Latest / Dear Chelsea / Hitting On People At Funerals

Transcript

Hitting On People At Funerals · Dear Chelsea

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. Welcome to Dear Chelsea. Thanks for tuning in
0:04
Speaker 1: and listening. Do you tune in it? I don't know
0:06
Speaker 1: what goes on anymore. I have to say that I
0:11
Speaker 1: had the absolute best time playing the Santa Barbara Bowl.
0:13
Speaker 1: I want to thank everyone who was there. It was
0:16
Speaker 1: such good vibes. I had tons of friends come out,
0:19
Speaker 1: and I'm just really excited about my stand up tour.
0:22
Speaker 1: So I wanted to give you guys some more stand
0:25
Speaker 1: up dates. If you live in Cincinnati, September, I'm coming
0:28
Speaker 1: to Cincinnati. If you live there, get your tickets. I'm
0:31
Speaker 1: coming to Detroit on October one. October two, I'm coming
0:35
Speaker 1: to Indianapolis. That's in Indiana, and then October three I
0:40
Speaker 1: will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So I am coming
0:43
Speaker 1: to perform Taft Theater, Filmore Detroit, Detroit, the Murat in Indianapolis,
0:48
Speaker 1: and then Davos Performance Hall in Grand Rapids. And if
0:53
Speaker 1: you don't live in one of those cities, I'm probably
0:55
Speaker 1: coming to a city near you. I'm coming to Florida.
0:58
Speaker 1: There's a lot of action in Florida. I'm coming to Portland, Maine.
1:01
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Jacksonville, Miami, Beach St. Petersburg, going to Arizona, Reno,
1:06
Speaker 1: all of my places anyway. Look for tickets at Chelsea
1:10
Speaker 1: handler dot com, ticket Master Live Nation only fans. So
1:16
Speaker 1: I am coming to you, and I hope that you
1:20
Speaker 1: guys come and see my vaccinated in Horny too are
1:22
Speaker 1: because it's so much fun and I go off. It's
1:26
Speaker 1: O G Chelsea, I am. I'm just so sick of
1:33
Speaker 1: I've been trying. I've been homeless everybody for for I'm
1:35
Speaker 1: not homeless. I'm in a rental house, but I might
1:37
Speaker 1: as well be homeless because everything in this rental house
1:39
Speaker 1: was broken so many times. I just can't even believe.
1:41
Speaker 1: It's almost like I'm in a practical joke show like
1:44
Speaker 1: Girls Behaving Badly, a show that I used to be on.
1:47
Speaker 1: I feel like it's pranking me. First, there was an
1:50
Speaker 1: electrical fire. I had to be taken out of the
1:53
Speaker 1: house by the l A p D. Or no, the
1:55
Speaker 1: l A Fire Department. The police were not there, thankfully
1:59
Speaker 1: because they don't like me either, and they had to
2:02
Speaker 1: basically lift me over the gate to the rental house
2:05
Speaker 1: because the gate would not open or close. So I
2:07
Speaker 1: slept in a hotel for seven days. Then I came back.
2:10
Speaker 1: Then the A C broke in the house, then the
2:13
Speaker 1: oven broke, then the air conditioning broke again, and then
2:16
Speaker 1: they pulled something out of the air conditioning unit that
2:18
Speaker 1: looked like something my father would have dreury rigged together
2:21
Speaker 1: when he was a car dealer, a used car dealer.
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Speaker 1: It was like duct tape, like a phone wrapped in
2:27
Speaker 1: duct tape, with styrophone stuffed in between the phone and
2:29
Speaker 1: the duct tape in the middle of the air conditioning conduit.
2:32
Speaker 1: And I just looked at it, and I thought, is
2:34
Speaker 1: this my father haunting me? I am in a rental
2:37
Speaker 1: house that is tantamount to the rental house that my
2:40
Speaker 1: father used to rent on Martha's Vineyard, where he described
2:43
Speaker 1: the basement as a pie de te, Like, I am
2:46
Speaker 1: paying a large amount of money for a house that
2:48
Speaker 1: doesn't work, and the owners seem to think that they're
2:53
Speaker 1: not responsible for any of these inconveniences. So I am
2:56
Speaker 1: just like you know, and I'm at a point where
2:59
Speaker 1: obviously I'm not gonna get involved with these kinds of
3:03
Speaker 1: arguments and stuff because I just can't. It's too silly
3:07
Speaker 1: and it's too much of a waste of your time.
3:10
Speaker 1: But I would like to go on the record and
3:12
Speaker 1: say that I have not cried once, and five years ago,
3:16
Speaker 1: before therapy, I would have been a real basket case.
3:19
Speaker 1: But I've slept without air conditioning several nights. Now I
3:22
Speaker 1: have fans that I have to turn on, and I'm thriving,
3:26
Speaker 1: you know, just waiting to get the hell out of there.
3:28
Speaker 1: So if anyone knows of another rental that I could
3:30
Speaker 1: rent in the meantime, please, I'm looking in that Greater
3:35
Speaker 1: l A area. Maybe it's time for me to move
3:38
Speaker 1: to the valley. Maybe I just give it and give up.
3:40
Speaker 1: And additionally, I had a house that I bought, but
3:43
Speaker 1: then I found out that Mulholland Drive owns like part
3:47
Speaker 1: of the land in front of the house that I bought.
3:50
Speaker 1: So I pulled out of that house as soon as
3:52
Speaker 1: I found out that at any point the city of
3:54
Speaker 1: Los Angeles could decide to widen Mulholland and my lawn
3:58
Speaker 1: would be shortened. I thought. That also reminded me of
4:01
Speaker 1: my father. They have an easeman. I thought my father
4:03
Speaker 1: would buy a house with an easement like that, where
4:06
Speaker 1: you thought, you know, it's unlikely that that would happen.
4:08
Speaker 1: Maybe it isn't unlikely. It seems unlikely. It seems like
4:11
Speaker 1: it would be hugely expensive to widen Mulholland. But in
4:14
Speaker 1: the event that they did decide to do that, I
4:16
Speaker 1: would just have to let that happen. Totally devalues the
4:18
Speaker 1: property and the privacy. So I have no house again.
4:21
Speaker 1: So I feel like a nomad right now. I feel
4:25
Speaker 1: very like anchor rudderless, you know, without a house. But
4:29
Speaker 1: I also I don't want to commit to Los Angeles.
4:32
Speaker 1: I have this I don't know. I'm going through something.
4:34
Speaker 1: Hopefully it's early menopause. And in other exciting news last
4:38
Speaker 1: week's episode where we talked about Pandemic of Love, my
4:41
Speaker 1: friend who runs Pandemic of Love. You can follow her
4:44
Speaker 1: at Mindful Skater Girl on Instagram. Her name is Shelly
4:47
Speaker 1: to Gilski, who I will have as a guest when
4:50
Speaker 1: we return for season two. For sure, we had over
4:54
Speaker 1: a thousand listeners call in to become donors at Pandemic
4:57
Speaker 1: of Love, so a thousand of you got eyes heard
5:01
Speaker 1: that and then decided to go help a stranger in
5:04
Speaker 1: the name of mutual aid. So I just want to
5:06
Speaker 1: say thank you to everybody who did that and for
5:10
Speaker 1: the people who are struggling right now and receiving mutual
5:14
Speaker 1: aid from strangers and people who are kind enough to
5:18
Speaker 1: help you. You will be in a position in the
5:21
Speaker 1: future where you will be able to do the same
5:22
Speaker 1: for others. So it's the gift of giving, and it
5:25
Speaker 1: continues and it's a beautiful thing. And I can't wait
5:28
Speaker 1: for you guys all to meet Shelley because she's just
5:29
Speaker 1: a great friend and she's just started this incredible organization
5:33
Speaker 1: and everyone who hits me up on Instagram that I
5:36
Speaker 1: turn over to her, she has helped pay their bills.
