Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 283: Breaking Childhood Dysfunction Through Self-Healing and Nature: Guest Fairy Kelly Kinney

Transcript

E 283: Breaking Childhood Dysfunction Through Self-Healing and Nature: Guest Fairy Kelly Kinney · Adult Child of Dysfunction

0:47
Hello
0:47
everybody.
0:48
Welcome
0:48
back
0:49
to
0:49
another
0:49
episode
0:50
Today
0:50
with
0:50
us
0:50
I
0:51
today
0:51
we
0:51
have
0:51
with
0:52
us
0:52
a
0:52
actually
0:53
very
0:53
special
0:53
guest.
0:54
Her
0:55
name
0:55
is
0:55
Fairy
0:55
Kelly.
0:56
That's
0:56
what
0:56
she
0:56
goes
0:57
by.
0:57
And
0:57
I
0:57
absolutely
0:58
love
0:58
that.
0:58
She
0:58
is
0:58
a
0:58
mystic
0:59
bridge
0:59
between
1:00
world's
1:00
birth
1:00
worker,
1:01
flame
1:02
keeper
1:02
and
1:03
founder
1:03
of
1:03
the
1:04
Wild
1:04
Way
1:04
Apotha
1:05
Ferry
1:05
in
1:05
New
1:06
Hope,
1:06
Pennsylvania.
1:07
She's
1:07
a
1:07
two
1:07
time
1:08
international
1:08
best
1:08
selling
1:09
author
1:09
and
1:10
a
1:10
co
1:10
creatrix
1:11
of
1:11
the
1:11
revered
1:12
fairy
1:12
hair
1:13
artistry
1:13
that
1:13
has
1:14
swept
1:14
the
1:14
world.
1:14
She
1:15
spent
1:15
over
1:15
20
1:16
years
1:16
guiding
1:16
women
1:17
through
1:17
birth
1:17
embodiment,
1:18
ritual,
1:19
beau,
1:20
beauty
1:21
and
1:21
soul
1:21
sparkle.
1:22
Welcome
1:23
Kelly.
1:24
Hi
1:25
Tammy.
1:26
Thank
1:26
you
1:26
so
1:26
much.
1:27
So
1:27
doesn't
1:28
that
1:28
sound
1:28
fun?
1:28
When
1:28
somebody
1:29
else
1:29
reads
1:29
your
1:30
bio,
1:30
you're
1:30
like,
1:31
wow,
1:31
wow.
1:32
Touch
1:32
me,
1:32
right?
1:35
So
1:35
I'm
1:36
just
1:36
going
1:36
to
1:36
jump
1:36
right
1:37
in,
1:37
but
1:37
I'm
1:37
going
1:37
to
1:37
let
1:38
you
1:38
explain,
1:38
explain
1:38
some
1:38
of
1:39
this
1:39
stuff
1:39
because
1:39
the
1:40
listeners
1:40
out
1:40
there,
1:40
you've
1:41
probably
1:41
never
1:41
heard
1:42
of
1:42
some
1:42
of
1:42
these
1:43
terms
1:44
like
1:44
world's
1:44
birth
1:45
worker
1:45
or
1:45
flame
1:46
keeper.
1:47
So
1:48
tell
1:48
us
1:48
a
1:48
little
1:48
bit
1:48
about
1:49
you,
1:49
how
1:49
you
1:49
got
1:50
started
1:50
in
1:50
your
1:50
work
1:51
and
1:51
what
1:52
lights
1:53
you
1:53
up,
1:53
girl.
1:56
Wow.
1:58
Okay.
1:58
So
1:59
we
1:59
only
1:59
have
2:00
a
2:00
small
2:00
window
2:01
of
2:01
time
2:02
and
2:03
there
2:03
I,
2:05
I'm
2:05
a
2:05
palette
2:07
like
2:07
so
2:07
many
2:08
of
2:08
us
2:08
are.
2:10
And
2:11
I
2:12
really,
2:13
I
2:13
feel
2:13
like
2:14
my
2:14
work
2:16
began
2:17
at
2:17
birth.
2:18
Like
2:18
seriously,
2:21
you
2:21
know,
2:23
it
2:23
just
2:24
had
2:24
shape
2:25
shifted
2:26
so
2:26
much
2:26
through
2:27
my
2:27
life
2:28
from
2:29
starting
2:29
from
2:29
being
2:30
abandoned
2:31
in
2:31
a
2:31
very
2:31
traumatic
2:32
way
2:34
and
2:34
then
2:34
adopted
2:35
within
2:35
the
2:35
family,
2:36
but
2:36
kind
2:36
of
2:37
passed
2:37
around
2:38
within
2:38
toddler
2:39
years
2:39
and
2:39
then
2:39
finally
2:40
landing
2:41
in
2:41
New
2:42
Jersey
2:43
around
2:44
the
2:44
age
2:44
of
2:44
three
2:45
and
2:45
a
2:45
half.
2:46
So
2:46
like
2:47
the,
2:47
the
2:48
nervous
2:48
system
2:49
was
2:50
totally
2:51
haywired
2:52
at
2:53
that
2:53
time,
2:53
you
2:54
know,
2:54
and
2:55
I
2:55
can
2:55
only
2:56
go
2:56
off
2:56
of
2:56
what
2:57
a
2:57
lot
2:57
of
2:57
people
2:58
tell
2:58
me
2:58
and
2:58
then,
2:58
you
2:59
know,
2:59
my
2:59
own
3:00
inner
3:00
reality.
3:02
But
3:03
nobody
3:03
could,
3:05
they,
3:06
they
3:06
couldn't
3:06
understand
3:07
my
3:07
speaking.
3:09
I
3:10
didn't
3:10
really
3:11
know
3:11
how
3:11
to
3:11
eat
3:12
correctly.
3:14
There
3:14
were
3:14
all
3:15
of
3:15
these
3:15
things
3:15
that
3:16
they
3:16
had
3:16
to
3:16
put
3:16
me
3:16
into
3:17
therapy
3:17
for
3:18
like
3:19
as
3:19
soon
3:19
as
3:19
they
3:19
got
3:20
me.
3:22
And
3:22
so
3:23
really
3:23
the,
3:24
the
3:24
work
3:25
that
3:26
I
3:26
have
3:29
created
3:30
and
3:30
manifested
3:32
and
3:32
brought
3:32
into
3:32
the
3:33
world
3:34
is
3:34
as
3:34
a
3:35
direct
3:35
result
3:36
of
3:37
all
3:37
of
3:37
this
3:38
work
3:39
that
3:39
my
3:39
body,
3:40
being
3:40
soul
3:41
mind
3:41
has
3:42
had
3:42
to
3:42
go
3:42
through
3:43
since
3:43
this
3:43
incantation
3:44
has
3:45
happened.
3:48
Because
3:48
then
3:48
once
3:49
those
3:49
people
3:49
got
3:50
me,
3:50
you
3:50
know,
3:50
the
3:50
trauma
3:51
didn't
3:51
end,
3:52
right?
3:52
And
3:53
more
3:53
trauma
3:54
ensued.
3:55
And
3:56
so
3:57
that
3:57
unfolded
3:58
itself
3:58
in
3:59
a
3:59
whole
3:59
different
4:00
kind
4:00
of
4:00
a
4:00
package
4:01
during
4:02
my
4:02
teens
4:03
and
4:04
my
4:04
20s.
4:05
And
4:05
so
4:06
I
4:07
would
4:07
say
4:09
probably
4:09
the
4:10
birth
4:10
of
4:10
my
4:11
first
4:11
child,
4:12
Kaya
4:14
is
4:14
what
4:14
propelled
4:15
me
4:17
because
4:17
I
4:17
just,
4:18
you
4:18
know,
4:19
your
4:19
mom,
4:19
you
4:20
look
4:20
back
4:20
at
4:20
those
4:20
little
4:21
blue
4:21
eyes
4:22
and
4:23
everything
4:24
changes.
4:26
So
4:26
that
4:27
sent
4:27
me
4:27
along
4:28
the
4:28
path
4:28
of
4:28
birth.
4:29
Work.
4:30
It
4:30
sent
4:30
me
4:31
along
4:31
the
4:31
path
4:32
of
4:32
my
4:32
own
4:33
inner
4:33
healing.
4:34
Because
4:34
you
4:35
can't
4:35
do
4:35
birth
4:35
work
4:36
without
4:37
having
4:37
a
4:38
very,
4:39
very
4:41
clear
4:42
mirror
4:42
in
4:42
front
4:43
of
4:43
your
4:43
face
4:43
to
4:44
all
4:44
of
4:44
your
4:44
own
4:45
woundings.
4:46
You
4:47
can't
4:47
show
4:47
up
4:48
in
4:48
service
4:50
without
4:53
having
4:54
to
4:54
look
4:54
at
4:54
those
4:55
patterns.
4:58
So
4:58
that's
4:59
all
5:00
developed
5:02
because
5:02
every
5:03
single
5:03
time
5:03
I
5:03
went
5:04
out
5:04
into
5:04
the
5:04
world
5:04
and
5:05
saw
5:05
anything,
5:06
it
5:06
was
5:06
to
5:07
heal
5:07
myself.
5:08
And
5:08
it
5:09
was,
5:09
how
5:09
can
5:10
I
5:10
understand
5:11
more?
5:11
How
5:12
can
5:12
I
5:12
understand
5:13
better?
5:14
And
5:14
then
5:15
how
5:15
can
5:15
I
5:16
repair?
5:17
And
5:18
what
5:18
are
5:18
the
5:18
different
5:18
ways
5:19
that
5:19
I
5:19
could
5:19
do
5:19
that
5:20
within
5:20
my
5:20
own
5:22
capabilities,
5:23
you
5:23
know,
5:23
not
5:24
looking
5:24
outside
5:24
of
5:25
myself.
5:27
So
5:27
now
5:27
I
5:27
have
5:28
this
5:28
beautiful
5:29
life,
5:30
and
5:30
I'm
5:31
almost
5:31
46,
5:33
which
5:33
is,
5:33
like,
5:34
right
5:34
over
5:34
that.
5:35
That,
5:36
like,
5:36
you
5:36
know,
5:37
that
5:37
damn
5:37
midlife
5:38
hump
5:40
everybody
5:40
talks
5:41
about.
5:41
And
5:41
it's
5:41
so
5:42
true.
5:42
It
5:42
is
5:43
so
5:43
transformational.
5:45
But
5:45
I'm
5:45
getting
5:45
to
5:46
enjoy
5:46
this
5:46
view
5:47
now,
5:48
you
5:48
know?
5:49
Perfect.
5:49
So
5:50
talk
5:50
about
5:50
the.
5:50
Some
5:51
of
5:51
the
5:51
things
5:51
that
5:51
you
5:51
did.
5:52
Like,
5:52
you
5:52
talk
5:52
about
5:53
finding
5:53
it
5:53
in
5:54
yourself.
5:54
And
5:54
I
5:54
always
5:54
tell
5:55
people
5:55
that
5:55
you
5:55
can't.
5:55
You
5:56
got
5:56
to
5:56
stop
5:56
looking
5:56
to
5:57
the
5:57
outside.
5:57
You
5:57
got
5:58
to
5:58
stop
5:58
looking
5:58
for
5:58
people,
5:59
other
5:59
people
5:59
to
5:59
make
5:59
you
6:00
happy,
6:00
other
6:00
things
6:00
to
6:00
make
6:01
you
6:01
happy.
6:01
And
6:01
you
6:01
have
6:02
to
6:02
find
6:02
that
6:02
true
6:03
happiness.
6:03
And
6:03
like
6:04
you
6:04
said,
6:04
soul
6:04
search
6:05
and
6:05
figure
6:06
it
6:06
out
6:06
yourself.
6:06
But
6:06
what
6:07
are
6:07
some
6:07
things
6:07
within
6:08
your
6:08
capabilities?
6:09
Did
6:09
you
6:09
do.
6:09
Did
6:10
you
6:10
do
6:10
yoga?
6:10
Did
6:11
you
6:11
journal?
6:11
Like,
6:11
what
6:11
are
6:12
some
6:12
things
6:12
that
6:12
helped
6:13
you
6:13
really
6:13
pull
6:13
some
6:14
of
6:14
this
6:14
stuff
6:14
out
6:15
and
6:15
heal
6:15
it?
6:16
I
6:16
knew
6:16
you
6:16
were
6:17
gonna
6:17
ask
6:17
that.
6:20
I
6:20
was
6:20
thinking
6:21
about
6:21
it
6:21
this
6:21
morning,
6:22
so
6:24
I
6:25
was
6:25
like,
6:25
you
6:25
know,
6:25
that
6:25
one's
6:26
gonna
6:26
come.
6:29
So
6:30
from
6:31
everything
6:33
to.
6:36
I
6:37
think
6:37
it
6:37
all
6:38
started
6:38
with
6:39
I
6:39
questioned
6:40
everyone
6:40
and
6:41
everything
6:41
around
6:41
me.
6:42
I
6:43
never
6:43
trusted
6:45
anyone.
6:45
The
6:46
only
6:46
person
6:46
that
6:46
I
6:47
really
6:47
had
6:47
to
6:48
trust
6:48
was
6:48
myself.
