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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just. The Weighted Balance of Good Intentions 1.26.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  What's happening over here says in the last chapter in chapter
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  19, besides shame is telling us about this concept of Hasidut.
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  Hasidut essence means that you're taking something, you do
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  it all the way, whether it be Abad Hashem, abadisa, loving
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  another Jew, shamayim, any area, you're a hasee, which means
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  you're taking it very far. But then he goes on to this
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  chapter, chapter 20, implementing, actually applying
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  this idea of Hasidut. And it comes to a topic that to
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  me is one of the most fundamental topics you can have
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  and hardest to come by. And that is a topic of how do
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  you apply a constitute balance. So what's balance?
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  First, it talks about decision making a three from 4:15 and
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  we'll go through it. How do you decide when to apply
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  this? To give you multiple examples, a
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  person that's very strong about this.
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  I love another Jew, so I want to do whatever I can for another
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  Jew. There's got to be limits.
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  Has to be sometime I say I got to stop and do things for my own
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  family, stop and take care of myself or I want to go very far
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  for Kitty Shasham. It has to be some degree of
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  limits. When do you and how do you
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  decide that balance is a very delicate and powerful tool for
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  when Yan E Kari nod nod. It's a fundamental point.
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  Vetteda MH zela malaka kasha chebek hasidut.
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  It's the most difficult task about being a dedicated person
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  is to know the balance. More difficult than being
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  inspired to be, you know, a very dedicated area of Abadi's self,
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  for example. More difficult than that is to
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  know when to apply and when not to apply.
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  Kidakuto Rav. It's delicate level is exact.
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  The issue is about the wiser. Can he sound good line here so I
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  can trick you like crazy. I can't even say it's a kinda
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  talk to Ma and that's a person who's in danger.
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  There are many good things out there.
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  You have a yes that I can tell you don't do that.
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  It's a bad thing. There are many bad things and
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  there are many bad things with the It's that I can tell you
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  that's the right thing to do. The Karev, kill him.
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  Mitzvot get a lot, hear his words.
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  There are many bad things out there with the itzer.
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  I can tell you, you must do that.
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  It's a great mitzvah. And the truth is no person can
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  succeed in this balance. He has to apply each and every
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  time he's debating something. Thank you.
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  He has to apply three steps, which we'll see what they are in
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  a minute. But again, let's understand this
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  point. He's telling you a clue.
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  You can have many, many instances in life.
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  I'll give you a classic one. How many times does a person
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  debate if they should go learn? This morning people debated they
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  should go to Mignon. All right, so I'm not saying
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  every person had to go, but I am saying that the Itza Hara could
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  have told you it's the wrong thing to go.
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  Dangerous. It's not proper.
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  Your wife's going to be nervous. Your family's not going to be.
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  You don't have to be home for the family.
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  You have to be safe. Whatever may be the answer.
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  Doctor told you something's down, all right?
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  And he's telling you that you decided the right thing or wrong
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  thing, but he's telling you that right there is a balance that a
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  person has to know what's the right thing.
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  I gave you my example the whole last week, which is my question
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  was whether or not to go to Israel.
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  I wasn't sure. Do go, don't go.
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  He debated it back and forth. Should I leave my Khalil?
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  Should I leave Khalil? Should I get up and go?
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  Don't leave. Go up and go.
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  This is a balance and it's very hard to decide the right from
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  wrong in these areas. We're not talking about things
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  that seem clear. We're talking about all the
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  areas where real people struggle.
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  Real people don't struggle. You can right or wrong.
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  Because I say. You.
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  You. You're.
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  Deciding right and if you made that decision to to go and does
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  that mean does that mean an it could be an instance where the
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  inside I pulled you in that direction?
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  Yes, yes, it could very well be. And the person has to apply when
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  they're struggling in this challenge.
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  He has to apply the three steps that I'll give you to decide how
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  to make the right move. And we have faced this so many
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  times in our life. You want us?
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  Should you work more in the office?
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  Or maybe I'm overdoing it? That's a very good question.
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  Is that the answer? I the answer at all?
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  You want us. Should you get involved in
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  another offensive case? Or maybe it's not good for me.
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  Should you give more charity? Maybe it's not good for me.
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  Should you go to shul? Maybe not proper.
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  Should you go to learn, even have the right thing with us?
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  Maybe. Should you get upset, your
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  children maybe have the right thing.
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  There's so many different balances that good people
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  struggle with, and these are the balances of the Mischala has a
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  duty calls it weighing the balance of being a Hasidic.
