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Religion vs Spirituality · What Tha Group Chat Say

• 0:00
  Vonnie: Welcome to What The Group Chat Say, the podcast where the group chat finally got a mic.
• 0:05
  We're three friends in our 40s talking about life, friendships, relationships, and everything we didn't see coming in this decade.
• 0:13
  I'm Vonnie, here with Keya and Drea, Before we jump in, we do want to say this episode touches on religion, spirituality, relationships, and emotional abuse.
• 0:25
  This conversation came from a real discussion between friends with different perspectives, different experiences, and a lot of honesty.
• 0:33
  We're not here to tell anybody what to believe.
• 0:35
  We're just talking through how faith, community, and personal safety can sometimes collide in complicated ways.
• 0:41
  So with that said, let's get into the group chat
• 0:46
  drea: back to your birthday, I had to be in the room with everybody, women is having this conversation.
• 0:53
  And I would say stuff here or there, but they're-- way they spoke, I- it took everything...
• 1:00
  Like, I literally would fall a- like close my eyes and go to sleep, and I don't sleep around people because I'm like, "This is my friend." Like, I don't give a damn if y'all go to the same... Like, you know what I'm saying?
• 1:11
  Like, I'm riding with her, and right
• 1:12
  Keya: Yep.
• 1:13
  drea: of y'all is giving some real shitty ass, you know what I'm saying, advice.
• 1:17
  But I was able to hear where they come from, understand the stance to a point, understand where my friend is now in you know, just the circle that she has and that other part of her support her friends who are not part of that, right?
• 1:33
  it was really
• 1:34
  Keya: Yo,
• 1:35
  drea: me that night, like very trying.
• 1:37
  I could not wait they left.
• 1:40
  Like, and I'm not-- they're not bad people.
• 1:42
  Like, I've met a lot of them.
• 1:43
  I've talked to them since then.
• 1:44
  Like, they're not bad people.
• 1:47
  just a real struggle for me, know what I mean?
• 1:50
  Hearing some of the reasonings that they were saying that she should... And I'm not saying no one should just give up on a marriage.
• 1:56
  Like, I haven't given up on a relationship, you know what I'm saying?
• 2:00
  Like, I get it.
• 2:01
  Like, I, I wholeheartedly get it without the religion.
• 2:03
  I get it with the religion, right?
• 2:06
  But just comes a point where I was just kinda like, "Oh my God, is everybody in here brainwashed? this a cult?" Like, what is happening right now?
• 2:15
  Like, I was going through it, and luckily I was, I was sober.
• 2:18
  I mean, I smoked a joint.
• 2:19
  Luckily it was just that.
• 2:20
  But it-- but then I had to... Then once they left and we had another conversation, I was like, "Okay, my friend is-- she's getting to that point where she's... Okay.
• 2:30
  All right.
• 2:31
  She just, she needed this with them.
• 2:32
  Okay." But yeah, I was, I was really, um, struck.
• 2:37
  Keya: She was, 'cause when I tell you,
• 2:39
  the toxic- She did.
• 2:42
  But we, we had an amazing time, but, like, the toxicity in that is crazy because even just in
• 2:52
  know there's extremes to everything.
• 2:55
  So there's the extreme to, um, the Israelites.
• 3:00
  There's the extreme to all the things.
• 3:03
  But just being in this walk, like, the amount of posts that I have seen about women being unalived is crazy.
• 3:14
  And you wanna know where that stemmed from?
• 3:17
  "Nah, sis, you can't leave your husband.
• 3:19
  You can't leave.
• 3:20
  You gotta sit there.
• 3:21
  Nah, sis, don't do that.
• 3:22
  Don't do this." Like, the amount of people that were telling these women, and this was, like, real live, like, abuse.
• 3:30
  Like, as I went back and, like, read these stories, I'm like, "And that was y'all advice to these women?"
• 3:37
  Like, what?
• 3:38
  And dude end up killing them.
• 3:40
  Like, y'all at the very least did not tell that woman to get to safety?
• 3:46
  G- get to safety.
• 3:50
  All four, like, and it's... Oh, God, that, that clip triggered me so bad because it's like, get to safety.
