That's not doing anything for you.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: It's not making you as strong, right right, You're you're
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: talking so good. So I think because we we share,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I don't just host the Wednesdays by myself. I made
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: like Nola. I'm not doing this by myself, so we
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: do it together. I always say that she always try
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: to put them on the spot. But so the community
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: that we're talking about is the seven figure podcast community
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: hosted by uh David Shan's Carl and CJ. Right And
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: so on Wednesday nights, we have community Nights and we
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: are very much so motherly and stern at the same time.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: So shout out to our community. We love, we love y'all.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: But y'all y'all special. Yeah, y'all special. But I'm curious
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: because you have you have been able to build communities.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: What's as podcasters, as creators, as influencers, because that's who
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: we're talking to, that's who are Our community is geared
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: towards what's the first steps that I need to take
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: when in deciding to build a community because there's a
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: lot of options there. And when people say community, sometimes
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: we get that misconstrued with like engagement or anything like that,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Like can you give us like the foundation of building
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: a community?
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely, First and foremost, you have to know who
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: you're serving. You have to know who you are serving.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Like even with with God coming with Jesus, he knew
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: who he was here to serve. That's good. When he
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: was on this earth, he specifically asked who needs a doctor? Mm,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: the sick or the healthy? He knew who who his
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: audience was. He even knew, And a lot of people
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: will when they start to build communities. They look for
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: the support that from their family members, their friends, and
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: the ante and them and everybody else. But even Jesus
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: knew that he couldn't start where he came from. He
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: had to go to every other city around then came back.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: We have to do the same thing. Know who you're serving.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Don't just say I want to serve everybody. I just
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: want to help women. I just want to know who
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: are you serving them?
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Why? What is your why?
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: And I told people a lot of times, especially when
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: I was in network marketing, when people would join my team,
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: your why has to be strong. If your why doesn't
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: make you cry, it's.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Not strong enough.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: It's not strong enough. And a lot of times I
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: would have people go sit down with a piece of
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: paper and I would say why are you doing this?
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: Why are you on my team? And they will write
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: it down and I'm looking at their facial expression. I'd
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: say why. They write down the next why.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Why? Is it hard to get people like to understand
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: that though like cause I know, I've str like I've
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: told three people this before, Like people like, why did
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: you start a podcast? And I'll just started like because
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: the Lord told me? So, Now that's my str I'm passionate,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: but because my relationship with the Lord. Yeah, you know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: but I do understand that everybody doesn't understand that. So
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: for people that are struggling with their why, what would
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: you how would you direct them into finding out there?
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: Why with?
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Or is it that just writing.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Writing it down? Keep asking yourself why? So the very
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: first time I'm trying to think of a book, Know
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Your Why, Know Your Why. That's the book that I
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: that I started reading, and I that book is so
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: torn up on my bookshelf now. And I was reading
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: that book and I I was sitting in that job.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: This was when I was still working in corporate America.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: I was sitting at my desk, supposed to be working,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: supposed to be taking calls from people that done got
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: into accidents. I was in insurance at the time. Yeah,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: but I'm sitting here reading this book at my desk,
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: and I pulled up a sticky note and I started
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: writing my reasoning. And at the time, I was pregnant
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: with my daughter. And originally the reason why I wanted
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: to build my network marketing company was to make sure
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: she was good. Yeah, But then I kept asking myself,
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: why why do you wanna make sure she's good? And
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: I would give another reason, and I was I I
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: believe what I wrote down the stinky note is still
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: sitting in my notebook at home. I wrote down it
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: was something along the lines of I want her to
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: have I never have to want. Why do you never
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: want her? I want her to never have to want
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: because there were things in life that I wasn't able
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: to get well why And I kept going and going
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: and going until I was literally at my desk in
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: tears m and then when that nerve got, I was like,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: this is my why. It ain't got nothing to do
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: with my daughter.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that moment? Do you remember what that cry? Why?
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Why that core? Why?
