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Transcript

One Generational Mistake Breaks Everything · The Parent Tap

• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Dina, you grew up as the eldest grandchild of Charles Schultz, which means your family dynamic was tied to a globally beloved brand.
• 0:29
  unknown: Yes.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: But in your memoir, you are incredibly transparent about how dark and complicated your reality actually was.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: When you look back at your childhood household, how it was run.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: What was the thing that you swore to be right when you had your own daughters?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, just not abusing them, loving them.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I swore, you know, that I would remember every beating that I got and I would not do that to my kids, you know.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I am I'm not one that's like not against spanking.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I believe in spanking.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the over, you know, my kids only got one spanking when they did something, you know.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, but I I that stuck in my head always.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was always remembering I will not do this to my kids.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it still hasn't left.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So just treating treating our kids better and and remember do you draw back on your experience as a as a kid of like I don't want to do this because you know I was raised like in a certain manner.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: So for instance, my father would lose his temper a lot with me.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so when my daughter does something or my son does something, I have two kids now.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when they do something that irritates me, I try to think back and reflect on that.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: How do you always stay um actively remembering not to treat your kids the way that you were treated because of your trauma?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: My thing is, well, with my kids, the way I raised them and the way I've always told them the truth because with my mom, it was always like do this or else.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, why?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so of course I'm gonna go test the boundaries.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: So with my kids, I was always remembering, okay, so I would test the boundaries, and I've always told my kids, you have free will, you can do whatever you want.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: However, there are consequences to your actions.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So we would talk about the possible, you know, consequences to their actions.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And they, I mean, my my kids are amazing.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't even know how I raised them.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: That I'm so proud of them.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: They are not of this world, they do not do what every other teenage, like, you know, they didn't do what every other teenager did, but it was because of the stuff that my mom didn't do for me, like didn't tell me why not to do something, you know, she just would go off and hit me for no reason, flying off the handle.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: So just remembering all the stuff that, you know, how it affected me and why I made the poor decisions that I made, that helped me make be a better parent to my kids.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I'd love that.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: How you're breaking that cycle and treating your kids with respect.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it seems like they grew up to be just phenomenal kids, teenagers, it sounds like.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so I have a 24-year-old and a 23-year-old.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: The 23-year-old's autistic, but she's high functioning.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: But neither one of them, and my daughter's been dating her fiance for three years and seven months, and she has never had sex with him.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't drink, she's never done drugs, she has a master's degree.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: She actually graduated with her master's degree at 23 years old.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: So somehow I produced that, you know, like through the grace of God.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just I really wanted her to have a different life than I did and just value herself.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, and and everybody thinks she's weird and I love it, you know.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Why aren't you doing what everybody else is doing?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, she has she has morals, she loves herself, she loves, you know, she has value.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that's great.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have an autistic daughter too, so that's the connection we have.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And she's four, so obviously a different timeline.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I hope that you know she kind of follows and and step with with your kids and and kind of that it we used to call it like a straight edge kind of lifestyle back in the day.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was like kind of the buzzword, but just like yeah, it kind of keeping the high and dry and away from the bad influences of life and all the stuff that will try to throw you off track.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So okay, cool.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Next question.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So breaking generational trauma is ultimately about breaking old programming.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, from an operational standpoint, how do you catch yourself when you accidentally default to flawed parenting patterns you grew up with?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And what is the exact override?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I apologize to my kids.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I I apologize to my kids.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: So they need to know we're not perfect, you know, we're we're going to do things wrong.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: But they also, you know, apologizing them takes ownership.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I did something wrong.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: I apologized.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I should not have done that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Let's redo, you know.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I really I think that's the biggest thing is I've always apologize when I know I've done something wrong.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: If I feel like I'm overwhelmed, you know, from trauma, I mean I have severe complex BTSD, I will walk away.