Latest / Earn Your Leisure / Can Successful Black Women Find an Equal Partner in a Relationship?

Transcript

Can Successful Black Women Find an Equal Partner in a Relationship? · Earn Your Leisure

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from Al Salvador
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy nom the United States
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: never return. But if you register using our CBP home
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: app and leave now, you could be allowed to return legally.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: border and families will be protected.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: My question is this idea of like the Boss Chick
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: and you know, independent black women, and has.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: That has it served us? Is that the question out?
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Or is it is it destroying the black family ecosystem.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: I think you have to say on some level it's
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: destructive to a traditional black uh family ecosystem. I think
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: just the facts bear that out right. So that's not feelings,
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: that's not subjective, that's just the reality is. As you
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: just pointed out, Uh, there is a huge numbers gap
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: between Black women that are buying homes at almost twice
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: the rate of single Black men that are graduating from
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: undergrad and professional schools at sometimes six seven times the
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: rate of our brothers. And by the way, if you
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: ask most Black women, that's not something that we enjoy
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: or appreciate, Like, it's not a situation. And I think
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: that's another misconstruction and a and a miss assumption that
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: black women are out here strategically competing against black men. No, sir,
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: we most of us want to be in relationship with
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: black men, and so it's in our interests, even selfishly,
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: so not necessarily from this altruistic place of oh, we
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: just want to see our brothers succeed. There's that for sure,
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: but there's a self interested element of that right that says,
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: if I'm a black woman and I want to have
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: black children with a black man and live in a
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: house with a black husband, and do and buy properties
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: and travel the world and enjoy my life alongside a
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: black man. I would like him to be similarly positioned
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: to me socioeconomically, so that that partnership feels comfortable and
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: feels safe from a fiscal place and maybe some other
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: places too. So let me just spend a little time
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: on that, because I was talking to a very good
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: girlfriend of mine, who's one of your typical clients, as
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: you describe, for early forties, making, you know, five hundred
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: k plus single to death. And there's a lot of
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: thought that women like her myself even of course, are materialistic.
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: And that's why when we say we are attracted to
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: this type of man, or we prefer to date this
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: kind of man that has similarly Notice not hardly any
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: of us are saying we need a man to make
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: more than us, or we need a man to take
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: care of us, or we need a man to pay
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: our bills. No, no, really, truly, hand to God, we
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: really just really would love to be partner with someone
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: who is similarly positioned.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Well, let me interject one thing, because this this is
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: going to be controversial, but this is this is I
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: think important. So The problem with this is that, all right,
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: so a thirty five year old single woman who's making
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: four hundred thousand dollars a year, right, and that they're
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: looking for that equal counterpart, and that that makes sense, right,
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: But it's like, the difficult part about that is that
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: the equally yoked man who's thirty five that's making five
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: hundred thousand dollars, he's probably already in relationship's probably married.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: The ones the ones that's not married, they're not necessarily
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: looking for somebody that's thirty five the twenty eight year old.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: So now it's like, okay, you're either forced with a
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: decision to just remain single or look down. Now there
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: is the truck drive. Now is the ups man who's
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: a great man, but who's making eighty thousand dollars a year, right,
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Because now it's equal, it's hard to find that equal counterpart. Men.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: You could be fifty years old and it's not The
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: age doesn't really matter.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: And I've said this and this is controversial, right, that
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: because of the way society values gender roles, right, So
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: the way in which we find a woman attractive, what
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: are we really talking about under that? And it doesn't
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: hurt my feelings. Let's just say it people across the
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: spectrum culturally, but we're talking about black people. So let's
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: let's center that Black women are assessed around our beauty,
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: our esthetic, physical beauty, and there's biological reasons for that,
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: and our fertility and our youth. Those are the main
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: things that a man is going to be assessing when
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: deciding if you are for him. And then it's going
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: to be the quote soft skills. It's gonna be do
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: you make him feel loved, you know, cater to loyal,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: Are you relatively non confrontational, not too much pushback or
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: challenges around ideas and decisions, And those are the things
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: that would really make you just highly desirable in the
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: dating market as a woman. Now let's go to men.