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I have been in situations. I've been in domestic
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: violent relationships, I have been homeless, I have been in
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: situations where I didn't know where food was going to
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: come from. And for me not having that control over
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: my life, it had nothing to do with making sure
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: she never has to want or anything. Of course, I
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: want her to benefit from it, right, But it had
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: everything to do with feeling in control of my surroundings
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: and feeling like I got this, I can provide for
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: this child that's on the way, and feeling like I'm
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: never gonna put her in a situation where we're eating
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: out of a trash can. I'm never gonna put her
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: in a situation where we got a we gotta make
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: sure tonight you can have this much oatmeal so that
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: just so we can get to Monday.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: Right, And so that's that's where my why ended up
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: coming from.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: That's so good. I wanna eventually go to the motherhood
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: peace because I'm Desiree and I are moms. Yet well
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I'm a dog mom. Hey, I'm a dog mom. But
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: it's not like taking that care of a child. Before
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I get to that question, I think I would be
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to know what's the what do you consider
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: the biggest mistakes people make? Let's say two to three
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: mistakes people make in building communities for the money.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: That's the first thing. Community is not about money, like
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: and a lot of times people think when we think communities,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: they only think about Facebook groups, discords, mighty networks and
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: different different platforms. Community was around long before social media. Yeah,
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: that's good. Martin Luther King built a community of people.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Malcolm X built a community of people. But it was
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: all facing one issue, one mission. Right, we can go
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: down the line of black Lives matter. I know it's
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: a controversial, but but we're still gonna Ye. It was
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: a community, right, And so a lot of times people
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: think I want to build a community because I want
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: consistent income on a month to month basis. Yes, that's great,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: and granted I do use it as a as a
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: marketing tool because that's where people's mindsets are. But at
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: the end of the day, if you're only focused on
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: the money, your audience is going to realize that, Yeah,
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: they're gonna feel that energy. But if you're focused on transformation,
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: if you're focused on giving the information, if you are
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: focused on making sure that your people are leaving with
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: more better than they came to you, you.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: You said that's so good. So I got a personal question,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: and because I know we're gonna say this out loud,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: because Neyla and I have conversations where I get fussed it.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I think I get fussed at weekly for something I
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: don't know. I get fussed at weekly for something.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Act like you don't be fussing at me too. Yeah.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So shout out to the community that we are
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: building the community acts for the community. If they didn't,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be doing it. Like, I'm just gonna call
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: it straight because I know I said this on morning
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: meet up one day talking to the young lady I
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: can't think of her name right now when I did
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: the moderations, and one of her things was like she
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: was very faith based or whatever, but she's in the
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: fitness program and she's making all this money off doing
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: this and she's her why was basically rooted in faith
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: and just believing that God has called her to do
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: this God, you know. And my struggle is, even though
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: it's not about the money, it's monetizing the community.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: How do I gauge where I put the price point
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: of where I want to serve?
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: Like I think I'm personally struggling with that.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: And I think if you're talking to other believers that
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: just want to give, give, give, give, gift, but you're
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: but also we're hearing monetize the community, meaning like put
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: a price point on it, let them join at this rate,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you know, do special things for them, like different episodes whatever.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I hear all of that, but then I'm sitting here
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: like Lord that I just I'm struggling with the heart,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: like I'm just I want to just give it. I
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: want to give it, but where do I You know,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: what does my gift make room for me? So for
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: somebody like me that help me? Please?
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: What would be your resolve for me? It's funny you
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: say that because I actually had a consultation with a client,
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: a potential client, yesterday, and she literally was having the
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: same exact issue. And one of my biggest things is
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: God did not put inside of you what he put
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: in you so that you don't live in abundance. Now,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: abundance looks like many different things. But he also told
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: us to make money off of the things that we
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: are able to do. He has parables where he talks
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: about using the resources that have been given to you
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: to make the money. Now, should that be the driving factor?
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not right. And so when we're talking about matching
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: the price tag to the value, your value should be
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: always be more than the price tag.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: You should never feel like I. I should never feel
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: like if I come into your community, I pay more
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: than what I'm getting, and I should never feel like
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: I'm paying equal to.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: What I'm getting. What does that look like tangibly?
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So let's say, for example, I build a community
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: where I only have you paying fifteen dollars a month,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: and you only get one session, one live session a
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: week or a month or every other week, depends on
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: how much summit. That's kind of that's kind of equal.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: If I'm only getting one live workout session and nothing else,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: or I only I pay you fifteen dollars a month,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: but I get two live sessions a week. I'm getting
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: a habit tracker, I'm getting a nutrition plan, I'm getting
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: a fitness workout plan specified for the goal that I have.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: I also have accountability an accountability group.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: That is based off of the goal.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: That I have. And I'm only paying fifteen dollars And
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: what does that do for the people that's in the community.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: What do you think the response is from the people
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: of the community that.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: It's a no brainer. When I see that the value
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: is more than what I'm paying it, it's no brainer.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: There is no reason why I can't figure out how
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: to get fifteen dollars every month I'm gonna make sure
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: if I don't pay the T Mobile bill, if I
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: don't pay something, I'm gonna make sure that fifteen dollars
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: please pay Mobile? Please, Hey they do it.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Look T Mobile got this thing? What else? Splitting their
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: half for you? Okay, and I use it. Don't be ashamed. Look,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: say just use resources.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Resources, go get divisors and start pointing out oil until
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: they more.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Okay. Revelate woman, God, revelate woman. Love no also, and
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I think that even hearing you talk, if I'm cause
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about Crystal Desiray. Where we are in this
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: workout group or whatever. And she made us. She had
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: us pay twenty five dollars for the year, the whole year,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: the whole year, January to December.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: We get up.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: She has four different opportunities for us to work out together,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: so there's accountability. She gives us a month, one month
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: of recipes or a meal plan. All right.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: She's always checking in.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: She's like, hey, when you done, clear done, Because some
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: people don't get on the zooms but they still do
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: the workout or whatever. So she's giving you a workout
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Monday through Thursday and then Saturday. She does this zoom
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: and she loves it. She has her own brand of
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: stuff that she's she buy I mean sales like supplements,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: body wraps, all this stuff like that, and literally deiate
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: delireate did it first, she did it last year or whatever,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: and then she knew thatut my goal. I kept complaining
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: about my weight, so she was like, why don't you
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: join Crystal. It's only twenty five dollars. So then when
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I saw what was going on, I told my sister.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Not all I tell my sister, I sold my sister.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: My sister sold into somebody else. At this point, we
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: knew the whole most of the community end up being folks.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: We knew because we.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Took that opportunity to say, hey, you gotta hop on this.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: And now I'm looking forward to paying her again, you know,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: like I'm looking forward to doing this because because for one,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: it was like, this is a no brainer to hop
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: on because I've paid way more, yes, way more than
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: listen you hear me, And god, you know, it's not
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: like I'm not getting results. You get results too. So
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: what you're saying is what I'm saying to compliment. What
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: you're saying is it's not just about the price point,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: but the value being more than the price point because
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: her value of what she's giddy. I'm like, it's a
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: no brainer, Like, you'll be crazy not to pay the
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: twenty five dollars.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: And I think that's where you're getting it.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Now. That may not be your thing, but that was
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: a that was a good example, So I I appreciate
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: you bringing it up. So let's let's uh pivot real quick,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: cause you're good at pivoting. You're good, You're good at pivoting. Okay,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: how do you know? With you being multi multi faceted,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: you've not only built communities, you had s uh, You've
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: ran social media platforms for people, You've meal prep for people.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: You still like, I'm like, I'm like, you've done so
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: many things. How do you know where Neela needs to be?
