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When You Don't Fall For The Narcissist's Hoover · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when you resist or refuse the narcissist Hoover?
• 0:06
  When you turn them down, When they try to creep their little
• 0:09
  sneaky narcissistic butts back into your life?
• 0:12
  What happens? How do they act?
• 0:13
  What goes through their mind? That's what we're talking about
• 0:16
  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:18
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:20
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:40
  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:41
  Yeah, y'all yeah, yeah, yeah. The narcissistic Hoover.
• 0:48
  If you don't know what Hoover in is, y'all.
• 0:50
  If you new to my channel, if you new to the world of narcissistic
• 0:53
  toxic relationships. If you don't know what Hoover in
• 0:55
  is, it's when a narcissist or toxic person does whatever it
• 0:59
  takes to try to get you back. It's in any, I call it any
• 1:04
  unwanted contact is a Hoover. Any, any unwanted contact could
• 1:10
  be a form of a Hoover y'all. So that's why I try to tell
• 1:13
  people like if you're dealing with a narcissist or types of
• 1:15
  person and y'all have broken up and they're trying to reach out
• 1:18
  to you for whatever reason, they're trying to contact you
• 1:20
  for whatever reason, that is possibly a Hoover right there.
• 1:24
  You see what I'm saying? That is possibly them trying to
• 1:27
  come back into your life in some way, shape or form.
• 1:30
  So that's what hoovering is like.
• 1:32
  What happens now? What happens when you turn down
• 1:36
  said Hoover? When you don't, Sorry, my
• 1:39
  battery's going off. When you turn down said Hoover,
• 1:44
  and you no longer want to deal with them, how do they act?
• 1:47
  What goes on in their minds? What do they say?
• 1:50
  So the first thing that a lot of narcissistic people are going to
• 1:54
  try to do when you refuse a Hoover is try to make you feel
• 1:58
  bad. Like literally, they're going to
• 2:02
  try to make you feel guilty. They're going to try to make you
• 2:04
  feel like a horrible, just horrible ass person because of
• 2:08
  how things have went down. They're going to try to make you
• 2:10
  feel like a terrible person. They're going to try to make you
• 2:12
  feel guilty. Well, you you must really never
• 2:16
  loved me. You must have never really cared
• 2:18
  about me. If you can just walk away so
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  easily. If you can walk away so easily.
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  Did you ever really love me? Like you?
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  What? How am I supposed to?
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  How am I supposed to live without you?
• 2:31
  Like, what am I supposed to do without you in this situation?
• 2:34
  Wow, You really don't care, do you?
• 2:37
  They'll try to make you feel guilty.
• 2:39
  They'll try to make you feel bad, Right?
• 2:42
  And does it work sometimes? Yeah.
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  Yeah. Let's keep it hot.
• 2:45
  It does work sometimes. Narcissistic people can be very
• 2:48
  convincing, especially when they're crying and whining and
• 2:52
  and begging and pleading and snot coming from their nose.
• 2:55
  They uncontrollable flatulence, like they're losing it
• 2:59
  everywhere. Right?
• 3:01
  That happens. This is what goes on when you're
• 3:04
  dealing with a manipulative, narcissistic person.
• 3:06
  They're going to try to make it seem like you have victimized
• 3:10
  them in some way, shape or form by refusing to allow them back
• 3:13
  into your space, by refusing to break no contact, by refusing to
• 3:18
  let them, to let them back, refusing to let them back into
• 3:23
  your life in some way, shape or form.
• 3:26
  Like seriously, that will go. That's what happens.
• 3:28
  That's what goes on. So a lot of them are going to
• 3:30
  try to make you feel guilty, guilty as charged.
• 3:34
  Shout out Dewey Cox. But yeah, that's what a lot of
• 3:38
  them are. Is it because.
• 3:39
  Because it works, Lee, why did they try to make us feel guilty?
• 3:42
  Because it works. What would you like?
• 3:45
  Why not do something that works for you?
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  If it works, I'm going to keep doing it.
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  That's just the mind of a narcissist right there y'all.
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  If this works, I'm going to keep doing it because why wouldn't I?
• 3:57
  You see another thing that a lot of narcissists and talks people
• 4:02
  are going to do when you refuse the Hoover when you refused to
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  let them back into your life. When their attempts to try to
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  get you back don't work. Another thing they can do is
• 4:12
  lose the ever loving mind. They can lose their damn minds.
