Latest / The You Project / #1620 Why People Hate (& Love) My Stuff - Harps

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#1620 Why People Hate (& Love) My Stuff - Harps · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: I get a team. I hope you will. Hope you're
0:04
Speaker 1: having a good week. It's Tuesday, as I sit down
0:06
Speaker 1: to record this, it is ten twenty seven and the
0:10
Speaker 1: am in Melbs. It's been an interesting week or so
0:14
Speaker 1: on Planet Me. It's a solo today, as you obviously
0:19
Speaker 1: have gathered. Went up to see the oldies yesterday, to
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Speaker 1: see the old man. The old man struggling a little
0:24
Speaker 1: bit with a few things, seems to be turning the corner.
0:29
Speaker 1: Bless his little socks, trying to keep him mobile mentally,
0:33
Speaker 1: emotionally and physically. Had a little bit of a setback,
0:36
Speaker 1: but he's on the road to recovery. And the old
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Speaker 1: Dull bless her socks. The fucking the super nurse, the Dota,
0:43
Speaker 1: the Caramm's just hovering like fucking Florence Nightingale around him
0:49
Speaker 1: and just waiting on him hand and foot. And the
0:54
Speaker 1: only child tries to get up there as much as
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Speaker 1: he can and give a little bit of support and love.
0:59
Speaker 1: And anyway, that's enough of what's going on on Planet Me.
1:05
Speaker 1: So I've just been reading some stuff and I thought
1:08
Speaker 1: I thought I might take the stuff that I've been
1:11
Speaker 1: reading and turn it into a chat with you. Around
1:17
Speaker 1: this propensity that we can have to try to resonate
1:24
Speaker 1: with everyone, or to try to keep everyone happy, or
1:28
Speaker 1: to want to please everyone, and the impossibility and impracticality
1:35
Speaker 1: of that. And while we want to be we want
1:38
Speaker 1: to be a good person with good intentions, we're always
1:43
Speaker 1: going to have people who, for whatever reason, will find
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Speaker 1: offense or discontent or be angry, or be resentful, or
1:53
Speaker 1: be whatever, or enlightened or joyful or appreciative of something
1:58
Speaker 1: that comes out of your mouth or something that comes
2:01
Speaker 1: off your keyboard or from your fingers. I guess so
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Speaker 1: I's just reading on LinkedIn. I was having a bit
2:08
Speaker 1: of a squisite LinkedIn. Now, Jeff, if we have met,
2:12
Speaker 1: I apologize. We may have met. I'm not sure. But anyway,
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Speaker 1: there's a dude called Jeff McKeon who follows me. Seems
2:20
Speaker 1: like a really nice guy. Says, post some great stuff
2:25
Speaker 1: and put up one of my posts yesterday. I'll read
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Speaker 1: you the post in a minute, and the reason I'm
2:30
Speaker 1: reading this will become apparent. So he wrote emotional regulation,
2:35
Speaker 1: self awareness, neuroscience, wisdom and philosophy all in a single
2:39
Speaker 1: Australian quote, talking about my quote. Thanks Craig Harper still
2:43
Speaker 1: makes me laugh, but it is such a valuable way
2:46
Speaker 1: to get the message across to anyone. Stay awesome and
2:48
Speaker 1: stay kind, nice sentiments. So the post I wrote was
2:54
Speaker 1: or the post that he shared of mind which I'd
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Speaker 1: written this years and there's probably six, seven, eight years old,
3:01
Speaker 1: and it is shit happens, has happened, and will continue
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Speaker 1: to happen. But you, the reactor to the shit, get
3:08
Speaker 1: to decide what it means and what impact it will have,
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Speaker 1: if any, in your world, because shit doesn't determine you.
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Speaker 1: You determine shit. Now, I know when I write that
3:20
Speaker 1: that there will be a percentage of people who don't
3:23
Speaker 1: resonate with that. There will be some that think, oh, yeah,
3:27
Speaker 1: I understand what he's on about and that kind of
3:28
Speaker 1: makes sense. And there might be a group who go,
3:32
Speaker 1: I fucking love that. That is exactly what I needed
3:35
Speaker 1: to read or hear, and so on and so on.