6:50
So
6:50
no
6:50
matter
6:51
what
6:51
came
6:51
at
6:51
me,
6:52
I
6:52
was
6:52
always
6:53
having
6:53
to
6:53
put
6:54
it
6:54
through
6:54
a
6:54
different
6:54
kind
6:54
of
6:55
internal
6:55
filter
6:57
because
6:57
I
6:57
didn't
6:58
have
6:58
a
6:58
mother
6:58
ring.
6:59
Like,
7:00
I.
7:00
I
7:00
didn't
7:01
have
7:01
that
7:01
kind
7:02
of
7:03
mother
7:03
ring
7:04
that
7:04
also
7:05
teaches
7:05
you
7:05
how
7:06
to
7:06
take
7:07
care
7:07
of
7:07
yourself.
7:07
Right?
7:08
Right.
7:09
So
7:09
it
7:10
began
7:10
with
7:10
the
7:11
questioning,
7:12
which
7:13
with
7:14
children,
7:14
always
7:15
starts
7:15
with
7:15
food
7:17
and
7:17
then
7:17
your
7:18
clothing
7:19
and
7:19
then
7:20
what
7:20
you're
7:20
like,
7:21
literally
7:21
what
7:21
you're
7:22
consuming.
7:22
Right?
7:23
Right.
7:24
So
7:24
right
7:24
from
7:24
the
7:24
beginning,
7:25
I
7:25
was
7:25
like,
7:25
why
7:25
are
7:26
we
7:26
eating
7:26
this?
7:27
I'm
7:28
gonna
7:28
look
7:28
into
7:28
this.
7:29
And
7:29
then
7:29
I'd
7:29
look
7:30
into
7:30
it
7:30
and
7:30
be
7:30
like,
7:31
so
7:31
do
7:31
you
7:32
know?
7:33
And.
7:34
And.
7:35
And
7:35
it
7:35
was
7:36
like,
7:36
I
7:36
kind
7:37
of
7:37
felt
7:38
for
7:39
a
7:39
long
7:39
time
7:39
that,
7:39
like,
7:40
I
7:40
had
7:40
to
7:40
save
7:41
everyone
7:42
because
7:42
I
7:42
was,
7:42
quote,
7:43
unquote
7:43
saved.
7:44
Right.
7:45
So
7:47
I
7:48
looked
7:48
around
7:48
me,
7:48
and
7:49
it
7:49
was
7:49
like,
7:49
what.
7:50
What
7:51
is
7:51
causing
7:51
so
7:52
Much
7:52
suffering
7:53
and
7:54
how
7:54
can
7:54
I
7:54
fix
7:55
it?
7:56
And
7:56
so,
7:57
like,
7:57
looking
7:57
at
7:58
myself
7:58
and
7:58
how
7:58
can
7:59
I
7:59
fix
7:59
it?
7:59
Okay.
7:59
And
8:00
then
8:00
that
8:00
always
8:00
starts
8:01
with
8:01
what
8:01
you're
8:01
put
8:02
of
8:03
you.
8:03
So
8:03
it
8:03
always
8:04
started
8:04
with
8:04
food,
8:07
and
8:07
then
8:08
it
8:08
was
8:08
like,
8:08
what
8:09
I
8:09
was
8:09
doing
8:09
with
8:09
my
8:10
body.
8:10
And
8:11
then
8:11
I
8:12
was
8:12
able
8:12
to
8:12
recognize
8:13
the
8:13
patterns
8:14
of
8:14
some
8:15
of
8:15
my
8:15
family
8:15
members
8:16
and
8:17
the
8:17
feast
8:17
or
8:17
famine
8:18
or
8:18
the
8:18
diets
8:19
and
8:20
how
8:20
I
8:20
didn't
8:20
want
8:21
to
8:21
live
8:21
that
8:21
way,
8:22
you
8:22
know?
8:23
And
8:24
when
8:24
I
8:25
went
8:25
to
8:25
college,
8:26
I
8:26
discovered
8:27
Rachel
8:27
Ray,
8:29
and
8:30
I
8:31
taught
8:31
myself
8:31
how
8:32
to
8:32
cook
8:32
because
8:33
my
8:34
father
8:34
was
8:34
the
8:34
cook,
8:35
and
8:36
he
8:36
was
8:36
amazing,
8:37
but
8:38
he
8:38
didn't
8:38
get
8:38
to
8:38
cook
8:39
a
8:39
lot,
8:39
you
8:39
know,
8:40
so
8:40
we
8:40
got
8:40
more
8:40
like
8:42
mashed
8:43
potatoes
8:43
from
8:43
a
8:43
box
8:44
and
8:44
like,
8:45
canned
8:45
things
8:46
and.
8:46
But
8:47
grateful
8:47
for
8:47
it.
8:48
But
8:48
I
8:48
didn't
8:49
know
8:49
fresh
8:49
food.
8:50
And
8:51
so
8:51
she
8:52
was
8:52
talking
8:53
about
8:53
fresh
8:53
herbs,
8:55
and
8:56
I
8:56
was
8:56
shocked.
8:57
I
8:57
was
8:57
like,
8:58
what
8:58
do
8:58
you
8:58
mean,
8:58
they
8:58
come
8:58
fresh?
9:01
What
9:01
is
9:01
this?
9:02
We
9:03
had
9:03
the
9:03
same
9:04
spices
9:05
in
9:05
our
9:05
kitchen
9:06
since
9:06
my
9:06
parents
9:07
have
9:07
gotten
9:07
married,
9:08
and
9:08
they
9:08
got
9:08
married
9:08
when
9:09
they
9:09
were
9:09
17
9:09
and
9:10
20
9:10
something.
9:11
So,
9:12
like,
9:13
really
9:13
old
9:13
spices,
9:14
you
9:14
know?
9:14
So
9:15
it
9:15
blew
9:15
my
9:15
mind
9:15
away.
9:16
And
9:16
then
9:16
I
9:16
just
9:16
started
9:17
to
9:17
cook
9:17
more,
9:17
and
9:17
then
9:17
I
9:18
started
9:18
to
9:18
feel
9:18
better,
9:18
and
9:19
then
9:19
I
9:19
started
9:19
to
9:19
move
9:20
more.
9:22
I
9:23
could
9:23
not
9:24
wait
9:24
until
9:25
I
9:25
could
9:26
remove
9:26
myself
9:27
from
9:27
where
9:28
I
9:29
was
9:29
planted.
9:30
And
9:30
the
9:31
moment
9:31
that
9:32
I
9:32
was
9:33
going
9:33
to
9:33
be
9:33
able
9:33
to
9:33
do
9:34
that
9:34
in
9:34
a
9:34
safe
9:35
capacity
9:35
with
9:36
the
9:36
people
9:36
who
9:37
were
9:37
my
9:37
guardians,
9:40
I.
9:40
I
9:41
took
9:41
the
9:41
reins
9:42
and
9:42
I
9:42
was
9:42
out
9:43
as
9:44
soon
9:44
as
9:44
I
9:44
could
9:44
be.
9:45
So.
9:45
How
9:45
old
9:45
were
9:46
you?
9:47
Eighteen.
9:47
Eighteen,
9:48
okay.
9:50
Yeah.
9:51
And.
9:51
And
9:52
then
9:52
from
9:52
that
9:52
moment
9:53
on,
9:53
it
9:53
was
9:53
like,
9:57
yeah,
9:58
yeah.
9:58
I.
9:58
I
9:59
never.
10:00
There
10:00
were.
10:01
There
10:01
may
10:01
have
10:01
been
10:02
moments
10:02
in
10:03
crisis
10:03
that
10:04
I
10:04
needed
10:04
to
10:05
come
10:05
home,
10:06
but
10:06
I
10:06
was
10:07
always
10:07
forging,
10:08
I
10:08
was
10:09
always
10:10
challenging.
10:11
I
10:11
was
10:12
never
10:13
accepting
10:14
of
10:14
complacency.
10:15
I.
10:18
Of
10:19
what
10:19
society's
10:20
roles
10:21
said.
10:22
And,
10:22
you
10:22
know,
10:22
I've
10:23
gone
10:23
through
10:23
so
10:23
many
10:23
different
10:24
realms
10:24
of
10:24
therapy,
10:25
and
10:25
right
10:25
now,
10:26
EMDR
10:27
is
10:27
like
10:27
my
10:28
godsend.
10:30
And
10:31
like,
10:31
my
10:31
therapist
10:31
says,
10:32
she's
10:32
like,
10:32
you
10:32
are
10:33
so
10:33
much
10:33
fun
10:33
to
10:33
work
10:34
with
10:34
because
10:34
you've
10:35
done
10:36
so
10:36
much
10:37
that
10:37
it's
10:38
clicking
10:39
so
10:39
fast,
10:39
you
10:40
know,
10:40
like,
10:40
sometimes
10:41
it's
10:42
like.
10:42
It's
10:43
like
10:43
rewiring
10:43
is
10:44
happening
10:44
before
10:44
I
10:44
even
10:45
get
10:45
there,
10:46
before
10:46
I
10:46
even
10:46
have
10:47
the
10:47
electrodes
10:48
in
10:48
my
10:48
hand.
10:50
And.
10:50
And
10:50
for
10:51
anybody
10:51
listening,
10:52
my
10:52
goodness,
10:52
if
10:53
you
10:53
are
10:53
stuck
10:54
in
10:54
a
10:54
pattern,
10:56
if
10:56
you
10:56
are
10:57
stuck
10:57
and
10:57
you
10:58
know,
10:58
you
10:59
know
10:59
better,
10:59
but
11:00
you
11:00
can't
11:00
pull
11:00
yourself
11:01
out
11:01
of
11:01
it.
11:01
Look
11:02
into
11:02
emdr,
11:03
specifically
11:04
with
11:04
the
11:04
electrodes.
11:05
I
11:06
tried
11:06
the,
11:06
you
11:07
know,
11:07
virtual.
11:07
The
11:08
eye
11:08
movement.
11:09
I'm
11:09
a
11:10
feeling
11:10
being
11:11
like,
11:11
I
11:12
have
11:12
to
11:12
do
11:13
Everything
11:13
somatically.
11:14
So
11:14
I
11:14
need
11:15
those
11:15
buzzers
11:15
of
11:16
in
11:16
my
11:17
hands.
11:18
So
11:19
anyway,
11:20
then
11:21
that
11:21
led
11:22
to
11:24
me
11:24
going
11:25
to
11:25
college
11:25
and
11:26
then
11:26
sewing
11:26
my
11:27
wild
11:27
oats
11:28
back
11:28
where
11:29
I
11:29
was
11:30
abandoned
11:31
and
11:34
repeating
11:35
the
11:35
patterns.
11:35
Oh,
11:36
that
11:36
was
11:36
a
11:36
fun
11:37
little,
11:37
like,
11:37
full
11:38
cycle
11:38
there.
11:39
Repeating
11:40
the
11:41
patterns
11:41
of
11:42
the
11:42
people
11:43
that
11:43
my
11:44
DNA
11:44
was
11:44
comfortable,
11:46
you
11:46
know,
11:46
composed
11:47
of.
11:47
Right.
11:48
I
11:48
became
11:49
an
11:49
addict.
11:50
I
11:50
fell
11:50
into
11:51
a
11:51
very
11:52
scary,
11:53
scary
11:53
world
11:55
because
11:56
there
11:56
were
11:56
always
11:57
whispers
11:58
that
11:58
I
11:58
was
11:58
going
11:58
to
11:59
wind
11:59
up
11:59
just
11:59
like
11:59
them.
12:00
So
12:00
to
12:00
me,
12:01
I
12:01
figured,
12:01
well,
12:02
why
12:02
don't.
12:02
Why
12:03
don't
12:03
we
12:03
go
12:03
chat
12:03
out?
12:04
Let's
12:04
see
12:04
if
12:04
it's
12:05
that
12:05
bad.
12:06
I
12:06
mean.
12:06
Yeah,
12:06
if
12:07
everybody
12:07
says
12:07
you're
12:07
gonna
12:07
do
12:08
it
12:08
anyway,
12:08
you
12:08
might
12:08
as
12:08
well
12:08
give
12:09
it
12:09
a
12:09
shot.
12:09
Right?
12:10
Exactly.
12:11
Yeah.
12:11
Yeah.
12:13
So.
12:14
So
12:14
I
12:14
did,
12:15
and
12:15
it
12:15
was
12:15
awful.
12:17
And
12:17
I
12:18
basically
12:18
ended
12:19
up
12:19
finding,
12:21
like,
12:21
my
12:22
almost
12:24
version
12:24
of
12:24
my
12:24
biological
12:25
father
12:26
out
12:27
there,
12:30
and
12:30
I
12:30
married
12:31
him,
12:32
and
12:33
then
12:33
I
12:33
brought
12:33
him
12:33
back
12:34
here.
12:35
You
12:35
were
12:35
at
12:35
the
12:36
wedding.
12:37
I
12:37
was
12:37
just
12:37
gonna
12:38
say,
12:38
I
12:38
remember
12:38
that
12:38
wedding.
12:39
And
12:39
I
12:39
always
12:39
said,
12:39
this
12:40
is
12:40
how
12:40
I
12:40
want
12:40
my
12:40
daughter
12:41
to
12:41
get
12:41
married.
12:41
I
12:41
don't
12:41
think
12:42
you
12:42
were
12:42
even
12:42
wearing
12:42
shoes,
12:43
and
12:43
you
12:43
had
12:43
this
12:43
flowy
12:44
white
12:44
dress,
12:45
and
12:45
it
12:45
was
12:45
like.
