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23 | Monopoly: It Starts with a Dream · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, I want to ask you a question.
• 0:02
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:04
  Matt: When you're home by yourself, imagine imagine if you will, you're home alone.
• 0:08
  Matt: Okay?
• 0:09
  Matt: You with me?
• 0:11
  Matt: Do you talk to yourself when no one is home?
• 0:17
  Eric: All the fucking time.
• 0:18
  Matt: Thank God.
• 0:20
  Matt: So our previous guest from the last episode, Lindsay Barbar, who happens to be uh my wife, she has told me on multiple occasions, and I really wish I brought this up on the episode with her.
• 0:32
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:33
  Eric: Oh, so this is kind of the follow-up where we where we talk shit about Lindsay.
• 0:36
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 0:36
  Matt: Right at the top of the next episode.
• 0:38
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 0:39
  Matt: The uh so she says that when she's home alone, when I'm not here, yeah, she doesn't like utter a word until I come back.
• 0:48
  Matt: That's horrifying.
• 0:49
  Matt: She's just in here by isn't that crazy to you?
• 0:53
  Matt: When I am alone, not even when I'm alone, when Lindsay's in this house, I am constantly talking to myself.
• 0:59
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:00
  Eric: Like and and I I don't know what shape your talking to yourself takes.
• 1:03
  Eric: Mine is I am inventing characters just out of thin fucking air, or I'm quoting things to myself.
• 1:10
  Matt: Oh, I'll definitely quote things to you to myself.
• 1:13
  Matt: Speak more about this inventing characters.
• 1:16
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:16
  Eric: So 90% uh I for those of you who aren't aware, I I am an avid player of Dungeons and Dragons.
• 1:25
  Matt: Oh, okay, yes, sure.
• 1:27
  Eric: And uh uh I have a campaign going on right now.
• 1:31
  Eric: It's actually like we're almost at the two-year mark.
• 1:34
  Eric: I've been playing this game with the same group for two years.
• 1:36
  Eric: It's the longest I've ever like kept these characters in this campaign going.
• 1:41
  Eric: Uh 90% of of of all of like the plot character shit I develop happens either in the shower or when I'm in my car.
• 1:54
  Eric: And that I feel like that's a whole other topic of itself, just the amount I talk to myself in my car.
• 1:59
  Matt: Yeah, give us your car questions.
• 2:01
  Eric: Oh, but yeah, it'll be like 2 a.m.
• 2:04
  Eric: and I'll be like going upstairs to go to bed.
• 2:06
  Eric: And as I like, as I'm going upstairs, like I'm dropping into like the old like weary wizard voice, and I'll just be like, Many times have I walked these holes.
• 2:17
  Matt: I think beyond D D, I think that's a very actor-y thing to do.
• 2:22
  Matt: Like I do that all the time.
• 2:24
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:25
  Matt: Or especially with quotes or like uh, you know, a character or something.
• 2:30
  Matt: If like I just saw a great movie or something, I will frequently like do like uh embody the characters and like see how I how I like to see how they got to their interpretation.
• 2:44
  Matt: Like I like basically do an impression of the you know, whoever, you know, like uh pick something, like watch Die Hard and take Alan Rickman's delivery of stuff and be like mimic that and then be like, how do we how do I think try to work backwards in logic trail?
• 3:02
  Eric: Am Hans Gruba?
• 3:06
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, something like that.
• 3:07
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, something along those lines.
• 3:09
  Matt: Yeah, but but also I would then of course just do my interpretation if I was cast as Hugh, this is how I would do it.
• 3:15
  Matt: Like that's a very accurate, actory thing to do.
• 3:18
  Matt: But what I'm talking about more is I will take the form of ooh, the arguments I have won with people in the shower, in in my car for sure.
• 3:29
  Matt: And the second Lindsay leaves the house, like I if I'm stressed about something with with you know, it's uh a coworker or something, like I will have I will full blown have this argument out loud um with them.
• 3:45
  Matt: And man, I am so good, Eric.
• 3:47
  Matt: When it's just me playing.
• 3:49
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 3:51
  Matt: Um in real life though, uh, I don't uh much to my dismay, I d it's not always transferable to real life success.
• 3:58
  Eric: Well, yeah, it's like the conversational equivalent of like in martial arts when you're when you're when your instructor's like, all right, here's how you disarm someone who is trying to stab you in the stomach.
• 4:09
  Eric: So you just make sure you catch their wrists with both of your thumbs and tw like in the magical fantasy land where every single thing lines up perfectly.
• 4:18
  Eric: Right.
• 4:19
  Eric: Time to prepare.
• 4:20
  Eric: Yes.
• 4:20
  Eric: Like it all just they're like, oh yeah, I'm a fucking, I'm I'm a chicken.
• 4:24
  Matt: Yeah, exactly.
• 4:24
  Matt: When it's the ideal scenario and they don't interrupt you or anything monologuing, and they're like two feet shorter than they are in real life.
• 4:35
  Matt: And you it uh are six feet taller than you really are.
• 4:38
  Eric: Yeah, I'm like god god king of the office.
• 4:43
  Matt: Yeah, but I mean the idea, and I don't know how our listeners feel, but the idea that someone would just not have anything.
• 4:52
  Matt: And I I brought this up with an another former guest, Paul Diem, uh, and he says, like, he'll obviously he'll talk to his dogs and things like that, but like he has to have music going or something because I feel very similar to that.
• 5:05
  Matt: If God forbid you leave silence, because if I leave silence, that's when the dread comes.
• 5:14
  Eric: I think we're getting to I think this is we're we're landing on it, and why I think Lindsay doesn't do it, because I feel like something you, me, and Paul have in common is we're just anxiety-riddled adults, and Lindsay is one of the most self-assured human beings I've ever met.
• 5:32
  Matt: Oh, the idea that Lindsay does not have anxiety would be very comical to Lindsay.
• 5:39
  Matt: Oh, I'm sure.
• 5:40
  Matt: Oh, I'm sure.
• 5:42
  Matt: Oh, I know she has but you know what?
• 5:43
  Matt: I like painting the legend uh instead.
• 5:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:48
  Eric: Uh I just want to be as cool as Lindsay when I grow up.
• 5:52
  Matt: Uh don't we all?
• 5:53
  Matt: But if but the I think that's why I do it, but I've done it my whole life before the existential dread of what does my life have, what purpose am I here to accomplish?
• 6:03
  Matt: Before any of that stuff started becoming part of my daily rituals, the you know, as a child, I was talking to myself.
• 6:11
  Matt: So I don't know what that says about us, except that I got a lot of entertaining shit going on up here, man.
• 6:20
  Matt: And I gotta let it out.
• 6:46
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 6:48
  Matt: And this here is episode number 23 of this year podcast.
• 6:55
  Matt: And our first themed episode?
• 7:01
  Matt: Oh, you're repulsed by this already?
• 7:03
  Matt: No, I'm nervous.
• 7:05
  Matt: Yeah, we'll see how this this goes.
• 7:07
  Matt: We have all our questions today have been the result of uh as people who follow us on Instagram specifically, but also on Twitter know, we often we we're putting out prompts.
• 7:20
  Matt: Um not we haven't been as good about it lately, but most of the time it's every day.
• 7:25
  Matt: You know, what are your questions about this?
• 7:27
  Matt: What are your questions about that?
• 7:30
  Matt: And you know, you give us some good material that way.
• 7:33
  Matt: I put out the prompt uh a little while back of what are your questions about Monopoly?
• 7:41
  Matt: And boy, did you all have some thoughts on Monopoly?
• 7:46
  Matt: I was not prepared.
• 7:49
  Matt: And so we've taken the best ones to uh to to bring to you today a deep dive into America's and it seems I've learned in researching some of these questions the world's favorite board game.
• 8:06
  Matt: Or at least the the the game, if not everybody loves, then everybody loves to hate.
• 8:12
  Eric: Oh, Matthew.
• 8:14
  Eric: Well done.
• 8:15
  Matt: Where do you fall in Monopoly?
• 8:18
  Eric: Oh it's Monopoly.
• 8:22
  Matt: So you hate it?
• 8:23
  Eric: I I don't hate okay.
• 8:25
  Eric: Here I have the same relationship with Monopoly that I had with Little League Baseball.
• 8:30
  Eric: Uh oh, I'm gonna get mad.
• 8:32
  Eric: Every time I I open a box Monopoly, I'm like, this is the time.
• 8:36
  Eric: Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna love this.
• 8:38
  Eric: And then like 45 minutes later, um God damn it, why did I do this?
• 8:45
  Eric: Let me ask you this.
• 8:46
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 8:47
  Matt: Is it because you've been crushed by someone who knows how to play?
• 8:51
  Matt: Is it because you have uh falsely given in to the capitalism dream that you too can can come out here and have an even chance to succeed?
• 9:01
  Matt: But in reality, it is the person who has claimed the the primary premium roles in the first go-round, and your future has already been written.
• 9:11
  Eric: Yeah, probably.
• 9:13
  Eric: Alright.
• 9:14
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:14
  Eric: Just have out those lines like it's it's always like, oh man, it's gonna be great.
• 9:18
  Eric: I think it's because of Monopoly, like, it's so snowball-y.
• 9:22
  Eric: Like it is.
• 9:23
  Eric: Once you once once you start losing, buckle up.
• 9:28
  Matt: If you ha I do think, and I'm sure there are Monopoly experts, which I am not, because fucking nobody wants to ever fucking play with me.
• 9:36
  Eric: Can you imagine competitive Monopoly?
• 9:39
  Eric: Yes, I can.
• 9:39
  Matt: I've been researching it.
• 9:40
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 9:43
  Eric: Matt, I say this with love.
• 9:45
  Eric: I cannot imagine how intense it is playing Monopoly with you.
• 9:49
  Eric: And I say this because I've played Risk with you.
• 9:54
  Matt: I like Monopoly and Risk for the same reason.
• 9:58
  Eric: Exactly my point.
• 10:00
  Matt: The the the in both risk and monopoly, and I think this is why people hate it.
• 10:07
  Matt: Because it's not just about and and let me be perfectly clear.
• 10:11
  Matt: When I lose to Risk or Monopoly, it's a it's not a bad time, but like yeah, I'm never I never fear for my safety.
• 10:21
  Eric: I've been in those risk games.
• 10:23
  Eric: No, but the absolute intensity.
• 10:26
  Eric: I Matt, it's like looking at a wearied king that like like I can feel like the burden of rule on your shoulders.
• 10:35
  Matt: That's because risk is a game of war, yeah.
• 10:38
  Matt: All right, and so I don't I will not sit here idly by and have my character as a wartime leader be uh attacked.
• 10:50
  Matt: My troops are my children, and we together from our stronghold in Australia.
• 10:57
  Eric: Australia! Dear God, the fucking the yes, the iron cradle, the fucking.
• 11:05
  Matt: Anyone who says that Australia is not an advantage is a fool.
• 11:10
  Eric: Yeah, a fucking moron.
