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RAISING A SON WHILE BLIND · Blind But Now I See

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Back at it for another episode of the Blinde. But
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I see show. I am your host FOBC, not the
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: hood Ray, Charles Blinde, Poppy if you nasty, the Official
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: blind Stepper, the voice of the Disabls. And you know where.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: We're at two sixty five Canal Street, WTF Media Studio
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm in here with my producer engine there. And
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I know y'all heard me say this before. My future
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: manager be working on it. My dog Wolf, what's going on?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: You know? We locked in and I couldn't let this
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: one go out without acknowledging my Visually. I paid people,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: my people that you going to sleep in the dog,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: you wa getting up to the dog, You're washing in
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: the dog, You're cooking in the dog. I had to
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: put on for y'all. You learned something new every day.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I learned that this month is visually what they call
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: it Blindness Awareness Month. So I had to put on
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: for my people. You know, I know people may say, hey,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you the voice, you the official blind Stepper, but you're
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: not putting on for your people. I'm putting on for
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: my people this month. And www. Dot FOBC dot com,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: that's where all my content is at. You can book
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: me through there and everything else reached me. Just say
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: hello and be locked in. But today's episode, we're gonna
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: talk about being blind, like being a blind father, raising
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: a a king while being blind. It's kind of hard,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: but I make the best out of it. I can't crack.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I can't fold because my son looking up to me.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: He depends on me. But I gotta put my differences
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: aside and how I feel, and I gotta get up
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: and cook that breakfast in the morning. I gotta go
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: wash that uniform. I gotta go on that uniform. I
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: gotta be the strong version I can be for him,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: because if I crack, then it's like the Domino effect.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: He gonna go right down with me. I can't allow that.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: And I know it's a lot of parents home that's
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: visually I paid, or even in the wheelchair, whatever the case. Mean,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: your disability is facing the same thing. I know I
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: might be hitting home when I'm talking about this. It
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: might shed a tick because it's like, damn, nobody would
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: never understand. Nobody would really understand our pain that we
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: go through, like be around watching our kids grow up,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: but we not physically seeing our kids grow up. It's
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: like last time I seen my child, he was one
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: years old, so it was like his feature changes. He's
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: told now, I would do anything just to see that more,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: just to see. It's to a point where I'm ready
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: to like, Joe, just give me ten seconds to see
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: and you can take my vision back and let me
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: just see my baby boy one time, one more time.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: And every time we leave out the house and he like,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I see you later, father, I said, damn, God, just
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: give me that ten seconds right now to see him
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: walk in. He come in the house, our school. It
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: was good. This then, yo, God give me that ten seconds.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Let me just see him again. So it's like, I
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: know I'm not the only one that's feeling like this.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I know on the other side of that that can
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: on that screen you feel the same fucking way. And
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: we're gonna get deep into it. We're gonna talk about
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: it because it's like this is stuff that people need
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: to know. We need to get it out in the
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: world more so people can understand where we're coming from
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: and how we coming because we coming hard. So what
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: we're gonna get into, like what we're talking about really today.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Wilf all right, So the first thing is man, I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: got a couple of courses I want to ask you about.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: You know some of the challenges you face while raising
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: the sun while being blind. But the first thing I
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: want to ask you is what is the hardest part
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: about raising your son?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: The hardest part about raising my son is other people
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: helping me raise them. For instance, taking him to the park,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: someone to play basketball. He say, you want to lick
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: into basketball this year. I was great at basketball when
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I could see. But now I got to depend on
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: somebody to be my eyes to let me know if
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: his farm is right. Gotta let somebody. I got to
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: depend on a person the like just the dude, the
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: little wist. Shit. When it comes to my child, that
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: shit bothers me the most. It hurts me the most
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: because growing up, yeah, I didn't have my father in
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: my life. My grandfather, my stepfather was hands on with me.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: They showed me how to shoot that basketball, They showed
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: me how to be a man, how to drive. I
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: would never be able to teach my son how to drive.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And it's like when he first was born, this is
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: the shit I was waiting for. This is the times
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I really wanted. It started off me pushing him in
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: the swing, and it's like I'm walking into fatherhood until
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: being I get shot and I lose my vision. Now