12:46
It
12:46
was
12:46
the
12:46
most
12:47
beautiful
12:47
thing.
12:47
And
12:47
I
12:48
remember
12:48
I
12:48
didn't
12:48
really
12:49
talk
12:49
about
12:49
it
12:49
at
12:49
that
12:50
time
12:50
because
12:50
everybody,
12:51
you
12:51
know,
12:51
it
12:51
was
12:51
just
12:51
something
12:52
different.
12:52
But
12:52
I
12:52
would
12:53
tell
12:53
my
12:53
friends,
12:53
like,
12:54
my
12:54
really
12:54
true
12:54
closest
12:55
friends,
12:55
I
12:55
would
12:55
be
12:56
like,
12:56
you
12:56
guys
12:56
don't
12:56
get
12:57
it.
12:57
Like,
12:57
this
12:57
is
12:57
how
12:57
I
12:58
want
12:58
my
12:58
daughters
12:59
to
12:59
be.
12:59
This
12:59
is
13:00
what
13:00
I
13:00
want
13:00
it
13:00
to
13:00
be.
13:01
I
13:01
want
13:01
it
13:01
to
13:01
just
13:02
be
13:02
wildflowers.
13:03
And
13:03
if
13:03
you
13:03
met
13:03
my
13:03
daughter,
13:04
Jesse,
13:05
you
13:05
met
13:05
her
13:05
when
13:05
she
13:06
was
13:06
itty
13:06
bitty.
13:07
Yeah.
13:08
You
13:08
know,
13:08
but
13:09
she's
13:09
living
13:10
in
13:10
Colorado
13:11
right
13:11
now
13:11
on
13:11
six
13:12
and
13:12
a
13:12
half
13:12
acres
13:12
of
13:13
land,
13:13
off
13:13
the
13:13
grid,
13:13
with
13:14
solar
13:14
panels
13:14
and
13:15
a
13:15
camper.
13:16
And
13:17
this
13:17
is
13:17
gonna
13:18
visit.
13:18
Oh,
13:19
my
13:19
God.
13:19
Yes.
13:19
It,
13:20
like,
13:20
you
13:20
were,
13:21
like,
13:21
the
13:21
epitome
13:21
of
13:22
her
13:22
and.
13:23
Or
13:23
she
13:23
of
13:23
you
13:24
or
13:24
whatever.
13:24
And
13:24
I
13:25
kind
13:25
of
13:25
joke
13:25
all
13:25
the
13:25
time,
13:26
but
13:26
I
13:26
remember
13:26
that
13:26
wedding.
13:27
And
13:27
I
13:27
was
13:27
like,
13:27
this
13:28
is
13:28
so.
13:28
Like,
13:29
it
13:29
was
13:29
the
13:29
most
13:29
earthy
13:30
thing
13:30
I
13:30
had
13:31
ever
13:31
done.
13:31
And
13:31
I
13:32
was
13:32
like,
13:32
this
13:32
is
13:33
amazing.
13:33
And
13:33
I
13:33
couldn't
13:34
even.
13:34
Like,
13:34
it
13:34
was
13:34
you.
13:35
Well,
13:35
you
13:35
know,
13:35
your
13:36
family,
13:36
you
13:36
could.
13:36
I
13:36
couldn't
13:37
even
13:37
say
13:37
anything
13:37
because
13:37
I'm
13:38
like,
13:38
okay,
13:38
this
13:38
is
13:39
really
13:40
cool.
13:40
But
13:41
everybody
13:42
was
13:42
like,
13:42
what?
13:43
In
13:43
the
13:44
actual.
13:44
You
13:44
know
13:44
what?
13:45
We
13:45
are
13:46
standing
13:46
out
13:46
here
13:46
in
13:46
the
13:47
rain.
13:47
You
13:47
are
13:48
barefoot.
13:48
Like,
13:49
everybody
13:49
was
13:50
like,
13:50
put
13:50
shoes
13:51
on.
13:51
And
13:51
I'm
13:52
like,
13:52
I
13:52
have
13:53
to
13:53
be
13:53
connected
13:54
to
13:54
the
13:54
earth.
13:55
You
13:55
don't
13:55
understand.
13:58
Oh,
13:59
that
13:59
was.
13:59
I
14:00
fought
14:00
for
14:00
so
14:01
much
14:01
for
14:01
that.
14:02
It
14:02
was
14:03
great.
14:03
It
14:03
was
14:03
great.
14:04
So,
14:04
yes,
14:05
I
14:05
was
14:05
at
14:05
your
14:05
wedding
14:05
with.
14:06
And.
14:06
And,
14:07
yeah,
14:07
and
14:07
I
14:07
met,
14:07
you
14:08
know,
14:08
I
14:08
met
14:08
your
14:08
husband
14:09
at
14:09
the
14:09
time
14:09
and
14:09
everything.
14:10
And
14:10
it's
14:10
just.
14:10
I
14:10
mean,
14:11
that
14:11
is
14:11
one
14:11
of
14:11
the
14:11
cycles
14:12
of
14:12
life,
14:12
you
14:13
know,
14:13
it's
14:13
like
14:13
you
14:13
got
14:14
there
14:14
and.
14:14
And
14:15
based
14:15
on
14:16
what
14:16
you
14:16
were
14:16
doing,
14:17
it
14:17
made
14:17
absolutely
14:18
100
14:18
perfect
14:19
sense.
14:19
Now,
14:19
knowing
14:20
what
14:20
I
14:20
do
14:20
and
14:20
knowing
14:21
all
14:21
this
14:21
stuff
14:21
as
14:22
to
14:22
why
14:22
you
14:22
were
14:22
attracted
14:23
to
14:23
him.
14:24
Right.
14:24
Flat
14:25
out,
14:25
yep.
14:26
And
14:26
then
14:26
I
14:27
was
14:27
like,
14:27
oh,
14:28
I
14:28
might.
14:28
I
14:29
could
14:29
save
14:29
him.
14:32
I
14:32
can
14:32
save
14:32
him.
14:33
And
14:34
he
14:34
was.
14:34
And
14:34
he
14:34
is
14:35
such
14:35
a
14:35
beautiful
14:36
man.
14:36
It's
14:36
just.
14:37
There's
14:37
too
14:38
much
14:38
there,
14:39
you
14:39
know,
14:39
that
14:40
I
14:40
can
14:40
no
14:40
longer
14:41
take
14:41
on
14:42
the
14:42
weight
14:43
of,
14:43
and
14:44
I
14:44
did
14:44
for
14:44
so
14:45
long.
14:47
And
14:47
it
14:47
was
14:48
one
14:48
of
14:48
my
14:48
biggest.
14:49
Still
14:50
is
14:50
one
14:50
of
14:50
my
14:51
biggest
14:51
lessons.
14:51
My
14:52
God,
14:52
the
14:52
guilt
14:52
of
14:53
divorce
14:53
is
14:55
foreign.
14:56
It's
14:57
no
14:57
fun.
14:58
It's
14:58
no
14:58
fun.
14:59
But,
15:00
you
15:00
know,
15:00
that
15:01
just
15:01
leads
15:01
to
15:01
deeper
15:02
layers
15:02
of
15:02
healing
15:03
and
15:03
deeper
15:04
relation,
15:06
ship
15:07
mirroring
15:08
and
15:08
all
15:09
of
15:09
it.
15:10
So
15:10
I'm
15:11
grateful.
15:11
And
15:12
I
15:12
have
15:12
two
15:12
of
15:13
the
15:13
most
15:13
beautiful
15:14
children
15:16
and
15:16
they're
15:17
my
15:17
portal
15:18
babies.
15:19
Kaia
15:19
was
15:20
born
15:20
on
15:20
111104
15:22
and
15:22
Cora
15:23
with
15:23
a
15:23
K
15:24
is
15:24
111
15:25
12.
15:26
So
15:26
that's
15:26
why
15:26
I
15:26
call
15:27
them
15:27
my
15:27
port
15:27
babies,
15:28
the
15:28
Elevens.
15:29
Right.
15:30
Oh,
15:31
my
15:31
goodness.
15:32
And,
15:33
you
15:33
know,
15:33
just
15:35
being
15:37
so
15:37
attracted
15:38
to
15:38
all
15:38
of
15:38
the
15:39
things
15:39
that
15:39
I
15:40
didn't
15:40
have
15:40
answers
15:41
for,
15:41
I
15:41
didn't
15:41
have
15:41
a
15:41
birth
15:42
story.
15:43
I
15:43
was
15:44
obsessed
15:45
with,
15:46
with
15:46
birth.
15:47
After
15:47
giving
15:48
birth
15:48
to
15:49
my
15:49
first
15:50
child,
15:51
knowing
15:51
it
15:51
could
15:52
be
15:52
better
15:53
because
15:53
I
15:53
was
15:53
in
15:54
the
15:54
hospital
15:55
and,
15:55
like,
15:57
totally
15:57
aware
15:59
that
15:59
I
15:59
wasn't
16:00
being
16:00
cared
16:01
for
16:01
the
16:02
way
16:02
that
16:02
I
16:02
needed
16:03
to
16:03
be
16:03
cared
16:03
for,
16:04
but
16:04
I
16:04
couldn't
16:04
articulate
16:05
that.
16:06
And
16:06
then
16:06
when
16:07
I
16:07
was
16:07
done
16:08
with
16:08
it,
16:09
I
16:09
went
16:10
head
16:10
in
16:11
and,
16:12
you
16:12
know,
16:13
as
16:13
deep
16:13
as
16:13
I
16:13
could
16:14
possibly
16:14
go
16:16
and
16:16
served
16:17
in
16:17
that
16:17
realm
16:17
for
16:18
a
16:18
really
16:18
long
16:18
time.
16:19
And
16:19
it
16:19
was.
16:23
I
16:23
don't
16:23
even
16:23
have
16:23
words
16:24
for
16:24
it.
16:24
It
16:25
was.
16:25
It
16:25
was
16:25
transformational,
16:27
transmutational,
16:29
all
16:29
of
16:30
the
16:30
things.
16:31
Right?
16:32
Yeah.
16:33
I
16:33
can
16:33
only
16:33
imagine.
16:35
Yeah.
16:36
Especially
16:36
when
16:36
you
16:36
don't
16:37
have
16:37
that
16:37
birth
16:37
story,
16:37
like
16:38
you
16:38
said,
16:38
and
16:38
you.
16:39
You
16:39
don't
16:39
understand
16:39
it.
16:40
You've
16:40
never
16:40
seen
16:40
it.
16:40
So
16:40
how
16:41
many.
16:41
How
16:41
many
16:41
times
16:42
did
16:42
you
16:42
get
16:42
to
16:43
watch?
16:44
I
16:44
mean,
16:44
the
16:44
other
16:45
people
16:45
go
16:45
through
16:46
that
16:46
and
16:46
just
16:46
how.
16:47
How
16:47
cool,
16:48
actually.
16:48
Yeah.
16:49
And
16:50
people
16:50
used
16:50
to
16:51
always
16:51
say
16:51
to
16:52
me,
16:53
you
16:53
know,
16:54
like,
16:54
oh,
16:54
my
16:54
gosh,
16:54
it
16:54
must
16:55
be
16:55
so
16:55
amazing
16:55
to
16:56
see
16:56
a
16:56
baby
16:56
be
16:56
born
16:57
in
16:57
the
16:57
world
16:57
over
16:58
and
16:58
over
16:58
and
16:58
over
16:58
again.
17:01
And
17:01
I
17:01
would
17:01
say,
17:02
well,
17:02
yeah,
17:03
you
17:03
know,
17:03
that's.
17:04
That's
17:04
a
17:04
thought.
17:06
But
17:07
I
17:08
was
17:08
never
17:08
watching.
17:10
Like,
17:11
yeah,
17:11
I'd
17:11
glance
17:12
and
17:12
I'd
17:12
see
17:13
when
17:13
we
17:13
would
17:13
have
17:14
crowning,
17:15
but
17:16
what
17:16
I
17:17
was
17:17
doing
17:17
was
17:18
focused
17:18
on
17:18
the
17:18
mother.
17:19
I
17:19
was
17:20
always
17:20
eyes
17:20
to
17:21
the
17:21
mother.
17:22
And
17:23
in
17:23
a
17:24
birth
17:24
room,
17:25
when
17:25
the
17:25
baby's
17:26
head
17:26
first
17:27
pops
17:27
out,
17:28
it's
17:28
like
17:28
everything's
17:29
on
17:30
that
17:30
baby.
17:30
So
17:31
much
17:31
is
17:31
on
17:31
that
17:31
baby.
17:34
Sometimes
17:35
people
17:35
forget
17:36
that
17:36
there's
17:36
a
17:37
vessel
17:37
delivering
17:38
the
17:38
baby,
17:39
you
17:40
know,
17:41
and
17:42
so
17:43
when
17:44
the
17:44
baby
17:45
was
17:45
born,
17:48
so,
17:48
like,
17:49
the
17:49
entire
17:49
room
17:49
goes
17:51
to
17:51
that
17:52
baby.
17:53
But
17:53
I
17:53
would
17:53
be
17:53
locked
17:54
in
17:54
with
17:54
the
17:54
mother
17:55
because
17:55
there's
17:56
this.
17:57
You.
17:58
It's
17:59
almost
17:59
like
17:59
a
18:00
light.
18:00
And
18:00
it
18:01
would
18:01
go
18:01
like.
