Latest / Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast / 30 | Should She Be Worried? Boyfriend Still Showers With His Daughter

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30 | Should She Be Worried? Boyfriend Still Showers With His Daughter · Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast

• 0:04
  Let's talk. Welcome back weirdos.
• 0:06
  It's episode 30. Welcome back or welcome to, but
• 0:09
  we're going to dive right into it.
• 0:10
  Thank you so much for attending. Also like and subscribe if
• 0:13
  you're here. I'm going to get right into it
• 0:15
  with our weekly story submission.
• 0:17
  This one was titled Narcissist. Get into it.
• 0:21
  She said. How do you move forward when a
• 0:24
  relationship with a parent has been so painful?
• 0:28
  I am a Nigerian woman who was born and raised partly in
• 0:31
  Nigeria and later in Canada. I grew up in a very traditional
• 0:35
  household where there was a clear difference in how boys and
• 0:38
  girls were treated. My brothers were often allowed
• 0:40
  to do many things without consequences, but whenever my
• 0:43
  sisters or I even made small mistakes, we were punished or
• 0:47
  treated very harshly. Because of this, growing up was
• 0:50
  very difficult for us and it made us feel like we were never
• 0:53
  good enough. About 18 years ago, my mother
• 0:56
  brought us to Canada. We were young at the time and we
• 0:58
  believe that moving here would give us a better life and a
• 1:01
  fresh start. Instead, things continue to be
• 1:04
  very difficult at home. Since coming to Canada, my
• 1:07
  mother has often treated my sisters and me like outsiders
• 1:10
  rather than her own children. It felt like no matter what I
• 1:13
  did, it was never good enough for her.
• 1:15
  Because of the way we were raised and how we were treated,
• 1:18
  I grew up feeling very scared and unsure of myself.
• 1:21
  I was always worried about doing something wrong or making my
• 1:23
  mother angry. That fear stayed with me for
• 1:26
  many years and affected my confidence and mental health.
• 1:30
  In our culture, we were taught that children must always take
• 1:33
  care of their parents when they became older.
• 1:35
  My sisters and I understood and respected that value.
• 1:39
  Even with all the difficulties, we still try to support our
• 1:41
  mother whenever we could. Whenever we had money, we would
• 1:44
  give her some to help her. We also tried to be there for
• 1:47
  her and show respect. However, no matter how much we
• 1:50
  tried, she would always say it was too small and that we didn't
• 1:53
  care about her. She often said things like after
• 1:57
  I brought you people to Canada, you people, this is how you want
• 2:02
  to treat me. Or if I had known you would
• 2:04
  behave like this, I would have never brought you here.
• 2:06
  Oh. Man, she calls us selfish.
• 2:09
  And wicked and says that we don't appreciate her sacrifices.
• 2:12
  Hearing those words again and again has been very painful for
• 2:16
  us. Over time, the emotional stress
• 2:18
  became too much. The constant criticism, guilt,
• 2:21
  and feeling like we would never appreciate it started to affect
• 2:24
  our mental health very badly. We felt like we were losing our
• 2:27
  peace and our happiness. Eventually, my sister and I made
• 2:30
  the very difficult decision to leave home and cut off contact
• 2:33
  with our mother for the sake of our mental health.
• 2:36
  We blocked communication because we need a space to heal and find
• 2:39
  some peace. Even after we left, she
• 2:42
  continues to tell people that we are wicked children who hate our
• 2:45
  mother and refuse to take care of her.
• 2:48
  This hurts us deeply because it's not the truth.
• 2:51
  We never hated our mother. We simply reached a point where
• 2:54
  we can no longer continue living in a situation that was damaging
• 2:57
  our mental health and well-being.
• 2:59
  Now we are left feeling confused, guilty, and
• 3:02
  heartbroken. Part of us feels like we're
• 3:04
  failing as daughters because we know our culture teaches us to
• 3:07
  always take care of our parents. At the same time, we know that
• 3:11
  the situation we are in is unhealthy and painful for us.
• 3:15
  We are trying to rebuild our lives and heal, but it's
• 3:17
  difficult carrying this guilt and emotional pain right now.
• 3:22
  We feel lost and overwhelmed, and we don't know what it what
• 3:24
  the right thing is to do. We're trying our best to move
• 3:27
  forward, protect our mental health, and still find a way to
• 3:29
  deal with this situation with respect and understanding.
• 3:33
  So, she asks, how do you move forward when a relationship with
• 3:35
  a parent has become so painful? Jeez.
• 3:39
  Well, let me start by saying thank you so much for writing
• 3:41
  in. Thank you and for trusting us
• 3:43
  with your question. I think you're doing all the
• 3:46
  right things for your own mental health.
• 3:49
  I mean, guilt will be there because how you were raised is
• 3:55
  so deeply ingrained in you that no matter what your parents do
• 3:59
  or say or how they make you feel, you have to stick it in
• 4:04
  and, you know, give them money and still come even though to
• 4:07
  your face they tell you that you are wicked and a disappointment.
