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#2003 The Escalating Shouting Match - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: You know, Yang, it's harp, So I hope you're great.
0:03
Speaker 1: I'm not exactly sure how this is going to go.
0:07
Speaker 1: It's a solo, of course, you not's solo. I've been
0:11
Speaker 1: paying attention as all of you, I guess, or most
0:14
Speaker 1: of you, to what's going on in the world, what's
0:16
Speaker 1: going on on social media. I try not to get
0:19
Speaker 1: too involved in things that I can't influence, but I
0:22
Speaker 1: want to be informed and I want to pay attention,
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Speaker 1: and for me because I'm a curious cat around you know,
0:33
Speaker 1: human behavior and communication and the mind and the subconscious,
0:37
Speaker 1: and you know what appears to be going on on
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Speaker 1: the surface, the external, physical, threat dimensional world what we
0:45
Speaker 1: would call, you know, kind of the objective situation or
0:48
Speaker 1: objective reality, and then how we interpret that what's happening
0:53
Speaker 1: on a I guess more of a subjective level for
0:57
Speaker 1: me or you, the individual in the middle of that
0:59
Speaker 1: ma grow that thing that's going on with the government
1:02
Speaker 1: or the weather, or global warming, or this argument or
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Speaker 1: that argument, or this screaming match these people, this group,
1:08
Speaker 1: that group. Everyone's fucking right, everyone's angry, everyone's screaming at
1:13
Speaker 1: each other. Everybody's in the middle of a fucking global
1:16
Speaker 1: or a personal or a you know, some kind of
1:18
Speaker 1: political or religious shouting match, and uh yeah, it makes me,
1:25
Speaker 1: it makes me, does it make me sad? It makes
1:27
Speaker 1: me a little sad. But I guess I'm more curious.
1:30
Speaker 1: And I don't want to talk today about politics or
1:34
Speaker 1: religion or I don't want to talk about you know,
1:36
Speaker 1: particular issues or topics that seem to trigger people and
1:40
Speaker 1: seem to be you know, the focus of contention and
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Speaker 1: debate and argument and even fucking hate. Right, I want
1:50
Speaker 1: to talk about what's underneath that. I want to talk
1:52
Speaker 1: about what drives us to scream at each other, what
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Speaker 1: drives us, what drives the hate, what drives the intolerance? What?
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Speaker 1: Why do we? And when I say things like why
2:03
Speaker 1: do we? I may not be talking about you, so
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Speaker 1: I'm speaking I'm speaking broadly, and I'm trying to speak representatively,
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Speaker 1: and of course I'll get things wrong. But why do
2:14
Speaker 1: we need to be right? Why do we? Why are
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Speaker 1: we so hesitant to listen to somebody who doesn't think
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Speaker 1: like us, or talk like us, or believe like us,
2:23
Speaker 1: or live like us? Because you know these are these
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Speaker 1: are and by the way, listening to or perhaps considering
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Speaker 1: another perspective or another person or another you know, a
2:35
Speaker 1: paradigm that you don't live in. This doesn't mean that
2:38
Speaker 1: we're being disloyal or this doesn't mean that where we're compromising.
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Speaker 1: For me, it's very much just about understanding or what
2:48
Speaker 1: do I think and what do I mean? And where
2:50
Speaker 1: is my intention and my ideas and where is my
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Speaker 1: where is this emotion, where's this defensiveness, where is this
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Speaker 1: need to be right in me coming from? But also
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Speaker 1: so what is their version like what you know that
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Speaker 1: seek first to understand, like what drives them? Why do
3:07
Speaker 1: they think the way they do? What do they think? Firstly?
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Speaker 1: Where does that come from? And then things like is
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Speaker 1: there any chance? Is there any chance that I'm wrong
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Speaker 1: or a bit wrong? And I think one of the
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Speaker 1: one of the ever present challenges around all of the
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Speaker 1: stuff that's going on at the moment is that so
3:28
Speaker 1: many of us don't even want to consider the fact
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Speaker 1: that we could be wrong. We could be unequivocally wrong
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Speaker 1: about something. I would suggest, not all things, but some things.