18:03
And
18:04
you
18:04
would
18:04
see
18:04
this
18:04
almost
18:05
like.
18:06
Like
18:06
a
18:06
light
18:08
nearly
18:08
burst
18:08
behind
18:09
our
18:09
eyes.
18:10
And
18:10
the
18:10
only
18:11
thing
18:11
that
18:11
I
18:11
could
18:12
describe
18:13
that
18:13
is.
18:13
Is
18:13
the
18:14
birth
18:14
of
18:14
the
18:14
mother.
18:15
And
18:15
it
18:15
didn't.
18:16
It
18:16
didn't
18:16
matter
18:16
if
18:17
it
18:17
was
18:17
that
18:17
mom's
18:18
first,
18:19
second,
18:19
third,
18:19
fifth,
18:20
eighth,
18:20
whatever
18:21
it
18:21
was,
18:21
it
18:22
happened
18:22
every
18:23
single
18:23
time.
18:25
That's
18:26
so
18:26
cool.
18:26
And
18:26
I've
18:27
never,
18:27
ever
18:27
heard
18:27
that.
18:28
So
18:28
that
18:28
is
18:28
super
18:28
cool.
18:29
Yeah.
18:30
And
18:30
it's.
18:31
And
18:31
that
18:31
alone
18:32
is,
18:33
I
18:33
think,
18:34
how,
18:34
or
18:34
I
18:35
know,
18:35
how
18:35
I
18:36
was
18:36
able
18:36
to
18:36
start
18:37
healing
18:37
that
18:38
mother
18:38
wound,
18:39
just
18:40
repairing
18:42
it
18:42
from
18:42
the
18:43
core
18:44
as
18:44
deep
18:44
as
18:44
I
18:45
could
18:45
go.
18:46
And
18:46
so
18:46
I
18:46
would
18:47
always
18:47
bring
18:47
it
18:47
back
18:47
to
18:48
the
18:48
earth
18:48
as
18:48
well,
18:49
you
18:49
know?
18:49
Right,
18:49
right.
18:50
And
18:50
just
18:50
think
18:51
about
18:51
that
18:51
moment
18:52
when
18:52
that
18:52
baby
18:52
is
18:53
taken
18:53
out
18:54
of
18:54
that
18:54
mother.
18:54
I
18:54
mean,
18:55
literally,
18:55
you're,
18:55
like,
18:56
separating
18:56
that
18:56
DNA.
18:57
I
18:57
mean,
18:57
that's.
18:58
I
18:58
mean,
18:59
energetically.
18:59
That's
19:00
crazy
19:01
anyway,
19:01
to
19:01
think
19:01
about,
19:02
so
19:02
I
19:02
can
19:03
only
19:03
imagine
19:03
what's
19:04
going
19:04
on.
19:04
And
19:04
you're
19:05
right.
19:05
Nobody
19:05
does
19:05
focus
19:06
on
19:06
the
19:06
mom,
19:07
you
19:07
know,
19:07
it's
19:07
like,
19:09
baby,
19:09
baby,
19:09
baby.
19:12
I
19:12
never
19:12
really
19:13
thought
19:13
about
19:13
that
19:14
side
19:14
of
19:14
it.
19:14
And
19:14
that's.
19:15
That
19:15
is
19:16
beautiful,
19:16
actually.
19:17
That's
19:17
pretty
19:17
cool.
19:18
Thanks.
19:19
Yeah,
19:19
I
19:19
didn't.
19:20
I
19:20
didn't
19:20
make
19:21
it
19:21
up.
19:21
It's.
19:21
It's.
19:22
It's
19:22
a
19:22
thing.
19:23
Yeah.
19:24
I'll.
19:24
I'll
19:25
never
19:25
forget
19:26
how.
19:27
Because
19:27
I
19:27
could
19:27
talk
19:27
about
19:27
birth
19:28
forever.
19:29
It
19:29
was
19:30
2020,
19:31
and
19:31
I
19:31
was
19:31
at
19:31
an
19:32
ashram
19:32
in
19:32
New
19:33
York
19:33
in
19:33
upstate
19:34
New
19:34
York,
19:35
and
19:36
it
19:36
was
19:36
New
19:36
Year's
19:36
Eve,
19:37
so
19:37
it
19:38
was
19:38
before
19:38
the
19:38
world
19:38
stopped.
19:39
Right.
19:40
And
19:41
I
19:41
thought
19:41
I
19:41
was
19:41
gonna
19:42
lose
19:43
my
19:44
mind
19:44
because
19:45
it
19:45
was
19:45
like
19:46
my
19:46
third
19:49
or
19:49
it
19:49
was
19:49
my
19:49
second
19:50
holiday
19:51
season
19:51
as
19:52
a
19:52
fairy
19:52
doing
19:52
fairy
19:53
work,
19:53
which
19:53
I'll
19:54
eventually
19:54
get
19:55
to.
19:57
And
19:58
I
19:58
didn't
19:58
stop
19:58
working
19:59
for
20:00
ever.
20:01
I
20:01
didn't
20:01
have
20:01
a.
20:01
Days
20:02
off,
20:02
nothing.
20:02
And
20:03
it
20:03
was
20:03
just
20:03
go,
20:04
go,
20:04
go.
20:05
And
20:05
I
20:06
knew
20:06
if
20:06
I
20:07
didn't
20:08
retreat
20:08
somewhere
20:09
that.
20:10
That
20:12
I
20:13
didn't
20:13
know.
20:13
I
20:14
just.
20:14
I
20:14
wasn't
20:15
taking
20:15
care
20:15
of
20:15
myself,
20:16
right?
20:16
So
20:17
I
20:17
arranged
20:18
to
20:18
go
20:18
to
20:18
this
20:19
ashram
20:19
in
20:20
upstate
20:20
New
20:20
York,
20:21
literally
20:22
leaving
20:22
an
20:23
event
20:25
the
20:25
day
20:25
before
20:25
New
20:26
Year's
20:26
Eve,
20:26
the
20:27
30th,
20:27
and
20:27
it
20:27
was
20:28
snowing,
20:28
and
20:28
I
20:29
had
20:29
a
20:29
Prius,
20:30
and
20:30
I
20:30
was
20:30
in
20:30
Allentown
20:31
doing
20:31
fairy
20:32
hair
20:32
until
20:32
10
20:32
o'
20:33
clock
20:33
at
20:33
night.
20:34
And
20:34
I
20:35
somehow
20:36
got
20:36
there.
20:36
When
20:36
I
20:36
got
20:37
there,
20:37
the
20:37
monks
20:37
were
20:37
like,
20:38
how
20:38
did
20:38
you
20:39
get
20:39
here?
20:39
And
20:39
I'm
20:40
like,
20:40
angels,
20:41
act
20:41
out
20:41
angels,
20:42
you
20:42
know?
20:43
And
20:43
a
20:44
woman
20:44
who
20:44
was
20:44
there,
20:44
who
20:45
actually
20:45
ended
20:45
up
20:46
inviting
20:46
me
20:47
was
20:47
a
20:48
woman
20:48
that
20:48
I
20:49
was
20:49
a
20:49
doula
20:50
for.
20:51
And
20:51
she
20:52
had
20:52
this
20:52
victorious
20:53
V
20:53
back.
20:54
It
20:54
was
20:55
just
20:55
epic,
20:56
just
20:56
epic.
20:57
And
20:57
we
20:57
became
20:58
really
20:58
good
20:58
friends
21:00
and
21:01
we.
21:02
She
21:02
invites
21:03
me
21:03
to
21:03
this
21:03
ashram
21:04
because
21:04
I
21:04
had
21:04
shared
21:05
with
21:05
her
21:05
the
21:06
state
21:06
in
21:06
which
21:07
my
21:07
spirit
21:07
was
21:07
in
21:08
my
21:08
body
21:09
and
21:10
so
21:11
curious
21:12
about
21:12
Ayurveda.
21:13
And
21:13
I
21:13
had
21:13
only
21:14
dabbled
21:14
in
21:14
it
21:15
in
21:15
myself,
21:15
never
21:16
professionally.
21:17
I
21:17
said
21:18
yes.
21:18
And
21:19
so
21:19
I
21:19
was
21:19
already
21:19
arriving
21:20
late
21:21
by
21:21
like
21:21
a
21:22
day
21:22
or
21:22
two.
21:23
And
21:24
we
21:24
get
21:24
there
21:26
and
21:26
it
21:26
was
21:26
the
21:26
most
21:26
beautiful
21:27
experience
21:28
I
21:28
had
21:29
ever
21:29
had.
21:30
And
21:31
it
21:31
was
21:32
moments
21:33
before
21:33
the
21:34
2020
21:36
bell
21:37
struck.
21:38
And
21:38
we
21:39
were
21:39
in
21:39
our
21:39
little
21:39
room
21:41
and
21:41
we
21:41
had
21:41
just
21:42
left.
21:43
There
21:43
were
21:43
like
21:44
major
21:45
beautiful
21:46
spiritual
21:46
leaders
21:47
from
21:47
all
21:47
over
21:48
the
21:48
world
21:50
just
21:50
jamming
21:51
whatever
21:51
instrument
21:52
that
21:52
they
21:52
actually,
21:53
like,
21:53
play.
21:54
And
21:54
it
21:54
was
21:54
like
21:55
transcendent.
21:56
That's
21:56
the
21:56
only
21:57
word
21:57
for
21:57
it.
21:57
And
21:58
we
21:58
had
21:58
to
21:58
go
21:58
back
21:58
to
21:59
our
21:59
room
21:59
for
21:59
something.
22:01
And
22:02
it
22:02
was
22:03
as
22:03
if
22:03
we
22:03
went
22:03
into
22:04
a
22:04
channeled
22:05
place
22:05
and
22:06
she
22:06
was
22:07
having
22:08
an
22:08
experience
22:09
that
22:09
I
22:09
had
22:09
to
22:10
hold
22:10
her
22:10
through
22:10
and
22:10
almost
22:11
doula
22:11
her
22:12
through.
22:13
And
22:13
I
22:13
heard
22:14
a
22:14
whisper
22:15
in
22:15
my
22:15
ear,
22:17
and
22:17
it
22:17
was
22:17
source.
22:18
And
22:19
it
22:19
said,
22:20
you
22:20
are
22:21
no
22:21
longer
22:21
meant
22:22
to.
22:22
To
22:23
help
22:23
birth
22:23
the
22:23
babies,
22:25
you
22:26
must
22:26
help
22:26
birth
22:27
the
22:27
women
22:28
to
22:28
themselves.
22:31
And
22:32
in
22:32
the
22:32
moment
22:33
that
22:33
was
22:33
happening
22:34
with
22:34
that
22:34
woman,
22:35
it
22:35
was
22:36
similar.
22:37
That's
22:37
what
22:38
she
22:38
was
22:38
having
22:38
a
22:39
moment
22:39
of,
22:40
right?
22:41
And
22:42
so
22:42
I
22:42
understood
22:43
that
22:43
the
22:43
shift
22:44
was
22:44
occurring,
22:46
and
22:46
it
22:46
was
22:47
hard
22:47
to
22:47
put
22:47
down
22:49
the
22:49
dueling,
22:50
but
22:50
I
22:50
understood
22:51
that
22:51
I
22:51
was
22:51
being
22:52
called
22:52
to
22:52
something
22:53
a
22:53
little
22:53
bit
22:55
bigger.
22:56
Right.
22:57
So
22:57
talk
22:57
about.
22:58
Yeah,
22:59
something
22:59
different.
22:59
I
23:00
mean,
23:00
and
23:01
when
23:01
you're
23:01
called,
23:01
you're
23:02
called.
23:02
You
23:02
don't.
23:02
You
23:03
don't
23:03
deny
23:03
that.
23:03
You
23:04
don't
23:04
ignore
23:04
that.
23:04
I
23:05
mean,
23:05
it
23:05
is
23:05
what
23:05
it
23:05
is.
23:06
You
23:06
know
23:06
what
23:06
I
23:07
mean?
23:07
So
23:07
talk
23:07
about
23:08
what
23:08
you
23:08
do
23:08
now.
23:08
What
23:09
does
23:09
that
23:09
look
23:09
like?
23:10
Yeah.
23:11
So
23:13
another
23:14
thing
23:14
that
23:14
changed
23:15
for
23:15
me
23:15
very
23:15
big
23:16
and
23:16
deeply
23:16
in
23:17
2020,
23:20
because
23:20
we
23:20
all
23:20
have
23:20
that
23:21
chapter.
23:21
We
23:22
all
23:22
have
23:22
that
23:22
incineration,
23:23
right?
23:24
That
23:24
big
23:24
shift,
23:25
whether
23:25
it
23:25
came
23:25
before
23:25
or
23:26
after,
23:26
during.
23:30
So
23:30
I
23:31
speak
23:31
about
23:31
it
23:31
in
23:32
Believe
23:32
beyond,
23:34
and
23:35
I
23:35
Could
23:36
no
23:36
longer
23:38
operate
23:38
through
23:39
serving.
23:40
Right.
23:41
So
23:41
my
23:41
MO
23:42
had
23:43
turned
23:43
into
23:45
my
23:45
worthiness
23:48
is
23:48
a
23:48
contract,
23:49
is
23:50
contractual
23:52
as
23:52
long
23:52
as
23:52
I
23:53
am
23:53
showing
23:53
up
23:54
to
23:54
serve
23:56
whoever
23:57
is
23:57
in
23:57
front
23:58
of
23:58
me,
23:59
Right.
