Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Monday Mini: Women in Crisis

Transcript

Monday Mini: Women in Crisis · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Stephane.
0:07
Speaker 1: Never told your protection of iHeart Radio. Okay, Annie, you
0:19
Speaker 1: and I have been talking about this for a minute,
0:21
Speaker 1: and I have sent warning texts to all my friends
0:26
Speaker 1: about the fact that I am in quite a place
0:31
Speaker 1: mentally as of late, to the point that everybody's like, seriously,
0:35
Speaker 1: are you okay? Um, And to the point my partner's like,
0:38
Speaker 1: how about how about if we go visit? How about
0:40
Speaker 1: we go outside? How about we touch touch the grass?
0:43
Speaker 1: As the new expression goes. But I didn't want to
0:46
Speaker 1: ask you. Did you ever go through what is known
0:50
Speaker 1: as quarter life crisis? Now I know it's it's actually
0:54
Speaker 1: I guess it is a millennial thing because I feel
0:56
Speaker 1: like John may I really push that out in his lyrics.
1:00
Speaker 1: Did he does he have a song about quarter life crisis?
1:02
Speaker 1: He literally says about having a quarter life crisis in
1:05
Speaker 1: one of his very moody songs. Oh that's okay. Now
1:13
Speaker 1: I'm having to wow, thanks to Metha, I'm having to
1:15
Speaker 1: reckon with the fact I'm at the quarter of my
1:17
Speaker 1: life at least WHOA. I don't think I have I've
1:25
Speaker 1: I've definitely had moments where but they're usually fleeting. But
1:30
Speaker 1: I've had moments where I'm like, I've got to make
1:32
Speaker 1: a change, and like, what am I doing with fine?
1:34
Speaker 1: I don't, Oh I have so I don't have a
1:36
Speaker 1: significant other, I don't have all these things. And then
1:39
Speaker 1: usually like within an hour and out of it, like
1:42
Speaker 1: I changed, that's fine. I think it helps that I
1:46
Speaker 1: did travel a lot when we could travel a lot
1:49
Speaker 1: um and I always was busy, and you know, I
1:52
Speaker 1: was always hiking and stuff. But I don't maybe it's coming,
1:57
Speaker 1: maybe it's on the horizon, but not that's of yet.
2:01
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had one. Okay, So the quarter
2:05
Speaker 1: life crisis. If your lifespan was to say, eighty, what
2:09
Speaker 1: hit at twenty. So if your lifespan goes to a hundred,
2:14
Speaker 1: it goes to twenty five. So that's the quarter life
2:18
Speaker 1: And I really felt that, and for some reason in
2:20
Speaker 1: my head I got sure I definitely going to live
2:22
Speaker 1: to a hundred. So around twenty five, I was like
2:24
Speaker 1: what am I doing with my life? This all was
2:26
Speaker 1: also a part of like whether or not I was
2:28
Speaker 1: okay with my job, whether I was not. I was
2:31
Speaker 1: trying to find my identity and trying to figure out.
2:33
Speaker 1: You know, it was during the time I was losing
2:35
Speaker 1: a lot of my old identity as the Asian girl
2:38
Speaker 1: wanting to be white from a small town, from going
2:41
Speaker 1: to from conservative to oh, that doesn't make sense anymore,
2:46
Speaker 1: doing from religious to oh, yeah, I don't think this
2:49
Speaker 1: is me anymore type of moments. So to me, that
2:51
Speaker 1: was a little bit of my quarter life crisis because
2:54
Speaker 1: religion and Christianity was a big part of who I
2:58
Speaker 1: was so losing that really did feel like I was
3:01
Speaker 1: losing myself and had to redefine myself. So that kind
3:04
Speaker 1: of what's my quarter life crisis. And at this point,
3:08
Speaker 1: I'm in my my forties forty one. I'm still young forties,
3:12
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong. And I know I keep saying
3:14
Speaker 1: it like I'm going to push over at any moment,
3:18
Speaker 1: but I'm telling you, I went to work out yesterday
3:20
Speaker 1: for the first time in what months, I'm in pain.
