Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 58 - She Lost Her Husband to ALS | Rachel Kerr Schneider

Transcript

EP 58 - She Lost Her Husband to ALS | Rachel Kerr Schneider · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

• 0:00
  What if the strength you're searching for isn't something
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  that you need to earn, hustle for, or even manufacture, but
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  something that's already living inside of you?
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  Today's conversation challenges the way we talk about faith,
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  grief, resilience, and invites us to rediscover the quiet,
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  supernatural power of the Holy Spirit in the middle of real
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  life. Welcome to Unmask, where we take
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  off the filters and get real about faith, failure, and
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  finding freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
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  Farnsworth, a dad, veteran, author, and a man who's learned
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  that God does his best work in the middle of our mess.
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  Each episode we have honest conversations with people who
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  have walked through addiction, pain, and doubt, and with
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  leaders and believers who are learning to live and lead
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  authentically. So take a breath, pull up a
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  chair and let's get real. This is unmasked.
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  Before social media reshaped the marketing world, Rachel Kerr
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  Schneider was already building influence the old fashioned way
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  through trust, authenticity and meaningful relationships.
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  Her career spans corporate marketing, leading $1,000,000
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  direct sales team and training hundreds of women to lead with
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  integrity rather than image. Along the way, Rachel learned
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  that success without spiritual grounding eventually runs dry
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  and that real prosperity is rooted in faith, connection and
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  purpose. Out of personal loss, grief, and
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  life altering seasons, Rachel founded Spirited Prosperity, a
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  platform designed to help women navigate hardship by deepening
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  their access to the Holy Spirit. A widow, single parent,
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  caregiver, and faith driven mentor, Rachel brings a
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  grounded, lived in wisdom to to conversations.
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  Let me start that one again. A widow, single parent,
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  caregiver, and faith driven mentor, Rachel brings a
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  grounded, lived in wisdom to conversations about grief, tribe
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  identity, and spiritual resilience.
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  Her work, shaped through mentorship with leaders like
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  Patti Aubrey, Jack Canfield, Lisa Nichols, and Michael Hyatt,
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  reminds women that they already carry a supernatural strength
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  within them, even when life feels overwhelming.
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  Rachel, thanks for being with us today here on UNMASKED.
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  Wesley, thank you for having me. Thank you for your service.
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  Thank you for building this platform.
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  I love the name of it, Unmasked, because so many of us wear masks
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  at different points in our life. And I think that being unmasked
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  takes a great amount of strength and vulnerability and honesty.
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  And I'm looking forward to our conversation today.
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  Yeah, You know, that's one of the reasons people have to ask
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  me, how did the unmasked name come about?
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  And it's that exact thing. You know, we walk around life
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  wearing a mask everyday. People ask you how you doing?
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  And our instant reply is, I'm fine when that's really not the
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  case. Most of the time, we're just
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  wearing a mask to let people think that.
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  And so I love having people on that are willing to take off
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  that mask and share their story, just like you're going to do
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  here today and encourage people that it's OK not to be OK.
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  Absolutely. And it's also OK not to have all
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  the answers. It's also OK not to know exactly
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  what the next step is. It's also OK to question.
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  It's OK to be confused and and it's OK to to struggle.
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  And all of us will, we'll have that happen in our life at one
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  time or another. And I know that for me, I never
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  really, I had AI had a great upbringing.
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  I, I didn't have any issues in my family life.
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  I grew up in the Deep South. My, my dad also was in the
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  service. So I kind of understood that
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  whole military mentality. There's a, there's a discipline
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  there in terms of his parenting style.
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  I'm the oldest of four and I grew up in the Deep South, so I
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  had a very faith-based family. There were no real huge, you
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  know, things that happened to me as I as I was growing up.
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  My mother is an immigrant from Kiev, so coming to the United
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  States was a whole big thing for her.
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  It was a lot to get used to and I I got a lot of my strength and
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  resilience from my parents and also my deep faith.
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  My dad was Southern Baptist and my mom was Lutheran and I was
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  growing up in Jackson, Ms. So I refer to myself somewhat of a
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  schizophrenic Christian because, you know, we get caught up
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  sometimes in this denominational things.
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  And, you know, one side of it. I would go to church with my
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  father and I'd hear a lot about, you know, Hellfire and
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  damnation. And then I go to church with my
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  mom and I'd hear a lot about grace and forgiveness and mercy.
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  And I knew who God was. I know who Jesus was.
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  I knew about the Holy Ghost. That was kind of a little weird
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  though, right? I mean, ghosts back in the day,
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  we didn't call him the Holy Spirit.
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  We called him the Holy Ghost. And Ghost kind of had a
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  different, a different meaning. So, but All in all, it was a
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  great I, I grew up in a, in a great family with a lot of faith
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  tradition and a lot of knowledge.
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  I knew who all the characters in the Bible were.
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  I was aware of all the stories and the miracles and all the
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  fabulous things that happened. And, and those people, you know,
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  those stories were those stories were real to me.
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  So, you know, I graduated from high school, went on to college,
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  and it was here in Dallas that I met my husband, John, and I was
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  introduced to him by his mom and she took an instant liking to
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  me. I was on a sales call.
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  I was working for a magazine selling advertising space at the
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  time. Long story short, she invited me
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  to come and meet her son who had just moved to Dallas.
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  I met John. I wasn't really impressed.
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  I had hoped to close a business deal with his mom by, you know,
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  by meeting her son. So I wasn't really expecting a
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  whole lot to happen. But invariably, God had other
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  plans. John and I ended up getting
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  married. He was working for a company
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  that took us all over the country.
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  I lived in seven different places in the course of 14
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  years, everywhere from Philadelphia to Seattle to San
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  Francisco to Dallas to Chicago and ended up in Minneapolis.
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  So I kind of learned early on, you know, that that trailing
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  spouse syndrome was real for me. John's career was primary.
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  We we were building a life together.
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  I'll be at a little transient, but I realized quickly how to
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  create community, how to how to build a home, how to find a
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  church and how to make connection.
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  In the process of that we raised two kids, 2 little boys, Jake
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  and John. And when he accepted his his
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  biggest position in Minneapolis, I went to the great white tundra
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  a little bit. I will tell you, I I wasn't
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  kicking and screaming, Wesley, but I wasn't exactly overjoyed.
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  This Southern girl thought that when she left Chicago, she was
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  done with the snow and the ice. And even as we're recording this
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  today, Dallas is frozen in solid.
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  It's like a skating rink in my driveway.
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  So, you know, we had, we just, John was in the biggest job of
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  his career. I was raising the boys and life
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  was good. It was really, really good.
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  Not to say that we didn't have our ups and downs with, with
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  being married as as all couples do.
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  Yet we were, we were doing, we were doing life and, and it was
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  good. So when he started to have some
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  issues with his left foot, he didn't think too much about it.
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  He'd been an athlete in high school and college, and he just
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  went to the doctor thinking it was just a pulled, you know,
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  pulled muscle or something that just wasn't, it wasn't resolving
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  itself as as it had normally in the past.
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  So unbeknownst to me, John started seeing a neurologist and
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  he was seeing this neurologist for about a year and it came
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  time for him to have his executive physical and the
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  neurologist gave him the file and said, I think I know what
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  this is. I'd like for you to take this
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  with you when you go to the Mayo Clinic and I'd like for you to
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  get a second opinion or confirmation of what I think
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  this could be. OK, so John headed up to the
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  Mayo Clinic, which was about a 2 hour drive from where we were
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  living in Minneapolis. And I'm sure that most of us
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  know Mayo is like the mothership of medicine, right?
