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Rewiring Your Inner Critic: The Role of Hypnosis & Law of Attraction · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

• 0:05
  Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violence.
• 0:07
  Mary: I'm your host, Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner.
• 0:13
  Mary: I've created a space where we celebrate the intuition and power of women who want to break free from limiting narratives.
• 0:20
  Mary: We'll explore all realms of wellness, what it means to take up space unapologetically, and how your essential nature is key to living life on your terms.
• 0:29
  Mary: It's time to own your space, trust your nature and flourish.
• 0:34
  Mary: Let's dive in.
• 0:35
  Mary: Hi and welcome to the show.
• 0:42
  Mary: I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about messages from her parents that she got growing up, words that she, like many of us, take to heart and allow to limit us in how we take up our space in the world.
• 0:54
  Mary: Those early judgments carry a lot of weight and sometimes the women, or really anyone, that allow these hurtful words or experiences to create beliefs that limit their narratives are some of the most amazing, bright, emotionally intelligent and sensitive people I know.
• 1:13
  Mary: Those beliefs are what cognitive behavioral therapists will call irrational beliefs.
• 1:19
  Mary: I like to qualify the term irrational because I think this word itself is often applied to women who show socially unacceptable emotions like anger.
• 1:31
  Mary: So for CBT cognitive behavioral therapy purposes, irrational simply means that it has no basis.
• 1:38
  Mary: In fact, there is no evidence that it's true.
• 1:42
  Mary: We all have these beliefs.
• 1:44
  Mary: One of mine is that I'm too much for some people.
• 1:47
  Mary: I have to remind myself sometimes that if that's true, it's a them problem.
• 1:54
  Mary: Irrational beliefs fuel our negative thoughts.
• 1:56
  Mary: Example irrational belief I'm a burden to my family.
• 2:01
  Mary: Negative thought I can't ask for support.
• 2:04
  Mary: Sometimes it's hard to tease apart the beliefs and the thoughts.
• 2:08
  Mary: The negative thoughts hence self-talk tend to be easier to identify.
• 2:14
  Mary: And those are the words, the insidious, silent, judgmental words of our inner critic.
• 2:21
  Mary: Many people name theirs.
• 2:23
  Mary: It makes it easier to tell them to shut up.
• 2:25
  Mary: Today we're going to dig a bit into how our inner critic operates and, because you know I love to leave you with doables, we're going to talk about some ways we can start to quiet or even challenge that bleepity, bleep inner critic.
• 2:40
  Mary: My guest today is Julie Van Elswyk.
• 2:43
  Mary: She is a worthiness and law of attraction coach who has guided hundreds of women to rewire self-ridicule into deep inner support and lasting confidence, helping them create lives that feel peaceful, aligned and fulfilling.
• 2:57
  Mary: Here is a quote I found on Julie's bio page: "I do this work because I know the strength and brilliance women carry and I also know how often they turn that energy inward, criticizing themselves or carrying burdens that were never theirs to hold.
• 3:14
  Mary: I believe that when a woman heals and finds her freedom, it creates a ripple effect that uplifts the world around her.
• 3:21
  Mary: Wow, I could have written those sentences myself.
• 3:25
  Mary: They totally resonate for me.
• 3:27
  Mary: So welcome to no Shrinking Violets, julie.
• 3:32
  Julie: Thank you, Mary.
• 3:33
  Julie: Thank you so much for having me.
• 3:34
  Julie: I'm happy to be here.
• 3:36
  Mary: We have so much to talk about.
• 3:38
  Mary: Just reading all the information, the little bit of talking we were able to do, I know that we're gonna have some rich conversation today.
• 3:46
  Mary: So how about, if we start with, could you share just a bit of your personal story and what led you to do the work you're doing?
• 3:55
  Julie: Yes, of course.
• 3:55
  Julie: So I started my life entering into a large family and I had a wonderful family, but I think my filter as a sensitive child led to me feeling a bit anonymous being in a group that size, and so as I grew and developed my own coping skills, I believe a lot of insecurity was involved there.
• 4:22
  Julie: Well, fast forward to my early 30s and my oldest son was diagnosed with leukemia.
• 4:32
  Julie: Now we know that these huge events in our lives are often turning points, and it certainly was for me.
• 4:38
  Julie: We went through three and a half years of chemotherapy.
• 4:42
  Julie: We went through a misdiagnosis where we were told we were going to lose him.
• 4:46
  Julie: It was.
• 4:48
  Julie: There was a lot of trauma, and after coming through that, I started hyper-focusing on what he ate, on what all of us ate, on what we took into our minds, into our bodies environmental toxins and what I really found is that I had quite a bit of PTSD.
• 5:09
  Julie: I really needed to examine not only what I'd been through with my son, but when I went to a therapist and was treated through EMDR therapy.
• 5:21
  Julie: Through EMDR therapy it really went back to my childhood.
• 5:30
  Julie: I had blamed myself so much along the way and talked so critically to myself all along the way that, of course, when my son was diagnosed, I blamed me.
• 5:36
  Julie: I felt like cancer had come in in the night and violated my child right under my nose.
• 5:44
  Julie: That was how it felt in my heart that I had allowed this to happen.
• 5:51
  Julie: So, going through EMDR, I did a boatload of healing.
• 5:55
  Julie: I learned how I was talking to myself and, coming out of EMDR even with that thousand pounds lifted from my shoulders I sought coaching.