• 3:59
  Yes, if at all possible, be reconciled back to your husband.
• 4:04
  Go on back to your husband if it can be.
• 4:07
  But do not sit in dysfunction in all... Girl, the Lord didn't tell you to get your head knocked between the washer and the dryer.
• 4:20
  The Lord did not tell you that you needed to be talked down to.
• 4:25
  The Lord did not tell you that you had to sit under this man who's ruling with a iron fist.
• 4:34
  The Lord did not tell y'all that.
• 4:36
  Baby, the Lord didn't tell y'all that.
• 4:38
  The Lord told y'all he's supposed to actually love you like Christ loved the church.
• 4:44
  And the one thing that is so cliche that I laugh about, Christ gave his life for the church.
• 4:52
  So that man should be doing everything to protect you, not harm you, not make you feel less than, not make you feel like you are beneath him.
• 5:05
  Like, not, that's- Not what he said.
• 5:09
  Oh my g- girl, yeah, that clip is so triggering, and people saying that is so triggering because I heard it, and I heard it over and over and over again.
• 5:22
  And sis, you can't do it, and that sister need to... Oh my,
• 5:27
  drea: you know what
• 5:28
  Keya: yeah.
• 5:30
  drea: saw?
• 5:30
  'Cause there were some who would backpedal, they would say it, then backpedal.
• 5:33
  I saw some of them of it too.
• 5:38
  And
• 5:38
  Keya: yeah.
• 5:39
  drea: And there was a few that agreed with her, but only to an extent of what, it may be their religion or their husbands or whatever the case may be.
• 5:48
  They all try to find their own way to support her.
• 5:51
  However, it was to a certain point.
• 5:55
  know what I'm saying?
• 5:55
  It's like, "I'm gonna help you rally, but don't leave." Or you know what I'm saying?
• 5:59
  Like, so I, uh, that's when I was hard because I was like, "Oh my gosh, I hope all these women ain't ha- going through this or being abused." Like, I, my whole mind is like going now.
• 6:09
  But they all try to support in a certain way, but yet you can tell where some of them were very judgemental, you know, and had their own little instead of allowing her to have her own thoughts and live her own truth, you know?
• 6:23
  So, and I think, and then for a while you kinda had to pull away for a little bit, Keya, just to kinda get your, your own, or did you...
• 6:32
  Like, you know, didn't you start doing like online for a minute?
• 6:36
  Keya: Oh well, I did online involuntarily because after I cussed the quote, unquote elder out of the church for calling my phone and talking crazy to me, then I got kicked out.
• 6:50
  So
• 6:51
  Vonnie: Oh
• 6:51
  Keya: I went online because I got kicked out of the class because they lied, because of the lie, and because of trying to check me, um, about them lying on me.
• 7:06
  And so, um, like you said, like, I was just already getting to a point where it's like I'm... Y'all are saying the dumbest shit ever, and y'all gonna leave me alone.
• 7:21
  I come in here, I go to class, I get the word, and I go home.
• 7:25
  And y'all are steady whispering about me in corners and da, da, da, da, da.
• 7:31
  Like, everybody's talking about me but not talking to me.
• 7:35
  But that was cool, 'cause I wasn't in there for y'all.
• 7:37
  I was in there getting the word, and I'm going home.
• 7:40
  And then there was a couple that it finally was like, "Why are y'all steady talking about this woman? Like, have y'all ever even talked to her?" And so they ended up sticking up for me.
• 7:56
  It's the one that you like, Drea the woman that you like.
• 8:00
  so they ended up sticking up for me, like just stood up and at the end of our lesson one day, stood up in class and was like, "Yo, there's a marriage hurting here, and instead of y'all helping, y'all are hindering and y'all are talking about..." And so that went on.
• 8:23
  Like the husband in the situation did this, like stood up and like they were trying to ask us questions.
• 8:31
  And so they were like, "Sis Keya, do you want to leave your marriage?" I'm like, "No, like that's not what I want." And then they tried to ask... Oh, boy.
• 8:42
  Um, and you know, he walks out, but stemming from there, the quote, unquote elder of the, of our class, um, called me and was like, "You, um, you should have stopped them."
