Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 63 | Vicious Mockery

Transcript

63 | Vicious Mockery · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna I'm gonna pull back the curtain a little bit on this on the production of our show.
• 0:09
  Matt: Here's the situation, uh, folks.
• 0:11
  Matt: And I'm I'm I'm speaking directly to the audience here.
• 0:13
  Matt: In a few minutes, you we're gonna start the show.
• 0:16
  Matt: This uh uh this is the cold open, as you know.
• 0:19
  Matt: And this time normally we do this show chronologically, but when we have a guest, we jump right into the guest.
• 0:26
  Matt: And today we have a guest.
• 0:27
  Matt: So now we're going backwards to do the cold open.
• 0:31
  Eric: Oh, you so you you are you're going haul whole hog.
• 0:34
  Eric: You are showing them how the sausage gets made.
• 0:36
  Matt: Showing my hand here.
• 0:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:39
  Matt: Okay, can't close it.
• 0:40
  Matt: And I'm saying this because there is going to be a story involving a police interaction in this episode.
• 0:49
  Matt: Yes, and when this happened, and then we came back to talk about a cold open.
• 0:54
  Matt: I had a police story to share as well.
• 0:57
  Matt: Gotcha.
• 0:58
  Matt: Or do I?
• 0:59
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:00
  Matt: So here I was, Eric.
• 1:02
  Matt: I'm gonna I'm gonna paint the picture for you.
• 1:03
  Matt: Sorry, Matt.
• 1:04
  Matt: The sound you just heard was everyone listening, just leaning in.
• 1:07
  Matt: Leaning the fuck in.
• 1:08
  Matt: That's right.
• 1:09
  Matt: Lean the fuck in, especially if you're driving right now.
• 1:12
  Matt: Here's the situation.
• 1:14
  Matt: I was having dinner in the city in Baltimore with uh some friends, and I will say during this dinner had a singular, as in one glass of wine.
• 1:27
  Matt: All right, one glass of wine, and then hours went by.
• 1:32
  Matt: We're just talking in a diner, right?
• 1:34
  Matt: Like we're just hanging out.
• 1:36
  Matt: I leave to go home.
• 1:38
  Matt: I'm on 95, the fabled 95, and I make a mistake.
• 1:44
  Matt: The mistake I made is I cut off an undercover cop.
• 1:50
  Matt: Oh no.
• 1:51
  Matt: Oh no, and I didn't see it until I as as I was going around him, I saw the little spotlight on the side of the car, right?
• 2:00
  Matt: And I was like, fuck.
• 2:02
  Matt: And sure enough, he threw on the lights for me, and I was like, God damn it, Matt, you fucking idiot.
• 2:09
  Matt: And so I pull over and he pulls over and he gets out of the car and he comes over.
• 2:14
  Matt: And oddly enough, I do say oddly, because I'm fucking stone cold sober.
• 2:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 2:21
  Matt: The first thing he asks me, been drinking a night?
• 2:24
  Matt: You've been drinking a night.
• 2:26
  Matt: And I said, I uh this is before I do you know why I pulled you over.
• 2:32
  Matt: Anyway tonight, you've been drinking a night.
• 2:35
  Matt: So I say, officer, I had uh a singular glass of Pinot Grigio about three and a half hours ago, and that was it.
• 2:45
  Eric: Bless your honest heart, Matthew.
• 2:47
  Matt: And what he said to me was well, because I can smell it.
• 2:51
  Matt: And I went and I went to smell that Pinot Griege.
• 2:55
  Matt: You can smell the Pinot Grigio from three hours ago while I was eating Indian food.
• 3:02
  Matt: I I think not.
• 3:06
  Eric: That's what you were thinking.
• 3:08
  Matt: That's what I was thinking.
• 3:09
  Matt: Yeah, and I was like, okay, well, like I said, I I was having I was out to dinner with friends and da da da.
• 3:16
  Matt: And then he asks, Do you know why I pulled you over?
• 3:19
  Matt: And I looked at him and I said, Eric, I did say because I cut you off.
• 3:26
  Matt: And he went, and he went, You were speeding.
• 3:29
  Matt: And I went, Okay, okay.
• 3:32
  Matt: I was like, all right, sure.
• 3:34
  Matt: Uh, you know, license registration, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 3:38
  Matt: I hand the stuff to him.
• 3:39
  Matt: He goes back to the car, he comes back, hands me the stuff, and then two so okay, so uh at this point, all I'm doing is I'm literally like looking inward, and I'm just like, plea, I'll take a ticket, I'll take anything.
• 3:55
  Matt: Don't you try to give me a D UI when I'm fucking stone cold sober.
• 4:00
  Matt: Yeah, I can't believe this is happening.
• 4:03
  Matt: All I did was cut off a cop.
• 4:04
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 4:06
  Matt: He comes over and my heart sinks because he hits me with, for the first time in my life, can you step out of the car, sir?
• 4:14
  Eric: Ooh.
• 4:15
  Matt: So uh I step out of the car, and he said, uh, he was like, the fact is you were driving erratically.
• 4:23
  Matt: I wasn't.
• 4:24
  Matt: I was not driving erratically, and so I was like, okay, all right, sure.
• 4:28
  Matt: So I uh he was like, okay, so uh what I'm gonna need you to do here is have you do he had walk on this line one foot in front of the other, all the way down, all the way back.
• 4:41
  Matt: And Eric, I'm on the shoulder of Route 95, and he's choosing the shoulder line, like not the inner line, not the one by the grass, the one by the fucking cars going 65 miles.
• 4:57
  Eric: Where you're at that point where the cars are going by and both cars are rocking as the cars go by.
• 5:01
  Matt: Yeah, and he was like, he was like this line, and I was like, Oh, I have to.
• 5:06
  Matt: I literally said I was like, I have to, I can't do the the inside line.
• 5:10
  Matt: He was like, No, there's a there's a hill, there's a little hill there, you're gonna fall.
• 5:13
  Matt: And I was like, I'm not gonna.
• 5:15
  Matt: You're gonna fall because you're so fucked up right now.
• 5:17
  Matt: But I didn't say any of that because I'm fucking terrified.
• 5:20
  Matt: And so I'm like, because first of all, I'm talking to a cop.
• 5:25
  Matt: Yep.
• 5:26
  Matt: So I'm already terrified.
• 5:28
  Matt: So I'm like, okay, so I fucking I'm sober, I nail it.
• 5:34
  Matt: Of course I do.
• 5:35
  Matt: There, back, whatever.
• 5:37
  Matt: And then he's I'm I am so nervous he's gonna ask me to do the alphabet backwards.
• 5:42
  Matt: I've I'm not able to do that.
• 5:44
  Matt: That is my nightmare.
• 5:44
  Matt: I'm no able to do that, and so I was like, don't do that.
• 5:48
  Matt: And so then he has me do this, okay?
• 5:50
  Matt: Because so far, that's pretty that's pretty normal.
• 5:53
  Matt: He has me do the finger to the nose.
• 5:55
  Matt: Yeah, pretty normal, pretty standard, I'm led to believe.
• 6:00
  Matt: Yep.
• 6:01
  Matt: And then he hits me with this get back in the car, sir.
• 6:05
  Matt: And uh, he was like, You can get back in the car.
• 6:06
  Matt: And I went, okay, great.
• 6:07
  Matt: So I get back in the car.
• 6:09
  Matt: He goes back to his car, and I'm sitting there, I was like, Okay, it's it's over.
• 6:15
  Matt: The nightmare is over.
• 6:17
  Matt: He's gonna write me a ticket and I'm gonna be on my way.
• 6:21
  Matt: How long was he sitting in the car for?
• 6:23
  Matt: He was sitting in the car this time for maybe three, four minutes, something like that.
• 6:28
  Eric: Not long.
• 6:29
  Eric: This is usually I found with when cops want to be assholes, they will just like for this part where it's already established, like there's no, like, they're gonna they'll just sit there and fucking hang out for like I I once had a cop to sit there for like full 45 minutes just chilling.
• 6:44
  Matt: So he comes back to the car, comes back to the window, and he says, I I can't wait to I'm watching your face intently because this is what he says.
• 6:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 6:52
  Matt: I'm so sorry, sir.
• 6:53
  Matt: I'm gonna have to ask you to get out of the car again.
• 6:57
  Matt: I forgot to do a test.
• 7:00
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 7:01
  Matt: Yep.
• 7:02
  Matt: Your look of confusion is my look of confusion.
• 7:06
  Matt: And so he has me get out of the car.
• 7:08
  Matt: He's comes behind the car and he says, Here's what I want you to do.
• 7:12
  Matt: I want you to stand on one leg and you can choose which leg.
• 7:17
  Matt: I'll never forget that.
• 7:19
  Matt: You can choose which leg.
• 7:21
  Matt: I want you to slightly bend your knee and extend your other leg in front of you.
• 7:28
  Matt: And I want you to start counting until I tell you to stop.
• 7:33
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 7:34
  Matt: And for those of you who are in uh the acting profession or training profession, uh, this is called a sitting statue in terms of Suzuki method.
• 7:47
  Matt: And so I was like, you want me internally again.
• 7:51
  Matt: I'm like, you want me to do a fucking sitting statue?
• 7:54
  Matt: I got this.
• 7:56
  Matt: I majored in this asshole.
• 7:59
  Matt: So I'm sitting there, I st I assume the position, one, two, three.
• 8:06
  Matt: And when I get to 35, 36, I just turn my head slowly to this cop, going 37, 38, with the eyes of I can do this all fucking night.
• 8:24
  Matt: I was like, I'll stand here as long as you want.
• 8:27
  Matt: Not a wobble happening to me.
• 8:30
  Matt: And he was like, okay, you can get in the car.
• 8:32
  Matt: And then he goes back to the car.
• 8:35
  Matt: A couple minutes pass again.
• 8:37
  Matt: Now I'm just confused.
• 8:38
  Matt: What the fuck is going on?
• 8:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 8:40
  Matt: He comes back, he basically throws a warning at me.
• 8:47
  Matt: He was like, he was like, here's your warning.
• 8:49
  Matt: Uh thank you so much.
• 8:50
  Matt: Gotta go.
• 8:51
  Matt: I have to go.
• 8:52
  Matt: He gets back in his car and he drives away.
• 8:56
  Matt: First?
• 8:57
  Matt: First.
• 8:57
  Matt: Oh, he oh, you you embarrassed the shit out of that cop.
• 9:01
  Matt: I don't think so, Eric, because I've told this story to lots of people, and I've told this to former guest of the show, Megan Stanton, and Megan Stanton has posited that I was not pulled over by a cop at all.
• 9:14
  Matt: What?
• 9:15
  Matt: I was pulled over by some dude who was really hoping I was a woman.
• 9:22
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 9:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 9:25
  Matt: Oh.
• 9:26
  Matt: And then she because when I told the story to Megan, she said, Did you get a badge number?
• 9:30
  Matt: And I went, No.
• 9:32
  Matt: And she said, What because this was this was like five years ago.
• 9:37
  Matt: So she was like, was he?
• 9:39
  Matt: Did he even show you a badge?
• 9:40
  Matt: What well, I mean, like on his he had a uniform on.
• 9:43
  Matt: Okay.
• 9:44
  Matt: But and then that's what she said.
• 9:46
  Matt: She was like, so he was uniformed, but in an under unmarked car.
• 9:50
  Matt: And I went, huh?
• 9:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 9:53
  Matt: Now that you mention that, that does seem strange, doesn't it?
• 9:59
  Matt: And she was like, what does that warning say?
• 10:02
  Matt: And I t I promise you, Eric, he gave me this piece of paper.
• 10:06
  Matt: It said it was a warning, blah, blah, blah.
• 10:08
  Matt: I have been ever since I told the story to Megan, and she posited that I was pulled over by someone impersonating a cop for nefarious purposes.
• 10:17
  Matt: I have been looking for this warning because I don't throw shit like that out.
• 10:21
  Matt: Yeah, no.
• 10:22
  Matt: I can't find it.
• 10:24
  Matt: I can't find it anywhere.
• 10:26
  Matt: I've looked through boxes, I've looked through files, I've done everything.
• 10:30
  Matt: I can't find it.
• 10:31
  Matt: So I'm telling the story to you now, Eric.
• 10:33
  Matt: What do you think?