5:39
Speaker 1: They vet everybody to make sure that they are paying
5:41
Speaker 1: the bills directly, and they're helping people in their times
5:44
Speaker 1: of need. So this is important and it's a good
5:47
Speaker 1: reminder about humanity. And then not everybody's a fucking asshole. Okay, Okay, anyway,
5:53
Speaker 1: what do we do now, Brandon? Okay, So this is
5:55
Speaker 1: pasting future. So these are questions people have about past
5:58
Speaker 1: issues or upcome events. So one of them is a
6:03
Speaker 1: question about a new job. Someone who is cautious about
6:06
Speaker 1: releasing his memoir, someone who can stop thinking about her
6:09
Speaker 1: childhood crush. So we cover a lot of bases today
6:13
Speaker 1: and our first submission comes from Ashley. We actually have
6:15
Speaker 1: a little voice note from her. She's twenty nine out
6:18
Speaker 1: of Houston. She's a teacher, so let's play her voice memo.
6:23
Speaker 1: Hi there. I'm Ashley, a twenty nine year old teacher
6:25
Speaker 1: in Houston, and I'm having a hard time deciding if
6:28
Speaker 1: I should stay at the school i'm at or move on,
6:31
Speaker 1: maybe even try a new city. I'd give the school
6:33
Speaker 1: I work out five out of ten. Leadership is awful. However,
6:38
Speaker 1: my partner teacher is my best friend and I love
6:41
Speaker 1: working with her. The thought of leaving what I know
6:43
Speaker 1: for something different gives me major anxiety, and I tend
6:47
Speaker 1: to shut down. There's a part of me that would
6:49
Speaker 1: love to live in a different city and move on.
6:51
Speaker 1: But what if I move and it's a worse situation.
6:55
Speaker 1: Should I just be thankful for the good I have
6:56
Speaker 1: and leave it alone? Thank you? I would say that
7:01
Speaker 1: if you have severe anxiety that you're already worried about
7:06
Speaker 1: that will be a result of moving into a situation
7:09
Speaker 1: that you're not going to have a clear idea about
7:12
Speaker 1: for a long time, that you might want to just
7:15
Speaker 1: stay where you are. You've got a best friend, that
7:17
Speaker 1: you love working with. That's a lot more than a
7:19
Speaker 1: lot of people have. And if she's a teacher, right,
7:23
Speaker 1: and if you are a teacher and there's poor leadership
7:25
Speaker 1: where you're teaching, I would say that they need you
7:28
Speaker 1: even more if you love your job and what you do.
7:31
Speaker 1: If it's a five out of a ten, you know,
7:33
Speaker 1: maybe you and your friend can make that school six
7:35
Speaker 1: out of a ten instead of a five out of ten. Like,
7:38
Speaker 1: you have so much more influence than you even realize,
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Speaker 1: And so I wouldn't quit on the school because of
7:44
Speaker 1: the leadership. I would use that as a reason to
7:46
Speaker 1: stay at the school because of the board leadership. What
7:49
Speaker 1: do you think, sweetheart? I agree. I think that if
7:52
Speaker 1: you do want to leave, it's always best to have
7:53
Speaker 1: some sort of game plan in place. So if there
7:56
Speaker 1: is a catalyst for you moving, like you really just
7:59
Speaker 1: want to live in a new city, I can understand
8:01
Speaker 1: that if you have things kind of set in place,
8:03
Speaker 1: like you know, you've mentioned that you have a partner
8:05
Speaker 1: teacher that you love working with, that you are happy
8:08
Speaker 1: outside of the leadership that you're getting at the school,
8:13
Speaker 1: then that should be more reason, as Chelsea said, for
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Speaker 1: you to invest in the school and make the change
8:19
Speaker 1: you want to see. I think if you're having anxiety,
8:22
Speaker 1: like if you need a guarantee that you're gonna love
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Speaker 1: the city you're going to move to, and that you're
8:25
Speaker 1: going to find a new best friend and you're gonna
8:27
Speaker 1: find with all these things. If you need that to
8:29
Speaker 1: be guaranteed in order to make the move, then don't
8:31
Speaker 1: make the move. Like you have to be open to
8:34
Speaker 1: that maybe not working out and then maybe you go
8:36
Speaker 1: to a different city. You kind of have to have
8:39
Speaker 1: a different kind of attitude and a different set of anxiety, right, totally.
8:43
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think you should probably stay what is
8:46
Speaker 1: her name against Ashley. I think you should stay put
8:48
Speaker 1: Ashley and continue to build your community and build a
8:52
Speaker 1: school that you're in and just be a fucking badass
8:54
Speaker 1: example for all your students and help them be better too.
8:58
Speaker 1: That's that I feel like I need a protein shake.
9:01
Speaker 1: I felt like that was a protein shake. Would you
9:04
Speaker 1: like one of my meat six that you please don't
9:06
Speaker 1: open the meat sticks inside the podcast studio. I haven't
9:09
Speaker 1: eat it before it came into We have to find
9:11
Speaker 1: a house where we can build where we can have
9:13
Speaker 1: a room as a podcast studio because the studio we're
9:17
Speaker 1: working out of. It's very sterile, and it's in the valley. Yeah,
9:21
Speaker 1: you don't love the valley. I don't mind the valley. Actually,
9:24
Speaker 1: I have to say, this is a very short jaunt
9:27
Speaker 1: and it's very easy to come here, so I don't
9:29
Speaker 1: mind the valley. It's better than going to Beverly Hills.
9:31
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills is the worst, and it's way better than
9:34
Speaker 1: when we have to drive over to Hollywood. Oh well, yeah,
9:38
Speaker 1: that was the worst. Hollywood is a bit it's just
9:41
Speaker 1: a bit dirty. It's it's very dirty. Olive l A
9:43
Speaker 1: is getting very dirty. Honestly, it's alarming. Okay, we're going
9:48
Speaker 1: to take a break for a quick at and we'll
9:50
Speaker 1: be right back. Our next mission comes from Oh this
9:54
Speaker 1: is an interesting name, truf um t r E f
9:57
Speaker 1: o M. He's on the East Coast. He's a writer,
10:01
Speaker 1: and he says, Dear Chelsea, life will be the death
10:04
Speaker 1: of Me was so excellent that it moved me to
10:06
Speaker 1: finally write the memoir that I have been rattling around
10:08
Speaker 1: in my brain for many years. The challenges that it's
10:11
Speaker 1: pretty unflattering to my mother and one of my sisters.
10:13
Speaker 1: Do I go ahead with it. I'm even using a pseudonym.
10:16
Speaker 1: But I'm still unsure. My mother has dementia, so she'll
10:19
Speaker 1: likely never be offended, but my sister certainly will. She
10:22
Speaker 1: hasn't spoken to me more than six years. I have
10:24
Speaker 1: no idea why I'm guessing I'm an asshole or something. Well,
10:28
Speaker 1: it's good to self assess in that in that way,
10:30
Speaker 1: he goes on to say, But but in the final analysis,
10:34
Speaker 1: she sucked me over pretty good when we were kids,
10:37
Speaker 1: So should I even care what she thinks about the memoir?
10:39
Speaker 1: P s. I'm not just some winker who thinks I
10:41
Speaker 1: can write a memoir. I'm a professional writer with more
10:44
Speaker 1: than thirty years of experience. And he's on the phone. Hi,
10:47
Speaker 1: Cheff Chaffam cheff M. Yeah, So Traffam's my pen name,
10:51
Speaker 1: Truff Markoff. It's actually my great grandfather's name. He was
10:54
Speaker 1: a Russian immigrant. Okay, I was going to say, that's
10:56
Speaker 1: not a name I've ever heard. So, but if you've
10:59
Speaker 1: been working with the name, okay, got it? Russian? Okay,
11:01
Speaker 1: that's why I haven't heard it. So why doesn't your
11:04
Speaker 1: sister talk to you? Chelsea? I wish I knew, I
11:08
Speaker 1: really wish I knew so about seven or so years ago.