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Speaker 1: And so when we sit down to talk to somebody,
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Speaker 1: or when we find ourselves in the middle of a
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Speaker 1: situation or a circumstance where we're around other people who
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Speaker 1: disagree with us, or they don't share our thought or
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Speaker 1: philosophy or ideology or religion or lifestyle or habits or
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Speaker 1: whatever it is, we can find ourselves in a an
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Speaker 1: emotional and social and psychological situation where, rather than just
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Speaker 1: being us in the middle of that, we now feel
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Speaker 1: compelled to defend something, or to share a certain message,
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Speaker 1: or to convince somebody else of something, or to criticize
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Speaker 1: somebody of what they think because it doesn't align with
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Speaker 1: what we think. Rather than just being just going you know,
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Speaker 1: you think A and I think be and that's all right.
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Speaker 1: You know you eat this way, that way, you worship
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Speaker 1: this way, I worship that way. You believe in this God,
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Speaker 1: I believe in that God. I'm not trying to convince you.
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Speaker 1: And also me saying me acknowledging that somebody else believes
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Speaker 1: something that is diametrically opposed to what I believe. Firstly,
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Speaker 1: I can't change that person, neither do I want to
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Speaker 1: change that person, but I would perhaps even if I
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Speaker 1: think that that person is really doing some dark, bad shit, right,
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Speaker 1: I still want to understand where that comes from. Me
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Speaker 1: understanding you, understanding that doesn't not mean that you agree,
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Speaker 1: or that you align, or that you endorse. You know
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Speaker 1: that seek first to understand. We can't overcome or we
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Speaker 1: can't really you know, the bad shit that happens in
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Speaker 1: the world, How do we deal with that if we
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Speaker 1: don't understand that. But I think we get scared to
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Speaker 1: try to understand things, because I think part of us
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Speaker 1: feels that, oh, on some level, if I understand this person,
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Speaker 1: I'm supporting or I'm opening myself up to something evil
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Speaker 1: or bad or and I would just rather live over
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Speaker 1: here with all the people that think what I think
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Speaker 1: and talk like I talk, and have the same kind
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Speaker 1: of ideology and habits and practices and behaviors and rules
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Speaker 1: and rituals, because over here I'm safe and we know
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Speaker 1: that we're on the right team, and over there is
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Speaker 1: the wrong team, So fuck them. Whereas I'm more interested in, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: I don't agree with them, I don't align with them,
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Speaker 1: I don't like what they do, perhaps, but nonetheless I'm
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Speaker 1: curious about out why they are the way they are.
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Speaker 1: I'm curious about why I am the way that I am.
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Speaker 1: And by the way, in this conversation about this topic,
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Speaker 1: about is there any chance that I'm wrong. Have I
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Speaker 1: been wrong about things in my life before? Have I
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Speaker 1: had opinions and beliefs and ideas that prove to be incorrect? Now?
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Speaker 1: The answer for all of us is yes. And so
6:24
Speaker 1: when we go through life looking through this filter of
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Speaker 1: I am right, or through this window or this lens
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Speaker 1: of everything that I do and think and believe is correct,
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Speaker 1: then we are automatically shutting ourselves down from any unlearning
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Speaker 1: or new learning. And I don't know that this. I
6:43
Speaker 1: don't know if it's a trend, if it's just something.
6:47
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but I maybe I
6:49
Speaker 1: just haven't paid enough attention. Maybe the fact that social
6:53
Speaker 1: media and the access that we have to so much
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Speaker 1: information now has never been bigger, you know, like we've
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Speaker 1: never had so much exposure and access to so many
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Speaker 1: different people's thoughts and ideas. And then I guess part
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Speaker 1: of that is we've never had so much online hate
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Speaker 1: and dissension and you know, and people back and forth,
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Speaker 1: and I think, why even do some people like why
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Speaker 1: does and I'm not saying he or she shouldn't, but
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Speaker 1: why does this person from wherever jump online and then
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Speaker 1: spend an hour or two hours screaming about this particular
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Speaker 1: issue and going back and forwards and arguing and fighting
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Speaker 1: with people they don't know. And while on a behavioral
7:35
Speaker 1: like an like a human behavior level and a psychologyt
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Speaker 1: I kind of get it. But then I think, like
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Speaker 1: this and not producing anything healthy or helpful for you?
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Speaker 1: Does this? You know what need is this meeting in you?
