Latest / What's Your (Least) Favorite Scary Movie? / #314: Santa's Slay (2005) – Tubi or Not to Be

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#314: Santa's Slay (2005) – Tubi or Not to Be · What's Your (Least) Favorite Scary Movie?

0:06
Hello. What's your least favorite scary
0:08
movie? Goldberg.
0:13
Goldberg. Well, the most released very
0:15
scary movie, The Forecast. Are we talking about the goods?
0:18
About the ugly and the absurd and all of our favorite.
0:21
And least. Favorite scary movies?
0:22
Because we believe every horror movie rightfully has its fan
0:24
base even. If we don't always get.
0:26
It my name is Travis. My name is Chelsea and welcome
0:29
back to another live I'm kind of mostly undrawn Bonus episode of
0:33
To Be or Not to Be. This is our monthly series where
0:36
we go into the free streaming services and find what little
0:40
treasures they have to offer us. Yeah, and with it being
0:43
Christmas time and it being my pick, I decided I was going to
0:46
go a little festive this year, pick a little movie that I've
0:50
been wanting to watch for a very long time.
0:52
And we're talking about Santa's Sleigh today, y'all?
0:55
Yeah. But before we do that, do you
0:57
have anything you need to announce?
1:00
Truthfully, I don't. I don't know.
1:02
I don't reckon we have anything to announce this time, you guys.
1:05
My my brain just short wired so. It's OK.
1:08
Yeah. All right.
1:08
Well then, I mean, I'm ready to get into.
1:11
This Let's get into it. OK, cool.
1:13
All right, so Santa Sleigh released October 25th, 2005.
1:19
We watched it on Tubi, but as of December 2025, you can watch it
1:23
on AMC Plus, Stars, Movie Sphere, Plex, and Pluto.
1:29
Or if you would rather rinse it, you can rent it on Prime.
1:32
But why would you do that? There's so many free options.
1:33
Out there, very watchable movie. Yeah.
1:36
Written and directed by David Steinman, music by Henning
1:39
Warner and special effects makeup by Leo Weezer.
1:42
Starring Bill Goldberg as Santa, Douglas Smith as Nicholas.
1:48
Just so you know, this is the the boy from Bye Bye Man.
1:53
Oh yeah, Emily the Ravine as Mary Robert.
1:57
Is from the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.
1:59
I saw that, yeah. I was ready to try a little
2:03
trivia. My information.
2:05
Just seizing some trivia on these actors here.
2:07
I got nothing for this guy Robert Culp as grandpa.
2:10
He looks familiar to me though. I just never looked at his IMDb.
2:13
You should look at his IMDb because it's one of those where
2:16
it's like. Is he that guy?
2:17
It's no like the description. You know how we'd love to read
2:21
Texas Battles bio and I do. His is kind of like that.
2:25
Really. OK.
2:25
It's like, yeah, it's all suave, handsome.
2:28
Hold on, I'm going to read it right here just so we can do
2:31
that. And this is a live episode, so
2:33
in order to do this without having to edit, I have to feel
2:36
some dead air, which involves me talking and babbling a little
2:38
bit like this. And here we are.
2:42
Tall, slim and exceedingly good looking.
2:44
American leading man Robert Culp, a former cartoonist in his
2:48
teen years, appeared Off Broadway in the 1950s before
2:51
settling in the Polish. OK, whatever.
2:52
We don't have to go with all this.
2:54
He's tall, he's slim. He's grandpa.
2:58
The exact opposite energy of Santa, which is correct for the
3:02
movie. Exactly.
3:04
And finally saw Rubnik as Mr. Green.
3:07
OK, all right, time for a favorite game on the show.
3:09
Budget or bug, Ted? Bug Ted.
3:17
I'm going to say yeah, I don't have anything for this.
3:20
Surprisingly, I thought that there would be something, but
3:22
no, there's not anything listed anywhere unless it's on
3:25
Wikipedia. I didn't check Wikipedia.
3:26
Sometimes Wikipedia hasn't, IMDb will not and.
3:30
Now Travis is doing that thing where he's got to fill in the
3:33
silence again as he's looking for stuff, because we're doing
3:35
this live and we're not editing it, which means we don't want a
3:37
bunch of dead air. All right, Travis has the
3:39
Wikipedia page pulled up now. Yeah, OK.
3:42
Oh, God dammit. There's none.
3:43
Oh cool, so that was all for nothing they.
3:45
Don't even have a production section on Wikipedia here so.
3:50
Spoiler for this week's like main schedule episode.
3:55
Hard same. Hard same.
3:56
Hard same. This also has a different
3:59
release date. The release date I had back in
4:01
October was the Canadian premiere, OK.
4:04
It had its DVD release in the United States September 20th,
4:08
which is what it has listed here.
4:09
So I guess, yeah. OK.
4:12
Yeah, I don't have that financial information.
4:13
I don't even have opening box office, but I do have the gross.
4:17
Gross. Yeah.
4:18
Are you? Are you ready for this number?
4:19
I am ready for the number 6000. $982 I thought I was going to.
4:27
Get some cents too, like you had like a look like you were ready
4:30
to say I wish and seven cents. I wish it never gets that
4:34
detailed, unfortunately. OK yeah.
4:36
I can't believe I I just always thought that this was like a
4:39
bigger movie. I didn't realize it kind of
4:41
sounds like it was more of like a direct to DVD type thing, but
4:43
with a small premiere type of deal.
4:45
Yeah. IMDb score though, 5.4, so not
4:49
too shabby. OK.
4:50
For something that's. That's this.
4:53
Yeah. 5.4 is actually surprising to me.
4:56
I expected it to be lower. OK, so I have three other movies
5:00
from 2005 that release. OK, I have a theme and it is
5:05
wrestlers and horror movies. That's a very good theme.
5:08
Yeah, it's it's one of my favorite pipelines, the
5:10
wrestling, the horror pipeline, you.
5:12
Know what? This is actually really funny
5:14
because we were just talking about Gunther being John Cena's
5:19
last match and I said just as long as they don't send John
5:21
Cena out on the same returnment note that they sent Goldberg out
5:24
on. Yeah, I hope not for his sake.
5:27
OK, so the first movie, we've talked about it, you know, on
5:30
the show recently. Well, not the movie itself, but
5:33
this movie, Devil's Rejects, which has shit what's who Is it
5:39
Diamond Dallas in it? Yeah, he's like one of the
5:42
mercenaries that gets hired to take them out.
5:45
Yeah, we went into a whole rabbit hole of looking up how he
5:48
looks today. Yeah, yeah, I was trying to show
5:50
Jesse like he, he wears like real tight skinny jeans now.
5:54
He's got like really tiny legs and it's just kind of, it's not
5:58
what I would expect from a former pro wrestler, but you
6:00
know, he's, he looks like he's doing good, so I'm happy for
6:03
him. That released July 22nd, 2025.
6:05
No, not 20/25/2005 with a 7 Million Budget Worldwide Gross
6:11
20 Million IMDb 6.7. Yeah.
6:14
I'm happy for Rob Zombie that you got 6.7 IMDb.
6:17
Yeah, All right. Movie #2 Doom.
6:20
This features the Rock in it that.
6:24
Oh, sorry, were you about to say something?
6:25
I just feel like The Rock is a really low bar for wrestlers and
6:28
like horror movies. True, it's also.
6:30
Like John Zena all. Right.
6:32
Well, the truth. But he he doesn't normally do
6:36
horror, he normally does action. Which to be fair, this is a
6:39
action horror movie. But yeah, he's more of like a
6:42
action guy that. Released October 21st 2560
6:46
million Budget 58,000,000 Gross 5.2 on IMDb.
6:52
Didn't make its budget back. OK yeah all right.
6:55
And movie #3 You know, sometimes on the show we have to make
6:58
stretches. And this year I.
7:01
Do I need a warm up? Do I need to go ahead and lumber
7:03
up? Some I think that this is going
7:04
to be a very appropriate stretch because it is also a Christmas
7:07
movie, one that we have covered on a previous To Be or Not to be
7:11
The Ginger Dead Man. OK, OK.
7:13
And we don't have an actor exactly in there, but we do have
7:17
one of the characters. I was a professional wrestler
7:20
identity. And he uses his wrestling moves
7:23
to take out the ginger dead man. Do you want to hear another
7:25
funny connection? Yeah, again, spoilers for this
7:28
Thursday, but one of the movies I pulled has Gary Busey's son,
7:33
Jake Busey. Oh yeah, it's one of the lead
7:36
roles. I don't think I've ever seen him
7:38
in anything. Oh, I when I pulled up the
7:40
picture I was like, holy shit, this can't be 2003 because
7:43
that's Gary Busey. He.
7:44
Was exactly like his dad. Well, OK.
7:48
It's like silver bullet like. Yeah, Oh, yeah, yeah.
7:52
So young and Gary, Gary Busey, he was made for two movies, in
7:56
our opinion. He was made for Ginger Dead Man,
7:58
and he was also made for Silver Bullet.
8:00
That was that movie. I think that.
8:03
Movie changed our lives. It was so fucking good I bought
8:07
it on 4K like a couple weeks ago.
8:08
Shout out to Jason and Kendra. I think we're going to go see
8:11
that. Yeah, All right, so Ginger Dead
8:14
Man came out November 8th, 2005. Budget and gross.