3:37
Speaker 1: And I expect that I will have all three responses
3:40
Speaker 1: and more. And one of the realities of I guess,
3:45
Speaker 1: not just for me, but anyone who's on social media,
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Speaker 1: is if you have an audience and there are people
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Speaker 1: going to watch your video or listen to your audio
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Speaker 1: or read what you wrote, then you are putting yourself
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Speaker 1: up to be evaluated, scene judged, critics, eyes, supported, endorsed,
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Speaker 1: and not that we want to be criticized, but if
4:04
Speaker 1: you're putting yourself out there publicly, that is, once you
4:08
Speaker 1: get to a certain audience threshold, that is a certain
4:11
Speaker 1: amount of eyes or ears on you, then it is
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Speaker 1: It's not probable, it's inevitable, you know. And so of
4:20
Speaker 1: course everything that I put up, I never write anything
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Speaker 1: to offend anyone. I've never sat down. I've never sat
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Speaker 1: down with the intention of writing something that people might
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Speaker 1: find offensive. I've never sat down with the intention of
4:37
Speaker 1: being critical of a particular person. I've never tried to
4:41
Speaker 1: get anyone off side. But nonetheless, there have been thousands
4:44
Speaker 1: of people I would suspect that didn't like what I wrote,
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Speaker 1: that were offended by what I wrote, while you know,
4:52
Speaker 1: another ninety eight percent of people reading the same post
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Speaker 1: were not. But nonetheless they were offended or they were
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Speaker 1: bothered by me, my idea, what they thought was my
5:02
Speaker 1: intention and whatever. And so I know this, and I
5:05
Speaker 1: accept this, And also I also know that I will
5:09
Speaker 1: get things wrong. I also know that I will misjudge things.
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Speaker 1: I also know that my intentions, my good intentions, won't
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Speaker 1: always create good consequences or outcomes. And I need to
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Speaker 1: know this, and I need to be this aware, and
5:21
Speaker 1: I need to be this vulnerable and real and say
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Speaker 1: that I will fuck things up, and I will make
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Speaker 1: judgment calls that are incorrect or misguided or off the
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Speaker 1: mark or whatever, and I will do that, and I
5:33
Speaker 1: will keep doing that, not because I want to, but
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Speaker 1: because I'm flawed and because I'm human, despite the fact
5:40
Speaker 1: that I don't get paid to put all the things
5:43
Speaker 1: I do. And even if you say, yeah, but what
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Speaker 1: about indirectly, trust me, the time, effort, and energy that
5:49
Speaker 1: I have put into social media over the years doesn't
5:54
Speaker 1: if I was doing it for remuneration. If I was
5:57
Speaker 1: doing it for commercial reasons, I would be the worst
6:00
Speaker 1: business man in the world. I do it because one
6:04
Speaker 1: I mostly enjoy it, but two I think it helps.
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Speaker 1: It doesn't help everybody, but I absolutely know it helps
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Speaker 1: some people because I get that feedback, and I get
6:15
Speaker 1: more positive than negative feedback, but nonetheless I get negative feedback.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely fine with it, Okay with it, and so I
6:22
Speaker 1: want to you know, I think one of the challenges
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Speaker 1: for us is that we want people to love us,
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Speaker 1: to like us, to agree with us, to align with us.
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Speaker 1: We don't put something up on social media, be it
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Speaker 1: Facebook or LinkedIn or Instagram. We don't put something up
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Speaker 1: to be criticized. We do it we generally think that
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Speaker 1: we're going to get or we want some support or endorsement,
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Speaker 1: or we think that people are going to like what
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Speaker 1: we've put up, or approve of what we've put us up,
6:51
Speaker 1: or think better of us because of what we've put up.
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Speaker 1: That's why we put shit up. If we're being honest,
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Speaker 1: we don't put things up because we're trying to be
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Speaker 1: criticized or marginalized or rejected. We don't. But nonetheless, that
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Speaker 1: is part of the human experience. And what I find
7:10
Speaker 1: really interesting is that that sometimes I will put up
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Speaker 1: a message on one of my platforms, one of my pages,
7:20
Speaker 1: and because I would say, for the most part, I
7:25
Speaker 1: have what we call a warm audience. So for example,
7:29
Speaker 1: if I go to do a workshop and it's a
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Speaker 1: Craig Harper event, people have bought a ticket to come
7:34
Speaker 1: to see me, like I did on the weekend last
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Speaker 1: weekend in Bendigo, and everyone except about three reluctant husbands
7:43
Speaker 1: which was fucking hilarious. By the way, sidetrack let me sidetrack.
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Speaker 1: So one of the things I do whenever there is
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Speaker 1: a workshop. I don't know why this is. I'm not
7:53
Speaker 1: suggesting anything by it. It's just how it is. But
7:56
Speaker 1: most of the workshops that I run, and most of
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Speaker 1: the camps that I run, which are two day living
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Speaker 1: things by half day workshops, my full day workshops that
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Speaker 1: are open to the public, generally those audiences are somewhere
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Speaker 1: around eighty to ninety five percent women. And last weekend
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Speaker 1: in Bendigo it was probably it's probably eighty percent women.