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  That's what that's it's known around the world.
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  People come in from all over. And he carried that file in with
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  him. And he called me later that day
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  and he said, I'm coming back home.
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  They want me to come. They want you to come with me,
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  back with me tomorrow. And I was like, John, that
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  doesn't make a lot of sense. He goes, no, I'm coming home
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  tonight and we're going to go back together tomorrow.
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  So he got home later that night. The kids were asleep.
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  He walked into the bedroom. I was reading a book.
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  And he he walked in as white as a ghost.
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  And he said, they think I've got this, Rachel.
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  They think I've got this disease, I'm going to die.
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  I said, wait a second. And my husband, who this just
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  happens to be also Wesley, this would have been his 65th
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  birthday today. He looked at me and he said, I
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  have this disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
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  It's ALS. And I said, I've never heard of
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  that. What are you talking about?
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  He said it's Lou Gehrig's disease.
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  And I said, I don't even know. I don't know what that is
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  either. What are you talking?
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  What are you talking about? Because Rachel, I'm going to,
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  I'm going to die. And I looked at him and I and he
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  wasn't prone to exaggeration. He was somewhat of a reserved
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  person. And I looked at him and I said,
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  John, you can't be, can't be right this come on, I'm sure you
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  misheard something. We'll go to Mayo tomorrow and
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  we'll get this all straightened out.
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  Don't, don't worry about it. And that's what we did.
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  We went back to Mayo the next day where the doctors then
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  started running a series of tests because ALS is very
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  difficult to, to really diagnose.
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  It mimics a lot of other diseases, Parkinson's,
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  Huntington's Ms. and it took a couple of days.
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  But at the end of that, they did say yes, we believe that you
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  have ALS. If you don't know what ALS is,
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  don't feel bad. I didn't know either.
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  There are only about 30,000 people in the United States that
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  are living with it at any given time.
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  Between 5 and 6000 people are diagnosed with it every year.
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  It is a disease of which they have no idea how you get it and
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  they have no idea how to cure it.
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  It is a death sentence and they usually give you between two to
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  five years. It is a slow progression of the
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  the neurologic, the muscular system.
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  I should say in that the the motor neurons who keep the
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  muscles going, they die. So the body self paralyzes and
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  you lose the inability to move your, your muscles.
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  They, they don't work anymore. And ultimately what happens is
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  because our diaphragm moves the lung, it's the muscle that moves
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  the lungs, it doesn't work anymore.
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  So ultimately the individual suffocates.
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  And it is the most brutal disease I've ever been exposed
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  to. And they literally tell you to
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  just go home and get your affairs in order.
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  And that is that's where everything in my life changed
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  and my relationship with Jesus became real.
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  It wasn't about religion anymore.
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  It wasn't about the protocols of religion.
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  It wasn't about all of the, the rituals and the liturgies.
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  It was about relationship and knowing that Jesus was, he was
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  the only person. He was the only way that we were
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  going to get through this. Because I didn't, I, I had no
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  idea, no idea how, how, what, what this even was that we were
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  dealing with. But over the next three years,
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  my relationship with Jesus changed, my relationship with my
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  husband changed, my relationship with my family and with myself.
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  It changed and it was hard. But I will tell you that if I
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  didn't have my face, I would be on the floor in a fetal
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  position. And that that is that is the,
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  that is the truth. So I am so thankful that I can
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  be with you here today, even though John's been gone.
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  Now, today would have been, like I said earlier, his 65th
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  birthday. He died at 53 years to almost
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  the day of his diagnosis. I was widowed at 49 with two
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  little boys, 10 and 14. And the second book that I'm
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  writing, the first one is called The Widow Chose Red, My Journey
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  with Jesus, John and ALS. That's the book that I released
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  last May, which kind of chronicles our our story.
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  The second book I'm working on now called The Boys, The Bible
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  and the Battles, which will chronicle raising both of these
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  boys and the two very different journeys that they took in
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  handling the loss of their dad. Wow, Rachel, you have been
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  through some profound loss and transitions with with everything
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  that you've gone through, and I just can't even imagine going
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  through something like that. How did your grief and widowhood
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  reshape not just your faith, but the way that you understood
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  God's presence in everyday life? That's a that's a, that's a
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  great question, Wesley, because, you know, I knew John was going
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  to die and I knew that I had to, but that I had to, to be strong
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  for the boys. I really didn't take the proper
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  amount of time to grieve because I now, you know, had this, this
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  really big responsibility of raising these boys.
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  And I stepped into, I didn't step into the role of being a
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  dad because I wasn't created to do that.
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  But my boys saw my faith in action.
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  They'd been witnessing it, but it it took it, it took a
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  different, it took a different place.
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  And what I did know is that I wasn't alone.
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  I may have been physically alone in that John wasn't there
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  anymore, but God had been preparing me for this in the way
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  of my communication with Him. It had become so real and so
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  regular for me that I was talking to him all the time.
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  And, and I can remember my husband John, sometimes before
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  he passed, would look at me and he'd go, Rachel, who are you
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  talking to? And I'd be like, you know what,
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  I'm Jesus and I are just having a moment over here.
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  I I just needed to talk to him about a few things.
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  And, and what I realized to Wesley is I didn't have any.
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  I didn't know anybody else who was a widow.
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  And so there wasn't I couldn't go anywhere and find another one
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  of me. Social media really didn't exist
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  in the way that it does now. So it's not like I could get
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  online and say I'm looking for, you know, I'm looking for a
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  widow who lost her her husband to ALS, who's got two small
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  boys, you know, can we talk? I could do that now.
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  I could absolutely do that now and find someone.
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  But that wasn't the case then. I didn't know anybody who who
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  had lost their husband to anything.
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  So what I, what I came to find is that my piece ultimately was
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  in knowing that that God had this figured out for me and that
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  I didn't. I couldn't get ahead of myself.
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  I needed to just stay in the present and just know that he
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  was going to direct my steps. He was going to, to, to bring me
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  and the boys the resources that we needed.
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  But I will tell you it was still difficult to, to wait for those
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  resources sometimes it was, it was, it was scary sometimes to
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  realize that all of the decisions now, all the financial
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  matters, all of the do we sell the house, do we move, do we
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  stay here? How do I get insurance?
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  What happens to the insurance? How do I, how do I navigate all
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  of this and, and yet understanding to that, you know,
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  God doesn't take us to a place and just, and just dropkick us,
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  just say, OK, I'm going to leave you now.
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  I, I'm going to, I'm going to let you figure this out.
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  Although I think it feels like that sometimes it really, really
• 19:58
  does feel like that. But I, I had, I had a sense of
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  peace somewhere in my soul knowing that, even if I didn't
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  understand it. He he had a bigger, he had a
• 20:14
  bigger plan in mind and that there was a reason that all of
• 20:19
  this was happening. You know, one of the things that
• 20:23
  you mentioned that I want to ask about here is, you know, you
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  mentioned your two sons and the fact that you didn't have
• 20:30
  community, you didn't have the ability to reach out to somebody
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  else. This is a, you're the 1st guest
• 20:37
  that I've here had here on Unmasked that has gone through
• 20:41
  anything like this. You're the first widow that I've
• 20:45
  had on this show. So you're kind of a, a
• 20:48
  trailblazer in, in, in that sense of the word for the
• 20:51
  unmasked community. And so when you think about
• 20:55
  that, you know, you think about the women that are out there, or
• 20:58
  even though maybe the men that are out there that have lost
• 21:00
  their wives and they have, you know, the the women have met,
• 21:04
  have had boys, the guys have girls.
