Latest / The Mark Simone Show / Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling.

Transcript

Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling. · The Mark Simone Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's the Mark Simone Show. Live from the WOR LifeVac studios. Well,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: one of our favorite comedians, Jackie the Joke Man, Jackie Martling. Hey,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: by the way, remember Dangerfield? It's a great club, Dangerfield.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: It's back, and it's called Rodney's now. Jackie Martling will
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: be appearing there tomorrow night at 8 o'clock. He'll be
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: there tomorrow night, where Dangerfield was. Rodney's, it's on 1st Avenue.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Next Saturday night, October 3rd, 7 o'clock, he'll be at
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: the brokerage, Belmore, Long Island, with Rich Harkaway. If you
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: want a personalized video, go to cameo.com slash Jackie Martling,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and everything's at his website, jokeland.com, jokeland.com. Jackie Martling, how
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: you doing?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Well, I'd say I was doing great, except I think
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: today might have been my last swim. It's a little
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: rough out there. It's a little crazy. I think we've
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: got a Nor'easter coming, and I think I've got to
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: say goodbye to the summer, which you know how much
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: that bothers me.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he lives right on the beach. That's Long Island Sound.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It's not too cold in there?
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: No, it's still beautiful. I just hope the sound doesn't
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: come to visit my living room.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: That's all.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Long Island's supposed to get the worst of it tomorrow.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's been beautiful. It's been so nice out here,
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: and I love Indian summer. You know, it's just fantastic.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: The water stays warm. You keep swimming, keep having fun,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Are we allowed to say Indian summer anymore? Is it
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: indigenous summer?
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: You know what? I don't know. I always thought it
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: was a really complimentary thing, but so many things I think,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you know, I always thought having a football team named
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: after you was complimentary. But what do I know? You know.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Hey, you're going to be at Rodney's. That used to
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: be Dangerfields. You and I, everybody, we used to spend
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: a lot of time in Dangerfields.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: So it markets exactly the same the state the stage
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: is the same. It's in the same place the small
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: round tables with all jammed in and It's just like
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: walking into a time warp. The only difference is Rodney
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: isn't there and Big Fat Bobby isn't at the door.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Bobby Campbell, the maitre d', all he would ever say
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: to anybody, how many are you? How many are you?
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: It was great fun. I worked there a couple months ago,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and it was just fantastic. You know, the people love it,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: and it just feels like you're back 40 years. It's
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: just a trip, a great trip.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Dangerfields was the best comedy club. Tony Bavacqua, the owner,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: and right in the middle of a crowded room, Rodney
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: would walk into the room in his bathrobe. Do you
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: remember that?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, God. I had nickel for every time I saw
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: him in the bathrobe. Not only in his bathrobe, but
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: what was under it. You know. but it was great
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: fun you know and I got my friend Rich Harkaway
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: opening for me tomorrow night and he's he brought a
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: lot of people in last time so I'm expecting a
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: really fun time I know it's supposed to be bad
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: weather but let's hope we beat.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It that's all yeah it's tomorrow night at Rodney's where
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Dangerfield used to be hey remember in the old Dangerfield
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: days there were these unknown comics there that all became
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: huge stars.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: It was you know you never knew who you know
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: one person could go into oblivion and the next day
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: the next person goes on Johnny Carson and uh It
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: was like a lottery. Nobody knew anything. Nobody knew what
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: was going to happen, you know.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, so Howard Stern's down to one day a week.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Of course, you were a big part of that show
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: for years. What do you think he'll do the rest?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: What does he do the rest of the week?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but it looks like he's working as
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: little as I am. I don't know. You know, good
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: luck to him. Whatever happens is fine by me, you know.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Hey, by the way, he's got, Jackie wrote a great book.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: It's called From Bow to Stern. People can still get
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: that right on Amazon or someplace?
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it actually sells every time. It's really funny. Every
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: time Howard does anything and any kind of hiccup at all,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden sales of my book go up
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: because so many people didn't even know it was available.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: So then when they start searching, all of a sudden
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: my book pops up and they buy it. So it's,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: go buy it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Great stories in the book. It's called From Bow to Stern.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: It's Jackie Martling's book. Autobiography. Get it on Amazon.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: All right. So I got a horrible joke for you.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: So the cave woman yells to her husband, Muckluck, saber-toothed
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: tiger just ran into mother's cave. And her husband says,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Why do I care what happens to a saber-toothed tiger?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: All right. So a guy goes for skydiving lessons. skydiving
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: lessons the instructor says very simple you leap out of
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: the plane you pull the ripcord nothing happens you pull
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: emergency cord that easy guy jumps out of the plane
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: completely forgets what to do you got no idea what
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: to do and he's zooming down zoom zooming down all
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: of a sudden he passes another guy coming up and
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: he says hey man you know anything about parachutes the
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: other guy says no Do you know how to light
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: a gas stove?
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I like that one.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: That's so fun. Adam Sandler, I was on the set of,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: what's it called, Grown Ups 3 the other day. I
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: did some background work just to go say hello to
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: the whole gang. And Adam Sandler told me a great joke.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Two old friends meet on the street, and the first
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: old guy says, so how are you feeling? The second
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: guy says, in a word, good. In two words, not good.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: How great is that? All right, so where would you
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: find a turtle with no legs?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: A turtle with no legs? No, where?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Right where you left them.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I never heard you choke up there for a second.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, I always get choked up.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Hey, Jackie Martin.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Angelo goes up to his neighbor and says, Hey, Tony,
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: you like a woman with the biggest sloppy bazooms drooping
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: down so far? He says, No. He says, You like
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: a woman with a big, huge rear end? She look
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: like a dump truck?
