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🌿 Hannah Rose: From Addiction to Recovery | Motherhood, Healing, and Transformation · Eye Opener Society

• 0:00
  Hello, and welcome back to another episode of The Sound Within with your host, Hannah Rose.
• 0:10
  I just wanted to touch on a couple of things that has to do with parenthood and motherhood.
• 0:25
  I will start out
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  by just sharing a little
• 0:31
  bit of my experience which was
• 0:35
  having my daughter who is now eight at 16 years old so when i decided to have
• 0:47
  her it was really a an intuitive decision because I knew that motherhood would be difficult,
• 0:56
  especially at such a young age.
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  But I also knew that the love that I had for the child that was inside of me,
• 1:09
  was so much more than what that struggle looked like to me at the time.
• 1:17
  And it was just a gut feeling. And if I hadn't have decided that,
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  I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter, who I love so dearly.
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  She deserves so much more than I can give her emotionally.
• 1:44
  And I often reflect on that,
• 1:48
  and I carry a lot of guilt and a lot of shame with me because I have had my
• 1:56
  own struggles and difficulties in the time that she has been on Earth.
• 2:09
  And I feel as if there was a shift at some point,
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  and it had a lot to do with my active addiction at the time,
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  I was a very nurturing
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  and caring and attentive mother for the first two years of her life and things
• 2:42
  kind of went downhill at the two-year mark because I started using really heavily,
• 2:50
  and she was with me for some of that time and it came to a point in my addiction where I,
• 3:02
  thought it would be better off, thought
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  she would be better off being taken care of by my wonderful parents who stepped
• 3:13
  in and gave her all of the love and all of the physical needs were met when I couldn't do that.
• 3:28
  And I think that it's important to point out that.
• 3:40
  I didn't, at the time, see it as abandonment.
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  I thought that I was doing the right thing for her so that she could have all
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  of the love and the attention and the care that she needed.
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  And I don't regret that at all.
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  Because had I have, you know, drug her through the mud, with me,
• 4:12
  we both might not be here today.
• 4:20
  And so I am proud to have five years clean and sober as of August 27th of 2025.
• 4:44
  And because of how far into my journey I am, it seems like such a small feat,
• 4:52
  but it's so much more than that.
• 4:56
  And it continues to be much more than that every time that I move forward through
• 5:05
  difficult situations and hard feelings,
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  rather than reverting back to substances that no longer serve me.
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  And I now have a stepdaughter as well.
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  She is 15, she'll be 16 in just a couple of weeks here.
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  And I often find it very difficult for me to hold a bond with either of them.
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  And I think it's because a lot of the trust issues that I have instilled upon them.
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  And that's no fault but my own.
• 6:06
  But I really wish that I would have taken a different path as a mother.
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  And I don't think that anybody in this life thinks that they're a perfect parent or a perfect mother.
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  But I feel like
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  I see a lot of families and witness a lot of families sharing a kind of love
• 6:48
  that we may not experience.
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  And it's not because we don't love each other.
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  I think that our love and our bond is so much stronger because of all of the
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  shit that we've been through.
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  But for that time that I was gone out of my daughter's life,
• 7:17
  which was about two, maybe three years ago.
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  The mother-daughter bond that we had when she was a newborn.
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  Isn't the same kind of bond that I'm going to have with her 8-year-old self.
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  And the bond that I have with her 8-year-old self is not the bond that I'm going
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  to share with her 16-year-old self.
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  And it goes on and on. So why would I dwell on everything that went wrong When
• 8:00
  I could dwell on all of the things that have gone right And all of the things that are going right,
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  Like both of my daughters being here with me and my husband,
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  And they are safe and they're clothed and their sad.
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  But I still carry a lot of guilt with me throughout my existence.
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  And I think most of it is just me trying to mother while still trying to mother myself.
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  That's the most difficult thing, isn't it?
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  Trying to parent yourself while trying to parent someone else.
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  So you are not only the parent, but also the child in this scenario because
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  you are reprogramming yourself.
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  You're rewiring your central nervous system.
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  You are rewiring everything that's been instilled upon you over the years,
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  whether that was from your parents or society or peers.
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  But a mother's love knows no bounds. So as guilty as I might feel about all
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  of the mistakes that I have made,
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  I also feel very proud to know that even though I'm not the perfect mother that
• 9:49
  I would hope to be, I'm present.
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  I'm clean.
• 10:00
  And I have peace of mind because of the modalities that I have integrated into
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  my existence, like sound healing,
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  intentional breathing,
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  grounding myself when needed.
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  And,
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  that is all a child could ever ask for is for their parent to be present and,
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  improving themselves each day,
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  And it might not all come together all at once It might take years For me to
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  be the mother that I wish to be,
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  But all I can do Is keep putting one step forward,
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  And being the best mother that I can be Even on the bad days and just knowing that that's enough.
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  I want both of my girls to know that I love them more than anything in this world.
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  And I would never do anything to intentionally hurt.
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  I hope that one day, I can say that I am where I want to be in motherhood.
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  Or I might not ever think that.
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  But my point of this message Is that no parent Is the perfect parent No parent
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  has Not had struggles And doubts And fears,
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  But all you can do From here on out is be the best you that you can be,
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  the you that you would have wanted for you as a child, which I had.
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  And so now I just have to learn to give what was so generously given to me.
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  Thank you for listening to my message and tune in to eye opener society for
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  more awesome content and another episode of the sound within next week.