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be, I tell them, mom needs space, just give me a few.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then I take the space, decompress, and then come back and have like a you know a normal conversation with them.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: No, I love the human element of that and just owning up to your mistakes if you make them.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: We do, we're parents, we're humans, and and so that to me too is like the most honorable thing you can do in that situation is just acknowledging, like, oh, I screwed up.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry about that.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try to be better.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do that almost daily with my kids.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, there's something that will happen that just triggers you know, my stress or my anxiety, or like, you know, you kind of watch your patients sometimes with toddlers trying to get them out the door or getting them to sleep.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so but yeah, I do I do a lot of reflecting, and so I it seems very similar to what we do.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're like we're trying to just constantly um improve ourselves as parents, improve ourselves as people, but also just acknowledging when when that doesn't go 100% and just owning up to it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Next one.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you've completely redesigned your environment.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You live on a farm in Florida and run an animal rescue, which is amazing, by the way.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: We talk a lot about on this show about using routines to teach kids responsibility.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you use the daily, non-negotiable realities of farm life and animal care as a framework for building empathy and accountability in your kids?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I am so glad that we got to we had the opportunity to move out here because city life was not it.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now they're learning responsibility.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like they have to get up, the animals have to be fed at certain time, you know, 8 a.m., 4 p.m.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you don't can't get there, you have to find somebody to do your chores, that kind of stuff.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Also, with the autistic kid, like my autistic daughter, she takes care of the cat rescue.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: So she takes care of all the cats, and she's actually like very good.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So she's like, this cat doesn't, you know, it's got sneezing.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like she's she's starting to pay attention and know that you know she has an important role in society.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like she was kind of bored when she didn't have things, you know, and she was getting into she was having more outbursts, more autistic outbursts now.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And now that she has a routine, everything is, you know, and she's got animals to take care of.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: She's got empathy.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, sometimes she's like, I don't want to take care of these animals, you know, I'm done.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I think just the farm work and having that responsibility for them.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't even care, even in the city, give your kids chores.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: My kids have had chores since they were two.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it was, you know, they had to pick up their toys.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: That was their chores at two, you know, make sure you put your toys in the toy box.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it wasn't, it was always age appropriate, you know.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't, you know, I see parents that don't have don't give their kids chores or anything like that.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And their kids are out of control and they think that, you know, they're you owe me.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, no, no, no.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: You we're part like I'm my family here, like with my kids, I was a single mom, like truly single.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: I did not have anybody helping me.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: My aunt, no, no aunts, no uncles, no nothing.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, we're a team, teamwork makes a dream work.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we work together as a team, and each part of us has a vital component to this family, and then we make it run together.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it was, you know, they always felt good because it was, you know, hey, we're doing this together.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: We got this, you know.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I love how you instilled that into them.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, you said even as young as two, and you know, kind of that carried over obviously into their teenage adult years as they are now.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm not sure how to incorporate that with my kids, and I don't want to be too harsh, but I also don't want to, you know, I don't want to like, you know, have them grow up thinking that like they're entitled and you know, have this, you know, everything's gonna be given to you, mom and dad's gonna do your laundry for you forever.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's you know, not that's not the case.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, no, living on a farm.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kind of curious just to dig deeper into that.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: What spurred that lifestyle change?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then what what kind of animals and and chores like are there, you know, working on a farm?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I just don't know.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have that background.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I grew up on a farm with my mom and moved to the city.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking, yeah, I'm a city person.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Had the kids, and they were just, I mean, I had they had the tours and stuff, but it was kind of laxadays a goal.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, yeah, I want to go back into the country because the city life is like there's shootings, and I was just too stressed.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I couldn't keep my kids safe, and I'm like, I I can't do this.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I do have mixed kids.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: My kids are half black, half white.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just not safe.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I decided to move out here, and then we got cats.