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: it's like I need somebody to take me to that
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: park to push him on that swing. I need somebody
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: to the guy the gud him to make sure he's
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: coming down there and slide and not hurting himself. Now
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: he's big now, he's fourteen year one thousand percent. But
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: growing up, it's like I always imagine, like damn, I'm
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: gonna sit on this couch with my child. We're gonna
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: play basketball on the game. We're gonna play football, We're
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: gonna play wrestling, We're gonna do different things, and it's like,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: believe it or not. As a father, I feel like
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I depend on my son more than I know he
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: on me. But I depend on his vision for me
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: when we walking to the store, when we going to
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: buy sneakers, when we're going to buy clothes, depending on
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: his vision when it's supposed to be the other way around.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I feel like I even though it's like I am
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: schooling him about fashion and everything else, I feel like
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not really one hundred percent doing it. I feel
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: like it's like we splitting this shit fifty to fifty
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: and that that shit hurts me the most. Even when
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: it comes down to homework. He running into a problem.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: It's like I would have to call around the world
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: they do this problem because me saying this in my
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: head a hundred times, sometimes I still don't get the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: picture to solve this problem. When we dealing with math
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: and different shit a one. But it's like it's just tricky.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: It's hard. Sometimes I be wanting to cry behind it,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: but I'd be having to stand up like I can't.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I can't fold now. I've been doing this shit for
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: twelve years. I sad it's thirteen. I can't fold now.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: So it's like and another thing too, is like I
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: go through hard times doesn't mean I'm gonna go to
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: sleep and wake up and sit gonna get easier. Now,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard the next
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: day and the day after that the same way. It
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: might be even harder because now he's getting older and
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: he's running to different ship go he going junior high
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: school here in high school, you know you ever had
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: that moment when your father took you to the store
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: to pick out your prom outfit, Your graduation outfit like that,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: that real fall in and that fall then sun time,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: that bond, no shade. Now we gotta take his mother
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: to beat the judgment of oh what were you doing
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: or how are we coming? It's like that ship, those
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: moments that I would never get on my child. But
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: then I'm proud to say I survived it to be
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: here with my child. So it's a lot of hard
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: moments I run into when it comes to him. Yeah,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and I ain't gonna stop him. It's gonna keep it's
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: gonna keep going. My son got a whole life spinning
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to go. Yeah, definitely do thirteen just got here. Come on, man.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: We in no high school yet, no college yet. He
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: start talking to me about girls yet, just different shit.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: So it's like I can't. I can't fold now. Hard
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: times just beginning. He's not little no more, he's a
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: young man now. For certain things I will take him
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: outside to see. I can't because I need his uncle
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: to be out there with us. The show. You don't
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: do shit like this, you don't move like that, you
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: don't do this, so he could actually see what's going on.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I'm in the dark. I can't really can't show him
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I can tell him, but sometimes you gotta be visual
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: when you're showing people some things to show like this
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: is the right things and the right ways to go
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: about it. But even being a blind father, your job
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: never stops. You always got to keep working when it
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: comes to your kid. Like I teach my son how
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: to be independent, how to wash your own clothes, how
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: to cook, how to be a man, because at the
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: end of the day, I don't want my son depending
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: on nobody or having to depend on nobody. I depend
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: on people. It's the worst thing ever. I ain't gonna
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: hold you. I hate that shit. So I teach my
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: son how to stand on his own, how to you
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: feel me the little at simplest thing, like how to
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: own your clothes. Before I ain't gonna lie. I felt
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: like I was sheltering my child. So one day I
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: sat there and said, naw, you wanna eyne your clothes today? Bro.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: He looked at me like, I never did this before
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: in thirteen years, But you're gonna learn today. Now you
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: like oozer noodles and all that, Now you're gonna cook
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: your own oozer noodles. Now you're gonna learn how to
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: cook your own while food. You're gonna learn how to
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: do certain things, because if I keep doing this, I'm
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: enabing you and for life. It's like I'm stopping you
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: from really going through the stages of being a young
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: man to a man. To a point you're always gonna
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: look for your mother to do it. You always gonna
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: look for me to do it. You get a woman,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: you're gonna look for your woman to do it. And
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: that's not acceptable. My grandfather in hold my hand to
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: a lot of situations. My step father didn hold my