• 6:06
  Julie: I went through hypnosis.
• 6:08
  Julie: I started listening to recordings and this really led me to the path where I sought out my own training to become a coach, to study law of attraction, to study worthiness in women to be certified as a hypnosis practitioner worthiness in women to be certified as a hypnosis practitioner, because I saw how much these tools helped me really clean up the wiring.
• 6:31
  Julie: You know, my trauma therapy did a boatload of the work, but afterwards I really was stuck in these old patterns of thought that needed a new practice and when I realized the power of this in my own life, I really wanted to be able to share that with the world and truly there's nothing that brings me more joy.
• 6:54
  Mary: Wow, that's quite a journey, and I think it's also not uncommon that when anything goes awry, especially with our children, women tend to look at what have I done that has created this Right?
• 7:07
  Mary: Yeah, and it sounds like you, once the diagnosis happened, you really were scrambling to sort of smooth the way and try to make it an easier path and like worrying about everything, about everything.
• 7:21
  Julie: Oh, absolutely Really, it was striving for control, for control of my future, of my son's future, that this was not going to happen again under my watch.
• 7:37
  Julie: And no one can carry that kind of burden.
• 7:38
  Julie: I mean, life unfolds and we learn and we grow.
• 7:42
  Julie: But you know, both my work with mindset, work in the scientific realm but also in the spiritual realm, has really helped me to get into more of what I call, or what law of attraction speak would call, a state of allowing, where we can say you know, my job today is to be in my alignment with my soul and to be in alignment with how I feel, best shining in the world, to work through and acknowledge my emotions without guilt and then to be able to let go, to be able to really flow with the river.
• 8:20
  Julie: And I think when we resist that flow is when a lot of anxiety creeps in.
• 8:28
  Mary: Oh for sure, yeah, for sure.
• 8:30
  Mary: And it's so interesting to me because, over and over again, it doesn't matter how long I do the work I do or on the podcast with my guests, even in my own life.
• 8:41
  Mary: So often our personal journey is what leads us to the work that we do.
• 8:47
  Mary: Yes, so the one thing I want to clarify if anyone doesn't know what EMDR is, it is when someone who has been trained will use eye movement to help someone process and I'm going to loosely use the word resolve trauma.
• 9:05
  Mary: It's really a cool way to use our brain and our neurons to kind of process and find a place to hold trauma.
• 9:15
  Mary: Does that sound pretty accurate, julie?
• 9:18
  Julie: Yes, absolutely, and it connects the lobes of your brain I mean more about the scientific aspect of this than I do but in a way where you can access things that, in your conscious, active mind, aren't readily available.
• 9:34
  Mary: Yeah, and I think when it first came out and we're taking a side tangent here, but I think when it first came out people were like what?
• 9:40
  Mary: But as we're learning about sleep, you know the REM stage of sleep, where our eye movement happens, is they found part of what helps us to process memories and things while we sleep, and that EMDR sort of mirrors some of that same stuff.
• 9:58
  Mary: So it's really pretty cool.
• 9:59
  Mary: So now in the work you do, who do you primarily work with and what would be examples of some of the challenges that your clients might face?
• 10:10
  Julie: Yeah well, self-critical women that want to feel better, that want to align with their worth, that might see some self-sabotage, even if they don't know where it's coming from.
• 10:22
  Julie: I really not only relate, but can see the path forward with clients that are really quite hard on themselves, and when they come into this work, a lot of the challenges are revolving around anxiety or holding themselves back or shying away from opportunities that they might really be excited about and maybe even avoiding creating the life of their dreams.
• 10:54
  Julie: Playing small, in other words.
• 10:57
  Mary: Yeah, that is so much about what I talk about on my show is taking up your space, and I think sometimes those messages and we're going to get into a little more of the sort of this inner critic idea but I think sometimes those messages are so ingrained that, as you're saying, they're impacting our decisions and behaviors and sometimes we don't even know it, because I think in what I do it can be really hard for some people to hear those thoughts, those negative thoughts that might be saying something like are you kidding, you can't do that, or you know we so often hear the term imposter syndrome when we try to do something and we think I'm not cut out for this, or this other person can do this better than I can, or this other person can do this better than I can.
• 11:48
  Mary: So I think, first of all, being able to really hear those thoughts and then challenge them is important.
• 11:51
  Mary: So, in the work that you do, when you know that someone is stuck in this kind of self-critical cycle, where do you begin?
• 12:00
  Mary: Like, what are some of the first steps you might take with them?
• 12:03
  Julie: Right, well, you're absolutely right that a lot of times it's not recognized what these thoughts are actually conveying might not come out in clear, full sentences, right that that someone can easily acknowledge.
• 12:17
  Julie: So we just slow down the process and we first look at the feelings.
• 12:22
  Julie: Well, when do you feel low?
• 12:25
  Julie: And let's talk about some of the messages in that moment.
• 12:30
  Julie: Let's say you showed up to an event.
• 12:33
  Julie: You know it will be different for each client, but well, I showed up to an event and when I went home I really was ruminating about that event.
• 12:41
  Julie: Okay, what was some of that rumination about?
• 12:44
  Julie: We'll really kind of break it down and slow it down to be able to see what those messages are actually saying, because awareness is the first step.
• 12:54
  Julie: What are you telling yourself?
• 12:56
  Julie: And a lot of these women?
• 12:57
  Julie: They've done some of the deeper work and so when they come to me they're really quite frustrated that their mind is still playing an old tape, they're using an old wiring that was probably reinforced for years and years.