8:18
I don't have either of those, but I do have the IMDb.
8:20
It's 3.4. All right, so all.
8:25
Right, so we got some tag lines. Yay.
8:28
I got 2/1 on the poster spreading holiday fear at this
8:32
Christmas. That's, I mean that's.
8:34
Pretty generic for a Christmas horror movie, but I still like
8:36
it. Yeah.
8:37
I mean, both of them are going to be kind of in that camp here.
8:40
The second one is he's making a list.
8:43
Pray you're not on it. I feel like I've heard that for
8:47
other. Well, you'd probably say the
8:50
same for the first one, too. It's, it's kind of uninspired
8:53
stuff, but you know, like, whatever it's, it's not exactly
8:56
an inspired idea for a movie Killer Santa Claus, you know,
9:00
like that's just kind of been done to death already.
9:02
I'm not mad about it. I love that subgenre.
9:06
You know Christmas horror movies, but.
9:08
Yeah, they went, they went really far to give us lore with
9:11
it, including the inception of curling is a sport.
9:15
This movie. Was so Canadian it kind of hurt.
9:17
Yeah, Oh my God, it is super fucking Canadian.
9:20
Like I think the person that plays Mary is super Canadian
9:23
just with the way that she talks like hers is the most like you
9:26
can feel the Canadian OK, so as as we do on to be or not to be,
9:32
we do not do the fun facts. We just go straight into it.
9:35
We. Just go straight into it.
9:36
I think I also say why I picked this movie.
9:38
Yes, before we get into it. So Santa Sleigh's been a movie
9:42
that I've seen around for a long, long time.
9:44
I've always been interested mostly because of Goldberg.
9:46
Goldberg was one of my favorite wrestlers growing up and you
9:51
know, like I I just always wanted to see it, but I've never
9:53
I could never find it anywhere. And not like it's a hard to find
9:56
movie or anything. I've just never seen it and it's
9:58
never been on streaming any year that I've like wanted to watch
10:01
it during Christmas time. And this was like the first year
10:04
I've ever seen it on streaming and it happened to be on Tubi.
10:06
So like this is a, this is the time to do it.
10:08
Yeah, Travis told me this last month.
10:10
He's like, I know what next one Tubi is going.
10:11
To be oh, I knew, yeah, as soon as I saw that and I saw it
10:14
wasn't expiring at the end of the month, I was like, fuck
10:16
yeah. 'Cause I kind of had a moment
10:17
where I was like, we're going to be really busy in December, do
10:19
we want to meet? And he was like, we're doing TV
10:21
or not to be. We have to, yeah.
10:24
No, I'm so happy though. I'm so happy that I finally got
10:28
to watch this movie. It's been a long time coming and
10:30
I'm ready to talk about it too. So let's get into it and you
10:34
kick it off since I picked. So what did you like about the
10:37
movie? I thought it was.
10:39
It's kind of a really fun, like I said to you after we watched
10:43
this, that it feels like this movie walks that way.
10:45
Violent Night could run. Yeah.
10:47
Yeah. Like you said, the premise isn't
10:49
exactly like a new thing, but I think the way that both movies
10:52
did it was very similar. Yeah, they had similar
10:55
approaches for sure. Yeah, and I, I thought it was
10:57
just like a lot of fun little winks and nods to the religious
11:01
holidays in general. I was reading something online
11:05
and all of the actors in the opening scene are Jewish.
11:07
I think most of the people in the movie are Jewish like, and I
11:11
think they even like do a little bit of stuff with Judaism
11:13
because oh. They definitely acknowledge it
11:15
with Mr. Green and his delegates.
11:16
Menorah, is that what you call this thing?
11:18
Yeah. And also when he, like, walks by
11:21
like a group of Jewish people. Goldberg is also Jewish too.
11:24
OK, yeah. So I, I there's, there's a like
11:26
a lot of little like we think and things like that.
11:30
And I think it the fact that they named French rescue
11:35
Virginia just so that way Goldberg could be, yes, Virginia
11:40
Santa Claus is real. Is that a reference to
11:42
something? Yeah, the the It's a Wonderful
11:46
life. Oh, I've never seen that.
11:50
It's. Depressing.
11:52
Yeah. Yeah, I know, I know.
11:54
Depressed. It's like, yeah, it was like,
11:55
it's a holiday classic. I'm like, is that a man?
11:58
About to commit suicide. Yeah.
11:59
I mean, I it's one of those movies that's like, you know,
12:01
everybody knows the movie has been done to death on like
12:05
variations. Yeah.
12:06
And then like, I mean, I get it, Seasonal depression club, say
12:10
what's up? But, you know, it's just like,
12:14
you know, I really need to see that.
12:15
Yeah, more, more feel good movies.
12:17
And if it is going to be like a, you know, dying stuff like have
12:19
it something like this where it's at least fun.
12:21
Yeah, exactly. I agree with you there.
12:24
And I, I liked the grandpa being a little bit, like, wacky.
12:31
Yeah, but like, also real. And then, like I said, this is
12:37
like, I made a joke in my notes. And I was like, oh, an Angel
12:41
made a bet with Santa and also invented curling.
12:44
And then we found out, like, no, he actually literally didn't.
12:46
Yeah. I was like, oh, that joke wasn't
12:49
as clever as I thought it. Was Yeah, it's funny.
12:52
So yeah, I thought it was. I thought it was a fun time.
12:55
OK. Yeah, I agree with a lot of what
12:57
you said right there. Like I just, I love that this
13:01
movie is absolutely not serious in any of its presentation.
13:07
It doesn't even attempt to pretend to be.
13:11
But I love the over to the topness with it.
13:14
I love how violent it is. Like Goldberg, I think it does
13:19
an amazing job in this type of role here.
13:22
It's just cracking 1 liners and he's like, you know, he's just
13:25
he's he does a pretty he's got a pretty good screen presence, I
13:28
would say. Like I'm surprised he's he
13:30
didn't do more movies, but maybe it's because this movie didn't
13:33
exactly do super well. I don't know.
13:36
But I I love the characters too. Like I liked him.
13:39
I liked how everything was just wacky.
13:44
I, I really liked the presentation of the, the like
13:51
they tried to do homages to old movies through and through and
13:54
they did the Rudolph type claymation thing to illustrate
13:59
the origin story of how he became like good for 1000 years
14:02
and stuff like that. And I thought that that was
14:04
awesome. That was way more effort than I
14:05
expected them to put in this movie.
14:07
Yeah. It was really cool.
14:09
But like, yeah, I mean, this movie is just like, it's just
14:12
fun. It's just like fun cheese.
14:14
Like turn your brain off. Like if you want to watch some
14:16
dumb Christmas like horror movie, this is perfect for you
14:19
right here. And it doesn't go out of its way
14:21
to explain every little thing. Like, we get enough stuff and
14:25
like, that's fine. That's all we need.
14:27
This isn't a movie that you're meant to think too hard about.
14:29
Yeah, no, it's not meant to really have any thought to it.
14:33
For the most part. It's just like, I don't know, I
14:35
get it. It's just meant to be fun.
14:37
You just enjoy it, sit down and watch it.
14:39
All right? What did you know like about?
14:44
It the I don't know if it was an issue with the movie's pacing or
14:47
because we were watching it on TV and we had an ad break
14:50
literally every 10 minutes, but it felt like the movie was
14:53
dragging. And that's not it might not be
14:56
the fault of the movie. It's hard to say the.
14:58
Movie is incredibly short. It's an hour and 18 minutes.
15:00
Yes. And it felt like so much longer.
15:02
But again, that's because we're getting 2 minute ads every 10
15:05
minutes. Yeah, and if you watch it on
15:07
something, maybe not on TV because there are better options
15:10
for that out there if you want to stream it somewhere.
15:12
Yeah. And so that's not 100% its
15:15
fault, but like then when I think about it like that opening
15:17
scene was great that. Was my favorite part.
15:19
I wanted them to keep up that momentum.
15:21
But also, you can't stay at a peak the entire time.
15:25
You have to have dips and you have to have peaks and valleys.
15:29
Yeah. So I maybe I'd have a different
15:33
take on it, watching it uninterrupted, but that did kind
15:36
of Take Me Out of it some. But we still get like those
15:38
really intense moments like, and all of the kills are like, it
15:43
doesn't get repetitive because he does different ways of doing
15:46
it. And I like that we have like
15:48
gift grenades and things like that.
15:50
Yeah, yeah. But it's just kind of, it felt
15:53
like maybe there were a couple of parts that could have been
15:55
tightened up. Yeah, OK.
15:58
Yeah, For me, it's I like the whole thing.
16:01
I don't need much explanation for what's going on here.
16:05
We know Santa's bad. Santa.
16:07
Yeah, he's just people saying. We're there.
16:10
The movie starts with him just coming down the chimney and
16:12
slaughtering an entire family, and that's cool, I love that.
16:15
But it felt like with him, they didn't try to string together a
16:21
like a plot or reasoning for some of his stuff.
16:23
Like it would just be like, and then the next scene he's here
16:26
with this person and he does is like, it would have been nice to
16:29
have some like threads and like, you know, some connections made
16:33
to things and reasonings for him doing exactly what he's doing.
16:36
But he's just kind of like mindlessly going around and it's
16:39
just this one town. I will say, though, that this is
16:41
one of those movies that those random side character like
16:44
cannon fodder types do feel a little bit more deliberate.