3:26
Speaker 1: So I feel like this is even more defined right
3:28
Speaker 1: now because I can't stand up without literally holding onto desks, tables,
3:32
Speaker 1: arms of chairs to push myself up. So I really
3:35
Speaker 1: feel like this is the moment for me to talk
3:37
Speaker 1: about this because at this point I sent you and Caroline,
3:42
Speaker 1: who was a good friend of mine, and there's like
3:45
Speaker 1: I'm either going to buy a house, an RV, a
3:49
Speaker 1: new car, go on a ridiculously expensive vacation, or a
3:54
Speaker 1: new dog like that was the text on Like I
3:56
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening, but I need to do one
3:58
Speaker 1: of these things to shake up my life. And that's
4:01
Speaker 1: what I started thinking. Oh, it's the midlife crisis point,
4:05
Speaker 1: like if I die eighty two, this is it, right,
4:07
Speaker 1: this is the midlife point, which by the way, is
4:10
Speaker 1: defined to happen around forties to sixties. And though it
4:13
Speaker 1: is not an actual mental health like thing, people are
4:19
Speaker 1: still acknowledge it. Don't get me wrong. There's a debate
4:20
Speaker 1: about it whether it exists in Americans apparently have reported
4:24
Speaker 1: to have had one. And of course we do have
4:27
Speaker 1: the stereotypical as I said, going on to extravagant buys,
4:32
Speaker 1: which is what I just, you know, kind of was
4:34
Speaker 1: a stereotype. I really do. I've been looking at each
4:36
Speaker 1: one of those things BT dubs um, sending you link,
4:39
Speaker 1: sending my partner links, and like, somebody approved this for me,
4:43
Speaker 1: and no one has yet to do so. So I
4:44
Speaker 1: feel like I've been betrayed a little bit. But all
4:47
Speaker 1: of these things that we know that the forty sixty
4:51
Speaker 1: year old man by the Porsche all of a sudden
4:54
Speaker 1: leaving his wife of fifteen twenty years for the twenty
4:58
Speaker 1: year old whatever. These are all stereotypes we're talking about.
5:01
Speaker 1: But when it comes to women, it seems to be
5:04
Speaker 1: a little different. And I wanted to know what that was.
5:07
Speaker 1: And first and foremost, let's go ahead and define what
5:10
Speaker 1: is a midlife crisis, because you know we love to
5:12
Speaker 1: do that, which is a period of emotional turmoil in
5:15
Speaker 1: middle age, characterized especially by a strong desire for change. Um.
5:21
Speaker 1: This is Miriam Webster's definition, by the way. And yeah,
5:26
Speaker 1: I feel that I feel that. I don't know if
5:28
Speaker 1: it's because I'm middle age. Of course. Some of the
5:30
Speaker 1: articles which I talked about the percent came from the
5:34
Speaker 1: healthline dot com article about midlife crisis and women. Some
5:38
Speaker 1: of this talks about possible menopause. And you know, I'm
5:42
Speaker 1: not sad about menopause because there's something in me that
5:44
Speaker 1: wants to have a child, So it doesn't bother me
5:47
Speaker 1: per se, of course, and I'm sure we can have
5:49
Speaker 1: this other conversation will come back to it, we should
5:51
Speaker 1: come back to it. I am very worried about not
5:54
Speaker 1: wanting to have sex, which you and I have talked
5:56
Speaker 1: about whether or not that it makes us normal and
5:58
Speaker 1: whether or not that redefines us. We talked about a
6:01
Speaker 1: sexuality as an actual sexuality and being a part of
6:03
Speaker 1: the queer community, and that's important that we need to
6:06
Speaker 1: talk about that. But as someone myself who has been
6:09
Speaker 1: fairly sexual um from my twenties to my nows, which
6:14
Speaker 1: is a short amount of times of course beforehand, but
6:16
Speaker 1: I haven't actually hadn't engaged with a partner up until
6:21
Speaker 1: that point. UM, I feel like, oh no, I've missed
6:24
Speaker 1: out on so much of that and now I'm losing it.