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he had cats, and then we got dogs, and then it was like I really miss my horses because I used to jump horses and compete them.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I got a horse and thought, you know, maybe we can start riding and stuff like that.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So then that horse needed a horse, you know, the companion.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we actually have two big horses and a miniature horse just because he's cute, he's adorable.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then we have three goats, two mini pigs.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: So they're little miniature pigs, and then we run the cat rescue.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's 30 cats that we take care of, and then two dogs.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: So the chores are everybody has to be fed, and you know, everybody has to be fed in the morning, stalls have to be clean, so as we clean up everything every day, because otherwise, that's you know, we don't leave things dirty.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: So stalls need to be cleaned, animals need to be watered, cat boxes need to be clean, and you know, I do run a cat rescue, and some of the cats are sickly, so they have to go to the vet every, you know, one I have one cat that has to go to the vet every week.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: So my daughter will take her to the vet to get her infusions and just so everybody kind of just there's a lot to do.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, we also have the house tours on top of it laundry, cooking, cleaning, and that kind of stuff.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, but it gives them it's not a whole lot, so it's not too much for two people to do, you know, for the two kids and stuff.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: But there's actually my daughter's fiance also helps.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: So he was an abused kid.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: I took him in four years almost four years ago, and so he kind of learned as well how to do chores because he was a little video game kid, and yeah, he learned that's not how life's gonna go.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do you feel like you have a special, you know, coming from your background with trauma abuse?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do you feel like you just now have a special, you know, you you mentioned the rescue, you mentioned taking in your daughter's fiance under your wing.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do you feel like you just have kind of like a special place in your heart now for abused people, animals, all that?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, it's I've always wanted to work with at-risk kids.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I got a degree in psychology and then I got a degree in forensic psychology.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm now working on a PhD in human, like in actually criminal justice with an emphasis in Homeland Security.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm almost done with that.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: But I want to work with human trafficking victims.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing is, is yeah, I I know why God put my daughter's fiance here because his abuse was almost almost exactly what I experienced.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I understood him very well.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: He would have, you know, outbursts and stuff like that.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: I also work for DCF.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I work with the abused kids and stuff like that.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I still have my kiddos from back then, they call me mom, and I collect kids because you know, the ones that nobody wants, you know, the ones that people throw away.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: But because of what I've been through, you know, they need love too.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: You've been very open about how leaning into your faith was an absolute anchor that allowed you to rebuild after years of trials.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: For a parent listening who feels like their current household dynamic is completely broken and overwhelming.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: What is the absolute first foundational pillar they need to establish to start turning the ship around?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Bring God into the house.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: It has to.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't, I wouldn't be here without Him.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, I put my kids in church.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: We went to church.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was really sick.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've been sick for 19 years.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: I've had chronic Lyme disease, mold toxicity, sepsis.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: I've been very sick, but I still made it a point to get them in church and have that faith-based thing, you know, in the house and working towards, you know, just being kind people.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about being kind people, it's having faith that there's a higher power, that God is there and God is watching over you.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And God is a good God, He's not a wrathful God, He's a loving God, and He wants, you know, us to walk these good paths.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: And instilling the faith, I mean, it's it's why my daughter is not out there.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she's had one boyfriend, she dated to marry.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't date to date, she's never had sex, you know, and even the autistic daughters like, you know, I'm I'm never gonna get married, but Jesus is my only love, you know, and I'm proud of that because at least they know that God is a good God and He's a He's a kind God and a loving God.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, establishing, you know, definitely a schedule, you know.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: We also don't do video games and stuff like that.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: We do not do a whole lot of TV.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: That I think is the devil social media, all that stuff.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So my kids didn't have my daughter, my oldest daughter, all she had was a flip phone until she was 16 years old.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then I got her, you know, a regular phone and I was like, I could trust her.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: The other one, I didn't give her a phone until she was 18, you know, and I still took it from her.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, so I I just, you know, I they are the weird ones.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: You'll see them walking around and they're reading books.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: So they carry books around with them and they're reading books, you know.