16:50
Yeah, like we got the grumpy old bitch at the beginning in the
16:53
deli and you know what? She's a bitch.
16:56
She's a bitch. And like, we follow her and I'm
17:00
like, I can tell she's not going to be the main character because
17:03
she's not giving main character energy.
17:05
But, you know, we kind of got like, OK, well, he's targeting
17:09
naughty people, but then he also starts targeting nice people.
17:11
So like everybody we're seeing has relevance of some sort.
17:14
So I appreciated that because a lot of times in these lower
17:18
budget horror movies, you'll see these characters that are just
17:21
introduced. Like we don't have a sense of
17:23
who they are as a person, why they're there, what their name
17:25
is. They're just there to up the
17:26
body count. Yeah.
17:28
Like here we've got, we've got carolers, we've got skeet
17:32
shooters that are just like out and about.
17:34
We've got people mugging. Like all of them make sense for
17:37
why they interact with Santa the way they do.
17:39
Yeah, OK. What do you have for ugly?
17:45
The way the whole towns don't mean to grandpa, like, yeah, we
17:50
like everybody's. And here's the thing that's so
17:53
fucked up about it is we don't actually hear the full extent of
17:56
the rumors. The whole town knows about him.
17:58
It's just like, oh crazy grandpa crazy.
18:00
Grandpa, he's like some kind of inventor type thing where like
18:03
he's unhinged and I I guess he's like obsessed with Santa.
18:07
Yeah. So like people he's been.
18:09
Trying to warn people about Santa because this is like the
18:12
year he his bets off. So I was just in.
18:18
Grandpa had a good heart. I mean, he was a literal fucking
18:21
Angel. Yeah.
18:23
He was a sweetheart and an Angel.
18:27
Just like Dalia, yeah. Exactly.
18:30
Yeah. Ugly for me.
18:32
God, I I don't know. It's hard to pick.
18:38
I hated that he took out Mr. Green.
18:39
Mr. Green was a nice boss. Yeah, he did.
18:42
He got the Goldberg spear. He did.
18:45
He was the only one that got the Goldberg spear and he was the
18:47
nicest fucking guy in this entire.
18:49
Movie The deli counter too like. Glass shards included and like.
18:53
I thought it was really nice. Mr. Green doesn't celebrate
18:55
Chris as his employees do. He got them gifts.
18:57
The gifts don't make sense for them but he's like, it's the
19:00
it's literally the thought that counts.
19:03
Yeah, and like when they left, he's like, OK, and now I'll just
19:06
get my Jewish stuff out. Like you know, I will celebrate
19:08
my holiday now. It really just felt like he was
19:12
trying to think of practical gifts that he thought like he
19:16
was like, this is the thing I would enjoy.
19:18
I see a little bit of myself in these kids.
19:20
I wanna give them. So like Mack just has that
19:23
random Wisconsin snow globe. And the thing he gives Nicholas
19:29
does help. Him.
19:30
Yeah, it has plot relevance. Yeah, yeah.
19:33
OK, absurd. I did not understand until maybe
19:39
like halfway through the movie that Nicholas and Mack were
19:43
like. A thing.
19:45
A thing because they were not giving those vibes.
19:49
Not at first, yeah. When she came over, I thought it
19:50
was more like she was into him and he was not like, you know,
19:54
like he was maybe into her, but he like they just hadn't really
19:57
discussed anything yet. Yeah, but it seemed like she, it
20:01
seemed like she willed that whole relationship for them.
20:06
Like he was OK for it to not be a thing.
20:08
But she was like, we're a couple and he was like, I guess.
20:12
That's kind of how it felt to me.
20:13
Very Corian Topanga, my absurds. Which is appropriate with a
20:19
wrestling movie? Oh yeah, you're right.
20:21
Surprisingly, Topanga, a big wrestler, Yeah, we're not
20:24
wrestler wrestling person out there.
20:27
I just like probably that entire interesting.
20:31
Like we get some great just like people there just to kill off.
20:35
Like we get Rebecca Gayhart, we get Chris Katan, we get.
20:39
Friend rusher. Friend rusher we get.
20:41
Who's the guy? The dad there, he was somebody
20:44
that I'm aware of, but I'd never knew his name.
20:48
Yeah, it's this is an opening bit that if it was just in a
20:53
Christmas anthology movie, I would like watch this scene 100
20:58
times, you know? Yeah, like I, I just, I loved it
21:01
so much. But like, just the everything
21:03
that was going on in that scene was just, it was ridiculous.
21:07
Can I add something else? The amount of thought they put
21:10
into the stage names for the dancers at at the strip club.
21:16
Yeah, yeah. OK.
21:19
So that guy, the dad, James Kahn, who is James?
21:21
Kahn. James Kahn, the guy from Misery.
21:25
Yeah. And Elf and Elf.
21:26
Yeah. That's why I was like, who the
21:27
fuck? I know that guy.
21:29
He's in a movie that I've watched not that long ago.
21:30
OK, OK, cool. Yeah.
21:33
I just love that. It was just so fun.
21:34
It was like the whole, like, it felt like the entire thing was
21:38
like a whole wink and nod to everybody.
21:40
These are people you know, and this is like like, let's have
21:44
fun here. We're having fun.
21:45
It was a good tone setter. We.
21:47
Have a rule in our house, it's a drinking game rule.
21:50
And the rule is just Rebecca Gayhart.
21:53
And you interpret that, however you need to interpret that.
21:56
Yeah. So it's always exciting when she
21:58
pops up on the screen. Yeah, exactly.
22:01
OK, well, let's rate it. What do you rate this thing?
22:03
I think I'm gonna give this A7. OK, Yeah.
22:07
Yeah, I think I'm I think I'm there with you. 7 OK, this is a
22:12
fun time. Jackpot.
22:15
Hey, jackpot with money. We winning.
22:19
OK, OK. All right, let's do this.
22:21
All right. So we start off with this
22:26
fantastic Turkey dinner scene with like a bunch of
22:30
dysfunctional spoiled assholes and Fran Dresser looking
22:35
snatched in her dress. We get like a Chris Catan is
22:41
trying to like, do some sexy stuff under the dinner table
22:45
with his girlfriend. I mean, he was.
22:47
Did you see friend dress shirt in that dress?
22:49
Yes, James Con was not having it.
22:53
No, Rebecca Gayhart is her, His brother, his sister.
22:59
God, I don't know. I don't fucking know.
23:00
They're all just there. They're having Christmas dinner.
23:02
It's getting tense. Apparently, the Turkey's dry
23:05
every year. Yeah, they're, they're just kind
23:07
of like bickering back and forth.
23:08
And then as that's all going down, we just see Santa drop,
23:11
drop from the chimney. And then he just like, starts
23:14
killing people. He starts it off by taking their
23:16
little tiny dog and punting him. Listen, Talia was on a sedative
23:22
because she's had a rough week, and that was probably for the
23:25
best. Yeah, she wasn't like she was
23:27
not going to be watching. Yeah, and yeah, I like this.
23:31
Like he just, this whole scene was amazing the way it's done.
23:34
Like he just, I don't even remember everything that he
23:37
does. I was trying to write down
23:39
everything. That me too, but it's so.
23:40
Much happened, I was like I eventually just want dot dot dot
23:44
just annihilate. Yeah, like he like took the
23:46
forks and it was really well shot.
23:48
Yeah, it's. Just it was, it was fun.
23:50
Seriously, just if you don't even want to watch the whole
23:52
movie, at least watch the first scene.
23:53
Again, it's probably on YouTube if you had to search it.
23:55
Yeah. Then we cut to Hell Township.
23:58
Christmas Eve. We see a grumpy asshole at a
24:02
deli. She's just.
24:05
I don't even remember what she was being mad about.
24:07
She was mad at Nicholas. She's old and it's everybody
24:11
else's problem. Yeah, she's just one.
24:13
Of those like she's lived too long and she's taking it out,
24:16
all the people around her. Yeah, she starts bickering at
24:19
Nicholas, and then Mr. Green, the boss, steps in to try and
24:23
smooth things over. And you're not going to smooth
24:25
things over with this person. She's just well and.
24:27
She's one of those and she's like, say Merry Christmas, it's
24:30
Christmas and I'm like, you are in a Jewish man's death.
24:34
Yeah, right. Like.
24:36
You have anecdotal evidence right in front of you that not
24:40
everyone celebrates. Christmas, Yeah.
24:43
But that's it's the same as like those people online.
24:46
Or on Christmas. Yeah, it's exactly Oh, Starbucks
24:50
isn't doing like their Christmas classes as you are.
24:52
It's more. How dare you call it Xmas.
24:55
Everybody fucking knows what Xmas this means, OK?
24:57
Don't get butt hurt over. That Listen, in less than 1000
25:00
years, that's gonna be the official pronunciation.
25:02
That's true, Futurama said. So that means it's true, yeah.
25:05
And. Like we listen, Matt Graining
25:07
might actually be able to predict the future if we look at
25:10
He's got the entire runs of The Simpsons.
25:12
Matt Graining may be this generation's Nostradamus.
25:16
It's people are saying we're people.
25:19
People are talking. Yeah, and on the way out, she
25:22
she calls Mary like a squat just for wiping down the windows.
25:25
Like I just don't even get the thought process.