6:28
Speaker 1: It makes me sad. So again, that's a whole different
6:31
Speaker 1: conversation of how that defines us as being women who
6:34
Speaker 1: are aging but trying to remain what what used to
6:39
Speaker 1: be norm for us as individuals. But that's not again
6:43
Speaker 1: a different conversation now. I looked back to the midlife
6:46
Speaker 1: crisis because I was like, what the like, I'm not happy,
6:50
Speaker 1: I don't want to be here. But at the same time,
6:52
Speaker 1: I started looking at the different factors of my life,
6:55
Speaker 1: specifically UM and I am one of the anomalies, but
6:59
Speaker 1: started to become more of a norm now. But I
7:01
Speaker 1: guess more of anomaly in my age group who has
7:04
Speaker 1: hit the forties mark to not have a family. I
7:06
Speaker 1: don't have children, I don't have a spouse. I have
7:08
Speaker 1: a partner. But as committed as we are, we're still
7:12
Speaker 1: very independent. I don't own a home. I'm absolutely renting
7:17
Speaker 1: in a very cute little home that I've made for
7:19
Speaker 1: myself but doesn't include neighbors in the building. Yes, do
7:23
Speaker 1: we share a washer dryer as a unit. Yes. I
7:27
Speaker 1: am able to afford my own car. I am now
7:30
Speaker 1: getting to the point that I'm actually fixing my teeth
7:32
Speaker 1: like an adult that should have been fixed twenty five
7:35
Speaker 1: years ago apparently. But yeah, all these things. I have
7:38
Speaker 1: a dog, I don't have children. I have just figured
7:41
Speaker 1: out what the hell this four oh one k life
7:44
Speaker 1: is and savings is about. Uh that, of course, I
7:47
Speaker 1: also has to do with me being in a job
7:50
Speaker 1: that is woefully neglected by the government, by the economy,
7:56
Speaker 1: by society in itself, and so getting pennies to a
8:00
Speaker 1: job that worked me twenty hours a day. So we
8:03
Speaker 1: know that there are those are the outside influences to that.
8:07
Speaker 1: But all of that to say, you know, I'm not
8:09
Speaker 1: your typical in that I'm not in that housewife, wife, mother,
8:16
Speaker 1: grandmother state of being. So my midlife prices, I feel
8:21
Speaker 1: like it's very different from what we know of. And
8:24
Speaker 1: I'm sure there needs to be new data and I'm
8:26
Speaker 1: sure that it will come upon it one day. Yes,
8:29
Speaker 1: maybe I said this as a question into the this,
8:33
Speaker 1: but like all of these things, so I'm like, what
8:35
Speaker 1: is this? Is this? What this looks like? Who am I? Um?
8:41
Speaker 1: And it also comes down to the point like one
8:43
Speaker 1: of the big questions is the definitions and maybe this
8:46
Speaker 1: new crisis, what men were going through, what we have
8:49
Speaker 1: seen men do just literally putting caution to the wind.
8:54
Speaker 1: Again stereotypically, I'm not necessarily say that that's all true,
8:57
Speaker 1: but my stereotype at what we see as a care
9:00
Speaker 1: curture of well not too much of a caricature, but
9:03
Speaker 1: like a little stretch, a little bit of a stretch
9:05
Speaker 1: that men just kind of put throw caution to the
9:07
Speaker 1: wind and move on. That women who are have become breadwinners,
9:13
Speaker 1: have become more likely to have less children, have become
9:16
Speaker 1: less dependent on men because we earn our own money.
9:19
Speaker 1: There's a wide gender gap. We know this gender pay gap.