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Speaker 1: Because it's not a good need in my opinion. So
7:55
Speaker 1: let's and again this is going to be very informal
7:58
Speaker 1: as it already is. I I don't know that I'm
8:00
Speaker 1: going to have any solutions for you. I don't think
8:03
Speaker 1: ever that on this show my job is to give
8:05
Speaker 1: you solutions or instruction per se. You know that this
8:11
Speaker 1: is literally me thinking out loud. I'd love to have
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Speaker 1: this conversation with a bunch of people around me, but
8:15
Speaker 1: it's just me. So I wrote this thing that I
8:19
Speaker 1: want to read to you, and then off the back
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Speaker 1: of that, I want to explore a few questions. And sometimes,
8:27
Speaker 1: like I've said to you before, sometimes I write things
8:29
Speaker 1: and I go oh, and it's going to become like
8:31
Speaker 1: it's going to be like two three sentences about an
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Speaker 1: idea and I think, think, yeah, that'll make a good
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Speaker 1: whiteboard post or that'll, that'll, that'll open a door to
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Speaker 1: some thinking on ig or Instagram or whatever it is.
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Speaker 1: And then it becomes a paragraph, and then it becomes
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Speaker 1: two paragraphs, and then I'm like, well, what the fuck
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Speaker 1: do I do with this? It's too long for a post,
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Speaker 1: it's too short for a podcast. So I want to
8:54
Speaker 1: read what I've written to you. Maybe that's the best
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Speaker 1: way to disseminate this. And then I want to talk
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Speaker 1: off the back of it. So that I've got two
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Speaker 1: titles I couldn't decide, so title one is the Escalating
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Speaker 1: Shouting Match and title to or maybe the subtitle is
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Speaker 1: the illusion of open mindedness? Why is meaningful discussion between
9:21
Speaker 1: people with different views? So rare? Ten people gather in
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Speaker 1: a room to discuss a certain matter. Each person has
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Speaker 1: a different view and belief about the focus of the conversation.
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Speaker 1: Each person believes that they are correct and by default,
9:39
Speaker 1: that everyone else in the room is incorrect. They all
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Speaker 1: consider themselves to be open minded. They are not. Every
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Speaker 1: individual sees themselves as logical and reasonable, while ironically living
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Speaker 1: in an ideological echo chamber of thought and belief and
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Speaker 1: behavior and ritual. Each person resonates with people who think
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Speaker 1: like them, reject people who do not think like them,
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Speaker 1: and each person belongs to a thought cult without even
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Speaker 1: knowing it, a cult for which the cost of membership
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Speaker 1: is agreement, an alignment, and conformity. A cult where independent thinking,
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Speaker 1: so not agreeing with the group independent thinking is a sin.
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Speaker 1: Disloyalty and disagreement with the group ensure excommunication. An unwavering
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Speaker 1: groupthink is the price of salvation. When people disagree with
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Speaker 1: these all knowing individuals, they are defensive, They are emotional, reactive,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes aggressive. Naturally, every person in the room considers
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Speaker 1: the other nine people to be misinformed or ignorant, or
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Speaker 1: at the very least part of the problem. Questions like
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Speaker 1: what if I'm wrong that? What if I'm the one
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Speaker 1: that's wrong? They never even enter their consciousness because they
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Speaker 1: already know, in inverted commas, they already know that their
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Speaker 1: truth is the truth. And when you already know that
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Speaker 1: your truth is the truth, well then nothing else really
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Speaker 1: matters in that conversation because you're righteous, they are not.
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Speaker 1: And so why am I writing this? Well, I'm writing
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Speaker 1: this because all of us are in that room. We
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Speaker 1: don't want to acknowledge that or think that, but we're
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Speaker 1: all in that room, and if not all the time,
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Speaker 1: of course, not all the time, but definitely sometimes, and
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Speaker 1: of course me too, of course Craig Harper as well.