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: What makes a man highly desirable in a dating market.
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: It is going to be financials. It's going to be
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: your ability to provide financially and fiscally. It's also going
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: to be your physical is kind of your stature, Like
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: there's a reason why you know this six sixty sixth thing.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: I think that's really corny, but whatever, But there's a
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: reason why a lot of women will swipe right on
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: men that are at least five ten six feet. You know,
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: they want to feel there's some physical dominance coming from
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: a man. Then you've got, you know, just kind of age.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: There's a reason why older men like you just said,
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: bro like fifty plus, that's not a deterrent for most
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: women because that presumes more stability. That presumes you've lived
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: life longer, and you can probably protect and know and
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: help and navigate these spaces better and more effectively than
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: I can in my youth. So you're right. Kind of
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: the way in which we assess and evaluate value as
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: men versus women create and inherent conflict. I will add
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: one little caveat though, to the scenario you laid out
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: where you've got these thirty four.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: This episode is brought to you by P and C Bank.
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: A lot of people think podcasts about work are boring,
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: and sure they definitely can be, but understanding a professionals
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: routine shows us how they achieve their success little by little,
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: day after day. It's like banking with P and C Bank.
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: It might seem boring to safe plan and make calculated
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: decisions with your bank, but keeping your money boring is
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: what helps you live or more happily fulfilled. Life, p
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: and C Bank Brilliantly Boring since eighteen sixty five. Brilliantly
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: Boring since eighteen sixty five is a service mark of
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: the PNC Financial Service Group, Inc. P and C Bank
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: National Association Member fdiic Erners.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: What's Up?
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: You ever walk into a small business and everything just
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: works like The checkout is fast, the receipts are digital,
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: tipping is a breeze, and you're out the door before
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: the line even builds Odds are they're using Square. We
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: love supporting businesses that run on Square because it just
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: feels seamless. Whether it's a local coffee shop, a vendor
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: at a pop up market, or even one.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Of our merch partners.
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: Square makes it easy for them to take payments, manage inventory,
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: and run their business with confidence, all from one simple system.
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: If you're a business owner or even just thinking about
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: launching something soon, Square is hands down one of the
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: best tools out there to help you start, run and grow.
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: It's not just about payments, it's about giving you time
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: back you can focus on what matters most ready. To
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: see how Square can transform your business, visit Square dot com, backslash, go,
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: backslash eyl to learn more that Square dot com backslash, go,
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: backslash eyl, don't wait, don't hesitate. Let's square handle the
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: back end so you can keep pushing your vision forward.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from El Salvador
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy Nohm, the United States
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: were here illegally, your next be fine nearly one thousand
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported, you will never return.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: But if you register using our CBP home app and
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: leave now, you could be allowed to return legally. Do
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws, border
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: and families will be protected.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: Five and up. Women who've got these big incomes and
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: degrees and all this stuff, but we're not necessarily as
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: desirable to the men that are our age and financial equal.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: Which is why personally I enjoy dating older men because
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: at forty, if I'm dating a man who's fifty six,
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: there's more likelihood that he will appreciate some aspect of
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: youth around me. That same fifty six year old get
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: a twenty eight year old. It's possible, But this is
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: I'm living this. I'm not just talking and writing about it, guys.
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: I'm out here living this, and I have been for
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: the last five or so fourish years since ended my engagement.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: I do find that that that can be a sweet
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: spot for some women that are in that like thirty
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: eight to forty five year old range, you know, dating
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: older men can kind of give you back some of
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: that advantage you.
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: When I'm listening to it, I'm trying to figure out
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: there's plenty of women who are in that scenario right
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: now when we're talking about socio economic factors. Is that
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: the compromise, or even I only want to use the
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: word of compromise, is that I think you better think
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: about it.
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: I think you damn sure, because I got girlfriends that
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: and sorority sisters that don't like to date those men.
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: There is exactly what you said. They want their forty
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: they want a date a forty year old they want
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: they don't have kids. They don't want him to have kids. Right.