9:22
Speaker 1: We know this, but it's at one point in time
9:25
Speaker 1: did seem like it was closing a bit for some
9:29
Speaker 1: of the communities. Uh So that also means less dependency
9:33
Speaker 1: on our men if it is a heterosis relationship. So
9:38
Speaker 1: that's changed all around. So I'm wondering if we are.
9:42
Speaker 1: We haven't seen or talk about it as much for
9:44
Speaker 1: women until recently because of those changes, which is where
9:50
Speaker 1: I am. I would probably be the face of that,
9:54
Speaker 1: not necessarily, but just like the lack of having all
9:56
Speaker 1: of those responsibilities that once was always on women. Mm hmmm,
10:01
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Yeah, I have a lot of kind
10:20
Speaker 1: of varying thoughts about this. When I was growing up,
10:22
Speaker 1: my mom had a best friend who was an artist,
10:26
Speaker 1: since she was kind of known as, like affectionately, the weirdo.
10:31
Speaker 1: But she when she approached I guess her her she
10:36
Speaker 1: had her midlife crisis. I don't know if she did,
10:39
Speaker 1: but she bought this jeep that was bright sunburnt orange,
10:44
Speaker 1: and everyone joked it was her midlife crisis car. And
10:49
Speaker 1: I was a kid, and I remember hearing that thinking
10:54
Speaker 1: that's interesting. But to this day, like I do remember that.
10:58
Speaker 1: I remember, and she was the one who made the
11:01
Speaker 1: money in that particular family situation, and she did have
11:06
Speaker 1: a lot going on, difficult things going on. So I
11:10
Speaker 1: think of that. I also think, like, again, I don't
11:15
Speaker 1: I haven't had a midlife crisis all. I don't think
11:19
Speaker 1: I've had a quarter life crisis. But recently I've been
11:22
Speaker 1: thinking because Quarantine universary is this weekend for me, for
11:26
Speaker 1: a lot of us, and I'm going to celebrate it.
11:29
Speaker 1: But I was thinking, like, wow, this is two years.
11:32
Speaker 1: You've barely loved this apartment two years. And that made
11:38
Speaker 1: me pause. That made me pause for a second, because
11:41
Speaker 1: I am somebody who's very like I want to do
11:44
Speaker 1: all the stuff, and I want to go everywhere, and
11:46
Speaker 1: I want to travel, and in a lot of ways,
11:48
Speaker 1: staying in my apartment has been not a bad thing
11:51
Speaker 1: and interesting and I've learned a lot. But I think
11:55
Speaker 1: in that way of what you're saying of women now
12:01
Speaker 1: not kind of changing the roles the from what the
12:04
Speaker 1: stereotypical traditional role was too. Now are much more like
12:09
Speaker 1: late to get married or get a house or if
12:11
Speaker 1: we do those things at all. I did have that
12:13
Speaker 1: moment of like, is not a waste of a two years, right,
12:19
Speaker 1: kind only that's what it is, but that actually that's
12:22
Speaker 1: a good segue because I all thought, well, maybe it's
12:24
Speaker 1: not this midlife crisis that I'm at. Maybe that's not
12:27
Speaker 1: what it is. Maybe it's this existential crisis, which I've
12:32
Speaker 1: always heard it seems such like a kitchy like goofy
12:35
Speaker 1: word that people use just to be real out there,
12:38
Speaker 1: like like kind of like the new ag level of
12:41
Speaker 1: like what is this? You know, yes, I have to
12:44
Speaker 1: use the noise for that, um and if you don't know,
12:49
Speaker 1: an existential crisis is a psychological episode in which a
12:51
Speaker 1: person questions the meaning of their life and of existence itself.
12:56
Speaker 1: And that's from dictionary dot com and y'all yeah, yeah,
13:00
Speaker 1: I think especially for so many of us in the
13:04
Speaker 1: last two years, that has been the moment like what
13:09
Speaker 1: is this life? And oh my god? What am I here? For?