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: hands to a lot of situations. And the other men
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: that was in my life didn't do it either. Like
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I had to go through them stages of really being
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a man, like cleaning up behind yourself like some people
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and there's no shade. It's some grown that's men out
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: here that don't even know how to wash their ass correctly.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And it's because they mother held their hand for so long.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: It won't be my child. Facts, Nah, bro, if you
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: smit yourself, you know, you smit yourself before anybody else do.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Go wash your ass, take care of your stuff, wipe
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: your stuff like. That's one thing I honestly said about
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: my son that he took after me how to take
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: care of his shit, because one thing I told him,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: you take care of your shit and you get more
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: and you just add on to the collection. Nah, I'm
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: fucking this up and I gotta throw this away. Now
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: you limited to switching up. Like when you go outside,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you you're representing me the most important. You represent yourself.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: People see you. I feel like people see you two
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: blocks before you even coming. So I always teach him
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: that independent, Like, you got to be an independent man. Bro.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: You can't be sitting up here and saying I can't
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: watch my clothes. Then we call my mother so she
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: can do it. You can't say and say me and
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: like it's no shape to the people that drop off
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: their clothes to the laundry. But I feel like, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: feel like you should definitely know how to wash your clothes,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: just in case that service is not available for you
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: at that moment in time. Let you know how to maneuver, Like,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: maneuver out of it. Some people don't know to boil water,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: and that's bad. Now. I watch my stepfather in that kitchen,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I watch my grandfather, I watch my mother, my grandmother.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I learned from them too to being a man. I
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: feel like all real men needs a powerful woman behind them,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: and I had numerous powerful women behind me, my mother,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: my grandmother, my aunts, my cousins, and I feel like
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: that's part of like they put in to me being
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: a man that I am today. The only thing I'm
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: trying to do it just pour it into my child. Now,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: it'll be going to be great. Bro, your voice is everything.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: And if you're not independent, it's like you're a slouch.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I don't raise no slouches. Sorry, can't do it, not today,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: not tomorrow, not never. One thing for sure, being this
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: powerful blind man, I tell my son, Nay, hard times
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: don't stop us. Even when we hit the floor, We're
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: gonna bounce back up. And I show him. I don't
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: tell him, I show him. He see the struggle I
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: go through every day. But one thing he can honestly say,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: my father is a hustler. My father gonna wake up.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Even though his down days, he gonna get out. He
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: gonna go out there and he gonna do what we
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: gotta do to provide for me. Even though his down days,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: he gonna get up. He's gonna be that father for me.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: He gonna make sure my homework is done he's gonna
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: make sure I'm getting to school. He gonna make sure
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: when them teachers called and I walke through that door,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: he's gonna be on my ass. He don't take no
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: days off from being a father. And that's when I
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: really put into my child. It's like I felt like
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I hit rock bottom. I lost my vision. I felt
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: like I can't I can't hit the wall no harder.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: But it don't stop me from being that father. It's like,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: how do it look me gonna on vacation because I'm
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: going through something and I'm leaving my son behind. I'd
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: be like, just like, I'll be just like the rest
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: of the men that run out on our kids' life
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: when they feel like it's too hard to raise these people. Nah,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I make it work. And I feel like my son's
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: gonna be powerful off of seeing the strength that his
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: father carry every day. Like I feel like kids know
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: when something going on with their parents. My son knows
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: something when it's something that's going on with me. He
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: comes back and forth. He makes sure he do little
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: things like putting YouTube clips up for me, or putting
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: my clip up on YouTube on Facebook so people can
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: know a new podcast is out. But I look at
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: it like he's being strong for me, so why can
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I not be strong for him? I feel like not
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: for nothing with I feel like he learned that shit
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: already at thirteen. I feel like and even and listening
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: to him talk, he could be dead wrong, but the
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: strong he gonna stand on that shit be cause it's
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: like it's just really hard to explain how your kids
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: really mimic you. Like my son is strong as shit,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Like I walke through the whole ways. He'll bumped his
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: chest into minds and I said there, say you better
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: get that little bird ass chests out of here. Here.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: But what you're gonna do? I said, you're talking like
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: a big man. But just for that moment, I sat
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: there and say, I know he's he's playing and he's