11:12
Speaker 1: She just kind of turned me off, didn't respond to emails,
11:16
Speaker 1: text phone calls. I wanted to reach out, I mean,
11:19
Speaker 1: I tried to several times over the course of the
11:21
Speaker 1: first I don't know, like two or three years, and
11:25
Speaker 1: I never got a response. So eventually, you know, I
11:27
Speaker 1: just started feeling got chumped, and I thought, I'm done
11:30
Speaker 1: with this. If she doesn't want me in her life,
11:33
Speaker 1: I'm done with this. But is there anything that could
11:34
Speaker 1: have happened that you think might be the reason why
11:37
Speaker 1: she's not speaking to you. I mean, I guess there's
11:40
Speaker 1: no single incident I think that stands out in my mind.
11:44
Speaker 1: She's always been very jealous of the fact that I
11:46
Speaker 1: have a good relationship with my in laws, and things are,
11:49
Speaker 1: you know, oftentimes strained with my own family of origin,
11:54
Speaker 1: you know, mostly her and my mother. But a particular
11:58
Speaker 1: incident I don't know, and this goes October two was
12:02
Speaker 1: the last I heard from her. And do you have
12:04
Speaker 1: other siblings? I do. I have a younger sister and
12:07
Speaker 1: a younger brother. Relationship is good with both of them.
12:10
Speaker 1: My mother is eighty and she's dealing with pretty fair
12:15
Speaker 1: amount of dementia, even though she doesn't admit that. Okay,
12:19
Speaker 1: well most people with dementia don't right anyway, So sorry
12:25
Speaker 1: we topic. Okay, but wait, I'm not done with your siblings.
12:30
Speaker 1: So that you are other two siblings that you do
12:32
Speaker 1: have a healthy relationship with. Do they talk to your
12:35
Speaker 1: sister not in a healthy way? You know, there's there's
12:42
Speaker 1: things that they have to do and discuss in relation
12:45
Speaker 1: to taking care of our mother. But you know it's
12:48
Speaker 1: not like you know, me and my younger brother and
12:50
Speaker 1: my younger sister, we actually get along. We have good relationships.
12:55
Speaker 1: They are a few years younger. So the deal with
12:58
Speaker 1: my older sister is that we're only eleven months apart.
13:00
Speaker 1: We were born in the same calendar year. She in
13:02
Speaker 1: January and I had December, so we were basically raised
13:06
Speaker 1: together and the dynamic hasn't changed from when we were kids.
13:11
Speaker 1: She is a professional judger. She judges, that's what she does.
13:15
Speaker 1: And so my you know, my entire childhood growing up
13:18
Speaker 1: with her was her judging everything I did, everything I said,
13:23
Speaker 1: everything that meant something to me, my friends, my girlfriends,
13:27
Speaker 1: and so she carried that over into our adult lives.
13:31
Speaker 1: She just you know, never stopped being that person, and
13:35
Speaker 1: so now the memories that I have of my childhood
13:38
Speaker 1: are kind of veiled with a shroud of her judgment,
13:42
Speaker 1: of like in her voice. So you know, it's had
13:46
Speaker 1: that kind of a of a profound impact on me,
13:49
Speaker 1: to the point where now that I'm I'm writing a
13:51
Speaker 1: manuscript about my younger years, what do I do with that?
13:56
Speaker 1: You know? Am I brutally honest about the way this
13:59
Speaker 1: affected me? Or do I be the kinder person and
14:03
Speaker 1: temper what I write without the brutal honesty. And I
14:06
Speaker 1: was profoundly moved by Life will be the Death of Me, Chelsea.
14:10
Speaker 1: So and that's kind of inspired me. I've been a
14:13
Speaker 1: professional writer for so many years. This is the first
14:14
Speaker 1: time I'm actually writing something about me, and it's because
14:17
Speaker 1: of your book. Oh wow, well thank you. Okay, So
14:21
Speaker 1: you're you're describing the dynamic between you and your sister,
14:24
Speaker 1: and you're describing her behavior. Can I ask you about
14:27
Speaker 1: your own behavior in relation to your sister, Like, how
14:30
Speaker 1: did you what's your part in that? I'm the younger one,
14:33
Speaker 1: I'm eleven months younger, So when we were kids, you know,
14:36
Speaker 1: she got to experience everything before I did, and so
14:39
Speaker 1: I tried to, I guess, you know, have that to
14:44
Speaker 1: look up to, but it never really worked out. And
14:47
Speaker 1: then by the time we were teenagers, and then you know,
14:51
Speaker 1: in our younger twenties, I want to say, I was
14:55
Speaker 1: maybe twenty or twenty one when our when our father
14:57
Speaker 1: died so young, the dynamics changed even more so where
15:02
Speaker 1: I was taking care of the house and trying to
15:05
Speaker 1: put myself through college, and I was immediately thrust into adulthood,
15:09
Speaker 1: but there was I don't think she had the same
15:12
Speaker 1: kind of inclination to do that. So that kind of
15:16
Speaker 1: set the pace for us in terms of what we
15:18
Speaker 1: were going to be like as adults. And I always
15:21
Speaker 1: wanted an older sister. I have a younger sister, a
15:24
Speaker 1: younger brother. I wanted a healthy family dynamic. My wife's
15:27
Speaker 1: family is a good example of that. It just it's
15:30
Speaker 1: an apple and an orange, though it was just never
15:32
Speaker 1: the same. Yeah, yeah, but you have to really think
15:34
Speaker 1: about why she acted that way. You know, people who
15:37
Speaker 1: are judging are unhappy, and it's about looking outward rather
15:41
Speaker 1: than looking inward, right, And you have to try to
15:44
Speaker 1: remember that she's obviously coming from a very different place
15:47
Speaker 1: and have as much empathy for her as possible. So
15:50
Speaker 1: it's it's a conflict because I hear what you're saying.
15:52
Speaker 1: I would always want everyone to pursue their dreams. Like
15:55
Speaker 1: you writing a novel for the first time, or not
15:57
Speaker 1: a novel. You're writing your own story, right, and an
15:59
Speaker 1: autobiographical story, so you're writing that. But if you're writing
16:02
Speaker 1: under a pen name or an alias, like you know,
16:05
Speaker 1: you're going to change all that. You have to change
16:07
Speaker 1: all the real stuff anyway. Legally, when you're writing a
16:09
Speaker 1: book like that, you have to make people unrecognizable and unidentifiable.
16:13
Speaker 1: So you know, you have to make your sister somebody
16:16
Speaker 1: with a different name and different occupations. She lives in
16:18
Speaker 1: a different city, so there are ways to shroud that.
16:20
Speaker 1: But if she do, you know that she's going to
16:22
Speaker 1: be reading your stuff, because it sounds like she's pretty disengaged.
16:26
Speaker 1: She's very disengaged. I have no idea. I look at
16:28
Speaker 1: it this way, you know, with the decent relationships I
16:31
Speaker 1: have with my other siblings, and if this does actually
16:35
Speaker 1: come to light, you know that, you know, whether it's
16:38
Speaker 1: just a personal manuscript or something that actually gets published.
16:42
Speaker 1: I find it hard to believe that it won't be
16:44
Speaker 1: revealed to her. Right, No, No, you know what. I
16:47
Speaker 1: was just reminded by something my friend said to me once,
16:49
Speaker 1: which is like, just assume everything you do is going
16:51
Speaker 1: to be heard by the people that you're talking about,
16:54
Speaker 1: and that's true, Like it will get back to her.