• 10:34
  Matt: Was I pulled over by a cop or was I pulled over by a criminal fuck?
• 10:41
  Matt: I meh the mystery continues.
• 10:44
  Matt: The mystery continues, listener.
• 10:46
  Matt: You be the judge.
• 10:48
  Matt: Always get a bash number.
• 11:13
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 11:15
  Matt: And joining us today, we have a very good friend of the pod who's submitted many a question over the days, over the years at this point.
• 11:25
  Matt: Wow, that's crazy here.
• 11:28
  Matt: Actor, playwright, musician, and most importantly, my sophomore year rumain in college, it's Michael Peri Jr.
• 11:38
  Matt: Welcome to the podcast.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, how are you guys doing?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for having me.
• 11:43
  Matt: Good.
• 11:44
  Matt: Oh, yes, absolutely.
• 11:46
  Matt: Uh at uh it's at MikePeri Jr.
• 11:48
  Matt: on uh Instagram, is it not?
• 11:50
  Matt: It is.
• 11:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 11:53
  Matt: You'll recognize the handle listeners.
• 11:55
  Eric: And and pardon me in case my flawless memory is failing me right now.
• 12:00
  Eric: Who are you?
• 12:01
  Eric: Um the three of us, like we we the three of us originally met at acting track auditions for Towson University.
• 12:08
  Eric: Am I losing my mind?
• 12:09
  Eric: Like we were all there on the same day.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: I believe you are correct.
• 12:12
  Matt: You are correct, Eric.
• 12:13
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:14
  Matt: Oh yes, yeah, absolutely correct, 100%.
• 12:18
  Matt: Although I met you famously outside in the hall first and sized you up as uh as an asshole.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, and immediately the the nemesis.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:27
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:28
  Matt: And then that continues to this day.
• 12:30
  Matt: It's very so yeah, Mike, welcome to the show.
• 12:35
  Matt: How you been?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: I've been great.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: I just came back from Florida where I was doing a play, and it was sunny and it was warm, and now I'm here, and it is raining, and it is 49 degrees.
• 12:49
  Matt: So indeed, it is good.
• 12:52
  Matt: It's a nasty day.
• 12:54
  Matt: Humbling Maryland weather.
• 12:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:57
  Matt: Yeah, but it truly is.
• 12:59
  Matt: It brings you right back down.
• 13:02
  Matt: Um, so yeah, welcome to the show.
• 13:05
  Matt: You know how this whole situation works.
• 13:07
  Matt: I do.
• 13:08
  Matt: I uh you have you have brought questions for us, yes?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: I I have questions for you.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: I I have listened to all of the questions that I've submitted and nothing else.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: And nothing else.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: Excellent.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: That's honestly the way to do it.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: There it is.
• 13:26
  Matt: You frequently tell us, you have told us before that you listen in the gym.
• 13:30
  Matt: Is that right?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I listen at the gym.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: And it's such a weird thing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: I can't imagine that.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: It is very difficult to focus on what I'm doing uh when I listen because you guys get so intense and I want to know.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: And uh who us?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I want to know your answers.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: And at the same time, I should be curling with proper form.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um absolutely.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: But I can't do both.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: So my own.
• 13:56
  Matt: Let me tell you, don't herniate that disc of yours.
• 13:59
  Matt: Oh man.
• 14:00
  Matt: Oh, I've done a good thing.
• 14:01
  Matt: Keep those intact as long as you can.
• 14:03
  Eric: Uh you're like, you're out there like, if Matt can carry poach through this episode, I can carry these weights.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: There's like two weights, Matthew and Eric.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: Every time you speak.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 14:19
  Matt: Oh, wow.
• 14:20
  Matt: Just alternating on a transcript with your guns.
• 14:23
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:24
  Matt: Um that's why the one on the right is we'll uh why don't we jump right in?
• 14:29
  Matt: Because we we got a little, I know you brought questions for us, and before we get to them, why don't we why don't we start you off with one that's been toasting for a little bit now?
• 14:38
  Matt: Oh very good, Matthew.
• 14:39
  Eric: Very good.
• 14:39
  Matt: I saw what you did there.
• 14:41
  Matt: From at Updog PM on Twitter.
• 14:45
  Matt: Uh Updog, welcome back.
• 14:47
  Matt: Thanks for uh thanks for submitting the question.
• 14:50
  Matt: And that question is what am I supposed to do with the butt ends of my loaf of bread?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: That is a great question.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: And one that I believe I have a very solid answer for.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: It is the only use that I have for them, which is sometimes you want to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but one is not enough and two is too much.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I go ahead and I fold that half, that heel over, and that's my little compact taco version of uh a half PB and J.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: Perfection.
• 15:19
  Eric: Oh, that's that's quite nice, actually.
• 15:23
  Eric: It's usually you can't grill a cheese with that.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: No, unless it's a really thick bread, and you can just cut off a safety on the top.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: But but if I have to get a sharp bread knife involved, then it's too much work.
• 15:36
  Matt: Too much work.
• 15:37
  Matt: What you could do is you could uh make croutons out of it.
• 15:41
  Matt: Croutons.
• 15:43
  Matt: You could I've done that in the past.
• 15:45
  Matt: Throw them in the uh cut it up, throw, chuck, chuck chunk it up, throw it in the oven.
• 15:49
  Matt: Just really two big croutons.
• 15:52
  Eric: Just one I have you love the idea of one crouton right on top.
• 16:00
  Matt: Like a you don't call them croutons, do you?
• 16:03
  Eric: Croutin, sometimes you call them crutons?
• 16:05
  Eric: Thank you.
• 16:06
  Eric: Like German.
• 16:08
  Eric: Krauten.
• 16:08
  Eric: Krauten?
• 16:11
  Eric: In France, Kruton.
• 16:14
  Matt: Oh yeah, let's just sure.
• 16:15
  Matt: Any other languages you want to um uh um diminish uh by uh doing a little bit the French Sweden?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: Swedish Kruten I thought you was Krut Stanisborg.
• 16:31
  Matt: Yeah, like uh Russian.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: Krouton So you're telling me the Russian people have a word that precedes Krouton, that they mean.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: And shout like a sumo wrestler by this end of the rare Yeah, it's it's a it's a Russian, it's a Russian phrase.
• 16:58
  Eric: It means uh to to eat the ass of this loaf.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: Ah that's yes, yes.
• 17:06
  Matt: Um the did I don't know if I've told my uh the one time I I passed through the Frankfurt airport on my way to Poland.
• 17:14
  Matt: Did I tell the story in the podcast, Poach?
• 17:16
  Matt: But the guy, uh whatever their TSA guy is, whatever that's oh yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 17:21
  Matt: Okay, and then we'll skip that a little bit.
• 17:23
  Eric: Though my other favorite, though my other favorite uh of your Poland stories, you do have many, is when you when you got to drink hot beer for the first time.
• 17:30
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 17:31
  Matt: Yes, let me tell you, the beer they I I gave them a skeptical look, and it was this British uh uh man who is uh at this conference with me, and he I'll never forget this.
• 17:43
  Matt: He was like, Oh, you should try this the warm beer, which they literally are pouring out of like a pot on a stove behind the bar.
• 17:50
  Matt: And it was this ginger-spiced beer.
• 17:53
  Matt: Everything about it does not sound good, and and I was like, Okay, yeah, I'll try it.
• 17:58
  Matt: It's the best beer I've ever had.
• 18:00
  Matt: And in the convincing uh Harry, the guy I was talking to, he was like, I know you Americans like your beer as cold as the Rockies, but give it a shot.
• 18:12
  Matt: And I never will forget it.
• 18:14
  Matt: Uh so Harry, if you're listening, that is fine.
• 18:16
  Matt: Uh thanks for the tip.
• 18:18
  Matt: I haven't had the hot the warm beer since, but but it was amazing at the time.
• 18:22
  Eric: Anyway, so yeah, we could so croutons?
• 18:25
  Eric: Croutons.
• 18:26
  Eric: Um I've used them as imp impromptu hot dog buns.
• 18:31
  Matt: Yeah, that's a solid use of them.
• 18:33
  Matt: Do you now when you do that?
• 18:35
  Matt: Do you just do a bend?
• 18:36
  Matt: Do you do any sort of cut?
• 18:38
  Matt: Like do you scoop out any to make room for the dog?
• 18:42
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 18:42
  Eric: I just wrap it like I just kind of because it usually because it's like cheap white bread, I just like mold it around it.
• 18:48
  Eric: So it's almost like a uh piggy in a blanket on just at scale.
• 18:51
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:52
  Matt: This is another this is uh probably the most common thing that I do with them.
• 18:57
  Matt: And it's something you can do.
• 18:59
  Matt: It's a little involved, but I think it I think it ends up being worth it.
• 19:04
  Matt: You can throw them out.
• 19:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, here's the thing that I do too.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: But but how long do you leave it in there is my question.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because it stays in my bag.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: To me, it's the bookends, and it's like, well, this one's gonna be fresh because the buttons.
• 19:19
  Matt: Yeah, it's got the buffer, it's the buffer bread.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: Fold it down, you reach in, you can fold it back up.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 19:24
  Matt: I was gonna say, so I never throw I never like open a loaf of bread and toss out that first thing.
• 19:30
  Matt: I always take it out and then like put it on the side of the loaf of bread to get to the good bread.
• 19:37
  Matt: You just like it's like a trap door, like a saloon door, you just push it out of the way to get the good bread.
• 19:44
  Matt: Is that is that what you're talking about, Mike?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: You see, I just leave it there.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a cap.
• 19:50
  Eric: It's like a chover.
• 19:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:52
  Matt: That's what, yeah, you leave it up.
• 19:53
  Matt: And then at the end, you've got the two the two dummy ends at the at the end.
• 19:57
  Matt: They're like, they're like the Joker card in a deck of cards.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 20:02
  Eric: The butt ends are very sobering in a way.
• 20:05
  Eric: Like once I I pick up the bag of bread and I just see all I have are the two buttons just kind of like awkwardly kissing each other, and I'm just like, oh, I need to examine my life.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:16
  Eric: I need to I need to look at my choices and probably go to the store.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's gotten away from me.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:20
  Eric: Yep.
• 20:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: I I also think that there's something about why haven't we created like a Pez dispenser for bread?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: I think that would be great to like where it just kind of the next two out and then slides it back up for you.
• 20:33
  Eric: What would be, because it'd have to be big.
• 20:35
  Eric: So like what would be the head piece?
• 20:37
  Eric: What would be your ideal bread pez dispenser?
• 20:40
  Eric: I feel like any one of the Golden Girls is a good option.
• 20:44
  Eric: It's a really good option.
• 20:45
  Matt: Um I think all of the Thomas the tank engines can characters can work.
• 20:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:52
  Matt: Because they're wide, you know.
• 20:54
  Matt: They're wide, they're big.
• 20:55
  Matt: Now, I'm certain there's a there's Thomas Pezes.
• 20:59
  Matt: No way there's not.
• 21:01
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, I th I don't think it needs to be are you talking about thematically, Eric?
• 21:05
  Matt: What works?
• 21:06
  Eric: Thematically, what head topper for the for the yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:09
  Eric: If we if we've got if I've just got a giant pez dispenser, I need an adorable character atop my pez dispenser to dispense my bread.
• 21:17
  Eric: Um what'd you say?
• 21:18
  Eric: I think Grogu.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Grogu classic.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um Gudetama, the little egg, would be fun.
• 21:24
  Eric: Oh, he's adorable.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Here, actually.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Here he is.
• 21:27
  Matt: Who else likes bread?
• 21:29
  unknown: Look at him.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Who else likes bread?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Howard the Duck.
• 21:33
  Matt: Howard the Duck is a good pull.
• 21:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:36
  Matt: That is a good pull.
• 21:38
  Matt: Although apparently we can't give bread to ducks anymore.
• 21:40
  Matt: Apparently, it kills them or something.
• 21:43
  Eric: First they came for Christmas.
• 21:45
  Eric: Then they came for bread.
• 21:46
  Eric: Then they came for the bread.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: Soon they will come for your freedom.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:50
  Matt: Oh, so it's I here, I thought it was Republicans.
• 21:52
  Matt: It's ducks that's been doing that.
• 21:53
  Matt: Is that what you're doing?
• 21:54
  Matt: It's ducks.