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: not scared of me, but I know when he run
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: across that problem in the streets, he's gonna stand tall.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: He's going to be strong. Like I got raised by
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a blind I got raised by a blind father. It's
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: nothing that you can do to put me down really
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: too tough like, And people might say, oh, why would
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: he feel like that? This? That, and the third's like
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: he was raised different, then you be raised by a
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: blond man and be as powerful as you. That shit
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: is powerful, that's bro. It's people that got two eyes
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: that came and raise their fucking kids.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Right to two eyes, foul limbs or whatever, you know
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: what I mean, and everything else.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: He set the side cool, and I till my son
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: all the time. When you first was when I first
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: went blind, I was on a getting three hundred dollars.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I had to find ways to make it work because
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I couldn't provide for you the way I needed to
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: because I needed help from my mother. I needed help
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: from my cousins, my aunt. Not that it didn't sit
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: with me. So with your what I did. I start
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: doing parties, fuck it, sleepless nights. But guess what, my
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: son gonna have them boots on them, sneakers, he want you,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: gonna have that coat on his back, You're gonna have that.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna put that food on the table for him.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make sure my son leaving out this door
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: well put together. And it's times I don't be going
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: to leave out that house. But he's seeing me tired,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: he's seeing me working. My son gonna be a hard worker.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna be no loud. He's not gonna be
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: no leech. You're not gonna look for somebody to take
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: care of him. My father didn't do it. I can't
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: tell you the last time my mother really set there inside.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I got to give you money to eat. I gotta
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: give you money to put no. Fuck no, I'm thirty
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: four years old. I refuse. And it's like I'm been
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: in shit off into my son. I'm pulling shit into
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: my son. I see my grandfather go night's hungry, but
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: he had never acts. He gonna get up, he gonna
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: go get it. I've never seen my step pops. And
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: it's like you'll be like, damn this like a man pride,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: but as a man, it hurts when you don't have
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: money to provide for your family like that. Shit is
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: a punch in your stomach, and it's like you don't
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: want to tell nobody that because they gonna look the
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: You might feel like they looking at you different or
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: something like that. But man, fuck that. Man. Well for
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I'm a hustle for my child. I'm gonna go get
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: it day and night. I do parties, go home, go
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: to see for two or three hours. Then it come
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to the studio. Now I'm showing my son that hard
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: works pays off in the long run. My son is
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: talling me, Oh, I start a podcast. I said, that's
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: that's me right there, because before I start doing this shit,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: he ain't know nothing about no fucking podcast. I'm gonna
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: start a podcast. I get dressed. I see my son
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: just looking at me. As I get dressed, I come
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: in the house with something. He looking at me, and
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: it's like, okay, he's watching me. Come on, well with
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: my son strong. I feel like he's stronger than your
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: average thirteen year old that's out here in these streets. Yeah,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: because he's walking these streets with me. He's my eyes.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, how many kids can say and say their
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: parents depend on them the way I depend on my
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: little man. Yeah, come on, man, be dangerous.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: And I imagine that it creates like a different kind
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: of relationship like this, a type of b You're probably
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: closer to your son in a way that parents never
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: get closer.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: They cage one time, you no my mother, Like, yo,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: when your mother gets your apartment, you're going with your mother?
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: My son said, but who's going to help my father?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: And for a minute we got quiet and I said
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: there and saying it's not your job to worry about me,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: it's my job to worry about you. But for a moment,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I just went. For that moment, I just wanted to
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: go in the bathroom and start crying and screaming though
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: that my son felt like he can't have his own
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: room because it's like his father might need him and
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: he's not here to help him. I felt like screaming
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: for that moment. But then I look at that at
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: the end of the stick, and it's like, shit, at
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: least I know I'm doing good by my son. That
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: go for bid. If I ever get to that point
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: where I can't take care of myself, I know he's
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: gonna be right there with me all the way. Shit different,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I got one of them. One thing I don't tell
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: my son, Hi Jay, emotions. Boys don't cry, because that's bullshit.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I cry all the time. I cried when he graduate.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I cried because I can't see his face. I cry
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: when I can't do certain things for him. I'm showing
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: my emotions. I'm showing him that it's okay for a
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: man to be a man. Who say men can't cry?