25:28
Holy sluts use Windows. Yeah, because she wants to be
25:32
seen through the windows. How scandalous.
25:36
So then Mr. Green, he's like, hey, you guys can go home now.
25:40
No. Wait, hold on, we see the lady
25:42
drive. Off Oh, that's that happened
25:43
then. Yeah, she's trying to smoke in
25:45
her car and she's like just leaving.
25:48
Around yeah I thought this was funny because like it's also
25:50
like you know the old driver is just should not be driving but.
25:53
We have had to call some call like the police on somebody like
25:57
the helmet Interstate because they almost veered into her lane
25:59
like 3 times. Yeah, yeah, it's scary stuff.
26:02
Yeah, and Santa is behind her and he's getting pissed off at
26:05
her terrible driving and he. Honks at her and gives him the
26:09
finger. So he has this one reindeer and
26:13
it reminds me of, I think it's name is UPA from not UPA, UPS
26:17
from Dragon Ball. It no, it might be UPA.
26:20
I don't know. Like it's the big thing that Ink
26:23
rides in Avatar the Last Airbender.
26:26
Do you know what I'm talking about?
26:30
You never. You don't even have to see it.
26:32
It's the big. Fucking yeah.
26:33
I know what you're talking about, but I can't tell you what
26:34
it's name is. That was much more a Carolyn
26:37
show than it was me. So it was that like I caught
26:40
background of it when she had it on.
26:42
OK, well either way, that's all I that's just one and only
26:45
reindeer for the most part, and it's just this beast and it
26:48
catches up, gets right beside her, and Rams are off the road.
26:53
I don't know what reindeer look like, but I feel like they don't
26:55
look like Buffalo. They don't.
26:57
No, I don't. I don't even.
26:58
It's not even Rudolph. It's just like and a Buffalo.
27:01
Her. Yeah.
27:05
Yeah, now Mr. Green is giving out Christmas presents.
27:07
She's dead by. The way, yeah, she's dead.
27:08
She's. Dead time.
27:09
She's an asshole though. Soon, Yeah, we're OK with it.
27:12
That's the asshole tax in horror, maybe.
27:13
Exactly. Yeah, that was that was some
27:15
good fodder right there. So, yeah, Mr. Greens giving out
27:18
the gifts and he's sending them home.
27:20
He gives Mary the snow globe. Yeah, it's a Wisconsin 1.
27:24
He gave her one from a different state last year.
27:26
He's like, I know you like that one so much.
27:28
And she's like, yeah. And he gives Nicholas a clock
27:32
that tells you what time it is in all the time zones, which
27:35
would be great if you worked on like Wall Street.
27:38
Yeah. Right, international clients.
27:40
But I also see he's like, he's grandpa's grandson, so maybe I
27:45
think he's. Got interest in?
27:47
In the weird wacky shit that seems like the type of thing
27:49
that Grandpa Nicholas and folks would like to enjoy.
27:53
Maybe. That is the type of thing that
27:56
if an older mentor type figure gave it to me, I would cherish
28:01
it cuz I'm like, they think that this is something that's
28:04
important to me and you know what Maybe I'll learn something
28:07
about where the different times. Yeah, it's it's.
28:10
The thought the kids type thing right there.
28:11
I like it and they seem grateful enough these they seem like good
28:15
kids. So Mac drives Nicholas home and
28:18
he just talks about how he's never really in the Christmas
28:20
period. He's like, why should I even act
28:22
like it when you know all I ever want is a transformer and said I
28:25
get a mini bake oven. Keep keep a reminder.
28:28
Those lines are important. Also, it may get a little bit
28:31
confusing here because she's Mary and Mac Mac sued Nicholas,
28:35
but Mary is also her name, Mackenzie.
28:37
'S her last name. Yeah, Mackenzie's her last name.
28:39
I wrote Mac just because it was the first name I heard for her,
28:44
so that's what I put down for her and he turned into Nick in
28:47
my notes pretty quickly. Plus also like those names.
28:50
That's the Hallmark Christmas movie drinking game.
28:53
Any Christmas themed name? Holly, Nicholas, Mary.
28:58
Yeah, things like that. So she drops him off.
29:01
He has this whole complex squawk mechanism to get into his house.
29:06
There's like one thing where he has to like, it's like a sensor.
29:10
Yeah, I don't know. Like there's all kinds of like,
29:12
it's like a hidden under a rock thing, but there's like there's
29:15
a trick to it all. Listen.
29:16
Though I'm just saying if somebody's that paranoid about
29:19
the locks of their house, they're also not leaving the
29:21
keys under. Under a.
29:23
Rocks. Yeah.
29:24
Under porch Rocks, Yeah, it's too obvious.
29:27
But The thing is like he made it more complicated than your
29:30
average. Like just twist the key and
29:33
enter type thing. So there's that at least.
29:35
There is that, but I don't know if somebody was dedicated enough
29:38
they could they could get, they could realistically stake out
29:42
the house and watch the sequence.
29:43
Yeah, or if you're Santa Claus, it's not even going to be.
29:45
Necessarily. Yeah, so Nicholas enters and
29:49
he's hollering for Grandpa, but grandpa's not answering.
29:52
Yeah, and then the power goes out, so he goes down to the
29:54
basement to reset the breaker. And then grandpa jump scare.
29:58
He's been on an eventing binge. He's got a Nutcracker that is
30:02
very violent and he also has a bunker.
30:05
Yeah, he's like, I was in the bunker and the white bulb went
30:08
out down there, so I'm just. He's like, and I don't know,
30:11
it's been so long since I was in there.
30:12
I didn't know if it was in the on or off position so I had to
30:14
cut the circuit just to be safe either way.
30:17
It seemed like Nicholas wasn't aware that a bunker existed.
30:20
Yeah. He just casually dropped.
30:22
Yeah, I got a bunker. Yeah.
30:25
Ohh, bet you think your grandpa was pretty cool now don't you?
30:29
Yeah, that Nutcracker, like he's like Nicholas just picks it up
30:32
and accidentally like does the little Nutcracker thing that
30:34
everybody does to make him like, chomp their teeth, but it causes
30:37
it to shoot like this blast that bounces everywhere.
30:39
Yeah, we have a quick cut to a mugger trying to mug Santa and
30:45
he gets tossed in the dumpster. Yeah, that's a dumb move.
30:49
And this is just one of the scenes I was talking about
30:51
before, where like before we saw Santa run that old woman off the
30:54
road, now we see somebody holding a knife to his neck.
30:57
And like immediately it's just like, it's just weird.
30:59
Like there was what? Where are the dots to connect
31:03
this? Yeah, Grandpa tells Nicholas he
31:06
needs to tell them the truth about Christmas.
31:07
And Nicholas is like, I already know Santa's not real.
31:10
And grandpa's like, oh, he is though.
31:12
We we need, that's what we need to talk about.
31:14
So he brings out the book of Klaus that is their their
31:17
family's book. It's been in their family for
31:18
generations. And he starts to read it in
31:21
Norse. And Nicholas says English,
31:24
please. And he goes, Nicholas, if you
31:26
don't ever use your Norse, you're going to forget how to
31:29
speak it or read it. And he says this like it's a
31:32
given fact. And at first I thought this was
31:33
like a funny offhand joke, but later Nicholas will just read
31:36
from the book on his own. Yeah, Yeah.
31:38
I think that's cool. So I'd be, you know, I would, I
31:41
would want to use that stuff too dull.
31:44
Bilingual. Bilingual.
31:46
That's it. Yeah.
31:47
So Jesus, as we know, was the result of Immaculate Conception
31:51
between God and the Virgin Mary, but Satan is the Immaculate
31:54
Conception between Satan and the Virgin Erica.
31:58
Satan birth himself, no. Satan, not Santa.
32:03
You said Satan two times. Oh, Santa, not Satan, Jesse.
32:09
Yeah, you know what I mean. I didn't actually.
32:11
I was like, Dandy. He actually gave birth to
32:13
himself. He might you brush up on your
32:16
nose. Jesse yeah, I guess so.
32:18
There's an annual day of murder and mayhem.
32:22
And then of course Christianity took over and they had a a Mass
32:26
for Christ in the winter, which came to be known as Christmas.
32:31
Mac interrupts. She brings by some fresh
32:33
Wolverine. Her dad I guess is part of a
32:35
hunting club and they went out hunting.
32:37
Yeah, it's just like dead Wolverine.
32:39
Yeah, it was implied that it had been cooked.
32:42
Yeah, that's what I thought. And then grandpa like pulls back
32:44
the tinfoil and it's just like a dead Wolverine, so.
32:47
Grandpa is just like so kind he doesn't make any kind of a
32:51
disgusted face like. I'll eat this, Yes, for sure.
32:56
Yeah, and she gives Nicholas a gift.
32:59
And at first he's like, really? You got me a gun.
33:01
I thought that that was fucking crazy.
33:03
Yeah, Open a gun and she's like, yeah, I got you a gun.
33:06
I'm. Calling shenanigans on this
33:07
because she transforms it into a transformer really quick.
33:11
Our nephews got Transformers last year.
33:13
Everybody gave up trying to twist those things except for
33:16
me. You need like a fucking team of
33:19
yeah, like smarter adults than us to get that shit going.
33:23
And we had Jesse on our team. OK, Jesse's usually really good
33:25
at that, but like we, we fucking could not do it.