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Speaker 1: Of Course I think I'm right when I'm wrong. Of Course,
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Speaker 1: many times in my life I've been arrogant and righteous
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Speaker 1: and self righteous of course because I'm human, because I'm flawed,
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Speaker 1: and I think I think we need to be able
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Speaker 1: to be okay with that to go I'm wrong, I
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Speaker 1: fucked up, I got something wrong. And the interesting thing is, ironically,
12:10
Speaker 1: often when we hear things like this, like this message,
12:14
Speaker 1: we kind of not our head, you know, we're not
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Speaker 1: our heads. We understand the message and maybe we even
12:19
Speaker 1: agree with it all the while knowing that it's not
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Speaker 1: about us. So that was what I wrote, That's what
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Speaker 1: I wanted to share. And I just feel like that
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Speaker 1: I don't know what the answer is, by the way,
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Speaker 1: but I definitely know the answer is not loud to screaming,
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Speaker 1: more screaming, more disconnection, more hate. You don't understand if
12:39
Speaker 1: we don't stand up for this, and if we don't
12:44
Speaker 1: you know, even when we go back to the thing
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Speaker 1: about and this is about thinking. This example I'm about
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Speaker 1: share is about thinking, and it's not about religion or
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Speaker 1: faith or belief. It's about belief, but it's not about
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Speaker 1: religion per se. You know, when we consider that there
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Speaker 1: are over four thousand, give or take religions in the world,
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Speaker 1: four thousand and about twelve major religions, and when you
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Speaker 1: think that nearly every religion teaches something this which is
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Speaker 1: at odds with all the other religions. Yes, there's similarity
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Speaker 1: and there's crossover, but on a level, most religions believe
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Speaker 1: that they are for one of them more more theological explanation,
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Speaker 1: that they're correct, that they're right, that they are the
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Speaker 1: conduit to God, that they are the one true church,
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Speaker 1: that their doctrine, that their scriptures, that they're teaching, that
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Speaker 1: their book is the right book. Right. But in the
13:44
Speaker 1: middle of that belief, I am right. We are right.
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Speaker 1: This is the one true church. Our theology is only
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Speaker 1: we have a hotline to God. And this here's what's
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Speaker 1: wrong with that religion. Here's what's wrong with this religion.
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Speaker 1: Here's what's and here's what's right without right with ours,
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Speaker 1: I should say, and again, it's not about religion. It's
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Speaker 1: about this idea that we cannot be wrong. We can't
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Speaker 1: be wrong, because when you think about belonging to a group,
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Speaker 1: any group that thinks, any group that has a doctrine
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Speaker 1: or a teaching or ideas or beliefs or values which
14:20
Speaker 1: are the basis of that group, then you can't question
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Speaker 1: any of those things ever, because to question those ideas,
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Speaker 1: to question that thinking, to question that doctrine, to question
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Speaker 1: that operating system that everybody inhabits, is to question the
14:41
Speaker 1: group itself. And therefore you will be an outcast and
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Speaker 1: a reject. And we don't want to be rejected or outcast.
14:48
Speaker 1: We want to fucking belong, So we tell ourselves, don't think,
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Speaker 1: just believe. When I was in church, one particular church,
14:57
Speaker 1: when I was young, I was literally told, if not
15:00
Speaker 1: those exact words, basically those words, don't think, just believe.
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Speaker 1: This is not about you your I was actively discouraged
15:10
Speaker 1: from questioning. I was actively discouraged from thinking for myself.
15:18
Speaker 1: I was I was actively discouraged from any kind of
15:23
Speaker 1: doubt or disagreement or hesitation. Well why would that be. Well,
15:30
Speaker 1: if you've got a young dude in the church who's
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Speaker 1: questioning and thinking for himself, I'm not talking about rebelling
15:37
Speaker 1: or being trying to actively be a problem. I'm just
15:39
Speaker 1: talking about, Hey, you said this, that doesn't resonate with me,
15:42
Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense to me, that seems illogical to me.
15:45
Speaker 1: And by the way, you teach this, but do that.
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Speaker 1: So I am seeing inconsistencies. So is it what you
15:51
Speaker 1: say or is it what you do? Because what you
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Speaker 1: are doing does not fucking reflect what you are saying.
15:56
Speaker 1: In fact, the doctrine, the ideas that we're teaching in
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Speaker 1: this place, or that we're sharing in this group doesn't
16:02
Speaker 1: have to be a church. But in this group, these ideas,
16:05
Speaker 1: these principles, these kind of tenets that we essentially build
16:09
Speaker 1: our identity on. I'm seeing lots of people who don't
16:12
Speaker 1: do that. Can I ask about that? No, you fucking
16:15
Speaker 1: can't shut that down again? Right, So, within these groups,
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Speaker 1: these conflicting groups, these differing thought cults, there is no openness,
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Speaker 1: There is no room for communication, There is no kind
16:31
Speaker 1: of hey, look, this is what we've thought for a
16:33
Speaker 1: long time. But maybe we're flawed, maybe our culture or
16:37
Speaker 1: maybe our ideas, or maybe our theology, or maybe this
16:40
Speaker 1: or that, maybe we got it wrong. Whoever says that, whoever,
16:45
Speaker 1: even in politics, think about how often whatever the group
16:50
Speaker 1: that you are in, whatever the political group that you're in,
16:53
Speaker 1: whatever the group thinks, whatever their message is, whatever their
16:56
Speaker 1: policy is, whatever their mandate is, whatever their kind of
17:00
Speaker 1: ideology is. If you're in that group, it doesn't matter
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Speaker 1: what you actually think. It doesn't matter what you actually think.