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a little harsh and you know, not harsh, but I don't want them around all this nonsense on the TV, you know?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather them have it on the books and and the way these kids are stimulated.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean it's sad.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: We go out to dinner and every family is with their kids on iPad, iPhone, something, you know, there's no talking going on with the kids, there's no interaction.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And even my kids say that.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that might stop saying that in public, but they're like, that's really sad.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why does this family not talk to each other?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: All the devices need to be put down and put away.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to have that.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we sit at a table every single night for dinner, too, and we have a conversation.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: How's our day?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Even though we sit in the same house, you know, how was your day?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: What'd you like about today?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: No phones at the table, no nothing.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's, you know, I think I like the way I raised them because they're not stuck on a device, they actually cannot stand devices.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that approach and how you connect as a family and and also going back to you know, just bringing God into it.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: My my daughter goes to sleep every night with Jesus Loves Me kind of kind of playing and songs like that.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: She went to a Christian school already.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so just you know, kind of that innocence and that you know, that love of life.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope she never loses that, you know, and it kind of reminds me of what you're talking about with your daughters.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Even now, it still seems like they have just a full love of life and they they didn't lose their their innocence because I think the world can take our innocence really quickly and make it just seem like, oh my gosh, this is a scary, dark, yeah, horrible place.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it that's great that they're still able to, you know, kind of have that sense of childlike wonder that I get, you know, having kids as young as I do.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's like life just seems like there's full of possibilities and it's good regardless of what like social media wants to tell us or whatever.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's yeah, I see that too on social media.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you it paints everything in a very you know, a grim light.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like it just all seems very dark, very like, oh my gosh, like yeah, you know.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: But personally, like, yeah, well, social media scares the heck out of me as my kids get older because I know the effect it's had on me.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, even though I wasn't as young when that actually first came out, but I'm just I'm real worried about that that effect I wouldn't even have them.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I wouldn't even have them.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like my daughter, you know, she's 24 and she's like, My kids are having no devices, no phones, no matter what.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: We're not doing it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: No social media, because we call it fake book.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that you don't even know what's right, new, you know, true anyway.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: So my daughter fasts, like she's like, Oh, whoops, social media.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love it because she's like, I don't want to be on it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And we'll go on like two, three, four months fast on social media, we won't be on it.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's her choice.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: She's 24.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it's awful because nobody connects face to face anymore and has those face connections, which it's the breakdown of society.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I I fully believe that it's a breakdown of society because if you can sit there and you can't talk to somebody face to face, you got the keyboard warriors that'll say a whole bunch of stuff.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'll say it to my face, you know.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: On this podcast, by the way, I've already had people being real tough behind anonymous names, anonymous pictures.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel sad for those people.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta be honest.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: If that's the best thing they got to do with their time is to try to tear somebody else down for trying to do what they want to do.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, you you can't let them win.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm not gonna let somebody that is trolling me dictate my life.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like it and in fact, it just makes you more it makes me more determined to be like, you know what?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I push past that, I did that, proved you wrong, in my viewpoint, anyways.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing that approach that you have with your kids and social media and all the distractions in life that we have now with the phones and the tablets and computers and who knows what will come out in the future, and and just kind of breaking that down because I think that as a parent now, it's still in my mind, you know, thinking about five, ten, fifteen years down the road, how to handle that situation, you know, because you hear the horrible stories about the bullying or the predators or whatever's out there, it's that concurrent risk that just you you can't really keep at bay unless you don't have the devices.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I also I snatched my kids out of school too when they were in fifth grade and seventh grade.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my daughter was being bullied relentlessly at school, and the school obviously was not doing anything about it.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: They never do, you know.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: They so I pulled them out of school.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this because I was working full-time at the time, single mom, and I had to homeschool these two girls.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, but through the grace of God, I got it done.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, doing that, it gave them a whole, you know, these these schools, sometimes you gotta make that choice that, you know, these schools are not, they're not helping the children learn education, they're indoctrinating them.