• 4:11
  And so, I mean, if the guilt is going to be there, I don't know
• 4:16
  what you can do other than just give it time, maybe some therapy
• 4:20
  to be able to work through those things and disconnect that you
• 4:24
  know the stuff from your childhood.
• 4:27
  But you're doing all the right things.
• 4:29
  I agree, I definitely agree and I'm glad that you do still have
• 4:33
  your sister there with you to help and support you.
• 4:36
  You guys are not doing it alone, but it still sucks when the
• 4:39
  person that you love the most doesn't really treat you as such
• 4:44
  or equal in a, in a, in a way. So you don't deserve that.
• 4:48
  And I hope you know that you don't deserve that.
• 4:50
  Seems like you do, which I'm glad that you're picking your
• 4:52
  mental health and your sister is as well.
• 4:55
  But yeah, I think you guys are already on the path towards
• 4:58
  where you're supposed to be going.
• 4:59
  And yeah. 'Cause you can't stop mom from
• 5:02
  doing what she's going to do. And of course you just gave her
• 5:05
  the reason, the perfect reason to tell everybody else that Oh
• 5:07
  my God my children are so wicked when really y'all just chose
• 5:11
  yourself and that's not a horrible.
• 5:14
  Thing it's not a crime, but yeah, if anyone who's watching
• 5:19
  or listening wants to give advice in the comments, be nice,
• 5:21
  be gentle, but yeah, thank you so much for submitting that and
• 5:25
  I hope our words and I hope the words in the comments are able
• 5:29
  to provide some light on next steps.
• 5:31
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 5:33
  You got this. You got this.
• 5:34
  You're doing good. Yeah.
• 5:35
  Am I overreacting about my boyfriend still showering with
• 5:39
  his nine year old? Daughter, pause.
• 5:44
  What? Yeah.
• 5:46
  So I'm just going to hold this as you continue.
• 5:48
  Go ahead. OK I 42 female have been dating
• 5:53
  my boyfriend, 38 male for over 2 years.
• 5:56
  I have two boys ages 16 and 13 and he has three kids, two boys
• 6:02
  ages 13 and 11 and a daughter who was nine when we first
• 6:05
  started dating. His daughter slept with him and
• 6:08
  his boys shared a room. I assumed it was a space issue
• 6:12
  plus she was seven. I didn't think much of it.
• 6:16
  A couple months in I'd be at his place during the kids bedtime
• 6:19
  and he'd say the kids have to shower before bed.
• 6:22
  OK, normal. So I'd hear him run the shower
• 6:26
  for his daughter. He'd say I have to hop in there
• 6:28
  with her. I thought it was a bit weird but
• 6:33
  again, she's seven. I didn't say anything about it.
• 6:36
  After showering he tuck her into his bed.
• 6:39
  So nighttime intimacy was pretty lacking for us.
• 6:42
  We'd often just fall asleep on the couch until his daughter
• 6:45
  called him to bed. Often I'd just send a text
• 6:48
  letting him know I was heading home.
• 6:50
  A year later and he moves to a new place with a room for each
• 6:53
  of his kids. Great.
• 6:54
  Some privacy. Still.
• 6:57
  His daughter sleeps with him. He says she was getting used to
• 7:00
  the new home. I understood.
• 7:03
  And still he's showering with her.
• 7:06
  Bad. This looks bad.
• 7:08
  This looks so bad. The mother is in the picture.
• 7:12
  They have split custody. One week with dad, one week with
• 7:15
  mom. Fast forward to now, his
• 7:17
  daughter will be 10 in June and still they sleep and shower
• 7:21
  together. Nope.
• 7:23
  Now I could understand a bit if she had special needs, but she
• 7:26
  does not. After the kids are in bed for
• 7:29
  the night, we'll start getting intimate and want to move to his
• 7:32
  bedroom, but when we do, she's in there.
• 7:35
  Oh my God. He refuses to tell her to move
• 7:37
  back to her bedroom. If we go back to the couch, his
• 7:40
  daughter will call him to bed and he goes, leaving me on the
• 7:43
  couch alone for the night. He's told me to come to bed.
• 7:46
  It's OK, but it doesn't feel OK to me.
• 7:50
  Still I try to understand that. I don't.
• 7:54
  I wouldn't have but. OK, last time I was there he
• 7:57
  said she was jumping in the shower and he wouldn't be long.
• 8:00
  Finally I said she's 9 she shouldn't be showering with you.
• 8:04
  He said she yells for me if I don't and disturbs the boys.
• 8:08
  I told him they'd be OK, let her have her tantrum and at 9 she
• 8:12
  shouldn't be throwing tantrums anyway.
• 8:14
  Thank you. Don't give in, it's time to stop
• 8:17
  running whenever she yells and a dad showering with his almost 10
• 8:20
  year old daughter is not OK. He told me that's how he parents
• 8:24
  and he's not changing that until she's ready.