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Speaker 1: You are proactively or you are actively discouraged, in fact,
17:14
Speaker 1: if not, cast out of the group unless you say
17:17
Speaker 1: what you need to say for the group, because it
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Speaker 1: ain't about you, It ain't about you thinking, it ain't
17:22
Speaker 1: about you being critical in your analysis of things. No,
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Speaker 1: you are fucking discouraged. And this is the problem that
17:31
Speaker 1: this is part of the problem is that we want
17:33
Speaker 1: to live in these fucking echo chambers because the echo
17:37
Speaker 1: chamber is familiar. When I'm in the echo chamber, I'm
17:42
Speaker 1: around people who do like me, think like me, talk
17:44
Speaker 1: like me, behave like me, and it's so comfortable because
17:47
Speaker 1: we just happen to be in the right group. Well,
17:49
Speaker 1: guess what, boys and girls, do you fucking not not
17:51
Speaker 1: all the time? You're not And I dare say, unless
17:56
Speaker 1: all of you are statistical anomalies, which I really doubt,
17:59
Speaker 1: is that some of you right now and the group
18:02
Speaker 1: could just be a five person group, a social group.
18:06
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about big change the world groups necessarily.
18:11
Speaker 1: I'm talking about you listen to this show. You listen
18:13
Speaker 1: to me because you have a brain. You listen to
18:17
Speaker 1: me because you want to think differently, do differently, and
18:20
Speaker 1: be differently. You listen to me because there's something that's
18:23
Speaker 1: not working, or there's something that's not optimal about your
18:27
Speaker 1: social life, or your career, or your body, or your health,
18:30
Speaker 1: or your habits or your happiness, your internal world, your
18:34
Speaker 1: external world. You're thinking, you're doing your being, you're responding
18:38
Speaker 1: your proactive stuff. You react. There's something fucking going on.
18:41
Speaker 1: And you know right now. You know when I'm saying this,
18:45
Speaker 1: if this relates to you, and if this doesn't relate
18:47
Speaker 1: to you, great, and I mean that's sincerely. If it doesn't,
18:51
Speaker 1: If all I'm saying is like to you double Dutch
18:53
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, this is I'm not like that, Craig,
18:55
Speaker 1: this doesn't relate, then I would say jump out, come
18:58
Speaker 1: back tomorrow. And I mean that in love. But for
19:01
Speaker 1: those of you who know that you are, there are
19:06
Speaker 1: things that you are conforming to through guilt or fear
19:11
Speaker 1: or some misplaced sense of loyalty, where you are basically
19:16
Speaker 1: a character in someone else's story, where you are kind
19:20
Speaker 1: of just saying or doing or being what you think
19:23
Speaker 1: you need to say or do or be because you
19:25
Speaker 1: don't want the drama, you don't want the conflict. But
19:28
Speaker 1: what you're also saying is I don't want to be me.
19:31
Speaker 1: I don't want to be me because I'm not enough. Well,
19:35
Speaker 1: you are enough. And if you're in a group of one,
19:38
Speaker 1: fucking great. You're not going to be in a group
19:41
Speaker 1: of one for your whole life, but you might be
19:42
Speaker 1: in a group of one about a certain thing. I'm
19:46
Speaker 1: not suggesting we all live lives of solitude and quiet desperation,
19:51
Speaker 1: of course, I'm saying that we don't all need to
19:56
Speaker 1: belong to a bunch of different groups to which we
19:59
Speaker 1: are scribe and handover essentially the keys to our brain.