33:29
Instructions are like those impossible origami instructions.
33:33
Yeah, it was. You're like, I don't know how to
33:35
make this match the picture. It was just too complex.
33:38
But yeah, she just effortlessly takes this gun.
33:41
You know what anybody from Hasbro is that who does
33:44
Transformers? Yes.
33:46
Put your instructions in color. That helps so much.
33:49
Multi billion dollar corporation?
33:51
Yeah, spend a little on colored printer ink.
33:55
It would also be cool. I mean, now you can just give
33:57
AQR code to a video tutorial, you know, do something like that
34:01
too. I'm I'm a person that like, I
34:04
generally like to look at the instructions as much as I can,
34:08
but if I get stuck, that's when I'll go to a video.
34:10
Videos are my fucking friend with that stuff.
34:13
I need a video a lot of times. As well, because for me, I'm,
34:17
I'm a very visual learner, so sometimes I need that breakdown
34:20
like I need it in front of me. So I need to see the picture.
34:24
Yeah. And it's easier for me to do
34:25
that than it is to follow along with a video.
34:28
I got you. I just see.
34:29
I need to see it happen. Yeah, I'm one that's like I
34:31
replicate. OK, OK.
34:34
She she turns a gun into she turns a gun into Optimus Prime,
34:38
but not Optimus Prime, just a Transformer.
34:43
It would have been cool if it was a functioning gun, too.
34:46
That would have been like in line with this movie.
34:49
I was trying to think of like the Walmart version of it,
34:53
except I should have said pessimist prime but instead my
34:56
brain went like optimist multiplicant.
35:03
Yes, yes, OK, so we we now see a preacher.
35:10
Pastor Tim. Yeah, he's at a strip.
35:13
Well, he's given a sermon for Christmas.
35:15
Eve, he's collecting the tithings and he's saying the
35:18
poor need dollar bills, y'all? Dollar, Dollar.
35:21
Bills y'all don't throw them fucking pennies in there.
35:24
Those pennies are going to be gone within two decades.
35:27
I'm sorry, is that too soon for everybody?
35:29
Jesus. Yeah, well, that is a weird
35:32
thing to see that the pennies are phasing out.
35:34
We were at Burger King the other night and it's like, say goodbye
35:37
to the penny. I'm like, there's probably so
35:39
shit telling pennies in circulation, right?
35:41
Somebody at 5 below who dropped his change and one of them was a
35:44
penny. And I almost would be like, Sir,
35:46
Sir, that's valuable now. Yeah, that is a collectible for
35:50
sure. Yeah.
35:52
So apparently Jesus likes to make it rain.
35:54
So you need to give dollar bills.
35:56
And in this case, it's not Jesus that likes to make it rain.
35:59
This is the priest. The priest.
36:00
Yeah, the priest. Well cuz he also bribes the
36:03
balancer to make sure nobody knows he's there.
36:05
Yeah, yeah, he goes to the strip club, Yeah.
36:09
And he's just having a good time there.
36:11
The strip club is called Gold Diggers.
36:14
Also Goldberg gold diggers. Yep, Santa pulls up, kills the
36:19
bouncer, starts to fight inside, wins the fight inside.
36:23
He wins office fights. It's a is a really intense.
36:28
Oh, that is who. OK, so the valet that took the
36:31
sled. Yeah.
36:33
You were looking him up because you thought I thought it.
36:35
Was Roddy Piper. I did not think that, but I
36:37
could not remember the name of who I thought it was and it just
36:39
came to me. He looks like Danny Bonaducci.
36:42
Danny Bonaduce. What is that name?
36:47
That sounds like a fucking imaginary friend.
36:51
Not. Danny Pontaducci Whoa, it kind
36:57
of does look like just a more beefed up version of.
37:00
Him, yeah. So maybe he's the the unholy.
37:07
It's just take Roddy and Rowdy Piper and Mash.
37:10
It with Danny. Pontaducci almost gone.
37:13
Randy he was. He's a member of the Party
37:16
Partridge family. And the reason I remember that
37:18
is because I want to say it was Taking Back Sunday did their own
37:21
version like a cover of 12 Days of Christmas when we were in
37:24
high school. Me and my friends loved it.
37:26
And instead of saying a Partridge in a pear tree, they
37:28
were like, well, Danny Boducci, the Partridge.
37:30
It was always Anna Danny Boducci.
37:36
I like that version more. Oh man, we've had a weird day.
37:41
We've had a weird weekend. So you're, you're getting us in
37:44
rare form this this week. It's not even the coffee this
37:46
time. No, it's not.
37:50
So yeah, Santa just fucks them all up and then he looks at the
37:54
strippers cuz they're naked. He's like naughty.
37:58
Punish. I feel like it's what you want.
38:00
It is. You want naughty strippers?
38:01
Come on. But he is there to punish the
38:04
naughty, so he burns the place down.
38:05
Yep, Grandpa goes to bed because like, they're all sitting up
38:09
watching something together and he's he's kind of trying to wing
38:12
man Nicholas, but Nicholas fumbles hard.
38:15
Yeah, he's like, well, you guys can have the whole house to
38:18
yourself. I'm going to the bunker.
38:21
And Mac, well-intentioned, says thank you.
38:26
Merry Christmas out of reflex because she's had assholes like
38:32
that one at the deli. They're like say Merry
38:34
Christmas, but grandpa doesn't, doesn't celebrate Christmas.
38:39
And so she apologizes to Nicholas and he was like, you
38:44
think he's crazy just like the rest of the town.
38:46
She goes no, but like, you know, you might be a little odd.
38:49
And then Nicholas projects hard. Yeah.
38:54
Like, he's like, you know what I think is odd?
38:56
I think odd is being in the Gun of the Month club.
38:58
I think odd is going out and shooting random wildlife and,
39:01
like, very clearly just, like, taking out his frustrations on
39:05
her. Yeah.
39:05
Yeah. And so she's, like, cool.
39:07
When you're ready for a more mature relationship, you have my
39:09
number. And that's when we're they're
39:11
together. In a relationship.
39:12
Yeah, again, I think that she was like, we're in a
39:15
relationship. Like this is it?
39:17
You're my boyfriend, I'm your girlfriend.
39:19
He's like. That makes me think that maybe
39:21
they were in the same kindergarten class and she
39:22
decided that Then again, very Corian to Panga.
39:25
Yeah. So.
39:27
Yeah, so she storms off. We now see.
39:33
What the fuck? Nick goes back to the book of
39:35
class because he wants to finish here.
39:37
Like reading about the story. So basically an Angel.
39:40
An Angel saw Santa on one of his days of murder, and Santa and
39:48
the elves were like fishing. So he the Angel isn't like the
39:51
body of a man in disguise challenges him to curling,
39:57
basically. So whoever wins, like the stakes
40:01
were that if the Angel wins, that Santa has to make the day
40:06
of murder a day of Glee for 1000 years.
40:08
Yeah, it's like a they have one of the fishing holes on the ice
40:11
and they like, they curl it, they push the disc and the
40:15
person that gets it closest to almost falling in but still on
40:19
the ice wins. And Santa was first.
40:22
Also dumb of him to only make it 1000 years.
40:27
Yeah. Like that, I mean that's going
40:29
to end in 1000 years in the like in the the life the span of
40:33
eternity that these fuckers live in. 1000 years is like a day for
40:36
us. I think based on their
40:38
conversation that they have when they meet up is that he thought
40:41
Santa would see over 1000 years that a day of Glee was much
40:45
better than a day of murder. Because you know, Angel is
40:49
always on the trusting side. That's.
40:50
True, they're too good for you're gonna learn good.
40:53
So Santa goes 1st and he gets a close but the Angel is like a
40:59
fucking dirty play and he shoves his into Santa is causing it to
41:03
fall into the hole. I will say though, you have to
41:07
do it just right to make sure that yours doesn't also go in.
41:11
It's tough and also like it's fair game on.
41:14
The 8 ball. It's fair game because it's also
41:16
like cornhole where like you can knock the other people's shit
41:18
off the board if you like strategize.
41:21
Yeah, so he wins and Santa's got to be good for 1000 years.
41:25
Yeah, and Santa was tricked because he didn't realize that
41:27
it was an Angel. He was like no man can beat me
41:29
in this Christmas Day. We see Santa destroying A
41:32
nativity scene. We see kids being really greedy
41:36
and foul mouthed with their gifts so their heads get.
41:38
Can we open our fucking presents?
41:40
The family's cool with us. Like yes, yes, go ahead.
41:43
Yeah, and then when their heads blow off, one of them goes oh
41:45
shit. Yeah, yeah.
41:47
I was actually a little bit surprised that they killed kids
41:49
in this movie. But like, they get their heads
41:51
blown off. Two kids did.
41:53
I feel like those kids had to have been excited, like, yeah,
41:55
yeah. I would have been if I would
41:57
have been. Who knows?
41:58
So the pastor is praying for the dancers that were killed and
42:02
he's like reading off their stage names.
42:04
So it's really funny. Santa breaks into the deli and
42:10
Spears Mr. Green to the display case and then stabs into the
42:13
wall Michael Myers style with the menorah.
42:16
Mr. Green was like, you went to the wrong deli today, buddy.