• 8:27
  I told him I'm not being a part of this dynamic anymore, that
• 8:30
  it's inappropriate and I left. Since then he's been messaging
• 8:34
  me, asking me to come over to talk and asking me to accept and
• 8:38
  understand his parenting, but he asked me not to talk about it
• 8:42
  with anyone. So you know this is wrong.
• 8:46
  So you know this looks. Wrong.
• 8:48
  And she said so. I haven't yet, which leads me
• 8:52
  here. I need to vent.
• 8:54
  Something else to note, the daughter and I spend time
• 8:56
  together doing our nails and hair drawing, watching Princess
• 8:59
  movies, going for walks, skating.
• 9:01
  I've even taken her for a girls day including a Manny Petty for
• 9:04
  lunch for her birthday. It's nice seeing as I have boys
• 9:08
  and we never did those girly things.
• 9:09
  She always hugs me goodnight and seems to like me around so that
• 9:13
  doesn't seem to be an issue. I've even watched the kids a few
• 9:16
  nights when he's been called to work.
• 9:18
  When I do, she sleeps in showers just fine on her own.
• 9:22
  I'm just kind of done with the weirdness.
• 9:24
  There are steps I'm thinking of making, starting with the mom,
• 9:28
  but I don't know if it's the right thing to do Am I
• 9:30
  overreacting? No, no, no, no, no, no no no.
• 9:33
  Sorry, let me put this down. No, I don't think you're
• 9:36
  overreacting. The part at the end where she
• 9:40
  said that she showers and goes through things normally when the
• 9:43
  dad isn't around is the key part in this story because I think
• 9:49
  that maybe she's like my dad needs to shower with me instead
• 9:54
  of her being like I need to shower with my.
• 9:56
  Dad, yes, yes. Like he has made it so this is
• 9:59
  normal. This is what daddies and
• 10:01
  daughters do. And so she's like, OK, Dad, come
• 10:04
  on, it's time for shower, right? No, no, this is not OK.
• 10:09
  It looks wrong. From the.
• 10:12
  Wrong. It's not OK.
• 10:14
  Best case scenario, he is not doing anything inappropriate to
• 10:18
  her, physically to her. This is still wrong.
• 10:21
  It's still. Inappropriate.
• 10:22
  She you. Are a grown man and this is a
• 10:25
  child and you should not be in the shower together.
• 10:27
  Exactly. And if it's so normal, why
• 10:29
  aren't you showering with yourself, with your boys?
• 10:31
  Which would still be wrong, mind you, but.
• 10:34
  No. No, it's just just your.
• 10:36
  Daughter. This feels wrong.
• 10:39
  Y'all this is wrong so. Wrong and she asked if she
• 10:46
  should start with the mom. I think you should have been
• 10:48
  talk to the mom. Absolutely because I wouldn't.
• 10:50
  I wouldn't be surprised if she does not know because if when he
• 10:54
  is not there and you're watching the kids, she showers and sleeps
• 10:57
  just fine. She probably showers and sleeps
• 10:59
  just fine at home too. And if he's presented this as
• 11:02
  being normal, she might not have even said anything to mom.
• 11:06
  So there's a chance mom does not even know.
• 11:10
  I don't like this, and the fact that he doesn't want her to
• 11:13
  share this with anyone else is the fact that he knows that this
• 11:16
  is sketchy and that this is wrong and that this isn't
• 11:19
  normal, even though you're trying to make it seem like it
• 11:21
  is. Within this household, no.
• 11:23
  You're saying don't tell anybody.
• 11:24
  Why, if it's perfectly normal, I should be able to tell
• 11:28
  everybody? Everybody.
• 11:30
  You have no shame, right? This is wrong and she's reaching
• 11:35
  that age where things start happening to a woman's body and
• 11:40
  this is getting going to get really, really inappropriate.
• 11:43
  It already is, but like we're reaching the end y'all.
• 11:46
  So I yes talk to her mom and she.
• 11:49
  Needs to bring mom into the loop here.
• 11:51
  And if mom is like, yeah, this is normal, this is how we
• 11:54
  parented and this and that. If the case is that, then you
• 11:58
  need to go somewhere else. You need CPS as a thing.
• 12:00
  I'm sorry, but no, no, there should not be a little girl in
• 12:04
  the shower with a grown man. Absolutely.
• 12:05
  Not period. It's wrong.
• 12:08
  So so. You are not overreacting.
• 12:11
  Yeah. You are not the.
• 12:12
  Asshole, what is it AIO? You are not overreacting.
• 12:15
  You need to do something. Please Lord you.
• 12:19
  Came with a heavy hitter on that one, huh?
• 12:21
  Yes, I'm sweating. I know.
• 12:24
  I had to carry that red flag the whole time 'cause I was like,
• 12:26
  the whole thing was a red flag. It was a red.
• 12:28
  Flag. That's wrong.
• 12:32
  Now moving on to a green flag, let me pull out my green flag
• 12:34
  because we do have green flags y'all.