23:59
Whatever
24:00
I
24:00
am
24:00
in
24:00
relationship
24:01
with.
24:02
And
24:02
I
24:02
couldn't
24:03
do
24:03
that
24:03
anymore.
24:04
I
24:04
literally
24:04
couldn't
24:05
go
24:05
to
24:05
birth.
24:05
I
24:05
couldn't
24:06
touch
24:06
people.
24:06
I
24:06
was
24:07
doing
24:07
massage
24:07
therapy
24:08
for
24:08
over
24:08
20
24:08
years,
24:09
energy
24:09
therapy,
24:11
fairy
24:12
hair.
24:12
Like,
24:13
I
24:13
wasn't
24:14
allowed
24:14
to
24:14
do
24:15
anything
24:15
outside
24:17
of.
24:17
Take
24:17
care
24:18
of
24:18
me
24:18
and
24:18
my
24:18
kids,
24:19
you
24:19
know.
24:20
And
24:20
so
24:22
that
24:22
is
24:23
when
24:23
I
24:23
found
24:23
fire,
24:25
and
24:25
that
24:25
is
24:26
when
24:26
I
24:26
found
24:27
silk.
24:28
And
24:29
so
24:32
someday
24:32
I'll
24:32
be
24:32
able
24:33
to
24:33
tell
24:33
all
24:33
the
24:34
nuances
24:35
of
24:35
the
24:35
story
24:36
because
24:36
it's
24:36
so
24:36
beautiful
24:37
and
24:37
serendipitous.
24:38
But
24:40
one
24:40
day
24:40
I.
24:40
I
24:40
will.
24:43
And
24:43
basically
24:45
found
24:45
this
24:46
wild
24:46
troop
24:47
of
24:47
women,
24:49
and
24:49
I
24:51
followed
24:51
them
24:52
and
24:53
became
24:54
initiated
24:55
into
24:55
being
24:55
a
24:56
flame
24:56
keeper,
24:56
which
24:57
is
24:57
basically
25:00
bringing
25:01
you
25:01
into
25:02
the
25:02
lost
25:03
element
25:05
of
25:05
fire
25:06
and
25:06
holding
25:07
it
25:07
and
25:09
understanding
25:10
what
25:10
it
25:10
is.
25:10
Because
25:11
we're
25:11
elemental
25:12
beings.
25:12
You
25:13
know,
25:14
meditation
25:14
is
25:15
the
25:15
mind,
25:16
yoga
25:16
is
25:16
the
25:17
body
25:17
and
25:17
the
25:17
mind.
25:18
They
25:18
say,
25:21
you
25:21
know,
25:22
then
25:22
there's
25:22
this
25:22
spirit
25:23
and
25:24
then
25:24
there's
25:24
all
25:24
of
25:24
these
25:25
things.
25:25
But
25:25
we
25:25
very
25:26
rarely
25:27
work
25:27
with
25:27
fire.
25:28
We're
25:28
taught
25:28
to
25:29
fear
25:29
it
25:31
from
25:31
the
25:31
very
25:31
beginning.
25:35
And
25:36
I
25:36
also
25:37
had
25:37
suffered
25:38
a.
25:39
Almost
25:40
fourth
25:40
degree.
25:41
It
25:41
was
25:41
like
25:41
deeper
25:42
than
25:42
third
25:42
degree
25:44
burn
25:45
by
25:45
falling
25:45
into
25:46
a
25:46
fire
25:47
pit.
25:47
I
25:48
was
25:48
just
25:48
gonna
25:48
say
25:49
you've
25:49
got
25:49
a
25:49
pretty
25:49
tight
25:50
connection
25:50
with
25:50
fire,
25:51
because
25:51
I
25:51
remember
25:52
when
25:52
you
25:52
were
25:52
in
25:52
the
25:52
hospital
25:53
from
25:53
that.
25:53
Yeah.
25:54
I
25:54
remember
25:55
them
25:55
talking
25:55
about
25:56
your
25:57
bandage
25:58
changing.
25:58
And
25:58
I
25:59
was
25:59
like,
25:59
oh,
25:59
bless
25:59
her
26:00
heart.
26:00
Bless
26:00
her
26:00
heart.
26:05
I
26:05
can
26:05
imagine.
26:06
Yes.
26:06
Oh,
26:07
my
26:07
God,
26:07
I
26:07
remember
26:08
that.
26:08
Yeah.
26:09
I
26:09
said
26:09
that
26:09
to
26:10
someone
26:10
the
26:10
other
26:10
day.
26:10
Like,
26:11
I
26:11
was
26:11
talking
26:11
to
26:11
whether
26:11
it
26:11
was
26:12
Greg
26:12
or
26:12
whether
26:12
it
26:12
was
26:13
somebody.
26:13
And
26:13
I
26:13
was
26:13
like,
26:13
you
26:13
don't
26:13
remember
26:14
that
26:14
story?
26:14
And
26:14
they're
26:15
like,
26:15
no.
26:15
I'm
26:15
like,
26:15
how
26:15
could
26:16
you
26:16
forget
26:16
that?
26:16
Like,
26:17
that
26:17
was
26:18
horrible.
26:20
Oh,
26:20
thanks,
26:21
Tammy.
26:22
I
26:22
remember
26:22
it.
26:24
I
26:24
was
26:24
like,
26:24
I
26:25
think
26:25
about
26:25
it
26:25
all
26:25
the
26:26
time.
26:26
Like,
26:27
the
26:27
long
26:27
hair
26:27
you
26:28
had,
26:28
like,
26:28
really
26:29
long.
26:29
I
26:29
don't
26:29
know
26:29
how
26:29
long
26:29
your
26:30
hair
26:30
is
26:30
now,
26:30
but
26:30
your
26:31
hair
26:31
was
26:31
really
26:32
long,
26:32
like
26:32
down
26:32
to
26:32
your
26:33
butt,
26:33
right?
26:33
It
26:34
was,
26:34
yeah,
26:36
yeah,
26:36
it
26:36
was
26:37
super,
26:37
super
26:37
long.
26:37
And
26:38
I
26:38
remember
26:38
thinking,
26:38
oh,
26:39
my
26:39
God,
26:39
that
26:39
saved
26:40
her
26:40
life.
26:40
Because
26:40
I
26:41
don't
26:41
know.
26:41
I
26:41
don't
26:41
remember
26:41
the
26:41
whole
26:42
details
26:42
of
26:42
it,
26:42
but
26:42
anyway,
26:43
I
26:43
do
26:43
remember.
26:44
I
26:44
know
26:44
when
26:45
you
26:45
just
26:45
said
26:45
that,
26:45
when
26:45
I
26:46
read
26:46
that,
26:46
it
26:47
was
26:47
funny,
26:47
the
26:47
Flame
26:47
Keeper,
26:48
I
26:48
was
26:48
like,
26:48
okay,
26:49
there's
26:49
the
26:49
water,
26:50
you
26:50
know,
26:50
and
26:51
that's
26:51
a
26:51
big
26:51
thing.
26:51
And
26:52
there's
26:52
fire.
26:52
And
26:52
I'm
26:53
like,
26:53
there's
26:53
got
26:53
to
26:54
be
26:54
a
26:54
reason
26:54
somehow
26:55
be
26:55
reconnected
26:56
without
26:57
having
26:57
a
26:57
fear
26:57
of
26:58
the
26:58
fire.
26:58
That.
26:59
Yeah,
26:59
exactly.
27:00
Yeah.
27:01
And.
27:01
And
27:01
then
27:01
I
27:02
wasn't
27:02
trusted
27:03
with
27:03
fire.
27:04
And
27:04
we
27:04
lived
27:05
in
27:05
a
27:05
600
27:05
year
27:06
old
27:06
house
27:07
that
27:07
had
27:07
three
27:08
fireplaces,
27:09
like
27:10
it
27:10
was
27:10
our
27:10
main
27:10
source
27:11
of
27:11
heat.
27:11
And
27:12
then
27:12
we
27:12
would
27:12
have
27:13
fire
27:13
pits
27:14
outside
27:14
almost
27:15
every
27:15
single
27:15
day
27:16
because
27:16
we
27:16
lived
27:16
in
27:16
the
27:17
woods.
27:17
So
27:18
then,
27:18
not
27:18
being
27:18
trusted
27:19
with
27:19
it,
27:21
I
27:21
was
27:21
being
27:22
told
27:22
I
27:22
couldn't
27:23
trust
27:23
myself.
27:24
Right.
27:25
You
27:26
know,
27:26
and
27:26
I
27:26
was
27:26
like,
27:29
something's
27:30
wrong.
27:32
Like,
27:32
this
27:32
is
27:33
not
27:33
right.
27:34
I
27:34
don't
27:34
like
27:34
the
27:35
way
27:35
this
27:35
is
27:35
sitting.
27:38
And
27:38
I
27:38
had
27:38
always
27:39
been
27:39
drawn
27:39
to
27:40
people.
27:40
Like
27:40
at
27:41
festivals
27:41
when
27:42
I
27:42
would
27:42
see
27:42
them
27:42
with
27:43
fire,
27:43
I
27:43
would
27:43
just
27:43
like
27:44
leave
27:44
whoever.
27:45
I
27:45
was
27:45
like
27:45
a
27:46
magnet,
27:46
you
27:46
know,
27:47
Even
27:47
though
27:47
I
27:47
had
27:47
been
27:48
burned,
27:49
even
27:49
though
27:49
I
27:50
went
27:50
through
27:50
the
27:50
excruciating
27:51
pain
27:51
of
27:52
nerves
27:52
having
27:52
to
27:53
like
27:53
rebuild
27:54
themselves
27:54
and
27:54
I
27:55
couldn't
27:55
shower
27:56
for
27:56
almost
27:56
12
27:57
weeks,
27:58
I
27:58
wasn't
27:58
allowed
27:59
to
27:59
change
27:59
my
27:59
own
28:00
bandages.
28:01
I
28:01
couldn't
28:01
work.
28:02
Like,
28:02
there
28:02
were
28:02
so
28:02
many
28:03
things.
28:04
But
28:05
when
28:05
I
28:06
was
28:06
finally
28:06
able
28:07
to
28:07
have
28:08
separation
28:08
from
28:09
my
28:09
husband
28:10
because,
28:11
you
28:11
know,
28:11
he
28:12
was
28:12
the
28:12
one
28:12
who
28:14
was
28:14
fearful
28:15
that
28:15
something
28:15
could
28:16
happen
28:16
again,
28:20
that's
28:20
when
28:21
source
28:22
just
28:22
kind
28:23
of
28:23
dropped
28:23
Kiki
28:24
and
28:24
Gia
28:25
in
28:25
my
28:25
lap.
28:26
And
28:27
they
28:27
were
28:28
absolutely
28:29
enchanting.
28:30
And
28:31
they
28:31
were
28:32
putting
28:33
on
28:33
a
28:33
retreat
28:34
in
28:34
Costa
28:34
Rica.
28:36
And
28:36
I
28:37
was
28:37
like,
28:37
I'm
28:37
coming.
28:38
And
28:39
then
28:39
she's
28:39
like,
28:40
who
28:40
are
28:40
you?
28:41
I've
28:41
never
28:41
even
28:41
heard
28:42
of
28:42
you.
28:43
And
28:43
I'm
28:43
like,
28:43
this
28:44
is
28:44
who
28:44
I
28:44
am.
28:47
And
28:48
she's
28:48
like,
28:48
okay,
28:49
well,
28:49
how
28:49
about
28:50
we
28:50
have
28:51
a
28:52
retreat
28:52
in
28:52
Chicago,
28:54
in
28:54
Illinois
28:54
before
28:55
we
28:55
do
28:56
the
28:56
Costa
28:56
Rica
28:57
one?
28:57
How
28:57
about
28:57
you
28:58
come
28:58
try
28:58
that
28:58
out
28:59
before
28:59
you
28:59
go
29:00
international,
29:01
Right?
29:02
So
29:02
I
29:03
did.
29:03
And
29:04
there's
29:04
a
29:04
whole
29:04
nother
29:05
branch
29:05
to
29:05
the
29:05
story
29:05
because
29:06
the
29:06
day
29:06
that
29:07
I
29:08
reached
29:08
out
29:08
to
29:08
her
29:09
and
29:09
said,
29:09
I
29:09
have
29:09
to
29:09
do
29:09
this,
29:10
I'm
29:10
signing
29:10
up.
29:11
The
29:11
very
29:11
next
29:12
day
29:12
I
29:12
met
29:13
my
29:13
now
29:13
partner
29:14
and.
29:15
And
29:15
that
29:15
partner
29:16
was
29:17
doing
29:17
fire
29:18
in
29:18
my
29:19
town,
29:20
spinning
29:20
fire,
29:21
what
29:22
I
29:22
just
29:22
signed
29:22
up
29:23
for.
29:24
And
29:24
this
29:24
is
29:24
a
29:24
tiny
29:25
ass
29:25
town.
29:26
Do
29:26
you
29:26
know
29:26
it?
29:27
French
29:27
town.
29:28
And
29:28
like,
29:29
yeah,
29:29
it's
29:30
like
29:31
a
29:32
dot.
29:33
So
29:33
I
29:33
was
29:33
like,
29:34
what
29:34
is.
29:34
I
29:34
want
29:34
to
29:34
meet
29:35
somebody
29:35
with
29:35
fire.
