Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run Their First One-on-One
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been a manager for, say, two weeks. You've had the onboarding meetings with your boss. You've figured out how to log into the performance management system. But your first real one-on-one with a direct report is tomorrow morning. What do you actually talk about? Luna: Honestly, that first one-on-one made me more nervous than almost anything else in my first management role. You don't want to seem clueless, but you also don't want to come across as a robot reading off a checklist. Lucas: Exactly. And the stakes are higher than most new managers realise. Research from Google's Project Oxygen found that the number-one behaviour of the best managers was holding regular one-on-ones. But the quality matters a lot more than the frequency. A bad first one-on-one can take months to undo. Luna: Let's make this concrete. Give me a scenario. Lucas: Okay. Say you're Jason. You just got promoted to marketing manager. One of your direct reports is Priya, a senior marketing coordinator who's been at the company for three years. She used to sit next to you in the open plan. You were peers. Now you're her boss. That first one-on-one is on Wednesday at 10 a.m. in a small conference room. Luna: And the awkwardness is already there because of the peer to manager transition. So what does Jason do? Lucas: I think the biggest mistake would be to walk in and say, 'So, what are you working on?' and then spend the entire thirty minutes going through a status update. That's not a one-on-one. That's a check-in that could have been an email. Jason needs to signal from the start that this conversation is about Priya — her development, her challenges, her goals. Luna: Right. So how does he structure it? Do you have a framework? Lucas: I like a simple three-part structure. Part one: the personal check-in. Part two: the work and support conversation. Part three: the forward-looking action item. And I think the most important part is the first five minutes. Luna: The personal check-in. That's where a lot of managers get uncomfortable. Lucas: Right. But the Google data is pretty clear. Managers in high-trust teams spent the first five minutes of every one-on-one on something non-work-related. They asked about the person's weekend, their kids, their hobbies — something that showed they saw them as a human being, not just a resource. Luna: I know that works for some people, but I have to say — as someone who's more introverted, that kind of forced chit-chat can feel fake. I remember one manager who always asked about my weekend and I never knew how to answer without feeling like I was being interrogated. Lucas: That's a fair point. So maybe the personal check-in doesn't have to be about weekends. It could be about something you know they care about. Like, Priya mentioned she's training for a half-marathon. Jason could say, 'Hey, how's the training going?' That's specific. It shows he listened. Luna: Okay, that feels more natural. But what if you genuinely don't know anything personal about them yet? Lucas: Then you can be honest. You can say, 'Look, I want to get to know you as a person, not just a colleague. What's something you're excited about outside of work?' That's an open question. It's not prying. It gives them control over how much they share. Luna: Alright, so after that five-minute check-in, what's the second part? Lucas: Part two is about their work and their professional growth. Jason should ask Priya two things. First: 'What's the most exciting project you're working on right now?' That gets her talking about something positive. Then: 'What's one thing that's frustrating you or blocking you?' That gives Jason a chance to understand where he can actually help. Luna: And that's where the coaching comes in, versus solving. Lucas: Exactly. The instinct for most new managers is to immediately jump in and say, 'Oh, I'll fix that for you.' But a better approach is to ask, 'What ideas do you have for getting past that block?' It empowers the direct report. And it shows Jason trusts Priya's judgement. Luna: Then the third part — the forward-looking action item. Lucas: Yes. Jason should end with a clear 'what happens next.' It could be as simple as, 'I'll look into the budget constraint you mentioned and get back to you by Friday. And you're going to send me the draft of the campaign by Thursday so I can review it before the team meeting.' That creates accountability and shows the one-on-one had a point. Luna: I like that. So the whole thing is maybe twenty-five minutes, leaving five minutes for anything else they want to bring up. Lucas: Exactly. And that's another mistake new managers make — they fill every second of the thirty minutes. Silence is okay. If you ask a question and they need a moment to think, wait. Don't rush to rephrase or fill the gap. Luna: What about taking notes? I've seen managers who type the whole time and it feels like an interrogation. Others who take no notes and forget everything. Lucas: I think a physical notebook is better than a laptop or phone. It's less distracting. And you can say, 'I want to make sure I capture what matters, so I'm going to jot down a few things.' That's transparent. But don't write down everything. Just key points and action items. Luna: There's also the question of how often to have these. Some managers default to weekly. Others do biweekly. What's right for a first one-on-one? Lucas: I'd recommend weekly for the first month. It builds momentum. After that, you can adjust based on the person's needs and seniority. But consistency is more important than frequency. If you schedule biweekly, stick to it. Don't cancel. That sends a terrible signal. Luna: Speaking of signals, what about the location? Should it always be in a private room? Or is a walk and talk okay? Lucas: For the first one, definitely private. You want to create a space where they feel safe to be honest. A coffee shop or a walk might feel too public, especially if the conversation gets sensitive. Later on, you can mix it up. But first impression: closed door, no interruptions. Luna: One thing I've seen new managers do is overprepare. They come with a printed agenda with fifteen bullet points and it feels like they're running a meeting, not having a conversation. Lucas: Yeah, that's a trap. You want to be prepared, but not scripted. Have three or four questions in your head. But listen more than you talk. If Priya brings up something unexpected, follow that thread. Don't force your agenda. Luna: I think a lot of new managers also worry about giving feedback in the first one-on-one. Should Jason give Priya any feedback in that first meeting? Lucas: I'd say no. The first one-on-one is about building the relationship, not about correcting behaviour. Save critical feedback for later, once you've established trust. But if there's something positive you've noticed, by all means say it. 'Hey, I saw your work on the XYZ project. That was really well done.' That's a great way to start. Luna: Alright, but let's say Jason fumbles the first one-on-one. He talks too much, he doesn't ask good questions, and Priya leaves feeling like it was a waste of time. Can he recover? Lucas: Absolutely. The next one-on-one, he can acknowledge it. He can say, 'I think I talked too much last time. I want to make sure this is your time. What's the most important thing for us to discuss today?' That honesty can actually build more trust than if he'd gotten it perfect the first time. Luna: I like that. It shows humility and a willingness to learn — which is exactly what you want from a manager. Lucas: One more thing. A lot of new managers forget to ask the most important question of all: 'How can I best support you?' It sounds simple, but it's incredibly powerful. It shifts the dynamic from 'I'm here to evaluate you' to 'I'm here to help you succeed.' Luna: And that's the foundation of a good one-on-one. If you get that right, everything else gets easier. Lucas: Absolutely. And if listeners are looking for more resources on topics like this, one way to support the show is through our listener support page. We keep the podcast ad-free, and listener contributions help us keep producing these episodes. You can find it at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, but if you've found value in episodes like this one, that's a great way to help. Luna: Yeah, it really does make a difference. Even a small contribution helps cover hosting costs and keeps the show going. Lucas: So to wrap up: first one-on-one, keep it simple. Start with a genuine personal check-in, ask about their work and their support needs, and end with a clear next step. Don't overthink it. And remember, your direct report is probably just as nervous as you are. Luna: Or more. Because they're wondering what kind of boss you're going to be. The first one-on-one is your chance to show them. Lucas: Exactly. So make it count. Next time, we'll talk about how to handle a direct report who doesn't want to open up — the quiet ones who just say 'everything's fine' every time you ask. Luna: Looking forward to that one. For now, good luck with those first one-on-ones.