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm a firm believer of that, and I'm like, I want my kids to have an education.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: So my children know math, history, science, you know, English.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: They, as soon as I found out they were starting to be indoctrinated, they were going to a school at Jacksonville that was made almost all black, and they were being indoctrinated with, you know, you better run from the police.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't ever listen to the police.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, see, no, uh-uh, you're not teaching my kids this.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I pulled them out.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: So as a parent, be all up in what your kids learning at school.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Do not every single sheet of paper, you know, because these teachers are being, they're being sly, they're being snaky.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, our kids are in danger.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, our kids are in danger in schools now from the teachers, you know, and the kids.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, you know, I wasn't gonna allow that with my kids.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I yanked them out of school.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm a former teacher myself, and so I've seen some of that behind the enemy lines, so to speak.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: It brings me back to when I was a child.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: I did go to a Christian school, so I did have a different upbringing than kids that went to a public school, and now it's different.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone knows who they voted for, what they think.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like portraying that to the kids in your class is the right approach.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: I always tried to hold my cards very close to my vest when I was a teacher because I didn't feel like that was that was fair to kids.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I remember again back in my childhood, I felt like, okay, that's one of those things you don't discuss.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I see the differences, though, is what I was what I was gonna say as being a teacher as an adult versus how I felt as a kid.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just it just completely shifted.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a memorabilia person, you probably see behind me, I got some signed posters and whatnot.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm curious, out of all the map massive global history tied to your family, what is your single favorite piece of Peanuts memorabilia that you actually keep in your home?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is it those stuffies behind your couch or is it something else?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, well, actually, it's a card that my grandfather gave me for my 16th birthday.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I for some reason don't have a whole lot of stuff from him, but that card, I had that card from him.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then I found out five years ago that there was a comic strip that he had put me in, and I didn't know about that one.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: So that's my second one.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was on, I think it was on February.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: 15th, 1992 comic strip.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it was Snoopy.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Charlie Brown opening his Valentine's, and he's like, I got a Valentine from all my cousins and then me, you know.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it was like that was kind of cool.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: What is the greatest operational or life lesson you learned directly from your grandfather?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: He was he was nicknamed Sparky, right?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: So ironically, I learned it from a book, and it was a Charlie Brown religion.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it was I was reading this chapter, and he was saying how he would ask his kids to go to Sunday school because he was a Sunday school teacher, he's really in the Bible, really into God.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: And his kids would always say no.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, see, my kids don't have that option.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's yes, you're going until you're 18.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you make your own decisions and you're out of my house, then you can make your own decisions.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, but until then, and I think that was the best, you know, the best lesson learned is to get your kids with God because they're the only things you can take with you when you leave this earth.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't realize he was so faith-based.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, that was such a huge part of it seems like who he was and even the design of what the comic strip itself, right?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: He has a ton of comics with scripture in it.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize this, but I was looking at him and he's got scripture all throughout his comics.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: So it's actually real, yeah.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you just go look up Peanuts comic strips with scripture in it, it's it's awesome.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's like very cool.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like one of those IMDB trivia things where it's like, oh that I I never realized that.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then you go on a deep dive of a rabbit hole of finding out everything known about your family.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he was just so he was so faith-based.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: I I love it, you know.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: So what is one strict parenting rule you have in your house today that would have shocked the previous generation?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's the usually it shocks these generations.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't tolerate, like so, like I said, it's the the no screen time.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: I just I don't believe it.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: When that my kids were raised, they were old, they had to earn it.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: So they had and they would only earn a half an hour of screen time a day.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: So that's it.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you were on a game, anything that was a screen in your face, that's screen time.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you better choose wisely.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I would just chores, chores, and I mean, there's so many times like I've heard in the you're so abusive, you know.