29:35
How
29:36
do
29:36
I
29:36
not
29:36
know
29:36
this?
29:37
You
29:37
know?
29:37
And
29:37
then
29:38
boom,
29:38
it
29:39
was.
29:39
It's.
29:40
But
29:40
that's
29:40
always
29:40
been
29:41
the
29:41
way
29:41
for
29:42
me.
29:43
And
29:43
I
29:43
think
29:43
that
29:44
that
29:44
is.
29:45
That
29:45
is
29:46
why
29:46
I
29:46
keep
29:47
showing
29:47
up
29:50
even
29:50
after
29:51
my,
29:51
like,
29:51
quietude,
29:53
my.
29:53
My
29:54
sabbaticals,
29:54
because
29:55
I
29:55
feel
29:55
like
29:55
I've
29:55
had
29:55
a
29:56
little
29:56
bit
29:56
of
29:56
a
29:56
sabbatical
29:57
from
29:58
serving
29:58
in
29:58
the
29:58
ways
29:59
that
30:00
most
30:00
people
30:01
are
30:01
used
30:01
to.
30:02
Me
30:02
showing
30:02
up
30:03
in.
30:05
But
30:05
then
30:05
I
30:06
have
30:06
to
30:06
show
30:07
up
30:07
again,
30:08
right?
30:08
And
30:08
it's
30:09
like,
30:09
we
30:09
have
30:10
to
30:10
do
30:10
this
30:11
because
30:14
people
30:15
look
30:15
in
30:16
and
30:16
they
30:17
say,
30:18
how
30:19
are
30:19
you
30:19
living
30:20
this
30:20
magical
30:20
life
30:21
that
30:21
you
30:21
created
30:22
on
30:22
your
30:22
own
30:22
accord?
30:24
And
30:24
I'm
30:24
saying,
30:25
because
30:25
it's
30:25
all
30:26
the
30:26
little
30:26
choices
30:27
of
30:28
choosing
30:29
your
30:29
heart's
30:29
desire.
30:30
And
30:31
if
30:31
you
30:31
don't
30:31
know
30:31
what
30:32
your
30:32
heart's
30:32
desire
30:33
is,
30:33
babe,
30:33
then
30:33
freaking
30:34
tune
30:34
in
30:35
and
30:35
figure
30:35
it
30:36
out.
30:36
And
30:37
if
30:37
you
30:37
don't
30:37
know
30:37
how
30:37
to
30:38
tune
30:38
in,
30:38
then
30:39
you
30:39
start.
30:39
Start
30:40
with
30:40
your
30:41
body
30:41
and
30:41
your
30:42
breath
30:42
and
30:42
you
30:42
start
30:43
with
30:43
the
30:43
sun.
30:44
Like,
30:45
what
30:45
are
30:45
the
30:45
most
30:46
basic
30:47
freaking
30:47
things?
30:48
And
30:49
you
30:49
start
30:50
there,
30:50
and
30:51
then
30:51
it
30:51
works
30:52
outward.
30:52
It
30:52
can't
30:52
go
30:53
from
30:53
here.
30:53
Here,
30:54
you
30:54
know,
30:55
And.
30:55
And
30:56
that's
30:56
probably
30:57
the
30:57
gift
30:58
of
30:58
being
30:59
motherless,
31:01
you
31:01
know,
31:01
is
31:02
that
31:03
I
31:03
had
31:04
to
31:04
be
31:04
my
31:04
mother,
31:05
so
31:05
I
31:05
had
31:06
to
31:06
follow
31:06
what
31:07
felt
31:07
good,
31:08
not
31:09
what
31:10
was
31:10
taught
31:11
what
31:11
was
31:11
told
31:11
to
31:12
you.
31:12
Yes,
31:12
absolutely.
31:13
I
31:14
love
31:14
it.
31:14
Yeah.
31:15
That
31:15
was
31:15
a
31:16
big,
31:16
like.
31:18
Like
31:19
mic
31:19
drop.
31:19
Bam.
31:22
Oh,
31:23
that's
31:23
great.
31:24
That's
31:24
great.
31:25
Yeah.
31:25
So
31:26
now
31:26
I
31:26
dance
31:27
with
31:27
fire.
31:29
My
31:29
partner
31:30
is
31:30
literally
31:31
like
31:31
a
31:32
master.
31:32
He's
31:32
been
31:33
doing
31:33
it
31:33
for
31:33
25
31:34
years.
31:34
But
31:34
my
31:35
son,
31:35
stubborn
31:36
ways
31:38
and
31:38
my
31:39
old
31:39
ways.
31:40
Because
31:41
here's
31:41
a
31:41
little.
31:42
I
31:42
don't
31:42
know
31:42
if
31:42
we're
31:42
allowed
31:43
to
31:43
do
31:43
this,
31:43
but
31:43
there's
31:44
a
31:44
book
31:44
called
31:44
the
31:45
Queen's
31:45
Code
31:47
by
31:47
Alison
31:47
Armstrong.
31:49
Literally,
31:50
game
31:50
changer.
31:51
Completely
31:52
and
31:52
utterly
31:53
rewired
31:54
me
31:55
in
31:55
understanding
31:56
men.
31:57
I
31:58
laid
31:58
down
31:58
my
31:59
sword.
31:59
I
32:00
am
32:00
no
32:00
longer
32:01
emasculating
32:02
them.
32:02
I
32:02
am
32:03
no
32:03
longer
32:03
on
32:03
the
32:04
I
32:05
hate
32:05
men
32:05
team.
32:06
And
32:07
that's
32:07
huge
32:08
coming
32:08
from
32:08
me.
32:10
I've
32:11
endured
32:11
a
32:12
lot
32:12
of
32:12
different
32:12
kinds
32:13
of
32:13
traumas
32:14
from
32:14
men
32:15
that
32:15
I
32:15
both
32:16
trusted
32:17
and
32:17
didn't
32:18
know
32:19
and
32:19
did
32:20
know
32:20
in
32:21
my
32:21
life.
32:21
So,
32:24
you
32:24
know,
32:24
I
32:25
was
32:25
really
32:25
comfortable
32:26
being
32:26
like
32:27
a
32:27
Lilith
32:27
Fair
32:29
freaking
32:31
feminist,
32:32
Hardcore
32:33
all
32:33
the
32:33
way.
32:33
Let's
32:34
burn
32:34
them
32:34
down.
32:34
We
32:35
don't
32:35
need
32:35
any
32:35
of
32:35
them
32:36
for
32:36
a
32:37
really
32:37
long
32:37
time.
32:38
Right.
32:38
And
32:39
that
32:39
my.
32:40
My
32:40
relationship
32:41
that
32:41
I'm
32:42
in
32:42
right
32:42
now
32:43
and
32:43
that
32:43
book,
32:44
it
32:45
has.
32:45
What
32:45
has
32:46
completely
32:46
and
32:47
utterly
32:47
changed
32:48
the
32:48
game
32:48
for
32:48
me.
32:48
So
32:49
I
32:49
keep
32:49
telling
32:50
every
32:51
woman
32:51
that
32:51
I
32:51
possibly
32:52
know.
32:53
Will.
32:53
Will.
32:54
Will
32:54
say,
32:54
okay,
32:55
I'll
32:55
take
32:55
it.
32:56
Because
32:57
it's.
32:58
It's
32:59
beyond.
33:00
So
33:01
get
33:01
that.
33:02
And
33:03
where
33:03
did
33:03
I
33:03
go?
33:04
I.
33:04
I
33:04
veered.
33:07
Oh,
33:07
you're
33:07
fine.
33:07
You're
33:08
fine.
33:08
You
33:08
were.
33:09
Yeah.
33:10
I
33:10
don't
33:10
know
33:10
how
33:10
that
33:10
came
33:11
up.
33:11
I
33:12
know,
33:12
right?
33:12
Because
33:13
I
33:13
was
33:13
talking
33:13
about
33:14
men,
33:14
my
33:14
relationship.
33:15
Oh,
33:16
right.
33:16
So
33:17
Johnny.
33:18
So
33:18
he.
33:19
Of
33:19
course
33:20
we
33:20
weren't
33:20
going
33:20
to
33:21
this
33:21
retreat.
33:22
I
33:22
wasn't
33:22
going
33:22
to
33:23
this
33:23
retreat
33:23
in
33:23
Illinois
33:24
for
33:24
Quite
33:24
some
33:24
time.
33:25
And
33:25
he
33:25
want.
33:25
He
33:25
was.
33:26
He
33:26
was
33:26
like,
33:26
oh,
33:26
you
33:27
want
33:27
to
33:27
do
33:27
this?
33:27
Here,
33:28
look,
33:28
let
33:28
me
33:28
put
33:28
in
33:28
your
33:29
hands.
33:29
And
33:29
I
33:29
was
33:29
like,
33:31
you're
33:32
a
33:32
man.
33:34
I
33:35
can't
33:35
have
33:35
you
33:35
put
33:35
it
33:35
in
33:36
my
33:36
hands.
33:37
And
33:37
he's
33:37
like,
33:38
what?
33:43
And
33:43
I'm
33:43
like,
33:44
I
33:44
cannot
33:44
have
33:44
you
33:45
put
33:45
this
33:45
in
33:45
my
33:45
hands.
33:47
I'm
33:47
sorry.
33:47
It
33:48
has
33:48
to
33:48
come
33:48
from
33:48
a
33:49
woman.
33:49
And
33:50
so
33:50
I
33:50
waited
33:50
for
33:51
three
33:51
months,
33:51
and
33:52
then
33:52
we
33:52
went,
33:52
and
33:53
then
33:53
I
33:53
wasn't
33:53
gonna
33:53
bring
33:53
them,
33:54
and
33:54
then
33:54
the
33:54
last
33:54
minute,
33:54
I
33:55
brought
33:55
them,
33:55
and
33:55
it
33:55
was
33:55
transformational
33:56
for
33:56
everybody.
33:59
And
33:59
then
33:59
I
33:59
didn't
34:00
bring
34:00
him
34:00
to
34:00
Costa
34:01
Rica.
34:02
Then
34:02
the
34:02
next
34:02
year,
34:03
I
34:03
brought
34:03
my
34:03
daughter,
34:04
my
34:04
youngest
34:05
daughter,
34:05
Cora,
34:06
and
34:06
she
34:06
was
34:07
10
34:07
years
34:07
old,
34:08
and
34:08
now
34:09
she
34:09
is
34:09
14.
34:10
And
34:11
that
34:11
girl
34:11
has
34:12
four
34:12
years
34:13
under
34:14
her
34:14
belt.
34:14
She
34:15
has
34:15
trained
34:15
with
34:16
some
34:16
of
34:16
the
34:16
world's
34:17
most
34:17
amazing
34:18
fire
34:18
dancers
34:20
in
34:20
St.
34:20
Croix
34:21
in
34:21
Chicago.
34:23
They're
34:24
her
34:24
fire
34:24
aunties
34:25
now.
34:25
When
34:26
she
34:26
got
34:27
her
34:27
period
34:27
and
34:28
became
34:28
a
34:28
woman,
34:30
they
34:31
all
34:31
flew
34:31
out
34:32
here
34:33
from
34:33
Michigan
34:34
and
34:34
Chicago
34:35
and
34:35
Florida
34:37
and
34:37
fairy
34:38
sisters.
34:39
And
34:40
we
34:40
all
34:40
came
34:41
together
34:41
to
34:42
welcome
34:44
our
34:44
beautiful
34:45
girl
34:45
into
34:46
the
34:46
tribe.
34:47
And
34:47
that
34:48
alone
34:48
was
34:48
so
34:49
healing
34:49
because
34:50
every
34:50
single
34:51
woman,
34:51
even
34:51
my
34:52
midwife,
34:52
was
34:52
there
34:53
who
34:54
caught
34:54
Cora.
34:56
Of
34:56
course,
34:56
my
34:56
mom
34:57
didn't
34:57
come.
34:59
So
35:00
it
35:01
was
35:01
like
35:01
every
35:01
single
35:02
woman
35:03
said,
35:05
I'm
35:05
here
35:05
for
35:05
you,
35:06
but
35:06
I'm
35:06
also
35:07
here
35:07
for
35:07
me,
35:07
because
35:08
I
35:08
didn't
35:09
get
35:09
this
35:10
right.
35:11
And
35:11
this
35:11
is
35:12
so
35:12
amazing,
35:13
you
35:14
know,
35:14
so
35:15
that's
35:15
like
35:15
another
35:16
facet
35:16
to
35:16
the
35:17
work.
35:18
And
35:19
she's
35:19
such
35:19
a
35:19
beautiful
35:20
girl.
35:20
And
35:21
people
35:21
are
35:21
always
35:22
asking
35:22
me,
35:23
you
35:23
know,
35:23
because
35:24
I
35:24
was
35:24
told
35:24
when
35:24
I
35:25
blew
35:25
out
35:25
the
35:25
candles
35:25
on
35:26
my
35:26
cake
35:26
at
35:26
my
35:27
13th
35:27
birthday,
35:27
the
35:28
devil
35:28
entered
35:28
my
35:29
body,
35:29
and
35:30
then
35:30
that
35:31
was
35:31
it.
35:32
And
35:32
I
35:33
was
35:33
awful
35:34
from
35:34
that
35:34
point
35:34
on.