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: Mm? Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I don't know where I
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: need to be. And I actually just in I wanna
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: say the be Towards the end of springtime beginning of summer,
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: I started offloading stuff, probably even sooner than that, started
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: offloading stuff off of my plate because I started feeling
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: the walls closing on me and you and I had
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: a conversation about this when I was serving as the
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: lead for the events team at my church, and so
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: that was about the time. That was the time from
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: time where I started taking things off my plate, right,
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: because I started having such a clouded mindset and a
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: clouded vision of what needs to get done. Where do
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I need to be being at church? Nord lows. Wow,
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Lord knows, Lord knows. I love to serve. Yeah, I
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: love being in the church. Both my pastors and both
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: my parents are pastors. Right, I didn't know Miss Jens
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: was no pastor girl child child.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Both my parents pastors.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: I was raised in the church everything, right, I've gone
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: through the whole journey of a p K. But I
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: had gotten to a place where I can't be in
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: the church.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Every day all day.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, which is where they might as well have had
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: a bed in the back for me. Wow, Cause I
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: was there to the point where there were days where
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I would come home and she already sleep. I didn't
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: get to make dinner for her. I didn't get to
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: put her to bed. I didn't get to give her
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: a bath, read her story, none of that stuff. I
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: come home, I drop her off at school, and then
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: I go to the church and I'm coming home and
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: she already knocked out and he in the bed waiting, right.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: And so when it started getting to that type of
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: friction on top of other things that were happening, I
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: was like, all right, this gotta something has to give here,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: something has to give. And so when I started having
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: those feelings, I took it to my pastor. Like my pastor,
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: I blow his phone up real bad, like, sir, why
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: are you not answering your first call? Like on the
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: first ring? Why are you not answering right now? And
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: he and I had a conversation of seasons in people's
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: lives and how sometimes you had your going through a season,
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: but there are times when you serve a season. And
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: so I've started to notice in my life, okay, like
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: even now the meal propping. Yeah, I got a text
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: message I got to send out soon that season is
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: coming to a close.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Right, it did what it was supposed to do when
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: it was supposed to do it. It's time to start
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: start dusting those things, taking those things off your plate.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: So my pastor, he child, and nine times out of
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: ten when I call him, he'll be like, I don't
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: even know why you called me, because you know, because
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: you already know the answer.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: You already know.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to understand why you call my phone.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to understand the emotion that was attached to
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: pivoting like that, you know, especially like when you talk
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: about church, you talk about faith, and with you being
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: having experienced as being a preacher's kid, there's a r
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: a different level of responsibility that you think about, especially
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: when you talk about responsibility of a church. Right emotionally,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: did you feel guilty for pivoting for you and what
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: you needed for that season? If if you were, how
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: did you manage that?