• 12:35
  We just use our red flags more often.
• 12:37
  So off to a green flag with a person.
• 12:40
  So there was a man, a Japanese man.
• 12:43
  So last year he made $80,000 doing absolutely nothing.
• 12:47
  And that was the title of the article.
• 12:49
  If you can go to my screen please.
• 12:51
  The man on my screen, he is Shoji Morimoto, and he basically
• 12:55
  loans himself out to strangers and does whatever.
• 12:59
  If they're looking for company, everything but sex, don't go
• 13:02
  there. Yeah, let's, let's.
• 13:04
  Dirty. Mind don't do that he does
• 13:06
  everything but sex and he just. Companionship.
• 13:09
  Yeah, companionship. He a.
• 13:10
  Couple of the tasks that he did, he waited at the end of a
• 13:13
  marathon for the runner at the finish line.
• 13:16
  Super sweet. He was there when someone wanted
• 13:18
  to serve divorce papers to their to their partner.
• 13:22
  He was on a video call while someone was like cleaning their
• 13:25
  room. He's literally there to just
• 13:27
  support you, just to be a friend.
• 13:28
  Yeah, and. He made it very like very
• 13:31
  strict. He's not a therapist so he
• 13:34
  doesn't offer advice or anything.
• 13:35
  He just listens to you, nods. He's there for support and it's
• 13:39
  completely harmless. I actually.
• 13:41
  Love this. I love it because I I wasn't
• 13:44
  aware because I have a really big family.
• 13:47
  How lonely people are out there. Until Covic hit and you got to
• 13:52
  see how people went a whole year without ever being touched,
• 13:56
  without ever getting a hug. They had nobody to talk to
• 13:59
  because there's nobody in their house and they couldn't go to
• 14:01
  work and just have that natural interaction.
• 14:03
  And so if people are so desperate for companionship that
• 14:07
  they're paying a stranger to be at the finish line of a race
• 14:10
  because you work really hard for this race.
• 14:12
  Yeah. And there's nobody at the finish
• 14:13
  line cheering me on or holding my hand as I serve divorce
• 14:17
  papers. Yeah.
• 14:19
  You know, I saw the. Just be able to go to a coffee
• 14:23
  shop and just have somebody sit with you.
• 14:25
  Yeah. Or if you have to go to a
• 14:26
  networking event and you just like, oh, I don't want to show
• 14:28
  it by myself. Exactly.
• 14:30
  And we kind of take it for granted if you have friends or
• 14:32
  family to do that with you. Yeah.
• 14:34
  So I'm not mad at this. I'm not.
• 14:36
  Mad at all? I think it's he's.
• 14:38
  Doing a service for people? Exactly.
• 14:39
  And he another thing, he allows the person to determine how much
• 14:43
  they want to pay him. It's not even about like mostly
• 14:46
  profit. It's not even about that.
• 14:47
  He's like, you determined you can pay me a dollar if you want
• 14:50
  for my time. It's not about that.
• 14:52
  He's like, I'm just here to have fun.
• 14:54
  I'm here to beef people and have.
• 14:56
  Experienced it, yeah. And I love this guy.
• 14:59
  He's amazing. He's so.
• 15:00
  Sweet and even just saying you pay whatever you want.
• 15:03
  He still made 80 grand still. Because well, that shows you how
• 15:07
  many people need this service, how many people are that lonely.
• 15:11
  But also it's, they mentioned it wasn't just about the
• 15:15
  loneliness. It was about some people who
• 15:16
  have like social anxiety. They might have friends, but
• 15:19
  they might not feel comfortable asking those friends do certain
• 15:22
  things with them. So it's just like you need a
• 15:26
  person, he's your person. It's.
• 15:28
  Beautiful. So it's.
• 15:29
  Really sweet. And I think it's harmless.
• 15:31
  Yeah, yeah. And I just love that he does
• 15:33
  that. Yeah, start out cut.
• 15:35
  Didn't he lose a job because they said he sat around and did
• 15:38
  nothing? And he's like, okay, I'm gonna
• 15:39
  turn that into business. And now he's getting paid to do
• 15:43
  nothing. So now what?
• 15:45
  Now what? But yeah, I just was wondering
• 15:48
  like if y'all like had the service, would you be this guy?
• 15:50
  Would you offer yourself up or like, what would you ask him to
• 15:53
  do if you were a client? Like I'm just so curious
• 15:57
  because. Seriously, because we have
• 15:58
  community and I'm very, very curious.
• 16:01
  It's a judgement free zone. Like I really am curious what
• 16:04
  kind of things that you would do with your rent a friend.
• 16:08
  Oh my gosh. I'd probably rent.
• 16:10
  I'd probably rent a friend to talk about like a book that I'm
• 16:13
  super into that no one else around me is like reading or ATV
• 16:16
  show or whatever because I'm dying to talk about it.
• 16:19
  That part, yeah, just listen to me rant.