• 13:14
  Julie: And they'll say but consciously, I know this isn't true, Consciously, I know that I can do this, or I know that I don't need to worry about what others think about me, for instance, but their minds are really stuck in an old neural pathway.
• 13:32
  Julie: That's quite practiced.
• 13:33
  Julie: So we bring awareness to it and a lot of these steps that I go through are actually in my Release, the Inner Critic workbook that I offer online If you just go to my website at julievcoachingcom.
• 13:49
  Julie: But bringing awareness is step one and then what we'll do is understand the intent behind that voice.
• 13:56
  Julie: You know, a lot of times we can look at that inner critic and say, well, why are you doing this to me?
• 14:03
  Julie: I'm going to push against you, you are against me.
• 14:07
  Julie: It'll become this inside battle.
• 14:09
  Julie: When we know from Carl Jung that what we resist does persist, it will rest harder.
• 14:17
  Julie: And when we understand the intent of this inner critic, if we really can examine that and have a little compassion for it, it changes the course of the entire dialogue.
• 14:30
  Julie: It changes the course of what we feel empowered to do.
• 14:34
  Julie: As far as changing that voice, A lot of the times the intent is to protect us, to keep us safe.
• 14:43
  Julie: Maybe someone had some embarrassing moments around standing up in front of a group or shining in some way, and so from that very primal or young age they might have had a voice that says play small, don't stand up, don't draw attention to yourself.
• 15:01
  Julie: Stand up, don't draw attention to yourself, You're going to embarrass yourself.
• 15:08
  Julie: And that voice becomes, when it's trying to protect us, at a young age typically, although it can start later in life it becomes a way that is outdated.
• 15:17
  Julie: It becomes a way that is holding you back when you've outgrown a lot of those same thoughts or a lot of those same fears.
• 15:24
  Julie: So, identifying what it's trying to do, examining that fear and then soothing the fear, giving it compassion.
• 15:33
  Julie: I understand that at one point standing up in front of a group was really terrifying to me and I did want to protect myself.
• 15:44
  Julie: And it makes a lot of sense that this voice is telling me this.
• 15:47
  Julie: But give it some compassion, Because when that fear is seen and given some understanding, it can also be given the room to redefine.
• 15:58
  Mary: For sure.
• 15:59
  Mary: And when these inner critical thoughts develop early, it does often come from parents.
• 16:06
  Mary: And this is not parent blaming, because I think sometimes we may inadvertently say or do something that lands really hard on someone.
• 16:15
  Mary: Even as adults, I think sometimes we don't always know the impact that we're having or how somebody might take something.
• 16:22
  Mary: But you're exactly right that we are trying to figure out the whole time.
• 16:28
  Mary: We're children how am I supposed to navigate this?
• 16:31
  Mary: And we look to those people in our lives as we're growing up to get those clues.
• 16:38
  Mary: So if there's something that someone doesn't like or someone may make even an offhanded comment about oh I didn't think you would be any good at baseball, or I didn't think you were a good writer, we can start to internalize that and oh, maybe I'm not supposed to be this.
• 16:55
  Mary: And even when, as you're saying, like we might do something where we might start with confidence, and we get up in front of a group and we don't do well, and then our amygdala, that little part of our brain that's always scanning to keep us safe, is like oh, you don't want to do that again.
• 17:16
  Mary: So you're right, it's interesting how some of these things develop and when we resist them.
• 17:24
  Mary: You're exactly right.
• 17:25
  Mary: If we don't go there, if we continue to kind of say it's going to feel much easier to just not even try, then that's one more way we've just sort of strengthened that limitation.
• 17:40
  Mary: So I think pushing into that is important and understanding the emotion, because sometimes I have clients who will say I'm not thinking anything, I just feel anxiety.
• 17:52
  Mary: And so I think when you talk about accepting the feeling, befriending the feeling, and then you can understand where it's coming from and even befriending that critic because really you're right, they are trying to keep us safe, understand where it's coming from and even befriending that critic, because really you're right, they are trying to keep us safe.
• 18:08
  Mary: So being able to even have that dialogue, that, okay, understand that you're worried about this, but we're going to try to do it anyway you can feel like, oh my God, I'm talking to myself, but I think that can be sort of an avenue to lessen how strong the fear or anxiety might be.
• 18:28
  Julie: Absolutely.
• 18:29
  Julie: And if there's one thing I'm in favor of, it is talking to oneself.
• 18:32
  Julie: Yeah, a wonderful tool, because we do have these parts inside us that come from different times in our lives or different perceptions, and really you know the one child that might be impacted by the statement of the parent that I'm surprised that you're good at baseball.
• 18:53
  Julie: Another child might not take that in and perceive it in the same sort of way or draw the same message from it.
• 19:01
  Julie: So I have some compassion now being a parent of some of my children are adults now, and to be a parent and look back and say, wow, you know, parents really are doing their best and have very little control over how their children are going to interpret certain things.
• 19:21
  Julie: You know some things are just not right to say to kids or damaging overall, but many things you know our kids and kids in general can draw through their own filter.
• 19:32
  Julie: So I think that communication with kids, but then also within ourselves, talk to yourself, because now there's an opportunity to look back at that little version of you that was frozen in time at that place and have a reasonable conversation.
• 19:48
  Julie: In other words, parenting that inner child, right To be able to say you know what?