• 9:03
  How do I stop a grown man?
• 9:06
  So at first you're telling me I'm not, I, I'm not woman enough if I'm trying to leave, and I need to sit there.
• 9:15
  I'm not being obedient.
• 9:17
  But now you're telling me I need to buck up to this man who's calling y'all to the carpet.
• 9:23
  That ain't my husband to be trying to check, but you trying to tell me I need to control this man's actions, and oh baby, I snapped.
• 9:32
  And so I cussed dude out, and he went back to the, like the head, head pastor over all of our classes and lied.
• 9:43
  And I think he said something like I must have cussed him out in class or something.
• 9:49
  He made up another lie on top of all the lies that they lied about me.
• 9:53
  And so I got sat out for six months 'cause, you know, I guess sticking up for yourself is frowned upon to these men who think they are above everybody.
• 10:07
  So that's how I started going online.
• 10:10
  Vonnie: Yeah, I think some of the reason why people get upset about religion is kind of just the dismissiveness of women in the
• 10:17
  Keya: Yes.
• 10:18
  Vonnie: And if they didn't do that, I think they would probably get a lot more people kind of staying in it.
• 10:25
  'Cause they, it, it feels like sometimes, like you're saying, you'll get fed up, and some people not just leave a bad, a bad relationship, will just leave the faith altogether because there's no support for them
• 10:39
  Keya: Yep.
• 10:40
  Yep, and that's real.
• 10:42
  Yeah, and that's real, and that's where it's like, like I said, the thing is, is read for yourself because people will twist and turn- Everything.
• 10:55
  And so if she feels like she doesn't have the support, then I definitely see, um, people walking away 'cause baby, I was good at home.
• 11:08
  Like, I was good watching the lessons from...
• 11:11
  drea: like how did you even bring yourself to emotionally want to even come back there?
• 11:19
  not even
• 11:20
  Keya: Yeah.
• 11:21
  drea: another re- like another religion, like
• 11:24
  Keya: It...
• 11:24
  drea: raised in or something.
• 11:25
  You know?
• 11:26
  Like how did you
• 11:27
  Keya: So-
• 11:28
  drea: forgive?
• 11:30
  that is your s- that's supposed to be like a safety zone, and like Shavonne said, is why a lot of people stray away.
• 11:36
  I know for me, like I don't need to go to church 'cause last few churches I had went to, especially if they're small, people talk about each other, and I be like, "Is this what we're really here for?" Or, you know what I'm saying?
• 11:49
  And so sometimes I look at it as like some people, I feel, are walking contradictions, which everybody is in a lot of
• 11:57
  Keya: Which everybody is.
• 11:58
  drea: we all have conflicts within our heart and our mind, and so we all, just so I can say, we all are walking contradictions at some point.
• 12:07
  I sometimes feel that you see that sometimes when people hide behind something.
• 12:14
  Keya: Right.
• 12:15
  Um, so to answer your first question, what made me go back?
• 12:20
  I-- Child, I wasn't emotionally ready to go back.
• 12:23
  I, I tell this story, and it's so funny.
• 12:27
  I started having dreams.
• 12:29
  Like, the Lord put on me so heavy that I had to go back 'cause baby, I was sitting in this house chilling, and I did not... I, I didn't care about going back 'cause I was still so angry at everybody but a couple of people in that class.
• 12:49
  And the way I was feeling, everybody could get it because I...
• 12:55
  drea: That's grief.
• 12:56
  Keya: Yeah.
• 12:57
  Yeah.
• 12:58
  drea: lot of things.
• 12:58
  Like
• 12:59
  Keya: A lot of things.
• 13:00
  drea: of anger, you know what I'm saying?
• 13:02
  Keya: Yes.
• 13:03
  Yes.
• 13:03
  And so I did not want to go back.
• 13:08
  What made me go back is the Lord.
• 13:10
  And at the time, I didn't understand it.
• 13:15
  Um, and y'all know, uh, bestie, she goes to class too, but she just was like, "I'm not going back in there.
• 13:25
  I'm not finna look at these people in there." So when I went back even, she was like, "Mm-mm.
