Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E43 - Reverse Pandora's Box: Can My Child Lose the Progress They've Made in Therapy?

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S3E43 - Reverse Pandora's Box: Can My Child Lose the Progress They've Made in Therapy? · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast,
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  where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are
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  continuing in our Parent Companion.
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  Although we are coming to the end.
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  We only have 2 episodes after this
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  for our Parent Companion series,
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  and I hope that it has been helpful.
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  I know so many of you
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  want insight into
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  what therapy is all about and and or how therapy helps
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  even if your child is not currently in play therapy.
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  And so I hope that this has been a meaningful series for you,
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  but we are ready to wrap up only 2 more.
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  But today I would like to address
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  something that I think is really important because
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  as
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  parents
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  move toward a new normal,
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  in other words,
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  as things become more settled,
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  more calm,
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  more regulated,
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  and if therapy has been a part of that,
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  often parents are petrified at the notion that things could
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  go back to the way they used to be.
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  And we actually have a term for that.
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  And it
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  helps reassure parents often
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  that there actually is no possibility of returning to the way things used to be.
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  And the term is reverse Pandora's box.
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  Now,
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  interesting,
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  I was actually doing a little bit of research on Pandora's box so that
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  I could make sure that I was quoting things appropriately.
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  And it was never meant to be called Pandora's box.
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  Ironically,
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  it was a jar,
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  but it was a mistranslation in the 16th century.
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  So although we know it as Pandora's box,
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  technically it's Pandora's jar,
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  just,
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  you know,
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  PSA for y'all.
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  Little keeper of random facts that I am.
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  So
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  when we think about the notion of Pandora's box,
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  we understand that
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  the analogy there
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  or the moral
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  is that you make a seemingly small decision,
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  but it has
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  huge impact
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  and effect afterwards.
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  And if you're not familiar with Pandora and the story there,
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  essentially given a jar,
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  but we'll call it a box,
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  so given a box
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  and was told never to open it.
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  But curiosity got the best of her,
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  and she opened it and it unleashed all the sorrow and
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  all the grief and all the misery into the world.
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  And then she tried to close it really quickly,
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  and the only thing that stayed inside was hope.
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  Kind of a depressing story,
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  really.
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  But
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  the,
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  the notion when we say Pandora's box,
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  it's the notion of like,
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  we have no idea what we're releasing.
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  You know,
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  you,
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  you open that up and you have no idea what's going to come out of it.
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  Simple decision,
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  and we don't often understand the ramifications or the impact.
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  OK,
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  well,
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  reverse Pandora's box
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  is an interesting concept in play therapy.
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  And the essence of it
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  is that so many parents will say,
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  But I just can't bear the thought of things going back to the way they were before,
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  or we just,
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  we can't go back to that place,
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  or I'm just worried that he's going to get aggressive again,
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  or I'm worried that she's going to get anxious again,
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  or I'm worried that everything's going to be tumultuous again.
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  And those are understandable fears,
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  but they're unfounded
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  because what we know about children
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  and therapy and their work,
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  their healing,
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  their journey toward becoming a better version of themselves.
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  You can't unknow what you know.
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  You can't unlearn what you've learned.
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  And so all of the gains
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  in play therapy,
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  all of the gains as children
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  heal and work toward things and figure things out
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  and process their issues,
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  those can never
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  be erased.
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  So the gains that are acquired,
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  the change that takes place,
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  those are permanent.
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  So if a child has developed coping skills,
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  they won't unlearn them.
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  If a child develops resilience,
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  that's not forgotten.
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  If a child has a higher self-esteem,
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  That doesn't get erased just because something happens.
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  So all of the skills,
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  all of the tools,
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  all of the healing that takes place,
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  those are permanent.
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  And so the fear that,
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  oh my gosh,
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  things are going to return back to how bad they were before.
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  And look,
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  none of us,
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  when we've been in the thick of it,
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  when we have been in struggle and difficulty,
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  none of us
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  want to think about revisiting that.
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  Once you get through that junk,
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  it's like,
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  oh my gosh,
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  I'm so glad that's behind me now.
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  None of us would
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  pivot and go,
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  let's try that again.
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  So understandably,
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  there's always that concern,
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  but the beauty of play therapy.
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  And children becoming better versions of themselves
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  is that that is there forever.
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  So think about all of the skills that they acquire,
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  all the things that they
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  learn and how they grow and how they heal,
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  all those things.
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  Imagine then trying to shove that back into the box.
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  You can't.
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  They're there
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  and they're not going anywhere,
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  and they're a permanent part of the new,
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  better version of the child.
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  So,
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  when we think about wrapping up therapy,
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  for example,
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  we do say that it's an open door
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  and that it's never a forever goodbye.
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  The child can always come back and see us.
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  And sometimes they do.
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  They need or want to come back,
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  sometimes just for one session,
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  and
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  we call those boosters.
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  It's not that they are back where they started.
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  It's not that,
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  oh my word,
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  we're slipping down the hill and we're going to end up right at the beginning again.
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  Sometimes they just need to be reminded of what they know,
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  of what they learned,
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  of how they've already grown and changed.
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  It's like,
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  you know,
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  a little refresher for them
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  because
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  all of those skills remain.
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  They're still there.
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  And they're able to tap into those when they need them.
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  That's the beauty of the child-centered model
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  is that it's not situational.
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  It's not issue specific.
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  It's not in the moment
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  because there are all kinds of strategies when working with children
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  that are temporary,
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  like,
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  Deep breathe when you get mad.
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  Well,
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  that is for that age,
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  that situation,
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  that issue.
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  But when they're 3 years older
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  in a different issue,
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  in a different circumstance,
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  feeling different things,
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  does that deep breathing that was
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  Governed by that one moment 3 years ago,
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  does that carry over to whatever the new thing is?
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  Probably not.
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  But all of the things that the child figures out in child-centered play therapy.
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  They have those at their disposal forever.
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  So they have an increased emotional vocabulary.
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  They have an increased worldview.
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  They have an increase in self-esteem.
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  They have an increase in regulation.
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  They've developed problem solving.
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  They've developed resilience and coping,
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  and they like themselves,
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  they trust themselves,
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  they understand themselves.
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  Those are the tools that they have
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  so that when things get rough again,
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  they're like,
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  OK,
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  but I can handle this.
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  OK,
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  but I'll be fine.
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  And those are the messages that they learn
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  in the course of child-centered play therapy
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  that carry with them long term.
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  So our concept of reverse Pandora's box.
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  Just like in the Pandora's box story,
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  everything got unleashed into the world
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  and,
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  you know,
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  you didn't know what was coming
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  with reverse Pandora's box.
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  Everything that is unleashed into the world,
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  you can't shove it back in and have it disappear again.
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  It's,
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  it's permanent.
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  It's there.
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  And so hopefully that encourages you.
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  Often that is a very real fear and concern for parents,
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  and it doesn't need to be
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  because we've not only do we see it every day,
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  you know,
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  those of us that work with children,
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  we see the progress and growth,
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  and we see that it serves them forever,
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  but they've even proven this in
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  statistical research.
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  They have followed children long term.
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  You know,
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  sometimes 8,
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  1013 years after child-centered play therapy
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  to see if the gains remain
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  and if what they acquired in therapy
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  lasts
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  all through childhood,
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  and it does.
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  So I hope that's very encouraging to you.
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  It definitely
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  for us as
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  therapists working with children,
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  it gives us a lot of joy knowing that these kids
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  are going to be different for the rest of their lives
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  as a result of the work that they do in child-centered play therapy.
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  So.
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  Love y'all.
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  Hope you have a great week.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to
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  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
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  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.