• 19:54
  Julie: You're stuck there, I get it.
• 19:55
  Julie: I have compassion.
• 19:57
  Julie: You can look it in the eyes as I tell my clients have compassion for it.
• 20:02
  Julie: And then you can be the parent to help coach that fear, to help coach that voice and say you know what, though?
• 20:09
  Julie: We've outgrown this there.
• 20:12
  Julie: It's time to move on.
• 20:14
  Julie: It's time to shine at this point.
• 20:16
  Julie: What was helping all those years ago is now hurting us, and so, having that conversation with yourself, even if it feels silly to say it's time to move on, it's time to get bigger, it's time to grow.
• 20:30
  Julie: Here's how you can help me now, and that goes into the second part of redefining and reframing and giving that inner voice a new message what do you want to hear?
• 20:43
  Julie: How do you want to support yourself?
• 20:46
  Julie: Give yourself the messages that you want your inner voice to say, because those need to be repeated.
• 20:54
  Julie: That's where, in my work, you know we'll go through coaching.
• 20:57
  Julie: But I also make hypnotic recordings because when the brain slows down out of our active beta frequencies, where everything's moving a little faster, we're very aware of our outer world.
• 21:12
  Julie: When it slows down, say when you're falling asleep or when you're in the shower and you're just zoned out, your brain shifts from those beta frequencies into alpha, and alpha is more so what children are in at below the age of 12.
• 21:30
  Julie: You can correct me if I'm wrong that they're primarily an alpha in this more daydreamy state where they're so imprintable and they learn music easily and languages more easily.
• 21:44
  Julie: And we can purposefully slow our minds down in meditation to those alpha frequencies and then give ourselves the messages that we want to more efficiently imprint and integrate the messages that when I create recordings for my clients.
• 22:03
  Julie: Those words come straight from my clients how do you want to talk to yourself, how do you want to feel?
• 22:10
  Julie: And the brain learns through repetition.
• 22:13
  Julie: You know I've heard it more than once and I believe it that beliefs are repeated thoughts and if we can give ourselves different repeated thoughts and really emotionally attached to them, we can create different beliefs and a new inner dialogue that is supportive and kind.
• 22:33
  Mary: Well, I definitely want to talk more about hypnosis because it is so far into my own work and I think there might be a lot of misconception around it, so I want to definitely dig into that a little bit.
• 22:47
  Mary: But I also want to kind of circle back a little bit and reinforce that for many of us we developed certain things to truly keep us safe, that sometimes we may have had a home life where we stayed small, to stay under the radar, to stay safe and so, as you're saying, to now maybe thank that part of us that protected us.
• 23:14
  Mary: But also sometimes I think of it.
• 23:16
  Mary: As you know, I think we all have one of those friends where we love them, but every now and then they come out with something and we're like, really.
• 23:25
  Mary: So I think if we can even inject a little bit of humor into this idea of sort of befriending, thanking this inner critic and saying, okay, now you can step over here because we're sort of going to rewrite the narrative, I always think throwing a little humor in can help.
• 23:47
  Mary: But if we can think of it in that way, as it really is kind of that friend who will do anything, can help a little bit.
• 23:56
  Mary: So let's go back to the idea of hypnosis because, you know, I think for a long time, until I became educated, hypnosis to me was what we would see in some of those sketches on stage where somebody would have the pocket watch and you're getting very sleepy.
• 24:15
  Mary: So can you tell us a little bit about what hypnosis really is and a little bit more of how you use that with your clients?
• 24:24
  Julie: Yes, absolutely, and it was the same for me.
• 24:27
  Julie: When I heard the word hypnosis growing up, it was the stage show.
• 24:31
  Julie: Hypnosis in my work is slowing the brain into a very relaxed and allowing state and then being able to integrate messages and take suggestions.
• 24:47
  Julie: In my work it is only the suggestions that are from my clients that I'm giving, but my clients are in full control.
• 24:56
  Julie: If they wanted to, they could just get up and stop the process.
• 25:01
  Julie: It is a friendly process where I am saying you know, if anything doesn't sound like it's in your alignment, we want to default to your gut instinct, to your intuition, first and foremost.
• 25:16
  Julie: So if there's any words you want me to change, you know after we're done they'll say you know before you send me the recording, maybe alter that word or take that word out, because I have a history with that word or whatever it may be.
• 25:30
  Julie: So it really is just a slowing, a relaxed state.
• 25:36
  Julie: I think how people are put into hypnosis can vary.
• 25:40
  Julie: I just run them through relaxing their body parts, focusing on their breathing.
• 25:46
  Julie: We'll go down a set of hypothetical stairs, just visualizing getting into that internal focus where the outside world just drifts away and the inside world becomes very real.
• 26:02
  Mary: Well, we are made to think, and I think that's where we get into a lot of trouble.
• 26:06
  Mary: But what people don't maybe recognize in everyday life is that our brain has a lot of different states to access and that's part of why we are able to heal.
• 26:19
  Mary: So it sounds like you sort of take them through, steps that kind of make the brain more receptive to healing.
• 26:28
  Mary: Some of this Is that accurate.
• 26:31
  Julie: That is accurate.
• 26:32
  Julie: Yes, and when we can slow down the brain, what we're doing is we're bypassing the critical mind, the part of the brain that sort of filters things out and hyper focuses and can jump around.
• 26:44
  Julie: We're getting to the places of stillness where we can integrate information more easily, where we can access information more easily.