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: He says, No.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Do you like a woman with a big, thick mustache
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: and she smells like garlic all the time? He says,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Of course not. He says, No. Then why you fool
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: around with my wife?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Well, you're coughing a lot. Hey, Jackie Martling, have you
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: been to the new Carnegie Deli since it opened?
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I have not, and I'm so upset because I know
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Sheba Mason did a whole opening thing, and I wrote
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: to her and said, why didn't you have me over there?
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: You know, they used to have six different 8x10s of me,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: like from every different walk of life over the decades.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: And you know that they named... You know, they named
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: a sandwich after Henny Youngman. They named a sandwich after everybody.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: And I used to say to the lady, was it Sandy?
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Was that the woman or the guy?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: The guy, the terrible guy. He's gone.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: And I said to his wife, I said, you know,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: everybody's got a sandwich named after them. Why won't you
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: name a sandwich after me? And she kept ignoring me.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: And finally I went up to her and I said,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: all right, here you go. How about this? Jackie Martling's
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: What Am I, Chopped Liver? And she said it's very funny,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: and then she didn't put me in there. And then
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: they all got caught. But now it's opening, and it's
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: right next door, I suppose.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's where the stage was. It's Marion Harper and
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Sari Harper. The owner's great. It's better than ever. Oh,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I can't wait. They saved all the pictures. They're back
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: up on the walls. I think I saw your picture
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: up there, too. It's one of the pictures.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, now that... You know, I'm a very shallow man,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: and you just made my day. All right, so a
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears a grunt,
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: but then the priest doesn't hear anything, so he bangs
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: on the wall. The drunk says, forget it, buddy. There's
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: no paper in this one either. All right, so the
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: doctor says, my friend.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: You have an incurable disease. There's nothing I can do.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: The guy says, come on, doc. You got any advice
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: for me at all? The doctor says, take three mud
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: baths every day. The guy says, will that prolong my life?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: He says, no. But it'll get you used to the dirt.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: That's a little dark, but it's fun.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: No, that's a good joke.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: What is the deal, Mark?
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: What is the deal with sex nowadays?
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: You're asking me? I don't know.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Times have changed. Nowadays, girls... They don't want to cuddle.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: They just want to get paid and get out of
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: the car. That's a little bad. No, that's good.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Go, you actually stopped. Hey, if I have to speak
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: somewhere and I got three or four jokes I want
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to open with, I got to write them down. I
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: got to sneak a look. I can't remember. How the
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: hell do you remember an hour of a million jokes?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Well, because that's what I do. That's all I do.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: You know, you do what you do. I do what
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I do. You know, when a doctor's operating on somebody,
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: he doesn't have a textbook there saying, well, now take
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: out this and now take it, you know. If you
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: saw a doctor take out a textbook, you'd get up
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: and run out of the room, right?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: That's a good point. Well, you do it every night
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: of your life.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Here's a question. I got a question for you. Your
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: wife is barking at the front door and your dog
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: is barking at the back door. Which one do you
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: let in? You let in the dog because he stops
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: barking after you let him in. As a single man,
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: you can laugh at that.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: That's true. We're just about out of time, but I
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: just want to remind you. Jackie Martin, tomorrow night he's
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: appearing at Rodney's. That's the place that used to be Dangerfield.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: It's on First Avenue. It's now called Rodney's. He'll be
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: there tomorrow night at 8 o'clock. Next Saturday night, a
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: week from tomorrow, he'll be at Brokerage, Belmore, Long Island.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: And get his book. If you haven't read his book,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: it's a great book. It's called From Bow to Stern.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: It's on Amazon. And everything's at your website, right? Jokeland.com.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Everything's on Jokeland.com. And hello to the boys at Bayville Seafood.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: They're sad to see the summer go, but people keep
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: eating shrimp and lobster. It doesn't matter if it's a
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: billion degrees or five below. Everybody's eating seafood. So hello,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: boys at Bayville Seafood.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: All right. Everybody go to Jackie's website, Jokeland.com. Jackie Martling,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: thanks for being with us.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I got one more.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: All right. Go ahead.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: So a guy says, Doc, I'm having trouble with my
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: love life. The doctor exams him and says, Well, it
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: seems you're having some problems because you need some work
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: done to bring back your sex drive. I can do
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: a series of operations that will take 30 days and
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: cost $ 12, 000. Or I can do one operation and you'll
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: be good to go the next day, but that's $ 30, 000.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: So the next day the guy comes back to the
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: doctor and the doctor says, What did you decide?
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: He says.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: We're going to redo the kitchen.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Jackie Marling.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Mark.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being with us. Take care.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: All right. Thank you, buddy. Bye-bye.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Thanks. Just go to his website, Jokeland.com. Hey, we're just
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: coming up at noon. Buck Sexton and Clay Travis. Listen today.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: It's Mike Mamone's final day. Oh, he's a legendary engineer.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Does that show. Did Rush for years. They'll talk about
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: it on the show.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Noon.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Then at 3 o'clock, you get the most listened to
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: radio show in America, Sean Hannity. And don't forget Curtis Sliwa,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Larry Menti, every morning, 6 to 9 on 710WOR.