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: So one of the reasons I'm sure we'll get into this.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: You guys know, I've been very public that I am
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: deep into my single motherhood by choice journey. I'm having
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: my child as we speak, like that process is well underway.
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: And one of the reasons I'm doing that is because
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: I date older men. And you know what older what
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: the situation of older men are. They've had their child,
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: their children are grown, their children might even be in
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: college or beyond. So a fifty six year old man,
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: even a fifty eight year old man, is not inclined
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: to want to change Pampers and warm bottles. Okay, he's
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: still right. So I'm not gonna say because I was
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: doing that, Like before I decided to do this journey,
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: I was like thirty seven, thirty eight, and I was
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: dating these like fifty two fifty three year old guys,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: a lot of them in finance, a lot of them,
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: you know, having businesses, and they were like, love you,
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: definitely would be with you, would even marry you, but baby,
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: oh no, no no. So I kept running into that
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: like there were like three guys in a row if
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: that was the scenario. So it's like, now I got
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: a decision to make. How bad do I want to
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: be a mother? I had to assess that because if
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: that's kind of optional, then what he's proposing is a
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: good scenario. You know, let's go live life and I
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: still boss out and be this great career woman and
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: we travel and go to the Saint Bart's and say
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: tape and live a great life. But if I really
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: want to be mother, and I do, I had to
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: make a different decision, which is, let me go have
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: my child and then we can come. We could have
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: more of a companion relationship with these older guys that
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: have already raised their children and lived their lives. And
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: that's probably the path I'm on. But yes, to the
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: front end of your question, what do we do as
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: relative middle aged Let's say that, let's just own it, right,
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: middle aged black women who are highly educated with these
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: high incomes based on societal averages, we've essentially priced ourselves
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: out of the market. And when I say, I mean
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: in a lot of ways, we priced ourselves out of
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: the market in terms of our incomes many of the time,
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: because think about it, like, let's just talk. You guys
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: are numbers guys for real, Right, When you're talking about
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: making five to seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars a
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: year in some cities, you're talking about being in the
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: one to two percent of income earners of the whole
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: society as period, not just as black women, like period.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: Like when you make seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: a year or more in New York City, you're earning
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: in the top one percent of New York City even
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: compared to white men, compared to black men, compared to anybody.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: So now that's a small pool anyway. And now you're
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: telling me that I want somebody that's earning in the
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: top one percent alongside me, and I want him to,
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: you know, potentially not have children and want to have
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: more children than it's too much. So, yes, we do
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: have to start making strategic whether you want to call
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: it compromises or settling or mister good enough or I
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: don't give a dad what you call it, but we
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: have to start deciding what's important. So for me, being
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: a mother is important for me, maintaining a high income
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: so that I can maintain autonomy and the ability to
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: say no to any shit I don't want to tolerate.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: Is it just I don't give a damn who feel
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: away about it? It's important to me. Money is power,
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: no matter who has it. You better know that. Okay.
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: How many women right now or men are in domestically
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: violent situations because they don't have the capacity financially to
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: leave and go anywhere else. They you know, would love
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: to leave an unfulfilling relationship because I love how people
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: always act like people that you know are in that
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: middle to low income range. They're all good people. They
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: all love their mamas, and they're all perfect partners. Right,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: get the fuck out of here. No unhappy, right, Let's
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: stop that Tyler Perry bullshit. What the reality is a
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: lot of them are unhappy in those relationships, just stuck together.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: We just woke about this.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: Literally, they fiscally. Look at these interest rates, Look at
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: these rental rates New York. Because I was paying six
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: thousand dollars a month rent for a one bedroom apartment.
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: Get the hell out of here, So let me go
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: ahead and get this mortgage situation going. So you know,
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: those are some of the things. So you can't have
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: it all. I don't care who you are, man or woman,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: but you can have a lot of what you want
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: if you're willing to tell the truth about what that
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: is and what that looks like.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from El Salvador
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy Noman, the United States
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: never return. But if you register using our CBP home
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: app and leave now, you could be allowed to return legally.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: border and families will be protected.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security,