16:56
Speaker 1: Of course, again, you could write a manuscript and it
17:00
Speaker 1: could be published, or you could write a manuscript and
17:02
Speaker 1: it couldn't be published. So it's a lot of ifs,
17:03
Speaker 1: ants and butts, right, I mean, hopefully we're we're going
17:06
Speaker 1: to work under the assumption that it will be published
17:08
Speaker 1: and it will be a huge success. Excellent, Okay, So
17:12
Speaker 1: worried about hurting her feelings? Brandon, what do you think
17:15
Speaker 1: about that? While I think I think that you have
17:17
Speaker 1: to write as authentically as possible, I don't think you're
17:20
Speaker 1: going to do yourself any favors by minimizing your experience
17:25
Speaker 1: because obviously it's still unsettling for you today and this
17:28
Speaker 1: has been ongoing for a very long time. I think
17:31
Speaker 1: you're both in a state of arrested development and your interactions,
17:34
Speaker 1: and I think that probably comes from her not getting
17:36
Speaker 1: the limelight that she thought she was due as the firstborn,
17:40
Speaker 1: but tailed very closely by a brother, and my siblings
17:44
Speaker 1: and I are all thirteen months apart, so I kind
17:46
Speaker 1: of understand that dynamic where everyone was fighting to some
17:49
Speaker 1: degree for the attention they thought they were owed. And
17:52
Speaker 1: it seems like she took that into adulthood and upon
17:54
Speaker 1: the death of your father, she knew the pillar she
17:58
Speaker 1: was supposed to take as the l this child, but
18:01
Speaker 1: forced you into that position basically because she's like, I'm
18:04
Speaker 1: not doing this, like I didn't get my moment. I'm
18:06
Speaker 1: not responsible for this. You deal with it, and she will,
18:11
Speaker 1: without doubt read the manuscript whatever it turns into. She
18:15
Speaker 1: will because she's narcissistic to some degree that again, she
18:18
Speaker 1: didn't get that moment, Like now you're writing about her,
18:21
Speaker 1: so that's really gonna like tickle her fancy in a way,
18:24
Speaker 1: even if you know it's not flattering. But again, I
18:27
Speaker 1: think that's why you have to write it authentically, and
18:29
Speaker 1: there are appropriate and respectful ways to go about that
18:31
Speaker 1: with her. You can send her a version of it
18:34
Speaker 1: before it's released, before you do anything with and say
18:36
Speaker 1: these this is my reference to our childhood. These are
18:40
Speaker 1: my memories. I understand they may not align perfectly with
18:43
Speaker 1: your experiences, but I do want you to have this.
18:45
Speaker 1: I want you to be aware. If you'd like to
18:47
Speaker 1: discuss anything before it goes out, I'm happy to do so.
18:50
Speaker 1: Like there are ways to that's a nice way of
18:53
Speaker 1: going about it. Yeah, they're I think they're just respectful.
18:55
Speaker 1: Is that you have to operate in your best interest
18:58
Speaker 1: as well, and in the best way. How you would
19:00
Speaker 1: want someone to do that for you? And I don't
19:02
Speaker 1: think you do those things to spite someone else. Like,
19:04
Speaker 1: obviously you care for your sister. You know that's it's biological.
19:08
Speaker 1: You can't not care for your siblings. But I also
19:11
Speaker 1: don't think you have to prioritize how she's going to
19:13
Speaker 1: feel to tell your story. Yeah, so, like I agree
19:18
Speaker 1: with that. I want this to be authentic. I wanted
19:21
Speaker 1: to be honest. These are you know, even though the
19:25
Speaker 1: names have been changed, or real stories. These are my
19:28
Speaker 1: real stories. And so you know, if I go in
19:31
Speaker 1: there and and I write dishonestly by omission, then you
19:35
Speaker 1: know it's not my story anymore. That's true, And you
19:37
Speaker 1: do have every right to tell your story. And I
19:39
Speaker 1: mean listen, just by the very fact that you're contemplating
19:42
Speaker 1: it means that you're conscientious about it, which is a
19:45
Speaker 1: good sign, which means you're not an narcissist or an asshole.
19:48
Speaker 1: I mean, you might be an asshole and a narcissist,
19:50
Speaker 1: but you know, these questions aren't down that line. So
19:53
Speaker 1: again it's like you're writing under a pseudonym like I
19:56
Speaker 1: think that allows a lot of room for people to
19:59
Speaker 1: get over of themselves. But again, I think Brandon's advice
20:03
Speaker 1: is spot on for this. I think providing her with
20:06
Speaker 1: the materials beforehand so she doesn't have one more thing
20:09
Speaker 1: to say she was blindsided, you know, so she doesn't
20:12
Speaker 1: have any more ammunition against it. Be sensitive to the
20:15
Speaker 1: fact that it is your sister that she is struggling.
20:18
Speaker 1: You probably stole her thunder in a big way that
20:20
Speaker 1: you have no idea about the mere presence of you
20:23
Speaker 1: being born probably disrupted her entire flow right her, She
20:27
Speaker 1: is off. So I would say that, yeah, that that's
20:31
Speaker 1: all you can do because you can't prevent You can't
20:33
Speaker 1: let somebody else's feelings prevent you from telling your truth. Well,
20:36
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think I ever didn't believe that.
20:39
Speaker 1: I think I just needed, you know, to hear somebody
20:41
Speaker 1: say it. Yeah, Well great, I mean, problem solved sounds
20:44
Speaker 1: like good luck with your manuscript. Well, thank you. Yeah,
20:49
Speaker 1: I'm glad I didn't have to exit that zoom the
20:52
Speaker 1: interworking of sibling relationships, because you know, I've written so
20:56
Speaker 1: many books where I've exposed my siblings behavior are stunt,
21:00
Speaker 1: stand up and talked about my family in ways that
21:03
Speaker 1: has hurt them, and I've gotten in trouble and I've
21:06
Speaker 1: hurt my sister's feelings a lot, or my brothers, and
21:11
Speaker 1: you know, some of them are so insensitive that they
21:13
Speaker 1: don't care and they're just like whatever. But I was
21:18
Speaker 1: very insensitive not to run it past them because I
21:20
Speaker 1: just think you're part of my family, like you gotta
21:22
Speaker 1: you gotta suck it up, Like this is my story.
21:25
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell it. You know. Of course I'm
21:27
Speaker 1: going to tell a joke about it and stand up.
21:29
Speaker 1: But I learned that that's not the right way to
21:31
Speaker 1: go about it. So I think presenting the people with
21:33
Speaker 1: the material is really the most upright thing to do.
21:37
Speaker 1: Do you think that that reframes your stand up material
21:40
Speaker 1: as well, So not just in in the books, but
21:43
Speaker 1: when you're going to make a reference to somebody, I
21:45
Speaker 1: know you've really been thoughtful about how to tell a
21:48
Speaker 1: joke without making someone feel bad or bringing someone down.
21:52
Speaker 1: Do you think that that affects how you present your comedy.
21:56
Speaker 1: Did you think it affects your comedy being any less
21:58
Speaker 1: funny in a way? Well, I mean there's always an
22:02
Speaker 1: asshole to make fun of it, right, There's no shortage
22:05
Speaker 1: of assholes luckily. But yeah, I mean it's a good
22:08
Speaker 1: it's a good challenge to not be able to make
22:11
Speaker 1: cheap jokes. That's a good challenge for anybody. Which is
22:14
Speaker 1: a challenge I welcome. I like to be challenged. It
22:16
Speaker 1: makes people work harder. I like to be given a
22:18
Speaker 1: little structure because I'm so a structure list and so
22:21
Speaker 1: chaotic that I like when somebody says, Okay, this is
22:23
Speaker 1: the world you're going to live in. Now build a
22:25
Speaker 1: house Like, okay, great, I like this. I like this challenge.