• 21:55
  Matt: Oh, spare the shadow government.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's where the term lame duck comes from.
• 22:01
  Matt: Zing God.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: Take that, politics.
• 22:05
  Matt: Take that.
• 22:06
  Matt: Ducks.
• 22:09
  Matt: Yes, Howard the Duck.
• 22:10
  Matt: What a film.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: Starring, you know what's so weird is this is just a sidebar.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: Starring Leah Thompson.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Is Chip Zion of Broadway's fame, the original Baker and Into the Woods, is in Howard the Duck.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: Is he really?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: He was the original Mendel in Falsettos, which I'm about to do.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm playing Mendel.
• 22:32
  Matt: And it all comes full fucking circle.
• 22:35
  Matt: How about that?
• 22:36
  Matt: Who run the world?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: Ducks.
• 22:38
  Matt: Ducks.
• 22:38
  Matt: Ducks run the world, as it turns out.
• 22:41
  Matt: How about that?
• 22:42
  Matt: Um, you know, I can't hear that song without thinking about the beginning of uh Goldmember, I think it is, where Brittany makes an appearance and she's singing Girls, but she turns out to be a Femmebot, if I'm remembering.
• 22:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 22:56
  Matt: It's also one of my favorite Tom Cruise cameos uh when he's playing the Hollywood version of Austin Powers.
• 23:03
  Matt: Let's all remember 2002 together.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: I also love, oh man, I love when Steven Spielberg turns around and he goes, I think my friend here and holds up the Oscar.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: Would disagree with me.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's like it's so good.
• 23:17
  Matt: Oh man.
• 23:18
  Matt: Yeah, so Up Dog PM, that's what you can do with your uh red ends there.
• 23:22
  Matt: We've given you some great options, I feel.
• 23:25
  Matt: Now and now that we're all oh, nice and limbal, nice and warmed up.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: There's Eric and there's Matt.
• 23:34
  Matt: There they are.
• 23:34
  Matt: They're the flexes.
• 23:36
  Matt: All right, so so flex those guns, Mike.
• 23:38
  Matt: What do you got for us?
• 23:39
  Matt: What questions can we help you end the world with?
• 23:43
  Matt: The world with.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um let's begin with, we're gonna just kind of randomize it by randomize it, pick something that isn't the first one.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: In the animated Disney film 101 Dalmatians, there are 101 of these Dalmatians.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: Indeed, there are.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: How many of these Dalmatians are absolute bastards or psychopaths?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: And how many of them would it actually take to make an adult woman's coat?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 24:10
  Matt: Well.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's a three-part.
• 24:13
  Matt: It's a it is, it's a it's a trio of questions, and I I gotta say, I I don't like thinking about the last one.
• 24:20
  Eric: Uh yeah, me neither, but but but here we are.
• 24:23
  Eric: We didn't ask Matthew.
• 24:25
  Matt: I didn't, and you know what?
• 24:27
  Matt: The title came back to bite us, didn't it?
• 24:29
  Matt: Not the first time, not the last time.
• 24:30
  Eric: Not the last time, for goddamn sure.
• 24:33
  Matt: Eric, yeah, I see you marinating here.
• 24:36
  Eric: No, yeah, I mean uh so I I do like the predication of like how many of the Dalmatians are little sociopaths, because that kind of helps with the with the third part there, right?
• 24:47
  Eric: I feel like those are like those are like first on the line to become to become coat.
• 24:51
  Eric: We also know where nowhere did say we have we have to kill the puppies to make the the coat.
• 24:55
  Eric: We can make a we could make a a living garment of sorts, like Hugh Lori kills them.
• 25:02
  Matt: Uh Hugh Lori and um and uh uh Mr.
• 25:05
  Matt: Weasley.
• 25:06
  Matt: Yes.
• 25:07
  Matt: I don't I don't know that actor's name.
• 25:09
  Matt: I apologize, Mr.
• 25:10
  Matt: Weasley.
• 25:11
  Matt: I'm so sorry.
• 25:12
  Matt: Uh yeah, no, they kill him.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well they they would if they're at the behest of Cruella DeVille.
• 25:17
  Matt: At the behest.
• 25:18
  Matt: Yeah, they're the they're the dirty workmen.
• 25:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:22
  Eric: Uh I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll ballpark it.
• 25:25
  Eric: Uh I'd say to get a solid coat.
• 25:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 25:28
  Eric: Got 101 Dalmatians, puppy Dalmatian, each puppy puppy's probably about the size of about of about a loaf of bread.
• 25:35
  Eric: I feel like that's fair, or maybe maybe a little smaller and half loaf.
• 25:37
  Eric: So you got two puppies tools.
• 25:40
  Eric: A little bit bigger.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: They're not in the tail are the heels.
• 25:45
  Matt: They're not newborn.
• 25:47
  Matt: Oh man.
• 25:48
  Matt: Uh they're not newborn puppies.
• 25:51
  Eric: Which technically makes this easier.
• 25:53
  Matt: Which does make it well, it brings the number down.
• 25:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 25:56
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:57
  Eric: Uh so I I I would say in the neighborhood, discounting their little adorable little pudgy dog limbs and their tails, we're not gonna get much, we're not gonna get much mileage out of those.
• 26:12
  Eric: Purely decorative.
• 26:13
  Eric: Probably in the neighborhood.
• 26:14
  Eric: I'd say probably take like, I don't know, 25, 30 of those little Dalmatians.
• 26:19
  Eric: I guess, yeah.
• 26:21
  Eric: Well, 40 depends on what style of coat.
• 26:23
  Eric: If we're just going for like, if we're going for a crop top, easy.
• 26:25
  Matt: It's like no, it's she's getting a full length full length coat.
• 26:31
  Eric: This is a duster, I believe.
• 26:32
  Eric: Um like I said, if we want to go the non-lethal option, we could essentially assemble like a sort of baby bjorn mech suit of Dalmatians.
• 26:43
  Eric: That'd be cool.
• 26:44
  Eric: Sure.
• 26:44
  Eric: That she could just like slot them into, and then she's just like, how how fucking surreal would that be?
• 26:50
  Eric: Imagine walking into the boardroom and you just like this ambulating like a mass of little puppy kids going to town.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: Continue.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:04
  Matt: Oh okay.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: What is everyone looking at?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:07
  Matt: Yeah, okay.
• 27:08
  Matt: Well, all right, so this is that's been dark, so I'm glad we got that out of the way.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'll tell you exactly.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: Let me get the coat.
• 27:15
  Matt: Uh oh, oh god.
• 27:17
  Matt: Um the and so uh okay, so how many of them are gonna be bastards?
• 27:22
  Matt: Um the numbers game.
• 27:25
  Eric: Yeah, uh I don't I'm there might be studies out there we could pull up, but anecdotally, I I used to know a union shop steward.
• 27:36
  Eric: He he he had a saying, he was like, any group of people you'll ever meet, three percent of them are gonna be total and complete assholes.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 27:44
  Eric: And and that seems to seems to generally hold true.
• 27:47
  Eric: So that puts us at around 3.1 3.01 uh of those Dalmatians are just little shits.
• 27:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:59
  Eric: 3.3, it looks like there was the one that wasn't it the one that just peed everywhere.
• 28:04
  Eric: Am I losing my mind?
• 28:05
  Eric: They're puppies here.
• 28:06
  Eric: I but yeah, like there was one who like spot or like they're like fucking in my head.
• 28:12
  Eric: I'm like, am I thinking of Dalmatians or little rascals?
• 28:15
  Eric: It was like, let's see, there was pee-wee, there was buckwheat, and I'm like, nope, those are those are those are children.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you could that's another question I think is embedded in this is that like eventually you're gonna lose track of 101 Dalmatians.
• 28:29
  Matt: You're yeah, yeah, you can't keep them all.
• 28:32
  Matt: You know, Jeff Daniels, you're not keeping all of them straight.
• 28:36
  unknown: No.
• 28:36
  Matt: And who is is it Natasha Richardson in the movie?
• 28:39
  Matt: Who is it?
• 28:40
  Matt: The the wife.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: The live action one?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's fine.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: Because I always think of the animated one, and I love the scene where there's the one that they're not sure, it's like they've just born if they're gonna live, and he's rubbing the blanket together, and he's like trying to come out at the end of the thing.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh it's like oh on end.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_03: That one's a fucking psychopath.
• 29:04
  Eric: That one's probably it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: That one's his own death right off the bat.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_03: To get this grown man to rub him back to life.
• 29:11
  Eric: That one was in the void and got called back and brought the void with it.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: And Cosmos was like, he cannot survive.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: He knows too much.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_03: The dog was like, watch me.
• 29:26
  Eric: Matt looks so concerned over whatever he is reading about the.
• 29:30
  Matt: Oh, wait a minute.
• 29:31
  Matt: I'm on 102.
• 29:34
  Matt: Oh, you piece of shit.
• 29:36
  Matt: God damn.
• 29:36
  Matt: I was like, this isn't even giving me glass.
• 29:40
  Matt: This isn't even giving me the stuff I need.
• 29:42
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 29:43
  Matt: Wikipedia donate today, but what'd you do?
• 29:46
  Eric: Fucking, if this was a planet fitness, I'd be hitting the button.
• 29:49
  Eric: Lunk alert.
• 29:50
  Matt: Lunk alert.
• 29:52
  Matt: All right, so let's let's double check that again.
• 29:55
  Matt: Um yeah, no, it's Joe Lee Joe Le Richardson uh who's who's in the um the thing.
• 30:03
  Matt: She is the sister of Natasha Richardson, so I was remarkably close.
• 30:07
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 30:08
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, sure.
• 30:09
  Eric: Sure.
• 30:10
  Eric: Wow.
• 30:12
  Matt: All right.
• 30:12
  Eric: Well, now that I've derailed up some facts with with checking.
• 30:16
  Matt: So we're saying about three percent.
• 30:18
  Eric: About three percent of them will be little little sociopaths.
• 30:22
  Eric: Um definitely.
• 30:24
  Eric: Uh the rest, unfortunately, innocent little angels who must die for this code.
• 30:31
  Matt: Um and yeah, Cruella DeVille's still evil.
• 30:35
  Matt: Still evil.
• 30:36
  unknown: Yeah.
• 30:36
  Matt: Anyone see the Cruella movie with Emma Stone?
• 30:39
  Matt: No.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: Did you?
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 30:41
  Matt: They try to redem, redemic.
• 30:43
  Matt: I think there's some sort of Are they trying to give her the wicked treatment?
• 30:46
  Matt: I think they're trying to give her the wicked treatment.
• 30:48
  Eric: We're we're trying like, look, we need to see, we need to understand that she's justified in wanting to murder these dogs.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: She had a hard life.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: Kate Blanchett didn't like her designs.
• 30:59
  Matt: And the thing is, there's no real way to justify the I wanna skin Dalmatians.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: The absolute genocide of Dalmatians, yeah.
• 31:09
  Matt: Yeah.
• 31:11
  Matt: No, uh 100% not.
• 31:13
  Matt: Sorry, Glenn Close.
• 31:15
  Matt: Uh, can't help you out there.
• 31:17
  Matt: All right.
• 31:17
  Matt: Well, all right.
• 31:18
  Matt: So did we answer the question, Mike?
• 31:20
  Matt: I think so.
• 31:21
  Matt: 3% between between 30 40 puppies.
• 31:24
  Matt: Give or take, yeah.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: 30-40 puppies.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: Jesus.
• 31:27
  Matt: Uh all right.
• 31:29
  Matt: So uh bam, knocking them out, knocking them out, knocking them back.
• 31:33
  Matt: So uh yeah, you got it, you got another one for us?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: So uh we were talking briefly before.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I know that Eric, you're a big DD fan.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_03: I am a big DD fan.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: I rolled my D20 before this started just to see how it would go.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_03: Rolled a seven, so we're on Okay.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh that was the whole Richardson thing.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, Matt.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: Uh the uh so in Dungeons and Dragons, there are mechanics like initiative, action, and bonus action.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: What would some of those be in real life for your own reality?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: And why would you choose those to be your actions and bonus actions and such?
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: And what would your initiative be?
• 32:12
  Matt: Eric, I'm gonna I'm gonna tee this up to you because although I do like D D, I played, I would play all the time in Scouts, but we would just it would just be on a pad.
• 32:24
  Matt: Like uh we didn't have dice, we didn't do anything.