• 11:12
  Matt: This man you can you can win risk without Australia, uh, but it it is significantly easier, unless you're an idiot, to have Australia and lose.
• 11:23
  Matt: Because a very effective strategy is just sitting in Australia, building up your troops for a long, long time and then deploying them while everybody else has been killing each other.
• 11:32
  Matt: Yep.
• 11:32
  Matt: Anyway, we're not talking about risk, we're talking about monopoly.
• 11:35
  Matt: But the reason I like the two is because they are both not just about winning, but about decimating, just crushing, totally eliminating from the board your competition in the most ruthless way.
• 11:50
  Matt: But where risk, where risk is about war, monopoly is just about capitalism.
• 11:56
  Matt: Yep.
• 11:57
  Matt: It is, it was made.
• 11:59
  Matt: Did you know that it was made as like a warning against capitalism?
• 12:03
  Eric: Yes.
• 12:04
  Matt: I also did you know yet it has taken on the opposite meaning.
• 12:07
  Eric: Yeah, because it's so sad, like the whole point of it is like, hey, isn't it bad when someone gets monopoly and like you you it just snowballs out of control and you your your financial uh autonomy is an illusion at best?
• 12:22
  Matt: But let me let me ask you this question, Eric.
• 12:25
  Matt: Is it not the gl because I you I assume, I am assuming that you have won Games of Monopoly.
• 12:32
  Eric: I have I have one I've been known to win a game of Monopoly.
• 12:34
  Matt: All right, so let me ask you this.
• 12:36
  Matt: Let me put let me paint a word picture for you and our audience.
• 12:39
  Eric: Yeah.
• 12:40
  Matt: You see someone roll, okay?
• 12:44
  Matt: They're rolling, and before they even put it together, they roll a four or whatever it is, and you let your eyes wander, and their role puts them squarely on your boardwalk hotel.
• 13:00
  Matt: Is there not is there not any better feeling in the world while they slowly put their pieces one click, click, click, and you just sit there waiting for them to come to the bank.
• 13:15
  Eric: And they even do that thing where like they kind of stop halfway there, they they realize it, and they're like, wait, no, maybe I miscounted.
• 13:21
  Matt: And they're like, they start doing the they're like Surely not.
• 13:25
  Matt: Surely not.
• 13:25
  Matt: This will not put me on boardwalk when I only have$300 to my name.
• 13:32
  Matt: Okay, so speaking of which, yeah, should we should we get into some real questions here?
• 13:37
  Eric: Let's let's get into this.
• 13:38
  Matt: We are talking about Monopoly.
• 13:40
  Matt: Yep.
• 13:41
  Matt: The uh the game everyone loves to hate, as I said.
• 13:44
  Matt: Our first question came from always a cookie on Instagram.
• 13:48
  Eric: Good friend Andy Rowlings from across the world.
• 13:50
  Matt: Our good friend Andy Rawlings.
• 13:51
  Matt: He asks, what or where is go in life?
• 14:00
  Eric: So I me personally, I've always looked at it as like it's tax return time, baby.
• 14:10
  Eric: It's the end, it's the end of the fiscal year.
• 14:14
  Matt: Tax return time specifically.
• 14:16
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:17
  Eric: Did my taxes got my returns.
• 14:18
  Matt: Got my you're you're coming at it from the the truly from the the perspective of collecting$200.
• 14:26
  Eric: Getting getting that kind of, you know, I'm getting$200 of my own money back.
• 14:32
  Eric: Like I'm sitting here like, oh I I won money.
• 14:34
  Eric: But then when I think about it, I'm like, I've been dumping so much money into this, that's my money.
• 14:40
  Matt: Think about the money you lost.
• 14:42
  Eric: I'm I'm yeah, I'm being told to be grateful for getting my own money.
• 14:46
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 14:47
  Matt: Uh it is it is a a fun concept taxes in general, isn't it?
• 14:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 14:52
  Matt: But I what I what I like about it is you do get this 200 because you don't always, you don't always get a refund every year.
• 15:00
  Matt: No.
• 15:00
  Matt: But every time you come around the board, you can count on you can't count on much in Monopoly.
• 15:05
  Matt: You can't count on where you're gonna land, you're not can't count on where other people are gonna land, you can't count on what comes out of community chan chest or chance, but you can count on$200 every time you pass go.
• 15:18
  Eric: Yep, just just enough.
• 15:20
  Eric: And the fucked up thing is$200 is like such a good amount because it's usually just enough.
• 15:25
  Eric: If you're like if you're like on the brink of total financial ruin, it can often be just enough to keep you alive.
• 15:34
  Matt: Yes, it it and if you're in a position where you have uh mortgaged your properties, you have uh you you know you have these everything's flipped around, all your cards are backwards.
• 15:47
  Matt: $200, if nothing else, it it it'll keep you alive until you hit your opponent's stronghold on the back half of the board.
• 16:00
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:03
  Eric: So I don't I we we kind of touched on your Monopoly persona, the the the the warlord of Monopoly.
• 16:10
  Matt: But I I don't sit, but I truthfully I don't sit there and like ha ha ha, yes, no, no, let's do I don't play that way.
• 16:18
  Matt: No, I don't do it the way I play clue, where I usually become professor plum.
• 16:23
  Matt: Yeah, uh, I do not I don't normally do that.
• 16:26
  Matt: But I do get randy for financial ruin of others.
• 16:32
  Eric: See, I I approach it from the different when I am when I am in a damn secure position, that's when I become a benevolent one.
• 16:42
  Eric: Oh fuck you.
• 16:43
  Eric: No, you don't.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you you're making your charitable donations, do you?
• 16:48
  Eric: No, no, please.
• 16:49
  Eric: Let us you take free pocket.
• 16:52
  Eric: No, I oh my god, I'll be like, please, this does not have to be your ruin.
• 16:57
  Eric: We can work something out.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps perhaps a loan of yes.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Shall we say ten dollars a turn?
• 17:08
  Eric: Oh, I am that is one of my favorite aspects of Monopoly is just all of the outside of the rule, like just the wheeling and dealing.
• 17:18
  Matt: Let's talk about that because when you sit down with a group of people, you need the first thing you need to establish, and I think this is where a lot of Monopoly games go wrong.
• 17:27
  Matt: You need to establish what rules we're playing with.
• 17:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Matt: Because everybody knows the basic rules, more or less.
• 17:34
  Matt: I'm sure the rule book goes on for days.
• 17:36
  Matt: I haven't looked at it in a long time, but everybody knows the general concept.
• 17:39
  Matt: It's very simple.
• 17:40
  Matt: You land on things, you buy them, you pay other people.
• 17:42
  Matt: Yep.
• 17:43
  Matt: But there are the house rules.
• 17:45
  Matt: For example, I think the most universal one free parking putting is the it surrounds free parking.
• 17:52
  Eric: Yep.
• 17:52
  Matt: A lot of people put in their taxes and their, you know, their income tax, all these various uh chance and community chest penalties go into the center pot.
• 18:04
  Eric: Yep.
• 18:04
  Matt: I don't know if you play that way.
• 18:06
  Eric: No, that's that's how I've always played it.
• 18:07
  Eric: And it's also like the number one contributor to games dragging on for like four or five hours.
• 18:13
  Eric: Yes, because that's not a rule.
• 18:14
  Eric: No, it's not a thing.
• 18:15
  Eric: It's never been a thing.
• 18:17
  Matt: It's never been a thing.
• 18:18
  Matt: Free parking is just a fucking safe space.
• 18:20
  Eric: Empty space.
• 18:20
  Eric: They Milton and Bradley ran out of fucking ideas.
• 18:24
  Matt: No, I don't think they did.
• 18:26
  Matt: I think they wanted a safe haven.
• 18:28
  Eric: They just wanted like, look, this is the one spot you don't have to do shit.
• 18:33
  Eric: Nobody owes you anything.
• 18:35
  Eric: You don't owe anybody nothing.
• 18:36
  Matt: Well, the the the the other place with that is jail if you're just visiting.
• 18:40
  Matt: Just visiting.
• 18:41
  Matt: Now, so just so everybody uh maybe there are maybe there are people who listen to this show who are not familiar with Monopoly.
• 18:48
  Matt: Uh uh free parking and um uh jail are corner spots where nothing happens.
• 18:56
  Matt: Uh the other corner spots are go and go to jail.
• 18:59
  Matt: Yep.
• 19:00
  Matt: Go to jail being bad, go being very good.
• 19:03
  Matt: Not only is it a free space, but you get 200 bucks.
• 19:06
  Matt: So so that's where free parking is located.
• 19:09
  Matt: Uh and in case I mean it is a semi-complicated game to do a brief overview of.
• 19:15
  Eric: So I mean, if they don't know how Monopoly, like this episode, like I think this is the one time where we could be.
• 19:21
  Eric: If you don't know how to play Monopoly, just skip this one.
• 19:24
  Matt: No, no, no, don't skip this one, just pause.
• 19:28
  Matt: Look, go pause, Wikipedia it, and come back to us.
• 19:32
  Matt: Go watch a let's play of Monopoly.
• 19:34
  Eric: There are a lot of those.
• 19:36
  Matt: Yeah, just go watch some YouTube video for five seconds and then come back to us.
• 19:41
  Matt: And then you probably should go get a friend because it just seems improbable that you reach this stage of your life without playing a version of Monopoly.
• 19:52
  Matt: And we will get to the version.
• 19:54
  Eric: And how do you know if you've had friends if you haven't lost one over a game of Monopoly?
• 19:59
  Matt: Uh, I don't mind saying this uh because it's a universal no, I haven't I haven't, but uh this is a universal truth of my family, and um I I don't know if if he ever listens to this, whether or not he'll be offended.
• 20:13
  Matt: But you know what?
• 20:14
  Matt: He's made his bid.
• 20:15
  Matt: Uh Eric.
• 20:16
  Eric: Yeah, I knew I knew Eric Shea was gonna be brought into this.
• 20:20
  Matt: Eric Shea uh would cry if he lost Monopoly growing up.
• 20:24
  Matt: Um there I don't know.
• 20:26
  Matt: Yeah, I don't mind bringing it up uh because it's a fact.
• 20:29
  Matt: Because it be not just cry, but but go into such a state that it became known in my family that if we play Monopoly, uh Eric has to win.
• 20:43
  Matt: It's just easier for everyone if Eric wins.
• 20:46
  Eric: I think this might be the most intense call out we've ever had.
• 20:51
  Matt: I don't mind it.
• 20:52
  Matt: Oh, my brother.
• 20:55
  Matt: No, I mean, uh, Eric, if you're listening to this, um you did this.
• 21:00
  Matt: You did this to yourself and to me.
• 21:03
  Matt: So many games that I've been forced to yield to he wouldn't believe that, of course.
• 21:09
  Eric: Hey, Eric, Eric Poach here, kind of you know, card card carry members council of Eric.