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Speaker 1: I guess that's a conversation for the why as a
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Speaker 1: conversation for another day. There's always men who have been
8:25
Speaker 1: dragged along, who don't want to be there, who think
8:28
Speaker 1: I'm probably a fuckword, who don't want to listen to me,
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Speaker 1: but their wife or their partner thinks that they need
8:34
Speaker 1: to hear me, which is that idea is fraught with danger.
8:37
Speaker 1: And it was funny because on the weekend I said,
8:41
Speaker 1: I said exactly that what I just said to you.
8:44
Speaker 1: I said that to the group before we got underway,
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Speaker 1: and so I said, so I'm interested are who are
8:49
Speaker 1: you you men who didn't choose to be here, who
8:52
Speaker 1: didn't want to be here, who probably still don't want
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Speaker 1: to be here in this moment, but you were dragged along.
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Speaker 1: Who are you? And by the way, I'm sorry, and
9:00
Speaker 1: I hope it's not shit for you. And a whole
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Speaker 1: bunch of hands went up, all these blokes who didn't
9:05
Speaker 1: want to be there. And so you know, for me,
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Speaker 1: I know that there will be people even in what
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Speaker 1: we call a warm audience like that, people who for
9:14
Speaker 1: the most part bought a ticket and decided to come
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Speaker 1: along and invest some time and energy and a few
9:19
Speaker 1: dollars into the Craig experience, whatever that looks like. That's
9:24
Speaker 1: a mostly warm audience. But there will still be people
9:26
Speaker 1: there with their arms crossed and their minds crossed. And
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Speaker 1: there will be still people there that walk away from
9:31
Speaker 1: a day like that, who go, they'h not great value.
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Speaker 1: I don't agree with him, maybe even I don't like him.
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Speaker 1: There will be other people who go, that was the
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Speaker 1: best day of my life. There will be somebody put
9:41
Speaker 1: up a thing yesterday that I saw which was lovely
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Speaker 1: and said he's the best best speaker I've ever heard
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Speaker 1: in my life. And that was beautiful, but I can
9:49
Speaker 1: almost guarantee you there'd be someone within a stone's throw
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Speaker 1: of that lady who didn't think it was good at all. Right,
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Speaker 1: And this is not good or bad, And this is
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Speaker 1: not me looking for support or sympathy. This is me
9:58
Speaker 1: just talking about the inevitab ability of people who will
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Speaker 1: connect with you, people who will not connect with you,
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Speaker 1: people who will find your good intentions a negative experience.
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Speaker 1: And so there is no fix in inverted comments for this.
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Speaker 1: It's just an opportunity for us to open this door
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Speaker 1: of awareness so that we're not constantly being hurt or offended,
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Speaker 1: and also at the same time, we're not constantly in
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Speaker 1: conflict with people who don't agree with us or who
10:30
Speaker 1: don't like our message or our You know, my job
10:34
Speaker 1: is not to evangelize people. I don't want people to
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Speaker 1: join the Crag cult. I don't want people to think
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Speaker 1: like me or agree with me. I want to share
10:43
Speaker 1: thoughts and ideas and messages and strategies and information and
10:48
Speaker 1: inspiration and education. Hopefully that's what I want to do,
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Speaker 1: and then whoever will resonate with that, or whoever will
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Speaker 1: find some value in it, they might then earned that
11:00
Speaker 1: theory that I share that idea, that message, they might
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Speaker 1: turn that into a decision and then some behavior, and
11:07
Speaker 1: then potentially they might turn that thing into a positive
11:12
Speaker 1: results in their world. And if I was a small
11:16
Speaker 1: part of that something I said on a podcast like
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Speaker 1: this was a genesis for that one, I'm really happy
11:23
Speaker 1: because that's the outcome that I love. But also at
11:26
Speaker 1: the same time, I didn't do it. I didn't do it.
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Speaker 1: I just had a very small, perhaps influence in the
11:33
Speaker 1: person's thinking. And then they did the work, they made
11:36
Speaker 1: the choice, they took the action, they created the outcomes. So,
11:39
Speaker 1: as I've said many times before, I'm not the answer. Also,
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Speaker 1: I'm not the problem. I can't. I can't make anyone
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Speaker 1: feel a certain way. But people will feel a certain way.