13:13
Speaker 1: Am I making a difference? And of course there's a
13:15
Speaker 1: bigger conversation in this, because there's an intersectionality in this
13:19
Speaker 1: conversation about this type of crisis when it comes to
13:21
Speaker 1: climate change, when it comes to racial issues, when it
13:24
Speaker 1: comes to working within um war torn countries, and what
13:28
Speaker 1: that looks like for them when we talk about feminism
13:31
Speaker 1: in itself and feminist issues today, we know that Texas
13:35
Speaker 1: has has allowed for that really overarching anti abortion law,
13:40
Speaker 1: which is really upsetting and as a whole other I know,
13:44
Speaker 1: segue we're gonna have to get into because a lot
13:46
Speaker 1: of big changes that are happening, and I hate it.
13:48
Speaker 1: I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. But
13:50
Speaker 1: it does put you into that moment of the crisis
13:53
Speaker 1: and also with that existential dread. Yeah, I'm talking about that.
13:59
Speaker 1: So what is intial dread again? It's that same questioning
14:02
Speaker 1: of life and death and the uncertainties that surrounds them,
14:06
Speaker 1: like you literally sit and dread and weight on it.
14:09
Speaker 1: It's kind of bad, Like it's the what's the meaning
14:11
Speaker 1: of life? Why should I care about this? Oh? My god?
14:15
Speaker 1: Is are we killing humankind? There's no hope And I'm
14:22
Speaker 1: laughing because if we don't we cry? Am I right?
14:29
Speaker 1: Am I right? One blogger from the Stop Psychological Services
14:34
Speaker 1: says about it. It's oftentimes triggered by things like unwanted
14:38
Speaker 1: life transitions, the feeling of reaching a standstill in life,
14:43
Speaker 1: life altering experiences, traumatic experiences, crisis on a larger scale
14:48
Speaker 1: could be as depression and anxiety. Yes, I have both
14:51
Speaker 1: those things, death of a loved one, feeling like you're
14:54
Speaker 1: failing at your career, losing faith in religion y'all. Like
14:57
Speaker 1: I said, that was my quarter life crisis. Like there's
15:00
Speaker 1: so many of those things that line up with it.
15:03
Speaker 1: And we talk about this on an intersectional level when
15:06
Speaker 1: we talk about for women, for black women, for women
15:10
Speaker 1: who are dealing with climate change or actually acknowledging it
15:13
Speaker 1: and trying to make a change, Like we see this
15:15
Speaker 1: in the deeper level of oh my god, we've failed.
15:19
Speaker 1: What do we do? Or no one's listening? What do
15:22
Speaker 1: we do? And honestly, being a social worker, it was
15:28
Speaker 1: consistent like it's it's it's feeling like I'm constantly failing.
15:32
Speaker 1: Nothing is changing. I can't change the system from where
15:35
Speaker 1: I'm at, but no one from the head up cares
15:39
Speaker 1: enough to actually change it, which I feel like we've
15:42
Speaker 1: seen more and more today. Maybe it's because of social
15:45
Speaker 1: media that we actually can acknowledge that fact that we
15:49
Speaker 1: see the pay discrepancies. We see the amount that CEOs
15:54
Speaker 1: and corporations make and how little they're willing to get
15:56
Speaker 1: to their own employees who are actually running the company
15:59
Speaker 1: and making the profit for the company. You know again,
16:03
Speaker 1: I know I go into this spill a lot, but
16:05
Speaker 1: there's been moments of like, how do we change this?
16:08
Speaker 1: So because I can't figure out how to change this
16:10
Speaker 1: on a massive scale, I'm like, I need to change
16:12
Speaker 1: something about my life, my surroundings right now. Annie, let's
16:16
Speaker 1: go on a resort trip where it's sustainable and conscientious.
16:21
Speaker 1: I've been trying, and he's not listening to this, she
16:23
Speaker 1: sent me. I'm listening, but I have gotten many texts
16:26
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I'm unclear how I should respond this.
16:32
Speaker 1: I think it's a fun idea. That's a great idea.