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  Your dedication is to be a good person, but you don't know where
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  it's coming from. Is it coming from the Yitzhak to
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  which would make sense, my inclination to do good?
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  Or is it coming from the Yitzhak at all?
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  My inclination to do bad. What are you talking about?
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  I'm doing a good thing. No, no, no, you don't realize
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  where its source is from. And I'm saying this and he says
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  it's the the most difficult task in the world of Hasidut.
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  And I'll tell you from learning further and from you've seen
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  this in your own life, in our own experiences.
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  This is where good people struggle.
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  We don't struggle between the itzhak, the Itzhak Tov.
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  Simply we know to avoid evil and we know to be dedicated to good.
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  But our challenge is knowing which is good and which is evil.
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  What do you mean? Of course I know.
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  No. It turns out that if it was
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  simple life, then it would be too easy.
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  Hashem throws into our midst. He throws to us this challenge.
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  And every one of us has faced this challenge, has slipped and
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  fallen this challenge, right? Every one of us, one way or
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  another. And this is called the Meshkala
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  constitute. How do you know where something
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  is coming near Zahra or it's coming from here?
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  So. And it seems so simple and turns
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  out to be so complicated. Let's see these words together.
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  The main challenge in life, good and bad, is.
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  Yeah, Israel is a good example because yeah, you're not doing
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  so-called anything bad, you're going away and you but you think
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  by leaving your alcohol you'd be.
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  Doing something I had so many struggles during that week
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  before you all witnessed it. That's whether or not to go and
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  the break, right. Well, I'll give you the this the
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  scale very simple. Do you go?
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  So I was going to go to two bar mitzvahs.
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  I said two plants that street. Do you leave your kahal?
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  But it's a light week. It's on the weekdays.
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  Do you leave your Khalil stopping to learn you leave your
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  family? Come on, right.
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  On the other hand, these two omits I was supposed to go to
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  right. I could use a vacation once in a
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  while, right, Even though it wasn't like, you know, that type
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  of vacation. Maybe it refreshes you.
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  So I was back and forth and to get it and we debated it and I
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  and eventually we applied these three tasks.
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  And I think after the fact that Shem proved I don't care.
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  Shem was the right decision, but I could easily live in the wrong
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  one, right? So you could see.
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  And you're saying, what do you mean it's a great thing, No
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  stopping. You're learning, you're leaving
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  your family and you're leaving your shoe.
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  What do you mean it's the right decision?
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  But this is Mishka. I say, dude, this is something
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  that a person has to weigh and it's so difficult.
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  I'll give you a better example. This is.
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  Conversely, like. Conversely, if you stayed.
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  Yeah. Would that be where you said
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  that you did you? You went against the.
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  I don't think if I had a state it would have been the wrong
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  thing. It.
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  Would have been the right thing no matter what I'm trying to
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  say. Could it have been the right
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  thing? No matter.
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  What culture state? No, sorry, I I'm hopefully.
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  Because you're being pulled to to go.
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  Should I go? So staying would have said,
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  yeah, obviously I have the reasons to stay you.
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  See what I'm trying to say? You have to 1st apply the steps
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  of of a decision making. Before you get to.
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  You have to apply number one. You have to decide what's for
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  Hashem and #2 you have to decide.
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  The second thing is to try to, this is the most important one,
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  so I couldn't really define what's for Hashem.
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  A lot of times we try to convince ourselves for Hashem
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  and really it's for us, right? That's a hard one to use.
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  The second tool is the most important, which is weighing the
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  odds, weighing the two sides. That's the second one.
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  That's the one that you really applied.
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  And I weighed it back and forth and back and forth and
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  eventually just took the plunge. And then you rely on the third
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  step, which we'll see, which is hoping that Hashem will make it
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  work. So first you try to decide
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  what's fashem. Very hard to know what's fashem.
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  I'll give you another example. You have a hesit case, someone
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  calls you up and say you know your brother-in-law, he needs
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  your help, got to get involved. Anything itself, I got to get
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  involved. It's my brother-in-law, how can
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  I leave it? All right, my nephew, he needs
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  my help. I got to get involved.
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  I'm going to call him, I'm going to talk to him.
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  I spend time, I'm going to go visit him.
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  I'm going to get involved. Great.
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  On the other hand, it's a sticky situation. 01, number one.
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  Number two, it's family. You're taking away from your own
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  family. When you get involved over
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  there, you don't know if it's going to lead to anything.
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  You don't know what's pulling you.
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  That couldn't be. You think in your mind, what's
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  pulling me is I want to do the right thing.