35:35
And
35:39
so
35:39
I
35:39
always
35:40
held
35:40
this
35:40
belief,
35:41
which
35:41
I
35:42
inadvertently
35:43
did
35:43
pass
35:43
on
35:43
to
35:43
my
35:44
children,
35:44
that
35:44
teenagers
35:45
are
35:45
just
35:47
awful,
35:48
evil,
35:49
evil.
35:50
They're
35:50
evil,
35:51
they're
35:51
awful,
35:52
they're
35:52
evil,
35:53
and
35:53
they
35:53
should
35:54
just
35:54
go
35:54
away.
35:55
And
35:56
you
35:56
have
35:56
to
35:56
deal
35:57
with
35:57
it
35:57
and,
35:58
like,
35:58
the
35:59
jokes,
35:59
because
35:59
I,
36:00
I,
36:00
I
36:00
have
36:01
sometimes
36:02
over
36:02
a
36:02
hundred
36:03
women
36:03
in
36:03
my
36:03
chair
36:04
in
36:04
a
36:04
week.
36:05
And
36:05
we
36:06
get
36:07
close.
36:07
You
36:08
know,
36:08
people.
36:10
People
36:11
share.
36:12
Yeah.
36:12
And
36:13
the
36:14
consensus
36:14
was,
36:17
even
36:17
with
36:17
the
36:18
elders,
36:18
was
36:19
I
36:19
drank
36:19
a
36:19
lot.
36:20
I
36:20
drank
36:20
a
36:21
lot
36:21
during
36:21
that
36:21
time.
36:21
I'm
36:21
also
36:22
sober,
36:22
so,
36:23
you
36:24
know,
36:24
it's
36:24
like,
36:24
well,
36:26
that's
36:27
not
36:27
gonna
36:27
work
36:27
for
36:28
me
36:28
here.
36:30
And
36:31
she
36:32
is
36:32
defying
36:33
all
36:34
of
36:34
that,
36:34
you
36:35
know?
36:35
And
36:35
so
36:36
a
36:37
lot
36:37
of
36:37
mothers
36:37
will
36:37
say
36:38
to
36:38
me,
36:38
like,
36:38
sometimes
36:39
they'll
36:39
look
36:39
at
36:39
me
36:40
and
36:40
they'll
36:40
be
36:40
like,
36:41
you're
36:41
so
36:41
lucky.
36:42
And
36:42
there's
36:42
a
36:42
little
36:42
bit
36:43
of
36:44
of
36:44
jealousy
36:44
or
36:45
envy
36:45
or
36:45
resentment
36:46
in
36:46
their.
36:47
And
36:47
I've.
36:47
I've.
36:48
I've
36:48
had
36:48
my
36:49
own
36:49
journey
36:49
with
36:49
my
36:49
oldest
36:50
child,
36:50
and
36:50
it
36:51
was
36:51
fractured
36:51
and
36:52
it
36:52
was
36:53
hard,
36:54
and
36:54
I
36:54
had
36:54
to
36:55
learn
36:56
my
36:56
own
36:57
ways
36:58
in
36:58
which
36:58
I
36:59
ensued
36:59
trauma,
37:00
right?
37:02
And
37:02
still
37:02
growing
37:03
from
37:03
that
37:03
now.
37:04
But
37:05
the
37:05
way
37:05
that
37:06
Cora
37:06
is
37:06
showing
37:06
up
37:07
in
37:07
the
37:07
world
37:08
is
37:09
because
37:11
I
37:11
have
37:12
shared
37:13
her
37:13
with
37:13
the
37:14
world
37:14
and
37:14
said,
37:15
help
37:15
me,
37:17
help
37:17
me
37:17
with
37:18
this
37:18
one,
37:19
you
37:19
know,
37:20
because
37:20
we
37:20
can't
37:21
do
37:21
it
37:21
alone.
37:22
And
37:22
we
37:22
need
37:22
a
37:23
tribe
37:23
and
37:23
we
37:23
need
37:24
our
37:24
women.
37:25
And
37:26
so
37:26
my,
37:26
my
37:27
real
37:27
life
37:27
goal,
37:28
like,
37:28
when
37:28
people
37:29
are
37:29
like,
37:29
you
37:29
have
37:29
your
37:29
hands
37:30
in
37:30
so
37:30
many
37:30
different
37:31
pots,
37:31
you
37:31
know,
37:32
and,
37:32
like,
37:33
what
37:33
is
37:33
it?
37:33
Like,
37:34
what
37:34
is
37:34
it?
37:34
Because
37:35
it's
37:35
so
37:35
hard
37:35
to
37:36
understand,
37:36
which
37:36
is
37:36
why
37:37
I
37:37
opened
37:37
the
37:37
apothecary.
37:40
And
37:40
I've
37:40
been
37:40
mobile
37:41
for
37:41
so
37:41
long,
37:41
and
37:42
I've
37:42
been
37:42
traveling
37:43
for
37:43
so
37:43
long.
37:43
And
37:43
I
37:44
did
37:44
have
37:45
studios
37:47
over
37:47
the
37:47
past
37:49
20
37:49
years,
37:51
but
37:51
they
37:51
were
37:51
just
37:52
one
37:52
on
37:52
one,
37:53
and
37:53
I
37:53
was
37:53
only
37:53
doing
37:54
one
37:54
on
37:54
one
37:54
work.
37:55
So
37:56
it
37:56
was
37:56
a
37:56
really
37:56
big
37:56
leap
37:57
jumping
37:57
in
37:58
and
37:58
opening
37:58
up
37:58
the
37:58
apothecary.
37:59
And
38:00
so
38:00
the
38:00
apothecary
38:01
houses
38:02
all
38:02
the
38:02
ways
38:02
in
38:03
which
38:03
I
38:03
have
38:03
served
38:03
throughout
38:04
my
38:04
lifetime.
38:05
And
38:08
it
38:08
is
38:08
a
38:09
portal.
38:09
And
38:10
now
38:10
that
38:10
I
38:11
just
38:11
am
38:11
starting
38:12
our
38:12
third
38:12
year,
38:14
we
38:14
do
38:14
fairy
38:14
hair
38:15
there.
38:15
It's
38:15
a
38:15
headquarters
38:16
for
38:16
Fairy
38:16
Hair
38:18
Mystery
38:18
School.
38:19
It
38:19
is
38:20
an
38:20
apothecary,
38:21
which
38:22
means
38:22
it's
38:22
also
38:22
like
38:23
an
38:23
apothecary.
38:24
There's
38:25
herbs,
38:25
and
38:26
there's
38:26
everything
38:27
that
38:27
our
38:28
mother
38:28
Earth
38:28
has
38:29
given
38:29
to
38:29
us
38:30
to
38:30
help
38:30
us
38:30
heal.
38:33
It
38:34
is
38:34
a
38:35
place
38:35
that
38:36
transports
38:36
you
38:37
as
38:37
soon
38:37
as
38:37
you
38:37
walk
38:38
in.
38:39
Because
38:39
my
38:40
imagination
38:41
has
38:42
been
38:42
one
38:42
of
38:42
the
38:42
greatest
38:43
tools
38:43
in
38:43
my
38:43
healing.
38:44
And
38:45
I
38:45
believe
38:46
it's
38:46
because
38:46
I've
38:47
had
38:47
to,
38:47
you
38:48
know,
38:48
develop
38:48
it
38:48
throughout
38:49
my
38:49
lifetime
38:51
in
38:51
ways
38:52
of
38:53
survival
38:54
that
38:54
have
38:54
turned
38:55
into
38:55
thriving.
38:56
And
38:57
so,
38:58
you
38:59
know,
38:59
when
38:59
people
39:00
walk
39:00
in
39:00
the
39:00
door,
39:01
they
39:01
say
39:02
there's
39:03
sound
39:03
healing
39:03
there,
39:03
there's
39:04
women's
39:04
circles
39:04
there,
39:05
There's
39:05
a
39:05
wish
39:06
workshop.
39:06
You
39:06
have
39:07
to
39:07
step
39:07
into
39:07
the
39:07
fairy
39:08
ring,
39:08
and
39:08
then
39:09
you
39:09
get
39:09
to
39:09
create
39:09
your
39:10
own
39:10
little
39:10
wish
39:11
vial.
39:11
And
39:11
you,
39:12
you
39:12
go
39:12
into
39:12
this
39:13
ceiling
39:13
sanctum,
39:14
and
39:14
then
39:14
you
39:14
seal
39:14
it
39:15
with
39:15
flame
39:16
and
39:16
wax.
39:17
And
39:17
you
39:17
get
39:18
to
39:18
drink
39:18
a
39:18
little
39:19
cup
39:19
of
39:19
pixie
39:20
potion
39:20
tea
39:21
out
39:22
of
39:22
a
39:22
real
39:22
glass,
39:23
you
39:23
know,
39:24
so
39:25
it's
39:25
like
39:25
all
39:25
of
39:26
the
39:26
elements
39:26
are
39:27
there
39:27
for
39:27
you
39:28
to
39:28
remember
39:29
who
39:30
you
39:30
are
39:31
elementally,
39:31
at
39:32
the
39:32
core
39:32
of
39:32
who
39:33
you
39:33
are.
39:34
And
39:36
so
39:36
now,
39:36
you
39:37
know,
39:38
people
39:38
will
39:38
come
39:38
in
39:38
and
39:39
they're
39:39
just
39:39
like,
39:40
did
39:41
you
39:41
create
39:42
this?
39:43
And
39:43
as
39:43
much
39:44
as
39:44
my
39:44
ego
39:46
wants
39:46
to
39:46
be
39:46
like,
39:47
yes,
39:47
I
39:48
did.
39:50
I
39:51
really
39:51
didn't
39:52
because
39:53
it
39:53
stripped
39:54
me
39:54
apart.
39:55
The
39:56
building
39:56
of
39:56
it,
39:57
the
39:58
leaping
39:59
into
39:59
it,
40:01
challenged
40:02
every
40:02
single
40:04
new
40:04
program
40:05
that
40:05
I
40:05
had
40:05
given
40:05
to
40:06
myself.
40:08
It
40:09
completely
40:10
and
40:10
utterly
40:11
obliterated
40:12
me.
40:12
I
40:12
went
40:12
back
40:13
to
40:13
drinking.
40:15
I
40:16
stopped
40:16
taking
40:16
care
40:16
of
40:17
myself.
40:19
I
40:20
was
40:20
pushing
40:21
everybody
40:21
away
40:22
in
40:22
my
40:22
life,
40:24
and
40:24
I
40:24
caught
40:25
my
40:25
snap,
40:27
and
40:28
I
40:28
just
40:28
kept
40:29
showing
40:29
up
40:30
and
40:31
sitting
40:31
in.
40:32
I.
40:32
I
40:33
painted
40:33
it
40:33
green.
40:33
And
40:34
then
40:34
it
40:34
was
40:34
like
40:34
I.
40:35
I
40:35
couldn't
40:35
continue,
40:36
right?
40:36
I
40:37
couldn't
40:37
keep
40:37
going
40:38
because
40:39
I
40:40
was
40:40
lying
40:40
to
40:40
myself
40:41
all
40:41
over
40:41
again,
40:42
right?
40:43
And
40:43
then
40:44
I
40:44
had
40:44
so
40:44
much
40:44
shame
40:45
because
40:46
it's
40:46
like,
40:46
holy,
40:47
you've
40:47
been
40:48
here
40:48
so
40:48
many
40:48
times.
40:49
And
40:50
how
40:50
embarrassing,
40:51
right?
40:53
Like,
40:53
it
40:53
happens
40:54
to
40:54
everybody.
40:55
You're
40:55
not.
40:57
You're
40:57
not
40:57
that
40:57
magical
40:58
that
40:58
you're
40:58
not
40:59
devoid
40:59
of
41:00
human
41:01
failure
41:02
and
41:02
falter,
41:04
right?
41:04
And
41:05
so
41:05
I
41:05
just
41:06
sat
41:07
in
41:07
that
41:08
green
41:08
shop
41:09
and
41:13
I
41:13
basically
41:14
had,
41:14
like,
41:14
conversations
41:15
with
41:15
God,
41:17
like,
41:17
how
41:17
the
41:17
fuck
41:17
do
41:18
you
41:18
want
41:18
me
41:18
to
41:18
show
41:18
up
41:18
now?
41:19
Sorry,
41:20
but,
41:20
like,
41:21
you
41:21
know,
41:21
if
41:21
you're
41:22
telling
41:22
me
41:22
that
41:23
every
41:23
way
41:23
in
41:23
which
41:24
I've
41:24
known
41:25
I
41:25
can
41:25
no
41:25
longer
41:26
do,
41:26
then
41:27
how
41:27
is
41:27
it
41:27
supposed
41:28
to
41:28
be?
41:28
And
41:28
what
41:29
I
41:29
thought
41:29
I
41:29
was
41:30
gonna
41:30
build?
41:31
Oh,
41:32
you
41:32
told
41:32
me
41:33
in
41:33
all
41:33
of
41:34
the
41:34
ways
41:34
with
41:34
big
41:35
red
41:35
tape
41:36
that
41:36
I
41:36
wasn't
41:36
gonna
41:36
be
41:37
allowed
41:37
to
41:37
do
41:37
it.
41:37
So
41:38
how
41:38
the
41:38
hell
41:38
am
41:38
I
41:38
supposed
41:39
to
41:39
do
41:39
that
41:39
now
41:39
that
41:39
I
41:40
leaped
41:40
in
41:40
and
41:40
I
41:40
have
41:41
every
41:41
single
41:41
last
41:42
ounce
41:42
of
41:43
my
41:43
money
41:43
and
41:44
my.