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I give my kids chores.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how is that abuse?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, they they should be playing their kids.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: They do play, they play a lot, but they have responsibilities, even if they're little, you know, a two-year-old can go put you know, toys A, B, and C into a toy chest.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, and that's a chore, you know.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, look at you, such a big, you know, a big boy, a girl, look at you, you know, and I always encourage that, you know.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: So just chores and no screen time.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: I don't, these screens are horrible.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I love that.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: My son loves actually having chores and something to do.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like he likes being the trash guy or he likes some sort of job.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like kids like that, or even like my daughter loves being like the classroom helper to do stuff around the classroom, tidy up or whatever.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like if you kind of make it fun, make it a game, it seems like kids will buy into that.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: They actually like that.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: So well, and if you let them run, if you let them run loose, like really quickly, if you read them, in my opinion, if you let them run loose, they this is why you have the breakdown of neighborhoods and stuff like that, because they don't have any sense of ownership.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is something that's mine.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna take pride in it, I'm gonna do my best, and I'm gonna take care of it.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, and when parents like if something breaks, oh, that's another thing is if something breaks and the parent replaces it, well, no, if you break it, you're gonna have to earn it to buy it back.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm not gonna give it back to you.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: You need to take care of your stuff because it it filters into their adulthood.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they need to know that, you know, hey, I'm a classroom helper.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Look at me, I'm helping out in the classroom.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is great, you know, and then they help out in the neighborhood and it just goes on.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's you know, you need to have this basic fundamentals.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: So what is the most glamorous, the most brutal farm chore that teaches the best life lesson?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Cleaning up after the horse poop.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: So basically it's just you know, it's hard on them, yeah, and they hate it, but it's you know, it keeps the you know where the horses are clean so they can actually see something's, you know, they can see it looks better than when it's done, you know, when it's done and everything.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: But it, you know, it just gives them the work that they need to do, and you know, then we have to spread it and stuff like that.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not the glamorous, most glamorous thing, but you know, they see they see the biggest difference there, you know, and it's hard work, it's not easy.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, if a parent listening wants to break the toxic family cycle that you've experienced tonight, what is the mandatory step?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Take a look at yourself.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Look at yourself and look at, you know, what are my my thing is I always like trying to compare myself to my mother.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: What am I starting to act like her?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I should not be doing this.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Really take a look and take inventory at yourself.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: And how would you have liked to be treated as a child?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Don't spoil your kids, you know, but how would you like to have been treated as a child?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, get with God really.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, God has been everything to me, like showing me that I can heal.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's another thing is being in that Bible, like actually reading the Bible, not just going to church and sitting in church, getting in that Bible and reading it and realizing that God can heal the wounds that you have from your childhood so you cannot pass them on, and these generational curses can be broken.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for the the story of inspiration and hope and how you can turn it all around and the Schultz family legacy and the framework and everything.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I just wanted to mention your memoir in the shadow of the family dog.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: We'll link it in the in the show notes and put it out all over social media and your Florida Animal Rescue as well.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just wanted to give a shout out there for all the great work you're doing.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And is there anything else you wanted to mention or say before we kind of wrap this up?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: The Shadow of the Family Dog should be out.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're launching in July.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: So we can yeah, so we can so we're launching that in July.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll I'll send you the link to my website so you guys can, you know, go on the website and buy the book.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, we're hoping hoping this goes as viral as my grandfather did to help people help substance abuse, people, substance abuse, medical neglect, family abuse, and just it's basically a story of horrific abuse that I've in I've endured and how God has totally transformed not my life.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: My life is still hard, it's not wrapped up in a little bow, but I have such rock, solid faith that it makes it easier.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: So amen.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's super powerful.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: I got the chills right now listening to your arc and you turned it into something so good and and so inspirational to people out there.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that the book when it launches in July will really just grab a hold of people.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so thank you for all that that you're doing for the animals and for people in your life.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Once that book launches, I'm sure people even outside your circle, the influence will grow.