• 21:15
  Eric: Real Eric to Eric, hey man, I just want to let you know.
• 21:18
  Eric: Ain't nothing wrong with crying.
• 21:20
  Eric: You wanna cry?
• 21:22
  Eric: That's fine.
• 21:23
  Eric: That's fine.
• 21:24
  Eric: I'd rather I'd rather him cry than hold it in.
• 21:28
  Eric: I mean, yeah, I'm gonna be.
• 21:36
  Matt: Oh drop of a hat.
• 21:38
  Matt: I am yes, I I am just specifically talking about Monopoly.
• 21:41
  Matt: In terms of which Shea brother cried more, he cannot come close to my title, baby.
• 21:48
  Matt: Not the score.
• 21:49
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 21:50
  Matt: The the number of playground incidents that ended with me in tears in elementary school, oh yeah, surely, uh, surely Eric Shea will not come.
• 22:00
  Matt: My title is the crybaby of the shades.
• 22:05
  Matt: But that was his to this day.
• 22:07
  Matt: But he did he did have a weakness uh where it came from Monomaly.
• 22:10
  Matt: Now that said, Eric is very good at Monopoly.
• 22:14
  Matt: He weeps for his fallen kingdom.
• 22:17
  Matt: He he does, he does.
• 22:19
  Matt: But I think I think that might be where some, if we were to psychoanalyze some of this, I think that's where some of my like pleasure of winning Monopoly comes from because I so frequently did not growing up.
• 22:34
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 22:36
  Matt: So the go of life.
• 22:36
  Eric: The go of life.
• 22:37
  Eric: I know that's what I was like.
• 22:39
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 22:40
  Eric: Hit it.
• 22:41
  Eric: What if the go of life represents time itself?
• 22:46
  Eric: Let me hear you.
• 22:46
  Eric: Let me let me give it and let me give let me let me hit you with this.
• 22:49
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:50
  Eric: So when you first start playing Monopoly, 200 bucks is great.
• 22:56
  Eric: 200 bucks is phenomenal.
• 22:59
  Eric: But it but in the end game.
• 23:01
  Eric: As time goes on, and it and it's regular.
• 23:04
  Eric: Like you just you fucking just hit like if it's Yeah, that first round, it's like a gift.
• 23:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:08
  Matt: And like it's a big amount of money in the beginning of the game.
• 23:12
  Eric: And as time goes on, it's diminishing returns.
• 23:15
  Eric: Like that same thing just doesn't give you the same value, much in the same way as we march through life as each birthday passes us by.
• 23:24
  Eric: Time seems to be going faster.
• 23:26
  Eric: We don't have as much of it.
• 23:27
  Eric: Time doesn't give us as much as we thought it once did.
• 23:31
  Matt: I like this.
• 23:32
  Matt: It's the birth.
• 23:32
  Matt: Are you suggesting that it is a birthday?
• 23:34
  Matt: Because with birthdays, if you were to summarize the gift value, right?
• 23:40
  Matt: If you as a two-year-old, or no, you need to be old enough to have real parties, like five-year-old, let's say.
• 23:46
  Matt: You're having a five-year-old at the the play, the the Chuck E.
• 23:50
  Matt: Cheese.
• 23:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Matt: At like Charlie Entertainment Cheeses establishment.
• 23:54
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:55
  Matt: You you are having your party with those mice.
• 23:59
  Matt: $200 worth of gifts is like you are a millionaire.
• 24:04
  Matt: Yeah, you are a king.
• 24:06
  Matt: You are a king.
• 24:07
  Matt: $200 as a 31-year-old man, however, is like a little bit of I mean, okay, thanks.
• 24:15
  Eric: Yeah, I piss that away in gas.
• 24:18
  Matt: Yeah, but yeah, you've paid for my commute for the next couple of weeks.
• 24:22
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:23
  Matt: Uh thank you.
• 24:24
  unknown: Yeah.
• 24:24
  Matt: But uh, but but it's true.
• 24:26
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 24:27
  Matt: It depreciates.
• 24:28
  Matt: Uh so I like that.
• 24:29
  Matt: I like go being the birthday.
• 24:31
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:31
  Eric: Because also, like added layer, when you go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect$200.
• 24:39
  Eric: That is that is the prison system.
• 24:41
  Eric: We are stealing what little time you have from you.
• 24:45
  Eric: You don't get that.
• 24:46
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 24:46
  Eric: You just rot.
• 24:47
  Eric: But oh, those debts are accruing.
• 24:50
  Eric: Yes.
• 24:51
  Eric: Yep.
• 24:52
  Matt: And and I I think it does say something about our society.
• 24:58
  Matt: Universally, and and from you know, the beginning of time here, it seems, that you can go to jail just by landing in the wrong spot, just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
• 25:07
  Eric: Wrong place, wrong time.
• 25:08
  Eric: Weren't doing shit.
• 25:09
  Eric: Just hey man, had yep.
• 25:11
  Matt: In Monopoly in life, too many people in prison.
• 25:14
  Matt: Too many people in prison.
• 25:17
  Matt: Now, we'll leave that to another podcast for the time being.
• 25:20
  Matt: In the meantime, Abby Boone13 on Instagram brings us the question of why do we still play Monopoly?
• 25:30
  Matt: Why, in all caps, the second why.
• 25:33
  Matt: So why, Eric?
• 25:34
  Matt: Why do we still play Monopoly?
• 25:37
  Eric: For the same reason I don't like Monopoly.
• 25:40
  Eric: The illusion of control.
• 25:44
  Eric: Like, you know what?
• 25:46
  Eric: God damn it.
• 25:47
  Eric: I don't I don't know if I'm gonna be able to pay all the bills this month, but I can sure as shit be own land in Monopoly.
• 25:55
  Eric: I can I can own a railroad.
• 25:58
  Eric: I can, oh, oh, I just get money.
• 26:02
  Eric: Everything's simple.
• 26:03
  Eric: Everything like has like there's no hidden fees.
• 26:06
  Eric: There's just Eric, yeah.
• 26:09
  Matt: To your point about some of about the money and some of these things, I took the liberty of also looking up some Monopoly fat fun facts.
• 26:19
  Matt: Oh and some records and such.
• 26:22
  Matt: And I found out, are you ready for this?
• 26:26
  Matt: This is under this comes from the Monopoly wiki.
• 26:29
  Eric: Oh fuck, of course there would be one.
• 26:32
  Matt: Yes, and there is a lot of fun facts that I found just from just from sitting and looking at this Monopoly wiki for for several minutes.
• 26:43
  Matt: There is, and they do not have any sources for this, but it claims that there are that there is more monopoly money printed every year than actual currency.
• 26:59
  Matt: And I don't necessarily think that's untrue if you're talking about new m you're talking about new bills.
• 27:06
  Eric: Yeah, well, because the mint can only make so much a year.
• 27:10
  Eric: Like we're not constantly, they're constantly manufacturing monopoly.
• 27:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 27:16
  Matt: Yeah, I was gonna say the mint can only make so much money, but Milton Bradley on the other hand.
• 27:21
  Eric: Milton Bradley.
• 27:22
  Matt: Is it Milton Bradley or Parker Brothers?
• 27:25
  Eric: What a good question.
• 27:26
  Matt: We probably should have found that out sometime before.
• 27:30
  Matt: Hold on, I've got it right up here.
• 27:32
  Matt: Oh, it's Hasbro.
• 27:34
  Eric: Oh no, that I think that has to have changed.
• 27:36
  Eric: Is Milton did it has changed hands?
• 27:39
  Eric: Probably, I think, bought Milton Bradley, but let's uh Oh, it's from Parker Brothers.
• 27:44
  Matt: It says so the the original tagline is property trading game from Parker Brothers.
• 27:49
  Matt: Got it.
• 27:50
  Matt: But it does my my edition's from Hasbro, but it's so Hasbro must have uh taken over at some point, I guess.
• 27:56
  Eric: Um which we can say oh Hasbro.
• 27:59
  Eric: Hasbro is the Disney of board games.
• 28:02
  Matt: They're the monopoly of Monopoly.
• 28:03
  Eric: Yeah, they really are.
• 28:05
  Matt: Alright, I've I've done some some uh I just found it.
• 28:08
  Matt: Parker Brothers, of course, this is from Wikipedia, was an American toy and game manufacturer, which in 1991 became a brand of Hasbro.
• 28:18
  Matt: So Hasbro took it over, but they of course uh are uh some of their best products were Monopoly, Clue, and Cluedo.
• 28:28
  Matt: Sorry, risk, trivial pursuit, Ouija, uh aggravation, Bop It and Probe.
• 28:34
  Matt: What the fuck is aggravation?
• 28:36
  unknown: Aggravation.
• 28:38
  Matt: Anyway, that's a different topic in a different podcast.
• 28:40
  Matt: But w to get back to why we still play Monopoly, uh I think, yes, I think you are right.
• 28:48
  Matt: Like there is some sort of um like the illusion, you know, the dream at the beginning.
• 28:56
  Matt: Yep.
• 28:56
  Matt: Because when you begin a game, it seems like anything's possible.
• 29:00
  Matt: It seems like anything's possible.
• 29:01
  Matt: But I like I said, those early moves, if you if somebody gets a good advantage early on, it's hard to overcome.
• 29:11
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 29:12
  Eric: It's so it's so that is like life.
• 29:15
  Matt: Yeah, you know, you know, uh somebody who who who has been born with a silver spoon up their ass has the uh has the advantage.
• 29:27
  Eric: I would also say we play it because it's like it's a it's it's just a it is like the classic, you know, the fam is all home.
• 29:37
  Eric: It's Thursday night.
• 29:40
  Eric: We need we need to do family time something.
• 29:44
  Eric: Yes.
• 29:44
  Eric: Monopoly is the best default.
• 29:46
  Eric: Like, if nothing else, we can play Monopoly.
• 29:50
  Eric: I will say this.
• 29:51
  Eric: Nothing like like you, you know, it's safe.
• 29:55
  Eric: Like you can play Monopoly, you know what it is, everyone knows how to play, everyone knows everyone's temperaments, everyone knows how this is gonna go.
• 30:02
  Eric: I can say this.
• 30:03
  Eric: Nothing on earth would stress me out more than playing Monopoly with people I had just met that day.
• 30:12
  Matt: Oh, that's fascinating.
• 30:14
  Matt: And I have a I have a fun fact for you to uh to that goes along with that.
• 30:19
  Matt: Um in the Guinness book of World Records, the mo the record, the world record for most people playing Monopoly at a single venue, they needed to separate it because the online version has a much bigger number.
• 30:34
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 30:36
  Matt: 733 people from Rustic Cuff, which is a a Facebook group.
• 30:45
  Matt: Okay.
• 30:46
  Matt: Uh participants played in uh the officially licensed Rustic Cuff edition of Monopoly, which properties designated as different jewelry pieces.
• 30:57
  Matt: Um and there is a picture with it we can put on uh Instagram here of these people in like what looks to be some big like conference hall or ballroom, and there are people with like go and just visiting jail on their back.