• 26:56
  Julie: It's that daydreamy state and, as you said, this is a perfectly natural state.
• 27:02
  Julie: It's a sleepy type of state, sleepy but aware.
• 27:06
  Julie: Right, our brain naturally goes through these cycles of being in Delta, which is the slowest, and then theta, which is that dream state, and alpha, the daydreamy state, and then beta, our awake brain, and high beta is that fight, flight, freeze.
• 27:22
  Julie: So it's really just voluntarily taking your brain and slowing it down, coaching it into some slowness to be able to integrate and process information more efficiently integrate and process information more efficiently.
• 27:40
  Mary: Yeah, that's really cool.
• 27:41
  Mary: And do you create the recordings while you are sharing a space with a client?
• 27:45
  Julie: I do.
• 27:45
  Julie: So, I am very intentional before I go into a session with a client, I'm entering into their space, into their.
• 27:56
  Julie: I'm entering into their space, into their energy field and this is a sacred place, and so I'm very conscious of my clarity.
• 28:05
  Julie: Going in, I leave my baggage at the door.
• 28:08
  Julie: I have a little mental process that I go through, where I ask for higher guidance and I go into a session knowing that I'm entering for lack of a better way to put it into someone else's space, into their sacred chamber.
• 28:27
  Julie: Right, they're trusting me with their information and, as a result of that, I feel what they're going through and I can often receive messages that feel like they're in their higher alignment.
• 28:40
  Julie: So what I do is I, when we get to the place in the session, that we create a recording which is maybe about every other session or or even every third, if a recording still really resonating.
• 28:53
  Julie: We might go every third, but they're progressive recordings.
• 28:57
  Julie: We might go every third, but they're progressive recordings.
• 29:05
  Julie: And when we start a recording, I call myself into a relaxed state where I am more, even more, receptive to information and my intuition to inspiration better way to put it.
• 29:14
  Julie: So what we do is we create the recording right then and there, and I use my inspired intuition to go through the recording, to create the recording on the spot based off of our conversation, based off of what they have let me know that is powerful to them, that are truths they want to integrate at this point in our journey together and things we've broken down and aha moments that they might've had, and I'll integrate all of this, including anything I'm inspired to say which they'll report back, is sometimes the most powerful moments in my own process of letting go.
• 29:55
  Julie: So, yes, we record it on the spot and then, after the call, I will spend some time just cleaning anything up.
• 30:04
  Julie: I need to clean up and I put it to some beautiful music and create a lovely tool for these clients to start where they are and be able to enter into a space of both integration but also up leveling their general state of frequency, their general mood, their being able to align more with their true selves through these recordings.
• 30:30
  Mary: Well, even as you're talking, I sort of feel my shoulders dropping.
• 30:33
  Mary: First of all, you have a great voice for it, thank you.
• 30:38
  Mary: But just thinking about that whole process and I'm struck so often.
• 30:43
  Mary: It doesn't matter how long I do this work, but I'm struck so often that when someone is in a space with another person, the beauty of that and being able to allow a client whether it's in a coaching relationship, in a therapy relationship, but really inviting the client to the table that we aren't an expert I always shy away from that word, but you're exactly right in sort of being able to access the feeling of connection with a client and there is a sense of this is the direction to go, but also being able to check with them.
• 31:26
  Mary: You know how's that feel to you.
• 31:27
  Mary: Does this feel right?
• 31:30
  Julie: And that really is the key, because a good coach or therapist, I'm sure it's about the client, it's about their alignment, and so, from the jump, if there is anything that I am saying that they go.
• 31:49
  Julie: No, you know, that doesn't feel like the right direction.
• 31:52
  Julie: We pivot because they have that compass inside them, and that's my only job.
• 31:59
  Julie: My job is not to implement my way.
• 32:03
  Julie: My job is not to implement some sort of higher wisdom that they don't have access to.
• 32:09
  Julie: It's about guiding them back to them, because I believe we all have access to our own higher wisdom, and when we can not use my coaching as a constant way to come into alignment, no, my job is to coach them to find their own alignment, and that's, I think, what we all truly want 100%, and you touched on something I talk about a lot which is essential nature that I do believe that inside we all know, but we have such a noisy world that we've lost our connection to that.
• 32:50
  Mary: You talked about the ages of 8 to 12.
• 32:52
  Mary: And I don't know the exact research on that, but I do know that kids know what they want and you know.
• 33:00
  Mary: Then, as we are socialized or we have traumas or we have a certain type of family of origin, these are the layers that I think start to be put over our true self, kind of like a blanket over our essential nature.
• 33:16
  Mary: But I think that just in doing things the way you do, you are creating empowerment, which I feel like in the beginning of the process that's what the inner critic is taking away.
• 33:29
  Mary: So you're empowering the client from the gate to be able to say, yeah, this feels right.
• 33:37
  Mary: No, this doesn't feel right, and it also strikes me.
• 33:41
  Mary: So I facilitate programs on sleep.
• 33:44
  Mary: I had my own struggles, especially when I hit midlife, and so I love facilitating sleep, and a lot of what I do is aligned with nature, and so that's a whole thing.
• 33:56
  Mary: But part of this hypnosis is accessing some of those states that we go through in sleep that are so healing and that without a process during the day of hypnosis.
• 34:11
  Mary: Some of us may not even truly access that at night because we're not great sleepers.
• 34:18
  Mary: So I love that.