• 4:17
  They can literally lose their minds and start to rage out on
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  you. This could be the most dangerous
• 4:23
  time y'all, Because when they, when they are raging out on you,
• 4:26
  when they're accusing you, when they're saying whatever they're
• 4:29
  going to say, they can get very dangerous.
• 4:32
  The rage is real. That rage is as real as it gets.
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  That rage is as real as it comes.
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  They're going to, some of them will absolutely rage out on you
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  and lose they damn minds because they're angry because you not
• 4:47
  taking them back. They're angry because their
• 4:50
  Hoover and attempts don't work. They're angry, especially like,
• 4:53
  yeah, especially if they try to get you back in the same way
• 4:58
  before, right. If they try to Hoover you and it
• 5:02
  worked before and now they're trying the same thing and it
• 5:06
  doesn't work now. They, a lot of them can
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  absolutely get, become full of rage and come out and come after
• 5:13
  you. When I say come after you, I
• 5:14
  don't mean like come out. Well, some of them, yeah, some
• 5:17
  of them will come after you physically.
• 5:19
  Some of them will come after you on the Internet, right?
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  Some of them will start a smear campaign on you.
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  Don't get so rageful and whatnot.
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  They'll start a smear campaign on you online.
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  Where is it where they are just spreading lies?
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  Where they literally are online just lying?
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  They asses off about what has transpired in your relationship,
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  about how you have gotten to this point and whatnot.
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  They will do that. A lot of them will lose their
• 5:46
  minds and try to smear you and try to make you feel bad because
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  guess what happens y'all? When they start lying online or
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  when they start lying to your friends and family about what
• 5:54
  what actually has went down. Sometimes you reach out to them
• 5:59
  to get them to stop. You see, sometimes it could be
• 6:04
  bait. Sometimes them harassing your
• 6:06
  friends and family members and doing that type of stuff right.
• 6:08
  There can be bait to try to get you to reach out, bait to try to
• 6:12
  get you to break no contact or whatever the case may be.
• 6:15
  It's going to be bait. So you have to be careful that
• 6:18
  you have to watch out for that because, yeah, they're going to
• 6:20
  try to bait you into having a conversation with them or bait
• 6:23
  you into sitting down and talking to them.
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  Bait you into one final closure. You have to get one final
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  closure or try to bait you into clapping some cheeks, right.
• 6:32
  Put a baby in you or get a baby by you.
• 6:36
  Watch out, man. Yeah, yeah, watch out for that.
• 6:38
  Yeah. One thing you one thing you
• 6:40
  absolutely going to need when you leave a narcissist is some
• 6:43
  bedroom discipline. I'm a I'm gonna do a video on
• 6:47
  that later. My office is like close to the
• 6:49
  Police Department. I'm safe, but it gets loud,
• 6:53
  right? But yeah, And this right here
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  might surprise you. Another thing that a narcissist
• 6:59
  could do when they are feeling like they are somewhat losing
• 7:04
  control of you, when they are, when you cut off access, when
• 7:07
  the hooverant is not working, some of them will disappear.
• 7:13
  Yep, some of them will absolutely disappear on you.
• 7:17
  Some of them like say, when I say absolutely disappear, I mean
• 7:20
  it. I mean some of them will
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  absolutely just vanish on you out of seemingly out of thin air
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  because you're trying to heal and grow and do whatever you're
• 7:29
  trying to do. This person will like seemingly
• 7:32
  disappear. And if you yourself have has
• 7:35
  read up on narcissism, if you've read up on toxic relationship
• 7:39
  dynamics, if you read up on abuse or situations of
• 7:42
  narcissistic abuse, you might be expecting them to Hoover.
• 7:46
  You might be expecting them to reach out.
• 7:48
  You might be expecting them to start a smear campaign or go to
• 7:51
  your friends or family members. You might be expecting all of
• 7:54
  that. But some narcissistic people
• 7:56
  will shock you and just disappear.
• 8:01
  And this right here, Yeah. Could they be done with you?
• 8:03
  Let's say this right here, could a narcissist that doesn't reach
• 8:07
  out to you, could they be done? Yes.
• 8:10
  But also they could be trying to bait you into it as well.
• 8:13
  This is where the reverse Hoover comes into play.
• 8:17
  When like, so just take me for instance, if I am in my
• 8:21
  relationship dynamics, if I felt like the hoovering wasn't
• 8:26
  working or my tactics were not working, I would go radio
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  silent, you know, because radio silence can, can breed this
• 8:34
  obsession from people. Because if you're expecting me
• 8:37
  to do this and I don't do it, it makes you all it makes you all
• 8:41
  asking questions, doesn't it? It makes you all wondering, am I
• 8:44
  safe? What happened?