• 32:26
  Matt: So it was like real low-tech, real low-key.
• 32:29
  Matt: Uh, I've never actually played the dice tabletop game.
• 32:32
  Matt: We have to do that.
• 32:33
  Matt: I've only admired so Eric.
• 32:37
  Matt: This this is solidly your domain.
• 32:39
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 32:40
  Eric: I think initiative, I think my initiative is actually pretty goddamn low.
• 32:44
  Eric: Uh and as a almost as a choice, because I'm that person that like whenever there's a oh, we're gonna go around the room, I'm like, please let me go last so I can hear everyone else first and get a gauge of where I should be.
• 32:56
  Eric: So like I don't over and then I can, you know, choose my actions accordingly.
• 33:00
  Eric: So like my initiative would be like a three, like I get like probably roll around like a three or four most of the time.
• 33:06
  Eric: Just so I'm like, all right, all right, what gaps need fill here?
• 33:10
  Eric: That's good.
• 33:10
  Eric: Actions and bonus actions.
• 33:13
  Eric: I feel like I uh and Matt, you know, for for the for the the audience.
• 33:18
  Matt: I was uh to to advocate for those who might not be familiar.
• 33:21
  Matt: What is the difference between an action and a bonus action?
• 33:24
  Eric: Uh action, so everyone on their turn in combat, you get actions.
• 33:28
  Eric: Uh, and you you can use an action to attack, you can use an action to cast a spell most of the time.
• 33:33
  Eric: Um, and then a bonus action, there's like a huge list of bonus actions you can take, and this can be stuff like taking a five-foot step away from an enemy or preparing to do something else.
• 33:45
  Eric: And like you can there's a lot of options for what you can do, but you only get like one bonus action.
• 33:49
  Eric: So it's like the little thing you can do in addition to the thing, like I could smack a goblin with a sword, and then as a bonus action, I can ready my crossbow for the next round.
• 33:57
  Eric: Gotcha.
• 33:58
  Eric: Like stuff like that.
• 33:59
  Eric: I feel like my bonus actions, a vast majority of the time, are a second a second skill check to try to correct the thing I just missed or fucked up.
• 34:10
  Eric: Like you have attempted to put this thing on a shelf.
• 34:13
  Eric: You have knocked over three things in the process.
• 34:16
  Eric: Roll bonus action to try to catch them.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_03: Try to stop that from happening.
• 34:20
  Eric: Yeah.
• 34:21
  Eric: If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.
• 34:24
  Eric: Back again for revenge.
• 34:27
  Eric: Welcome back.
• 34:28
  Eric: I did have a very fun moment uh the other day.
• 34:31
  Eric: I I pulled a real life bluff check against a cop um because I was driving home from work and on this long, it's like this long stretch of road before you get to my neighborhood.
• 34:43
  Eric: And typically on this road, it's just a long stretch of road with like a single light, uh, but there's a lot of side roads.
• 34:49
  Eric: So usually like I'll be driving along and a car will suddenly like start slowing down or stopping to turn down one of these side roads, but there might be cars coming though.
• 34:57
  Eric: It's a two-lane road, like one going one way, one going the other way.
• 35:00
  Eric: You all know you're familiar with roads.
• 35:02
  Eric: You know, you guys know how roads, am I right?
• 35:05
  Eric: Come on, listen to us.
• 35:05
  Eric: Well, usually, like if a person stops there and there's like a bunch of cars coming the opposite way, I'll be stuck there for a while waiting for this person to like turn it.
• 35:13
  Eric: So I'll just like do that thing where you kind of dip around them on the shoulder, because like there's plenty of shoulder.
• 35:18
  Eric: So you just do the little dip.
• 35:19
  Eric: Yeah, just do that little thing that breaks the law.
• 35:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 35:23
  unknown: Wow.
• 35:23
  Eric: Um so I did that.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_03: Kind of a bad boy, kind of a kind of a rebel.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_03: Put us in the comments for more road content.
• 35:30
  Eric: Yeah, but I went to do that.
• 35:31
  Eric: I saw this guy stopping, and I I you know because I'm lazy, and which has already been established as my driving on the shoulder momentarily, momentarily, because I'm lazy, I I got over on the shoulder early.
• 35:44
  Eric: So I was I was hanging out in that shoulder for like a second.
• 35:47
  Eric: There's only like two or three cars on this road, by the way.
• 35:50
  Eric: It's not like there was traffic and I was riding the shoulder.
• 35:52
  Eric: Those people can go to hell.
• 35:53
  Eric: But as I'm passing this car, I realized it wasn't just one car stopped, it was like three, and sandwiched between three cars was a fucking cop.
• 36:00
  Eric: So the cop just had this lovely view of me driving up the shoulder.
• 36:06
  Eric: At which point, as soon as I see the, I look over, see the cop, and my brain reflexively, I hit the emergency blinkers on the car and I pull to a stop and I park.
• 36:15
  Eric: And then the cop pulls up, like, because the cop did that thing.
• 36:18
  Eric: As soon as I passed him, he started, he started like like moving to to engage.
• 36:23
  Eric: He pulls up beside me, he's like, hey, everything all right.
• 36:25
  Eric: And I just, without even thinking, I'm like, oh yeah, check engine light came on.
• 36:29
  Eric: I just wanted to pull over, check under the hood, make sure everything's okay.
• 36:32
  Eric: And he's like, Oh yeah, that makes sense.
• 36:33
  Eric: And he drives Eric.
• 36:35
  Eric: Blue check.
• 36:36
  Eric: Did you get out of the car and check under the hood?
• 36:38
  Eric: Oh, motherfucker, you better believe her.
• 36:40
  Eric: As long as that cop car was in line of sight of me, I got out of the car, lifted the hood, touched, touched a finger to my chin, like, mmm, yeah.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just see what's going on in the air.
• 36:52
  Eric: That's an engine.
• 36:53
  Eric: Still here.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:55
  Matt: Just as I suspected, that's the windshield washer feeling.
• 36:59
  Eric: I literally, I opened it up and just said out loud to no one but me, I was like, Yep, that's an engine.
• 37:04
  Eric: It's checked.
• 37:05
  Eric: I do the same shit.
• 37:08
  Eric: And then got back in the car, waited a beat, and then pulled off.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_03: Pull the dipstick out.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_03: Huh.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:15
  Matt: I haven't pulled one of these out in quite some time.
• 37:18
  Matt: I really have not.
• 37:19
  Matt: I don't change my own oil.
• 37:20
  Matt: Come on.
• 37:21
  Matt: What am I a peasant?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_03: What are you on?
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_03: Minicy, by the way.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_03: Sponsored by Mine Key.
• 37:26
  Eric: So, Matt, now that you have a better understanding of like actions, bonus action, like what what what what if you could do anything as a bonus action, Matt, what would it be?
• 37:33
  Eric: What's your initiative?
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like what's your initiative?
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like your initiative's high.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: How how willing are you to just get involved with something?
• 37:42
  Matt: I'd say pretty high, but maybe not as high as you might you might think.
• 37:48
  Matt: So if we're doing the 20, I I maybe it's 17, 16, 17.
• 37:53
  Eric: I think a 17 or I'd say 17 or 18.
• 37:56
  Eric: Because here's my thing.
• 37:57
  Eric: Like, I wouldn't say initiative-wise, Matt, that you're like, oh yeah, I'm gonna take on all these products.
• 38:01
  Matt: But like a little selective.
• 38:04
  Eric: Once you are in it, like once you are in combat, so to speak, you're like, all right, I'm doing this.
• 38:10
  Eric: I'm going fucking all in.
• 38:12
  Matt: I and I've talked about this before, I think, on on the show.
• 38:15
  Matt: Like, I'm also a very loyal person.
• 38:17
  Matt: And like I relate this a little bit to this because I find, I think, my loyalty is somewhat difficult to earn, but much harder to get rid of once you've got it.
• 38:31
  Matt: And so you would be a dwarf.
• 38:33
  Matt: Like, I'm I'm when I'm committed, I'm saying I'm fucking all in.
• 38:37
  Matt: And so, but that's why I can't give myself like a 20 on this.
• 38:41
  Matt: Because like if I do commit to it, I'll give you a 20 level of effort.
• 38:45
  Matt: But I'm not doing that just across the board.
• 38:47
  Matt: Who has the time?
• 38:49
  Eric: You can't.
• 38:51
  Matt: Um, so yeah, maybe like a 1617.
• 38:54
  Matt: Um yeah, yeah.
• 38:57
  Matt: That that's probably what I'd give myself for for initiative.
• 39:00
  Matt: So these actions main action.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_03: So this could be like a spell, or if you're like uh if you're a melee character, this could be your your two-handed sword attack, you know, that kind of thing.
• 39:09
  Matt: Yeah, what is your what's your signature move?
• 39:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:12
  Matt: Now you two can check me on this, okay?
• 39:14
  Matt: You know, both of us we go way back over a decade now.
• 39:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:20
  Matt: For for all of us in in general.
• 39:23
  Matt: Yes, yeah, we all got our goods.
• 39:24
  Matt: No one can see we're all wearing glasses.
• 39:26
  Matt: No one sees that we all adjust our glasses.
• 39:28
  Eric: What a good Who said that?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 39:31
  Eric: Uh wait.
• 39:32
  Eric: This is we look like a lineup for white collar crime.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:36
  Eric: Uh 100%.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_03: What head shape was he?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 39:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 39:42
  Eric: Please select the hedge fund manager from the lineup.
• 39:44
  Eric: A light beard, you say.
• 39:46
  Eric: Hmm.
• 39:46
  Eric: Uh was it red?
• 39:49
  Eric: Oh, it was?
• 39:50
  Eric: All right.
• 39:50
  Eric: She goes.
• 39:51
  Eric: The most infuriating game of guess who.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: Shay, yeah, you're good, sir.
• 39:55
  Eric: Um was he tall?
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: How tall?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:58
  Matt: So this is okay.
• 39:59
  Matt: So this is a little bit of um, this is a little bit of a tangent, but I have to say it because I was just I just encountered this man.
• 40:05
  Matt: This man being my dentist.
• 40:07
  Matt: Now, he's the only for the first time I went to a dentist.
• 40:12
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 40:13
  Matt: Uh I have a long history of dental problems.
• 40:17
  Matt: But anyway, so I'm going to see my dentist.
• 40:19
  Matt: And he's very good.
• 40:20
  Matt: I like him quite a bit.
• 40:21
  Matt: Uh, but the interesting thing that happens with my dentist is he always brings up the same point.
• 40:28
  Matt: And I'm gonna ask you two here.
• 40:31
  Matt: Okay.
• 40:31
  Matt: You're seeing my face.
• 40:33
  Matt: Audience, you've seen my face too in in the promos and stuff.
• 40:36
  Matt: And if you haven't, you're fucking missing out.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:40
  Matt: What color is my hair?
• 40:44
  unknown: Brown.
• 40:45
  Matt: Brown.
• 40:45
  Matt: Brown, right?
• 40:46
  Matt: Like it is like chocolate brown.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is Hershey factory out of it.
• 40:53
  Matt: He always makes some comment about me being a redhead.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_03: Matthew, I am a hundred percent on board.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I do have a slightly better hair than you do, but all the time.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, well, look at this redhead.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then like, really?
• 41:13
  Eric: Well, you've you've got more red in your beard, like poached up.
• 41:16
  Eric: You yeah, you've got the you've got the ginger beard somewhat like I do.
• 41:19
  Matt: I've got a few errant red hairs in my beard, but like none that dominate the color scheme.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_03: Not enough to point to you and say, that guy's a redhead.
• 41:30
  Matt: The first time he did it, the first time he did it, I thought he was making a joke.
• 41:35
  Matt: So I like laughed at it, and then he mentioned it again.
• 41:39
  Matt: And I remember turning to the, he was like, Yeah, redheads have like weak teeth.
• 41:44
  Matt: And I like turned to the hygienist, and I was like, and she also like looked at me like, you don't have fucking red hair.
• 41:53
  Matt: So like I was like, Is he is he colorblind?
• 41:56
  Eric: I I don't I don't know.
• 41:58
  Eric: I'm sorry, yeah.
• 41:58
  Eric: Mike, I'm right there with you.
• 42:00
  Eric: Uh, I feel like the lead might have gotten somewhat buried here.