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  Or it could be there's always a certain degree of enjoyment.
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  I want to be a hero. I want to be a hero when I have
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  a family case and I know that no other sibling is getting
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  involved. I'm the only one who knows the
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  tools how to figure this out or his own.
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  The kids own siblings and I can I'm the one that's going to
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  figure I'm going to be the the Superman, right?
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  Or. You could be neglecting what
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  you're really supposed to be taking as well.
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  How do you know? This is very hard?
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  So you have to weigh, as we'll see, weigh what's the outcome,
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  weigh what's the right thing. And you have to see will it
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  succeed? Will it succeed?
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  Will it harm your family has Shalom, will it not right.
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  You have to go back and forth and back and forth.
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  And the truth is, even with trying to apply a motive for
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  Hashem, you don't know which transfer Hashem or not.
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  That's very real. Nobody knows if they're like
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  smart fully Part 1 trying to figure out the right decision.
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  Also, you don't know if you have a good or bad.
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  The truth is you know what ends up really working experience.
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  What ends up working is experience.
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  For example, for me, my big tool was the fact trying to figure
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  out if good for my wife or not. That was a big item, right?
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  And back and forth, back and forth and eventually I, I, you
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  know, we discussed and debated and debated.
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  I took the plunge. I didn't know if the show was a
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  right decision at all. I think the plunge, a big
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  component at this high point is the idea of the going to Villa.
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  Going to Villa says very interesting thing.
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  He says if a poor man comes, I've mentioned this before, a
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  poor man comes and you reach into your pocket and outcomes
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  money very fast. Think twice.
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  If it's going too easy, your decision is too clear.
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  It's very possible. It's kind of from the inside
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  out. If you have a struggle, actually
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  it's more likely it's kind of from the inside of you.
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  Hear that you stick your hand into your pocket, 100 bucks
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  comes out, $100 comes out. Don't be the inside out sounds
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  backward. No, no.
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  If it goes too easy in the initial stages, it's the inside
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  out pulling you. So for me, if the decision was
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  so simple, it might have been the wrong one.
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  The fact that I had a struggle and the fact that I had to
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  convince my wife and the fact that I had to set it up and all
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  these different things made me feel a little better about the
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  decision eventually. Because the more difficult the
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  decision is, the better the outcome.
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  It's very possibly the more you are actually doing the right
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  thing. It's a shocking idea.
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  It's against logic, but not really because you have to
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  figure out what's pulling you is the natural pull.
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  So if it goes naturally that direction, it's the ETA.
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  But the ETA Atov is the fighter. So if it's a fight, it's very
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  possible the ETA Atov. This is how it works.
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  And it seems against all logic, but you've seen it in your own
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  life. I can't, I don't tell you.
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  You've seen in your life if you were very quick to something
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  turns out maybe not the right thing.
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  If you debated and debated and debated and then making a
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  decision, very possibly that was the right thing, you know,
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  inside which school to send you chosen.
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  If it was like this, not sure if it worked out the rest.
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  But if it was back and forth and back and forth and you had
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  sleepless nights and you made a move which said to yourself,
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  there are certain, you know that there's certain.
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  You know, what's the word backlash I'm going to have from
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  this? Or maybe I'm not sure if it's
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  right exact or percussion, I'm not sure it's right.
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  That usually is the one that's right.
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  It's a very funny mindset to go down, but that's the truth.
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  How do you know? How do you know?
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  You eventually have to rely on that shit like you need
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  experience, either your own experience or the people that
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  came before you, their experience.
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  But overall, the theme is he got away and he had to go back and
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  forth and don't just rely on the fact that I want to do good.
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  I've said this many times, I'll say it again, one of my favorite
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  opinions. There's been so many issues from
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  people who meant to do good. Many do gooders out there have
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  caused a lot of harm and many real people know this to be the
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  case all right if they. Many do gooders who open up
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  unnecessary institutions. Many do gooders have made wrong
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  decisions with their family. Many do gooders have got
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  involved in fights and pushed a fight a little further.
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  All this is coming from the Etsera and a person needs to
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  know this and apply their experience to decide what is
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  good and what is bad. It's called let's review those
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  three steps you're going to review, but OK, so the first
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  point ultimately we. Don't know once you could think
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  of going to Israel, going to the oh, that's of course, it's the
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  given. How could it be wrong?
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  How could it be wrong? So it's OK, so fine the second
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  one. Right, that's a challenge.
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  Fine, Power, fine. Yeah, so.