• 31:12
  Matt: Um it's it's wild, but like I I I'm not even sure really how that would work here.
• 31:18
  Matt: I'll send this, I'll send this over to you.
• 31:20
  Matt: The there are, but like, can you imagine like it could be quite fun, I think, actually, if you were to like map out a board in like a gym or something, and like you have to go visit people that really extends the time.
• 31:39
  Eric: Oh, there are people cosplaying as pieces of the board.
• 31:42
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 31:43
  Matt: I love it.
• 31:45
  Matt: Now, also according to Monopoly Wiki, I think this is interesting.
• 31:49
  Matt: The longest game ever played is recorded here.
• 31:51
  Matt: Again, it has no sources, so I can't give you the story.
• 31:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:54
  Matt: Would you like to take a guess, Eric?
• 31:56
  Eric: I'm gonna say longest game ever recorded, they had to be playing with some janky ass house rules.
• 32:02
  Eric: Um I'm gonna say nine and a half hours.
• 32:09
  Matt: That is your guess.
• 32:11
  Eric: Nine and a half hours.
• 32:14
  Matt: I'm gonna give you one more chance.
• 32:17
  Matt: You really think you really think a single digit number of hours is the record.
• 32:24
  Eric: Oh fuck.
• 32:25
  Eric: Um I'm gonna give you a bonus shot at that.
• 32:28
  Eric: Alright.
• 32:28
  Eric: I'll say 14 hours.
• 32:31
  Matt: 14 hours.
• 32:32
  Matt: Okay.
• 32:33
  Matt: You actually you are close.
• 32:35
  Matt: Uh the answer, however, was 1,680 hours or 70 days.
• 32:42
  Matt: Fuck.
• 32:43
  Matt: According to What?
• 32:45
  Matt: So see, now now, something closer, however, has there are other records.
• 32:52
  Matt: Longest game upside down was 36 hours.
• 32:55
  Matt: Longest game in a bathtub is 99 hours.
• 32:58
  Matt: I don't know how that's possible.
• 33:00
  Matt: You'd pr you'd turn into a fish.
• 33:02
  Matt: What the longest game underground, don't know what that means, 100 hours.
• 33:06
  Matt: That's for the cicadas.
• 33:08
  Matt: The cicadas playing Monopoly.
• 33:10
  Matt: That's what they're doing under the air.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Do not collect 200 egg sacs.
• 33:18
  Matt: And then the longest game of Monopoly, of course, in a tree house, 286 hours.
• 33:22
  Eric: Oh, obviously.
• 33:23
  Matt: No source.
• 33:24
  Matt: Again, again, no sources.
• 33:25
  Eric: So no sources for these claims.
• 33:28
  Matt: So who knows about these claims?
• 33:31
  Matt: God, um I wonder I think there, but I to get back to the question we're supposed to be answering.
• 33:37
  Matt: I think you have tapped onto it.
• 33:39
  Matt: I think there is a mi like it does mimic life.
• 33:42
  Matt: This art of a board game mimics life, and I think it does start with a dream.
• 33:48
  Matt: That that this you know, it does start with a dream of the success you could have.
• 33:53
  Matt: Now we hear.
• 33:55
  Matt: And then, but like, and there is nothing more satisfying, or perhaps there's not the I think the biggest moment in the game, the the most consequential moment, is when the first person goes out.
• 34:10
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 34:11
  Eric: It's like the first person being voted off survivor.
• 34:14
  Matt: And it is not, I have to say, it is not that.
• 34:18
  Matt: Uh, as a survival survivor expert, the first vote is a is sometimes a giveaway.
• 34:24
  Matt: No, like emotionally for that person, like it is.
• 34:27
  Matt: Oh yeah, no one wants to be the first person.
• 34:29
  Eric: Nobody wants to be the first thing.
• 34:30
  Eric: There's like the sense of relief while they're like, oh, it wasn't me.
• 34:33
  Matt: And then I feel the same way in risk because when you're the f if you're playing a standard game with like four people in risk or Monopoly, yeah, no one wants to be the first of the four to go out.
• 34:44
  Matt: And that's because you can always say, at least I made it.
• 34:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:48
  Eric: Well, there's also like the whole thing, especially with Monopoly and Risk, they're like, well, guess I'm alone for the next fucking five hours.
• 34:56
  Matt: That's the part of Monopoly that I think maybe people hate because then you are just sitting there.
• 35:01
  Matt: So when I was you need to have a non-player at the party that the that people can go hang out with.
• 35:08
  Matt: To use your survivor uh analogy, this is Ponderosa Island, which um for for you non-survivors, that's where contestants, specifically after you make the merge, uh, go to live when you are voted off the island.
• 35:21
  Matt: You are still in seclusion, but you are going to a private estate in Ponderosa.
• 35:29
  Eric: Side note, do you know when I my play when I because uh when I play Monopoly, I'll tell you this.
• 35:36
  Eric: I've won Monopoly, I'm not very good at it.
• 35:38
  Eric: I just don't have the attention span for it.
• 35:40
  Eric: Um I like I big pick I know like that you could just with love said with love.
• 35:45
  Eric: That needs to be just my business card.
• 35:47
  Eric: I don't have the attention span for it.
• 35:49
  Matt: Um nice to meet you.
• 35:51
  Matt: I will forget you.
• 35:52
  Eric: My my play, when I because I was usually the first one out.
• 35:56
  Eric: So what I started doing was when I would get taken out, then I would become the vizier.
• 36:05
  Eric: I would I would start playing fucking Kingmaker.
• 36:08
  Eric: I would like pick someone, like whoever, whoever fucking took me out, I would start like from the sidelines going like, oh well, you know, if you did do this, you could position yourself too.
• 36:19
  Eric: Like I would just start fucking pulling the strings.
• 36:23
  Eric: I'm like, yes, you if you strike me down, I will plot your fucking demise.
• 36:30
  Eric: You become that guy.
• 36:31
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 36:32
  Eric: I will I will never break the rule, like I'll never give people like I'm not gonna be over here like fucking selling confidential information or shit like that or cheating, but I'll be like, oh well, if I were in your position, you know.
• 36:45
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:46
  Eric: Which which brings me to yet another side tangent.
• 36:50
  Eric: This kind of goes back to like the world record stuff.
• 36:52
  Eric: Yes.
• 36:53
  Eric: What do you think the highest the stakes have ever been for a game of Monopoly?
• 37:01
  Matt: Oh, I think I have the answer to that.
• 37:03
  Matt: Do you have the answer?
• 37:04
  Matt: Because in because we have a question down the line about versions, uh, and I think this comes into play because there are several versions, several real life you can go buy versions that involve actual currency.
• 37:20
  Eric: Okay, that was like I rich kids had to have played Monopoly with real money.
• 37:25
  Matt: Yes, we will get into that because there are some very expensive versions that we should talk to.
• 37:30
  Matt: So do we feel we answered why do we still employ Monopoly?
• 37:33
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 37:34
  Matt: I feel we do.
• 37:35
  Matt: Uh now this this we've already sort of touched on.
• 37:39
  Matt: Um, this comes from Alex Kafarakis.
• 37:42
  Matt: Another good friend of the pod.
• 37:44
  Matt: Yes, another good friend of the pod from Instagram.
• 37:46
  Matt: Do you play games all the way through?
• 37:50
  Matt: Yes.
• 37:51
  Matt: Uh I don't I have I I'm sure that there have been games that got abandoned in my lifetime, but I don't remember them.
• 37:58
  Eric: I have only I have only not finished one game of Monopoly, Matthew.
• 38:04
  Matt: I don't always play them consecutively.
• 38:06
  Matt: Um I'd say it's almost very difficult to finish a game in Monopoly if you're starting after 7 p.m.
• 38:13
  Eric: That's fair.
• 38:14
  Eric: But I my family, we were usually like, we're gonna play, we're gonna play this motherfucker through.
• 38:18
  Eric: And I respect that.
• 38:19
  Eric: And there but there's only one game that me and my family have ever had to we the game was like and stopped.
• 38:27
  Eric: It was a stoppage was called.
• 38:30
  Eric: Um and that before I go into this, I'm gonna need to know is is this a safe space?
• 38:36
  Matt: Eric, this is the safest of spaces.
• 38:39
  Eric: And I know that.
• 38:40
  Eric: I just needed our listeners to hear that so they could get into the proper mindset of not judging.
• 38:45
  Matt: This is a this is a judgment free zone.
• 38:48
  Matt: I mean, I actually I don't know that I can say that because I feel like this would be a great moment to to put in a cut of me judging things over the first 22 episodes.
• 38:58
  Matt: Uh but this but in this case, this is a judgment free zone.
• 39:01
  Eric: This is a judgment free zone.
• 39:02
  Eric: The only game of Monopoly that ever had to be stopped that I played um premature landed was the game where I was 10 years old, nine or ten, and I got caught.
• 39:16
  Matt: You were like what, five, eight by that point?
• 39:19
  Eric: Uh I was nine or ten years old.
• 39:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 39:22
  Eric: I was caught cheating.
• 39:26
  Eric: And here's the fucked up thing.
• 39:28
  Eric: Here's the thing.
• 39:29
  Eric: I I will think about that.
• 39:31
  Eric: This is my laying awake at 2 a.m.
• 39:34
  Eric: I will think about this and still feel guilty about it to this day.
• 39:37
  Eric: Oh my.
• 39:38
  Eric: Um, because uh I was caught cheating by the people I was playing against, and the people I was playing against were my grandparents.
• 39:48
  Matt: Oh, Eric.
• 39:50
  Matt: Oh, I know.
• 39:51
  Matt: Eric.
• 39:52
  Matt: Oh, I know.
• 39:53
  Matt: Cheating against Eric Shea is one thing.
• 39:55
  Matt: Cheating against your grandparents.
• 39:57
  Eric: And and I'll tell you this, my my my fucking grandma.
• 40:00
  Eric: My grandma and grandpa, like this was like they did that, they handled this shit so perfectly.
• 40:05
  Eric: Wait a minute.
• 40:05
  Eric: What did you do?
• 40:06
  Eric: What was the cheating?
• 40:07
  Eric: Oh, I was I was because everybody cheats a monopoly.
• 40:10
  Matt: Cheating is part of the game.
• 40:11
  Eric: I think I if I remember correctly, I was taking money out, like I was trying to slip bills out of the bank and kind of like slip.
• 40:16
  Eric: Were you the banker?
• 40:19
  Matt: Were you stealing from the bank as the banker?
• 40:22
  Matt: Probably.
• 40:22
  Eric: Probably.
• 40:24
  Matt: Um, oh I know.
• 40:25
  Matt: Oh, I know.
• 40:26
  Matt: I know I said it'd be a judgment-free zone, but my God.
• 40:30
  Eric: No, like I judge me for this.
• 40:31
  Eric: But like my grandparents handled it so perfectly.
• 40:33
  Eric: You need some judgment.