• 13:31
  Mm-mm.
• 13:31
  We coulda stayed watching online." Like, so it wasn't a choice that I made.
• 13:37
  It was a choice that the Lord was like, "Nah, go back." And then hi-- looking back now, I see why because it was more of the, "Nah, y'all didn't break me" And look it, the Lord blessed me in spite of, yeah,
• 13:55
  drea: Right
• 13:55
  Keya: the Lord blessed me in spite of everything that y'all tried to do to me.
• 14:00
  Like y'all literally tried to kill me.
• 14:02
  And it's like, oh, okay.
• 14:06
  So then that made them have to face themselves.
• 14:09
  And now when I tell y'all people now even still are like, "Oh, sis," like they're still trying to come around, "Oh, sis," like we good.
• 14:21
  Like we cool.
• 14:22
  Like I... The healing that it took for me, like y'all cool.
• 14:30
  Y- y'all did what y'all did, y'all said what y'all said.
• 14:33
  That's between you and God.
• 14:36
  So, um, now it's n- it's literally back to where I was like when we started going back, um, when we were going through it while I was in the marriage.
• 14:46
  It was just I go to class, I get the word, and I go to choir practice, and I come home.
• 14:54
  'Cause I, I didn't... Baby, y'all will not get the part of me that was so broke down from the lies and everything that y'all were telling up in there.
• 15:11
  I, I ain't got it for you.
• 15:13
  So you gonna get this happy, healthy me.
• 15:17
  drea: I'm proud of you because that takes a lot walk back into something, hold your head up, stand by your belief, you know?
• 15:27
  'cause I'm sure that wasn't easy, know.
• 15:30
  But, um, I'm proud of you for making that step.
• 15:33
  I don't know if I would've went back, but I probably would've been back to prove a point and then not went back again,
• 15:38
  Keya: And I went back.
• 15:40
  drea: but I, you know, I, I commend you.
• 15:42
  I commend you because you stood for what you
• 15:45
  Keya: Thank you.
• 15:46
  drea: wanted to be, and so now you've made it work.
• 15:49
  It's
• 15:49
  Keya: Yeah.
• 15:50
  drea: years, you know what I'm saying?
• 15:51
  And,
• 15:52
  Keya: Absolutely.
• 15:53
  drea: just so some people know, this is we're, we're, kinda talking about what kinda got Keya to her and what, what kinda happened in the midst of things, and how her religion had a play in certain stuff.
• 16:07
  And so, we, we had seen a clip earlier, and we, it, we just kind of felt like it was a, it was a good little topic because so many people, matter what your religion is, sometimes can dictate what your ultimate decision is, um, based on your belief system
• 16:25
  Keya: Yes And I thank you for that, 'cause yeah, girl, it was a lot of hard work, you know?
• 16:30
  Me praying and everything, and all that in between.
• 16:33
  Oh, and then to answer your question about why didn't I go back to the Sunday church is because once I read for myself, like I stated in the beginning when we started talking, once I read for myself, I, I know when I see what I read.
• 16:49
  So I know that w- what I was going off of in the beginning was what people told me, 'cause I didn't really read the Bible.
• 16:57
  Like, did I always believe in God?
• 16:59
  Yes.
• 16:59
  But, like, picking up the Bible as much as I do now and reading and having an understanding, I didn't have back then.
• 17:07
  It was just, "Oh, um, my pastor said," or, "My mama said," or, "My grandma said."
• 17:12
  So even while going through my trial, it was not ever a question of, "Oh, let me fall back to this," because I knew that wasn't right based on what I read.
• 17:26
  So that's why I didn't go back, um, into being a, quote-unquote, "Baptist." That's a whole 'nother story, but yeah, that's why.
• 17:36
  But yeah.
• 17:38
  Thank you.
• 17:38
  It was, it was a journey, and we're here now.
• 17:42
  And ladies, don't let nobody tell you you need to sit in any dysfunction.
• 17:50
  The Bible tells you.
• 17:51
  That's if you're reading the Bible.
• 17:54
  I don't, I don't know about any other Bibles.
• 17:58
  Um, but the Bible does say that you can separate for a time to figure that thing out.