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  So instead that's that. But really the point is
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  approaching the second point. We don't know what the we don't
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  know what our outcome is going to be.
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  So, so that's all on the outside, but on the inside,
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  like, OK, so so we don't know that that really on the inside
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  we want to be the hero. But but what if, what if we can
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  identify that, oh, we really are trying to be the hero here, but
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  I still want to do it. But I know and think about it
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  and you can say, you know what? I see that I want to be the
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  hero, but I'm going to now decide that I'm going to do this
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  not because. I want to be good.
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  So the most important thing, it's very important.
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  Anyone who claims they don't care about either being the hero
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  or feeling great about themselves or something, what if
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  they're they're they're fooling themselves.
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  Every person so I know who's involved in one way or another
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  is something that's a good thing.
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  Oh, it's a challenging point. It's a good thing because
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  you're. On to do.
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  Good, good. This is the year exactly to to
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  both points. You should identify the fact
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  that there's a little bit of other motives that are somewhat
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  even a little bit selfish, but there's also an element that's
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  good. Be honest with yourself.
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  There's a classic example where somebody today who's one of the,
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  I can say his name, one of the biggest fundraisers in the
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  Jewish world today. He has a million institutions in
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  Israel and he went to one of the Ghidolin and the, the Gadol told
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  them, you know, what percent do you think is le schma?
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  What percent did you think of your motive is for Hashem?
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  And he said, I don't know, maybe 5%.
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  That's 5 out of 100%, pretty weak.
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  And you have I said even that that's pretty good.
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  That's what I say. That's great.
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  So in other words, be very real. Everyone's got a lot of motives.
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  Everyone has a lot of different things which could be power,
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  could be controlled. Those are bad.
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  It couldn't be. I want to feel good about
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  myself. That's pretty good.
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  I want to, you know, be the hero.
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  I want to maybe for my kids. There's all other kinds of
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  motives, right? Set my kids up.
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  These are things and these go through people's minds.
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  Let's be very honest. Now you have to identify it.
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  I don't see it yourself, but I'm doing it anyhow, either despite
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  or even with that or anyhow, which means you're clear with
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  yourself and you still feel there's still some good to come
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  out of it once you know the motives.
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  The advantage of knowing that motives is that you'll realize
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  when that's keeping you in it, when the original purpose is
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  keeping you in it. Classic example is, and certain
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  institutions are not willing to close.
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  They had a hassle mission, right?
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  And that mission is over. Whatever it may be, it's over.
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  Thank God they got the job done. Mission accomplished.
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  Why do they need to morph into another institution?
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  Why can't they just stop? Sometimes they do more good.
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  Other times because they have that structure in place where so
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  many people are involved and they can't really handle the
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  fact that they're done. It bothers them that right there
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  is a debate and now you have funding and fundraising and only
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  to many things for a shell and no longer really does this job.
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  How'd that happen? It happened because good people
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  got involved, but the need was gone.
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  They can't let go. That's a classic example.
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  Now. Now is a bad thing, but it's a
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  classic example of this struggle.
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  What's going on over here? Why are we doing this right?
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  I'll be very real. You know, the people always get
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  involved in family politics and then think how that politics
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  goes away. They move the direction to
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  another one. They always find their way.
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  They don't really stop at the family politics.
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  They find a way to apply to a different area.
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  Why 'cause it became their way of life.
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  How'd that happen? They wanted to create peace,
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  they did, but they're not really sure how to stop.
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  This is where the motives get involved, and this is where the
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  pulls get involved. And this is where a person has
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  to tell themselves. Let me be an honest person with
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  myself. I'm trying to figure out why am
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  I getting involved? Let's weigh the three odds and
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  then we'll stop #1 three factors.
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  I'm doing it for Hashem. Hard to be honest with that one.
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  Number two, I'm looking at two sides.
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  I'm trying to make the right decision.
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  What will be the better outcome? And #3I throw myself out to
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  Hashem. And I hope that God brings out
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  the right outcome. These are the three things to
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  weigh every time you're doing a good deed, right?
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  And it's a very fundamental point.
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  And this is really the the blueprint for good people to
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  remain good people, not talking about bad people, not thinking
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  about, you know, something came out there that knows the right
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  from wrong. We're talking about us, which
• 19:25
  also said they came. But the average person, the
• 19:27
  average mindset where you're trying to create the path of
• 19:31
  life, you have to apply these two points.
• 19:33
  And if it's at the Shim, I shouldn't make it.
• 19:35
  They're doing the right thing. All right.
• 19:40
  Good morning.