16:36
Speaker 1: What do you want me to do? I'm just you know,
16:40
Speaker 1: it's like it's the motion, your approach, it tense. Dog.
16:44
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, yeah, it is. It's true, y'all. I
16:47
Speaker 1: get very intense about it that we need to do
16:49
Speaker 1: this right now, which makes me really over avertly passionate
16:53
Speaker 1: about things. And honestly, this has put me into maybe
16:57
Speaker 1: this is part of again my crisis in general, put
17:00
Speaker 1: me into astrology and back into astrology and astronomy because
17:05
Speaker 1: I'm like, what if this is exactly who I am,
17:07
Speaker 1: which also leads me back to, oh, I don't actually
17:09
Speaker 1: know my birthdate because I was adopted. I don't know
17:11
Speaker 1: if this is true. I don't know when I was born.
17:13
Speaker 1: I don't actually know where I was born. Oh God,
17:15
Speaker 1: I was wrong with me. There's so many things, so
17:19
Speaker 1: many layers to this, and of course this is women's
17:22
Speaker 1: history months. So I'm like, are we making an impact?
17:25
Speaker 1: Are we okay? Y'all? I'm not okay? Can you tell
17:32
Speaker 1: someone sitting there donuts um? But you know, I have
17:39
Speaker 1: a feeling, like I said, because of the things that
17:42
Speaker 1: we've gone through in the last two years, last four
17:45
Speaker 1: years for many people, all of their lives. Again, that's
17:48
Speaker 1: that intersectional level that we really do want to talk about.
17:51
Speaker 1: This is a consistent thing like trying to live it
17:54
Speaker 1: out and not even realizing you're in a crisis moment
17:57
Speaker 1: and also not realized not being able to do anything
17:59
Speaker 1: about it. I joke about the fact that I could
18:02
Speaker 1: do these things. I'm not gonna lie. I have definitely
18:04
Speaker 1: gotten the privilege of actually being paid, still not being
18:07
Speaker 1: paid as much as our mail counterparts that I guarantee,
18:11
Speaker 1: but still being paid a lot more than what I
18:13
Speaker 1: was when I was working a job that really really
18:16
Speaker 1: had a lot of emotional mental impact. Um, not that
18:20
Speaker 1: this doesn't it does, but not to that same level,
18:23
Speaker 1: knowing that I could actually get that done, knowing that
18:26
Speaker 1: if it came down to it, Yes, I'm finally again
18:29
Speaker 1: getting to being a like be able to address my
18:32
Speaker 1: issues with teeth because it seems to be a privilege,
18:35
Speaker 1: which it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be dental care, I care.
18:40
Speaker 1: Mental health should not be a privilege. And that's again
18:44
Speaker 1: all right, cool, cool, cool. I am able to have
18:46
Speaker 1: the time to do these things because I don't have
18:49
Speaker 1: children that I'm responsible for and scheduling for them as
18:52
Speaker 1: well or paying for them as well. I know this.
18:56
Speaker 1: I know that this is a privilege beyond measure. And
18:59
Speaker 1: so for manyeople who are constantly into crisis adding this
19:03
Speaker 1: to it, and especially again when it comes to women,
19:07
Speaker 1: women of color, are marginalized people's this is a whole
19:09
Speaker 1: different level. And I joke about what it is, and
19:12
Speaker 1: we joke about it as a stereotype because we do
19:14
Speaker 1: see it as a middle class privilege. Having a midlife
19:17
Speaker 1: crisis is an upper middle class privilege, and it's absurd. Yeah,
19:35
Speaker 1: I think you touched on something that we've talked about
19:38
Speaker 1: a lot in coping with trauma and some unhealthy coping
19:42
Speaker 1: mechanisms with trauma, which is control and like a feeling
19:45
Speaker 1: of control and that you're you feel like all of
19:47
Speaker 1: this stuff in your life is out of your control.
19:50
Speaker 1: You can't fix all of these things, So buy a house, right, No,
19:57
Speaker 1: make you feel better like that? That makes sense to me.