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  Especially if it's especially if it's outside of something that I
• 8:49
  normally would be doing right. If, you know, if I normally am
• 8:53
  posting every single day about something and now I'm not
• 8:56
  posting anymore, you sort of ask questions like what's wrong with
• 8:59
  Lee? Where Lee go?
• 9:01
  What happened to Lee? Anybody seen Lee?
• 9:03
  You might ask your friends to look at my social media profile.
• 9:05
  You might ask your friends to, well, ask about me.
• 9:08
  You see what I'm saying? It's very manipulative.
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  So some narcissists will absolutely just vanish on you
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  like if they're hoovering is not working or you not you not
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  accepting the Hoover and you are standing on your young folks say
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  you're standing on business if you're standing on business,
• 9:26
  right? And you're not reacting to them,
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  not giving them the time of day. If y'all have kids together,
• 9:33
  you're not even letting them use the kids to bait you into
• 9:36
  unnecessary arguments or conversations, right?
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  If you're not doing that, then this is the type of stuff that
• 9:44
  happens. Like you really, really, truly
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  have to be prepared for that. You really, really, truly do.
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  And this is what happens. Like some of them will go silent
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  and you don't want to reverse Hoover yourself because if you
• 9:58
  break no contact, if you are the one that reaches out to me, you
• 10:03
  just validate everything that I've done.
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  You validate all my feelings, You validate my thought process.
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  You validate every single thing that you've been complaining
• 10:12
  about. Does not matter because why
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  would you reach out to me if it's not OK?
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  Why would you reach out to me? If you if you if this is such a
• 10:20
  problem, why are you reaching out to me?
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  You see how that works? Do y'all see the mentality of
• 10:26
  manipulative narcissistic people?
• 10:28
  Do you see how that works and whatnot?
• 10:31
  There's so many people deal with that.
• 10:32
  Yeah. There's also the narcissist,
• 10:34
  right, That if you reject the Hoover, there's also those
• 10:39
  narcissists. There's certain sector of
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  narcissistic people that will start accusing you of having
• 10:45
  someone else it all. Yeah, yeah, I know y'all.
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  I know some of you might be waiting on that There.
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  Is there certain sector of narcissistic people that always
• 10:55
  got to accuse you of having someone else?
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  Yes. Yes, this can be a part of the
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  smear campaign, but this could also be a form of them trying to
• 11:02
  Hoover you back in by spreading this to the kids and whatnot.
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  They can start telling your children that you're cheating on
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  them, or you don't want daddy in the house, or you don't want
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  mommy to come back in. You don't want to move back in
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  with mommy because you have somebody else.
• 11:14
  They'll start accusing you of doing this stuff, right?
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  They'll start accusing you of doing this type of this type of
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  thing, these type of things. They absolutely will.
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  So you got to be prepared, y'all?
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  You got to be prepared to look. Some of them will leave you
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  alone, but some of them are going to make you fight for your
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  freedom. I know that it sounds like a
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  battle, right? Some of them are going to make
• 11:34
  you fight for your freedom, but it's the truth.
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  Some of them are absolutely going to make you go back and
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  forth with them for your freedom.
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  They're going to make you go back and forth with every single
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  thing about themselves like they're going to accuse you,
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  they're going to pop up, they're going to stalk you, they're
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  going to harass you. Some of them even threatened to
• 11:49
  harm themselves if the Hoover isn't working.
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  Well, Lee, when? Lee, when would they get the
• 11:53
  point? Sometimes they might not get the
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  point. Sometimes you have to force them
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  to get the point. Sometimes you have to force them
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  to leave you alone by getting a restraining order on order of
• 12:01
  protection or full custody of the children or whatever the
• 12:04
  case may be. You have to protect yourself.
• 12:07
  It's not selfishness to protect yourself.
• 12:09
  Self safety is not selfishness. It's self-care.
• 12:14
  It's self love. Anyway, y'all think I have a
• 12:16
  right way to the end of this video?
• 12:18
  I know I've rambled on a little bit because we get to the 13
• 12:20
  minute mark. My my my course about healing
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• 12:57
  So I hit this button, come on button come on back on my camera
• 13:01
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• 13:05
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• 13:06
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• 13:18
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• 13:20
  later. Peace.