• 40:35
  Eric: They didn't, they didn't yell at me.
• 40:37
  Eric: They didn't do anything.
• 40:38
  Eric: We they were like, they're like, all right, Eric, you cheated.
• 40:43
  Eric: The game is stopping.
• 40:44
  Eric: They're like, we cannot, we like, we don't play with cheaters.
• 40:48
  Eric: They're like, we, they're like, we're gonna, we're gonna, they're like, we're not, we, we, they're like, we still love you.
• 40:53
  Eric: I at this point, I was already crying, already sobbing.
• 40:55
  Eric: They're like, you know what you did was bad.
• 40:58
  Eric: You and you did it anyway, so we're not gonna play with you.
• 41:01
  Eric: We do not like we're we we play this game.
• 41:04
  Eric: We like they just gave me the straight up.
• 41:06
  Eric: They're like, we play games to have fun and for like to have an actual challenge.
• 41:09
  Eric: And if if you're gonna if you're gonna cheat, we're not gonna play with you.
• 41:12
  Eric: And they did, and they didn't play Monopoly with me for the rest of the like the day, like they were watching me for like that week, and I have never cheated at a fucking board game since.
• 41:21
  Eric: I have never chilled like that fucking, I'm like, all right, I kind of wish they killed at me.
• 41:27
  Matt: Eric, I do you know, I we all make mistakes.
• 41:31
  Matt: Yep.
• 41:32
  Matt: And I think, you know, they chose to take uh and succeeded in teaching you a life lesson that you have clearly internalized.
• 41:41
  Matt: However, that said, everybody cheats at Monopoly.
• 41:46
  Eric: Not this guy!
• 41:48
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 41:48
  Matt: I mean, like, uh, it depends on your level of of uh cheating, uh your definition of cheating, I suppose.
• 41:55
  Matt: But like, at the very least, if if somebody, and this I know this is a hotly debated topic.
• 42:02
  Matt: My brother and I got into a big fight about this once during Game Monop Monopoly.
• 42:06
  Matt: If you if I land on your property and you do not ask me for the rent, and I just keep my mouth shut, yeah, and you realize it three turns later, you are not sorry, that's not my fucking problem.
• 42:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 42:24
  Eric: I just set up an auto pay, but you wouldn't exactly.
• 42:28
  Matt: You know what happens when I don't pay my rent?
• 42:31
  Matt: I get a lovely little email that says, hey, pay your rent.
• 42:35
  Matt: Yep.
• 42:36
  Matt: The landlord, it's the landlord's duty to not forget.
• 42:40
  Eric: That that, okay, that I'll get behind.
• 42:42
  Eric: That that'll be like, hey, it ain't my property.
• 42:45
  Matt: I don't view it as cheating.
• 42:46
  Matt: I just view it as not my property.
• 42:49
  Matt: I just as long as I keep my mouth shut.
• 42:52
  Matt: I don't know.
• 42:52
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 42:53
  Eric: Do you think uh I'm sorry?
• 42:54
  Eric: Do you think if I don't own this railroad?
• 42:57
  Eric: Do you think if I owned this railroad, I'd be fucking walking to it?
• 43:01
  Eric: No.
• 43:02
  Matt: Do you think my name is Rich Uncle Pennybags?
• 43:08
  Matt: Eric, do you know who Rich Uncle Pennybags is?
• 43:11
  Matt: It's the Monopoly guy.
• 43:12
  Matt: It's the Monopoly Man's name.
• 43:15
  Matt: Yeah, oh yeah, Rich Uncle Pennybags.
• 43:17
  Matt: He he I Hasbro did indeed change his name to Mr.
• 43:22
  Matt: Monopoly.
• 43:23
  Matt: They did?
• 43:24
  Matt: Yes, but Canon, his original name is Rich Uncle Pennybags.
• 43:30
  Eric: His first name is just to be clear, his first name is Rich.
• 43:34
  Eric: Middle name Uncle, last name Pennybags.
• 43:37
  Matt: And here's something else that I really like in terms of character names, because I found that there are indeed names for these people.
• 43:45
  Matt: Uh the character the guy in jail.
• 43:47
  Matt: The character locked behind bars is called Jake the jailbird, who was arrested by Officer Edgar Mallory.
• 43:57
  Matt: Okay.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Man.
• 44:00
  Eric: That guy, by the way, that guy face, Jake the Jailbird, his face always like fucking creeped me out as a kid.
• 44:08
  Eric: Like, ugh.
• 44:10
  Matt: Yeah, he does.
• 44:12
  Matt: It is a gaunt face.
• 44:14
  Eric: I'm like, yeah, I'm like, say what you will about the about the prison system and how fucked it is.
• 44:19
  Eric: Jake Jailbird deserves to be there.
• 44:22
  Eric: Not a good man.
• 44:23
  Matt: So why do we play games all the way through, Eric?
• 44:28
  Matt: But I do play them all the way through.
• 44:31
  Matt: And I and I I have I have never been part of the stereotypical joke of someone tossing a board.
• 44:39
  Matt: I have never been in a game tossing game.
• 44:43
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 44:44
  Eric: Yeah, no.
• 44:45
  Eric: We never toss a board.
• 44:45
  Eric: There are times I wish someone fucking would.
• 44:47
  Eric: I'm like, wait, wait, when you can see the inevitable when you but but you're still like 10 rotations out.
• 44:54
  Eric: I know, where we're just fucking circling the drain.
• 44:57
  Eric: I'm like, can we please just can we fast forward this movie?
• 45:02
  Eric: Please just get the firing squads in here.
• 45:06
  Matt: Now that's risk.
• 45:09
  Matt: Firing squads are risk territory.
• 45:11
  Matt: Now uh at Dairy King 11 on Twitter asked, why does Baltic Avenue get such a bad rap?
• 45:19
  Matt: Is it in a bad neighborhood?
• 45:20
  Matt: Is it haunted?
• 45:22
  Matt: Is it a uh cheap investment, or should a player run away?
• 45:28
  Matt: Let's see.
• 45:30
  Matt: Now if yeah, I was just gonna say, do you need a refresher?
• 45:33
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 45:34
  Eric: Uh uh yeah, Baltic Avenue, second space in.
• 45:36
  Eric: It's like the cheapest space, isn't it?
• 45:39
  Matt: Yeah, well, no.
• 45:41
  Matt: It is Baltic and Mediterranean.
• 45:43
  Matt: Technically, it is the third space in because there's a community chest in between its partner, Mediterranean.
• 45:49
  Matt: But it is it is the purple spaces, right?
• 45:52
  Matt: Or brown, sometimes they're brown sometimes.
• 45:54
  Matt: At the very beginning, uh the Baltic and Mediterranean are both sixty dollars, at least on the board I'm looking at.
• 46:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 46:05
  Eric: They're like the they're the least expensive property.
• 46:07
  Matt: They're the least expensive property.
• 46:10
  Matt: However, there isn't, I think, uh statistically, there is an advantage to owning them because they're the most likely spots to get land on, aren't they?
• 46:19
  Matt: They they I don't think it holds the title as the most likely spot to get landed on, but it does uh it it gets landed on quite a bit because you don't land on go very frequently.
• 46:31
  Matt: No, like specifically.
• 46:34
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:35
  Eric: The corner yeah, I I I yeah, so what's the deal with Baltic?
• 46:40
  Eric: I mean I don't know.
• 46:41
  Eric: So so here, just looking at the board, and this is notable.
• 46:45
  Eric: I think it is a small neighborhood.
• 46:47
  Eric: It is a small neighborhood, but like Baltic Avenue and Mediterranean met.
• 46:50
  Eric: What is the space between them?
• 46:52
  Matt: Community chest.
• 46:53
  Eric: Community chest.
• 46:54
  Eric: That suggests to me that it's like it's probably uh like I don't want to say it's a poor neighborhood, but like it's probably like where a lot of low-income housing is.
• 47:07
  Matt: I see.
• 47:07
  Matt: So you do think it is a a a uh a rougher neighborhood than some of the.
• 47:13
  Eric: I don't think that automatically makes it a rougher neighborhood.
• 47:16
  Eric: Um and also, oh man.
• 47:19
  Eric: Um, but hilariously enough, now that I'm looking at this, you notice and hold on, I just want to confirm something here.
• 47:28
  Matt: Confirm away.
• 47:30
  Eric: Oh man.
• 47:32
  Eric: Oh man, if I'm right about this.
• 47:34
  Eric: Okay, I think my theory, my I think my theory here holds water.
• 47:38
  Eric: Okay.
• 47:39
  Eric: Um here's my theory, Matt.
• 47:40
  Eric: If you look around the board, I don't I don't know why I never noticed this my entire life until now.
• 47:45
  Eric: Um for every stretch of properties, yeah, uh there's the the properties on the so if you look at any given line, so right now we're looking at Baltic Avenue, Mediterranean Avenue, and to the left of them is Connecticut Avenue, Vermont Avenue, Oriental Avenue.
• 48:02
  Matt: Neighborhoods, yes.
• 48:03
  Eric: Neighborhoods.
• 48:06
  Matt: There's other spaces in between, is what I'm saying.
• 48:08
  Eric: Yes.
• 48:09
  Eric: But dividing these neighborhoods is always going to be a railroad, and the neighborhood to the left of the railroad is always the more expensive and lucrative.
• 48:19
  Eric: Oh my god, they're redlining.
• 48:21
  Eric: The one to the right is the poorer neighborhood.
• 48:25
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 48:26
  Eric: I just checked this.
• 48:27
  Eric: It's true around the board.
• 48:29
  Eric: The problem.
• 48:32
  Eric: Like right and wrong side of the track shit.
• 48:34
  Eric: And again, it is like artificial.
• 48:37
  Eric: Like, it's not like, oh, Baltic Avenue is a poor neighborhood because like it's just because it is the quality of its people.
• 48:44
  Eric: I'm sure there are wonderful, but like literally, they've got redlined and fucking, and you have to get through, be able to pay income tax to get to fucking Oriental Avenue, Vermont Avenue, and like that neighborhood.
• 48:57
  Eric: Like it is just fuck.
• 49:01
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 49:03
  Matt: Wow.
• 49:03
  Matt: I've never thought about it, but you're right.
• 49:04
  Matt: They uh the railroads are are are dividing the neighborhoods.
• 49:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 49:11
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:13
  Eric: Uh oh god.
• 49:15
  Eric: Sorry.
• 49:16
  Eric: That just blew my mind.
• 49:18
  Matt: Yeah, no, I it's it's it is blowing, it is blowing mine.
• 49:23
  Matt: Uh because it is.
• 49:24
  Matt: It literally is redlining.
• 49:25
  Matt: Yeah, this is uh that I never put that together.
• 49:31
  Matt: The the the the the depravity of the game is going even further as we go.
• 49:36
  Matt: So I think that does I think that does support that uh it is in a horrible neighborhood is the answer to Derrick King's officially heart horrible neighborhood.