20:00
Speaker 1: It is unfortunate that we feel so out of control.
20:05
Speaker 1: There's so many aspects of our lives. But it does
20:09
Speaker 1: make sense to me that having this moment of like
20:12
Speaker 1: I need to do something that makes me feel like
20:15
Speaker 1: I have some modicum of control in my life. And
20:19
Speaker 1: again for women, those who are in the marginalized communities,
20:23
Speaker 1: that is compounded by the responsibility that's given to you. Immediately. Yes,
20:29
Speaker 1: white men, we are saying you have you have it easier,
20:33
Speaker 1: so shut up, don't come at me when it comes
20:37
Speaker 1: to basic conversations like this. Uh So, one of the
20:41
Speaker 1: things in the helpline article that I was reading, it
20:43
Speaker 1: does say, um many other symptoms of midlife crisis overlap
20:47
Speaker 1: with depression, anxiety disorders, and hormonal imbalances. Again, they talked
20:52
Speaker 1: about me in in a pausible bit and that there are
20:55
Speaker 1: like things that you can do when it comes to
20:58
Speaker 1: medication and a depresses all of that at that if
21:00
Speaker 1: you truly need it. Sure, I'm one of those who
21:03
Speaker 1: will always say if it's something that you actually need
21:05
Speaker 1: and helps you, go at it UM. As long as
21:08
Speaker 1: it's not harming or you're not abusing it, great, But
21:11
Speaker 1: there are some other ways they say that you can
21:14
Speaker 1: uh offset this is what they called midlife blues, which
21:18
Speaker 1: it's patronizing, but okay, it says talk to a therapist.
21:23
Speaker 1: Once again, we've talked about this before. How that is
21:25
Speaker 1: a privilege in itself. I said it earlier. It's absurd,
21:28
Speaker 1: but it is, and I'm sorry and I hate it.
21:31
Speaker 1: But if you are able to do so, do it.
21:33
Speaker 1: CONNTO therapy, life coaching group therapy might be something that
21:36
Speaker 1: could help, especially when it comes to grief, managing anxiety,
21:39
Speaker 1: UM and maybe even just future planning. Who knows. Talking
21:42
Speaker 1: to your friends, if you have really good friends, it's nice.
21:46
Speaker 1: As in fact, they said in the same article, a
21:48
Speaker 1: two thousand twelve studies shows that what many women know
21:50
Speaker 1: from firsthand experience, midlife is easier if you're surrounded by
21:54
Speaker 1: a circle of friends. Women with friends have a greater
21:57
Speaker 1: sense of well being than those who don't. Not even
22:00
Speaker 1: family members have as great an impact. And I feel like, yes,
22:04
Speaker 1: I can attest to this again, any and Caroline were
22:08
Speaker 1: two of the people I immediate oh and Dominique of
22:10
Speaker 1: course immediately texted like help, I'm going to buy one
22:14
Speaker 1: of these things, and just having them could be like okay,
22:17
Speaker 1: what it was just like coming bringing me back to
22:22
Speaker 1: reality was like, okay, you are correct, Thank you very much.
22:24
Speaker 1: I needed that. But I think that's a really big
22:27
Speaker 1: part of it. And again for my parents. For my mom,
22:30
Speaker 1: she didn't have friends. I told we talked about that
22:32
Speaker 1: earlier another episode. She didn't have friends until after all
22:35
Speaker 1: her kids left, and her friends were her kids. So
22:39
Speaker 1: that is also a privileged thing as well, which makes
22:42
Speaker 1: me sad. It shouldn't have to be. But I know
22:45
Speaker 1: if all you do is work, there's not not so
22:48
Speaker 1: and then you just want to come home and rest.
22:50
Speaker 1: There's so little you can different about that, and that's
22:52
Speaker 1: again a different conversation. Reconnect with nature. As I said,
22:56
Speaker 1: go touch to the grass. I have very muddy grass.