20:06
Speaker 1: I've spent much of my life gratefully, gratefully being very
20:13
Speaker 1: very alone, in the sense that the way that I
20:20
Speaker 1: thought or lived or behaved. You know, not that I'm
20:24
Speaker 1: the only person, of course, but amongst my peers, amongst
20:27
Speaker 1: the people that I knew, I was a group of one,
20:30
Speaker 1: often alone, but not lonely. And there's no self pity
20:33
Speaker 1: in this because I'm very grateful. My life is amazing,
20:35
Speaker 1: and I have beautiful, awesome friends. But you think about
20:39
Speaker 1: the guy that, by the way, today turns sixty two,
20:42
Speaker 1: go jumbo. But you think about that guy who's sixty
20:45
Speaker 1: two who never got married, Well that's weird. What's wrong
20:47
Speaker 1: with him? He's broken? Is he gay? Is he straight?
20:50
Speaker 1: Is he got lots of emotional and psychological issues? How
20:52
Speaker 1: come he didn't what didn't anyone want him? Did someone
20:54
Speaker 1: want him? Has he got commitment issues? As he This
20:56
Speaker 1: is all of these things. And I get the curiosity.
20:59
Speaker 1: I get it. But the guy who never got married,
21:02
Speaker 1: and the guy who never drank beer, and the guy
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Speaker 1: who never did drugs, and the guy who and again
21:06
Speaker 1: this is not me elevating me. I don't necessarily think
21:08
Speaker 1: this is good or bad. But you know that I
21:12
Speaker 1: was walking this morning. I was up early, and I
21:15
Speaker 1: was walking around suburbia and it was dark, and I
21:18
Speaker 1: was I walked past this lady who has a dog
21:22
Speaker 1: who I see quite regularly, and she's out early walking
21:25
Speaker 1: and I'm out early walking. But it was dark, it
21:27
Speaker 1: was not yet light. And she always, if not always
21:30
Speaker 1: nearly always crosses the street because he's a dude in
21:33
Speaker 1: a black coat and it's five thirty am, and I
21:36
Speaker 1: could be whatever. Right now, I was thinking how weird
21:40
Speaker 1: I must be for some people where I live, because
21:42
Speaker 1: I'm always just out and about doing my thing, headphones on,
21:46
Speaker 1: you know, black coat on, like an army shorts, just
21:49
Speaker 1: navigating suburbia like a to them, like a complete fucking weirdo.
21:54
Speaker 1: But in the middle of my group of one, I
21:56
Speaker 1: love it. But I but my life connects with lots
22:00
Speaker 1: of groups. I have groups of friends, I have groups
22:02
Speaker 1: of I have groups of friends that have similar passions
22:06
Speaker 1: and ideas to me. And you know my training friends,
22:09
Speaker 1: and you know my academic friends and all of that.
22:12
Speaker 1: But I don't feel compelled. Firstly, I wouldn't say that
22:17
Speaker 1: I'm a member of a group. I would say that
22:20
Speaker 1: I belong, you know what's the word. I intersect with
22:24
Speaker 1: a lot of other people, right, and we may or
22:26
Speaker 1: may not have similar beliefs and ideas, but that's not
22:29
Speaker 1: a prerequisite for being in those relationships. So do I
22:34
Speaker 1: have friends that I see or people that I know,
22:38
Speaker 1: or people that I train with, or people that I
22:40
Speaker 1: work with that I disagree with? Like quite diametrically opposed
22:46
Speaker 1: on some things. But they're still my friends, or they're
22:48
Speaker 1: still my colleagues, or I still like them, I respect them.
22:51
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, our job is not to agree,
22:55
Speaker 1: Our job is not to align. I believe that our
23:00
Speaker 1: biggest challenge is to figure out who we are and
23:03
Speaker 1: how we are. What matters to me? What do I believe?
23:06
Speaker 1: Not what have I been told to believe, not what's
23:08
Speaker 1: expected of me to do or think or believe, but rather,
23:12
Speaker 1: what are my values? What is my life about? Who
23:15
Speaker 1: the fuck do I want to be? And how do
23:16
Speaker 1: I want to be that? And what is that? You know?
23:20
Speaker 1: What is that going to look like practically in my life?
23:23
Speaker 1: Do I have to agree with everybody? Can I disagree
23:25
Speaker 1: with people without there being a problem? What about that?
23:28
Speaker 1: What about you and I disagree? But it makes no
23:31
Speaker 1: difference to our friendship. You think A, I think B.