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  Now they're stuck with this, these children of the Abscess
• 21:10
  sex. They've lost their spouse.
• 21:12
  The kids obviously have questions.
• 21:14
  How did you navigate all of that while still wrestling inside in
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  your with your own faith in some ways, you know, as you're trying
• 21:24
  to navigate here the loss of your spouse and be there for
• 21:28
  your kids at the same time. Yeah, I think that we, you know,
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  I let those kid I, those kids became my, my, my world, right?
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  I mean, they had been, but John's caregiving was very
• 21:45
  involved. And so they had kind of had to
• 21:48
  adjust to, to a different to a different way of, of living,
• 21:53
  right. And now they had mom all to
• 21:55
  themselves. But of course they didn't have,
• 21:58
  they didn't have dad. And what I will, what, what we
• 22:01
  do know now, Wesley, which we didn't know then was how we have
• 22:06
  much more information now about how grief effects kids, how
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  trauma effects children and, and how they and how they wrestle
• 22:18
  with it. And they don't grieve the same
• 22:20
  way that adults do. And given where they are in
• 22:25
  their development, these kids become stunted emotionally.
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  They they, they can't move on. And sometimes that doesn't
• 22:37
  really become apparent until many years later.
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  And especially when a child science will tell you when a
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  child loses a parent of the same sex, it affects them
• 22:51
  differently. And I realized that I was never
• 23:00
  built to be their dad, but I had to take on all of the additional
• 23:04
  responsibilities of making sure that they were they were
• 23:09
  provided for. And I do, I think I don't have
• 23:15
  many regrets, but I, I do hate the fact that I think there was
• 23:20
  a part of me that just was so busy trying to get through the
• 23:26
  daily activities of life that I didn't pay enough attention to
• 23:33
  what was going on with them emotionally.
• 23:38
  And years later, I mean, my, my oldest, who was 14 at the time,
• 23:45
  the the pain was so deep that he chose the road of addiction and
• 23:51
  which was something that was also foreign to me, too.
• 23:55
  My youngest son, he got addicted to sports.
• 23:57
  But here I am once again a boy. You know, I'm a boy mom.
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  I don't have a great background in sports.
• 24:05
  I don't, I don't, you know, I can watch a football game.
• 24:08
  That doesn't mean I know everything that's going on in
• 24:11
  the football game. I'm a great cheerleader, though,
• 24:13
  Wesley. I'm a great cheerleader.
• 24:15
  But the rest of it, you know, there's just kind of those
• 24:18
  things that dads do with their sons that wasn't going to
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  happen. It just was not ever going to
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  happen. My boys grew up very quickly in
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  that they had to take on responsibility for some of their
• 24:33
  own choices, decisions. You know, I, I didn't really
• 24:39
  know what some of their capabilities were in certain in
• 24:42
  certain sports or, or things. And, and so that part of their
• 24:48
  childhood was changed dramatically.
• 24:53
  And they they learned very early on that life, life just isn't,
• 24:57
  it isn't fair. And I realized that there was
• 25:00
  nothing I could do to fix it. I think one of the great things
• 25:05
  that you did though, and I'm, I'm kind of assuming this
• 25:09
  because you didn't straight out say it, but I'm going to, I
• 25:11
  think it's probably safe to make the assumption is that you
• 25:14
  didn't hide the grief and the pain and the things that you
• 25:17
  were going through. And you lived it out in front of
• 25:20
  your kids and you allowed them to see what that healing process
• 25:22
  was and kind of go through that journey with you, which I think
• 25:25
  was a good thing to do. And so I just it, I'm just, I'm
• 25:32
  sitting here trying to wrap my head around it all still.
• 25:35
  And it's the journey is just something that's definitely
• 25:38
  profound to to think about. It's I, I think that, you know,
• 25:44
  the concept of death is, is still one of those things that
• 25:48
  for young children is a is a hard thing.
• 25:51
  And I remember, you know, because they were so young and
• 25:55
  because we were in, in, in a smaller community, there were a
• 25:58
  lot of people that wanted to come to John's celebration of
• 26:02
  life. But a lot of people also were
• 26:04
  like, is, you know, is there going to be an open casket?
• 26:07
  Is there going to be a dead body?
• 26:08
  There is, you know, I don't know if I really want my child to see
• 26:12
  that or whatever. And no, John was, John was
• 26:16
  cremated. But we did have we had over 600
• 26:19
  people there and all just a lot of kids.
• 26:23
  A lot of kids came to support Jake and John, who who actually
• 26:27
  recited a poem and there are QR codes in the book.
• 26:31
  I had the presence of mind Wesley to to videotape, have the
• 26:35
  have the ceremony that the celebration of life videotaped
• 26:40
  because I knew that I wouldn't remember it correctly for my
• 26:43
  boys. And I wanted them to have that
• 26:46
  and listen to the stories people were telling about their father
• 26:50
  and have that point of reference.
• 26:52
  So I'm, I'm, I'm forever grateful that I had the presence
• 26:55
  of mind to do that. And I think that was, I think it
• 27:01
  was a great way for a lot of families to be able to
• 27:08
  experience that kind of service beyond maybe their own family,
• 27:18
  you know, I think and, and to, and to experience it with, with
• 27:22
  Jake and John and to, and to be able to share in what those two
• 27:27
  boys were going through to a certain degree.
• 27:33
  Wow, wow. Well, I have more questions for
• 27:37
  you and at this conversation that is not anywhere close to
• 27:41
  being done. But we've you've shared so much
• 27:45
  here already that I want to just take a quick minute.
• 27:47
  And you know, guess if you're out there and you're listening
• 27:50
  to this episode and she has shared something that has spoken
• 27:54
  to you or she's shared something that you're like, man, I know
• 28:00
  somebody that is going down this road and they they could really
• 28:04
  hear this. Take a moment and just share the
• 28:07
  episode with that person. That's come to mind because they
• 28:11
  may not find this otherwise and you don't know what sharing the
• 28:16
  episode may lead to in their own lives.
• 28:19
  So would you just take a moment and share that share with that
• 28:21
  person? Rachel, one of the things that
• 28:26
  you talk about and you mentioned was the Holy Spirit, and you
• 28:31
  talk about the Holy Spirit as a real living source of strength
• 28:36
  in your life. For somebody that's out there
• 28:39
  that feels disconnected or unsure about how to access that,
• 28:43
  what does it look like in practice?
• 28:51
  That's a great I, I love that question because I'm not it's
• 28:54
  going to look different. I think it may look different
• 28:57
  for every one of us, But what I do know is that the feeling that
• 29:02
  the, that the feeling of, of having that, that, that
• 29:07
  advocate. You know, when, when Jesus left,
• 29:10
  he, he had to leave so that the Holy Spirit could be here.
• 29:15
  And he even said that, that, that, that was going to be even
• 29:20
  greater, greater than him to be able to have that advocate and
• 29:24
  to have that, that Holy Spirit within us.
• 29:27
  And, and I, what I know for myself, Wesley is I never gave
• 29:33
  the Holy Spirit that much attention.
• 29:37
  I always knew that he was part of the Trinity.