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I felt and not even necessarily I felt guilty.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I felt like I was giving up a response. I
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: felt responsible. I really felt responsible for the team that
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: I had built. Mmm. I felt a responsibility to them
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: because of the fear of the hands that I was
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: leaving them in, of whose hands I was leaving them.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: Because I'm the type of person where I will get
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: in the mud with your right my team. I'm not
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: going to be the person up here watching my team
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: dig the dirt, dig in the dirt. No, I'm down
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: there with you asking you to hand me to shovel. Right.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: And I knew the person who I was leaving that team,
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: the hands I was leaving it is not that kind
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: of person, right, And so that feeling of like I
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: really don't want to leave them with them, I really
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: don't want to put them in the hands of somebody
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: that I know really doesn't care. They just want the
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: job done and they want it done right. Yeah, first time,
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: that was the biggest pool that I was having, right,
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: feeling like I was feeling like I wasn't going to
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: have if I do this, what is my purpose? No?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: No, no, because that it's very real. That is very well.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes and this is not even just in church. Sometimes
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: we don't release certain things because our identity has attached
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: itself to the thing that we're doing. And I think
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: that we have to be honest with ourselves regarding Okay, why.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Does this hurt so bad? You know what I'm saying.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I'll be transparent with you, Like I'm in a season
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: right now when I'm trying to navigate my location with
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: my church, right, I asked, Oh, Mary, I asked him, like,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: how is he able to balance being a pastor right
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: and having his business or whatever? And it's always in
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: my mind that because y'all know I still work in
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: nine to five. I'm not a full time entrepreneur yet,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: but how because there is liberty and in the time
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: of an entrepreneur, I said, well, they're doing this, and
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: they can do this because they have the flexibility and
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: the time to do it. And that's not actually true.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You actually probably have less time than me because I
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: structurally get a paycheck every two weeks. You know what
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, You're having to go hunt. You got a
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: hunt of food. So I'm trying to like figure out
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: how to balance what I'm doing and what I'm building, right,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: because I need you to understand that little This is
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: me because I heard this while you were talking, knowing
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: that you a builder, you will start responding like a builder, right.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: And I think that for me and you, we've had
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: both had the opportunity of realizing that we're builders and
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: not we can manage, but building is our first first
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: notion of calling, right, And so I think that while
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: you were talking, it just resonated with me because I
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: am in this season where I'm like God, where am
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: I supposed to be in my church? And if I'm
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: in the right position, please give me the grace to
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: not in doer, but executing excellence because I'm struggling right now,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: executing in excellence in the role that I'm in, and
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: the emotion exactly because I love I love the Lord
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: for real. It's not even just about my church. I
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: love my church, I really do. I love my pastor's
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: shout out to Pastor g Know Garner and Karine Garner.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: I love them now like they real them them my people.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: I'll fight you.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: I'll fight you if you play with my pastors. They know, okay,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: they know it.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: But no, I think that you're bringing up such a.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Powerful point and realistic point. And I think that also
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: choosing yourself, not even just choosing yourself, but understanding the
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: timing of where you are is important. And so you're
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, you have pivoted a lot, but you've not
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: You've done that at least what she five, she is
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: five years old. For the past five years, you've had
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: to do that being a mom. What has that been
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: like for you, trying to navigate being the best mother
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: but also building as an entrepreneur.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: It's rough, It is rough. And before I even answered that,
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: I want to go back to something you said though,
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: because you talked about the timing that a full time
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: entrepreneur has versus nine to five are has, Yeah, And
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: when I was working a nine to five job and
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: I was building my network marketing business, as in many
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: entrepreneur full time entrepreneurs, they will probably say this to
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: somebody who is a nine to fiver and is looking
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: to build their business or is in the process. We
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: get jealous of y'all because of the fact that the
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: little bit of time that you do have, the after
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: the nine to five, the five to nine, or the
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: five to the five to two before you have to
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: clock in that drive to work, that one hour lunch
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: break if it's an hour, y'all, your time has to
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: be intentional because of the fact we have so much,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: because we do have a lot more time. But because
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: we have more time, it leaves a lot more room
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: for the Well, let me get the laundry done real quick.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: Let me go run these errand let me I gotta
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: go grocery shopping real quick. No one get in a wall.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: You got groceries and refrigerator.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Right, I gotta take the kids to school. I gotta
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: do this, I gotta do that. So a nine to fiver,
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: it doesn't because you don't have as much free and
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: flexible time. Your time that you do have has to
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: be a lot more intentional in the way that you
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: spend it and use it. So because of that, you
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: guys are able to be more decisive in the activity
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: you put into your business. Yeah, so that's the first thing.
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: As a mom and an entrepreneur, it's hard. There are
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: days where I fail as a mom. There are days
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: where I lose my cool. There are days where I
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: even when I was pregnant with her, well, not even
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: right after I had her. I was in the process
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: of writing my second book, second or third book.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you left that out for the audience to let
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: them know that you would offer, But go ahead.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry she talked about me giving her the heat.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: So y'all, look, I was in the process of righting
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: my second or third book when I my went third book,
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: when I had when I right after I had her,
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: and I remember sitting on the couch her in one hand,
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: trying to rock her to sleep, and she trying to
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: hold the bottle up with the with the left and
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: then over here righting on the right hand side, writing
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: the book, trying to get things done before I had
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: to hop on the call for network my networking business.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: And right before I had her, I lost my job.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I was fired.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Six months pregnant, now a little bit before six months.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: I was three months pregnant when I gave them my
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: maternity to leave notice. A week later they served me
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: a termination.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: And then we fought back and forth for like a
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: month and some change. I got the EEOC involved, cause
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: I don't play that right right, and then eventually I
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: made my way out, and not realizing I had been
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: praying for God to push me out for a long time,
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: and so when that came around, I realized how this
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: could be hard. And in that moment of sitting on
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: the couch and I wasn't even living at home anymore.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: My my dad had kicked me out at the time,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: and cause we had got into a big argument I
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: had at the time, I had just met my now husband,
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: just met him, and I didn't know where to go mm.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: I was imping from hotel to hotel for about a
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: month and a half, two months pregnant is all get out,
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: And eventually one of his friends had a room that
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: she could rent to me. I rented the room. I'm
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: sitting on this couch, baby in one hand writing the book,
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: bust out crying, and I'm like, lord, I don't know
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: if I can do this. I don't know if I
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: can be the mom that she needs me to be.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: And I picked up the phone and called Chris, my husband. Now,
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: I picked up the phone and called him, and I said,
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: I need to find somewhere to give her up for adoption. Wow, Okay.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: So I saw a girl on TikTok that was she's
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: twenty three years old, and she was talking about how
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: she considered giving her She has three kids, and her
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: last kid they have the same father. The father's not
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: around or whatever. And I saw a post that she
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: made was saying that she was considering giving her child
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: up for adoption. How does one come to that, the
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: option of giving their child up for adoption?