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Speaker 1: But I will say one thing, and ten people will
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Speaker 1: have a different experience of that one thing that I say,
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Speaker 1: because I don't deter and individual experiences. If I could,
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Speaker 1: I would, I would go, all right, well everyone is
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Speaker 1: going to love this, and everyone would love it. But
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Speaker 1: I can't, and that isn't how it works. So as
12:15
Speaker 1: a teacher, as a coach, as a presenter, and whatever
12:18
Speaker 1: your role is, I'm sure that part of your life
12:21
Speaker 1: if not, a lot of your life is about connection,
12:23
Speaker 1: is about working with or communicating or connecting with other people,
12:27
Speaker 1: is about solving problems. And maybe you're sharing messages or
12:32
Speaker 1: ideas or inspiration or coaching online like I do. Maybe
12:36
Speaker 1: you're a slightly different version of me. The truth is
12:41
Speaker 1: that we're going to We're going to not align with people,
12:46
Speaker 1: and we will align with other people from the exact
12:50
Speaker 1: same stimulus. So you know, what will make one person
12:54
Speaker 1: laugh will make somebody else offended. You know, statistically, they
12:59
Speaker 1: will always be a percentage of people who don't like
13:03
Speaker 1: maybe don't like you and not even for a good reason,
13:09
Speaker 1: or don't like what you say. So my my intention,
13:14
Speaker 1: as I've said before, is always something positive. Here. It's
13:19
Speaker 1: to share ideas, thoughts, messages which might inspire, which might inform,
13:23
Speaker 1: which might alight enlighten people. But I'm also cognizant that
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Speaker 1: my intention will often not be someone else's experience, and
13:33
Speaker 1: I can't avoid that. That's okay. I do my very
13:38
Speaker 1: best to understand the minds of and this is which
13:43
Speaker 1: I've spoken about many times. It's in my my PhD
13:47
Speaker 1: wheelhouse is to understand how I think, to understand how
13:50
Speaker 1: others think to understand the micro of this person in
13:54
Speaker 1: front of me, to understand the macro of this podcast audience.
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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm very fortunate that I meet lots
14:02
Speaker 1: of people who listen to the show. I have friends
14:04
Speaker 1: who listen to the show, and we have a Facebook
14:07
Speaker 1: page which I would love you to be involved, and
14:09
Speaker 1: if you're not, just called the U Project Facebook group,
14:13
Speaker 1: I think it's called you'll find it, and in there
14:16
Speaker 1: people jump online and share thoughts, ideas, feedback messages, and
14:19
Speaker 1: that gives me the insight, gives me an insight into
14:23
Speaker 1: the mind of our listeners because I want to understand
14:28
Speaker 1: the Craig experience. I want to understand the typ experience.
14:31
Speaker 1: I want to understand whether or not what I am
14:35
Speaker 1: saying and how I am saying it, my thoughts, ideas, messages, information, inspiration, education,
14:40
Speaker 1: all of that stuff. I know I say that shit
14:43
Speaker 1: a lot. I apologize. I just had a moment of awareness.
14:47
Speaker 1: But whether or not that stuff resonates with most, I
14:51
Speaker 1: know it won't with all. But I'm not trying to
14:54
Speaker 1: be everything for everyone, and I'm not trying to create
14:58
Speaker 1: universal connection, though I would love it, but I'm not
15:02
Speaker 1: trying to create universal connection. I'm trying to create the
15:06
Speaker 1: best level of connection that I can. And so back
15:12
Speaker 1: to what Jeff posted on LinkedIn. You know when I
15:17
Speaker 1: write something like I'll say it again, shit happens, has happened,
15:21
Speaker 1: and will continue to happen. But you, the reactor to
15:24
Speaker 1: the shit, get to decide what it means and what
15:26
Speaker 1: impact it will have, if any, in your world. Because
15:30
Speaker 1: shit doesn't determine you. You determine shit. In other words,
15:33
Speaker 1: it's saying you know, stuff's going to happen. There will
15:37
Speaker 1: always be stuff that happens good and bad to you,
15:40
Speaker 1: around you, because of you, in spite of you, stuff
15:43
Speaker 1: that's out of your control. But what is in your
15:46
Speaker 1: control In the middle of the good and the bad,
15:50
Speaker 1: the scene and the unseen, the predicted and the uncpredicted,
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Speaker 1: the beautiful and the chaotic. In the middle of all
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Speaker 1: of that, you and I get to try, at the
16:00
Speaker 1: very least, to determine us, to create our own experience.
16:07
Speaker 1: So that was the post. Now I want to I
16:09
Speaker 1: want to share with you some of the individual responses.
16:13
Speaker 1: And this is what I love, you know. So this
16:16
Speaker 1: lady called Sandra wrote I need that on a T shirt.