• 29:40
  But I was like, oh, well, we always focus on our relationship
• 29:43
  with God. We always focus on Jesus, what
• 29:46
  he did for us, his suffering, his crucifixion, his
• 29:50
  resurrection. And the Holy Spirit just kind of
• 29:52
  is around, right? And what I found for me is that
• 29:59
  it, it he became more of that, that presence within me, that
• 30:05
  secret supernatural power that we have, that when we when, when
• 30:09
  I would get so overwhelmed, I didn't know what to pray.
• 30:12
  I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I was going to
• 30:16
  get through that next minute. I would just say, OK, Holy
• 30:20
  Spirit, I don't even know what to do now.
• 30:22
  Please just take a hold and just give me what it is that I need.
• 30:27
  And I would feel that that that nudge, that that gentle, what's
• 30:38
  the word I'm looking for? I, I guess just like that, that,
• 30:41
  that force that would just say, OK, Rachel, that thought that
• 30:45
  would come into my head. Maybe you should do it this way
• 30:48
  or pause just a minute or know that I'm here.
• 30:52
  And I always, you know, when we think about Pentecost, which is
• 30:57
  when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples and the great rush
• 31:03
  of the great rush of wind. And one of the reasons that that
• 31:09
  we think of the Holy Spirit as a force or I do as well because
• 31:13
  he's denoted as as the wind, as flame, as fire.
• 31:18
  And yet he remains a mystery. But we know that we've been
• 31:23
  gifted. We're a believer in the Trinity.
• 31:26
  We know that that he is with us. And for somebody that isn't
• 31:32
  sure, which is absolutely where I where I was, it's kind of when
• 31:38
  you get to the end of your rope and you have nothing else to do
• 31:42
  but hang on, it's kind of like saying, all right, I'm going to
• 31:46
  let go and I am just going to trust.
• 31:52
  I'm going to trust that I am not going to hit the ground and
• 31:57
  splat everywhere. I'm going to trust that there is
• 32:02
  this, this being inside of me, the spirit inside of me that
• 32:07
  that is giving me the strength, the presence, the peace to do
• 32:14
  what I need to do. Whether that's letting go,
• 32:17
  whether that's stepping out, whether that's taking pause,
• 32:21
  resting, whether I'm, I'm talking, not talking, just
• 32:25
  being. And I am going to be good with
• 32:31
  that. I love that.
• 32:35
  That's very well said. I think that's one of the things
• 32:38
  people often when they, when they think about the Holy Spirit
• 32:40
  and they think about their, their, their relationship and,
• 32:43
  and things like that, they're they're waiting for like this,
• 32:46
  just this great big sign with neon lice pointing to it, saying
• 32:49
  this is what you need to do. And it's not always that way.
• 32:52
  You know, sometimes it's just a simple thought that comes into
• 32:56
  your mind that's perfectly timed, the answers the question
• 33:00
  that you've been seeking, and it's just a matter of being
• 33:05
  sensitive to that to be able to identify it.
• 33:10
  You're absolutely right, Wesley. I love what you said being
• 33:13
  sensitive. That's the key that because
• 33:16
  often we're so busy, we don't take them, we or we dismiss.
• 33:20
  We're very dismissive of, of that, of that prompt, right?
• 33:24
  We're we, we can be dismissive of it as well.
• 33:26
  So I love, I love what you've said, that sensitivity is key.
• 33:30
  Yeah, I think, I think we're, I think we're dismissive because
• 33:35
  sometimes we think we'll know that's just our brain or that's
• 33:38
  just us trying to do it, you know, and, and so we, we try and
• 33:43
  give ourselves credit when sometimes it is the spirit, you
• 33:47
  know, sometimes it might be us, you know, you do have.
• 33:50
  So you have to be, be sensitive to it.
• 33:52
  And if you're not quite sure, you know, that's when you lean
• 33:54
  on the community, the people in your life that your pastor, your
• 33:57
  elder, your church elders and the people like that, that you
• 33:59
  can be like, hey, you know, here's what I'm struggling with.
• 34:02
  And here's here's what I'm thinking.
• 34:05
  And I can't quite decide if this the spirit speaking to me or if
• 34:08
  it's me. Like, what do you think?
• 34:10
  And and let them speak into it a little bit and help you discern
• 34:14
  that. Exactly.
• 34:15
  Or open up your Bible, open up your Bible and it will take you
• 34:20
  probably to the place. How many times does that happen
• 34:23
  to me? I've just, I've just opened it
• 34:25
  up and just said, OK, Lord, you know, and then you just you go
• 34:29
  to that place, you, you, whatever you know, and it's
• 34:32
  speaking to you and you're like, OK, seriously, really?
• 34:37
  How many times that I knew this first or I thought I knew this
• 34:40
  passage. And yet because of where you are
• 34:43
  and how you how sensitive you are and open to hit to seeing
• 34:48
  that interpretation, it hits you in a completely different way.
• 34:53
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 34:56
  I had a quick, fun, fun little story as I share briefly a
• 35:00
  couple Sundays ago. I was preaching at a a local
• 35:03
  church and there was just something missing.
• 35:06
  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew that there was
• 35:08
  something missing. And I went early, went to their
• 35:11
  Sunday school class and they were, they were going over the
• 35:14
  material and one of the scriptures that they read as
• 35:17
  part of the Sunday school class was that missing piece.
• 35:20
  And, and I was like, like the light bulb goes off and it's
• 35:24
  like, OK, it's like, thank you, God.
• 35:26
  And so I'm sitting there editing my sermon, you know, as we're in
• 35:29
  Sunday school class, like thank you.
• 35:32
  So he, his timing is perfect. He will provide it when you when
• 35:36
  you need something and the word the word has the answers.
• 35:39
  Exactly. Exactly.
• 35:41
  And that's when and that's when you know that you know that you
• 35:46
  are operating in the spirit you are absolutely and he's
• 35:49
  operating in you. Well, you know, when you're
• 35:55
  going through things of when you're going through seasons of
• 35:59
  difficult time, you know, seasons of caregiving, mental
• 36:02
  illness, terminal illness, single parenting, a lot of those
• 36:07
  things, faith can become exhausting, especially if you're
• 36:11
  not deeply rooted in your faith because you're so worried about
• 36:16
  following the rules and doing things the right way and
• 36:19
  everything else that it becomes, it can becomes even more
• 36:22
  exhausting. And so how did you learn to lean
• 36:26
  on God without getting burnt out spiritually?
• 36:34
  So I have, I have some of my favorite music, some of my
• 36:42
  favorite from some of the older contemporary Christian artists.
• 36:46
  I can't say that I know a lot of the newer ones, but some of
• 36:49
  there are some tried and true favorites that I, every time I
• 36:54
  put them on or listen or just start singing myself, My, my
• 37:00
  faith is just refreshed. And, you know, music is just one
• 37:07
  of those ways. I, I, we, we all remember
• 37:11
  probably the hymns that we grew up singing in church.
• 37:14
  We don't hear so many of them anymore.
• 37:17
  But you know, we can all probably take ourselves back to
• 37:21
  some of those, some of those times when, when music has
• 37:26
  really brought us, brought us comfort.
• 37:28
  And so that's one of the things that keeps me from getting
• 37:32
  burned out. Another one is to just really
• 37:36
  fortify myself through I may not.
• 37:40
  And there were days when I was taking care of John.
• 37:42
  I didn't have time to sit down and, and really, you know, have
• 37:46
  a devotional in my Bible at the beginning of the day.