• 18:10
  Do not, do not sit in something unhealthy and unsafe.
• 18:18
  Not, not in the same house.
• 18:20
  I'm not advocating for divorce.
• 18:22
  Never, ever.
• 18:23
  I'm not gonna come in between nobody's marriage.
• 18:25
  But don't sit in the dysfunction.
• 18:29
  drea: think it's important...
• 18:30
  too that when change is not always easy, um, in any situation, and so it takes a minute to be ready to change.
• 18:39
  You have to come up with a plan.
• 18:40
  You have to be ready.
• 18:42
  I think that everybody has their breaking points when they're ready to make a change that's gonna affect them in a whole nother w- uh, type of, you know, that they may not be used to 'cause fears, know, s- fear of the unknown definitely takes a part of things.
• 18:55
  But just remember that change comes when you're actually ready.
• 19:00
  it takes a couple years, and some it takes quicker than others.
• 19:02
  Every- most people have their breaking point
• 19:05
  Vonnie: Yeah, and I
• 19:06
  Keya: Abs-
• 19:07
  Vonnie: the most important is, like you were saying earlier too, Keya, about people losing their lives over this is, and Drea you were saying it too, like get somewhere safe.
• 19:19
  Be safe.
• 19:20
  Make a smart plan.
• 19:21
  It might not be an abrupt exit because that's not the safest thing to do.
• 19:26
  So, um, definitely just plan it out.
• 19:29
  And as Keya was saying, when you were praying and asking for different things In relation to what you were going to do, just sit there in that moment to make out whatever the plan is that's gonna be the safest for you to take care of yourself, right?
• 19:45
  You don't have to, to do any of those things.
• 19:49
  And I feel like talk- going a little bit back to what Drea was saying about being in that room.
• 19:54
  Like I've heard this story just throughout the our time, little bits of it, and I always crack up laughing.
• 20:01
  But I'm wondering how much too is, and this is in religions and without religions, but just the group think aspect.
• 20:10
  Because as you were saying, Drea, some people would maybe try to walk it back, but when you're in there in a group, you don't... It's hard.
• 20:16
  It takes a lot to be the only person saying something different.
• 20:20
  And I think that when you're getting together and you're hearing all of that, it's just easier to pile on, because it's comfortable because everybody's saying the same thing.
• 20:30
  So I, you know, in those cases I would say don't be afraid to, you know, be that lone voice sometimes and, and stand up and saying, "You know what?
• 20:39
  No.
• 20:40
  This isn't right." So
• 20:42
  Keya: It definitely is that 'cause like Drea said, I think like sometimes it felt like yelling into a void, um, with some people and having to stand there and defend, um, yourself that it, it is hard, um, to know that no, I know I'm standing on what's right.
• 21:13
  Um, so the, the women that are going through this and cannot find your voice, I know all of y'all don't have a Drea, y'all don't have a Vonnie, y'all don't have, um, other besties or somebody that, um, can help you with your mental.
• 21:39
  But try to find that strength within to keep yourself safe.
• 21:48
  Like what is it, Drea?
• 21:51
  What'd they say?
• 21:51
  That the most dangerous time for a woman to leave Um, or the most dangerous time in a relationship is when the woman tries to leave.
• 22:05
  Um,
• 22:07
  drea: Yep.
• 22:07
  Keya: you said, come up with that plan.
• 22:09
  Go ahead, Drea.
• 22:09
  drea: and there's, there's, we got the Domestic Violence Coalition.
• 22:13
  People now have Google.
• 22:15
  You
• 22:15
  Keya: Hey,
• 22:15
  drea: up with a safety plan.
• 22:18
  there's different ways to do it, especially if you can't financially do it or you're scared to.
• 22:24
  you gotta leave, you know, phone numbers, you gotta remember phone numbers, so if you gotta leave without your phone.
• 22:29
  know, there's, there's ways to get that help, and we're not saying that every relationship is abusive just 'cause of religion.
• 22:36
  What we're saying is if you start feeling like someone is really trying to take your mind from you, you know, and try to control you, let you have your own thoughts, you know.
• 22:46
  But you definitely have to be strategic 'cause not, not every women make it out.