16:20
Speaker 1: Shit doesn't determine you. You determined shit, so clearly resonated
16:24
Speaker 1: with her. She wants to put on a T shirt.
16:26
Speaker 1: Great this next lady Anette. Anette wrote, no, it's not
16:31
Speaker 1: that simple. Your choices are governed by beliefs and patterns
16:34
Speaker 1: Arda da and goes on and on and it's good
16:36
Speaker 1: and what she says is valid and I kind of agree,
16:41
Speaker 1: but also at the same time, I didn't say it
16:44
Speaker 1: was simple, but I understand. So one positive, one yeah,
16:48
Speaker 1: maybe not negative, but heading towards negative. Then another lady
16:53
Speaker 1: called Anita goes on and says, in my humble opinion,
16:58
Speaker 1: I think it's important to con the biopsychological, bio biopsychological
17:04
Speaker 1: and physiological aspects of emotion, emotions, storage of emotions in
17:08
Speaker 1: the body, and involuntary trauma and responses and ans. I
17:12
Speaker 1: find that hyper positivity mind of a matter approach removes
17:15
Speaker 1: these and goes on and on again. I'm not saying
17:18
Speaker 1: that's good or bout. I'm going, oh wow, you know,
17:20
Speaker 1: out of a kind of a pretty straightforward whiteboard message,
17:25
Speaker 1: there's and again, not good or bad, just different, And
17:28
Speaker 1: I read it and I'm its some of it really
17:30
Speaker 1: resonated with me. And then Pam wrote this is pretty stupid.
17:36
Speaker 1: It sounds like a fourth grader wrote that. And can
17:41
Speaker 1: I say, Pam, bless your little socks. I don't disagree
17:45
Speaker 1: with you. I don't. I don't share your sentiment. But
17:48
Speaker 1: it's stupid. But I'm very happy for you to think that.
17:54
Speaker 1: And I'm not being disingenuous here. And the bit that
17:57
Speaker 1: you wrote it sounds like a fourth grader wrote that.
18:00
Speaker 1: I kind of agree. It's like, yeah, I am, I am.
18:05
Speaker 1: I think. One of the things that I do is
18:08
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't do it well, by the way, but
18:10
Speaker 1: one of the things that I try and do is
18:13
Speaker 1: I try to share what can be heavy or complicated messages,
18:23
Speaker 1: sometimes in a fundamental, simplistic way so that we get it.
18:28
Speaker 1: And it's not like that simple message about shit doesn't
18:31
Speaker 1: determine you. You determined shit and the rest. It's not like, oh, wow,
18:34
Speaker 1: this is going to change someone's life. But for me,
18:37
Speaker 1: it's not that this is some profound insight into research
18:41
Speaker 1: and science and psychology and philosophy. For me, it's more,
18:46
Speaker 1: how about I just chuck this up there and get
18:48
Speaker 1: people thinking, and what if this little simple post is
18:52
Speaker 1: the beginning of somebody opening a door or pulling back
18:56
Speaker 1: a curtain and going on their own journey of oh wow, Well,
19:00
Speaker 1: maybe I can, maybe despite the mayhem and the craziness
19:05
Speaker 1: and the good and bad of my life, maybe I
19:07
Speaker 1: can self regulate. Maybe I can self manage. Maybe I
19:11
Speaker 1: can write my own story instead of having one written
19:14
Speaker 1: for me. And then, so dude, a dude called Rock,
19:20
Speaker 1: shout out to Rock goes It is that simple, okay,
19:24
Speaker 1: gid up. Mental toughness is a character trait developed as
19:28
Speaker 1: a reaction to failure. You determine your fate if you
19:31
Speaker 1: so choose. Some things are just outside your control. Your
19:35
Speaker 1: reaction to that is the measure of your character. So
19:38
Speaker 1: Rock's on board again. I think it's a bit more
19:43
Speaker 1: than what he said. But he's kind of on team Craig,
19:45
Speaker 1: I think. But also, eh, it's okay, Tammy, right, I
19:51
Speaker 1: love this, Thanks Tammy. Ah Muss who's a doctor, a
19:59
Speaker 1: heart doctor. Apparently. I think we can change our perspective
20:03
Speaker 1: by not calling things happening as shit. That approach leads
20:07
Speaker 1: to victim and loser mentality. Well in your opinion, Muss,
20:13
Speaker 1: And that's cool. That's cool. So not a fan, all right,
20:20
Speaker 1: Dave McDonald Yep. Love that. It's never the situation, it's
20:24
Speaker 1: one hundred percent how you choose to react to it.