• 42:03
  Eric: Yeah, just made fun of you.
• 42:06
  Eric: Redheads have weaker teeth?
• 42:08
  Eric: That's what borderline eugenic shit.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, wait, he's like, well, as you know.
• 42:14
  Matt: Maybe he saw my last name and maybe he is somewhat colorblind or something.
• 42:18
  Matt: He saw my last name and was like, this is fucking.
• 42:20
  Eric: Oh, you know, like you know you Irish have the weak teeth.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, what the fuck?
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know you Irish can't handle meat.
• 42:29
  Eric: Breaking your teeth on your your humble black bread.
• 42:32
  Eric: The most bigoted dentist.
• 42:35
  Matt: Well, you know how those Irish are.
• 42:37
  Matt: He's like measuring your skull.
• 42:40
  Matt: No, no, he's not a bigot.
• 42:42
  Matt: I'm not now I'm not releasing his name.
• 42:44
  Matt: He's a good he's a good man.
• 42:46
  Matt: He's a good man who just thinks things about red.
• 42:49
  Eric: No, we get Matt, he's just old-fashioned who just hates the Irish.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so much.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: He just despises the Irish.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_03: He was closed on St.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_03: Patrick's Day.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_03: Uh teeth.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'll have to ask my wife.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 43:05
  Eric: Does she have awesome?
• 43:06
  Eric: How many root canals has she had?
• 43:08
  Eric: You you do date.
• 43:10
  Eric: I was almost said you date.
• 43:11
  Eric: You are married to the reddest head.
• 43:14
  Eric: Yes, true.
• 43:15
  Eric: True.
• 43:16
  Eric: She's quite redheaded.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_03: A true redhead, yes.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, a true redhead, true.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: And uh she's never once mentioned the softness or weakness of her teeth.
• 43:24
  Matt: Has she had any uh root canals or anything like that?
• 43:27
  Matt: No.
• 43:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 43:29
  Matt: I'm up to three.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's she's got good teeth.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:32
  Eric: I've not had a root can they they keep offering it, but it just, you know.
• 43:36
  Eric: This is pissing me off because now every redhead I ever meet for the rest of my life, I'm gonna be looking at their teeth.
• 43:43
  Matt: Are you weak in the teeth?
• 43:44
  Matt: Hey, let me ask you something.
• 43:44
  Eric: Do you want a jawbreaker?
• 43:46
  Matt: Let me ask you something.
• 43:47
  Matt: How those teeth train you?
• 43:48
  Matt: How they hold it.
• 43:50
  Eric: I start wiggling one.
• 43:52
  Eric: Like I'm panning for gold.
• 43:54
  Eric: Sir, can you leave the Arby's?
• 43:56
  Matt: So my actions, I think maybe, and you two can.
• 44:00
  Matt: Check me on this.
• 44:01
  Matt: I think I can be honest with myself here.
• 44:03
  Matt: Okay.
• 44:03
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:04
  Matt: I think maybe it's complain, is my primary idea.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:09
  Matt: And but I feel like as a media.
• 44:11
  Matt: Or if if I if I could dress it up a little bit, criticize.
• 44:15
  Eric: How about that?
• 44:16
  Eric: That's critique.
• 44:17
  Eric: There's liter Matt, there's literally a spell called vicious mockery where you insult someone so hard you deal psychic damage to them.
• 44:24
  Eric: That's you.
• 44:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 44:29
  Eric: Uh I I feel like to that end, your bonus action is forgiving to you're you're able to hop to Wikipedia to find information to back up your critique.
• 44:38
  Eric: Yes.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's a research bonus action.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:41
  Matt: I have gotten so bad.
• 44:43
  Matt: I hate, I'm desperately trying to stop.
• 44:45
  Matt: I don't know how I got into this pattern, but and I know it's a thing these days because I've seen it on the TikTok.
• 44:51
  Matt: We'll be watching TV and the we've been watching like a lot of older shows.
• 44:55
  Matt: Like we just started Six Feet Under.
• 44:56
  Matt: And so like there's a obviously like there's a bunch of people who've gone on to be famous in the show.
• 45:02
  Matt: And I am so bad about being like, oh, who is that?
• 45:06
  Matt: And pulling up IMDB like while we're watching shows.
• 45:09
  Matt: I do it all the time now.
• 45:11
  Matt: And I I hate it.
• 45:13
  Matt: But I can't stop.
• 45:14
  Matt: I have to know.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_03: I have I have that thing where I, if I'm watching, I watch a lot of animated things, and I have to tell you any person's voice if I recognize the voice.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_03: Before you can't look it up.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta be like, oh, that's Jack Black.
• 45:28
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 45:29
  Eric: I will tort I might I'm the exact same way.
• 45:31
  Eric: I will torture myself and whoever's watching the thing with me for like 20 minutes.
• 45:34
  Eric: I'm like, who is that?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_03: Who is that?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_03: I heard that voice.
• 45:38
  Eric: Is that you?
• 45:40
  Eric: Yeah, I would say either Phil Lamar or or like eight out of ten, it's probably Alan Tudic.
• 45:45
  Eric: Like, is true.
• 45:47
  Matt: My main man, Alan Tudic.
• 45:49
  Matt: Love him.
• 45:49
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:49
  Matt: Uh yeah, so those would be my uh actions, bonus actions, I feel.
• 45:53
  Eric: Yeah, yep, yep, yep.
• 45:54
  Eric: Mike, how about you?
• 45:55
  Eric: What's your actions?
• 45:56
  Eric: What's your bonus actions?
• 45:57
  Eric: You bard?
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, I guess I am a bard.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh truly you are.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_03: I know that much.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_03: That much she knows.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I guess my initiative's pretty high, but I think in the same way that Matt you described, like it's a an engagement to initiative.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if I care, it's it's 20 plus five.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_03: I will go above and beyond to get that thing done.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um but um so I would say it starts pretty high.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_03: I would say my initiative to get things done is pretty high.
• 46:28
  Eric: I will say you are, and I don't, and I don't think this is an exaggeration, I'm not blowing smoke up your ass.
• 46:33
  Eric: You're one of the most driven human beings I've ever known.
• 46:36
  Eric: Truly.
• 46:37
  Eric: Like, I I like oh my god.
• 46:39
  Eric: Inarguable.
• 46:40
  Eric: Inarguably, like like you, you were just I'm like, he's he's just going for it.
• 46:45
  Eric: You you wake up every fucking day, you just can't stop, won't stop.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_03: And my and and I gotta tell you, my therapist calls it a problem.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: Calls it unhealthy.
• 46:59
  Eric: Uh he called it something obsessive, man.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what it is.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: ADHD.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: I had to cancel the appointment.
• 47:06
  Eric: I was on my way to a pitch.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, shut your mouth.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: My way to a pitch meeting.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_03: This is taking too long.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um get it done with.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, yeah, no, I definitely have a high initiative.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_03: I would say, yeah, my action is probably I definitely have a I often fall into a leadership position awfully quickly whenever I'm in like a group.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I feel like we can all sort of commiserate with that.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_03: We are once given a task, man of action, who want to proceed, can't want to complete it to the best of our abilities.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_03: And furthermore, none of us will know how to do it.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like we all know how to do it better than everybody else, and trust us.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um just let us let us do it, and then you can be a part of it later.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I I might have pulled that card at once or twice in my life.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's like it's already done.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_03: Just work you can kill the words in.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_03: The um Yeah, you can wordsmiff it later.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so yes, I think my action would probably be like a creative action.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_03: It would be sort of like a um uh what's what's the the like mage hand type of thing?
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um it would be like manifesting things as they are, like uh somebody needs I mean being a bard, right?
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: It would be like a mage hand for music, if you will.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like whatever you need, I can find the song for it.
• 48:26
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, one hundred true skill for sure you possess.
• 48:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:31
  Eric: I feel like you'd be like, like, oh, you need a song about your dentist commenting on your genetics and how it relates to your teeth.
• 48:38
  Eric: Well, no one could do it, but I guess it would sound a little something like this.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_03: A little something like that like Malchane has walked into the Yeah, and and did you just pull out a keyboard?
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah with a this whole thing.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_03: Is that how you've been walking with a limp?
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um just wave one pant leg.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um the yeah, so that my main action would be like, yeah, the the song of power.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um and the bonus action would probably be um avoiding responsibility.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um on the opposite side, it's like I feel like I could just get away.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_03: I think I have such a high charisma score in my life that which goes with bards uh very well, is that like I can get away with things that people can't.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's not just the white privilege, you know, that helps, but it goes for miles.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_03: It goes, I am white as they come.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_03: And um I think yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_03: It would be that sort of um charisma b boost.
• 49:40
  Eric: Yep, you know.
• 49:40
  Eric: And and that gets us into trouble sometimes because like there have been so many times we're like, we're like, oh, poaches, poach, you're fucking on top.
• 49:48
  Eric: Like, like, we're like, oh yeah, you're great, you're doing it.
• 49:50
  Eric: And the entire time, like, oh, thank God one of us believes that.
• 49:55
  Matt: Yeah, it's yeah, it it's true though.
• 49:58
  Matt: You do have the you do have a charismatic power over the rest of the population, I feel, and I think that suits you well as a bard.
• 50:06
  Matt: We can only pray he stays on our side.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_03: I I use it for kindness, I think.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_03: That's also I think the benefit, too, is people are much more likely to be uh okay with you using your woo-ey sort of charisma if you're doing a good thing.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_03: If you're trying to get something, yeah.
• 50:22
  Matt: You you could have gone into sales and you chose not to.
• 50:25
  unknown: I chose.
• 50:26
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh God, Mike, yeah.
• 50:27
  Eric: If you if you had decided to go down like biz the business path, you'd probably like in five years we'll all be working for that man.
• 50:36
  Eric: You wouldn't be on this fucking podcast, I'll tell you that.
• 50:38
  Eric: That's for sure.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'd own this podcast yet.
• 50:41
  Matt: Yeah.
• 50:41
  Matt: Um yeah.
• 50:42
  Matt: You'd be talking to Dave Ramsey right now instead.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_02: Did you see his rant the other day where he was like, I have a third hundred million dollars?
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's why he was top of mind.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I'd be like, mine's 400.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_02: Now get out of my helicopter.
• 51:02
  Matt: Um, you're you're podcasting a helicopter.
• 51:05
  Matt: That's interesting.
• 51:06
  Matt: Audio quality space choice.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's terrible, but actually I have it's it's insulated.
• 51:11
  Matt: It's all that, it's all that TV.
• 51:14
  Matt: Uh, you know, I don't know if the the headsets actually sound like that, but um in any helicopter in any movie, they all sound the exact same way.
• 51:22
  Matt: You know what I'm talking about?
• 51:23
  Matt: How they all sound like I'll do it in post.
• 51:25
  Matt: But yeah, it all It all sounds very garbled like this.
• 51:28
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_03: All right, just look ahead here.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_03: This is for Matt and Post later.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_03: Uh all right, just look over there.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: You see it?
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's the drop point.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_03: You guys ready?
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's always open the door.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_03: All right, three, two, one, go, go, go.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_03: And like, you know.
• 51:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 51:43
  Eric: Always the same sound quality.
• 51:45
  Eric: So I'm the I'm the guy in the side of the helicopter.
• 51:47
  Eric: Like, I'm hefting a machine gun.
• 51:49
  Eric: I'm like, we don't make the rules, we just break them.
• 51:52
  Eric: Jump out first.
• 51:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 51:53
  Eric: I always gotta have the pithy one-liner, and I die immediately.
• 51:56
  Eric: Like, I'm um this is Starship Troopers.
• 51:58
  Eric: You you jump out, you forgot your shoot.
• 52:00
  Matt: You sniper to the face.
• 52:02
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:03
  Matt: He just immediately jumped, and all of us are like, did he did he have a parachute on?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think he had a parachute on.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: He had a very heavy gun, though.
• 52:11
  Eric: We all assumed he knew what he was doing, and he had a parachute on.
• 52:15
  Matt: He didn't, he just fell right out.
• 52:16
  Matt: He didn't even jump.
• 52:17
  Matt: Sack of fucking potatoes.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: He's already hit the ground.
• 52:20
  Matt: Uh yeah, any of our uh paratrooper listeners out there, feel free to write in and correct us with any of this, whatever this is, that whatever the show has become.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um and then I that right before Matt, you jump out.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's my character would be the pilot, and then I go, I go, hey, remember, this is for your brother.