• 34:20
  Julie: And then wake up feeling exhausted, right.
• 34:22
  Julie: I remember hearing that monks that are meditating for you know, six, eight hours a day or whatever it is that they'll only need four hours of sleep at night and I thought that was so interesting because they're basically giving their body that restorative state when they're meditating.
• 34:41
  Julie: And in my own life I found that when I'm an avid meditator I love meditating, whether it's for three minutes or for 45, I enjoy that relaxed state of letting go and surrender and I have noticed that when I started meditating I started needing less sleep because I think we do.
• 35:02
  Julie: We access those theta brain waves that really restore and rejuvenate.
• 35:08
  Julie: I follow some of Dr Joe Dispenza's work and I've done his week-long retreats and some of his courses and he talks about all the chemicals over a thousand chemicals that are released in the body when your brain just drops out of that active beta, when it goes from go mode and everybody's alert to that alpha and then theta modes where it's rest and restoration and repair and healing and just beautiful anti-inflammatory effects for the body.
• 35:42
  Julie: So kind of a tangent, but I love it all.
• 35:45
  Mary: Oh, yeah, I think we know that sleep is important.
• 35:48
  Mary: I mean, unfortunately, in our society, you know that kind of motto I'll sleep when I'm dead because we think we have to be so busy.
• 35:57
  Mary: But the more we're learning that those deeper levels of sleep actually physically cleanse our brain, so, yeah, it's really important.
• 36:07
  Mary: And I think doing things like you're talking about like I'll bring in mindfulness, because that's obviously a big key here, and mindfulness is something I've talked about a lot it doesn't need to be like you're talking about the monks.
• 36:21
  Mary: That's not sitting there for four to six hours, it's just being aware and being grounded in the moment.
• 36:27
  Mary: Even if it's 30 seconds, is helpful for your brain.
• 36:31
  Mary: And I think the other thing you're sort of saying is, as we get used to lowering that level of concern or allowing some of those deeper brain waves to happen, we are rewiring, literally rewiring our brain.
• 36:50
  Julie: Yeah, Beautiful healing thing.
• 36:52
  Julie: Just to even, like you said, take 30 seconds just to be aware of your body, just to feel your shoulders relax, just to feel the muscles in your face, your jaw relax, which is often how I'll start relaxing someone into a meditative state.
• 37:11
  Julie: It really is that letting go.
• 37:14
  Julie: You can feel the energy in your body shift If you just breathe into your belly for 30 seconds it's a it's a beautiful thing, and we really do have more power in our state than than we realize sometimes.
• 37:32
  Mary: Yeah, and sometimes I think people think well, I breathe all the time, How's deep breathing going to help?
• 37:37
  Mary: And really all of those things.
• 37:39
  Mary: They seem simple but they're powerful in their simplicity.
• 37:43
  Mary: So there's something I want to sort of rope in, and you mentioned law of attraction.
• 37:50
  Mary: First of all, can you define that a little so we're all kind of functioning from the same understanding?
• 37:55
  Mary: And then how do you integrate that into your work?
• 38:00
  Julie: Yeah, I love law of attraction and the reason is I was very science minded growing up.
• 38:07
  Julie: I was a biology major in college and love science, I love physics, I love learning about resonance and frequency and when I learned about law of attraction this all made sense to me from more of the scientific standpoint.
• 38:24
  Julie: Now I know sometimes law of attraction can come off as sort of a woo-woo, you know like just throw it out there to the universe and it'll bounce back to you and you'll end up with the blue bike on your front doorstep.
• 38:36
  Julie: And that isn't how I see law of attraction.
• 38:40
  Julie: I see law of attraction is resonance.
• 38:43
  Julie: It's really about like things that are at the same resonance will vibrate and attract each other.
• 38:51
  Julie: If a tuning fork at 428 hertz is hit, the other tuning forks around it will not vibrate, but a tuning fork near it that is also 428 hertz that's where it resonates will vibrate.
• 39:09
  Julie: And that's how I see law of attraction is that like frequencies will attract and resonate.
• 39:17
  Julie: Now a really watered down way to put this is let's say, you need a new accountant and everyone has an electromagnetic field and you can feel someone's presence right.
• 39:31
  Julie: And so if you met an accountant on the street and they had 20 years experience and did a good job.
• 39:38
  Julie: An intelligent person, but his shoulders are slumped and he or she looks bored or disinterested when they're speaking about their work.
• 39:48
  Julie: You're not going to be drawn to hiring that person.
• 39:52
  Julie: If you met someone with even half the experience, that seemed excited, that seemed like they own their work, they take accountability in their work, they're interested, they're engaged, they are resonating with, aligning with this job.
• 40:09
  Julie: That's what you want.
• 40:10
  Julie: You would pick the second accountant.
• 40:11
  Julie: So to me, I see it as how are you putting out your energy around you If you want that upgrade at your work, if you want that promotion?
• 40:24
  Julie: Are you acting as if you already have it?
• 40:28
  Julie: And what I mean by that is are you showing up to work in the presence of that next role and embodying that next role?
• 40:38
  Julie: If you already had that next role, how would you walk differently, how would you engage differently, how would you do your job differently?
• 40:45
  Julie: Because it's the people that do that now that resonate with that next promotion, that resonate with that next step.
• 40:55
  Julie: It's about finding the feelings, finding the emotions and embodying it, and then you just attract those things that are resonating at those frequencies into your life.
• 41:08
  Julie: A lot of time.