• 37:50
  We always close the day with the boys and, and, and doing a short
• 37:55
  devotional and and I grew up saying my prayers on my knees
• 37:58
  around my parents bed. So that's how my boys grew up.
• 38:02
  We were on our knees every night around John's bed saying our
• 38:06
  prayers. But but what I realized is
• 38:11
  getting little, you know, snippets, little verses, you
• 38:15
  know, I was following and still follow, you know, a lot of a lot
• 38:21
  of preachers, a lot of teachers. And just to have something come
• 38:25
  across my screen, you know, back in the day or even now, that is
• 38:29
  an uplifting verse and scripture.
• 38:33
  I, I know now too, that as I mentioned earlier, I'm in
• 38:40
  constant communication with God. I talk, I, I'm just talking to
• 38:44
  him all during the day. I don't have to, you know, it's,
• 38:49
  it's lovely when you can get quiet, get on your knees, get in
• 38:53
  a quiet place. And, and of course there's no
• 38:55
  substitute for that, But I find myself talking to him in the
• 38:59
  parking lot in the grocery store, you know, doing the do
• 39:03
  it, cleaning my house, taking a walk outside.
• 39:06
  I mean, whatever it is. And, and one of the things that
• 39:10
  has really become so important to me, Wesley, is that when I am
• 39:16
  talking on the phone with someone and they are going
• 39:19
  through something or they're, they've got a question and, and,
• 39:23
  and they're upset, I will just say right now, is it OK?
• 39:27
  Can I just take a minute and pray with you right here, right
• 39:30
  now? And even if they sometimes they
• 39:35
  may be a believer, sometimes their, their faith isn't so
• 39:39
  strong. But I've never had anybody ever
• 39:42
  say, don't pray for me ever. I've never had anybody say that.
• 39:47
  And so being able to stop right then and there in that moment
• 39:51
  and share that and go to God with that right then and there,
• 39:55
  I think it's just so important. And and that does something
• 40:01
  because you know as well, we're two or more gathered.
• 40:04
  It makes such a difference. So I don't put it off and say,
• 40:07
  oh, I'll pray for, you know, I'll pray for you.
• 40:09
  I'll pray for you. I go, can we just do it right
• 40:11
  now? And.
• 40:13
  That to me is one of the ways to that I keep myself from burning
• 40:17
  out because then I don't have to remember, right?
• 40:20
  I mean, I will keep praying for them, of course, but at least I
• 40:23
  know too that I was able to do that with them right then and
• 40:27
  there. And, and there's a power.
• 40:29
  There's a power in that big. Time I love that because that's
• 40:33
  something I think a lot of us and I'm guilty of it.
• 40:36
  You know, somebody's like, hey, can you pray for me?
• 40:38
  And you're like, absolutely, I will be praying for you.
• 40:41
  And then life gets in the way and you're like, what was I
• 40:43
  supposed to do? And and you just forget, not
• 40:48
  because you meant to, but just you.
• 40:50
  It happens. And so that's something that I
• 40:53
  have been really like, it's really been a conviction of my
• 40:57
  own in the last year. And so when I have friends that
• 41:01
  text me like, Hey, can you pray for me over this?
• 41:04
  Like, I'll, I'll reply back, yes.
• 41:06
  And then I will stop right then and there.
• 41:09
  And I will record a voice note of me praying for them and send
• 41:14
  it to them so that then they can hear it and join in the prayer.
• 41:19
  And I've had several of them that have, you know, saved it
• 41:22
  and they're like, thank you for that.
• 41:25
  And so I, I encourage, like encourage you out there, if
• 41:30
  that's not something that you've thought about doing, do it.
• 41:33
  You know, they're asking for prayer for a reason.
• 41:35
  And the fact that they have come to you should speak volumes in
• 41:42
  your life and don't let them down and just take a moment.
• 41:45
  It only takes you 30 seconds to a minute, you know, unless you
• 41:48
  want to get real deep in prayer. But you know, take a moment and
• 41:51
  say the prayer for him and let him know that you did it.
• 41:54
  Even if you don't want to send a voice note, you know, if you're
• 41:56
  not comfortable, that's fine, you know, or do it on the phone
• 41:59
  while you're there, but just to make sure that you do it.
• 42:02
  Absolutely. And and along those lines,
• 42:05
  Wesley, you know, because I have a lot of people that think, oh,
• 42:08
  you know, Rachel's got some, you know, she's got some Direct Line
• 42:12
  or she's better at it than I am or whatever.
• 42:15
  And I'm just like, here's what I will tell you.
• 42:17
  I will pray for you anywhere, anytime, but I cannot pray you
• 42:21
  into heaven. I can't do that.
• 42:27
  And that's the one thing, Wesley, you and I both know you
• 42:30
  know that is something you have to, you have to do that.
• 42:34
  You have to accept Christ as your Savior.
• 42:36
  You have to do that. I can't do that for you, no
• 42:40
  matter how much I want to and no matter how many prayers I pray,
• 42:45
  that's still on. That's on you.
• 42:47
  Yeah. And then a wonderful thing about
• 42:49
  prayer is there isn't a right or wrong way to do it.
• 42:52
  It's just like a conversation like you and I are having right
• 42:54
  now. You're just talking to God as if
• 42:57
  you were standing right in front of you or right next to you on a
• 42:59
  park bench or wherever, and you're just having a
• 43:01
  conversation, man. Hey, God, this is what I'm going
• 43:05
  through and I don't know what to do.
• 43:06
  I need your help. And you're just talking to Him
• 43:08
  like you would a friend. And that's exactly what prayer
• 43:11
  is supposed to be. It's not supposed to be this
• 43:13
  big, a holier than thou, you know, spiritual thing with all
• 43:16
  these fancy religion words and everything else.
• 43:19
  It's just a private conversation between you and God.
• 43:23
  Exactly. You're at, you're absolutely
• 43:25
  right and you don't have to go through anybody else to do that
• 43:28
  not. At all?
• 43:30
  Yeah, you have a Direct Line. Yes.
• 43:34
  You have the red bat phone, all you got to do is pick it up and
• 43:36
  talk. You're right.
• 43:41
  You're right, absolutely. I want to get, I want to go
• 43:47
  slightly off topic here for just a quick second.
• 43:50
  And I want to talk about your, your experience in the
• 43:54
  professional world real fast because you have quite a, quite
• 43:58
  a background there. And then I've got a few more
• 44:00
  spiritual questions for you, if you will.
• 44:03
  But over the years, you have built success before social
• 44:09
  media even existed, as you alluded to earlier, and before
• 44:13
  personal branding really became a thing.
• 44:16
  You know, how has authenticity? Oh, that was a fun word to say.
• 44:21
  How has authenticity shaped your leadership?
• 44:24
  And where do you think that we've lost our way today?
• 44:30
  Here's what I will tell you. So for me, I didn't know how to
• 44:38
  beat anybody else but myself, right?
• 44:40
  I didn't know how to do that. And for many years I was working
• 44:46
  in a company that was very male dominated.
• 44:50
  It was in the automotive aftermarket.
• 44:52
  There weren't a whole lot of women there.
• 44:54
  And I was aware that I was under a microscope, right?
• 44:59
  I mean, people were watching me all the time because they've
• 45:03
  never seen a woman in this capacity doing what I was doing.
• 45:08
  And so, but I, even though I knew that I was, and I think
• 45:12
  because I knew I was being watched, I made sure to, to
• 45:16
  really hold myself, you know, in a way that I, I wanted to make
• 45:23
  sure that there was never any way that somebody could say, oh,
• 45:26
  you know, Rachel, there was a question.