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Where were you?
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Mentally?
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Because she's not adopted, y'all. She's right here, like over there,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: watching she quiet, she over here, and it's nothing for
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I want to be very clear, let me let you
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: hear this. If you were to make that decision for
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: your situation, there's nothing wrong with that at all at all.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I just want to know, like for you to even
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: come up with that. What in you thought that if
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: you weren't equipped to sustain? Now she started talking sustain
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: motherhood with.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: Her, It's actually something. So at first, going through that state,
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: I didn't think I was ready. Of course, I was
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: still wanted to live my life and everything else.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: What was her dad?
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: The abuse was the one that you dealt with abuse
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: with No, Okay, that was my ex husband. And then
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: after my ex husband, I got into this relationship and
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: it was great until I got pregnant. And then the
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: moment I told him I was pregnant, he sent me
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: a text message and said good luck. And I haven't
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: heard from him since.
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: Ever since.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, we won't st we won't.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: We won't, we won't go there. Let's go back to
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: the how we get to that.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: And So in the midst of all of this turmoil
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: going on and the feelings and him not even saying
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: that's not my child, admitting that that is his child,
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: and still not wanting to be there, going through all
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: of the judgment from church members and the kid, the
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: people that I grew up with in church, and going
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: through all the all the different feelings and emotions, then
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: I felt like I'm not mentally capable of raising somebody else.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: But now looking back and after having a multitude of
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: conversation with my mom, not necessarily about those feelings, but
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: just having in conversation when you leave, I was in
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: such a vulnerable state that when you leave enough room
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: for the enemy to come in. Yeah, he's able to
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: He's able to twist your thoughts.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: Right, And so yes, my mental was It's not that
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: I wasn't a fit mom mentally, but I was still struggling.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: There were times where I was like, look, I don't know.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: And Chris and I actually got into an argument about
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: it one day and it was on his birthday because
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: he was adopted. Wow, didn't know that he was adopted.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: And we've talked about this on other podcasts.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: So no, that's.
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: But he was adopted by his own family members. But
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: there was there was a call that his at the time,
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: his aunt who is now considered and now he now
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: is his mom, She got a call and say, you
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: have one hour to make a decision of picking him
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: and his sister up and if you guys do not
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: make a decision and come pick them up, they go
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: into the system.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: And so they had an hour to make that decision.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: They picked him up. And so when I would have
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: those conversations with him about her, he would he would
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: get a little you know, no, you're not gonna you,
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: not you. This is a decision that you made to
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: keep her, because when I met him, I was only
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: two three months pregnant. Oh wow, right, and so and
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: he actually in the very beginning of our friendship, he
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: had that conversation with me, are you sure you want
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: to keep this baby? And I was like, yeah, I'm sure.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: I was so gonna I was so gone ho on it.
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: And then when I finally had that baby, I was like,
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: I really don't know if I can do this as
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: a single mom.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: It was the expectation of thinking that her biological father
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: would be eventually.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: It changes my mind.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: Father not even that, because he has other kids and
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: I've watched him in the lives of his other kids,
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: and so in my mind, we in this situation because
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: I see how you are with them, I know you're
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: gonna be that father from my daughter.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: And it's still not the case.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: That's still not the case. So did you take that personally?
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: Not personally, No, because I just I just couldn't understand
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: it though. It just couldn't. I couldn't calculate in my mind,
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: like why my baby? I couldn't. I don't. I never
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: had the feeling or thought of it was something about me. Mm.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: It was always just why would you not.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Take care of my baby?
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: What's coming, Tom, what's coming to mind?
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: I'm hearing like like I'm forget I'm almost forgetting that
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: we're recording right now, Sorry y'all. But what's coming to
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: mind right now is how people there are tools. There
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: are different tools to build different things, alright, so we
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: we we're not gonna use the same tools to fix
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: a car that we would a bookshelf, right right, And
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: so what comes to mind is and not calling the
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: men of got a tool, but thinking of it as such,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't have the tools to build up baby girl,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: and God is trying to make sure that she is
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: properly built up. Maybe he has the tools for those
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: other kids, right, And so that's just that's what was
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: coming in my mind while you were sitting there talking.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we asked why, But the hindsight is if certain
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: people were in your life during a certain season, you
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: wouldnt have been going a direction that you would have
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: been going into right. And so I think that you
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: have to give yourself more credit than you have probably
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: do because what I know about you, and I know
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: the first thing that people say about you is that
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: you're a wonderful mom, like you really care about that
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: little girl.