22:29
Speaker 1: So but yeah, I have jokes that I've written that
22:31
Speaker 1: are about you know, I'm like, this is a bit
22:34
Speaker 1: that works. Is am I going to be able to
22:35
Speaker 1: tell this on a special like it's about a member
22:38
Speaker 1: of my family or it's you know, like it's gonna
22:40
Speaker 1: always get back to that. There's never any way around
22:43
Speaker 1: that for me. So, and what is your kind of
22:46
Speaker 1: spectrum now or I don't know how we would look
22:48
Speaker 1: at this, but when you are writing a joke and
22:52
Speaker 1: you think it's funny, but it might be on the
22:54
Speaker 1: threshold of like crossing a line, whether it be about
22:56
Speaker 1: a family member or just something socially or you know, well,
23:01
Speaker 1: like I want to tell I want to do this
23:03
Speaker 1: bit about, you know, just white male privilege and how
23:06
Speaker 1: even young people, you know, the guys that think their
23:09
Speaker 1: woke and progressive, are aren't, you know, And and how
23:13
Speaker 1: my nephew is woke and a liberal and very progressive,
23:16
Speaker 1: but he's still is just basking in white male privilege,
23:21
Speaker 1: basking in it, basking and it man splaining ship to
23:24
Speaker 1: me left and right, all of us, and it's like,
23:27
Speaker 1: oh my god. You know, like I remember when they
23:30
Speaker 1: stayed with me during the quarantine. I'd walk downstairs and
23:33
Speaker 1: he's just splayed out on my couch, you know, in
23:36
Speaker 1: shorts with his legs open, and I'm like, meanwhile, the girls,
23:41
Speaker 1: of which there were four of us, we're all we
23:44
Speaker 1: have our air pods in because we're sharing a house together.
23:48
Speaker 1: Nobody's sitting on the sofa spread Eagal and I want
23:51
Speaker 1: to talk about that, you know, I want to talk
23:53
Speaker 1: about how it's so inured into men's nature to take
23:56
Speaker 1: up more space and to have less regard for others.
23:59
Speaker 1: But I know my sister is gonna get pissed at
24:01
Speaker 1: me and she'll be like, can you not do that bit?
24:05
Speaker 1: Or maybe my nephew needs to hear me do that bit?
24:07
Speaker 1: Maybe you should maybe should do the bit for him
24:09
Speaker 1: and get his response. This is a great way to
24:11
Speaker 1: test and see if my sister Simone is listening to
24:13
Speaker 1: the podcast, because she's not, she'll be in touch. She
24:17
Speaker 1: can write in Actually, yeah, Simone, if you're listening, if
24:19
Speaker 1: you have any questions, you can write it. No. I mean,
24:21
Speaker 1: these are all things which obviously said to him to
24:24
Speaker 1: my nephew. But it's a thing now. It's like once
24:26
Speaker 1: you have the term to identify it, it's everywhere. Like
24:31
Speaker 1: once you realize, oh, white male privilege is a thing,
24:34
Speaker 1: it's like all you see is that, and so it
24:38
Speaker 1: becomes kind of like again, that is a little bit
24:40
Speaker 1: more thoughtful, even implied in comedy than some of these
24:43
Speaker 1: easier targets. Like there was a radio show host. I
24:45
Speaker 1: don't know if you saw this, but a radio show
24:47
Speaker 1: host I guess of a very popular show who walked
24:49
Speaker 1: off quit his show because he could not make fun
24:52
Speaker 1: of Demilovado changing their pronouns today them was his name
24:56
Speaker 1: Piers Morgan, because that sounds like fucking what peers I
24:59
Speaker 1: love walking off the show. Only a white man would
25:02
Speaker 1: walk off a show. Do you think a person of
25:05
Speaker 1: color would storm out of a show? Do you think
25:07
Speaker 1: a woman would get up and storm out of a show?
25:10
Speaker 1: Only a fucking white man? Yeah, because they know that
25:14
Speaker 1: there's going to be another opportunity person's straight white man,
25:18
Speaker 1: where that's not the case with a person of color
25:20
Speaker 1: or a woman, because they don't know if that opportunity
25:22
Speaker 1: is going to come back. But I just thought that
25:24
Speaker 1: was interesting because it was so obvious. It's so easy
25:28
Speaker 1: to make fun of some of these changes that we're seeing,
25:32
Speaker 1: because for a lot of us it's jarring. I mean
25:34
Speaker 1: even for me as a gay person, it's a little overwhelming.
25:36
Speaker 1: I actually this is a good opportunity to talk about
25:38
Speaker 1: because I was talking to my friend last night and
25:41
Speaker 1: we were talking about, you know, non binary and changing
25:45
Speaker 1: the pronouns, and so there's a pronoun where you can
25:48
Speaker 1: be she or her and then you can choose to
25:51
Speaker 1: be she and they. So what's the distinction there? Can
25:56
Speaker 1: you break that down? Okay? So one of my friends
25:58
Speaker 1: in his instagram by because now on Instagram you can
26:01
Speaker 1: program your pronouns, and his is he they and His
26:08
Speaker 1: rationale for that was, he identifies as a man, but
26:12
Speaker 1: any person can also be identified plurally. We already do
26:15
Speaker 1: it to some degree. They ran for a drink whatever.
26:19
Speaker 1: So he thought that it was more inclusive to also
26:22
Speaker 1: be able to be applied plurally than just as a singular.
26:27
Speaker 1: It's not it's not a representation of how there's a
26:31
Speaker 1: sexual identity evolved in that. It's just he they, So
26:35
Speaker 1: she and her and then she and they is just
26:38
Speaker 1: that's just it. They want to just it's more inclusive.
26:42
Speaker 1: I think, So then why don't we just do that
26:43
Speaker 1: for everything? I'm sure that's not the case for everyone.
26:45
Speaker 1: This is going to be a learning process. Everyone has
26:49
Speaker 1: a learning curve with this. Right now. My partner works
26:51
Speaker 1: in LGBT media. There are daily changes in the representation
26:55
Speaker 1: and the pronouns. There are things that are basically just
26:58
Speaker 1: sounds like zees er. Those are pronouns. You don't see
27:02
Speaker 1: them used, but that's a thing what is z Those
27:06
Speaker 1: are two pronouns, so there's there's just a plethora. I
27:10
Speaker 1: think that's like all encompassing that there's and again, all
27:13
Speaker 1: we can do is learn and accept it and just
27:15
Speaker 1: get it right. Well, let's see if we get this
27:17
Speaker 1: next advice right. This is from Sonny thirty four, Seattle.
27:22
Speaker 1: It's an alias, I'm sure, but we'll talk to Sonny.
27:25
Speaker 1: Why do you say that because it's in quotes. Yeah, well, yeah,
27:28
Speaker 1: then I would say it is an alias. She's a
27:31
Speaker 1: store manager for a luxury brand. She writes, Dear Chelsea,
27:34
Speaker 1: I enjoy the company I work for, and I also
27:36
Speaker 1: have a really tough boss. I know that if I
27:38
Speaker 1: can stick it out, there will be good opportunities on
27:40
Speaker 1: the other side. But this lady is killing me. She
27:42
Speaker 1: wants a business robot who doesn't have feelings or emotions.
27:46
Speaker 1: I've been that bitch before, and that is not who
27:48
Speaker 1: I want to be anymore. I'm stressed and exhausted all
27:50
Speaker 1: the time from trying to be myself and being bullied
27:53
Speaker 1: back into the box of who someone else thinks I
27:55
Speaker 1: should be. I've been at this company for seven years
27:58
Speaker 1: and I don't want to start over. What the fun
28:00
Speaker 1: do I do. Hi Sonny, Hello, Hi, Hi Brandon, Hi.
28:07
Speaker 1: How are you. I'm doing well. How are you all doing?
28:10
Speaker 1: We're doing well too, Thank you. So tell us about
28:13
Speaker 1: this woman that you work for. What's her story, what's
28:16
Speaker 1: the problem, what's the dynamic. Yeah, the dynamic is interesting.
28:21
Speaker 1: I have worked with this woman for about three years
28:25
Speaker 1: and only reported directly to her for the last six
28:29
Speaker 1: months or so. And she's definitely a little bit on
28:32
Speaker 1: the older side. She's been in the industry for a
28:34
Speaker 1: really long time. She's very well respected in the company,
28:38
Speaker 1: but she has a lot of those just older tendencies, right.
28:42
Speaker 1: She gets really uncomfortable when people are emotional. She gets
28:46
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable anytime people start talking about money or personal problems.