• 41:10
  Julie: It is about that letting go and our resistance can hold us back from things when we're arguing for our own limitations.
• 41:18
  Julie: So when we can clean up some of that energy and law of attraction is always happening.
• 41:25
  Julie: I mean, we are always attracting around us, but if we can focus and intentionally attract and embody what we're looking for, it flows in in a much easier way.
• 41:40
  Julie: Now does that mean that we could lay on our couch and just feel having a nicer, bigger house, and then someone will call us and jump in and save us and say here's your nicer, bigger house.
• 41:52
  Julie: I just felt that you deserved it.
• 41:54
  Julie: No, it comes in inspired steps.
• 41:57
  Julie: The universe or God or whoever you look, science even it will come with the next step.
• 42:04
  Julie: Inspiration will come, inspired action to be able to take the next step, to be able to line up even further with that thing.
• 42:15
  Julie: Fun story I wanted to upgrade our living situation During COVID.
• 42:21
  Julie: Our house started to feel very small.
• 42:24
  Julie: I still had all three kids in the house at that point and what I did was I started to align with the feeling of the house that I wanted and what I found was that there were many little areas of resistance where I might have sabotaged or even not recognized if the right thing did come along.
• 42:46
  Julie: For instance, when I pictured us in a nicer, larger home, I pictured everything to be immaculate.
• 42:53
  Julie: Well, my family is not immaculate and there is, you know, probably a few dishes in our sink right now from when the kids got their lunches ready this morning, and there are things that are going to be in disarray.
• 43:08
  Julie: And when I realized that and I realized some of the things that were holding me up from feeling like it could truly be mine Again, it's a worthiness game, right?
• 43:18
  Julie: Only a really clean person deserves a house like that or is worthy of a house like that.
• 43:26
  Julie: And when I realized that resistance, I was able to picture myself in a house like that and practice it.
• 43:33
  Julie: It was a little uncomfortable.
• 43:34
  Julie: Right away, I'm going to picture my family in a bigger, beautiful home.
• 43:39
  Julie: And, yeah, the throw pillows are in disarray on the couch and someone left their sweatshirt over the bar stool and there's dishes in the sink and I started to picture it and have so much fun with this.
• 43:53
  Julie: And I started to picture it and have so much fun with this.
• 43:56
  Julie: And, I kid you not, it was within about a week of making that shift that my neighbor across the street now this one kind of did, come to me.
• 44:04
  Julie: I was following the inspired action of lining up with it.
• 44:07
  Julie: But this one came to me.
• 44:08
  Julie: My neighbor across the street said you know, are you looking to upsize your house?
• 44:13
  Julie: I thought I heard you mention that six months ago.
• 44:16
  Julie: And I said, yeah, I actually am.
• 44:18
  Julie: And he said well, I know someone that's in this neighborhood so I would love for you to stay in this neighborhood.
• 44:23
  Julie: I have a vested interest.
• 44:25
  Julie: He was a buddy of mine and he said they're moving into a retirement facility and they'd really like to know who buys their house.
• 44:34
  Julie: And we met them and started down the track.
• 44:37
  Julie: It was everything that I desired, and more.
• 44:41
  Julie: I absolutely.
• 44:42
  Julie: It's the house we're in today.
• 44:43
  Julie: No bidding war, no real estate agents.
• 44:46
  Julie: It was just a beautiful unfolding.
• 44:48
  Julie: But I do think I needed to clean up my vibration in order for that to unfold for me, and that's what I help my clients do.
• 44:57
  Julie: So I hope that answered your question.
• 45:00
  Julie: Any clarity you need, let me know.
• 45:02
  Mary: Well, julie, I really don't think I've heard anyone explain that quite as eloquently and with those types of real examples as you just did.
• 45:11
  Mary: It's kind of like the hypnosis thing, because I think we feel safer when we can kind of focus on things that are real and that we can see.
• 45:19
  Mary: And you know, the law of attraction often is painted as you're right, this woo-woo thing.
• 45:24
  Mary: But I love that you talked about science, because I am a plant geek and anybody that listens knows that I am a tree hugger, I'm a nature girl, and plants communicate all the time.
• 45:38
  Mary: They communicate underground, they communicate with each other.
• 45:42
  Mary: There are vibrations of communication all the time.
• 45:47
  Mary: And when you first started talking about law of attraction, what I thought about is how, so often, we diminish our own vibration by what's around us.
• 45:59
  Mary: So, in other words, you know, I read somewhere you are the five people that are closest to you.
• 46:04
  Mary: So think about the behaviors, the frequency or however you want to term it, of the five people that you choose to keep closest to you.
• 46:13
  Mary: And sometimes that can limit us too.
• 46:17
  Mary: But you've given this great example of just someone's stance or, if they're standing, sort of hunched over, and that's again why I always say take up your space.
• 46:29
  Mary: Stand in mountain pose with your shoulders back and down.
• 46:33
  Mary: Send out a vibration into the world that your heart is open and you deserve to receive what you really want to be fulfilled.
• 46:44
  Julie: I love that.
• 46:45
  Julie: I love that so much and I completely agree with the five people closest to you.
• 46:50
  Julie: One thing I will say is that when people do start to take up their space you know I work primarily with women and it's so exciting to see a woman step into more of her worth, right and and take up her space and own her feelings and that stepping into that higher frequency, you know, really embodying who she is.
• 47:15
  Julie: What we also notice is that the people or the five people around her will often meet her there.