23:35
Speaker 1: You still love me, I still love you. We're all good.
23:37
Speaker 1: Our friendship, our love, our connection, our respect is not
23:41
Speaker 1: dependent on alignment or agreement, And in fact, if it
23:46
Speaker 1: is dependent on agreement, I would suggest it's not actually
23:49
Speaker 1: love or connection or friendship. I would say it's some
23:52
Speaker 1: kind of unhealthy fucking strategic alliance, this thing that we have,
23:59
Speaker 1: this need that we have to be right or to
24:03
Speaker 1: belong to a group that alive, and nobody wants to
24:05
Speaker 1: be alone. And I'm not suggesting you be alone. I'm
24:08
Speaker 1: suggesting you be you, and you will find that people
24:11
Speaker 1: will gravitate towards you. People will want to be around you,
24:14
Speaker 1: people will want to connect with you. And it's not
24:17
Speaker 1: about being self righteous, and it's not about being right,
24:19
Speaker 1: and it's not about avoiding being wrong. It's about being
24:22
Speaker 1: you and knowing that you're going to fuck up, knowing
24:25
Speaker 1: that you will get things wrong, knowing that you will
24:27
Speaker 1: have beliefs and attitudes and opinions that over time will
24:33
Speaker 1: be proven to be incorrect or flawed. And it's okay.
24:36
Speaker 1: And guess what, when you get something wrong, you go, hey,
24:38
Speaker 1: got it wrong. Now no better, I'm going to do better.
24:42
Speaker 1: And if I ever heard anyone because I expressed something
24:45
Speaker 1: that was you know, dogmatic or over the top assertive
24:50
Speaker 1: or which I have done, I'm sorry. The end, I'm sorry,
24:53
Speaker 1: not like oh I did it, but these are the
24:55
Speaker 1: I just did it, and I'm sorry. And I think
24:59
Speaker 1: you know, for us to be the person like we
25:02
Speaker 1: hold things like open mindedness and empathy and kindness and
25:09
Speaker 1: collaboration and communication. We hold these things in such high
25:13
Speaker 1: regards socially when we're talking or when we're thinking out loud,
25:17
Speaker 1: when we're doing podcasts. Oh yeah, you know. I'm open minded,
25:22
Speaker 1: I'm humble, I'm self aware, I'm We fucking love saying
25:25
Speaker 1: all this stuff about ourselves. But guess what we are
25:27
Speaker 1: so not that we are so not that it sounds
25:30
Speaker 1: good because we want social credits. Of course, I want
25:34
Speaker 1: to be the guy who's humble and self aware and evolved.
25:37
Speaker 1: I want to be that guy. Sometimes I'm that guy
25:40
Speaker 1: for ten minutes. Sometimes I'm not, and sometimes I'm a prick,
25:44
Speaker 1: and sometimes I'm not, And sometimes so are you, and
25:46
Speaker 1: you know that you're not trying to be that. Are
25:51
Speaker 1: you a bad person? I don't think, if you're listening
25:53
Speaker 1: to this and listening to me, that you're a bad person.
25:55
Speaker 1: I think that you do dumb shit sometimes. I think
25:58
Speaker 1: that you make mistakes. I think that you get things wrong.
26:01
Speaker 1: I also think you have amazing within you. I also
26:05
Speaker 1: think you probably have vast potential that you haven't accessed yet.
26:10
Speaker 1: I also believe that you have probably possibilities that you
26:15
Speaker 1: haven't even thought about yet. This is not about where good,
26:19
Speaker 1: we're bad, we're brilliant, we're broken. This is all about
26:22
Speaker 1: we're fucking human. We don't need to be right. You
26:26
Speaker 1: don't need to be right. Steps down off soapbox. You
26:32
Speaker 1: know what. I was going to open the door on
26:36
Speaker 1: ten questions and answers around this stuff that I've prepared,
26:41
Speaker 1: and I feel like I feel like not doing that today.
26:44
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe doing that another day. But you know,
26:49
Speaker 1: one of the challenges for me as a coach and
26:51
Speaker 1: a podcaster, you know, and a researcher and a bloke
26:54
Speaker 1: who has I think a little bit of knowledge and
26:56
Speaker 1: maybe something to offer in the world. I'll let you
26:58
Speaker 1: be the judge of that, is that we live in
27:02
Speaker 1: a little bit of I think we live in a
27:04
Speaker 1: little bit of you know, kind of Disney Unicorn b or.