28:52
Speaker 1: So it's, you know, she's not really with the times
28:55
Speaker 1: when it comes to what people are currently kind of
28:58
Speaker 1: going through in the world. And even and I think of,
29:01
Speaker 1: you know, being a woman in the workplace and wanting
29:03
Speaker 1: to talk about some of those problems, talking about, you know,
29:06
Speaker 1: how do you make more money, how do you make
29:07
Speaker 1: network connections. She's really just cuts you off and puts
29:11
Speaker 1: you at a distance, and it's really uncomfortable with all
29:14
Speaker 1: of that. She loves a woman who is very business oriented,
29:18
Speaker 1: you know, like put on your blazer, put on your
29:20
Speaker 1: red lipstick, and let's get to work. And I just
29:24
Speaker 1: can't do that anymore. I've been that person. It's really unfulfilling,
29:28
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do. Well, first, I mean,
29:31
Speaker 1: you say you love working there. This woman seems like
29:33
Speaker 1: she's not with the times. But I would argue that
29:36
Speaker 1: you cannot let one person control your disposition or mood.
29:41
Speaker 1: Right You're giving her way too much power. She's only
29:43
Speaker 1: your boss right now. You're only reporting to her right now.
29:47
Speaker 1: So like, there are workarounds that you can do to
29:50
Speaker 1: tolerate this woman and kind of get what you need
29:53
Speaker 1: and give her what she expects. And you have to
29:56
Speaker 1: look at this situation as temporary and all of the
29:59
Speaker 1: other pos of things around it. Like you've been there
30:01
Speaker 1: for seven years, you love the work, you just don't
30:04
Speaker 1: like her personality. That's no reason to leave a job. Yeah,
30:08
Speaker 1: for sure, I know that you're right. I also I
30:11
Speaker 1: don't know, like how long I can continue to be
30:16
Speaker 1: under the emotional duress, you know, without having more an outlet.
30:20
Speaker 1: I guess, So, how do you feel the emotional dress?
30:23
Speaker 1: I mean I'm a I lead other people, so leading
30:27
Speaker 1: other employees to being a manager, you're kind of like
30:30
Speaker 1: at that critical friction point of you know, I need
30:33
Speaker 1: you guys to take care of the customers. I need
30:34
Speaker 1: you to do these things, and I also am here
30:36
Speaker 1: to take care of you. Right, I'm their leader. I'm
30:38
Speaker 1: their boss. And anytime there's something that we need to
30:43
Speaker 1: work through as a team or a problem, and I
30:45
Speaker 1: want to work through it with my leader, you can't
30:48
Speaker 1: bring that emotion into it. It has to be one
30:51
Speaker 1: about the business and when you're working with people, when
30:54
Speaker 1: your whole job is to take care of people, to
30:57
Speaker 1: not have that same mentality for your self. That's what
31:01
Speaker 1: I find. Really it's grinding where it's like I'm giving
31:04
Speaker 1: a lot for my team and I I would hope
31:07
Speaker 1: that I would have someone who is doing the same
31:10
Speaker 1: thing for me. And it's hard to just pretend like
31:13
Speaker 1: everything is fine all the time. Okay, well, but you
31:17
Speaker 1: seem to be going to an empty well for water, right,
31:19
Speaker 1: you seem to need emotional support, yet you're going to
31:22
Speaker 1: somebody who's not equipped to give it to you. Yeah,
31:24
Speaker 1: you're definitely right. So can you get that emotional support elsewhere? Like,
31:28
Speaker 1: can you go to a therapist and get an emotional support?
31:31
Speaker 1: Are you in a position where you can afford to
31:33
Speaker 1: go to therapy? I can afford to go to therapy. Yes,
31:37
Speaker 1: that is definitely something that I am actively doing and
31:41
Speaker 1: will continue to do. So you're in therapy, yes, I have, Well,
31:45
Speaker 1: I see a stress coach. So I'm seeing a coach,
31:48
Speaker 1: which is helpful, helpful to have tools and some active resources,
31:53
Speaker 1: but it doesn't really alleviate the fact that you're being
31:56
Speaker 1: stifled emotionally at work for sure. Yeah, ups at home, right,
32:00
Speaker 1: it helps when I leave work and walk away from it.
32:04
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about her, like who's senior to her?
32:07
Speaker 1: Like is there a scenario that you would have a
32:09
Speaker 1: conversation with someone that's supervising her about this dynamic? Definitely,
32:15
Speaker 1: and that has happened. So I did have a skip
32:19
Speaker 1: level with him earlier this year, and he said, on
32:23
Speaker 1: one hand, I know there's a place for you in
32:25
Speaker 1: this company. I know that there's a place for people
32:27
Speaker 1: who want to come to work and be wholehearted and
32:30
Speaker 1: take good care of the employees and take care of customers.
32:33
Speaker 1: And you have to understand that she is the way
32:37
Speaker 1: that she is, and so it's now like this culture
32:41
Speaker 1: that this is her behavior. I'm not the only person
32:43
Speaker 1: who experiences it, and so I have to deal with it,
32:46
Speaker 1: and it's like you have to suck it up, right, Well,
32:50
Speaker 1: I would say the same thing. I think you're need.
32:52
Speaker 1: You're going to need to get that emotional support that
32:55
Speaker 1: you're looking for from someone else, and whether that's a
32:57
Speaker 1: girlfriend or whether that's like a partner or a relative,
33:01
Speaker 1: a sister, brother, or a therapist. I think you do
33:05
Speaker 1: have to kind of accept people for who they are
33:07
Speaker 1: and stop expecting them to fulfill Even though we're living
33:10
Speaker 1: at a different time and times are changing, people are
33:13
Speaker 1: not fucking caught up. They do not get the message,
33:15
Speaker 1: and people are stuck in their ways. And you can
33:18
Speaker 1: have empathy for her and sympathy for her, you don't
33:20
Speaker 1: have to act on that. You don't have to show
33:22
Speaker 1: up for her in any of those ways. You just
33:23
Speaker 1: have to take care of yourself and you cannot look
33:26
Speaker 1: for her to do it. So I really would suggest
33:28
Speaker 1: that you find that kind of outlet for yourself, because
33:31
Speaker 1: you're taking care of yourself in a way that's going
33:34
Speaker 1: to make you understand that she is just a pawn.
33:37
Speaker 1: In this game of life. And if she's not worth
33:39
Speaker 1: you leaving a company over where you enjoy your position,
33:43
Speaker 1: she will be gone at some point and hopefully you
33:47
Speaker 1: will remain there and you will be in a different position,
33:50
Speaker 1: or you'll be in her position. I mean, yeah, that
33:52
Speaker 1: would be the dream. Yeah, So I think, imagine leaving
33:55
Speaker 1: because of her. I mean, what does that say she
33:57
Speaker 1: has that much power over you? Well, I also think
34:00
Speaker 1: what it would do for like the next person who
34:02
Speaker 1: has to report to her or the rest of the
34:04
Speaker 1: people on my team. It's like, at least now they
34:06
Speaker 1: have me and they can report to me, and I
34:08
Speaker 1: care about them and I take the time for them.
34:10
Speaker 1: And it's like if they had to report directly to her,
34:13
Speaker 1: would just be turned into burning. So I think, yeah,
34:15
Speaker 1: very good, Yeah, good to be that person put the
34:18
Speaker 1: people on my team. And no, you're totally right, it's
34:21
Speaker 1: totally temporary. Yeah, she's not gonna be around forever. And
34:24
Speaker 1: you know you're not gonna be at this job forever.
34:26
Speaker 1: But as while you like it and while you enjoy it,
34:29
Speaker 1: you need to like look at her as a like
34:31
Speaker 1: a project in your mind, and you are going to
34:34
Speaker 1: handle her the way she handles you, you know what
34:36
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a special case that needs kid gloves.