20:27
Speaker 1: Thanks for the support, Dave. I think it's I like
20:32
Speaker 1: that we're on the same page. I think it's not
20:36
Speaker 1: only one hundred percent how you choose. I think there
20:38
Speaker 1: are other variables, but I think the way that you
20:40
Speaker 1: respond is a big parts of it. Joey wrote, nice one,
20:44
Speaker 1: thank you for bringing a smile to my day. M
20:49
Speaker 1: mo hit wrote, this looks like something that is taken
20:52
Speaker 1: straight out of a Mark Manson blog. Now. Mark Manson
20:55
Speaker 1: is the guy that wrote the subtle art of not
20:58
Speaker 1: giving a fuck, and people have compared me to him
21:02
Speaker 1: and gone, oh you, And I just want to point
21:04
Speaker 1: out that he wrote his book. So my fuck book,
21:07
Speaker 1: which was Stopped Fucking Around, was written in twenty ten,
21:11
Speaker 1: and I think his was written some six or seven
21:13
Speaker 1: years later, Which is not to say anyone copied anyone.
21:16
Speaker 1: They didn't. And his is a great book. But I
21:21
Speaker 1: definitely didn't model myself on Mark Manson. This looks like
21:25
Speaker 1: something that has taken straight out of a Mark Manson
21:27
Speaker 1: blog blog post with a little stoicism mixed with it.
21:33
Speaker 1: The subtle art of not giving a shit, and Garth
21:36
Speaker 1: wrote such basic language and a powerful impact. Karen wrote,
21:43
Speaker 1: love this straight to the point and true and on
21:46
Speaker 1: and on and so there was. I won't bang on
21:48
Speaker 1: about it, but there was a lot of comments. Some
21:50
Speaker 1: of them really insightful, and some of them said things
21:54
Speaker 1: that I hadn't thought about. Some of them made really
21:56
Speaker 1: valid points. Some of them disagreed with what I said,
22:00
Speaker 1: some of them agreed with what I said, and all
22:02
Speaker 1: of that I am fine with. And as I mentioned
22:04
Speaker 1: recently on a podcast, one of my favorite people in
22:08
Speaker 1: the world was a guy who taught me at UNI
22:10
Speaker 1: first time round with my first degree professor Paul Callory,
22:14
Speaker 1: who said to me, mister Harper, if you don't want
22:16
Speaker 1: to offend anyone, then say nothing, do nothing, be nothing,
22:19
Speaker 1: and stand for nothing. And I probably mentioned that ten
22:22
Speaker 1: times over six years, and it just nobody had ever
22:25
Speaker 1: told me anything like that. And I guess, at my heart,
22:29
Speaker 1: at my core, for a long time anyway, I was
22:33
Speaker 1: very much a people pleaser. But the only problem with
22:37
Speaker 1: being a people pleaser, or the I guess there's a
22:40
Speaker 1: couple one is they're never going to be pleased permanently.
22:43
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what you do, someone's going to find
22:45
Speaker 1: a reason to get fucked off at you. Two. If
22:49
Speaker 1: you're just trying to keep them happy, then eventually you're
22:53
Speaker 1: going to say, or do or be something that is
22:56
Speaker 1: not real for you. It's not authentic. It's not really
22:59
Speaker 1: you be or sharing or owning who you really are.
23:03
Speaker 1: It's you trying to create a positive outcome with a person,
23:06
Speaker 1: which means you're now being disingenuous. Right, it is okay
23:11
Speaker 1: for us to say no, It is okay for us
23:14
Speaker 1: to not agree. It is okay for us, it's okay
23:18
Speaker 1: for that lady to say this sounds like it was
23:20
Speaker 1: written by a fourth grader, it's okay. Like, not only
23:24
Speaker 1: is it okay, it's better than okay. And I'm going
23:28
Speaker 1: to say, not only is it okay for people to
23:32
Speaker 1: be critical? And of course I'm normal, Like sometimes if
23:35
Speaker 1: people are scathing and horrible, it hurts a little bit,
23:38
Speaker 1: but I'm a big boy. But quite often the criticisms
23:42
Speaker 1: that people have, or the contrary ideas or perspectives that
23:49
Speaker 1: people have for me enlightening. And there have been many
23:54
Speaker 1: times where somebody has written something that I thought, Wow,
23:58
Speaker 1: I didn't think of that, or I didn't look at
24:00
Speaker 1: it through that window. And There've been more than a
24:03
Speaker 1: few times where over time I've realized either one I
24:08
Speaker 1: was wrong or two I didn't express that idea or
24:10
Speaker 1: thought a message in a way which was optimal or ideal.