• 16:22
  Oh my God. Because I have these niche
• 16:23
  interests and I'm like, I'm, I'm not going to talk my husband's
• 16:26
  that ear off anymore. No, I need to find somebody to
• 16:29
  talk to you about this. So.
• 16:31
  He's there for you. Absolutely.
• 16:34
  Thank you. So sweet.
• 16:35
  Yeah. Super harmless.
• 16:38
  OK so this one I need a little help with if you don't mind
• 16:41
  going to my screen. You may have seen this, but this
• 16:45
  gentleman here has been working on getting Louis Vuitton tattoos
• 16:49
  all over his body and they just finished the glasses.
• 16:54
  Dude, I swear. LV glasses all over his face.
• 17:03
  You're joking. Amazing.
• 17:05
  It's just gonna keep replaying. I'm mad he.
• 17:07
  Got the thick rim glasses this rim.
• 17:09
  That's what I'm saying. And this, this is the problem.
• 17:12
  And I say problem. I try.
• 17:13
  I'm not here to judge, OK? I'm not trying to yuck your Yum.
• 17:17
  OK, but what about when the glasses change?
• 17:21
  When the fashion of glasses change?
• 17:23
  Remember in 2008 they're all Oval and they were like this
• 17:27
  big. Could you imagine having that on
• 17:28
  your face forever? He's got to get.
• 17:30
  Like the removal and then get the.
• 17:38
  Doing it with conviction, y'all he?
• 17:40
  Is he got the beard? Tattooed on there he's got.
• 17:43
  It LV logo what happens when LV hits him with a season desist?
• 17:48
  I was. Just wondering the copyright
• 17:50
  infringement they they would have to.
• 17:52
  Right, they would have. To I don't know.
• 17:53
  I don't, I don't know. No, he's not.
• 17:55
  Making money off of this I have. No idea and I want to shout out
• 17:58
  who posted it. It's at Landon Red Ink.
• 18:01
  He's the tattoo artist and so I'm not sure who the his client
• 18:06
  is, but he's been working on him for a while.
• 18:08
  Just he had the headband first and that's he went viral last
• 18:13
  year when they put the headband on and so now he's got the
• 18:16
  glasses that's. That's crazy, bro, that's crazy.
• 18:21
  Showing some love for the brand. That's wild.
• 18:23
  That's wild, that is. Wild.
• 18:25
  So yeah, we just wanted to talk about him for a second.
• 18:32
  I don't want to judge, but like internally I'm like because.
• 18:34
  I mean, yes, thick rims are in right now, right?
• 18:37
  Now what happens in five? Years he out of luck.
• 18:40
  And the headband, bro, the headband be for real, be for
• 18:44
  real he. Is happy with his and if you
• 18:47
  like it I love it. Good for you.
• 18:49
  Shout out. To you bro.
• 18:51
  All right, I have. A second Reddit.
• 18:53
  Here it is today. I effed up by accidentally
• 18:56
  becoming the other woman and falling naked in front of his
• 18:59
  girlfriend. OK.
• 19:02
  Yeah, I had to process that first.
• 19:03
  Yeah. You ready?
• 19:04
  All right. I'm ready.
• 19:06
  So I 23. Female match with this guy Ryan,
• 19:09
  26, male on Hinge. Normal, nothing weird.
• 19:13
  We talked for a few days. He's funny, a little flirty, not
• 19:16
  over the top. He invites me over and I
• 19:18
  hesitate for two seconds. Then I say yes because I make
• 19:21
  great decisions. Clearly, yes.
• 19:25
  I get there. His place is clean, smells nice,
• 19:27
  no obvious red flags. We're talking, laughing.
• 19:30
  One thing leads to another and we end up in his bed.
• 19:33
  At this point I'm fully under the impression this man is
• 19:36
  single, like nothing about him screamed otherwise.
• 19:39
  Fast forward a bit and we're just there, tangled up, talking
• 19:42
  nonsense. I'm half under the blanket, life
• 19:44
  is whatever. Then I hear the front door open.
• 19:47
  Not a knock, not a hey I'm here text, just keys unlocking.
• 19:52
  My stomach drops. I look at him and go are you
• 19:55
  expecting someone? And then his face just drains
• 19:57
  and he goes wait. Wait wait before I can process.
• 20:04
  This. A girl walks into the room and
• 20:06
  just stops and looks at both of us and then time literally
• 20:09
  pauses. I'm sitting.
• 20:11
  There, barely covered, he looks like he's about to evaporate.
• 20:15
  And she just goes, Who's this? Just like who's this girl?
• 20:21
  I panic. Instantly and start scrambling
• 20:23
  to get up because I want out, right?
• 20:25
  Grabbing the sheet, trying to wrap myself like in some
• 20:27
  emergency burrito. He's just talking, saying both
• 20:30
  of our names like that's going to fix anything, babe.
• 20:32
  Wait, I can explain babe news to me, right?