• 22:51
  Not every man makes it out.
• 22:52
  Like, um, there's men who are abused too, so don't let me just-- Let us not just focus on the women.
• 22:57
  There's-- If you look at statistics, there's a lot of men who are abused.
• 23:01
  It's-- I did a whole research paper on it.
• 23:04
  Um, but it is important to leave when you're ready and have that plan.
• 23:10
  Just hopefully it's not too late.
• 23:13
  Keya: Um, I 100% agree 'cause like you said, not everything is a divorceable offense, and definitely not that, um, believing in God is bad or anything.
• 23:27
  L- like I said, never advocating for divorce.
• 23:32
  We're advocating for safety, and if anyone feels unsafe, get to safety.
• 23:41
  And if things can work out, like Drea said, it takes a plan.
• 23:48
  It takes a willingness on both parts.
• 23:52
  You don't have to sit in dysfunction because God is love He don't want you hurt.
• 24:03
  And all the people that have gotten the advice from this clip-- gotten advice that like this clip has shown, please, please, please, please
• 24:19
  seek help.
• 24:20
  Get to safety because feeling lost and hopeless and desperate and alone is not it.
• 24:30
  It ain't it.
• 24:32
  Vonnie: So just asking, Drea, would you cons- so you said you don't need to go to church.
• 24:38
  Do you consider yourself more spiritual than religious, or how do you categorize yourself in this?
• 24:43
  'Cause I know you've done a lot of research into this.
• 24:46
  drea: a non-denominational church.
• 24:47
  My family, a lot of them are Catholic, but, um My second mother, I grew up going to church with her, got baptized in a non-denominational Christian church, to Arizona, still try to go to church, um, at times.
• 25:08
  but as I started getting older and I was really in, you know, as a social worker, and I started to look at things differently, I would say that I'm more spiritual than I am, like, a particular religion, um, because I've had the
• 25:23
  pleasure of learning about different religions due to, like, my career, so I understand how to help people, um, especially, like, in the, you know, the dying process and stuff in hospice.
• 25:35
  so I would say I'm more spiritual.
• 25:38
  Um, I, I kind of look at Buddhism a lot more just because I'm all about positivity, and a lot of people have their misunderstandings.
• 25:47
  They go, "Oh, you're praying to Buddha," but that's not what it is.
• 25:49
  It's actually all about yourself.
• 25:50
  I started researching that a lot when I started, when I was in college, and I had to practice mindfulness and meditation, um, and stuff like that.
• 25:59
  And mindfulness is a big thing in the Buddhism religion because, you know, you're sending your thoughts and all these things.
• 26:07
  So I would say for me that I am spiritual.
• 26:11
  Am I against going to church and praying to God?
• 26:13
  When people pray, I'll pray with them.
• 26:15
  If they ask me to pray for them, I'll pray for them.
• 26:17
  Like, I'm not incapable and I'm not saying that it's not there.
• 26:21
  I'm just saying for my personal self, I don't wanna go to church, if I, unless I have to.
• 26:28
  Um, I respect everybody's religion.
• 26:31
  Um, I think also looking, I grow- Like, I lived in a neighborhood for some years, and I could not understand how you had a Baptist church, a Christian church, a Pentecostal church all on different corners, all up in the hood.
• 26:46
  But when they did community outreach and they did community cleanup, and they never did it together.
• 26:52
  They never did it together, that really started alarming me.
• 26:56
  And also when people say, "Oh, my religion's better than yours," or, "You need to..." I don't... That don't rock well with me because I feel like I'm a person, I'ma respect everybody's religion because that a lot of people seek religion because they need to be, find somewhere to have hope and release that stress that they have and put it onto something other than themselves.
• 27:18
  And so that is what I've seen in a common ground of any religion.
• 27:23
  Um, there is one that I'm not gonna speak on that I do feel is like a cult, and I'm like, "That's a, that's a no, that's a no." but I still have to respect their religion, too, because there, there's some good people in it.
• 27:33
  But, so for me, the answer is, um, I would say as I've gotten older, I'm more spiritual.
• 27:39
  Um, and yeah, I do love praise and worship when I go to a church.