24:14
Speaker 1: And also, you know, for me, and I would hope
24:19
Speaker 1: for you. You know, I'm more intent. I'm more interested
24:24
Speaker 1: in creating connection and rapport and trust and helping people
24:29
Speaker 1: in a real and powerful way over the long term
24:32
Speaker 1: than I am interested in popularity in the short term.
24:38
Speaker 1: I know that I could write stuff, I could say stuff,
24:42
Speaker 1: I could share stuff that will probably make me more popular,
24:49
Speaker 1: but if that was what I was after, and by
24:51
Speaker 1: the way, of course, I have no desire to be unpopular,
24:54
Speaker 1: But I'm not driven by that need for approval and
25:00
Speaker 1: universal you know, love or endorsement. I'm not driven by
25:03
Speaker 1: that because I know when I'm driven by that, I'm
25:06
Speaker 1: being inauthentic. But my point is, and if I'm sound
25:12
Speaker 1: like I'm driveling today, I apologize because clearly this is
25:15
Speaker 1: a very freestyle affair. But people are going to hate
25:19
Speaker 1: my stuff, people are going to love my stuff, and
25:21
Speaker 1: the stuff that people hate and love will often be
25:24
Speaker 1: the same stuff, and that is okay. So my goal
25:29
Speaker 1: when I'm doing a podcast, my goal when I'm writing
25:31
Speaker 1: a book, my goal when I'm doing a presentation, my
25:34
Speaker 1: goal when I'm putting up a post on social media,
25:38
Speaker 1: it is not to get universal endorsement or approval or love,
25:44
Speaker 1: but rather to share something which has as much as
25:51
Speaker 1: I can optimal effect in a positive way. Optimal impact
25:55
Speaker 1: in a positive way. But I need to be prepared
25:59
Speaker 1: to keep doing what I'm doing and dealing with the
26:04
Speaker 1: what feels like hate. I don't think it's hate. I
26:07
Speaker 1: do get I do get some overt hate every now
26:10
Speaker 1: and then, but for the most part, it's people who
26:13
Speaker 1: just think. And even if someone does think I'm a dickhead,
26:15
Speaker 1: or even if somebody does think, that's okay. I mean,
26:19
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, then I'm being aware. Of course
26:21
Speaker 1: I'm a dickhead sometimes. Of course, of course I'm unaware
26:27
Speaker 1: at times. Of course I say the wrong thing at times,
26:31
Speaker 1: you know. But what is funny is I'm not even
26:33
Speaker 1: going to say what it is. But the other day,
26:35
Speaker 1: Tiff put up a TIF put up a video of
26:39
Speaker 1: me talking about her cat in very very very disparaging terms.
26:46
Speaker 1: It was a joke. It was a joke. I actually
26:48
Speaker 1: don't hate cats at all. In fact, there's a cat
26:50
Speaker 1: that hangs out at my joint who's about twice the
26:53
Speaker 1: size of a normal cat and black and kind of cool,
26:56
Speaker 1: and we hang out a bit sometimes in the garden.
26:59
Speaker 1: I don't hate cats. But you know, the funny thing
27:02
Speaker 1: was that that video bothered a small percentage of people,
27:07
Speaker 1: one or two percent did not like it, didn't like
27:09
Speaker 1: what I said, despite the fact that on no level
27:14
Speaker 1: was our being serious. But I understand it. But also
27:18
Speaker 1: overwhelmingly people found it funny, like the far greater percentage.
27:23
Speaker 1: But you know, we know that the thing that will
27:25
Speaker 1: make one person laugh, will make another person confused, will
27:29
Speaker 1: make another person offended, We'll make another person something else,
27:33
Speaker 1: And all of that is that's the nature of communication.
27:36
Speaker 1: That's the nature of interacting with others, and intersecting with
27:42
Speaker 1: others beyond the self, that is you. If there's an
27:45
Speaker 1: audience of one or one hundred or one thousand or
27:48
Speaker 1: one million, there's a chance that somebody is going to
27:52
Speaker 1: be fucked off by you. There's a chance that someone
27:54
Speaker 1: else is going to connect with you. Some chances someone
27:56
Speaker 1: else is going to think you're brilliant and so on.
27:59
Speaker 1: So rather than trying to stave off the negativity or
28:05
Speaker 1: foster the love, I think I think the mission for
28:10
Speaker 1: me anyway, and maybe the mission for you, is to
28:12
Speaker 1: just be real and authentic while still exercising discernment and wisdom.
28:19
Speaker 1: There are things that I think that I won't say
28:21
Speaker 1: publicly because I don't think it would create a good outcome.