• 49:46
  Matt: Yes, they've decided.
• 49:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:50
  Matt: Parker brothers slash Hasbro has decided.
• 49:52
  Eric: The system is stacked, thus, they're like, no, no, this will be the low-income neighborhood no matter what.
• 49:58
  Eric: Like I yeah.
• 49:59
  Matt: Oh now, related, related.
• 50:01
  Matt: Our good friend on Twitter these days, Zach Deuce, has a question that I think is related.
• 50:08
  Matt: Zachy D.
• 50:09
  Matt: Zach Del Zachy D.
• 50:11
  Matt: Zachy D.
• 50:12
  Matt: As I hear he goes by Zachy D.
• 50:14
  Matt: Zachy D.
• 50:15
  Matt: What are the differences in quality, cleanliness, and cost for renting a room by the hour at St.
• 50:21
  Matt: James Place or Atlantic Avenue?
• 50:24
  Eric: Um, so I'm just gonna go by near nearby commodities.
• 50:28
  Eric: Uh St.
• 50:28
  Eric: James Place, you know, you got the you got the Pennsylvania Railroad right there.
• 50:33
  Eric: Uh you got the B and O, the B and O line, like the the train comes to both of these places.
• 50:39
  Eric: Um looks like Atlantic has the waterworks nearby.
• 50:45
  Eric: So like quality they probably got that that nice like spring water kind of going on.
• 50:52
  Matt: The freshest of the water, yeah.
• 50:53
  Eric: The freshest of uh of spring water, but St.
• 50:56
  Eric: James Place free parking right around the corner.
• 50:59
  Matt: Like it they're parking right around the corner, but so the jail is right around the corner as well.
• 51:03
  Matt: Yeah, it's like halfway to jail.
• 51:06
  Eric: It's halfway to jail.
• 51:08
  Eric: It lands.
• 51:08
  Matt: But it is also next, it is a close to a community chest St.
• 51:12
  Matt: James Place.
• 51:13
  Eric: Yeah, which is which is usually community chest usually leans towards good things for you, right?
• 51:19
  Matt: Community chest uh leans towards good things, risk or chance leans towards bad things.
• 51:25
  Eric: Yeah.
• 51:26
  Eric: Okay, and then experience uh a mere four spaces away from Atlantic Avenue, your ass can go to jail.
• 51:35
  Matt: Sure can.
• 51:36
  Matt: But if you're playing with the frequently adopted house rule of free parking gets a pot of money in the middle, St.
• 51:42
  Matt: James Place very close to Atlantic Avenue or to free parking.
• 51:47
  Matt: But I think actually they're actually they're equidistant, I think.
• 51:50
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 51:51
  Matt: St.
• 51:51
  Matt: James is slightly closer.
• 51:52
  Eric: Yeah, St.
• 51:53
  Eric: James Place is closer to much nicer things.
• 51:57
  Matt: But so then why is Atlantic so much more expensive?
• 52:00
  Eric: I know.
• 52:01
  Matt: Um I mean I think I think Atlantic is a bougie neighborhood.
• 52:07
  Matt: Because look at look at the look at its neighbors in the neighborhood.
• 52:10
  Matt: You've got Ventner Avenue and Marvin Gardens.
• 52:14
  Eric: Oh, Marvin Gardens.
• 52:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 52:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 52:16
  Eric: This, oh my god, that's that's just the gentrified to all hell neighborhood.
• 52:21
  Eric: Absolutely it is.
• 52:22
  Eric: 100%.
• 52:23
  Eric: I feel like St.
• 52:23
  Eric: James Place is probably gonna be like, it's like the it's still got its old rustic truck.
• 52:29
  Eric: Like, yeah, I mean, we're not like it's old money.
• 52:32
  Matt: It's old money.
• 52:32
  Matt: Actually, you know what?
• 52:33
  Matt: You know what?
• 52:34
  Matt: Actually, I think I've got I think we got them reversed.
• 52:37
  Matt: I think Ventner, Marvin Gardens, Atlantic, I think that's old money.
• 52:41
  Matt: And New York Avenue, Tennessee, and St.
• 52:43
  Matt: James is the gentrified It's the Hamden of the Monopoly Board.
• 52:48
  unknown: Yeah.
• 52:48
  Matt: Yes, to bring it into Baltimore terms.
• 52:51
  Eric: Sorry, we're but yes, yes, it is.
• 52:54
  Matt: Yes, yeah, it is.
• 52:56
  Matt: Whereas so to go okay, so to go fully with the Baltimore metaphor, Atlantic, Ventner, and Marvin Gardens is the Guilford of the Monopoly City.
• 53:07
  Eric: 100%.
• 53:09
  Matt: Um, so I think those are those are sort of big differences.
• 53:13
  Eric: So like the differences, and but like I feel like it's just I don't know, man.
• 53:17
  Eric: Like you're gonna have a better time in St.
• 53:19
  Eric: James Place, but it's not gonna be as fancy.
• 53:22
  Matt: Um yeah, I think so.
• 53:24
  Matt: I think St.
• 53:24
  Matt: James is the one to be at because the you know, they're not as they're not fucking uptight, you know what I'm saying?
• 53:30
  Eric: No, yeah.
• 53:31
  Eric: It's it's gonna be like you're gonna you're gonna feel underdressed when you're at Atlantic Avenue.
• 53:35
  Matt: St.
• 53:36
  Matt: James Place is the people's place.
• 53:38
  Eric: Yeah.
• 53:38
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 53:39
  Eric: There's a oh, there's a fucking band doing a secret show in the park tonight.
• 53:43
  Matt: Yeah, you got your favorite fucking brewery down the street.
• 53:46
  Matt: Oh, man.
• 53:47
  Matt: Yeah, it's a good time, St.
• 53:49
  Matt: James Place.
• 53:50
  Matt: It's a good time.
• 53:51
  Eric: We're not gonna talk about how St.
• 53:53
  Eric: James Place, you know, had to build itself off the back of St.
• 53:56
  Eric: Charles Place going under, but hey.
• 53:58
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 53:59
  Matt: We w No, that's not what St.
• 54:01
  Matt: James Place would like us to talk about.
• 54:02
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 54:03
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 54:04
  Matt: That's not what we've been paid by St.
• 54:06
  Matt: James Place Incorporated to talk about.
• 54:08
  Matt: Uh the so this brings us, let's bring it home, Eric, with one last one last Monopoly question here.
• 54:16
  Matt: And I think we we can expand from it a little bit.
• 54:19
  Matt: Amy Senka Coffeeface on Instagram asked us for our top three strangest adaptations.
• 54:25
  Matt: Because, as you know, there are many, many versions of Monopoly.
• 54:31
  Matt: I looked up the full list on the Monopoly wiki.
• 54:34
  Matt: There's God, there's so many to I couldn't even get it.
• 54:38
  Eric: Do we have like a hard number?
• 54:39
  Eric: Or do we have like a like a ballpark number?
• 54:41
  Matt: They didn't summarize it and I didn't count because there are so many.
• 54:46
  Matt: Because just if you right off the bat, right off the cuff, you can say any TV show, any sports team, any sport, all of them have their own monopoly.
• 54:57
  Matt: Any, any, any old monopoly.
• 54:59
  Matt: Any like you know what I'm saying?
• 55:00
  Matt: Like there's uh any popular TV show, I would go ahead and assume there's a monopoly.
• 55:05
  Matt: There's a Seinfeld Monopoly, there's there's all kinds of monopolies, but we want to talk about the weird ones, right?
• 55:12
  Eric: The wild ass ones.
• 55:14
  Matt: Now, there are some versions of Monopoly that that are not necessarily weird in their uh the their the the trademark that they're taking on.
• 55:24
  Matt: But there are things like, and I know this is a pretty hated version, there's the monopoly electronic banking version.
• 55:31
  Eric: I was just uh the one where you have like a credit card of a card instead of a fucking paper money.
• 55:37
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:37
  Matt: There's also Monopoly Revolution.
• 55:40
  Matt: I was just playing with a circular board.
• 55:43
  Eric: I was just looking at it, it's so fucking weird.
• 55:45
  Eric: It somehow manages to be more cold and distant than fucking actual Monopoly.
• 55:51
  Matt: I think the most cold and distant one I'm looking at in terms of these, like not necessarily the theme of it, but the like the structure of it, the Monopoly Empire, where you own the world's top brands, such as Yahoo, Ford, Skype, Nickelodeon.
• 56:09
  Matt: These are so so like you're trying to get billboards in it.
• 56:12
  Matt: It sounds real cold and heartless.
• 56:15
  Matt: But are you ready for a this is to circle back to a question you asked earlier?
• 56:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:20
  Matt: Have you heard of Monopoly Luxury Edition, Eric?
• 56:24
  Eric: No, I have not.
• 56:26
  Matt: This is from the Puzzle Nation blog.
• 56:29
  Matt: Uh so they they did the real work here.
• 56:31
  Matt: I'm I'm just copying them.
• 56:32
  Eric: Yep.
• 56:33
  Matt: He writes here nothing quite compares to the$10,000 edition with 18 karat gold dice, diamond ornamentation, and of course, actual money.
• 56:50
  Matt: Except for get ready, Eric.
• 56:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 56:53
  Matt: Buckle up here.
• 56:54
  Eric: Okay.
• 56:55
  Matt: Except for the FAO Schwartz version, which uses actual currency and costs$100,000.
• 57:06
  Eric: What the fuck is that one made of?
• 57:08
  Matt: Uh, I think it's just the money part.
• 57:10
  Eric: I think it's just the fact that it has using one-to-one like fucking.
• 57:15
  Matt: Well, again, that's from the Monopoly wiki, and they don't have any sources, so who knows what the fuck's going on in there.
• 57:20
  Matt: But I did find some other weird versions.
• 57:22
  Matt: There is um uh Monopoly Live, which uses an electronic talking tower with motion sensors.
• 57:30
  Matt: Oh it has no dice, it has no cards, it has no money.
• 57:34
  Matt: Everything is managed by the tower.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 57:38
  Matt: Few interactive game pieces on the board.
• 57:41
  Matt: Uh the the blog, once again, Puzzle Nation blog, said, Do you like playing board games with Big Brother?
• 57:48
  Matt: Because that's what this is like.
• 57:49
  Matt: And it doesn't look fun at all.
• 57:52
  Eric: Yeah, the like real it takes uh oh oh great tower.
• 57:58
  Eric: I would like to move.
• 58:01
  Eric: You move three.
• 58:03
  Eric: Yeah, like it I have to take the fucking invisible hand of the free market's word for it.
• 58:08
  Matt: I don't want to bow to an altar to move.
• 58:12
  Matt: Uh so but so let's talk about.
• 58:14
  Matt: I think what people are actually asking about, however, are the like strange, you know, yeah, like themes.
• 58:23
  Eric: Yeah, the themes.
• 58:24
  Matt: For example, I have found the Sun Made edition.
• 58:28
  Matt: That's right.