• 45:29
  There was a question about Rachel's conduct or her
• 45:32
  character. And I had learned that very
• 45:35
  early on from my dad, who was an entrepreneur and ran his own
• 45:40
  business. And I can remember from a very
• 45:43
  young age, Wesley, he always invited this distributors or the
• 45:50
  men that he was working with closing deals with.
• 45:52
  He would, it wasn't unusual for him to show up at the house and
• 45:56
  say, OK, Erica, I'm bringing so and so home for dinner.
• 45:59
  And we would they would sit at the table, drink iced tea with
• 46:03
  us, eat fried tea, chicken or whatever it was that mom was
• 46:06
  making for dinner. And they were just part of the
• 46:08
  family. There was no pretense.
• 46:10
  My dad didn't act any different at the dinner table than he did
• 46:14
  at the conference table. And people knew that.
• 46:17
  So I witnessed that very early on.
• 46:21
  What I think is different now is that we have this these this
• 46:28
  technology as you and I were wrestling with it earlier.
• 46:31
  We have this whole construct now that allows people to put forth
• 46:39
  only what they want to be seen, that can slice and dice.
• 46:46
  You can look any way you want. You can, you can.
• 46:50
  And we've, and we've got this AI that can write things that are,
• 46:58
  you know, make you sound like, you know, you were an astronaut
• 47:02
  when you basically just, you know, drove the car around the
• 47:04
  corner. But, you know, I mean, we, we
• 47:06
  just live in a world that has allowed us to, to, to, to put on
• 47:13
  these masks to really create these personas of what we, what
• 47:20
  we think the world wants us to be.
• 47:25
  And I do believe that. And I know even for myself, full
• 47:31
  transparency, it has caused anxiety in terms of comparison.
• 47:37
  I'm so glad that it didn't exist while I was in the working world
• 47:40
  and I didn't have to look at what, you know, another VP was
• 47:44
  doing in an, in another market with this and that Da, da, da,
• 47:48
  da. And you couldn't just go and,
• 47:50
  and look up anything on anybody at any time and then go, oh,
• 47:54
  wow, I wonder if, is that really true?
• 47:56
  Did they really do this? Do they really not?
• 47:58
  We just, we just knew, right? I mean, and I, my heart hurts
• 48:05
  when I, when I see, you know, people who are struggling so
• 48:10
  hard to, to check the box and who have, who are so out of
• 48:16
  touch with themselves that they don't, they, they don't even
• 48:22
  know how to be who they really are in the world in which we
• 48:27
  live in, whether that's in a professional environment or, or
• 48:31
  personally. And I believe there, it's why we
• 48:34
  have the incidence in mental health that we have the
• 48:38
  unhappiness that we have the loneliness, the isolation,
• 48:44
  because I don't think people know we don't know how to be who
• 48:48
  God created us to be. And, and even when we do, we
• 48:56
  might not, we might not agree with what, how God made us,
• 48:59
  right? We're seeing that.
• 49:00
  We see that too. And so I, it's just all of this
• 49:04
  that that adds this level of confusion.
• 49:07
  And I think for me, I just always knew who I who I was, how
• 49:13
  I was brought up. And most importantly, over the
• 49:17
  years I've gotten much stronger in who I am in Christ and who
• 49:22
  He's created me to be. And that gives me that grounding
• 49:30
  that keeps me in place. And that's one of the things
• 49:34
  that that I so desperately want for, for my boys who are now
• 49:39
  young adults in their mid 20s, you know, for these young people
• 49:42
  who are finding their way out into the world who may not have.
• 49:48
  I mean, I probably didn't have it in my, in my 20s, but I, I,
• 49:53
  no, I'll take that back. I think I was more firmly
• 49:55
  grounded than I then I probably thought that I was.
• 49:59
  And, and I, I just look at, at today and, and I really want
• 50:05
  people to just be comfortable in their own skin.
• 50:07
  And yet I know that that is a process that we all have to go
• 50:11
  through. It absolutely is and I agree
• 50:14
  that it's very easy to lose yourself, especially in today's
• 50:18
  world when everything is social media driven and you're you're
• 50:23
  so worried about capturing the right photo or video or being
• 50:29
  being present to, to make the impact on social media that
• 50:33
  you're missing life that's going on right in front of you.
• 50:36
  Exactly. I'm definitely guilty of that,
• 50:39
  being a techie myself. Yeah, it happened.
• 50:43
  I think it happens to, it happens to all of us.
• 50:46
  And, and I just think about the fact that, you know, a lot of
• 50:50
  years I spent in direct sales and I was encouraging and women
• 50:54
  and coaching women to step outside and try something new
• 50:58
  and see how it felt. And a lot of them did and a lot
• 51:01
  of them experienced a lot of great success.
• 51:03
  And yet, you know, it was that personal relationship that I was
• 51:08
  building with them. It wasn't called coaching.
• 51:10
  It wasn't called anything other than just, you know, being
• 51:14
  present and leading and encouraging.
• 51:17
  And I think that is one of the gifts that I've been given is
• 51:21
  exhortation and really encouraging people to, to look
• 51:26
  at their gifts and, and providing that extra to lend
• 51:30
  them confidence and support that they might not actually have
• 51:34
  that belief in themselves. But but I have enough that I can
• 51:38
  lend them so that they can try the thing and, and see and see
• 51:43
  how it works out. You know, one of my best phrases
• 51:46
  is so what's the worst thing that could ever happen?
• 51:49
  You know, when when people are wrestling with what is the worst
• 51:52
  thing that could happen, right. And when you do look at things
• 51:56
  that way, it's kind of like, oh, wow.
• 51:58
  Well, OK, so if it didn't work, it would it really be, would it
• 52:01
  be that bad? What?
• 52:02
  What? What's the worst thing that
• 52:03
  could happen? I love that, you know, one of
• 52:08
  the things that I talk about so often when I do podcast
• 52:13
  interviews on other podcasts and he even here on the unmasked
• 52:18
  show is the importance of community.
• 52:22
  Matter of fact here coming up don't Well, by the time this
• 52:27
  airs, it'll have been out. So go back and listen to it.
• 52:30
  I did a whole mini series on the power of community because it is
• 52:34
  just so important in life. And I know you talk about that
• 52:39
  as well with with the term tribe put in in place of community.
• 52:45
  And so when you think about your tribe or your community, why do
• 52:50
  you think it's so essential for healing, especially for the men
• 52:55
  or women out there that may be walking through things like
• 52:59
  grief and isolation? Well, let's, let's, let's look
• 53:06
  at let's look at Jesus for a minute, shall we?
• 53:09
  And Jesus had these 12 guys, didn't he?
• 53:12
  We could call them, we could call them his tribe, OK?
• 53:15
  I mean, they were the disciples. And here's the interesting
• 53:18
  thing. I have to share this with you
• 53:20
  because it's so important. I, I sought out a faith-based
• 53:25
  counselor shortly after John got his diagnosis because I knew
• 53:30
  that I was going to need some strategies on how to cope with
• 53:33
  this. I'd never helped anybody die
• 53:35
  before. And I, I wanted him to finish
• 53:38
  well and I wanted us as a couple to leave it all out on the field
• 53:43
  and, and, and, and yet I knew that I wasn't capable.
• 53:47
  I needed some, I needed some help.
• 53:50
  So I sought out a faith-based counselor and I remember walking
• 53:54
  in her office one day, Wesley and I said, I don't understand.