• 20:38
  I'm trying to get. Out the bed fast and my foot
• 20:40
  gets fully caught in the sheet and instead of leaving like some
• 20:43
  moral person I just fall face first completely naked on the
• 20:46
  floor, dead. Silence.
• 20:49
  I actually want to. Disappear.
• 20:51
  The girl stares at me for a second and goes, are you OK?
• 20:54
  She's actually kind of a. Girls, girl, exactly which
• 20:57
  somehow. Makes it worse because like, why
• 20:59
  are you being so nice? She literally.
• 21:02
  Helps me up. I can't even look at her.
• 21:04
  I'm clutching the sheet for dear life.
• 21:06
  He's still in the background saying it's not what it looks
• 21:08
  like, which is insane because it's exactly what it looks like.
• 21:12
  You both are naked. Please, I just keep saying.
• 21:18
  I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know, I swear like a
• 21:21
  broken NPC, and she just nods like she believes me more than
• 21:24
  him. Which, fair.
• 21:26
  I grab my clothes as fast as possible, still half wrapped in
• 21:29
  the sheet because my coordination has left the chat.
• 21:32
  I leave without properly. Getting dressed, just survival
• 21:34
  mode. He texts me later with a whole
• 21:36
  paragraph apology. I blocked him immediately but I
• 21:40
  still remember the exact moment I ate the floor in front of his
• 21:42
  girlfriend and feel my soul leave my body all over again.
• 21:45
  Oh my God. How embarrassing.
• 21:49
  God I just keep thinking what if this girlfriend was trying to
• 21:53
  kick her ass while all of this was happening and she naked now?
• 21:56
  You got to squab and you like, no I.
• 21:58
  Got nothing. No, I got nothing on.
• 22:00
  I'm just flopping everywhere. Absolutely not.
• 22:04
  You better do what you got to do and.
• 22:06
  In the midst of it, say I didn't know we got to.
• 22:09
  Fight. We got to fight, we got to
• 22:10
  fight, but thankfully she was just, well, first of all, she
• 22:16
  knows who she's with clearly, because she didn't really.
• 22:19
  React just saying who's this? Of the long string of who's
• 22:22
  this, you know, so way, way to go for her for not immediately
• 22:28
  blaming the woman, right? But also get up out of there.
• 22:30
  Get out of there. This man ain't it gross.
• 22:34
  On hinge so. He was on Hinge with a
• 22:36
  girlfriend, Yeah. Red flag and red flag that there
• 22:40
  was no obvious signs around his place that he had a girlfriend.
• 22:43
  Did you clean up before she got there or what?
• 22:45
  Maybe. Right.
• 22:46
  I have questions. Or maybe she hadn't been in the
• 22:47
  bathroom because there's always, always you're going to see, you
• 22:50
  know, if there's a woman there. Maybe she doesn't live there.
• 22:53
  She has a key maybe, and she just has like, a drawer in there
• 22:58
  or something. Yeah, I need more information.
• 23:00
  But don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
• 23:01
  I know you. Blocked them.
• 23:02
  Move on, girl. Yeah.
• 23:03
  Move on to the next. I know that was a good one.
• 23:11
  So back to our story times, if you don't mind going to my
• 23:14
  screen. So Florida man, oh good Lord,
• 23:19
  risks his body to protect his car during a hailstorm.
• 23:22
  He's look at his feet, look at his feet.
• 23:25
  His little feet are flapping away.
• 23:28
  He's missing the he's missing the windshield.
• 23:30
  There's so much glass. There's so much glass.
• 23:34
  But apparently he was really focused on his sunroof because
• 23:38
  that's on the top. I think that probably would have
• 23:40
  broken first. But still, his first interface
• 23:44
  was to wrap himself in a tarp, run outside and jump on his car
• 23:49
  to try to protect it. He's trying so hard.
• 23:51
  So hard. And we shouldn't laugh.
• 23:55
  Because it's like the worst. Day of his life.
• 23:57
  I'm a laugh that is so hilarious.
• 23:59
  It's such a Florida Man thing to do.
• 24:03
  I keep laughing about his. Feet.
• 24:05
  Because what are they doing? So this is in Palm Beach, FL.
• 24:12
  I have no idea who this man is but his roommate, his neighbor
• 24:16
  did and got some great footage for us.
• 24:17
  My God. Oh my God, I hope his car is
• 24:22
  intact, you know, I hope. It worked after all this work
• 24:25
  because you know he's sweating in there because he's all
• 24:27
  wrapped up in this cart. He's getting rained on.
• 24:30
  His shoes are soaked. I really do hope that he helped
• 24:34
  protect his car. You too.
• 24:36
  Bro Florida man, you got this bro.
• 24:38
  I love the commitment. Thank you.
• 24:41
  Well, I have another story time as well.
• 24:44
  Let's do it. So.
• 24:46
  I'm going to read straight from the article because the first
• 24:49
  paragraph was phenomenal, so I said quote A.
• 24:53
  Massive. 12 ton shipment of Nestle's Crunch Kit Kat.