• 58:28
  Matt: The raisins.
• 58:30
  Matt: Two scoops?
• 58:32
  Matt: Oh, I Oh, that's raising raisin-based.
• 58:35
  Eric: That's how much wild is.
• 58:37
  Matt: What you're describing is the two scoops is raisin brain.
• 58:40
  Eric: Uh sorry, which I guarantee if I click the R on this encyclopedia of fucking just just bear with me.
• 58:47
  Eric: I just want to find out if the there's Rasta Monopoly.
• 58:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 58:50
  Matt: There's Beanopoly, that's coffee-based.
• 58:53
  Matt: Ooh.
• 58:55
  Eric: Uh my my personal favorite thus far, Sailor Moon edition.
• 59:00
  Eric: Huge fan of Sailor Moon edition.
• 59:02
  Matt: Sailor Moon edition is a fun one.
• 59:04
  Matt: Uh there is there's bass fishing edition.
• 59:10
  Matt: Yep.
• 59:10
  Matt: And of course, unicorns versus llamas.
• 59:13
  Matt: That's a real hurdle.
• 59:14
  Matt: It's such a weird that I don't know where they came up with that matchup.
• 59:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:18
  Matt: I didn't know there I didn't know about the war.
• 59:20
  Matt: I didn't know there was beef.
• 59:22
  Matt: There is the Monopoly for Millennials, which uh is like I think it's like trying to celebrate, but I think maybe it just makes fun of Monop millennials.
• 59:35
  Matt: Probably.
• 59:36
  Matt: Like everything's more rent-based, and I'm sure the community chests are all like, you know, not related to these old 1936 terms, but there is a Yu-Gi-Oh!
• 59:49
  Eric: edition.
• 59:50
  unknown: Oh man.
• 59:52
  Matt: I was never really into Yu-Gi-Oh! Uh, nor Yu-Gi-Oh! new where I can tell.
• 59:56
  Eric: No, well, no, I actually uh Magic the Gathering is my game of choice.
• 59:59
  Eric: Uh oh.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: But I had when I worked at the daycare, I had to confiscate so many Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
• 1:00:06
  Matt: There's Cocktail Oppoly.
• 1:00:08
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 1:00:09
  Matt: You know, there's there's so many.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: There's so many.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: Fort Worth Oppoly?
• 1:00:15
  Eric: What?
• 1:00:15
  Eric: There's state of Utah version.
• 1:00:19
  Eric: Which I'm sure is just a hoot.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: Every again, every state has an Oppoly.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: Every state has one.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Target, there's a Target edition.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: Hold on, hold on, friends.
• 1:00:30
  Matt: I think I I I think I found the one.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: Well, you found it.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: You found the chosen one?
• 1:00:34
  Matt: At least the one I want to play.
• 1:00:35
  Matt: Little Debbie Snacopoly.
• 1:00:37
  Eric: Oh my god, yes!
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Little Debbie Snacopoly.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: I hope all the currency is just fucking little Debbie Streets.
• 1:00:43
  Eric: Yep, little uh so here's a question, Matthew.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:49
  Eric: If you could so there are so many goddamn editions, but uh, and I'm not gonna make you dig through all these to see if it's already existed, but if you could snap your fingers and make make Hasbro, you know, with their with their guns to the backs of the heads of the Parker brothers make any version of Monopoly that doesn't exist, like what would you what what version would you want to see?
• 1:01:16
  Eric: What what do you what would if they they have to make it and they have to sell it, what version?
• 1:01:22
  Matt: That is a tough one.
• 1:01:23
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:01:24
  Eric: Um I know my answer.
• 1:01:27
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:01:28
  Eric: So and this was and this actually inspired me by like the the world records for Monopoly.
• 1:01:32
  Eric: Uh I would I would want metaopoly.
• 1:01:36
  Eric: So so what you do is it's Monopoly, and it's all the standard standard properties, everything works the same except uh in order to to procure property, yeah.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: Each property is a different Hasbro board game, and you have to play and win that board game in order to secure that property.
• 1:02:11
  Eric: There is a game of life space, there is an operation space, there is a mousetrap space.
• 1:02:16
  Matt: That I am all in on this.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: This is like the ultimate tournament of board games.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Yes, you have to oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:25
  Matt: Uh I first of all, I much like that to whatever I was trying to come up with.
• 1:02:30
  Matt: Something that I was just thinking of is like it could be cool to put it in sort of a post-apocalyptic world where the different like by extension of what of acquiring these properties, you're like making these settlements.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: You're like, you you are slowly becoming the the new king of the world in the in by taking over these small settlements.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: And I'm imagining, oh man, we could extend this even further.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: So get this shit.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: So because my question is like, well, how do like currency, how does that work?
• 1:03:01
  Eric: Because you're not by so here's how it works all of the currencies from all of the board games are valid.
• 1:03:10
  Eric: You but there's exchange rates that you have to keep track of.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: Like, there's like a whole fucking thing, like you have to like the cherries from the cherry tree game, like those are one currency.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: Like it is like in that fresh, like the post we are we are pre-post-apocalypse in that the apocalypse just happened, so we haven't quite settled on the number one currency yet.
• 1:03:31
  Eric: We we haven't picked like uh bottle caps or you know, teeth.
• 1:03:35
  Eric: Um, so you say teeth?
• 1:03:37
  Eric: Teeth.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: So you've got so you've got like literally the bones you've picked out of operation.
• 1:03:44
  Eric: You've got like, and they all have fucking worth and value depending on on what like you've got the murder weapons from Clue.
• 1:03:53
  Eric: Yes, like the water on the guy's knee from operation is worth like a thousand monopoly dollars, but like it's only worth, you know, uh like three pieces of cheese from Mousetrap.
• 1:04:07
  Eric: It's really gonna event inevitably become cones of Dunshire.
• 1:04:10
  Eric: That's like what we're on track to invent here.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: We should invent a board game, Eric.
• 1:04:15
  Eric: Let's invent MetaPoly.
• 1:04:17
  Eric: Let's make let's make a game that we will never have to play.
• 1:04:21
  Matt: No, I think we play it.
• 1:04:22
  Matt: That's our first live show.
• 1:04:24
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: Uh, and then of course, Eric, um, and I think this might be your favorite edition.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: Uh, there is Monopoly Cheaters edition.
• 1:04:34
  Matt: Well, it it says, What can you get away with?
• 1:04:38
  Matt: It says on the front of it.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: It comes with a handcuffs.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was a judgment free zone.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_00: There is no judgment free zone in Monopoly.
• 1:04:59
  Eric: Um, no, of course, Eric.
• 1:05:00
  Eric: You were young, you made young.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: Oh, God.
• 1:05:05
  Eric: Like, grandma.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: Now you're making me now you're making me feel bad on your behalf.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: Okay, well, if all of you, I think that answers the questions on Monopoly.
• 1:05:17
  Eric: Never talk to me about Monopoly ever again.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: I want to play Monopoly so fucking bad right now.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: I know you do.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: I can see it in your eyes.
• 1:05:25
  Matt: Now, Eric, to wrap things up, I think, or should we you know, and now for something completely different.
• 1:05:32
  Eric: Yeah, let's uh let's let's let's let's cleanse the the Monopoly palette.
• 1:05:37
  Matt: A while back, we discussed a spell.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: It's been a spell since we brought it.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: Because I can't give you a definite number, but I know it wasn't too too long ago.
• 1:05:52
  Matt: Uh so it it since in episode seventeen's cold open, we discussed some uh the The possibility of me creating a persona to review products on Amazon.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: So for this circle back follow-up, circle back.
• 1:06:12
  Matt: I I am pleased to tell you and our listeners that I did indeed create.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: And you can go find me on Amazon.
• 1:06:23
  Matt: I did create my persona.
• 1:06:25
  Eric: And Matt, just because I love hearing you say it, what is the name of your persona?
• 1:06:33
  SPEAKER_00: Fontleroy.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: Fontleroy, the head butler of the Radcliffe Manor.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: This is my about on my profile.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: Okay, you can find me.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: It is so Fontleroy is my name.
• 1:06:48
  Eric: You can pause this episode right now, open up Amazon, search for his profile.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: It is there.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: I am, as my father was before me, the head butler and primary caretaker of Radcliffe Manor.
• 1:07:00
  Matt: Nonsense will not be tolerated.
• 1:07:04
  Eric: And you write Amazon item reviews.
• 1:07:08
  Matt: I have begun writing Amazon reviews in these uh in this character.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: Through the lens.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: And taken one at a time, you might not necessarily see what I'm doing, but altogether, I am creating a world.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: I'm world building.
• 1:07:26
  Eric: He's weaving a mythos.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: So I am weaving a mythos.
• 1:07:30
  Matt: So if if I may, Eric, I would like to read to you my my reviews thus far.
• 1:07:36
  Eric: Alright, do you need a spring uh can I can I give you a springboard to kind of get you in the mindset?
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:07:41
  Eric: Alright, here we go.
• 1:07:42
  Eric: Here we go.
• 1:07:42
  Eric: Ready?
• 1:07:45
  Eric: Fauntleroy.
• 1:07:51
  Matt: Yes, hello.
• 1:07:52
  Matt: Um I have gathered some reviews that I hope will be helpful, and I would like to read them now.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: This is my review of ZQL, nighttime sleep aid liquid.
• 1:08:08
  Matt: Headline excellent sedative.
• 1:08:12
  Matt: My assistant Clarence has been off kilter at the manor of late.
• 1:08:16
  Matt: I procured this product to help him receive a quality night of sleep.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: It knocked him out straight away, but unfortunately its effects were overly effective.
• 1:08:26
  Matt: The poor sap was still nodding off come noon the next day.
• 1:08:30
  Matt: It was about two PM by the time he stopped complaining of his foggy brain.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: It's gone now, but the usual fog remains.
• 1:08:39
  Matt: The poor soul.
• 1:08:40
  Matt: Perhaps a half dose for first timers is appropriate.
• 1:08:45
  Matt: Zequel, four stars.
• 1:08:49
  Matt: Next we have Dog Training Clicker with a wristband by Oifly.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: Reliable, bulky.
• 1:09:01
  Matt: In order to gain some better control over the hounds, I purchased this two-pack of training clickers.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: I must admit, I haven't yet tested them on the hounds themselves, as I have found great amusement in the constant clicking, much to the dismay of my staff.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: The wrist holder is a bit awkward, I regret to say.
• 1:09:21
  Matt: I found myself wishing it would detach completely or become more compact in order to attach to my keychain at a normal length.
• 1:09:29
  Matt: Lord knows I hate anything on my ring to descend past the mean height.
• 1:09:35
  Matt: Still, for the price, these cannot be beat.
• 1:09:38
  Matt: I'm certain this will turn the hound's behavior right around.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_00: My old bones are growing too weary to continue using the net.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_00: Four stars.
• 1:09:53
  Matt: This is my review now of Command Large Double Bath Hooks by Command.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Give it to me, Fauntleroy.