• 47:23
  Julie: You know we can also create a different frequency around ourselves, that often the people around us will meet us in and flourish with us and they'll be uplifted by our presence and then it becomes this fun back and forth of higher vibration and fun and joking or or lightheartedness or whatever.
• 47:47
  Julie: It feels better, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.
• 47:50
  Julie: So, yeah, sometimes you know, if you notice that, oh, it's really hard to maintain my space and my sense of worth in certain presences.
• 48:01
  Julie: Yeah, maybe it's worth evaluating those relationships and creating new boundaries, but when it comes to your own frequency, you know there are those individuals around you that will feed off of that and go oh, I mean, it's almost like subconsciously they're saying oh good, we're feeling lighter now.
• 48:21
  Julie: We're having more fun when we're together.
• 48:22
  Julie: Now we're talking about lighter things.
• 48:24
  Julie: We're more encouraging, we're more uplifting, we're talking nicer about ourselves, and there are some people that will resonate and feed off of that.
• 48:32
  Julie: Sometimes we don't realize when we are contributing to the lower energy until we change it.
• 48:39
  Mary: Oh, that's so true, and I think when you do have a group of girlfriends that are all firing on that higher frequency, you're unstoppable together.
• 48:49
  Mary: I think that encouragement of each other is really powerful.
• 48:55
  Julie: Oh, agreed, agreed.
• 48:56
  Mary: Yes.
• 49:02
  Julie: Even if there's one person, you know a lot of people.
• 49:04
  Julie: If you've been at a certain wavelength for a while and that's sort of your thermostat is set at a lower temperature when it comes to happiness and you've been surrounded by people like that, if you can even think of one person that is a bit more uplifting to be around, or you enjoy yourself better when you're around them, invest in that relationship, start there.
• 49:22
  Julie: If you don't have a whole big group, that's okay, but starting there can help.
• 49:28
  Julie: You then attract more people like that into your life.
• 49:32
  Mary: Yeah, and everybody has that amazing high open frequency.
• 49:36
  Mary: So I'm guessing there might be some people listening that they may never have access that and they may use that to convince themselves that you know, I can't fire up there, I can't fire at that frequency.
• 49:47
  Mary: We all have that because we're all nature.
• 49:50
  Julie: Yes, yes, and you know what?
• 49:51
  Julie: There's nothing.
• 49:52
  Julie: I'm sure you feel this in your work, I just in my work there's.
• 49:56
  Julie: There's nothing more exciting than seeing and hearing a woman say you know, I just want this so much but I feel like it doesn't apply to me.
• 50:05
  Julie: And me being able to tell her, you know, first of all, everyone says that, everyone thinks that I thought that, and then to be able to see her do the work and commit to the reprogramming and in her mind and change, is just one of the most exciting things.
• 50:24
  Julie: I mean sometimes our later sessions we'll just talk about all the wins and of course life won't be flawless from there forward.
• 50:33
  Julie: But how you deal with the ebbs and flows in life changes the quality of your life.
• 50:38
  Julie: You know how the filter you take it through and the perception you have and how you talk to yourself through it and to hear those wins is just so gratifying and so exciting.
• 50:49
  Julie: And you know that ripple effect like that quote from my site.
• 50:53
  Julie: You know it's.
• 50:53
  Julie: It's not just that woman changing her family is benefiting her friends are benefiting, the world is benefiting.
• 51:01
  Julie: Her job is benefiting from her changing from her up, leveling her frequency and embodying herself even more.
• 51:12
  Mary: Yeah, it's really, really powerful.
• 51:13
  Mary: So, my gosh, this has been such a great conversation, like all these loose threads that I would love to pull on, but we need to wrap it up so fast.
• 51:22
  Mary: I know it went.
• 51:24
  Mary: It went incredibly fast and I feel so energized from this conversation, which is good, because I have clients this afternoon.
• 51:30
  Mary: But you mentioned a resource and I'm going to put that in the show notes.
• 51:35
  Mary: Can you say again what that is?
• 51:38
  Julie: Yeah Well, first of all, you can learn more about me, my one-on-one sessions, my free consults for sessions, on my website at Julie V coaching B, as in Victor julievcoachingcom.
• 51:50
  Julie: Also on julievcoaching dot com, there is a free download, a release the inner critic workbook.
• 51:57
  Julie: That is totally complimentary, but it walks through journaling and visualization, through the steps of transforming that inner critic and it's a beautiful workbook, a great place to start for changing and up leveling that inner voice into your inner support to start for changing and up-leveling that inner voice into your inner support so cool.
• 52:15
  Mary: Thank you for offering that and again, I will put links to both of those things in the show notes.
• 52:20
  Mary: And thank you again, Julie, for being here.
• 52:23
  Mary: This has been so, so wonderful.
• 52:27
  Julie: Oh, thank you for having me, mary.
• 52:28
  Julie: We are like-minded soul sisters, I feel it, and it's been so, so fun to chat with you.
• 52:35
  Mary: And I want to thank all of you for listening.
• 52:36
  Mary: One of the best things about this podcast to me is the listeners and the community that we're creating.
• 52:42
  Mary: If you have someone in your life that you think would benefit from the information in this episode because I know I do please forward it to them.
• 52:51
  Mary: And if you love listening, consider joining the Growing Garden of Violets and support the show using the heart button or the link at the bottom of the show notes, depending where you're streaming from.
• 53:02
  Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.