• 27:44
  That is actually my favorite part, believe it or not.
• 27:47
  I don't always like to hear the word because like I said, sometimes it's interpretation, sometimes it just gets too long, but that's my attention span.
• 27:57
  But yeah, I'm not opposed.
• 27:58
  Like, if I went to Atlanta, I'd go to my cousin and her husband's church and have no problem praying, and if we sit down and pray before we eat, I have no problem with that.
• 28:05
  But, um, yeah.
• 28:08
  Vonnie: Yeah, I was just wondering.
• 28:09
  It seems like, um, you know, when you mentioned Buddhism, that seems right up your alley for all the work you've done, internal and external with your job.
• 28:20
  To me, that made a lot of sense.
• 28:21
  I didn't know that.
• 28:22
  That just made a lot of sense though when you said it.
• 28:25
  drea: Yeah, 'cause that's when I... I mean, I took a religion class in college, right, for humanities credit.
• 28:30
  But, um, it wasn't until I really started doing this job, I was like, over the years, and I really started... You know, 'cause I have to ask people.
• 28:39
  It's part of my job.
• 28:39
  Like, do you have any... Is there anything I need to know about your religion when it comes to death?
• 28:43
  Is there any, um, you know, like, rituals you follow?
• 28:47
  Is there any, you know, how quick do you need to be buried?
• 28:49
  Like, things like that.
• 28:50
  And then I just started learning, like, a little more and more.
• 28:53
  And then like I said, in college studying mindfulness and what religion focuses on that.
• 28:57
  But you look at meditation and prayer as very similar, but people will say they're not.
• 29:02
  But they are, right?
• 29:04
  Just depending on how you use the terms for yourself or what you do.
• 29:09
  'cause I'll, you know... So it's, yeah.
• 29:11
  It, my, my job really kind of curved, and then like I said, living where I did and seeing certain things.
• 29:16
  But learning to respect everybody's.
• 29:18
  I can see some good in each one, and I don't, I don't like to judge just because I'm not gonna be struck down by whatever they believe in 'cause, you know, I'm judging.
• 29:27
  Like, no.
• 29:28
  Everybody has their, you know, every religion has what works for that person, if that makes- Like Keya said, when she got into her, her, um, classes, what fit her soul, right?
• 29:41
  And that she couldn't see herself going other, somewhere else.
• 29:45
  That makes sense, and that's where I started respecting people, 'cause that is what works for them and makes sense for them and their life and what is in their heart and what's put on them
• 29:55
  Vonnie: Yeah, I agree, and I respect people who do their own research, 'cause a lot of us are born into whatever.
• 30:01
  Like you said, as a kid, I think we've all kind of done either what our parents did or what people around did.
• 30:08
  But when you make the choice to do your own research, and if you land where you l- landed as a kid or... that's fine, right?
• 30:17
  But just going off of it, and some people are so, you know, gung ho or really preachy about it, and they haven't really done their own research on it.
• 30:28
  They're just, this religion 'cause I was told to be this religion," not, researched other religions," or, "I've looked into why I believe this and it's still true to me."
• 30:38
  You know?
• 30:39
  So I respect people who go through that journey and come out Um, one side or the other, whatever it is, right?
• 30:45
  So just make your own educated decision that's gonna work for you, like you said, that feeds your soul.
• 30:53
  And at the end of the day, that's what you're doing it for, right?
• 30:57
  Your own salvation.
• 30:58
  You can't save someone else, so I mean,
• 31:02
  drea: Yeah.
• 31:03
  Vonnie: them towards whatever, but you have to make your own choices,
• 31:06
  Keya: Bible says.
• 31:06
  You can't save nobody
• 31:08
  Vonnie: everybody has their own paths too, right?
• 31:10
  I mean, um, you may not know where somebody is being led to, so for you judging them while they're in the middle of wherever, it's not a finish line yet.
• 31:20
  So you really can't.
• 31:22
  That's why I f- I'm always like, "Why are you judging somebody? You don't know why they're being led this way."
• 31:28
  So mind your business.