• 52:39
  Matt: You know, and then it's like And then right before I jump, I turn right before I you I jump out.
• 52:49
  Matt: Uh it would be my role, I think, to say something like, You don't need to fucking remind me what it's for, and then jump.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:56
  Eric: I also feel like Matt, you'd be you'd be the Tom Hanks in saving private Ryan.
• 53:00
  Eric: Like you'd be the like, do not want to be here.
• 53:03
  Eric: Am gonna do this to the absolute top of my abilities, but god damn it, I deserve to go home, but I'm not gonna.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: God damn it.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not gonna.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_02: I would be the guy who gets stabbed in the chest.
• 53:15
  Matt: Um, yeah, same, baby.
• 53:21
  Matt: Got those Tum smoothies on on deck at all times.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you know, you know, you get to a point where you're getting older and you have heartburn when you see a Pepto Abysmal bottle and the cat and the little cup, and you just go, no, thank you.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then you just give it to me straight.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_03: Get this out of here.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_03: You're like, my mouth is the measuring cup, thank you.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I know what I need.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: I know what I need.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_02: This measure servings per bottle.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: Two.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_03: Two.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_03: So should I hit you guys with another question?
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, um, so this one, this one actually was hit with me.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm a Magic the Gathering player, and I was playing with a group of people.
• 53:56
  Eric: Are you I was playing last night.
• 53:58
  Eric: I play Commander every Friday.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, we have to play now.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_03: I play Commander too.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_03: I work at a game shop.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, um Yes.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: So, um Oathbreaker, let's talk about that later.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_03: One of the people in my playgroup came to me with this question and they said, Is Frosty from Frosty the Snowman uh the snowman, or is he the hat?
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because and the and the reason he posed this to me is they put the hat on a snowman's head and he becomes Frosty the Snowman.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, sure.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: What happens if that hat goes on another snowman?
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_03: Is it Frosty?
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_03: Or is it another snowman with a different name?
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_03: The snowman of Theseus.
• 54:34
  Matt: Um this is this is difficult.
• 54:36
  Matt: I haven't thought about this before.
• 54:37
  Matt: But you're right.
• 54:38
  Matt: I mean, they build the snowman, they put the hat on him, and Frosty appears.
• 54:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 54:43
  Matt: He inhabits the snow.
• 54:44
  Matt: Right.
• 54:44
  Eric: Uh, what was the name?
• 54:45
  Eric: Because it reminds me of like uh if you've played Oblivion or Skyrim, there was uh there's a sword.
• 54:52
  Eric: It's a it appears in like all of the Elder Scrolls games, it's a cursed sword that has a name.
• 54:57
  Eric: And every time you encounter that sword, it's carried by a different person who has the same name as the sword.
• 55:04
  Eric: Like from the like the sword passes from hand to hand and it possesses like the person who has it.
• 55:11
  Eric: I I do firmly believe that the that the hat is the source of Frosty's consciousness.
• 55:17
  Eric: Like it is yeah, it's all coming from the hat.
• 55:19
  Eric: Like the hat will bend reality.
• 55:21
  Eric: Frosty could be a fucking puddle, they sit the hat on the puddle and all of a sudden like back to being a snowman.
• 55:28
  Matt: I don't know if that's true, because once he starts to melt, the story is over and he'll be back again someday.
• 55:34
  Matt: Right?
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_03: So to me, yeah, the hat could be it is it sort of like a genie situation.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_03: Is the hat the lamp by which or like a is he a lich?
• 55:44
  Matt: I mean I I do think he's in the hat.
• 55:47
  Matt: Like I do think Poach, you're right.
• 55:48
  Matt: That's the source of his consciousness.
• 55:50
  Matt: His consciousness is stored in the hat.
• 55:52
  Matt: But he does require a snowman's body.
• 55:55
  Matt: You can't just throw him on a statue and he'll show up.
• 55:59
  Eric: We're dealing with an altered carbon sort of situation where like that's his that's his little memory, that's his little consciousness disc.
• 56:05
  Eric: Yeah, and and in the hat.
• 56:08
  Eric: Doesn't matter what body, which it does beg the question have we ever seen what happens if a person wears the hat?
• 56:14
  Eric: Because I don't think like in the cartoon, the magician never wore it because the rabbit was always inside of it and shit.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_03: But the rabbit was inside of it.
• 56:21
  Eric: I know.
• 56:21
  Eric: Was the Miss Frosty the rabbit?
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_03: And that rabbit has a name.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_03: That was actually a trivia question the other day, and I was trying to remember the rabbit's name.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_03: But the magician.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_03: And you still can't, so I guess you got that wrong.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_03: I got it very wrong.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_03: It drops the eggs everywhere.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 56:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:42
  Eric: Um so so so so yeah, so we we see the rabbit and the hat.
• 56:46
  Eric: The rabbit doesn't exhibit any strange behavior.
• 56:48
  Eric: No.
• 56:49
  Eric: Uh so I'm wondering if it's sort of like a ritual magic kind of thing.
• 56:53
  Eric: Like it, like, yeah, it's like like the hat would be, if we're using DD terms, that would be like the spell focus.
• 56:58
  Eric: Like that would be the the or the material, you know, or you know, the snow and stuff is like the material components.
• 57:03
  Eric: The hat is like the the the fucking the linchpin of this spell.
• 57:07
  Eric: Like it has to be a combination.
• 57:08
  Eric: Like you it's like building a golem, essentially.
• 57:11
  Eric: Like you have to give it shape, and then you have to take the fucking magical uh accelerator, put it on the put it on this mass, and then it becomes sentient.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_03: That does become an interesting point, though, because Matt, you said, well, it it wouldn't happen on a statue, but we've never seen that happen.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_03: And it theoretically could, because an animate object like snow is just as uh viable as like a stone sculpture or a brass sculpture.
• 57:37
  Matt: Yeah, I guess you're I guess you're right.
• 57:39
  Matt: I guess you're right.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_03: We don't see it disproved.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_03: But is there an organic matter situation where, well, water is in snow, right?
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_03: There is an organic element to it that I just don't think you'd find in like a rock that is.
• 57:54
  Matt: Doesn't he he doesn't just refer to himself as Frosty, right?
• 57:57
  Matt: He does refer to himself as Frosty the Snowman.
• 58:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_03: So without saying happy birthday.
• 58:02
  Matt: Happy birthday.
• 58:04
  Matt: So perhaps he does require he still like needs the snow because he is it's like a i it's a it's a puzzle, right?
• 58:12
  Matt: The hat is one piece and the rest of it is the snow.
• 58:16
  Matt: And together you get Frosty the Snowman.
• 58:18
  Matt: That could be very true, is that the snow is part of his uh his his his curse, if you will.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_03: He's got to live in the hat, and only when it touches the form of a snowman was he able to be able to come out and say, Yeah, what what did Frosty do to be?
• 58:36
  Eric: I yeah.
• 58:38
  Eric: There's also that weird angle of like, should you ever notice like they built because you whenever Frosty first comes to life, they always put the hat on, we can say it, a shitty snowman.
• 58:47
  Eric: Like it's a pretty shitty snowman made by but then when the hat goes on, it literally alters the form and the shape.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's like uh ah, he gets snow arms, not arms, fucking legs.
• 59:00
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, he gets he really rounds out, let's say.
• 59:03
  Eric: So he like will there's a shape that Frosty identifies with, and he like and it bends the snow to that shape.
• 59:11
  Eric: And like like it's like it's like conforming to the idea of Frosty.
• 59:17
  Eric: Yes.
• 59:17
  Eric: The hat's idea of Frosty.
• 59:19
  Eric: Some complicated magic.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's a curse, I think.
• 59:24
  Matt: It's like if the sorting hat could control its host.
• 59:28
  Matt: That's sort of what's happening here.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_03: It is um really, really compelling that he has done something to be trapped in this hat forever.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_03: And it is absolutely, I believe it's a curse because he's eventually going to melt unless he chooses to live in like anarchy.
• 59:46
  Matt: He consist he can continually melts year after year.
• 59:50
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 59:51
  Eric: This is off the dome.
• 59:53
  Eric: Let's examine the fact that the hat is a top hat.
• 59:56
  Eric: It's a pretty fan, it's a it's an old silk.
• 59:58
  Eric: There's a flower.
• 59:59
  Eric: It's a it's a fancy hat with a flower.
• 1:00:02
  Eric: What if what if it's like a possession kind of thing?
• 1:00:05
  Eric: What if that Frosty was a man at one point, a living man, he and obviously of a high station considering his silken top hat.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: Right.
• 1:00:13
  Eric: Uh wasn't made of like velvet or anything, or like fucking like uh uh uh uh uh or even velveteen, if we were to to lower ourselves to such.
• 1:00:22
  Eric: But it it's made of silk.
• 1:00:24
  Eric: I'm wondering, like I'm imagining that Frosty was like this kind of a m a Mr.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: Banks from Mary Poppin situation where he was he was like a banker, wealthy, something he had kids who he ignored for his work.
• 1:00:38
  Eric: All his kids ever wanted to do was do you want to build a snowman?
• 1:00:42
  Eric: And he never did, he was never there for them.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: I'm guessing like Jack Frost with Michael.
• 1:00:47
  Eric: My best guess is that his children uh died of some Victorian disease.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: Uh they had uh uh you know the the coughing red into the handkerchief syndrome.
• 1:00:56
  Eric: Consumption overcome with guilt, he like, you know, he died of a broken heart or whatever, you know, couldn't live with himself anymore.
• 1:01:04
  Eric: And as punishment, like karmic punishment, and and you know, he he now haunts that hat, and now like when he he is the snowman.
• 1:01:13
  Matt: He like and he I don't I I could be wrong, but as Mike said, I think you're describing the plot of the movie Jack Frost.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_03: Jack Frost with Mike Keaton.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_03: I've never seen that movie.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_03: He is an absentee father.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_03: But here's the thing.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_03: So you brought that up though, that is there a lore to him, and I like the idea that he's a Mr.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_03: Banksy character who's very focused on his career, and I like to believe that one winter day he got stuck in the snow and he was going to freeze to death.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_03: And a deity of some sort, perhaps a demon, made a deal with him, and he's like, Oh, I'll let you live.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_03: Monkey's pawing.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yes, yes.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, I'm freezing! I'm I'm I'm I'm please help me.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Oh, I'll help you.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'll let you live forever.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Yes, please, and then he died.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_03: Trapped him in the hat.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, fucking love it.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_03: And now his his destiny is to be nice to every child because he never got to be a father.
• 1:02:08
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:09
  Matt: But part of the curse, I think, not his own children.
• 1:02:11
  Matt: Can never see.
• 1:02:12
  Eric: Not his own children, can never get that time back.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: No, no, Michael Keaton.
• 1:02:16
  Eric: Um I take that, Michael Keaton.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:02:20
  Eric: Uh yeah, Matt.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Speaking of which, if you ever play DD with me or with really anyone and you are offered a wish by any entity, just pass.
• 1:02:29
  Eric: Just just fucking.
• 1:02:30
  Eric: There is no world in which that DM is not looking for some way to fuck you over.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:36
  Eric: Interesting.
• 1:02:36
  Eric: Interesting.
• 1:02:37
  Matt: All right, I'll keep that in mind.
• 1:02:39
  Matt: Because I do level I do love my wishes being granted, you know.
• 1:02:42
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 1:02:43
  Matt: Happens so rarely.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: Uh so yeah, the happens so rarely.
• 1:02:50
  Matt: This happens so infrequently.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I had teeth that were strong.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: Strong.
• 1:02:57
  Matt: Because this red beard and my wooden jaw.
• 1:03:02
  Matt: I'm truly a brunette.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: Um now uh yeah, now Eric, didn't you did you correct me if I'm wrong, you had a question for Mr.
• 1:03:09
  Matt: Paris here.
• 1:03:10
  Eric: I did, cause uh because we like to think of fun questions to ask our guests, you know.
• 1:03:14
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: Um, and I and I know you'll you'll have I have every confidence that you'll have an amazing, perfect, hilarious answer that everyone will look for.
• 1:03:24
  Eric: No pressure, no pressure.
• 1:03:25
  Eric: No pressure at all.