42:19
And I thought he was going to get a gun, but no, he has just
42:22
like rocks on his thing and he's just throwing them at him and
42:24
he's like, this is what you asked for.
42:25
This is what you get. Like, come on, man, you need to
42:28
be a little bit better than that.
42:29
I have a fucking shotgun stored under there or something.
42:32
Nick is randomly at a gas station.
42:34
He wants gum, but the driver that was supposed to bring the
42:38
gum delivery was at the strip club last night.
42:40
So. It's got Debo checking them out
42:44
here. Yeah, and they have a police
42:47
scanner. So that's how the that's how we
42:48
knew. Yeah.
42:49
And then the police scanner says that there is a sign of break in
42:54
and vandalism at the Heaven Sent Deli.
42:59
And so Nick goes to check that out.
43:01
Mr. Greed is still barely alive when he gets there, but dies as
43:05
the cops arrive. And of course, Nick looks really
43:07
suspicious because he's standing there.
43:09
In his dying breath, he tells Nick he's like, Santa is real,
43:13
yeah. So the cops take him to the
43:15
station. He calls Mac to come get him,
43:20
and he tries to explain the situation to Captain Cock, who
43:25
knows his grandpa. And it's just like, we're we're
43:30
not buying this. We're not doing this, kid.
43:32
Mac picks up Nick. And then we see the other cops
43:36
around, like making jokes about this string of murders and
43:40
attacks. They're like, oh, it forms a
43:42
tree on the map and one of them goes, no, it's just an irregular
43:45
Polygon. Good job we to pay attention in
43:48
algebra. Yeah, or.
43:50
Geometry. I don't know one of the maps.
43:52
Geometry. That's the shape one.
43:56
That's what that's my extent of math knowledge right there.
43:59
That's how you become an accountant.
44:00
People say that in your interview.
44:03
You'll be golden. Yeah, I did classes like.
44:07
The shape one. Yeah, the Shape 1 Optimus Prime,
44:13
that's to type a number saw. Somebody turn Optimus Prime into
44:16
a gun. Once hired, you got the job.
44:20
When can you start? It's how it happened.
44:23
That's that's an exact recreation of his interview.
44:27
And I know because I helped drive his prep for YEAH for the
44:29
job. That's how, yeah, I mean, and
44:31
now, you know, all right, so the Santa, like, busts in and takes
44:38
out all of them, including the chief, too.
44:40
And then he follows Mack and Nicholas in a cop car and he
44:46
starts to pull them over. They realize what's happening,
44:48
so Nicholas has to get the rifle out from under the seat of the
44:52
truck, and Mack is trying to explain how to load the rifle.
44:56
A. Bullet goat in hole, that's all.
44:58
And that's what she sums it down to.
44:59
Yeah, well, then she was using the technical terms just because
45:02
she grew up with somebody who's like a gun, like a gun hobbyist
45:06
and like the word she said like. Don't make sense to me.
45:11
Yeah, I'm not a gun guy. Yeah.
45:13
So I understand where Nicholas is coming from.
45:15
He eventually, because by this point Santa has jumped onto the
45:18
truck, he eventually shoots him and he falls out the back of the
45:21
truck. So they get to Nicholas's house,
45:23
tell grandpa what's going on. They get down to the bunker, and
45:25
then he's like, did Santa follow you?
45:27
And they're like, honestly don't know.
45:29
Yeah, I mean, shot him with a shotgun and he might be dead,
45:31
but he could have followed too. Who knows?
45:33
And then they hear banging upstairs and it's because
45:36
Santa's trying to bust in. No, no, no, no, no.
45:39
You misremember, friend. No, they are looking at the
45:44
security cameras. They see carolers approaching.
45:47
That's right, they. Don't want the carolers to be in
45:51
the line of fire when Santa comes, but Mac runs up there to
45:54
try and warn them it's too late. Santa comes in, Mac and Nicholas
45:59
managed to get back down to the bunker in time, and Grandpa has
46:02
a secret set of keys inside of an athlete and emptied out
46:07
athlete's foot canister. And then they go through a
46:11
secret door in the hot water heater that takes them to the
46:14
garage, and they get through that just in time for Santa to
46:17
bust in. Yeah, yeah, he busts down the
46:19
door and gets in there. Unfortunately, Grandpa had a
46:23
slip up which was to not turn off the security cameras before
46:27
they went through. So when St. he gets in, he sees
46:30
them at the garage trying to get their snowmobiles started.
46:34
He comes out and he faces off with grandpa.
46:36
And this is where we realized because it's like it's been a
46:40
long time since we've met. Yeah.
46:45
And then grandpa got run over by reindeer.
46:49
Grandpa got ran over by reindeer.
46:51
It's supposed to be a grandma, isn't it?
46:53
Yeah, yeah, this one is Grandpa and Mack and Nicholas.
46:58
They make their escape on the snowmobile.
47:01
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but As for me
47:04
and Grandpa, we believe that's the rest of the line of the
47:09
song. Yeah.
47:10
Hey, there we go. OK.
47:11
It's all coming together. Yeah.
47:14
Yeah. So Mack and Nick drive off on
47:17
their snowmobile. You have 26 minutes until
47:22
dinner, Zoe. Yeah, we got Cat going crazy,
47:25
she going bonkers out there, and now she got Fedway today too.
47:27
There's no excuse for that. Yeah, uncalled for.
47:30
Just being rude. Yeah, so they the chase leads
47:34
through the town, which downtown they seem to be having their
47:37
Christmas celebration at the Big Tree.
47:39
So they're trying to warn everybody.
47:40
I love that they put this handbell bit in there.
47:45
It was. Listen, the handbell community
47:50
drama can get so real from things I've read on Reddit.
47:54
Really. Yeah, I've been.
47:56
People in Handbell clubs are pretty intense.
47:59
What is a Handbell Club? It's like those like that group
48:04
that was there instead of instead of a choir they like
48:06
have. Their handbells.
48:07
Yeah. Yeah.
48:07
OK, I got you. Wow.
48:08
I had no idea that that was a messy group.
48:11
And I don't know if it's all of them but I've read multiple
48:13
stories online of like drama in in bell clubs so.
48:18
Well, it's a boring thing, so they gotta have something to
48:20
spice it up. It's.
48:21
Like it's adjacent to theater kids?
48:24
Yeah, that's where the failed ones go to.
48:26
I'm sorry if you're a handball person.
48:28
I'm not. I don't mean any of the things I
48:29
say. Listen, if we're
48:30
misunderstanding handbell culture, please tell us, yeah.
48:34
I would. Love to.
48:34
I would love to learn that they're not all like that.
48:36
It was just a bad representation.
48:38
Yeah, so Santa arrives there and he kind of just messes them up.
48:43
Yeah. Oh my God, Zoe, chill out.
48:47
I know that I can't see a tiny little WAVY.
48:52
She sounds more pathetic than she actually is.
48:54
Trusts that she's been fed. Yeah, she got a late breakfast
48:57
today. She's fine.
48:58
Yeah. Yeah, OK, so they the chase
49:02
continues. Santa's just chasing them
49:05
through the fields. And stuff like that.
49:07
Nick and Mack break into a school.
49:09
That's where they decide that they need to go.
49:11
I don't know why. They're trying to decide if they
49:13
want to do offense or defense because they realize that
49:16
because they're using the clock Nicholas has and they're like,
49:19
well, it's going to be midnight in the North Pole soon.
49:21
That's when Christmas is over. So we can either wait it out
49:23
here or we can go on the offense and try and like bring him over
49:28
to the skeet shooters and maybe get him shot.
49:29
Yeah, but they also discovered that The Nutcracker is in
49:33
Nicholas's backpack, and Grandpa left a note that said the best
49:37
kind of gift is a practical gift.
49:39
I, I, I guess it just means like you'll you'll need this.
49:44
Take this with you. Yeah, that's just that's grandpa
49:46
speak for like use this. It's dangerous.
49:48
You remember how it almost shot us in the basement?
49:51
Yeah. So they're walking through the
49:54
school and then Santa appears behind them and they have like a
49:56
whole Scooby-doo high jinks. Just running around.
50:00
Yeah, and because this is the most Canadian movie to ever
50:04
exist, they go into the school's ice rink.
50:06
Yeah, apparently that happens at schools in Canada.
50:09
Like they have ice rinks, which I, you know, we have basketball
50:11
courts. I guess maybe like that's the
50:13
difference between the two nations.
50:15
Maybe they just have both. Maybe they have both, who knows?
50:18
Yeah. I mean, I, I also have to
50:20
imagine, like, schools in Canada, like it's the same kind
50:24
of like not every school has a gymnastics team or a swim team.
50:27
It just kind of depends, yeah. That makes sense.
50:31
So Nicholas and Mary are about to have a moment here.
50:34
They're they're about to exchange like a kiss or
50:37
something and then Santa decides to ruin it with a Zamboni.
50:40
Yep, and. I'm never, I'm never ever going
50:45
to be mad about a Zamboni scene in a movie.
50:46
If you can get a Zamboni, yeah, you, you, you get a Zamboni.
50:50
Like, that's just, that's how it goes.
50:52
You have a set up for a Zamboni. You must use a Zamboni.
50:55
Yeah, well, Santa's about Together I.
50:57
Believe that's the national vehicle of Canada anyway, so
51:00
it's probably easy for them to find one.
51:01
Behind hockey Zamboni, That's that's how.