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Who say men? I tell my son, I love him
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: when we leave out the door. Who said I can't?
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Because like growing up, my mother never showed emotions, how
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: emotions to us like it, never hugged us like she
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: told us she loved us, but it was the moments
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: when she told us I love us when shit was critical.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: But my mother never hugged that, she never kissed us.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I try to chill my son something different. My son
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: leave out to go to school, I tell him I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: love him. I'm showing him it's okay for a man
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: to be emotional. Like I cry in front of my child.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I don't hide that. He needed to see that, because
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like when you cry, you renting, you renting
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: the problems aways somewhat. Sometimes holding that shit bottled up in,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like you're not a real man because you
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: you'll go do some sucking shit behind that true honestly speaking,
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm speaking on it because that's a effect. For
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: the first couple of years of me going in a
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: dark I hear my emotions because I didn't want nobody
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: to feel like I was weak, But I was weak
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: by hiring my emotions, and people like, damn, how why
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: is that you feel like you're weak because you was
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: hiding it because I wasn't letting the world. No, I
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: wasn't letting my son know how I really feel and
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: what I was going through. Like he's older now, so
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: it's nothing in there. I go in there, I tell
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: myself I need you, and it's like, what you mean
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: you need me? I need you, Like these millions is coming.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I need I need somebody solid with me to counties
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: this money. I need somebody slid with me to handle
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: this money, to invest into this money. Like I feel
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: like we need to as parents. I feel like we
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: need to be more emotional when it comes to our kids,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: because then kids grow up and feel like their parents
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: STI don't love them. My son never gonna go through
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: that moment without me feeling like I play with my child.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I hug my child. He may be looking at me
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: like I'm wed, because I'd be like, come here, get
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: your daddy a kids. He like, wait what? But it's
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: like me showing my son like it's it's okay to
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: let people know what you're feeling inside. It's it's okay
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: to be mushy. Sometimes we don't as men, We can't
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: keep this as men. We just can't keep walking around
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: thinking we just tough, be like a brick wall. We solid, because,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: believe it or not, rocks crumble too, and you walk
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: around like a rock, you will crumble one day when
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: that weight is too much on you. Sometimes you gotta
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: sit there and let them tears go because the only
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: thing that shit is doing is just rebuilding you to
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: be a perfect and stronger person. And I teach you
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: my son that all the time. Like my son, if
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: he in pain, I'm like, bro, you want to cry,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: just cry, you don't gotta like. He'll get around his
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: mother and be a baby. Oh but he get around
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: me tough and nigga tough as fuck. Yea, But I
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: told him it's okay to cry like people and know
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: what it is. Well, I got shot. I was on
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: that floor. The first thing that said to my own,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: first thing that came to my mind is boy's don't cry. Nah.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I try to suck it up. I try to bite
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: through the pain. Now, I'm not gonna cry. I'm good.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get up. But deep inside, I just wanted
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: to let it out right then and there. Of course, Na,
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna let my son know if you're going
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: through a teetheth nigga. You feel like you want to cry,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: go ahead cry, yea cry, let it out if you
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: spring game, you want to cry, ahead, cry because that
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: don't make you soft, that's building you to be a
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: stronger man. Yeah, And I feel like parents, don't your
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: little boy fall on the floor, scrape his knees. Oh, boys,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: don't cry, get up and wipe it. Nah, you need
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: to get down and say and say it's going to
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: be okay, it's all right. Let it out, and once
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: you cry, get back up and try it again. Yeah,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: don't don't. Let's not old. Boys don't cry because we
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: creating monsters by doing that shit. Yeah, like we creating
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: demons by doing that shit. Nah, boys do cry, and
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: it's okay for us to cry because.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: It's like if they don't cry, that means they holding
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: in all this energies. The energy stay inside of and
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: the energy never gets out. Even in your house, sometimes
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: you got to open up the windows a less ventilation through. Yeah,
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: so we're not ventilating our spirits. And then like it's
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: just the only bad shit come from that.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: And on top of that too, emotions with your kids.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Show your kids they appreciate you, like, really show your
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: kids the way you really navigating through life. It really
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: show your kids that you're really going through hard ship