• 1:03:26
  Eric: Mike, what famous musical is objectively wrong, and what is your correct solution to fix it?
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_02: Objectively wrong.
• 1:03:35
  Eric: Like, what is what is the famous musical you watch?
• 1:03:38
  Eric: Like, they are fucking this up, it should have ended this way, or they should have done this.
• 1:03:42
  Eric: I I alone can fix that.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: Like, what is what is your if you could be so curious about your answer here.
• 1:03:49
  Eric: If you could if you could fix any any famous musical, what would it be?
• 1:03:53
  Eric: Yeah, if you could lie.
• 1:03:57
  Eric: Yeah person.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um well, my first answer is only funny to us and people who um went to Broadwayworld.com at a certain time.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I know exactly.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_02: I know this is gonna be my answer.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_02: I would kill Mimi at the end of Rent.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um Thank you.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: You know, that production of Rent at Towson University has grown infamous quite a bit.
• 1:04:20
  Eric: To this day, if I bring up to other theater people, I'm from Towson, they're like, oh, the ones who changed the ending to Rent.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_03: And you're like, well, we have a tiger too.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:04:28
  Eric: Well, uh, in fairness, the director did.
• 1:04:30
  Eric: Uh have we and Matt, am I crazy?
• 1:04:33
  Eric: Have we talked about this ever?
• 1:04:35
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: I don't think on the show, no.
• 1:04:37
  Eric: Oh man, Mike, do you wanna do you wanna fill do you wanna fill the folks in on what we're talking about?
• 1:04:42
  Eric: We've come this far, we've teeded.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_03: As yeah, well, as as as I've teased it with that answer, which is not necessarily my answer, and as I think about the answer, I will tell you that I was when we were in college at Dowson University in Baltimore, Maryland, we uh did a production of Rent, the musical by Jonathan Larson, and our director felt it was very socially conscious and the her moral responsibility to have Mimi die and stay dead at the end of Rent.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_03: She famously comes back to life after Roger goes, Mimi, and then she comes back to life.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_03: He sings that shitty song that took him a year to write.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, and it's your eyes.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um when we said our goodbyes, which is just eyes again.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: And everybody else is just turning around, going like, Mark, she's dying.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: And he's just like, this is medical attention.
• 1:05:36
  Eric: It was at that moment he realized the girl telling him that she loved him the entire time did in fact love him.
• 1:05:42
  Eric: But wait, she liked me.
• 1:05:44
  Eric: What?
• 1:05:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_03: So she comes back to life because he sings such a great song.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_03: And um uh and she and she just believed that that's not how life works, which is true.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_03: But you should, I think, first ask the estate who owns the show whether or not you can change the ending.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_03: Of one of the most famous musicals of all time.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_03: If not the most famous musical of all time.
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_03: I uh yeah, so so we got in trouble.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_03: And uh they were gonna shut down the show unless we went back to the original scripted ending.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_03: And we did, because you can't fight an estate with that much money.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: Oh, uh and in fact, I if memory serves, it went a little bit deeper than that, the threat, because MTI, uh Music Theater Musical Theater International, who owned the rights to the show and pretty much all other commercially available musicals.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: Uh they they also said, like, not only will we shut down the show, you won't be able to do an MTI musical ever again.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: And so our department head was like, Yeah, you're changing it back now.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: But it happened for like a full weekend of shorts.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: Oh, I saw the dead meme version.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: Yep, same.
• 1:06:50
  Eric: It's pretty great.
• 1:06:51
  Eric: And that's the fucked up thing.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: I always said it was very compelling, I have to say.
• 1:06:55
  Eric: If you love corpses, yeah, like I will say, in a vacuum, like I actually agree with, I'm like, yes, this is a stronger ending for the show.
• 1:07:05
  Eric: In a vacuum on this podcast?
• 1:07:07
  Eric: Nah, but like, well, in a vacuum, I agree.
• 1:07:10
  Eric: Like, I like if it were up to me if I could wave the magic wand, I would make that the ending of the show.
• 1:07:16
  Eric: I think it's much more compelling.
• 1:07:17
  Eric: It's like, oh wow, shit, there are consequences.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um that's a good point.
• 1:07:22
  Eric: But you can't just do it without asking.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because like I mean, we we we've done plenty of plays and things between us, and and there are some iconic things that happened at the end of shows.
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_03: For instance, when you guys last talked about our production of Macbeth.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_03: And at the end of Macbeth, um, Macduff kills Macbeth.
• 1:07:43
  Eric: Murders the show not, and you could just we just shake hands and he walks off stage.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_03: What's Shakespeare gonna do?
• 1:07:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I don't know.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_03: But it would kind of ruin the show.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_03: So going back to the original question and and touching on the rent thing, yes, not a good idea to do that.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_03: Good idea, bad idea to do it without asking for permission from the writers and the family and the people who own the rights.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um The Music Man is one of my favorite shows, often derided for being out of touch and old, um, which it is both of those things, but this music is so good.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_03: And the thing that I think I would change is at the end of The Music Man, um he is threatened to be tarred and feathered by the town for just saying that he was going to teach people how to play an instrument.
• 1:08:34
  SPEAKER_03: And they get really mad at him saying he's a con man and a swindler for he got them, you know, he said he was gonna get us uniforms and instruments and teach the children how to play.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_03: And he does deliver on two-thirds of those.
• 1:08:48
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:08:48
  Matt: It's to be fair, he does not know how to do the teaching of the of the music.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_03: But of those three things, it's like, all right, well, we can find somebody, right?
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_03: We know that Marian knows how to do it, so and and and her mother knows how to teach piano, and so Miss Peru.
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I so I think that is an ending, but which I think needs examination for many reasons, but just the extreme level by which they take something.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_03: It always bothered me.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_03: I've done the show before, and it always bothered me that he delivers on a good portion of those promises.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that's like a 60%, you know, uh Yeah.
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_03: Were you Harold Hill?
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because you'd be a great Harold Hill.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I understudied Harold.
• 1:09:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um but you'd be good, Marcellus, too, but you'd be a great Harold Hill.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_03: I would love to play Harold.
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_03: I would love to.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um so yes, I I I think that yes, while he is a liar and many things, he does do enough to get they they should give a na I don't know if Tarn Feather is exactly equal to two-thirds return on your investment.
• 1:09:50
  Matt: Yeah, and in the meantime, he did, you know, legitimately inspire the town and do bring a lot of hope and joy that that might have been missing in certain children with lisp's lives.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, throw so and and forever instilled Gary Indiana with in the minds of people forever.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I've never been there, but I know it.
• 1:10:16
  Matt: I know it exists.
• 1:10:18
  Matt: I know it's a place in Indiana.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_03: It knew me when.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: And that thank you, Harold Hill, for doing that.
• 1:10:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:10:25
  Matt: For the people of Gary.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: Um pour one out for Harold Hill.
• 1:10:28
  Matt: Poor poor Poor one out for Gary.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_03: So I would say that that's a big one that has always stuck with me that I think is flawed fundamentally.
• 1:10:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'd also say at the end of Wicked, let's just make her good.
• 1:10:40
  SPEAKER_03: Just make her good.
• 1:10:42
  Matt: Just make her good.
• 1:10:43
  Matt: Uh I think the I mean, in terms of, you know, it's too bad that my um uh wife is in the other room and she has many thoughts on these types of things uh as she completes a doctorate in in musical theater analysis.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: Uh but the uh the basically all the golden age musicals have um some weird work to be done.
• 1:11:02
  Matt: For example, Oklahoma literally ends with a spoiler for Oklahoma, literally ends with a murder in Queen.
• 1:11:12
  Matt: In self-defense, but in cold blood, nevertheless.
• 1:11:15
  Matt: And everybody is like, but but they're getting married, so we'll hold a trial here.
• 1:11:20
  Matt: He's innocent.
• 1:11:20
  Matt: Oh, Oklahoma, that's the literally end of the show.
• 1:11:24
  Matt: And I think we can all agree that like uh was due process followed.
• 1:11:29
  Matt: I don't I don't know that it was.
• 1:11:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's funny that like they get so mad at Judd, and Judd's not a great guy, uh, but like he's mentally unstable and so they just sort of are like from the beginning, they're like, this guy needs to die.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like right off the bat, yeah, are just like this guy needs to die, and they do.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_03: And uh it seems like uh it's a bit of a red herring in the show.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um 100%.
• 1:11:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:11:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um there are a couple yeah, plethora of things.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_03: I would say another another golden age musical that that has not aged super well is South Pacific.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, uh, they just keep trying to do it, and I'm like, do we need to?
• 1:12:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 1:12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Why this play at this time for this audience?
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe we just honor its place in musical theater history and and let it go.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of Roger and Hammerstein shows are are are a little bit like that was great in 1940, you know.
• 1:12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:12:25
  SPEAKER_02: But maybe we just leave it now, leave it now.
• 1:12:28
  Eric: Umliver um specifically, uh the fact that the character Nancy, right?
• 1:12:39
  Eric: The this this this go, this angel of a human who's who's fucking with Bill Sykes, a piece of shit, and like she does so much, risks so much to help this child, and then she dies by getting just beaten to death by Bill Sykes, and then is summarily like summarily never mentioned or acknowledged ever again.
• 1:13:03
  Eric: Yeah, she just gets murdered by a man, and then there's she doesn't get like the lay Ms.
• 1:13:10
  Eric: Her ghost comes on stage and sings to fucking no no fontine treatment.
• 1:13:15
  Eric: No fonte.
• 1:13:16
  Eric: She just goodbye, Nancy.
• 1:13:18
  Eric: We'll and and like that's like the lead that gets married.
• 1:13:21
  Eric: Like, oh, oh, Oliver almost got kidnapped.
• 1:13:23
  Eric: Like a woman was just murdered on stage, and we're not talking about it.
• 1:13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, that's great.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, that woman's dead.
• 1:13:33
  Eric: Cool, cool.
• 1:13:34
  Eric: You've got a but the orphans are safe.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, sure, but you know, she has something to live for.
• 1:13:40
  Eric: I am reviewing this situation, and uh it is it is not good.
• 1:13:46
  Matt: I think maybe we're being uh insensitive now.
• 1:13:50
  Matt: No?
• 1:13:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:52
  Matt: Look what happened.
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it is not a fine, fine life.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's not, it is certainly not.
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's a hard knock life now for Nancy.
• 1:14:00
  Matt: Oh look what I did, a little orphan and orphan crossover.
• 1:14:05
  SPEAKER_03: A little orphan on orphan.
• 1:14:08
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's the crossover we need.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_03: That's the crossover Broadway's been missing is two orphans in the same show.
• 1:14:15
  SPEAKER_03: Same show.
• 1:14:17
  SPEAKER_03: One's a redhead with weak teeth, and the other one is a small cockney British boy who wants more.
• 1:14:26
  Matt: Well done.
• 1:14:27
  Matt: Well, yes, absolutely.
• 1:14:29
  Matt: So, Mike, I do think we're getting to the end here, unfortunately, of our time together.
• 1:14:35
  Matt: Um, but before we let you go, what do you have to plug here?
• 1:14:39
  Matt: What how can our listeners support you?
• 1:14:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um well, you know, they can support me in in in a plethora of ways.
• 1:14:47
  SPEAKER_03: One is just like, you know, supporting your your your fellow arts and your artists.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_03: If you know an artist or an artist is uh your partner or your your your family member, it's like see their thing and support their thing.
• 1:15:03
  SPEAKER_03: Um it means a lot, I think, and people don't know that.
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_03: So I guess for me, it would be to not do something for me.
• 1:15:09
  SPEAKER_03: If you wanted to do something for me, I'm about to start rehearsals for falsettos at Rep Stage uh at Howard Community College.
• 1:15:16
  SPEAKER_03: Hell yeah! And so very fortunate to be on the show, and that will open at the end of April, April 29th.
• 1:15:23
  SPEAKER_03: We opened it.
• 1:15:24
  SPEAKER_03: God, that show is gonna slap.
• 1:15:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna slap.
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_03: And there's some really talented people in it, and I am very grateful to be in the show and being able to be home and be in a uh uh show.
• 1:15:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that's exciting too.
• 1:15:36
  Eric: Hell yeah.
• 1:15:37
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 1:15:38
  Matt: Oh, yeah, if you're in the Columbia, Maryland area, definitely check it out.