• 1:10:05
  Matt: A passable perch.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: The East Mud Room has become a hotbed of unpleasantness at the manor.
• 1:10:15
  Matt: It is, after all, where the hounds re-enter following an excursion to the grounds.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: I selected these hooks to be a quick solution by adding them to each of the hounds' personal lockers.
• 1:10:29
  Matt: They fit right in and are sufficient at holding the weight of a full towel.
• 1:10:34
  Matt: However, they are not as sturdy as one may desire.
• 1:10:37
  Matt: I find them easily shifting about on their attachment, and when the towel is retrieved with a certain level of hostility, can come off entirely.
• 1:10:48
  Matt: After one such occurrence the hook went flying, and this disturbed the hounds, who already dislike having their feet cleaned.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: I now keep my passions in check when interacting with the hooks, and I suggest you do the same.
• 1:11:05
  Matt: Four stars.
• 1:11:14
  Matt: Alright, I got two more for you.
• 1:11:16
  Matt: This one this one is of the OXO Good Grips bottle brush.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: Good, good.
• 1:11:25
  Matt: Bristling with potential.
• 1:11:28
  Eric: Fuck.
• 1:11:29
  Matt: Lady Radcliffe's newfound obsession with soda scream has led to an influx of bottles that the kitchen staff must work through on a daily basis.
• 1:11:39
  Matt: With hundreds of bottles practically tumbling down the dumb waiter a day, the acquisition of this brush has proven most useful.
• 1:11:48
  Matt: It gets in and out with ease and is quite useful on bottles of all sizes.
• 1:11:53
  Matt: It will allow us to keep up with the lady's needs even as she downs enough gas to fill the Hindenburg.
• 1:12:01
  Matt: And my latest.
• 1:12:03
  Eric: Oh, uh how many stars?
• 1:12:06
  Matt: Oh, excuse me, four stars.
• 1:12:10
  Matt: Uh now, this one is still being re reviewed by Amazon, so I I I didn't write down my headline.
• 1:12:17
  Eric: Someone at Amazon, under the employee of of of m Sir Jeff Bezos, had to had to read this and click, yup, seems legit.
• 1:12:30
  Matt: I want you to know that thus far Fauntleroy has received one helpful vote for his ZQL review.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: And my final review, this is for This is for Pepto Bismol capsules.
• 1:12:46
  Matt: My assistant Clarence, that sad oaf, once again indulged in extra brownies that were prepared for Lady Radcliffe.
• 1:12:55
  Matt: As usual, she ate but one bite before returning it to the kitchen.
• 1:12:59
  Matt: Against my better judgment, I released the plate to the whims of Clarence, who devoured it in the span of five minutes.
• 1:13:08
  Matt: An impressive, albeit ill-advised feat.
• 1:13:12
  Matt: I provided him with these capsules, as he claimed the regular fluid taste like stale shoelaces, a taste I myself am unfamiliar with.
• 1:13:23
  Matt: Nevertheless, the capsules worked just as well, and he was back on his feet again in time to serve Lord Radcliffe his afternoon negrony.
• 1:13:36
  Matt: I want so here's what I've been been doing with these.
• 1:13:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:40
  Matt: I these are all things I've purchased.
• 1:13:43
  Matt: These are all these are all real purchases.
• 1:13:46
  Matt: And uh so I want the reviews to like be I want to do my I want to build a world, I want to build these characters, but and I think I will slowly work in plot, like across.
• 1:14:00
  Matt: But gotta get the intrigue.
• 1:14:02
  Matt: But I do want them to be legitimate reviews.
• 1:14:05
  Matt: Like my review, my review of Zequel is true.
• 1:14:08
  Matt: It fucked me up until noon the next day.
• 1:14:13
  Eric: No, yes, that is fucking phenomenal.
• 1:14:16
  Eric: And I suggest our if if our if our dear listeners could just please, if you could just find Dear Fontleroy on Amazon and just make sure you mark all of his reviews as helpful.
• 1:14:25
  Matt: Oh, don't worry.
• 1:14:25
  Matt: If you didn't know already, you can follow Fontleroy.
• 1:14:29
  Eric: Oh, thank God.
• 1:14:30
  Matt: So you can follow Fauntleroy, you can see his reviews.
• 1:14:34
  Matt: Um, I I you know I am casually dropping these in, but I did want the the the the war the you didn't ask for this, the you daft community to know that they are real and they are out there.
• 1:14:46
  Eric: Oh amazing.
• 1:14:49
  Matt: Is it everything you wanted it to be?
• 1:14:51
  Eric: It's it's everything you hope I didn't lose down.
• 1:14:55
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 1:14:57
  Matt: Perhaps we'll check in with Faunt LeRoy again.
• 1:15:00
  Eric: Mayhap we will.
• 1:15:14
  Matt: Now, uh, Eric, I think that'll just about do it for us here.
• 1:15:18
  Matt: I think that'll do.
• 1:15:19
  Matt: Uh you know, on this sort of extra loaded episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:15:25
  Matt: Uh, real quick, Eric, I do want to get in a quick plug, if I may, for anyone in the uh Baltimore area.
• 1:15:33
  Matt: Plug me, Matty.
• 1:15:35
  Matt: I uh, as I mentioned earlier in this episode, member of the theater company Single Carrot Theater in Baltimore, and we are starting our season out in person, outside for the vaccinated.
• 1:15:49
  Matt: Uh, with Every Brilliant Thing by Duncan McMillan.
• 1:15:53
  Matt: Uh, it is a brilliant and beautiful play.
• 1:15:57
  Matt: It is a one-person show that uh uh so I will be on stage.
• 1:16:04
  Matt: This stage happens to be outside and at individual houses in Baltimore.
• 1:16:09
  Matt: It's a rotating schedule, so there'll be a different house each week.
• 1:16:12
  Matt: So you have to buy tickets and then we'll send you the exact address.
• 1:16:15
  Matt: But if you go to singlecarat.com, you uh can find all the dates where I personally are performing.
• 1:16:22
  Matt: I will also be, we are it's a rotating, it's a one-person show, but we're rotating between three performers myself, Megan Stanton, and Lauren Erica Jackson.
• 1:16:31
  Matt: So you so come check us out.
• 1:16:35
  Matt: Uh I really I've been, you know, I've been excited about doing this play for literally like three years.
• 1:16:41
  Matt: So I'm very excited that we're finally doing it.
• 1:16:44
  Matt: And I hope to see you all there.
• 1:16:46
  Matt: Come see me, and I'll tell you a beautiful tale uh about you know hope and and and the small moments that make life livable, but it's also about suicide.
• 1:16:58
  Matt: So content warning.
• 1:16:59
  Matt: Content warning.
• 1:17:00
  Matt: Content warning.
• 1:17:01
  Matt: So I don't think I actually said the uh the the the run of every brilliant thing is uh Thursdays through Sundays in September.
• 1:17:10
  Matt: So uh check us out.
• 1:17:11
  Matt: And then again, my specific dates are on the website.
• 1:17:14
  Matt: Uh that's that's do you have any plugs of your own, Eric?
• 1:17:17
  Eric: I uh you know what?
• 1:17:18
  Eric: I while we're on the topic of plu uh plugging things, I don't know why I've never ever plugged this, but uh I do have another podcast that I've been doing for years at this point, uh, and uh reminding me that when I mentioned that I I dungeon a dragon.
• 1:17:36
  Eric: Um I have a DD podcast, I know, White Guy with a DD podcast, so brave.
• 1:17:45
  Eric: Groundbreaking.
• 1:17:47
  Eric: Um, but uh it's called Whose Rolls It Anyway?
• 1:17:51
  Eric: It is the fucking best name in the world.
• 1:17:53
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:17:54
  Eric: It is improvised Dungeons and Dragons.
• 1:17:57
  Eric: What we do is we play a session of DD in front of a live audience, but all of the spells, monsters, magic items, even uh NPC quotes are all generated by the audience.
• 1:18:11
  Eric: So they are all like in Venom of the Spot, we pull them and we and we play with them.
• 1:18:16
  Eric: Uh, it is absolute batshit insanity.
• 1:18:19
  Eric: You can find Whose Roll is It Anyway on the Thundergrunt network.
• 1:18:24
  Eric: Uh so if you search Thundergrunt or Whose Rolls It Anyway, you can search us on Spotify, you can search us, you know, Google, you will find us.
• 1:18:31
  Eric: Uh, it is a blast.
• 1:18:33
  Eric: It is absolute hoot.
• 1:18:35
  Eric: Uh, it'll be uh the episodes you'll hear are our live recordings from our time, uh our our first home at Magfest.
• 1:18:44
  Eric: Um, and then uh subsequent shows were recorded at the windup space.
• 1:18:49
  Eric: Later shows recorded at No Land Beyond in Baltimore.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: Very nice.
• 1:18:55
  Matt: Very nice.
• 1:18:56
  Eric: Do you have a live show coming up?
• 1:18:58
  Eric: We do.
• 1:18:58
  Eric: It's the uh we do the last Sunday of every month at No Land Beyond.
• 1:19:02
  Eric: So if you're Baltimore, feel free to come see us.
• 1:19:06
  unknown: Perfect.
• 1:19:07
  Matt: Look at us plugging our shit.
• 1:19:08
  Eric: Look at us plugging our shit.
• 1:19:09
  Matt: So that'll about do it for us today.
• 1:19:12
  Matt: Thank you for joining us for the first full themed episode.
• 1:19:16
  Matt: Hope you enjoyed it.
• 1:19:17
  Matt: Please leave us a review if you haven't already on whatever app you are using.
• 1:19:21
  Matt: Give us some stars, just like Fauntleroy did.
• 1:19:24
  Matt: And uh yeah, yeah.
• 1:19:26
  Matt: Tell your friends, you know, take someone's phone and force them to follow us.
• 1:19:31
  Matt: That's an acceptable version of marketing as well, I think.
• 1:19:34
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:19:34
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:19:35
  Matt: So uh I think and I think that's about it.
• 1:19:38
  Matt: So without further ado, thank you for joining us for yet another episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:19:44
  Matt: My name is Matche.
• 1:19:45
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:19:47
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:19:48
  Eric: But what the fuck did Jake the jailbird do to get thrown in prison?
• 1:19:52
  Eric: Like you ever think about that shit?
• 1:19:54
  SPEAKER_00: It must be a dark and twisted.
• 1:19:57
  Eric: He never leaves.
• 1:19:58
  Eric: Look at his face.
• 1:19:58
  Eric: He never left.
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gaunt.
• 1:20:02
  SPEAKER_00: He's staring, forever staring out of the bar.
• 1:20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Holding on to those freedom.
• 1:20:07
  SPEAKER_00: The freedom that waits beyond.
• 1:20:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's passing through.
• 1:20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Always passing, looking at him as if he was a blue animal.
• 1:20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And he says, if only, if only I had not stolen from my grandparents.
• 1:20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh respect.