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: And I'm curious to know.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: How your your mother, Missus Jannis, the relationship with you guys,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: how that has impacted you being a mom child. Y'all
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: just looked at me.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: So And it's actually funny because one my mom was
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: a single mom. Okay, with my older brother, she was
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: a single mom. Now granted his father, he's always been
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: in his life. She just but she did what she
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: had to do. She went through college with him on
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: her hip. Like everything. She did what she had to do.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: But we actually, I want to say, probably about two
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: or three months ago, I sat on the phone with
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: my mom and I told her she didn't have these
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: conversations with me. You didn't have the conversations with me
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: of what And we always, like people always joke in
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: life about how there's no handbook. There's no handbook for life.
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: There's no handbook for parenthood or motherhood or whatever the
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: case may be. And it's not that there's no handbook,
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: but there are people in your life who have gone
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: through what you've gone through, and the time to talk
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: to me, and not just in general, but like, well,
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: not personally, but in general. The time to talk to
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: somebody about the things that they're experiencing is not when
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: they're experiencing it that's so good, it's before they get
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: to that point. So the moments where I had the
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: conversation of mom, Dad, I'm pregnant, that was the most
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: gut wrenching moment in my life.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: How did they take it?
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: Disappointed? How did that make you feel like a disappointment.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: I think parents don't realize that though that word disappointment.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: I just talked to my my spiritual mom about this
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: and I was just like, when I tell you, there's
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: an anxiety attached to disappointment, and it's like, when I
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: hear that I disappointed you, that means I don't even
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: deserve to be here in my mind. And so I
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: think that you even saying that is an opportunity for
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: parents to be mindful of the language that they used.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: You might he's disappointed me. The thing is it's not.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: Typically it's not they won't. Sometimes my dad will tell
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: you he's disappointed. Yeah, but typically it's not even cause
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I'm very sensitive to energy. I'm very sensitive to body language. Yeah,
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: And nine times out of tend most parents will not
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: say it out of their mouths, yeah, but the energy
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: that they give, the facial expressions, the body language will
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: show I'm disappointed in you, yeah, which is even It's
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: more passive aggressive, yeah, which makes it worse.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: And so for me, I've always dealt with the fear
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: of disappointment my whole entire life, feeling like I've not
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: making my parents proud, always making decisions that they didn't
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: want me to make.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: Like when I dropped out of college, I knew my
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: dad was disappointed. I know he wants me to go
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: get a degree. I know even now me being a
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: full time entrepreneur, or it drives him up a wall
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: because he wants his door. I am, and I understand
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: it comes from a place of loving and caring, but
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: at the same time, it puts the feeling of being
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: a disappointment on me. And I've dealt with that my
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: whole entire life. Mm right, especially with the golden child
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: coming behind you.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: M Oh, you got a younger si brother, mm, and he's.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Doing all the things right I had. I'm I'm wonder
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: and I don't like to. I'm getting out of the
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: habit of making myself a statistic. But it's like, Okay,
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: you got my brother who's going to school, got a
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: great job, he's gotten married, he's got his own house,
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: he's got his house, and this, that and next thing
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: younger than me, all these things, And I'm sitting here
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: looking at myself and I'm like, I'm divorced, remarry, had
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: a baby. In between that, I ain't got no house yet,
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: I'm still figuring out my business and everything else. Dad
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: over here wants me to get a job. Mom wants
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: me to get a job. Grandma wants me to get
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: a job, like all the different things. But then you
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: got my the golden brother over here, who could do
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: no wrong.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: Right, And so for me, that disappointment weighs even more so.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: How do you overcome that as a entrepreneur child It's
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: probably not a healthy way.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Uh, let's keep it real, cause it is a safe space.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: If when I had my first when I had my
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: my divorce, my first divorce, I'm not gonna say it
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: that way, cause that leaves room for another one. When
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: I got divorced from my marriage, I that dis that
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: feeling of disappointment because we don't do divorces, yeah right,
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: that we as as Christian folk, as believers of God.
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: You figure out what it is and you you you
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: make it work. You you make it work, right, And
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: so that feeling of disappointment I ended up getting into.
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: I ended up becoming an alcoholic, real bad, to the
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: point where I think I was I got hospitalized twice mm.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: Once one time they one friend came and thank god
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: she had a key to my house. She came home,
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: found me passed out on the couch and rushed me
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: to the hospital. Another time, I had went to the
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: club for the weekend, and this was long before baby
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: Girl was born. Went to the club, went to Atlanta
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: City with friends for the weekend, and they didn't know
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: where I was. I has told them I was going
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: to the restroom and they couldn't find me by the
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: end of the night and I'm waking up in the
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: hospital MM. Because I just didn't want to feel. I
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: didn't want to feel the pain. I didn't want to
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: feel the disappointment I had that feeling of well, then
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: I'm just better off not being here, right, What's the
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: point of me being here on this planet if I'm
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: such a disappointment. And so for me, over time, I
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: have gotten I have sometimes I bottle it all up,
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: which is the not healthy part.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: But then I have my moments where I'll call somebody
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: up like you yeah right, yeah. And I have my
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: moments where I will just go in the bedroom and
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: cry and I don't want to be talked to. I
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: don't wanna I don't want to be bothered. I just
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: wanna be left alone. Yeah, right, And so I have
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: gone to.