27:10
Speaker 1: You can be You're amazing, You're fucking incredible. You know
27:14
Speaker 1: everyone else is wrong, You're right. You know you're the victim.
27:19
Speaker 1: There the this there that you know and of course
27:22
Speaker 1: you know that is real in that you know there
27:26
Speaker 1: are times when, of course we're the victim, and of
27:29
Speaker 1: course there are real problems. And I would never discount that.
27:32
Speaker 1: But also, you know, away from all the rah rah
27:36
Speaker 1: and the self help fairy floss and platitudes and you
27:41
Speaker 1: know kind of memes. Away from that, there's this real
27:45
Speaker 1: deep work to be done. There's this thinking to be done.
27:53
Speaker 1: There's this self reflection to open the door onto pull
28:00
Speaker 1: back the curtain for you to understand you, for you
28:05
Speaker 1: to understand where does my programming and conditioning finish? And
28:10
Speaker 1: where do I start? Like hootherfucker's Craig Harper beyond his
28:14
Speaker 1: Catholic school upbringing and the work that he's done and
28:18
Speaker 1: the brand that he thinks he has and his genetics
28:21
Speaker 1: and he's fucking his propensity to say, fucking kunt And
28:26
Speaker 1: who is Craig Harper beyond his ego and his bullshit?
28:30
Speaker 1: And when we take away all the stuff that I'm not,
28:33
Speaker 1: what's left? What's left? Like? Who am I at my core?
28:39
Speaker 1: And why do I behave the way that I do?
28:42
Speaker 1: Why do I think the way that I do? And
28:44
Speaker 1: I'm not saying my behavior or your behavior is all
28:46
Speaker 1: bad or it needs to be changed. Same with your thinking,
28:49
Speaker 1: same with your ideas and your beliefs, same with your
28:52
Speaker 1: operating system for your life. But rather than rather than
28:56
Speaker 1: just assuming what we think is right. What I do
29:00
Speaker 1: is right, my beliefs are right, my religion is right.
29:03
Speaker 1: The way that I do this and that is right.
29:05
Speaker 1: And therefore if you don't do it like me, or
29:08
Speaker 1: you don't think like me, you are wrong. And so
29:11
Speaker 1: therefore we need to be enemies. We need to argue online.
29:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to just jump on. I'm going to say
29:16
Speaker 1: the worst, hurtful, hateful shit, and in some on some
29:20
Speaker 1: weird level, I think I'm doing the right thing. And
29:26
Speaker 1: you know, one of my favorite sayings is that all
29:29
Speaker 1: that's necessary for evil to triumph is for good men
29:31
Speaker 1: to do nothing. So we could make that more current
29:35
Speaker 1: and say good people to do nothing, good men and
29:37
Speaker 1: women to do nothing. But you know, here's the thing.
29:40
Speaker 1: It's like screaming at each other online, abusing people, insulting people,
29:45
Speaker 1: running people down, being self righteous, pointing fingers, spitting venom,
29:50
Speaker 1: being hateful. This is not doing something. This is not positive,
29:56
Speaker 1: This is not constructive, This is not helpful. This is emotional,
30:01
Speaker 1: This is frustrated, This is fear based, This is unhealthy
30:04
Speaker 1: fucking bullshit that everyone is or a lot of people
30:08
Speaker 1: are participating in right now. All the while thinking that
30:12
Speaker 1: everyone who doesn't think like them is wrong, all the
30:16
Speaker 1: while thinking that they are right. We are so often not.
30:22
Speaker 1: If we really want to be humble and aware, an
30:24
Speaker 1: open minded, an objective I believe we need to start
30:28
Speaker 1: on the assumption that I could be wrong. And for
30:30
Speaker 1: many people that thought I could be wrong, it's fucking terrifying.
30:34
Speaker 1: But guess what, you're going to be wrong. I'm going
30:37
Speaker 1: to be wrong. You're also going to be right. You're
30:39
Speaker 1: also going to be brilliant. You're also going to be scared,
30:42
Speaker 1: You're also going to be brave. But all of us
30:45
Speaker 1: are trying to navigate this complex thing that we call
30:48
Speaker 1: life while all the while being beautiful and ugly, broken
30:54
Speaker 1: and amazing, terrified and courageous and ultimately human,