34:40
Speaker 1: And this is the personality I put on when I
34:42
Speaker 1: have to report to her because I'm going to play
34:44
Speaker 1: her game better than she's going to play it. And
34:47
Speaker 1: you know, she's not even playing a game. She's just
34:48
Speaker 1: being you know, older and not with the time. So
34:51
Speaker 1: I think that, yes, I think that's what you should do.
34:53
Speaker 1: You should really just get ahead of this. You're letting
34:56
Speaker 1: her control you and you can control the situation. Yeah,
34:59
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Any other advice
35:03
Speaker 1: for a woman in the working world and carving out
35:06
Speaker 1: their own path, that's something that you excel at. Chelsea. Oh,
35:10
Speaker 1: I thought you were talking to Brandon. I am a
35:12
Speaker 1: woman in the working world. Listen, I understand. I've been
35:15
Speaker 1: in charge of people who wanted to emotional support for me,
35:18
Speaker 1: Like I've had people work for me and I didn't
35:21
Speaker 1: have the bandwidth. You know. I try to be there
35:23
Speaker 1: for as many people as I can, but I can
35:25
Speaker 1: also relate to her and having to deal with so
35:28
Speaker 1: many changes and having so many people come to you
35:30
Speaker 1: and and not being equipped to, you know, have people
35:33
Speaker 1: emotionally lean on you. So I can kind of see that,
35:36
Speaker 1: But I would just say to be the example that
35:39
Speaker 1: you want to see. You know you want to It's
35:41
Speaker 1: like being the change you want to see. You can
35:43
Speaker 1: only model what you want to portray. And the best
35:46
Speaker 1: version of yourself is is not to look at certain
35:49
Speaker 1: people like, oh, they don't get it, they don't understand me.
35:52
Speaker 1: It's like every personality is handled in a little bit
35:55
Speaker 1: of a different way. You have to handle people a
35:57
Speaker 1: little bit differently, and that's a fun challenge if you
36:00
Speaker 1: look at it like that, you know, because then you
36:02
Speaker 1: can get to her in different ways, and who knows
36:05
Speaker 1: what kind of relationship you can create when you stop
36:07
Speaker 1: resisting the fact that she's not on the same page
36:09
Speaker 1: as you and look for other commonalities between the two
36:12
Speaker 1: of you. Yeah, and model the change. I love that
36:15
Speaker 1: you said that. It's like, who knows what's going to
36:17
Speaker 1: happen if I can do me and be myself and
36:20
Speaker 1: like work around her instead, right, Like, and you can
36:24
Speaker 1: do that, You can totally do that. My friend isn't
36:26
Speaker 1: a job where she has a bunch of people reporting
36:28
Speaker 1: to her, and she has one woman that reports to
36:31
Speaker 1: her that complained about her, and she was like, oh
36:34
Speaker 1: my god, you don't understand how much time and how
36:37
Speaker 1: much effort I've spent with this girl, and I've sat
36:40
Speaker 1: with her and she's failed to complain about me, and
36:43
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, there's like so much there's like
36:46
Speaker 1: this huge chasm between them now because they're just both
36:49
Speaker 1: not on the same page at all. So, I mean,
36:51
Speaker 1: it's not uncommon. It's happening all over. It's just like,
36:54
Speaker 1: aren't you smart enough to figure out a way around that?
36:57
Speaker 1: I think so? I think you're right. Yeah, all right,
36:59
Speaker 1: Well problem solves, Sonny. There you go, good luck, Thank
37:02
Speaker 1: you so much, Bye, Sonny, thanks for calling. Appreciate the time.
37:06
Speaker 1: By Chelsea by Brandon, Bye bye bye. Oh god, must
37:15
Speaker 1: working retail? I do not, Oh god, that would just
37:19
Speaker 1: be that must be so catty. Although women are learning
37:22
Speaker 1: to be kinder and gentler to each other, people just
37:25
Speaker 1: need to learn to be kinder and gentler. Well, women,
37:28
Speaker 1: women have been pitted against each other, and you know
37:31
Speaker 1: they're they're pitted against each other because of of our culture.
37:34
Speaker 1: And women need to know like we're all on the
37:36
Speaker 1: same team, Like you've got to look out for other
37:38
Speaker 1: women always, always, always. Yeah, that is something else I
37:40
Speaker 1: was thinking about the other day was how these younger
37:44
Speaker 1: stars show up for each other in a way that
37:46
Speaker 1: like Whitney Houston and Mariah Kerry did not. This is
37:48
Speaker 1: a very gay reference, but there's like they now see
37:52
Speaker 1: through all of that bullshit, all of the background noise, like, well,
37:55
Speaker 1: there can only be one of you. That's not true. Obviously,
37:58
Speaker 1: it's been proven time and time and end. So all
38:01
Speaker 1: these women like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry realized like,
38:03
Speaker 1: oh what, we don't need to have the sort of
38:05
Speaker 1: dynamic like we can support each other even if we
38:07
Speaker 1: aren't best friends. But that's that's not the narrative we
38:09
Speaker 1: need created for us. How are these girls supporting each
38:12
Speaker 1: other more? Now? They just show up, They're doing music
38:14
Speaker 1: videos together, you know, there's they're coming out for each
38:17
Speaker 1: other's projects, and there was I saw something recently that
38:20
Speaker 1: it was Maria Kerry had Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande
38:24
Speaker 1: on one of her Christmas songs, which was a huge deal,
38:27
Speaker 1: Like she's never done this before, She's never had someone
38:29
Speaker 1: of Ariana's caliber singing with her, and just for so long,
38:32
Speaker 1: like you're saying, women were positioned like you are the
38:35
Speaker 1: only one. You are the best. You can't allow anyone
38:37
Speaker 1: else to come in. And you know she had to
38:39
Speaker 1: get with the times to and be like, oh, I
38:40
Speaker 1: can't operate that way. Like we need to be supporting
38:43
Speaker 1: each other, we need to be leveraging one another. So
38:47
Speaker 1: that is nice to see that women are stepping out
38:49
Speaker 1: and yeah, that's the way it should be what men
38:52
Speaker 1: want them to do. Okay, So speaking of what men
38:55
Speaker 1: would like us to do, let's take a break in
38:59
Speaker 1: terms of you know, the memoir writing and offending your
39:01
Speaker 1: family member. I mean, I'm already doing that again, you know,
39:04
Speaker 1: as I mentioned earlier, I'm doing it in stand up.
39:06
Speaker 1: I'm talking about living with my nephew. I told him
39:09
Speaker 1: when I saw him on Nantucket, like, hey, you're in
39:11
Speaker 1: my set. He's like okay, So you know, I'm not
39:16
Speaker 1: the best person to give advice on that topic, which
39:18
Speaker 1: I would like to reiterate, Brandon. Our last mission comes
39:22
Speaker 1: from I think Laura. Yeah, good to Laura, she writes
39:27
Speaker 1: your Chelsea. When I was born, my mom was a
39:29
Speaker 1: nanny for an old, rich family that owned a large
39:31
Speaker 1: estate which we lived on every day or most days.
39:34
Speaker 1: My mom looked after two boys and me until we
39:36
Speaker 1: moved away. When I was eleven and didn't keep in touch.
39:39
Speaker 1: Fast forward, I'm now forty nine. I started dreaming about
39:41
Speaker 1: the youngest boy who I was besotted. What does that
39:44
Speaker 1: word besotted means? To have a to be taken by
39:49
Speaker 1: somebody like a crush. Okay, I'm gonna incorporate. I was
39:54
Speaker 1: besotted seven or eight years ago. I started daydreaming about
39:57
Speaker 1: meeting him, and then one day his dad died and
40:00
Speaker 1: my mom went to his funeral. We went in for
40:03
Speaker 1: a quick coug He gave me eye contact in a
40:05
Speaker 1: nervous way, and we hardly spoke. I cried all the
40:07
Speaker 1: way home. My mom was really concerned, and then I
40:10
Speaker 1: went into an emotional depression for weeks. I know he's
40:12
Speaker 1: married with three children. His wife looks a bit like me,
40:15
Speaker 1: so that made me smile. Let me just keep going.