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: Therapy over the years. Therapy is always a good option. Therapy, therapy, therapy.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: In our community, in the black community, real bad. Don't
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: skip therapy.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: Do not skip therapy. We all need it. I don't care, right,
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: And then my pastor I will blow his phone up.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. What I hear you saying is that you leaned
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: into community.
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: Mm.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: It goes right, okay, to community to community. And that's why,
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: whether free or paid, is always a opportunity. Because I
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: paid for the community seven figure pive. That's why I
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: m why I met Nela and she didn't know me
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: from a candapaign. She gave it a little stank attitude
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: when I first met her, like like everybody else desert,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: she had a little thinking attitude. It was bruh. It
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: was it was like cause I can't that. It was
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: with the podcast of it, and I was just like
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: the first one I was modering on. I was like, hey,
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm just a go to whatever. She's like, Okay,
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, I am. I am somebody else on
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: the flyer. My hair is red, you said. It was
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: just like and then I had been on the on
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: the call every week. Okay, like but no, but now
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: she loved my duty job. Not now she loved my job.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: But no, sis, No, it goes back to community, y'all.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: And I really want y'all to hear that part, like,
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: bless you, baby girl, you got some tissue over here.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: The thus landing the plane on this is understanding that
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: we are. We all have these gifts, especially as the builder.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: Right when we talk about the builder, thank you, Holy Spirit.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: I hear you. You as a builder needs needs a community.
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: The educational part of the community. Okay, cool, that's a benefit.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: But the best part of being in a community is
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: the fact that I got I get to meet Nella hashtag.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: If you not haven't heard, there's a race and I
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: would not be friends if we did not join the
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: same community. It's not around anymore. That community is not
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: so don't even try to join that community. That community
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: is not there.
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: However, I need you to understand that.
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: Our community, the safe space, is here so that you
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: can connect, not so you can just connect with me
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: and Desertray, but so that you can connect with each other. Right, Yeah,
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: Dave leads the communities that I met her in. But
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: the relationship I have with Nella is not the relationship
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: I have with Dave. And maybe I will never have
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: that relationship, but Dave gave me an opportunity to connect.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: And so when you're thinking about joining a community, when
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: you're thinking about even building a community, that's why the
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: why has to be important. Why do I not only
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: why do I want to build, but why do they
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: want to join? You know what I'm saying. So I'm
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: so glad that you shared that because some people can
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: look at you and be like, oh, she got it
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: all together type stuff? Right, what you over there thinking about?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: Because you over there shaking their leg.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: It's just natural that just naturally happens.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: You're just excited.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, you know, I love this conversation because.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: I am I too. I don't know how to say it.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: I'm multi.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: Right, And it wasn't up until you know, a couple
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: of a few years ago that I began to lean
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: into all of them because you know, I think society
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: is like focus on this, or you got a niche
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: this and this on this, like I am only this,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: so I would say I'm just a hairstylist, which at
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: the time that's that's the only thing that I was doing, right,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: So as I begin to just lean into the other
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: spaces that were opening up, I'm like, oh, I'm all
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: of these things, and I can do all these things.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: But I started to realize there are seasons for them,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So I believe, like I
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: think even at with church, you know, just just a
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: comment sometimes like oh you're you know you you manage
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: and do these things so wellness because I'm aware that
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: I'm there for a season, like whether it's a long
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: season or a short season. But I know the purpose
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: of me being there is for me to grow in
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: these roles.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: So the moment that that assignment has finished, then now
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: it's time for me to go to whatever the next
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: thing is. And it's the same thing with hair, it's
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: the same thing with photography, same thing with podcasts producing,
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: same thing with grass, same thing with all these things.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: I know that there's seasons where I may do all
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: of them, and there are seasons where this may not
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: look like this, you know. And as I'm just growing,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: I'm learning to be okay with that. And also it
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: can be a client by client thing like this. One
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: client may need this part of me and the other
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: one may need all of them, you know.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: And I just believe that.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: God gives us the grace to manage.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: Whatever that looks like as long as we're open to
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: managing partnering with Him with it. Because I had for
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: so long I was doing things for money, Like I
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: was like, I can make really good I made really
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: good money in the hel salon, okay, and did. But
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, this is bigger than just money.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: Let me start leaning into community, let me start leaning
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: into what this what this actually is. And when I
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: started doing that, I'm like, oh, I'm just the manager
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: of this thing anyway. And as I just begin to,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: you know, circling these lanes. I'm like, Okay, now I
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: don't have to be so overwhelmed with this because I
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: can just give it back, to give it back to
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: the Lord. And so that was a really encouraging conversation
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: because I think there are so many people who are
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: gifted at multiple things, and I think we just have
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: to understand that there's a season for it. You know,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: there's seasons for these things because there's there's nothing new
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: under the sun. And so I just I just appreciate
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: even hearing your story.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of us can find ourselves in
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: certain pieces of that story and also realize that there's