22:58
Speaker 1: But whatever, but we uh, my partner has family in
23:02
Speaker 1: Florida near the beach. He took me there to be
23:04
Speaker 1: like I needy to calm down and it did help. Um.
23:08
Speaker 1: Talking about your home remedies and healthy eating again, I'm
23:12
Speaker 1: not gonna say that's the thing, is their suggestion. I
23:15
Speaker 1: don't know, but some people do like hobbies. So if
23:17
Speaker 1: it's learning to make bread, go at it. Plant learning
23:21
Speaker 1: to plant gardens beautiful. I mean, that has been two
23:23
Speaker 1: of the big things that I've seen people do as
23:27
Speaker 1: uh self care. They need to be able to care
23:30
Speaker 1: for their plants, or are being able to learn to
23:33
Speaker 1: bake bread or doing these things. If that's something you need, great. Uh.
23:37
Speaker 1: If you are someone who struggles with eating and you
23:40
Speaker 1: want to figure out something healthy, cool, just do it
23:43
Speaker 1: in a manner that is showing love to yourself period
23:46
Speaker 1: um and not abiding by unattainable standards that are set
23:51
Speaker 1: by society, which is stupid and usually the meaning and
23:54
Speaker 1: very very false and damaging to women. Put that in
23:58
Speaker 1: there right down, You've accomplished. You know, that's not a
24:01
Speaker 1: bad idea. And he just got into shock mode and
24:04
Speaker 1: then take steps toward a new future. I don't know
24:06
Speaker 1: what that means. Uh, talking about maybe hey, you are writing,
24:11
Speaker 1: write that novel you've been talking about, don't write that novel,
24:14
Speaker 1: Toss that that novel. Whatever you need to do. Have
24:17
Speaker 1: a cleansing party, you know, taking all the things that
24:20
Speaker 1: you thought was bad in your life. Burn that in
24:23
Speaker 1: a very contained environment. I don't know. Get into astrology
24:29
Speaker 1: like me and tell me about my signs. Someone tell
24:31
Speaker 1: me about my side. Okay, I was worked up twenty
24:36
Speaker 1: six and then there are so many other things. Reading
24:40
Speaker 1: books again, doing what is something that you love, whether
24:45
Speaker 1: it's taking time off and again, maybe taking a bath,
24:49
Speaker 1: maybe that's your thing. Uh, sitting, crocheting. I tried that.
24:53
Speaker 1: I didn't get very far with that, but okay, well
24:55
Speaker 1: when I come back and revisit this, watching a favorite
24:58
Speaker 1: loved movie, whatever you you need, reaching out to an
25:01
Speaker 1: old friend that you've missed, all the good things. There
25:03
Speaker 1: are some suggestions, but yeah, for those who are with me,
25:07
Speaker 1: I love you, I'm thinking of you. Don't buy that
25:09
Speaker 1: thing you don't need. I'm just gonna be okay. Or
25:13
Speaker 1: do if it makes you happy. Yeah, yeah, I think
25:18
Speaker 1: the key is to like, not do it on impulse,
25:20
Speaker 1: like sure thin take take a week before you actually
25:25
Speaker 1: think about it. Talk to people about it. Let's see,
25:29
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything yet. Yeah, well there's time,
25:33
Speaker 1: but you know, give me a minute though. Yeah, well,
25:35
Speaker 1: converse about that later. But yes, yes, yes, yes listeners.
25:41
Speaker 1: If you have any experience with this, any ideas about this,
25:44
Speaker 1: any thoughts, we would love to hear from you. Our
25:46
Speaker 1: email is stuff Need Your Mom Stuff at iHeart media
25:48
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff.
25:51
Speaker 1: Podcasts are on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You.
25:53
Speaker 1: Thanks as always to our super producer Christina. Thank you, Christina,
25:56
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told
25:58
Speaker 1: You the protection of I Heart Radio. For more podcast
26:00
Speaker 1: from my Heart Radio, visit the high radio app Apple podcast.
26:03
Speaker 1: Where do you listen to favorite shops