• 24:57
  Bars was stolen. In a chocolatey heist that
• 24:59
  risked causing a shortage in stores right before Easter.
• 25:04
  A heist of 12 tons of Kit Kat chocolate and.
• 25:11
  I don't know what we're doing. Why are we why are we doing Kit
• 25:13
  Kats? I mean bangers.
• 25:15
  If you don't like Kit Kats, I don't trust you.
• 25:17
  But what are we doing? You know what I mean?
• 25:19
  The thing about this? That made me laugh.
• 25:21
  Is like if it were drugs. You have a small amount that's
• 25:24
  for personal use, a big amount you have intent to distribute,
• 25:27
  right? What are you doing with 12 tons
• 25:30
  of chocolate bars? They go, it's right before
• 25:33
  Easter. They got to get on like.
• 25:35
  Like are you? Going to sell it.
• 25:36
  I don't understand what you doing.
• 25:38
  Yes, they were like mid. Transport.
• 25:40
  They were going from what, the factory in central Italy all the
• 25:43
  way to Poland in which they were gonna distribute the chocolate
• 25:46
  to stores cuz rice. For Easter, right?
• 25:50
  But they said. No, and they decided to steal
• 25:53
  the 12 tons. So not everybody outlook, all
• 25:55
  the kids are like the Easter Bunny didn't come this year.
• 25:58
  And everybody out of luck. But the funny part about this
• 26:01
  was actually there's two parts, but the spokesperson came out
• 26:04
  for Nestle and had a statement, and I think his statement was
• 26:07
  full lawless, he said Nestle. Nestle.
• 26:10
  Really. Yeah, Nestle and he said.
• 26:13
  I've been saying Nestle the whole time, not even going to
• 26:14
  lie. That's so funny.
• 26:18
  I've never heard it say it out. Loud before.
• 26:21
  We'll see. You are a reader.
• 26:23
  I never fault somebody for how they pronounce something 'cause
• 26:26
  you read it. It's Nestle says.
• 26:28
  Who? Says Nestle.
• 26:30
  No, no. Nestle.
• 26:40
  I was sitting here, I'm like, do I correct her right now?
• 26:43
  I don't know. Let's start a movement, y'all.
• 26:45
  It's called. Nestle, Now the spokesperson for
• 26:48
  Nestle says, well, we're always encouraging people to have a
• 26:52
  break with Kit Kat, but it seems thieves have taken the message
• 26:56
  too literally and made a break with more than 12 tons of our
• 26:59
  chocolate. Wonderful, fantastic.
• 27:04
  That's how you do it. I know it's probably really
• 27:06
  serious, but he said it's all right, it's fine.
• 27:09
  That's a lot of. Money if you think a lot of
• 27:11
  money and the. Other funny part is apparently
• 27:13
  there's like a black market for chocolate, right?
• 27:15
  Look out of here. Are you kidding?
• 27:16
  Me so. They're selling it under the
• 27:18
  table and they, they made sure to tell all their employees to
• 27:21
  scan them because it'll like come up as stolen chocolate or
• 27:24
  whatever. But they're selling it under
• 27:26
  like in a secret market, right? And that's what they're going to
• 27:28
  do with all the chocolate. I don't understand.
• 27:30
  Though it is chocolate that expensive that you need a black
• 27:34
  market for chocolate. Sling it, you know.
• 27:37
  Go to the store. It's like $1.50 get you a candy
• 27:40
  bar. I don't know what you're saying.
• 27:41
  Serious stuff. Get it right from the source.
• 27:43
  Sell it on the. Black.
• 27:44
  Market in the European black market basically, right?
• 27:48
  And then you got your. So they want you to.
• 27:50
  Scan it so you know it came from the from the heist.
• 27:52
  From the Heist. Like what are we doing?
• 27:55
  The world's not real. Why are we still in total tons
• 27:57
  of kit Kats? Like I don't understand that's.
• 28:01
  So funny. Am I the asshole for stopping
• 28:05
  all communication with my brother after he sued our mom?
• 28:12
  My 31 female brother, 35 male, just came back from Germany
• 28:16
  where he was supposed to get his master's degree.
• 28:19
  He ended up dropping out of the program after several months and
• 28:22
  instead found a wife. In order to get his new wife
• 28:25
  back to the US, my mom had to sign an affidavit agreeing to
• 28:28
  support them. She's done this before for other
• 28:31
  relatives and offered to let them live at her house rent free
• 28:35
  while they figured things out. Here's the kicker, when they got
• 28:39
  to her house, my brother started demanding 1/3 of my mom's total
• 28:43
  savings, saying he deserved it and that it wasn't her money to
• 28:46
  begin with. She receives monthly alimony
• 28:49
  from our father, her ex, on top of working a full time job.
• 28:53
  He says that it's her job to support her kids and that he can
• 28:57
  do way more with that money than she ever could.
• 29:00
  Whoa. When she.
• 29:01
  Refused his request, my brother filed a suit based on the
• 29:05
  affidavit my mom signed to allow his wife to move there.