40:19
Speaker 1: I emailed him once, but he never spent responded. My
40:22
Speaker 1: mom died a few weeks ago and my mom called
40:25
Speaker 1: him and he never replied. But from the other side
40:30
Speaker 1: read Laurelan Jackson's book, You'll know but his brother always
40:33
Speaker 1: keeps in contact. I have the opportunity to go to
40:35
Speaker 1: my mom's celebration party in this summer, but I don't
40:37
Speaker 1: feel like I can put myself through the rejection again.
40:39
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is I have a really immediate
40:42
Speaker 1: response for her. My question is do I forget about
40:44
Speaker 1: him and leave him the past, or do I go
40:45
Speaker 1: to the party and trying to rekindle some sort of
40:47
Speaker 1: relationship even though I feel deep down that he doesn't
40:50
Speaker 1: want to go there. I've attached an old photo of
40:52
Speaker 1: me and him. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice. Hi, Laura,
40:58
Speaker 1: you need to move the on. He's married over. It's over.
41:04
Speaker 1: He's married right now. For he's married. For as long
41:07
Speaker 1: as he's married, there's no chance of a reconciliation, or
41:10
Speaker 1: there's no reconciliation because there never was anything to begin with.
41:14
Speaker 1: So I want to just say, like, you sound slightly delusional,
41:18
Speaker 1: and you really are letting a man who isn't seemingly
41:23
Speaker 1: interested in you have way too much control over you,
41:27
Speaker 1: Like you're stronger than that, and you can find somebody
41:30
Speaker 1: else and not focus all of your attention on a
41:33
Speaker 1: childhood crush, because that's all it was. You had a
41:36
Speaker 1: childhood crush. We've all had them, and then we grow
41:39
Speaker 1: up and they're over, and yours is over. So you
41:44
Speaker 1: have to listen to the fact that this is not
41:47
Speaker 1: not healthy. Not healthy, honey, sorry to call you honey.
41:50
Speaker 1: I don't want to be patronizing or condescending. I want
41:53
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be loving, like you're better than this.
41:56
Speaker 1: This is not who you are or who you want
41:58
Speaker 1: to be. This is just something old that you kind
42:02
Speaker 1: of need to I think it will be a great
42:04
Speaker 1: sense of closure. Yes, you need to go to his
42:07
Speaker 1: mother's memorial celebration and comport yourself or her celebration and
42:12
Speaker 1: however you guys are calling it, so yeah, does she
42:15
Speaker 1: need to go to that? No, she doesn't. He should
42:17
Speaker 1: just be making herself present and putting herself through something. Okay, So, Laura,
42:21
Speaker 1: if you can't handle going to his mother's memorial celebration
42:24
Speaker 1: and going through that and acting like an adult and
42:26
Speaker 1: actually making a new impression, because I think there's a
42:29
Speaker 1: vibe that you people understand you've had a crush on him,
42:33
Speaker 1: and I think he probably understands that you've had a
42:35
Speaker 1: crush on him, And so I wouldn't set yourself up
42:39
Speaker 1: for that unless you're going to put yourself in a
42:40
Speaker 1: situation where you can go there with your head held high.
42:43
Speaker 1: And act in a dignified way and accept that he's
42:46
Speaker 1: married and that you're not in a relationship with him,
42:48
Speaker 1: and then pay your respects to his dead mother. Well, honestly, Laura,
42:51
Speaker 1: don't go to that. You shouldn't go to that. If
42:54
Speaker 1: you want, if you want to send your condolences, send
42:56
Speaker 1: a nice arrangement or a note like making yourself present.
42:59
Speaker 1: It's going to be the stracting and it's just going
43:01
Speaker 1: to be like a cry for attention. So don't do it. Yeah, Laura,
43:04
Speaker 1: you're better than this. This is a childhood crush and
43:06
Speaker 1: those expire for a reason, just like high school ends
43:09
Speaker 1: for a fucking reason, So did childhood crushes. And also,
43:13
Speaker 1: can we please stop trying to hit on someone at
43:15
Speaker 1: a funeral, a parents funeral especially, well really any funeral.
43:19
Speaker 1: I mean, why are people thinking that that's an opportunity
43:22
Speaker 1: to hook up. I remember when my mom died, I
43:26
Speaker 1: walked into my parents bathroom and I was looking through
43:31
Speaker 1: my mom's medication to see if I wanted any of it.
43:34
Speaker 1: I was going to my mom's funeral, and I already
43:36
Speaker 1: thought that was kind of gross that I was doing that.
43:39
Speaker 1: But when I got there, my brother Roy was already
43:42
Speaker 1: in the medicine cabinet doing exactly what I was going
43:44
Speaker 1: to do, and I was like, what did you find?
43:47
Speaker 1: And he had found like a bunch of stuff, and
43:49
Speaker 1: he's like, norko, da da dada this anyway, So I
43:52
Speaker 1: then prescribed, obviously after that what my brother was going
43:55
Speaker 1: to take in what I was going to take, and
43:56
Speaker 1: then told him to get out so that I could
43:58
Speaker 1: take my Norco and peace for my mother's funeral. But
44:02
Speaker 1: I thought that was inappropriate even then, while I was
44:04
Speaker 1: in the situation, I knew that my behavior was inappropriate,
44:07
Speaker 1: but you know, it was a funeral. I'm allowed to
44:10
Speaker 1: do whatever I want to do, really when my mother dies,
44:12
Speaker 1: and this seems much more inappropriate. Hitting on someone at
44:18
Speaker 1: a funeral is such a bad move if you think
44:23
Speaker 1: it's okay to do that, because it's not. It's disrespectful
44:27
Speaker 1: to the people that have lost someone. Even if it
44:30
Speaker 1: wasn't the right time and someone was at a funeral
44:32
Speaker 1: and somebody kind of mad. Even if I thought, oh,
44:34
Speaker 1: that he's cute, but not now, if he did that,
44:36
Speaker 1: he would no longer be cute. Like what's cute about
44:39
Speaker 1: a man is a man who knows that that's inappropriate.
44:43
Speaker 1: I hate having to explain this ship all the time,
44:46
Speaker 1: you know, and then I come out like I'm the
44:47
Speaker 1: bad guy that I hate. Man, It's like, no, actually,
44:49
Speaker 1: I'm trying to help you. If you would listen. Problem solved, Laura,
44:54
Speaker 1: get a new problem actually, and I mean poor thing
44:59
Speaker 1: people struggling with child I mean, here's let me see
45:01
Speaker 1: this picture she sent. She said love to Burton Bernie.
45:05
Speaker 1: Anyone who's writing to Burton Bernice, Just so you know,
45:07
Speaker 1: Burt is with a b E r T, and then
45:09
Speaker 1: Bernie is b E r N. I c e this
45:13
Speaker 1: and you guys are also a boer and three years
45:15
Speaker 1: old in this picture. Who knows like they're not? This
45:18
Speaker 1: is a childhood photo. Okay, I don't know what to
45:22
Speaker 1: say to her. I think we've said it all. Move on, Laura, Okay,
45:26
Speaker 1: let's let's let's also move on. Well we are that
45:29
Speaker 1: was the last submission for the day. Okay, well then
45:31
Speaker 1: let's move on to Margarita's were wrapped up. You've worked
45:34
Speaker 1: to you? Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, thanks for listening,
45:38
Speaker 1: you guys. We'll be back next week. Good bye. Also,
45:41
Speaker 1: I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale.
45:44
Speaker 1: We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to
45:46
Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets
45:49
Speaker 1: a ticket Master and tickets are available and I can't
45:52
Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and horny, so make sure
45:56
Speaker 1: that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nous and
46:00
Speaker 1: then keep them to yourself. Please. If you want any
46:03
Speaker 1: assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you
46:08
Speaker 1: can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.
46:11
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.