51:04
That's the saying, I think. So Santa's about to get him.
51:08
But wait a second, we have an Angel.
51:11
Yep, Does Am Bunny stop by a curling puck?
51:14
And it's because the Angel that defeated Santa 1000 years ago
51:20
was actually Grandpa. He gave up his immortality for
51:23
an earthworm he fell in love with.
51:24
Yeah, that's sweet. He challenges Santa to a rematch
51:28
and says like no more day of murder ever if I win and Santa
51:31
says OK, well if I win, you go in the household.
51:36
Yep, the clock hits midnight and.
51:41
That's a little bit. First we have the curling match
51:44
here with. The curling rematch.
51:45
This time grandpa gotta go first so grandpa goes 1st and then
51:49
this time it's Santa Stern and Santa just decides to pick up
51:52
grandpa and just throw him in the hole.
51:54
Again, this is kind of cartoony, but it always makes me laugh
51:57
when something like this is taking place in a high school
52:01
auditorium of some sort and the scoreboard inexplicably like,
52:07
reacts. Yeah.
52:09
It's it's funny. Yeah.
52:11
So like Grandpa got points for his curling and then Santa got
52:17
he made the board do 666 when he threw Grandpa in the hell hole.
52:22
Christmas magic, Yeah, Yeah. So like God, what happened to?
52:27
Me then. Then the clock hits midnight and
52:30
Nicholas is like, ha, ha, ha, it's over anyway, you have no
52:34
more power. And he says, common
52:37
misconception actually, because at the North Pole, all 25 of the
52:41
time zones in the world converge.
52:43
So it's discretionary as to what my cut off time is for
52:47
Christmas. So it's over when I say it's
52:50
over. And Max says he is frightening
52:53
and very informative. Yeah, so now it's time for The
52:56
Nutcracker. Nicholas gets The Nutcracker out
52:59
and shoots Santa with it, and it does some damage.
53:01
Yeah. Pretty good.
53:02
And then Nick and Max see that Grandpa was still hanging onto
53:05
the edge of the hell hole, so they pull him out.
53:07
But Santa wasn't actually taking all the way out, he was just
53:10
dazed. So he drives off in the Zamboni
53:12
and they're gonna follow. Grandpa cannot get through like
53:18
this barrier, like he's not able to follow.
53:20
But he says Santa's bluffing. He can't.
53:23
He's lost his power. Yeah, he's definitely lost his
53:26
power. So they go and they gather the
53:28
skeet shooters, which includes her dad, his gun club members
53:32
and her brother, I guess. Yeah.
53:34
And they're like, hey, do you want to shoot a bird?
53:38
Deer? Yeah, it's like a flying like a
53:40
it's just flies. It's a deer that flies like I
53:42
don't fucking believe you. Where is it?
53:43
Yeah, they're very excited about the prospect of it.
53:47
And then of course, it does appear everybody's trying to
53:51
shoot at it. Max Dad has a bazooka.
53:53
I just was like what the fuck? A bazooka just and the deer just
53:57
explodes. They went full Buffy with it.
54:00
Yeah, they did. Yeah.
54:02
And it was like, just like Buffy.
54:04
Like, I'm surprised it worked. Like usually like that shit is
54:06
like. Like why aren't we using this
54:08
more? Often.
54:09
Exactly. Yeah.
54:11
So they're like, yeah, like the reindeer is like all over the
54:14
place. It's dead.
54:15
Santa has been impaled on the flagpole, but it's actually
54:19
Pastor Tim and the Santa. Yeah, I forgot to mention during
54:21
the whole thing in the town square, like he had taken Pastor
54:25
whatever him Tim who was dressed as Santa at the event and kept
54:30
them. But I guess it is like a decoy
54:32
from whenever he needs something like this.
54:34
Yeah, and Nicholas doesn't tell them the truth because he's
54:37
like, why should they have to live in fear?
54:39
Because he's going to come back next year probably, man.
54:42
So. They're not going to believe
54:43
you. Yeah, that's.
54:44
True. It doesn't matter what they've
54:45
just seen that they have the evidence they want in front of
54:48
them, which is pass through him on a flagpole.
54:51
Yeah, they're like, he's the one that did this.
54:52
Yep, He. Yeah.
54:54
Mack and Nick kiss and then we cut to an airport and Santa is
55:01
in his casual clothes. Yeah, Mr. Shaytan.
55:04
Yeah, and he but he still has a sack.
55:08
Yes. But he is getting a ticket to go
55:11
to the North. Pole.
55:12
Yep, he's in his summer gear I guess.
55:16
I thought he was going on vacation but I guess not.
55:18
Nah, he's going home. It's.
55:19
Kind of weird to give him like, you know, the Hawaiian shirt and
55:22
be like, yeah, I'm going to the North Pole.
55:24
He wasn't in the Hawaiian shirt. He was in like an American
55:27
chopper vest. Oh, that's right.
55:30
No, no, no. Yeah, you're right.
55:32
You're right. You're.
55:32
Right, absolutely, I'm correct. You're correct.
55:35
That's right. OK, that's the end of the movie.
55:38
There's also like a thing at the end of the movie after credits
55:41
where Santa says who's next, but you know, that's just Goldberg's
55:45
signature thing after he would do like a victory.
55:47
So, OK, that's the end of the movie.
55:51
I still think 7 is the right call for this.
55:52
It's a pretty solid movie. I think there are a couple of
55:54
things that could be tightened up on, but.
55:56
I agree for what it is, yeah. For what it is, I think it's,
55:59
you know, it it does agree to what it is.
56:01
It's a perfect seven. I don't think it ever set out to
56:03
be anything more than A7. Yeah.
56:06
So, sevens, OK, yeah. Other than like pacing, is there
56:14
anything you would change? I would just, I guess the reason
56:19
he was there was to take on the Angel because he wanted payback.
56:23
Yeah, that was something we never even fully discussed cuz
56:26
grandpa wanted to make sure that they had their face off and he
56:30
said that Cassanta has said I will go to hell and back to
56:33
track you down. And Graham was like, so I waited
56:36
in the Township of hell and he was like, well, it wasn't hard
56:39
to figure out your exact address either.
56:41
And then he reads a letter from a young Nicholas where he says
56:45
grandpa has always gone late to his curling practices and it
56:48
makes him sad. And all he went through Chris's
56:50
is a mini fake oven. And then Mac has a mom where
56:53
she's like, you lied. You lied about the Transformers.
56:56
Yeah, then he he must have been like pissing all the people off
57:01
at the curling club. With his.
57:03
Skills like this fucking guy. Yeah, I don't know.
57:07
So that change I guess I would just have like more like more
57:14
threads throughout the movie like, you know, like it was just
57:17
like him just like popping up in random spots.
57:19
And I wanted, I wanted a more queer reasoning as to like his
57:22
thought process and like why he was doing what he was doing
57:25
instead of just having like moments of Santa killing people
57:28
in which it's not that big of a deal because it's this type of
57:31
movie. But I think it would have still
57:33
benefited the movie to have like a queer, like, you know, goal
57:39
and queer trajectory for Santa. Because I why was he even like
57:42
going after Mr. Green? You know, it was just like he
57:45
was killing people for the sake of killing people, which, you
57:47
know, I guess is kind of his character, but also like he was
57:49
killing naughty people. Yeah, it seemed to kind of
57:52
devolve. And like, he also just didn't
57:55
kill some people sometimes. Like he would just like walk by
57:57
people and just be like, yeah, and just like going.
58:02
So yeah, just a little bit tidy that whole part of him off a
58:08
little bit and we could be dealing with something a little
58:10
bit better, OK. Who did you relate to?
58:13
I think I related to Nicholas the whole, like, I liked this
58:17
whole signal for grandpa thing, you know, like, yeah, so that
58:21
was sweet to me. What about you?
58:28
I guess I probably would relate to Mac because I'm a slut that
58:33
uses Windex. Yeah, that's true.
58:36
The harlot over here likes to be seen through these windows.
58:39
I see. Yeah, get the hussy ammonia
58:44
cleaner. OK, well I guess it's time for
58:49
Scout's favorite part. Yes.
58:52
What do you think Scout's favorite part is?
58:54
I think Scout's favorite part was whenever grandpa was hanging
58:58
from the hole to hell because it was probably super warm right
59:02
there. No Scout's favorite part was
59:07
obviously the bunker cuz Scout is always trying to find holes
59:12
in the walls that she can hide in and never come out of.
59:15
OK, that's true. Sky likes to hide.
59:17
She likes to find like these little nooks and crannies to
59:20
just kind of keep herself away from people.
59:22
Back in college and I was living with my roommate, they came to
59:28
replace our air conditioning unit, which was in my roommate's
59:31
closet. And they had just left the full
59:34
open and Scout gone in there. And the guy was like, there's a
59:37
cat in your wall. Is this, does it belong to you?
59:41
Like, yeah, please don't. Please don't close your eyes.
59:45
Poor Kitty cat. All right, dream sequel.
59:49
I would have loved for this movie to have a sequel.
59:51
You know, I think you could probably still do it.
59:54
I want a crossover with him and Violent Night.
59:57
Oh, that would be cool. That would be.
59:59
Fun. Like two different versions of
1:00:01
Santa Claus, I guess. Yeah, that could be fun.
1:00:05
It's. Potential.