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: still hope and they're still joy on the other end
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: of it. As you're still journeying, right, there's still like
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: your story is really still being written.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 4: And so I'm just grateful.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: I remember at first I didn't recognize you at this
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: podcast something because I think last time I think your
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: head was blue, she.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: Didn't she didn't change the hell so many times I
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: think it was cut it.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: And I was like, man, she is so sweet, cause
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: Jessica talk so highly of you all the time, and
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: so to really just get to I think that's the thing,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: Like people really think they know you just because they
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: see you in a certain space, but they really just
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: don't know like the foundation of like why you are
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: like you are, you know what I'm saying. So I'm
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: grateful that we got to got a little insight of
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: miss Nella today. So thank you so much for sharing
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: your story.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it, like real bad. I'm I'm so glad
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: because secret is it ain't no secret. I'm all Now
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: that you here, I can talk about them. But we
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: was supposed to, we had scheduled to do this last year,
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: earlier this year, and we finally got to, you know,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: get Nella in the building. Nella's family, she has an
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: open door to just as just because of the relationship,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: you know, and all the way you got I got
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: a relationship with Nella's because I came in the community,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: and so I know, we talked about a lot and
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: you shared.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: A lot.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: On the tradition, as you already know, as a tradition,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: we allow our guests to have the final word. And
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: so if you can't any anything on your heart or something,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: just you wanna like hone in on something that we've
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: already talked about before. Is yours?
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: Okay? First and foremost I wanna say to you, cause
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever said shared this with you.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 3: But this friendship is a friendship that I prayed for.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: Oh don't maybe gris this friendship will go ahead, Get
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: the tissue cause I have one in my hand. This
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: this friendship. I have always prayed for friendships that stretched me,
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: that I can build with And because I have always
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: felt like the loner, have always been the person that's
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: there for everybody that poor and pours and pours into
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 3: the friendship, but then nobody pours back into me. And
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: so I thank God for you because you have been
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: that friend for me. That's girl, we both to start crying.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: My last is big enough to cover.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: My tears, like.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: You have been that friend for me, and I thank
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: God so much for you. You are amazing, You are spectacular.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: I want you to live louder than that redhead of
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: yours because there is so much more that it's in
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: you that has not been pulled out yet. You be
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: pulling stuff out of people, but there is so much
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: more in you that has not even come to the
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 3: light yet. That's the first thing.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to be quiet.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: When I do stuff like that. What I would say
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: to your audience and to those who are watching listening,
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: first and foremost, if Jesus needed a community before he
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: left this planet physically, what makes you think you don't
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 3: need one? What gives you the audacity to feel like
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: I can do this by myself? I got it that
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: term self made. If Jesus wasn't self made, if he
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 3: wasn't able to spread the word the way that he
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 3: and I'm sure honestly he probably could have, But if
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: he wasn't able to do it without the disciples, what
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 3: on this planet Earth makes you think that you can
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: do it by yourself? So good? That's my first thing.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: My second thing is, just like I just told Jessica
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: that there's more in her. You were placed on this
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: planet for something. Don't short change yourself, and I'm saying
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 3: this from experience. Don't short change yourself. Don't feel like
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 3: there's no reason for you to be here. I have
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: gone through the trenches of depression, I have gone through
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 3: the trenches of trying attempting to take my own life.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: There is no reason why you are not supposed to
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 3: be here, So take it as a sign. If you
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: wake up tomorrow morning, if you woke up today, you're
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 3: not done. There is a reason why, whether that's you
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: need to build a community, whether that's there is a
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 3: community out there that needs to hear your voice, whether
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 3: that is there is something that needs to be built,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: because we talk about being builders today, whether there's something
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 3: that needs to be built, but it can only be
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: built by your hands. That's why you're still here.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: That's why you're still here. Man.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: Feelings are mutual.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: I always say the Lord knows who to put in
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: my life because at this point I'm okay with the
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: friends like that, So she's stuck with me. Okay, Nola,
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I appreciate you so much.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: Does it ray you know what time it is? Love
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: your girl? I love you too. Listen. Make sure y'all
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: come in, like, come in subscribe. You haven't done so.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know what you're doing, but yeah, make sure
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: you join the family. Make sure you get in community,
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: even if it's not the safe space. There's so many
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: different communities that you can join that make sure that
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: you have what you need and get you connected to
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: the right people and so on. That note, I love
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: you guys until next week. Until next time, remember life
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: could be much more simple if you just asked, thank
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: you for tuning in to this week episode. Since you've
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: made it this far, you might as well connect with
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: us on all social media platforms at d Jessica S. Smith.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always thank.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: Thank God for one another day. Hey, hey, I know
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: another day. Hey hey, I'm just thankfu for another day.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: Hey hey, another day? Oh, another day wise, another day
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: to get it right, another day to rise up, another
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: day living, another day we loved ones. I always remember
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: hold it down for a ball one?
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay