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Monday Mini: The Benefits of Happy News · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this Sanny and Samantha and stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I never told your prediction of by Heart Radio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: And welcome to another Monday Minni, and this time since
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: my last one, and I think your last Mendy Mini
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: were a little bit like dreadful and probably some of
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: these episodes, a lot of these episodes are dread dreaded
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: news or things of things that are happening.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: We're gonna do good stuff. So I've mentioned it.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Previously, but I was so excited to see a ten
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: bit of good news from a friend of the show
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: and listener.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Susie Hi.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: I know you listens. Good to know you're still listening,
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: but you know, and she actually elaborated on it. I
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, I love it. In that episode. I
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: wanted to add some good things that were happening with me.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I was traveling and things turned out okay and things
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: are good.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: And I had.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Another wonderful conversation with a Zumba friend the other day
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: who was talking about all this new good things that
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: have been happening in her life, and I, as I
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: typically do, ask more and more questions about it because
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: that's what I do, That's what I'm known for. I
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: need to know give me the detail, let's talk about this.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: And towards the end of the conversation, she, like most
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: considerate and courteous people, made a comment about how she
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: was talking all about herself the whole time, and she
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: kind of felt bad, and she's like, I don't even know,
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: you know, I didn't even have a chance to hear
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: what's happening with you. My response was that having her
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: tell all the details of how things have been good,
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: have been in a good place for her helps me.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Helps me too. I get to share with her and
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: celebrate with her all the great things that are happening
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: in her life, and it reminds me that it's okay
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: to actually find joy in the small things and being
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: allowed to share in that joy with someone as a privilege.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: So of course we have to remind others you listener
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: as well. And it's not just me telling you this,
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: but we have to give you the proof, right, We're
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: here to give you some proof. And here's something from
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: rmc dot Rochester EEDU by J. McLaren Kelly, PhD. So,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: doctor Kelly, if you will, they wrote, when someone shares
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: good news with you, they typically seek your joining with
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: them in celebrating the event, extending the positive feelings derived
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: from the event itself. This process is known as capitalization.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: In a series of studies Gable, Reese and Impact and
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Asher So that was set in two thousand and four
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: found that capitalization was associated with greater positive emotion and
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: life satisfaction on the day when positive news was shared.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: This result remained significant even after accounting for other events
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: that day and the positive emotions derived from the event itself.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Sharing positive news with others support your well being beyond
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: the experience of the positive event itself, so it is scientific.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: On top of all of this, there is a deeper
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: conversation about how people react passive affirmation, I think, and
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: then like all these others, there's four So you could
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: have a negative reaction essentially in a positive reaction, and
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: it does says a lot about you and the type
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: of friendship you may have as to how you respond.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: So if there's a negative response, that might not be
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: a great friendship.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation.
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  Speaker 3: We're not gonna, we're not gonna, We're not gonna to
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: hone in on the negative part. We're sticking with the positives.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Any kind of like how I get to share your
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: love for the last of us watching it together, eating
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: foods in relation because you get so excited and I
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: get daily texts about I think this next episode is
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: gonna be above this.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. The names of these episodes are this.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love I might not respond always because I
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: don't know what to say to that, because I'm like cool, cool, cool,
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: but I love it.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: It does bring me joy as well.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Now that I've got a fancy car that plays aloud
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: or reads a louder text, it's even better when I'm
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: on the road hearing these texts which respond text obviously
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: I have to hear them. And a bit more information
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  Speaker 3: from Greater Good dot Berkeley dot du quote. They found
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: that those people who shared positive events with others felt
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  Speaker 3: more grateful in the moment and closer to the person
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  Speaker 3: with whom they shared the news. In addition, people with
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  Speaker 3: a tendency to share good news and receive enthusiastic responses
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  Speaker 3: were the most grateful in the group overall. So, for yeah,
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  Speaker 3: if you are one of those people who have good news,
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  Speaker 3: and I hope you have someone who receives them, because
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  Speaker 3: it works for you too.
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  Speaker 1: It helps for you too.
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  Speaker 3: Any Do you feel that way or do you feel
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  Speaker 3: like I just judge you.
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  Speaker 2: No, I think I think you're fantastic. I think the
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: judgment might be earned in the cases I get it.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: It's just it's just playful jabbing.
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  Speaker 2: It's nice when you have somebody that's like, it's nice
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: on both sides, if you are good friends with each
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  Speaker 2: other or whatever your relationship may be. It's nice when
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: someone tells you something good and you're like, oh, yes,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: And then it's nice on the other end to have
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: somebody tell you hey, that is yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Both of those things, so for all of us.
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  Speaker 3: And I think it's something that women often do, like
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  Speaker 3: the gossiping or like getting the good tea and all
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  Speaker 3: of that, and if it's good news, it's even better.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: And just receiving that and then not being negative. So
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  Speaker 3: if you if your tendency to be negative, to be like, oh,
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  Speaker 3: I hope it doesn't good, all bad, blah blah blah,
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  Speaker 3: try to try to dial it back because it helps
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: you too, to be able to celebrate with people and
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: they continue. Study co author Alexander Gray of Northeastern University
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  Speaker 3: says these findings suggest sharing good news is a way
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  Speaker 3: to enhance gratitude and reap the rewards of that. When
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: you share positive events with other people, you experience gratitude,
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  Speaker 3: says Gray. We know gratitude has its own benefits, like
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  Speaker 3: increase well being or increase relationship quality with the person
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: when you're interacting with strengthening your social bond with them.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we've seen this.
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  Speaker 3: We've seen like when you have some commonality, let's say
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  Speaker 3: you compliment each other's dress or whatever, whatnot, and or oh,
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  Speaker 3: I have something like that. You know, when you have
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  Speaker 3: that commonality and you get to joyfully come together with it,
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  Speaker 3: it brings a closer bond. It brings a fast friendship sometimes,
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: and you never knew how great that friendship was. Caroline Old,
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: co host of the show. We did this. We had
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: commonality with knowing certain people and then understanding that we
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: actually agreed on several issues, and we became became friends
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: really quickly, to the point that other people were jealous
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: of our friendship.
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  Speaker 1: Eat it. We're still friends.
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  Speaker 3: So here's some more information from psychology dot com. Quote
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  Speaker 3: your good news is no longer yours, It's no longer theirs.
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  Speaker 3: This kind of collective intimacy makes it possible for us
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  Speaker 3: to know that the breadth of what we are experiencing,
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  Speaker 3: the good and bad, is not just a reporting of
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: what is happening, but a reminder that though others may
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: not be physically with us, they are always co authors,
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  Speaker 3: shaping what we see and notice and appreciate in ways
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  Speaker 3: that can sustain us during the most difficult parts of
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: our experiences. And all our articles talk about this type
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  Speaker 3: of bond can really become something real, a true friendship.
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  Speaker 3: And from ink dot com, Jeff Hayden writes people are
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  Speaker 3: wired to share good news with those we care about,
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  Speaker 3: if only because the act fosters deeper connections, and he
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  Speaker 3: continues with the benefits of sharing good news. According to
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: the study, capitalizing on good fortune yields important interpersonal and
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  Speaker 3: interpersonal benefits. Telling others about positive events creates higher positive
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: effect and greater life satisfaction. Plus, the more people you tell,
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: the greater the benefits. Active and constructive responses from others
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  Speaker 3: as opposed to passive or destructive responses, yields increased benefits
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  Speaker 3: that go beyond the effects of sharing the news itself.
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  Speaker 3: In other words, the act of sharing is fun, but
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  Speaker 3: getting a great response makes it even more fun and finally,
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  Speaker 3: telling others about positive events make those events more memorable,
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  Speaker 3: if only because retelling an event gives you the opportunity
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  Speaker 3: to rehearse what you want to say quote I can't
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  Speaker 3: wait to tell Mary about this and then say what
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  Speaker 3: you want to say and add it all up and
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  Speaker 3: sharing good news makes you happier both now and in
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  Speaker 3: the future when you remember the positive event itself and
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  Speaker 3: how the people you care about responded to the news.
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  Speaker 3: I think it's important that we are able to face
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  Speaker 3: the daily battles, especially today, and we can't do that
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  Speaker 3: if we are bombarded with dread of or feeling so
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  Speaker 3: down that we are paralyzed. So we have to take
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  Speaker 3: the time to celebrate the good things. It works all obviously,
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: this conversation that we're having, obviously the studies that I've
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  Speaker 3: been had is important. And it's not just a religious thing,
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: because I think gratitude comes in association with like religion,
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  Speaker 3: a lot of the times, being grateful means that you
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  Speaker 3: owe something instead of understanding it can build something. So
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  Speaker 3: I want us to remember that. Make sure you're celebrating
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  Speaker 3: your good news with those around you, and also that
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  Speaker 3: you're receiving those good news because it's good that you
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  Speaker 3: listen and celebrate with people like that is Actually that's
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  Speaker 3: more fun for me when I get to like celebrate
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  Speaker 3: with you.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I love it. This is one of the favorite things.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: I love that Annie has all these loves because I
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: feel like I don't have enough, so I can basket
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: her love. Enjoy in these things that I might know
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: nothing about. Did I know anything about Star Wars before
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: I met her? No?
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Very little. Do I know way too much? Probably?
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Do I have a lot of Star Wars things that
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: I never knew I needed? Yes, yes, I do. People
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: think I love Star Wars because of you, and I'm
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: okay with that. So here's some more advice from Hayden
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  Speaker 3: that I think is something important for us to hear.
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  Speaker 3: When a friend or employee or colleague share good news,
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  Speaker 3: dive in, be enthusiastic, be proud, be happy for them.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: We should be easy because seeing a friend be happy
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: should make you feel happy.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: As for details, as.
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  Speaker 3: For long term implications, ask how and why and when,
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: give them a chance to bask in the moment. Not
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: only will that make them even happier, it will also
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  Speaker 3: make whatever happened more memorable. I think that's such a
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: great advice again for both of the things, you know,
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: be willing to share, be willing to hear both of
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  Speaker 3: those things, and it is important. It's not trivial. Like
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: when I was talking to my friend at Zoomba, she
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: really like she kind of was like trying to like hesitate.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, tell me more, tell me all
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  Speaker 3: of it. And it was beautiful. I think it's one
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  Speaker 3: of the things that builds us up.
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  Speaker 1: Like we are.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: We don't hang out outside of there, but hearing her
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  Speaker 3: talk about those good news really did obviously left an impression.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: It's a week, It's been a week since I've talked
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: to her, and I still think about this moment. We've
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: got a long road ahead, so do what you need
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: to focus on these battles, including resting when you need
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: to and celebrating what you can.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, absolutely, and listeners there if you're celebrating anything
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: we would love to hear from you, give me that. Yes,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: you can email us at Hello at stuff onever told
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: you dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky
• 11:30
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• 11:33
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• 11:35
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• 11:37
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• 11:39
  Speaker 2: always too our super producer Christina or executive prist My
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: and conturbor Joey.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening stuff never
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: told you.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Instruction of My Heart Radio.
• 11:47
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• 11:48
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