41:44
My
41:44
resources
41:45
and
41:45
my
41:45
energy
41:46
in
41:46
this
41:46
space.
41:48
And.
41:49
And
41:50
I
41:50
had
41:50
ideas
41:51
of
41:51
how
41:51
I
41:51
thought
41:52
it
41:52
was
41:52
supposed
41:52
to
41:53
look,
41:54
and
41:54
I
41:54
was
41:56
trying
41:56
to
41:57
control
41:57
it
41:58
and
41:58
doing
41:58
that,
41:58
and
41:59
it
41:59
was
42:00
so
42:00
awful
42:01
that
42:02
things
42:02
would
42:02
just.
42:03
Like,
42:03
the
42:04
shelves
42:04
would
42:05
just
42:05
fall
42:05
off
42:06
the
42:06
wall.
42:07
Like,
42:08
not
42:08
this
42:08
way.
42:10
How
42:10
about
42:10
you
42:10
try
42:11
again?
42:11
Are
42:11
you
42:12
going
42:12
to
42:12
listen
42:12
now?
42:13
You
42:13
know,
42:14
so
42:15
when
42:15
I
42:15
finally
42:16
listened,
42:18
and
42:18
I
42:18
finally
42:19
listened
42:20
was
42:20
when
42:21
I
42:21
stopped
42:23
drinking
42:24
and
42:24
I
42:25
stopped
42:26
telling
42:26
everybody
42:27
I
42:27
was
42:27
too
42:27
busy
42:29
and
42:29
being
42:30
like,
42:31
I
42:32
could
42:32
just
42:32
do
42:32
everything
42:32
myself,
42:34
right?
42:35
Picked
42:35
myself
42:35
back
42:36
up
42:37
and
42:38
I
42:38
sat
42:38
in
42:38
there
42:38
with
42:38
my
42:39
tea
42:41
and
42:41
I
42:41
said,
42:41
show
42:42
me.
42:43
And
42:44
it
42:44
literally
42:45
showed
42:45
me.
42:45
And
42:46
now
42:47
when
42:47
people
42:47
walk
42:48
in
42:49
and
42:49
their
42:49
breath
42:49
is
42:50
taken
42:50
away,
42:51
or
42:51
they
42:51
tell
42:52
me
42:52
that
42:52
they're
42:52
feeling
42:53
something
42:53
and
42:53
they
42:53
don't
42:53
understand
42:54
it,
42:55
or
42:56
they
42:56
ask
42:56
if
42:57
they
42:57
could
42:57
come
42:57
into
42:57
the
42:58
fairy
42:58
room,
42:58
or
42:59
they
42:59
get
42:59
fairy
43:00
hair,
43:00
or,
43:01
you
43:01
know,
43:01
we
43:01
give
43:01
two
43:02
free
43:02
strands
43:02
and
43:03
we're
43:03
in
43:03
New
43:03
Hope.
43:04
So
43:05
New
43:05
Hope
43:06
is
43:06
like
43:06
a
43:06
huge
43:07
tourist
43:07
town.
43:08
And
43:08
we
43:08
are
43:09
right
43:09
before
43:09
you
43:09
walk
43:10
over
43:10
the
43:10
bridge,
43:10
you
43:11
know,
43:11
the
43:11
bridge
43:11
that
43:11
walks
43:12
into
43:12
Lambertville.
43:13
So,
43:14
like,
43:15
on
43:15
the
43:15
weekends,
43:16
it's
43:16
hundreds
43:17
of
43:17
people
43:17
that
43:17
walk
43:18
in
43:18
there.
43:19
It's
43:20
wild
43:20
beyond
43:21
my
43:21
imagination.
43:22
And
43:22
for
43:22
the
43:22
first
43:23
year,
43:23
I
43:23
literally
43:23
Hid.
43:24
I
43:24
couldn't
43:24
open
43:24
the
43:24
door.
43:26
I
43:26
couldn't
43:26
open
43:27
the
43:27
door.
43:27
I
43:28
would
43:28
have
43:28
panic
43:28
attacks.
43:29
It
43:29
was
43:29
awful.
43:30
So
43:30
it
43:30
was
43:31
just
43:31
like
43:31
having
43:32
to
43:32
come
43:32
back
43:33
into
43:33
myself
43:34
again
43:34
and.
43:35
And
43:35
that
43:35
relearning
43:36
and
43:36
now
43:37
the
43:37
ignition
43:38
of
43:39
sharing,
43:40
because
43:40
people
43:41
are
43:41
like,
43:41
wait,
43:41
but
43:43
how
43:43
have
43:43
you
43:43
done
43:44
this?
43:44
And
43:44
I'm
43:44
like,
43:44
well,
43:44
it's.
43:45
Wait,
43:46
you're
43:46
right.
43:46
How
43:47
have
43:47
I
43:47
done
43:47
this?
43:48
Oh,
43:48
right.
43:51
All
43:51
right.
43:53
Oh,
43:53
my
43:53
gosh.
43:54
That's
43:54
crazy.
43:54
That's
43:55
awesome.
43:55
That's
43:56
beautiful.
43:56
It's
43:57
always
43:57
that
43:57
desire.
43:58
It's
43:59
always
43:59
following
44:00
what
44:00
lights
44:00
you
44:00
up.
44:01
Like
44:01
you
44:02
said
44:02
in
44:02
the
44:02
beginning,
44:02
what
44:03
lights
44:03
you
44:03
up.
44:04
Well,
44:04
we
44:05
could
44:05
be
44:05
here
44:05
forever.
44:06
Yeah,
44:07
exactly.
44:07
Exactly.
44:09
Oh,
44:10
I'll
44:10
have
44:10
to
44:10
have
44:10
you
44:11
back
44:11
on
44:11
again.
44:11
And
44:11
we'll
44:12
have
44:12
to
44:12
pick
44:12
another
44:12
like.
44:13
Like,
44:13
focus
44:14
niche
44:14
and
44:15
just
44:15
go
44:15
for
44:15
it.
44:16
Because,
44:16
like,
44:16
literally,
44:16
I
44:17
could
44:17
talk
44:17
to
44:17
you
44:17
forever.
44:18
But
44:19
you've
44:19
got
44:19
your
44:19
shop.
44:20
We're
44:20
gonna
44:21
put
44:21
the
44:21
address
44:22
and
44:22
the
44:22
link
44:22
and
44:23
everything.
44:23
But
44:23
tell
44:23
people.
44:24
This
44:24
has
44:24
been
44:24
so
44:25
much
44:25
fun.
44:25
But
44:25
tell
44:25
people
44:25
if
44:26
they
44:26
want
44:26
to
44:26
reach
44:26
out
44:26
to
44:27
you,
44:27
want
44:27
to
44:27
talk
44:27
to
44:27
you,
44:28
want
44:28
to
44:28
ask
44:28
you
44:28
questions,
44:28
where
44:29
do
44:29
they
44:29
reach
44:29
you?
44:30
How
44:30
do
44:30
they
44:30
get
44:31
to
44:31
you?
44:32
The
44:32
best
44:33
way
44:33
would
44:34
be
44:34
through
44:34
email,
44:35
which
44:36
is
44:37
wildfire,
44:38
fairy
44:40
hair,
44:42
gmail.com.
44:44
also,
44:45
my
44:45
Instagram,
44:46
you
44:47
know,
44:48
I
44:49
have
44:49
to
44:49
check
44:50
that.
44:50
I
44:50
have
44:51
really
44:51
healthy
44:51
boundaries
44:52
with
44:52
it.
44:52
I
44:52
don't
44:53
scroll,
44:54
but
44:55
I
44:55
do
44:55
check
44:56
my
44:56
messages.
45:00
You're
45:00
funny.
45:01
You're
45:01
funny.
45:01
I
45:02
was
45:02
gonna
45:02
say
45:02
we
45:02
could
45:02
do
45:02
a
45:03
whole
45:03
hour
45:03
on
45:03
boundaries.
45:06
Every.
45:06
Every
45:06
topic
45:07
you
45:07
brought
45:08
up
45:08
and
45:08
mentioned.
45:09
This
45:09
has
45:09
been
45:09
so
45:10
much
45:10
fun,
45:11
Kelly,
45:11
Give.
45:12
And
45:12
I've.
45:12
I've
45:13
literally.
45:13
I
45:13
don't
45:13
even
45:13
know
45:13
how
45:14
long
45:14
I've
45:14
known
45:14
you.
45:14
We
45:14
weren't
45:15
in
45:15
touch
45:15
and
45:16
everything,
45:16
but,
45:16
I
45:16
mean,
45:16
I'm
45:17
gonna
45:17
definitely
45:17
keep
45:17
in
45:18
better
45:18
touch.
45:18
You're
45:18
absolutely
45:19
adorable.
45:21
Give
45:22
the
45:22
listeners
45:23
your
45:23
big
45:24
picture.
45:24
Word
45:25
of
45:25
advice.
45:25
I've
45:26
taken
45:26
out
45:26
six
45:27
or
45:27
seven
45:27
or
45:27
a
45:28
hundred
45:28
things
45:28
that
45:29
you've
45:29
said
45:29
today
45:29
where
45:30
I
45:30
can
45:30
pick,
45:30
and
45:30
I
45:31
could
45:31
probably
45:31
pick
45:31
any
45:31
one
45:32
of
45:32
the
45:32
things
45:32
you
45:32
said.
45:33
But
45:33
what
45:33
would
45:33
be
45:34
your
45:34
biggest
45:34
piece
45:34
of
45:34
advice
45:35
for
45:35
women,
45:36
men,
45:36
whoever
45:36
is
45:37
listening?
45:41
I'd
45:42
have
45:42
to
45:42
say,
45:46
go
45:46
hug
45:46
a
45:47
tree.
45:52
That's
45:52
as
45:52
simple
45:53
as
45:53
it
45:53
can
45:53
be.
45:54
I
45:54
don't
45:54
care
45:54
if
45:55
it's
45:55
freaking
45:55
snowing.
45:56
I
45:56
don't
45:56
care
45:56
if
45:57
it's
45:57
cold.
45:58
I
45:58
want
45:58
you
45:58
to
45:59
go
45:59
find
45:59
a
45:59
tree,
45:59
and
45:59
I
46:00
want
46:00
you
46:00
to
46:00
hug
46:00
it.
46:01
And
46:01
I
46:01
want
46:01
you
46:02
to
46:02
do
46:02
nothing
46:03
but
46:04
feel
46:04
the
46:04
air
46:04
on
46:05
your
46:05
face
46:05
and
46:06
the
46:06
breath
46:06
in
46:06
your
46:06
lungs
46:08
and
46:08
know
46:09
that
46:09
you
46:10
have
46:10
every
46:11
single
46:12
thing
46:12
inside
46:13
of
46:13
you
46:13
to
46:14
make
46:14
your
46:14
dreams
46:15
come
46:15
true.
46:18
Absolutely
46:18
love
46:19
it.
46:19
Absolutely
46:20
love
46:20
it.
46:21
Thank
46:21
you
46:21
so
46:21
much,
46:21
Kelly,
46:22
for
46:22
coming
46:22
on.
46:22
I
46:23
really
46:23
appreciate
46:23
it.
46:24
Yeah,
46:24
I
46:24
love
46:25
you,
46:25
too.
46:25
Thank
46:26
you.
46:26
Oh,
46:26
my
46:26
gosh.
46:27
And
46:27
for
46:27
everybody
46:28
else
46:28
out
46:28
there
46:28
listening,
46:29
you
46:29
heard
46:29
it.
46:29
Go
46:29
hug
46:30
a
46:30
tree,
46:32
silly.
46:32
It's
46:33
the
46:33
same
46:33
thing
46:33
when
46:33
people
46:34
say
46:34
go.
46:34
You
46:34
know
46:34
when
46:35
you're
46:35
in
46:35
New
46:35
Jersey
46:35
and
46:36
people
46:36
say
46:36
take
46:36
off
46:36
your
46:36
shoes
46:37
and
46:37
go
46:37
walk
46:37
in
46:37
the
46:37
grass
46:38
and
46:38
people
46:38
are
46:38
like,
46:38
it's
46:38
cold.
46:39
Who
46:39
gives
46:40
a
46:40
crap?
46:41
Who
46:41
doesn't
46:42
gives
46:42
a
46:42
rat's
46:43
butt?
46:43
Like
46:43
it
46:43
doesn't
46:44
matter.
46:44
Get
46:45
outside,
46:45
get
46:46
in
46:46
nature.
46:47
Yep,
46:47
that's.
46:48
I
46:48
mean,
46:48
that's
46:48
the
46:49
biggest
46:49
connection
46:49
you
46:50
can
46:50
get
46:50
to
46:50
anything
46:51
in
46:51
the
46:51
world.
46:51
Your
46:52
God,
46:52
your
46:52
universe,
46:53
whatever
46:53
you
46:53
want
46:54
to
46:54
call
46:54
it.
46:55
But
46:55
go
46:56
for
46:56
it.
46:57
There's
46:57
your
46:57
root.
46:59
So
47:00
thank
47:00
you
47:00
so
47:00
much
47:00
again,
47:01
and
47:01
I
47:02
will
47:02
see
47:02
you
47:02
all
47:02
back
47:03
next
47:03
week.