1:00:06
Yeah. But if we were to just stick
1:00:08
strictly to this, too, I think it would be fun to.
1:00:13
Yeah. What other?
1:00:15
Like there's other like Christmas mythology stuff that
1:00:19
you could throw in there with him.
1:00:21
Like like a Krampus maybe? Like deciding who's the meter
1:00:24
between him and Krampus. Yeah, like he gets upstaged,
1:00:28
like he's like, people are going to be scared of me.
1:00:30
But then like suddenly everybody's more focused on
1:00:33
Krampus being the terror instead, and he's getting a
1:00:37
little bit jealous. So, you know, maybe like a whole
1:00:39
Santa versus Krampus type deal. I think that could have been
1:00:42
fun. OK.
1:00:43
Yeah. OK.
1:00:47
Do we do tagline? No, no, OK.
1:00:48
Because we don't do. Don't do posters.
1:00:51
Don't do a poster for this, yeah?
1:00:52
Right. OK, Well then I guess that means
1:00:53
it's time for reviews. Yeah.
1:00:54
Yeah, OK, cool. Let's hear what you've pulled.
1:00:56
With a 2B or not to be, we usually pull both a positive and
1:01:00
a negative. Yeah.
1:01:01
So we both liked it. So I'll start with the negative
1:01:05
review. OK, So it's A1 outs in reviewed
1:01:10
back in 2017, December 22nd. Cole in your eyeball?
1:01:13
Socket the title. If you ever wanted to watch a
1:01:18
movie where a Bill Goldberg hits Chris Kattan with the same
1:01:21
sidekick that ended Bret Hart's career, good news to have found
1:01:24
the movie for you. Yep, the Mason family, including
1:01:27
James Con, Rebecca Gayhart, Fran Drescher and Kattan are all
1:01:31
fighting during Christmas dinner, but Santa arrives in
1:01:33
time to kill them all. And that's just the start.
1:01:36
Santa is really Satan's son, the son of a virgin birth like
1:01:39
Jesus, who used December 25th as the day of slaying until an
1:01:42
Angel defeated him. OK, we're just getting reviews.
1:01:44
Like the film was directed by David Steinman who was a
1:01:49
production assistant for Brett Ratner.
1:01:51
It's a slick looking film when they ended up way better than I
1:01:54
thought it would be. It has some interesting pics of
1:01:57
stars like SCT VS Dave Thomas playing a perverted pastor and
1:02:01
Robert Culp playing the hero's grandfather who ends up being
1:02:04
the curling playing Angel. Yeah, tall, handsome.
1:02:06
And what is it? Tall, handsome and Robert.
1:02:11
Tall, handsome and Robert. Plus, you know, Bill Goldberg is
1:02:16
Santa, which gives him the chance to use his Who's Next
1:02:19
catch phrase after the credits. There are much better Santa as
1:02:22
killer movies you can watch this holiday season, and we've
1:02:25
covered so many of them over the last few days.
1:02:27
But if you want to be a completionist and if you're a
1:02:30
wrestling fan and went to see Vince Russo die in a strip club
1:02:33
massacre, then go ahead and watch this.
1:02:36
You know, like I don't. Watch this movie expecting it to
1:02:42
be a good movie. Yeah, I didn't.
1:02:43
Mean to be. Fun.
1:02:45
This is what I expected from it. You know, like the opening
1:02:49
scene, like this person seemed annoyed about like the whole
1:02:51
fact that like they killed Chris Kattan and Rebecca Gayhart.
1:02:55
Or maybe not, I don't know, just.
1:02:57
I thought it was a fun opener. But I thought it was a fun
1:02:59
opener, too. I just thought it was a fun
1:03:00
movie. Yeah, I liked everything.
1:03:02
So here we go. Let's go to the good review
1:03:04
then, because I think this is going to sum up how we feel a
1:03:06
lot. OK, 6 out of 10.
1:03:08
Trashy beat horror. This is December 22nd, 2021.
1:03:11
Wow, we got 2 December 22nd reviews here.
1:03:14
Wow. The type of B movie I always
1:03:17
enjoy watching. Gory, silly, tongue in cheek and
1:03:19
completely over the top in every respect.
1:03:21
The opening set piece is by far the best part of the movie and
1:03:24
the surprise cameo helps too, so if you like that then you'll
1:03:27
probably enjoy the rest of this one too.
1:03:30
Goldberg is a good choice for a genial villain.
1:03:32
The FX are cheesy but fun, and seeing old timer Robert Culp
1:03:36
getting involved works too. Obviously if you're not a fan of
1:03:39
trashy horror you're not going to like this one, but I thought
1:03:42
it was quite decent. Yeah, if you don't like trashy
1:03:45
horror you're probably not going to like it as much.
1:03:47
You might still have some fun with it, but I think this is
1:03:50
really for the the goblins like us out there that really have
1:03:55
fun with the cheesy. I forgot that not everybody has
1:03:59
that perspective on horror movies and I have space for you
1:04:03
all that are like that. I'm not like that myself.
1:04:07
But yeah, I I could say I'm probably like that with other
1:04:09
genres. That's the thing too.
1:04:11
Yeah. Yeah, there's genres I could see
1:04:13
that. Like, probably not for dramas,
1:04:16
but you know, like maybe dramas. I don't know, I don't know, like
1:04:19
I I get it that this movie speaks to.
1:04:22
Us like we're surprisingly discerning about which cheesy
1:04:25
Christmas movies get put on the rewatch list.
1:04:28
True. Yeah, some of them work.
1:04:30
Some of them. Some of them are like, well,
1:04:31
that's not going to be a revisit.
1:04:33
Yeah. So, yeah, you know, I think that
1:04:36
perfectly sums up her feelings of this one.
1:04:38
And I think that that kind of does it for this to be or not to
1:04:42
be for this month, OK. So we'll see you on Thursday
1:04:47
when we talk about Dead END. Yeah, but until then, we would
1:04:50
like to thank our bubbies. Over at the Patreon.
1:04:52
We have Joe Freakatron as is his name, Amber, Michael, Lord,
1:04:56
Zombie, Tyler, Chad, Johnny and Jason.
1:04:58
Yeah, Thanks guys. Really appreciate you all for
1:05:01
giving us support. Means a whole lot to us if you
1:05:04
are unable to be patrons like they are.
1:05:06
You can help us any other way you can that doesn't involve
1:05:09
money. Which is other really good ways
1:05:11
to like rating us and subscribing wherever you listen,
1:05:14
sharing us with other friends. We got our Spotify Wrapped and I
1:05:18
just want to say we had like a 500% increase.
1:05:21
In the series this year. Thank you for that.
1:05:23
That was just Spotify alone. Yeah, that's just Spotify so.
1:05:26
We really appreciate that you all are here.
1:05:28
We, I, I want to do a show. I appreciate that we had some
1:05:31
people like tag us and stuff too for that.
1:05:33
But I, I really appreciate you guys that have been here with
1:05:36
us. And I want to like thank
1:05:38
everybody for just sticking with us this year because it's been,
1:05:43
we, we've been through a lot, yeah.
1:05:46
And there's been a lot going on, but you know, you guys help and
1:05:50
you guys are awesome. And we really, really appreciate
1:05:53
having all of you guys with us. And we also be a remiss not to
1:05:56
give an extra special shout out to Bubby Chad.
1:05:59
Yeah, because Mac and Mac and Nicholas throughout this movie
1:06:04
play I, I don't know what other people call it like, but where
1:06:08
you have to do like the hand symbol.
1:06:09
The the circle down below your waist and if you look at it, you
1:06:14
get punched in the shoulder. Yeah, and Chad does it to us
1:06:17
every fucking time we see it. Yeah, they did it to each other
1:06:21
multiple times. Yeah, that's right.
1:06:22
It was going throughout the movie.
1:06:23
And we're just like, that's Chad.
1:06:24
That's Chad. Chad.
1:06:25
Every time I run in a chat, I get that fucking circle and I
1:06:29
get a punch every time. Yeah, yeah, fucking a lot of
1:06:32
you, though. Chad doesn't punch me though.
1:06:33
Yeah, yeah, Chad's too delicate to do that to you.
1:06:36
Yeah. He would take me.
1:06:38
He takes me out with a high 5. I don't think I can handle a
1:06:40
punch. Yeah, OK.
1:06:43
So yeah, thanks guys for being here with us.
1:06:46
If you want to find us on the line, you can find us on our
1:06:48
social media. We have our Instagram and
1:06:50
Threads, his favorite scary movie podcast, our blue skies at
1:06:55
least faith pod and we have a website.
1:06:57
What's your favorite scary movie.com?
1:06:59
You can find all of our stuff there and we we thank you guys.
1:07:02
Merry Christmas with and Happy happy.
1:07:04
Holidays. Yeah, we're not going to be the
1:07:07
old lady here. Happy holidays.
1:07:08
Whatever you celebrate, we appreciate.
1:07:09
It and if you don't celebrate a holiday, happy December.
1:07:13
Yeah, just happy, happy day. Try to be happy in December.
1:07:17
If you need a link to a fake sunlight lamp hit me up because
1:07:20
I use one of those daily. Yeah, I get it.
1:07:23
Yeah. So thanks everybody for being
1:07:24
here. We'll catch you on the main
1:07:25
feed. Until.
1:07:27
Then bye.