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: that you coming out of. So when your kids looking
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: at you cry, when your kids looking at you talking
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: about their emotions and all like you rubbing that shit
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: onto them, that shows that I really appreciate my parents.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: That makes them look at life even different, even more
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: different too. I feel like when we hide them shits
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: behind closed doors, our kids would never know what the
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: fuck we going through. I tell my son all the time,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I wish I could see you. He feel a pain
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: sometimes when they're coming from my voice. I wish I
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: could do certain things with you, but I can't hid
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: it from him. And he was like, it's okay, but
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: it's like he feel it. I want my son to
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: know how I feel. I don't want him to feel like, oh,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: my father was just strong, he moved up. Now it
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: was hard for me to go day after day, month
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: after month, yeah after year, every second knowing that I'm
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: not gonna be able to see you again. Bro. Yeah,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: he not just clueless and shit not. I tell him,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: like every day I wish I could see you. I
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: wish I could do certain things with you, but him
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: being thirteen, I ain't gonna lie. He's he's so bright
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: that he's he and clued me into the things that
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can do. Like I said, you're
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: away till your mother will leave to sign them and
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: don't sign a permission slip and bring this shit to me.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: He's like, hey, just sign right here, and it's like nah.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: He showed me like nah, nigga, we you're still a father.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: You're gonna sign this shit. Yeah, you could be getting
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: over too, because I damn sure don't know what I'll
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: be signing. So if I'm signing some shit that you're
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: not supposed to be doing, I'm a bust your ass
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: out man. But yeah, these kids give me life, and
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I let them know every day that they give me life.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I let them know that I cherish them every day
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: as much as they cherish me. As a blind man.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I leave with vision, not by sight. Don't get me wrong.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Site is beautiful and I would love to have it,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: but vision is way much bigger. Vision can see my
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: son going to college, having a good call, a great
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: career on a basketball court in an NBA, his name
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: being called averaging thirty points. Me on court side can't see.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: But every time my son make that shot, he's gonna
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: run past me and say I did it getting father.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: That's vision. My vision is bigger to a point. I'm rolling,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I'm I got a multi million dollar establishment. I'm walking
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: in the building. They saying, how you doing, mister Felder,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: how you doing, mister c Not like my vision is
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: bigger than no. My vision is bigger than Brooklyn. My
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: vision is bigger than New York. My vision bigger than
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: United States. I feel like I got business in Africa somewhere.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: That's vision. That's not Site doing that shit. Site. I
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: feel like you staggering it. You comfortable where you're at.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: You're not moving, You just you just stuck and at
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: full bedroom, in at full wall bedroom that you're in.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like with Site, a lot of people they
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: in a room with no doll, no closet, no no
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: fucking window. They just stuck and they don't give a fuck.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I feel like with that vision, you're gonna find the
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: tools to put a hole in that wall, to crawl
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: out of that shit. I feel like with that vision
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: that that room, that full walls is not big enough
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: for you. So you're gonna find a way to build
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: that house on that empty land that got your name
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: on it. It might take five years, it might take
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: ten years. But the vision that you have in you,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: the dedication, the hard work, you're gonna make that shit happen.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like psych can get cloudy, like I feel
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: like smoke can interfere your with your sight to a
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: point you can't see what's ahead of you. But I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: feel like once that vision is on point and that
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: vision is sharp, it's nothing in front of you that
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: can clear it up. I mean that make it cloudy.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's nothing in front of you that
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: makes you feel like you can't do it. I feel
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: like with that vision, you could walk on fucking water,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: like Jesus, if you want to, they get it across
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: that water. If if that's where your vision taking you,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: you're gonna walk across that water. If you can't walk
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: across that water, best, I believe you're gonna cut some
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: trees down to make your own fucking boat. Vision makes
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: you feel like you could do the impossible, and I'm
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: living proof. With that, I felt like my life was over.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I felt like it was just I was just waiting
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: to die. But then when I finally stopped the well
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: on my site and I started leading with vision. I'm
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: in this podcast studio giving y'all great content. I'm creating
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: parties that's giving people like uh. I feel like my
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: parties like therapy. People come there to release the work,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: like what they've been through and work, and they problems
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: and they drink and they have fun and they dancing.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: That was vision and not telling them what else my
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: vision gonna come up with live podcasts. I see that
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: shit and that shit. I see that shit now, Wolf,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm playing that shit for next year. I see
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: millions come in my way. Nobody never talked to me
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: about no millions, but guess what I could smell that shit.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: That's what the vision doing to me. I feel like
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Wolf being my manager. That's the fucking vision. It ain't happen,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: but the vision gonna lead us there. I feel like
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: we need to put more vision to our kids, and
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: not for nothing. We need to put more visions to
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: ourself as adults. We need to have goals, we need
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: to dream more. I feel like we don't. We lacked
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: in that as people people. I feel like we are
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: comfortable coming to work time nine to files is nothing
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: wrong with that. But you don't understand your vision might
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: lead you into running your own corporate business. You haven't
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: thought about like this. Well, like you, you hear every
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: day what's your ass? Every day? Every day? You know
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: the ups and downs to this fucking building. You know
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: how to connect these mics, how to run this computer,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: how to run the boards and everything else. Your vision
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: don't give you something to saying, say you can open
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: up your own ship. Your vision. Don't say say it's
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: something bigger, like WTF helped me out? This is like
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: the beginnings, like WTF gave you the site to plan
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: your vision. Yeah, and now now you've got the vision,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: you could run off and you can open up ten
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: of these motherfuckers. You could. You could provide the equipment
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: to to put it to people businesses and story like
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: the vision is I tell you my vision is clear.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: People always say, oh I think you could see, I
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: can see because the division is fucking clear. I feel
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: like people depend on the site too much that they
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: forget and the most important thing, and that's the vision. Nah.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Vision is more precious, Vision is more valuable. Vision is
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: more what else you be more successful with vision. Vision,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: to put the determination in you, to hustle in you. Vision.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: That one word vision means a million fucking things. And
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: I feel we need to lock in and create more
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: and create more roads. And what's that the wizard? All
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: yellow brick roads, yellowick roads is like the vision when
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: you when she when they stroll down that yellow big road,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Look what the fuck they got? Vision is a powerful thing, people,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And I think we need to lock in more with
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: that shit. And I want to leave out today on this.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Just because toms is hard today doesn't mean you're gonna
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: give don't doesn't mean give up today because you never
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: know what tomorrow and start having store for you. You
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: never know what door is gonna open up for you.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: You never know what check gonna be falling on that table.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: So if you're hungry today, don't think life is over.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: You got that notice on your door saying that you're
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: gonna get evicted because you ain't pay your rent, don't
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: think life is over because you never know. You might
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: open that mailbox and it might be that check to
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: cover that rent. You never know, you might go outside
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: and somebody might sit there and be giving away food.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: So you always got to look forward what's going to
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: happen the next day. And I feel like that comes
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: with vision, and this is another episode in the books.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I just want to shout out to all the people
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: that's out there that's blind, that's going through hardships, that
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: when that's walking around with that stick. I salute y'all,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I praise y'all. I'm still going through the motions of
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: this whole blind shit to find my comfortable space to
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: using it. I know every week I say and say
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: it don't align with my clothes and everything else. It's
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: me trying to put the fear to the side and
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: build it strength to really walk with that shit. I
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm powerful without it, but I feel like
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I'm even more powerful with it. So don't forget to
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: like subscribe comment, tell a friend, tell a friend, no
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: email me blonde bing i c NYC. You could DM
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: me blonde bing i c NYC on Instagram and just
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: tell me what you think with your visions, how you
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: feel about division in sight, how you feel about going
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: through complications of being a parent. Do you feel like
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: you lacked in something that raising your kids? I want
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: to hear more about it. I want to hear all
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: about it until next week. Don't step into you step,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: big blonde stepper. All right, that was good, bro,