28:24
Speaker 1: Not because I'm scared, but because I don't think it's
28:27
Speaker 1: going to help people. I don't think it's going to
28:29
Speaker 1: lead to anything positive, nothing amazing. By the way, so
28:34
Speaker 1: there's that too. I'm not going to say something just
28:37
Speaker 1: because I think it to be true if I realize
28:41
Speaker 1: that that thing that I'm going to say out loud
28:45
Speaker 1: will not help people, or will not be of value
28:47
Speaker 1: to people, or I believe it won't be of value
28:50
Speaker 1: or of service or help to the majority anyway. Team
28:55
Speaker 1: hope you got something from that. And Jeff, thanks for
28:58
Speaker 1: posting my stuff on LinkedIn. And if you're not a
29:02
Speaker 1: member of the or you're not following us or linked
29:06
Speaker 1: up on the Facebook group the You Project podcast facebook group,
29:12
Speaker 1: I would really love to I'm going to be honest.
29:15
Speaker 1: I'm still going no, no, I haven't stopped yet. In the
29:18
Speaker 1: old days, I used to have a thing called a blog.
29:19
Speaker 1: Some of you remember what a blog A weblog. Blog
29:22
Speaker 1: is an abbreviation of web log. Did you know that?
29:27
Speaker 1: Just like what I'm doing right now, it's not a podcast,
29:29
Speaker 1: it's an episode. It's an episode of the podcast is
29:32
Speaker 1: called the You Experience. This is an episode. People go,
29:36
Speaker 1: you did another podcast? I get it, but technically not correct.
29:39
Speaker 1: But in the old days I used to have I
29:43
Speaker 1: used to have a blog and it was just a
29:46
Speaker 1: really nice online forum. And believe it or not, I
29:49
Speaker 1: had eighty thousand subscribers, and so everyone who subscribed would
29:56
Speaker 1: share their email with us. That's how they would become
29:58
Speaker 1: a subscriber. Essentially, it was like just the daily email.
30:04
Speaker 1: But I would write a blog that is a blog post.
30:08
Speaker 1: Colin Craig, don't contradict yourself. I would write a blog post,
30:13
Speaker 1: a daily post, and it would be anywhere between twenty
30:16
Speaker 1: words and a few hundred words, and there'd be a
30:18
Speaker 1: topic and there'd be it was kind of like I
30:20
Speaker 1: written this like a written podcast, really, and so that
30:25
Speaker 1: would go out to eighty thousand emails and then then
30:30
Speaker 1: people would hit a link. They'd hit a link to
30:32
Speaker 1: be able to get into the blog, to be able
30:34
Speaker 1: to read what I'd written on that day, and they
30:36
Speaker 1: could like it, and there'd be comments under it, and
30:39
Speaker 1: there would be thousands. I mean, we had an online forum,
30:43
Speaker 1: and at any time you could go I could go
30:45
Speaker 1: into the forum, or molistically go into the forum, and
30:48
Speaker 1: you could see how many people were in there, how
30:51
Speaker 1: many people were in that forum and talking about different
30:54
Speaker 1: following different threads, talking about different conversations, asking questions, sharing ideas,
30:59
Speaker 1: And it was for the most part, a very positive,
31:03
Speaker 1: supportive place, and I really liked it. It was free
31:07
Speaker 1: and we didn't sell anything on there. There was no
31:09
Speaker 1: hookcatch agenda. It was just a place for people to
31:12
Speaker 1: hang out online. And it was the early days. It
31:14
Speaker 1: was the early days, so there were a lot of
31:16
Speaker 1: early adopters, and there wasn't the level of that complete
31:20
Speaker 1: saturation of information that we have now. So it was
31:25
Speaker 1: a different time and a different kind of phase of
31:28
Speaker 1: the evolution of media and social media and the like.
31:32
Speaker 1: But anyway, what I wouldn't mind doing is like creating
31:36
Speaker 1: a smaller version of that where people can hang out
31:38
Speaker 1: and talk. And what's happened lately on the Facebook page
31:43
Speaker 1: is that people have been jumping in and asking questions
31:46
Speaker 1: and saying, you know what, remember that conversation Craig had
31:49
Speaker 1: about such and such? Does does anyone remember who that
31:52
Speaker 1: was with or what number episode that was? And people
31:55
Speaker 1: are answering, and then all people are asking questions about stuff,
31:58
Speaker 1: and people are starting to get a nice little feel
32:01
Speaker 1: for a little bit of an online community. So if
32:05
Speaker 1: that's of interest to you, jump in and yeah, love
32:10
Speaker 1: your guts, see you next time.