• 31:30
  drea: Yeah, and, and I think that's what I love about our friendship, is that when you look at it on a religious and spirituality, we all come from different angles but respect one another.
• 31:40
  probably, like, in the middle of you both.
• 31:43
  know what I'm saying?
• 31:43
  When it comes to, like, belief systems, 'cause I kinda sway both back and forth, so.
• 31:49
  But yeah, I think that's what I like, is 'cause we can have these conversations, respect each other, but it doesn't take away the core value of what we all have, which is we all believe in the good.
• 32:00
  We all wanna see good.
• 32:02
  all love one another.
• 32:03
  We don't get up with intent to harm people.
• 32:06
  We, you know, we wanna see
• 32:07
  Vonnie: I
• 32:07
  drea: in mankind, and so I think just our morals and our, our, our foundation of values are all the same.
• 32:15
  It's just we have different,
• 32:16
  Vonnie: I agree.
• 32:21
  Keya: else.
• 32:21
  Your salvation is your own, just like their salvation is their own.
• 32:22
  Facts upon facts.
• 32:24
  Vonnie: This was lovely, ladies.
• 32:26
  Keya: It was.
• 32:27
  drea: 'cause like when I travel, I always gotta put in Keya's Sabbath, okay?
• 32:31
  And we make it work.
• 32:33
  And I don't
• 32:34
  Keya: We definitely do,
• 32:35
  Vonnie: make it work.
• 32:36
  drea: We make it work.
• 32:37
  Keya: that's the one thing I can say.
• 32:39
  Like, I literally just told somebody 'cause they asked me about traveling on the Sabbath or having worldly friends, and I was like, "Y'all don't understand how much my worldly friends, quote-unquote, respect what I do." Like, nobody tries to make me do anything that they know I feel like is against the word of God, and they actually make plans around the Sabbath for me.
• 33:08
  So I 100% appreciate y'all for that 'cause yeah.
• 33:12
  drea: a Friday night in oh, no
• 33:14
  Keya: how long,
• 33:15
  Vonnie: Even when we were on the cruise, she's like,
• 33:18
  Keya: Yeah,
• 33:19
  Vonnie: in the morning," and from sea she's logging into her class. And it was like, "Hey, there's other
• 33:23
  Keya: ain't gonna
• 33:24
  drea: And she was
• 33:24
  Vonnie: let her
• 33:25
  Keya: Yep.
• 33:26
  drea: with us." And I was just like,
• 33:27
  Vonnie: We
• 33:28
  drea: I'll
• 33:28
  Vonnie: were
• 33:32
  Keya: can do that.
• 33:33
  drea: do is read?" Girl, you know I been done fell asleep, honey. She's like, "No," I be like, "Are you... Okay. But where's the..." You know?
• 33:39
  Keya: Yeah,
• 33:40
  drea: it
• 33:40
  Keya: and did not, and it ain't like I told y'all, "Get over here and sit down." So yeah, nah, nope, 100%.
• 33:48
  drea: Keya's way of sh- You know, they say, like, you know, you should tell people, don't know exact words, but, you know, share your religion, let people know or whatever.
• 33:55
  Um, that's how she does it.
• 33:57
  She'll play her thing, and if you wanna be in there and listen, you can.
• 34:00
  If you don't, you don't.
• 34:01
  Just don't interrupt
• 34:02
  Keya: Right.
• 34:03
  drea: Let her do her.
• 34:04
  You know what I'm saying?
• 34:05
  And it was all good.
• 34:07
  Vonnie: like, "We'll walk around." Love
• 34:07
  Keya: And that's definitely all good.
• 34:10
  So I love y'all, for real, for real.
• 34:14
  Vonnie: This conversation definitely went deeper than I think we expected, but I'm glad we had it.
• 34:19
  And honestly, that's kind of what this podcast is anyway, just real conversations, different perspectives, and figuring it out in real time.
• 34:30
  All right.
• 34:30
  We're gonna take the group chat offline for now.
• 34:33
  If you laughed, related, or enjoyed the conversation, make sure you like, subscribe, leave a comment, and share this episode with some of your favorite people.
• 34:42
  Follow us on all socials, and we'll catch you on the next time on What The Group Chat Say.