Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a New Parent
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, I've been thinking about a mentorship challenge that almost nobody talks about, and it hits a huge chunk of the workforce. Luna: Okay, I'm biting. What is it? Lucas: Finding a mentor when you're a new parent. You've got a three-month-old at home, you're running on four hours of sleep, and every networking event starts at six PM, which is exactly when your baby decides it's time to scream. Luna: Oh, that's so real. And honestly, I think a lot of parents just quietly give up on mentorship during those first few years, assuming they'll pick it back up later. Lucas: Right. And that's a mistake, because the early years of your career are usually when you need that guidance the most. So today, let's talk about how to actually make mentorship work when you're drowning in diapers and daycare logistics. Luna: And if today helps you think through your own situation, the way we keep this podcast ad-free is listener support. You can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, that genuinely helps us keep going. But back to the topic at hand: the first thing to realize is that the traditional mentorship model—regular lunch meetings, after-work drinks, long coffee chats—simply doesn't work for a sleep-deprived parent. Luna: So what does work? Because I feel like a lot of parents think, 'I can't even commit to a monthly meeting, so why bother?' Lucas: Exactly. And that's where we need to reframe. Instead of trying to force the old model, you have to design a mentorship relationship that fits your reality. And the key word here is asynchronous. Luna: Asynchronous mentoring. That sounds like something from a tech company's engineering culture. Lucas: It is, but it works beautifully for parents. Think about it: you're not going to have a block of uninterrupted time during the day, but you will have fifteen minutes here and there—while the baby naps, when you're waiting for daycare pickup, that kind of thing. Luna: So instead of a live meeting, you're sending a voice memo or a thoughtful email back and forth. Lucas: Right. And there are real examples of this working. I talked to a product manager at a mid-sized tech firm, a dad of twins, who found a mentor through his company's parents' employee resource group, or ERG. They explicitly agreed to communicate via voice memos and a shared document with questions and feedback. Luna: And that worked? I'd worry that without live conversation, you lose the spontaneity and the bond. Lucas: Actually, he said it was more focused. Because both of them knew their time was limited, they prepared better. Each voice memo was like a mini-coaching session. And they did meet in person once a quarter over a working lunch, which they scheduled around daycare pickup. Luna: So it's about quality over quantity, and being intentional. But how do you actually find a mentor who's open to that format? Because I imagine a lot of senior leaders are used to the traditional way. Lucas: That's a great question. And the answer is to be upfront from the start. When you reach out to someone, say, 'I'm a new parent, my schedule is unpredictable, but I'd love to explore a mentorship relationship that works asynchronously—voice memos, email, whatever works.' You'd be surprised how many people appreciate that honesty. Luna: And some will say no, but those who say yes are probably the right ones. Lucas: Exactly. The other avenue is peer mentoring. If you're a new parent, the person who gets your situation most is another new parent. And those relationships often form naturally in parents' ERGs or even through daycare pickup. Luna: So it's not just about finding a senior person—it's about building a network of peers who are going through the same thing. Lucas: Right. And peer mentoring can be incredibly valuable because you can share tips on navigating parental leave policies, negotiating flexible schedules, even just commiserating in a way that a senior leader without kids might not fully grasp. Luna: But what about when you're actually on parental leave? You're out of the office for months, and you might feel like you're falling off everyone's radar. Lucas: That's a critical moment. And the best advice I've heard is to schedule a check-in with a mentor before you leave and another one for right when you come back. It keeps you connected and shows that you're thinking strategically about your return. Luna: So it's about maintaining the relationship even when you're not actively working. Lucas: Yeah. And on that first check-in after you're back, you can ask your mentor to help you identify the fastest way to get back up to speed. They can point you to key projects, emerging priorities, even just tell you what changed in the org chart while you were out. Luna: That's so valuable. I remember a friend who came back from leave and had no idea her entire team had been reorganized. A mentor could have given her that heads-up. Lucas: Exactly. And let's not forget the power of reverse mentorship here. A new parent might actually have something to teach a senior leader about time management or prioritization. You become an expert at squeezing value out of every minute. Luna: That's a good point. So it's not just about what you get, but what you can offer. Lucas: And that's what makes the relationship a true partnership. Now, one more practical tip: use your company's ERG for parents. Those groups are often looking for speakers, and if you find a senior person to share their experience, you can make a connection organically. Luna: So you're not just attending events, you're helping organize them. Lucas: Exactly. And that gives you a reason to talk to senior leaders in a low-pressure setting. You're both there for the same purpose—supporting parents in the workplace. Luna: That feels very doable, even with a baby at home. Lucas: It is. And honestly, the parent phase can actually make you a better mentee. You're forced to be efficient, to prepare, to make every interaction count. Those are skills that serve you the rest of your career. Luna: I love that reframing. So if someone is listening and they're a new parent, what's the one thing you'd tell them to do this week? Lucas: I'd say, identify one person you admire—someone who's a few steps ahead in their career—and send them a short, honest message. Tell them you're a new parent, you have limited time, but you'd love to exchange voice memos or emails once a month. Keep it simple, keep it real. Luna: And if they say yes, you're in. And if they say no, you've lost nothing. Lucas: Right. And remember, mentorship isn't about finding someone who has all the answers. It's about finding someone who can help you ask better questions. And that's possible even with a crying baby in the background. Luna: Especially with a crying baby in the background. That's a great note to end on.