• 53:59
  I do not understand. I am cranky, I'm irritable, I'm
• 54:03
  not eating, I'm not sleeping. I don't under, I don't
• 54:06
  understand why I'm like this. I have faith.
• 54:09
  I absolutely have faith. And I know that you know that
• 54:12
  God's got me. Jesus has got me.
• 54:14
  I'm Why isn't my faith making this any easier?
• 54:20
  And she very calmly looked at me.
• 54:21
  And she goes, Rachel, she goes, Jesus was a man and Jesus had 12
• 54:29
  guys helping him. Now, you're not Jesus, and you
• 54:34
  probably do need some additional help in the form of, you know,
• 54:40
  letting people do things for you.
• 54:43
  And I, I looked at her and I thought, you know, she's
• 54:48
  absolutely right. And did Jesus have to have these
• 54:52
  12 guys? Wesley, did he need them?
• 54:55
  He was Jesus, right? I mean, he was the Son of God.
• 54:58
  Did he need them? Probably not.
• 55:01
  Did he choose them? Absolutely.
• 55:05
  Did they like make some difficulties in his life?
• 55:09
  Of course they did. But ultimately, look at what
• 55:16
  they did, look at how they served and, and it just and they
• 55:23
  were a tribe, right? They were a tribe.
• 55:26
  They were all. And so when I, when I think
• 55:30
  about that and, and I did, I had, I, I had girlfriends who,
• 55:34
  who would have never known each other except I was the, I was
• 55:39
  the central point at which they all converged.
• 55:41
  And, and for that, for those, you know, those three years they
• 55:47
  were in it, they, they took good care of me.
• 55:50
  They were able to see inside my world and see things that I
• 55:54
  couldn't see. And it was so lovely to have one
• 55:58
  of them just call me and say, OK, Rachel, I'll just come and
• 56:01
  sit with John for a little while, call you, go take a walk,
• 56:04
  you know, or let me get the kids today.
• 56:07
  You don't have to worry about running them to practice or
• 56:09
  doing whatever. And interestingly enough, one of
• 56:13
  those same gals just called me yesterday.
• 56:16
  A very dear friend of hers is dying.
• 56:19
  Her husband is dying of ALS. And they just had the
• 56:22
  appointment where the doctor said, you know, if you're not
• 56:26
  getting the tracheotomy, which is the breathing tube, you
• 56:31
  probably have maybe 3 months. And my girlfriend said to me,
• 56:36
  she goes, what can I do for her? Rachel?
• 56:38
  What can I do for her? I I don't know what to do for
• 56:41
  her. I said, Jackie, I said do for
• 56:46
  her what you did for me. Just be available.
• 56:52
  I knew no matter what, I knew you were working.
• 56:55
  I knew you had your family, I knew you had your husband, your
• 56:59
  business, your life, I said. But what I also knew is that you
• 57:03
  were there and whatever or whenever I needed anything, I
• 57:08
  knew you would be there. I said.
• 57:11
  There's no way that you can take away the pain that they're going
• 57:15
  through. They're scared.
• 57:16
  They're they're one they're questioning their decision.
• 57:21
  I said, but just be there, just be available.
• 57:26
  And you know, that's the other thing, Wesley, that we look at
• 57:30
  from all these guys in the Bible, right?
• 57:33
  They weren't the greatest. They weren't experts in what
• 57:36
  they did. They didn't have resumes out the
• 57:39
  wazoo, but they were available and God used them in amazing
• 57:44
  ways. And so don't under.
• 57:47
  I don't ever underestimate the power of just being available.
• 57:55
  I love, I love that, you know, I, when I talk about community,
• 57:59
  I talk about the 12 disciples as well, you know, because I mean,
• 58:02
  really, when you think about it, right, Jesus had his community
• 58:06
  and his 12 disciples and even when he sent them out to, to
• 58:10
  minister and preach and share his word, he sent them out in
• 58:15
  pairs because 2 is better than one.
• 58:19
  There's the power in community. You support each other, you lift
• 58:22
  each other up, you encourage each other, you know, and it
• 58:25
  goes all the way back to the beginning of the Bible, Adam and
• 58:27
  Eve, right? God's had Adam and said, Hey,
• 58:29
  it's not good for you to be alone.
• 58:31
  And he gave them Eve, you know, so there, there is power in
• 58:34
  community that cannot be replaced.
• 58:38
  And when you're going through something like grief or
• 58:40
  isolation, having been there myself, I can say to having
• 58:45
  somebody that's there and just being willing to come in and
• 58:48
  say, hey, let me go get that for you, right?
• 58:51
  Or, or let me wash the dishes for you so that you don't have
• 58:54
  to worry about it. You know, people out there and
• 58:56
  wash the dishes. That's simple.
• 58:58
  Well, sometimes it's a simple things like that that mean more
• 59:01
  than going and running a millionaire in support.
• 59:05
  Yes, you're so right. You're you're so right.
• 59:08
  And and look at all of the simple acts of kindness that
• 59:11
  Jesus performed. Just simple and and yet so
• 59:17
  powerful, yet so very powerful. You know, when somebody is at
• 59:25
  the end of life and they're they're deeply uncertain, You
• 59:31
  know, they're in the season of uncertainty.
• 59:33
  What are some of the most helpful?
• 59:37
  Or, excuse me, what are some of the most unhelpful faith cliches
• 59:43
  and what do people actually need instead?
• 59:55
  I'm trying to think of the I'm trying to think of the cliches
• 59:58
  because I know that there's so many of that are there.
• 1:00:01
  I remember when they all looked at my son and said, well, you're
• 1:00:04
  the man of the house now. And I was like, no, he's not.
• 1:00:07
  He's 14 years old. He's a young, these are, these
• 1:00:10
  are young boys. You know, he's in a better place
• 1:00:15
  or you know, there's there's so many.
• 1:00:19
  And I I think, well, I will tell you that I I had I had, I had
• 1:00:28
  women who were divorced who said that they, you know, that that I
• 1:00:32
  got it easier that they had wished their husband had died
• 1:00:35
  rather than going through a divorce.
• 1:00:36
  OK, We're really, are you kidding me?
• 1:00:39
  OK, I could doubt that was that was a shocker.
• 1:00:44
  Here's what I'm going to say is that I think sometimes just you,
• 1:00:49
  you don't we get so caught up in having to fill the silence.
• 1:00:53
  Just sit with it. It's OK.
• 1:00:57
  I don't I, I, and this is something that I, I have learned
• 1:01:03
  first hand is that sometimes there are just no words.
• 1:01:07
  There are just no words. I don't have any.
• 1:01:12
  I can't make this better. I can't fix it.
• 1:01:16
  I, I may have some idea how you feel, but you know, maybe I can
• 1:01:22
  just look in your eyes. I can give you a smile, I can
• 1:01:26
  hug you, You know, I can just say I love you and Jesus loves
• 1:01:31
  you more and be and, and just know that I don't I, I realize
• 1:01:37
  now I'm OK with silences. They don't bother me.
• 1:01:42
  I can, I can sit with it and I'm OK if you sit with it too.
• 1:01:49
  So that would be that would be the advice that I could offer
• 1:01:53
  there. And on the on the flip side,
• 1:01:57
  after that person has left us, don't be afraid to talk to me
• 1:02:06
  about him. It might upset me, but not in
• 1:02:13
  the way that you think. OK.
• 1:02:16
  The one thing I don't want is for you or any of us to forget
• 1:02:20
  him. Grief changes.