• 1:15:42
  Matt: Yeah, definitely.
• 1:15:43
  Matt: You were gonna say something, Poach.
• 1:15:44
  Eric: I was just gonna say, uh, before we started recording, I believe Mike said he has a little present for us.
• 1:15:51
  Eric: I do.
• 1:15:51
  Eric: A little a little bit.
• 1:15:52
  Eric: Oh, you're right.
• 1:15:53
  Eric: You're right, he did.
• 1:15:54
  Matt: He has a gift for us.
• 1:15:56
  Matt: And I love gifts.
• 1:15:57
  Matt: So uh Mike, what's the gift?
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_03: So the gift is um you guys have a very tense, terse, and and passionate Google Gripes um uh uh fight happening.
• 1:16:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um Indeed we do.
• 1:16:11
  SPEAKER_03: You don't even know the back half of it yet, but yes.
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_03: I d I don't, and and but but uh but uh not knowing that I'm going to give you both a single locations reviews.
• 1:16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Oh and I and I uh you know we have to discuss some ground rules is how many guesses do you get?
• 1:16:30
  SPEAKER_03: And do you get one solid guess each, or is it a trade-off type of thing?
• 1:16:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like one person gets to guess if it's the other person gets to go, and then there's a clue and a second guess?
• 1:16:41
  Matt: I would suggest that we in fairness, we have to like maybe text our answer to Mike to so to log them before we present them, like lock them in.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:16:53
  Matt: Is that fair?
• 1:16:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:16:55
  Matt: Um hold on, I gotta clear my clear my mind.
• 1:16:58
  Matt: I wasn't I wasn't ready for a Google.
• 1:17:00
  Matt: I know.
• 1:17:01
  Eric: No one ever is.
• 1:17:02
  Matt: And if you uh for the audience's perspective, if this is your first episode, this surprise edition, this this we'll call it uh we'll call it a uh uh an exhibition match of Google Gripes.
• 1:17:15
  Matt: Uh Google Gripes is a segment where we read one star Google reviews of quote well-known places, and the other person has to guess.
• 1:17:24
  Matt: Uh, we did uh a round of it um on the the the last two episodes, 61 and 62, both have uh Google Gripes to their names.
• 1:17:34
  Matt: Uh so go check them out.
• 1:17:36
  Matt: And um, you're right, it was quite controversial, Mike Purie.
• 1:17:40
  Matt: So um so yeah, we'll cleanse the palette with a with a friendly match.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 1:17:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I've just uh put you both in a group message, let me know.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I took off my glasses as to not give any reflection of what I'm looking at.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um perfect, perfect.
• 1:17:57
  SPEAKER_03: So how many reviews are you giving us?
• 1:18:00
  SPEAKER_03: Three or one?
• 1:18:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna give you three negative and one positive.
• 1:18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh I'll start there.
• 1:18:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you guys usually give like a little bit of context.
• 1:18:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um, this is a place that I'm confident that you all both have been to before.
• 1:18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Been to.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_03: I know this for a fact, and well, I think I know this for a fact.
• 1:18:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:18:22
  SPEAKER_03: And yes, so we're gonna hit you with some of these reviews.
• 1:18:25
  SPEAKER_03: So this is a one-star review from Andrew, who said, Went here a few years ago, and I randomly remembered this morning how terrible the parking was here.
• 1:18:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 1:18:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's the whole review, and it was helpful.
• 1:18:39
  SPEAKER_03: One person said very helpful.
• 1:18:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, another one, this is Kyle.
• 1:18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Three years ago.
• 1:18:45
  SPEAKER_03: Only good for the parties, nothing else.
• 1:18:48
  SPEAKER_03: Helpful three times, people said that was helpful.
• 1:18:51
  SPEAKER_03: And the third negative review was not worth your time.
• 1:18:56
  SPEAKER_03: Helpful five times.
• 1:18:58
  SPEAKER_03: People love that one.
• 1:18:59
  SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:19:01
  SPEAKER_03: So so that was went here a few years ago, randomly remembered this morning how terrible parking was here.
• 1:19:07
  SPEAKER_03: One star.
• 1:19:08
  SPEAKER_03: One star, only good for the parties, nothing else.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_03: And Lauren said, not worth your time, and people really love that one.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_03: So that's just the negatives I'll give you a little bit of a few.
• 1:19:17
  Matt: And you have one positive.
• 1:19:18
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:19:19
  Matt: I'm trying to Because I think I have a guess, and I'm I'm wondering if it's a location we've done.
• 1:19:25
  Matt: But uh continue.
• 1:19:26
  Matt: It might be.
• 1:19:27
  Matt: It might be the that I've missed this location.
• 1:19:29
  Matt: Possibly.
• 1:19:30
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and you guess it's just so prolific.
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I'm also curling while I'm listening.
• 1:19:35
  SPEAKER_03: So this is uh World Renown Historic Blank needs no critique from me, as I am not worthy.
• 1:19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Five stars from Anthony.
• 1:19:47
  Matt: Huh.
• 1:19:48
  Matt: Okay, that one makes me question my guess that I have ready to send.
• 1:19:53
  Matt: I think Oh man.
• 1:19:55
  Matt: I was ready to hit send on it, but now I'm giving it a Oh I think I do have a guess.
• 1:20:02
  Eric: I think I have a guess.
• 1:20:04
  Matt: I think I have my guess as well.
• 1:20:05
  Matt: I'm sticking to my guess, I think.
• 1:20:07
  Eric: I have it typed.
• 1:20:08
  Eric: I think you might know it.
• 1:20:09
  Eric: I'm ready to hit send whenever.
• 1:20:11
  Matt: Okay, go ahead.
• 1:20:12
  Matt: I'm sending now.
• 1:20:14
  Matt: Oh hey, friends, it's me, the editor.
• 1:20:17
  Matt: And it seems that in the chaos of this spontaneous Google Gripes, all three of these idiots forgot that it was an audio medium and did not say what the guesses were.
• 1:20:30
  Matt: Uh amateurs.
• 1:20:33
  Matt: Anyway, Poach said Clemson University, and Matt said Towson University.
• 1:20:40
  Matt: Carry on.
• 1:20:43
  Matt: Ooh, interesting.
• 1:20:47
  Matt: Okay, alright.
• 1:20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 1:20:49
  SPEAKER_03: So you both got yeah, the university is is true.
• 1:20:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was in fact our alma mater, Towson University.
• 1:20:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, it was like it's either Towson or Clemson University.
• 1:20:58
  Matt: Townsend University.
• 1:20:59
  Matt: You uh Eric, you you what was your guess you can say now?
• 1:21:02
  Eric: Oh, my guess was Clemson University, where we all did WordBridge together.
• 1:21:06
  SPEAKER_03: Where we all did WordBridge in 2010.
• 1:21:08
  Matt: It's true.
• 1:21:09
  Matt: The um yes, we did do this before.
• 1:21:11
  Matt: Eric did it once, and I think he used that parking review.
• 1:21:16
  Eric: Because every single slide, every single fucking one-star review was about how shitty the parking was.
• 1:21:22
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:21:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, and it's I just love not worth your time, the most helpful was yes.
• 1:21:28
  Matt: 100%.
• 1:21:29
  Matt: Um big shout out to Towson University, which uh I I I do have to say earlier, Mike Bree, you introduced by saying is in Baltimore, Maryland, and I think it is notably in Towson, Maryland.
• 1:21:43
  Matt: Yeah, county Baltimore.
• 1:21:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:21:45
  Matt: Uh but but yes, it is in Baltimore County.
• 1:21:47
  Matt: You're correct.
• 1:21:48
  Matt: But uh for those of you for those prospective college students listening to the show.
• 1:21:54
  SPEAKER_03: If you're walking through uh Mount Vernon looking for Towson University, looking you're trying to get your kid into a college.
• 1:22:02
  Matt: Uh if you're one of our listeners, you and the paratroopers, by all means check in, check out Tassiny University.
• 1:22:11
  Matt: Oh, well, Mike, thank I mean, thank you for a surprise, Google Gripe.
• 1:22:16
  Matt: It's so good seeing you guys.
• 1:22:17
  Matt: Yes, man.
• 1:22:19
  Matt: And it is good to see you.
• 1:22:20
  Matt: You've submitted many a question over the the years, Eric, that we've been doing this show.
• 1:22:25
  Matt: Oh my god, which yes.
• 1:22:27
  Matt: Uh and we uh we really appreciate all your support.
• 1:22:30
  Matt: And uh yeah, thanks for listening.
• 1:22:32
  Matt: Thanks for being here.
• 1:22:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm so grateful to be here.
• 1:22:35
  SPEAKER_03: I think I've uh achieved my goal and now I can unfriend and unfollow everything.
• 1:22:39
  SPEAKER_03: So uh thank you.
• 1:22:42
  Matt: Uh speaking of which, where can uh where can the people find you, Mike?
• 1:22:46
  SPEAKER_03: On Instagram.
• 1:22:47
  SPEAKER_03: I use Instagram a little bit.
• 1:22:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's at MikePare Jr.
• 1:22:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's M-I-K-E-P-E-R-R-I-E-J-R.
• 1:22:54
  SPEAKER_03: And or on my website you can email me or message me through that.
• 1:22:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's www.michaelpare junior.com.
• 1:23:02
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 1:23:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:23:04
  Matt: Uh yeah, and for so that's that's Mike's business.
• 1:23:07
  Matt: Our business is uh as follows.
• 1:23:09
  Matt: You can Yeah, you can find us at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:23:12
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, all the places, same name, or at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out.
• 1:23:21
  Matt: Send us your questions, send us uh your neighborhood dramas, send us just anything you want, really, uh, and we'll be happy to talk about it.
• 1:23:32
  Matt: But for all of us this time on you didn't ask for this, that'll about do it.
• 1:23:37
  Matt: And my name is Mashey.
• 1:23:40
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:23:42
  SPEAKER_02: And my name is Michael Burray Jr.
• 1:23:44
  Eric: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:23:46
  Eric: But fun story, when I was in college doing theater, one of the biggest arguments, the most mad I've ever made a a girlfriend at me was when I was in a student production uh at Towson called A Good Brain Is Hard to Find.
• 1:24:05
  Eric: And this fight occurred when my girlfriend at the time witnessed me on stage as part of the script in the show I was rehearsing Kiss My Co-Star as the script told.
• 1:24:16
  Eric: And I want to be clear, the most tame stage kiss you could ever fucking imagine just a peck on the this fight dragged out for weeks, and that inevitably led to our our breakup when I realized, okay, you can't handle seeing me peck someone on the lips on stage.
• 1:24:33
  Eric: Handle the kiss, probably not gonna work out.
• 1:24:36
  Eric: And the person I kissed on stage is none other than Lacey, Mike's wife.
• 1:24:42
  Eric: My wife, my very own wife, and Matt Shea shot me in that play.
• 1:24:47
  Matt: I sure did.
• 1:24:48
  Matt: I sure did.
• 1:24:49
  Matt: And then you also And your ex-girlfriend loved that part.
• 1:24:52
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 1:24:53
  SPEAKER_03: Loved over the moon.
• 1:24:55
  SPEAKER_03: Shoot him again.
• 1:24:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:24:56
  Matt: The the uh the I do remember the backstage talks of what a playout we're having here.
• 1:25:03
  Matt: I do remember the backstage talks of you telling me the story in in real time, Eric.
• 1:25:07
  Matt: I was like, Yeah, you gotta dump her.
• 1:25:09
  Matt: Like it's not gonna work out.
• 1:25:11
  Matt: You can't be with someone who doesn't work.
• 1:25:12
  Matt: You can't be with an actor if you can't handle them kissing somebody else for the for the work.
• 1:25:19
  Matt: Yeah, but that show is also notable because you were asked to lift me up by the throat and oh yeah, yeah.
• 1:25:27
  Eric: They were like, Yeah, with one hand.
• 1:25:28
  Eric: You can just like one-handed lift, Matt, like do a choke.
• 1:25:31
  Eric: I was like, I am not God.
• 1:25:33
  Eric: I cannot do this.
• 1:25:35
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know anyone who can.
• 1:25:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:25:37
  Matt: All right, we're really getting a narrow casting.
• 1:25:39
  Matt: Roll the music, roll the music, roll the music, get out of here.
• 1:25:42
  SPEAKER_03: Get in out of here.