• 29:09
  Apparently as part of the agreement, my mom is on the hook
• 29:11
  for paying them monthly for support.
• 29:15
  So now not only are they living at her house rent free, but she
• 29:18
  has to pay them monthly. You're joking.
• 29:22
  Some. Background This is actually the
• 29:24
  second time my brother has attempted and threatened to sue
• 29:27
  my mom. He claims that my mom shouldn't
• 29:29
  get all of the alimony money and should split it between the
• 29:32
  three of us because we were abused by my father, but my mom
• 29:36
  chose to stay. My mom had to give him around
• 29:41
  $20,000 so he could live in Germany while in school, which
• 29:44
  she has never asked for back. He is currently working
• 29:48
  independently on developing a game, no backers or income, and
• 29:51
  refuses to hold any other job. He even convinced his wife to
• 29:55
  hold off on working to help him as well.
• 29:58
  My mom isn't financially struggling by any means, she has
• 30:01
  a house and can pay her bills, but it's not like she's living
• 30:04
  in luxury. After I found out my brother was
• 30:07
  suing for this money, I tried calling him and his wife
• 30:09
  incessantly and texting but they refused to answer.
• 30:12
  I live 2 states away. Needless to say my text turned
• 30:16
  nasty and I told him he wasn't my brother anymore and I would
• 30:19
  never forgive him. Now that some time has passed my
• 30:22
  mom is backtracking and saying my brother just went about it
• 30:25
  the wrong way and it wasn't as bad as I'm making out to be but
• 30:29
  I'm still furious. I do regret dragging his wife
• 30:32
  into my texts and calls, but she's been fully behind him this
• 30:35
  entire time. My mom makes it sound like I'm
• 30:37
  the one being dramatic for not wanting to deal with my brother
• 30:40
  anymore, but I'm beyond fed up with how he treats her.
• 30:43
  So am I the asshole for cutting him out of my life?
• 30:46
  No, I don't think. So and I need the mom to stand
• 30:50
  up. She needs to stand up.
• 30:53
  You can't keep accepting. His bad behavior towards
• 30:55
  yourself, you are worth more than that.
• 30:57
  Yes, she has to know that she has a track record.
• 31:00
  As we can see, and this is this is really tough because I can
• 31:05
  understand why the brother is upset with mom and I know it's
• 31:09
  like these things happened, you didn't protect me, whatever
• 31:13
  those things need to be worked out.
• 31:14
  But this is not the way. This is not the.
• 31:17
  Way. No, you're not.
• 31:18
  Going to keep stealing money from your mother and be like I
• 31:21
  owe it forever because of these things.
• 31:24
  No, no communication, therapy, things that are just always so
• 31:29
  like people get the. Ick when these things are.
• 31:32
  Mentioned it's, but they. Need to happen.
• 31:35
  Because they prevent situations like this.
• 31:37
  They prevent like your emotions coming out and bursts and you
• 31:40
  doing dumb things when you can just talk with your family about
• 31:44
  certain things. You know what I mean?
• 31:46
  Now you're suing her. There's money involved.
• 31:48
  Your wife is messy, siblings are mad at each other.
• 31:50
  You're mad at your mom. It's like, Oh my God, how about
• 31:53
  we just talk? You know what I mean?
• 31:55
  And. I mean, mom is not even tripping
• 31:58
  off this money. I don't know if she ever was.
• 32:00
  She's only coming for the sister because the sister's causing a
• 32:03
  stink. And it's just like, it's fine,
• 32:05
  it's OK. And like you said, yes, stand
• 32:07
  up. She needs to.
• 32:09
  You have. To or else this is going to be
• 32:11
  the rest of your life exactly because if he.
• 32:12
  Ends up getting away with this. What does he think he can get
• 32:15
  away with in the future? Everything he's never leaving.
• 32:18
  He's going to have good kids and they just going to be there,
• 32:21
  just going to. Be there.
• 32:22
  That's what I'm saying. You got to set your boundaries.
• 32:23
  Now you got to lay where you stand now and I just need the
• 32:28
  mom to stand up. No, you're not overreacting.
• 32:32
  You're not the ABA. Her.
• 32:34
  I just think that it's just a stinky situation.
• 32:37
  The brother could have handled that differently.
• 32:39
  The wife needs to stop being like, I'm better fitting for the
• 32:43
  situation, therefore I'm not going to do anything about it.
• 32:45
  Like that's that's sketchy to me.
• 32:47
  Yeah, I think a sit. Down and a chat and everybody be
• 32:49
  honest is the best bet here because lawsuits and nasty text
• 32:56
  messages isn't going to help anything.
• 32:58
  It's not the way. Yeah, I agree.
• 33:00
  Yeah. Wow, that's interesting.
• 33:03
  We have to give us some hard. Ones today we did all right.
• 33:06
  Y'all, thank you so much. This was episode 30.
• 33:09
  We'll see you next week. Love y'all.
• 33:11
  Bye.