• 1:02:25
  It changes us, but it also changes it changes as as as we
• 1:02:31
  grow. And you know, me grieving John
• 1:02:37
  15 minutes or 15 days after he died looks very different now 15
• 1:02:42
  years, but I'm I still grieve him.
• 1:02:45
  I still miss him and I still want to talk about him every
• 1:02:51
  chance I get. So those would be, I think,
• 1:02:56
  Wesley, the two things that I could say and and when you don't
• 1:03:00
  know what to say, just know that you don't.
• 1:03:06
  You don't have to say anything. You do don't have to You.
• 1:03:10
  You really don't. Sometimes just having that
• 1:03:14
  person to sit there next to you and maybe rub your back while
• 1:03:18
  you're while you're bawling your eyes out or just just to be that
• 1:03:22
  presence is more than somebody come in and say, and hey, I know
• 1:03:26
  what you're going through. Or, you know, or he's in a
• 1:03:30
  better place, like you said, or you know, or those things which
• 1:03:34
  are meant with the best well-being and positivity that
• 1:03:38
  they can possibly have. But in the moment, they don't
• 1:03:41
  land the way that they're they're intended.
• 1:03:44
  Exactly. Exactly.
• 1:03:46
  Well, Rachel, I have one more question for you that I've, I, I
• 1:03:49
  really want to ask you. But before I ask the question, I
• 1:03:53
  want to give you the chance. We've talked about a lot of deep
• 1:03:57
  stuff here and a lot of a lot of important things I think that
• 1:04:00
  needed to be discussed. And so if the listeners are out
• 1:04:04
  there and they want to find out more about you, where they want
• 1:04:06
  to find your book, where can they find you online?
• 1:04:10
  And what is the name of your book again, and where can they
• 1:04:12
  find it? Absolutely.
• 1:04:15
  So you can find me at spiritedprosperity.com.
• 1:04:19
  That's the name of my business and that is my whole approach to
• 1:04:24
  life and spirited coming from the Holy Spirit and prosperity
• 1:04:28
  not just about your financial, but about prosperity in all
• 1:04:32
  areas of your life. So spirited prosperity.com you
• 1:04:36
  can connect with me on all the social platforms Facebook,
• 1:04:40
  Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube under my name or under spirited
• 1:04:45
  prosperity. The book is called the widow
• 1:04:49
  chose red question mark my journey with Jesus, John and
• 1:04:55
  ALS. It features a picture of me and
• 1:04:57
  the two boys that was actually taken the day of the celebration
• 1:05:01
  of life service. It's available on Amazon.
• 1:05:05
  I also recorded it. It's about 5 hours on Audible.
• 1:05:10
  You can get it there too, and proceeds from both the recorded
• 1:05:14
  version and the written version go to the Live Like Lou
• 1:05:20
  Foundation, which is a boots on the ground organization that
• 1:05:24
  provides support for families who are caring for someone with
• 1:05:30
  ALSI. Love that.
• 1:05:34
  And if you're if you're watching this podcast on YouTube, you can
• 1:05:39
  hopefully see the book over her shoulder there.
• 1:05:42
  And what a what an awesome thing.
• 1:05:44
  And you said you're releasing a second book.
• 1:05:47
  When do you when do you anticipate that coming out?
• 1:05:50
  That will be I'm I'm shooting for Mother's Day of this year
• 1:05:54
  because it's it's called the boys, the Bible and the battles.
• 1:05:59
  And and then the third one will chronicle How I Met a widower
• 1:06:05
  who lost his wife six months after John died and he had four
• 1:06:11
  girls. And Long story short, we dated
• 1:06:14
  10 years long distance and two years ago we took all of our
• 1:06:19
  adult children and got married at the Sea of Galilee.
• 1:06:23
  And so it's will be titled God the Guy and the Girls.
• 1:06:29
  Awesome. Well, if you're out there and
• 1:06:32
  you're listening to that and you're OK, what were those
• 1:06:34
  titles and where can I find those again?
• 1:06:37
  Because I've done that, you know, a million times.
• 1:06:38
  You're driving down the road and you're like, oh, that was really
• 1:06:40
  cool. I'm not going to remember that.
• 1:06:43
  Well, I'll put all that down in the show notes for you so you
• 1:06:45
  can find that. And be sure to be sure to pick
• 1:06:49
  up a copy of those books. I'm sure they're they're a great
• 1:06:51
  read. So Rachel, one of those things
• 1:06:54
  that I absolutely love to do on this on this podcast is I love
• 1:06:59
  to leave my listeners with an action step, something that they
• 1:07:03
  can ponder or implement to kind of take that next step in their
• 1:07:11
  journey of being unmasked. And so the question that I have
• 1:07:15
  for you, for the women out there that are are listening and they
• 1:07:20
  feel spiritually depleted or unseen, what is one small
• 1:07:26
  meaningful step that she can take this week to reconnect with
• 1:07:32
  hope? Take a minute or a few to take
• 1:07:39
  care of yourself and remember how special and how loved you
• 1:07:49
  are by a Heavenly Father who knows you inside and out, who
• 1:07:56
  sees you, who hears you, and who adores you and loves you more
• 1:08:03
  than you may know or even feel at this time.
• 1:08:10
  So whatever that self-care looks like for me, a hot bath does it.
• 1:08:15
  A hot bubble bath does it every single time.
• 1:08:19
  To just take care of yourself physically and give yourself
• 1:08:26
  that break emotionally and mentally.
• 1:08:30
  To remind yourself there's nobody else in the world like
• 1:08:34
  you, nobody else is gifted like you, and nobody loves you like
• 1:08:41
  your Father your Heavenly Father does.
• 1:08:47
  Love it. Well, Rachel, thank you so much
• 1:08:50
  for joining us today on Unmask and trusting us with your story
• 1:08:54
  and your journey. And Wesley, thank you again for
• 1:08:59
  your service, for this platform and for this conversation.
• 1:09:04
  I look forward to talking with you again soon because you know,
• 1:09:12
  we may pull the mask off once, but usually we can sometimes put
• 1:09:18
  it back on again. So you have to keep working at
• 1:09:22
  staying unmasked because in this world that we live in, sometimes
• 1:09:26
  in the habits that we have, it's too easy to put it back on.
• 1:09:30
  So stay with it. And I look forward to talking
• 1:09:33
  with you again soon. Couldn't have said it better
• 1:09:36
  myself. Well, thanks for joining me
• 1:09:44
  today on Unmasked. And a huge thanks once again to
• 1:09:47
  Rachel for sharing with us so openly and honestly and and
• 1:09:52
  vulnerably. You know, if something in this
• 1:09:54
  episode spoke to you, don't let it stop with you.
• 1:09:58
  Share it with the one person that got put on your heart while
• 1:10:01
  you were listening because you never know whose breakthrough
• 1:10:03
  might start with just that simple message from you.
• 1:10:07
  If you want more encouragement, you want to work with me
• 1:10:10
  one-on-one, or you're interested in having me speak at your
• 1:10:13
  church or event, you can find everything that you need to know
• 1:10:16
  at wesleyfernsworth.com. And make sure you join the
• 1:10:19
  Unmasked community by connecting with me on social media so that
• 1:10:23
  we can walk this journey together.
• 1:10:25
  Until next time, remember that grace is greater than your past,
• 1:10:30
  and freedom begins the moment that you choose to live
• 1:10:34
  unmasked. God bless you.