Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 126 | What If Your Money Healing Journey is the Best Financial Education for Your Kids?
Transcript
- 0:00Erin Gray: I've had some friends and listeners reach out to ask me to do an episode on how do you teach your kids healthy money habits when you still feel like that you are figuring it out yourself.
- 0:16Erin Gray: What I consider the in the middle, messy, imperfect and really truly incredibly powerful ways that you can start passing on a new money story, even while you are rewriting your own.
- 0:34Erin Gray: And I think this ties so lovely into the generational wealth podcast that I just released, because I truly believe that we are creating a new narrative and relationship with money so that our children and our children's children and generations to come can do that as well.
- 0:55Erin Gray: Welcome back to your Money, your Rules, with me, your host, erin Gray.
- 1:01Erin Gray: I am so grateful that you are here.
- 1:03Erin Gray: This is a place that we talk about all things money, from the logistical, what I call the 3D, the knowledge part, as well as the deeply spiritual parts of money, so that you can create a relationship with money that truly supports you and that you can live a life that you love.
- 1:22Erin Gray: So let's start with, first and foremost, that your healing, you going through and working through your money story is actually the teaching you know it's.
- 1:35Erin Gray: As parents, you know it's not about having it all figured out right before you start to model it.
- 1:41Erin Gray: Kids pick up on your energy, your body language, your willingness to grow, and I think it's really important as parents that we teach this and model this to our children.
- 1:54Erin Gray: I think that our children are always watching, and the more that we can be very upfront and honest where we are obviously age appropriate but where they get to see that we are working through stuff as well.
- 2:11Erin Gray: We aren't perfect and I think it's important to show our kids this.
- 2:14Erin Gray: You know, think about when you were a kid.
- 2:17Erin Gray: Did you pay attention to the words that your parents said, or was it more so?
- 2:23Erin Gray: Their body language and their tone?
- 2:25Erin Gray: You know we read energy as beings right, especially as kids, and then, as we become adults, we have become a little bit more disconnected.
- 2:33Erin Gray: But I believe our kids are always watching us.
- 2:36Erin Gray: So when they see you learning, when they see you navigating your lessons and learning how to be with money and talking about money in a different way, they learn that money is something that you can evolve with right.
- 2:51Erin Gray: It's not something that you have to be perfect at.
- 2:55Erin Gray: I think also, it's highly important you know to be honest and to be upfront, like I mentioned, you know in an age appropriate way.
- 3:04Erin Gray: If you have a five-year-old, okay, obviously the conversations that you're having you may not even be talking about money, right, but your body language is really important.
- 3:12Erin Gray: It's still important when your kids you know 13 or 15, but the conversations that you're having with your children at 13 or 15 are going to be obviously vastly different than if you have a child who's five or eight.
- 3:23Erin Gray: So we don't have to come in and dump our money wounds on them and I highly recommend that you don't but you can say things like I'm learning how to be more mindful with our money.
- 3:35Erin Gray: It's something that wasn't taught to me and so I'm figuring it out so that I can teach it to you as well.
- 3:41Erin Gray: And I think, with anything, if we can make it fun, if we can make it more enjoyable, then our kids are going to naturally I mean, our kids are naturally curious, right?
- 3:52Erin Gray: All of kids are naturally curious.
- 3:54Erin Gray: So if we can make it more fun and more enjoyable, then we're going to be able to to have a conversation and a relationship with money and with them in a much more easy and free flowing way.
- 4:07Erin Gray: I think that this normalizes learning about money as a process, not as a one-time talk or you know it's, you were here and now you're there, right, they get to see you move and evolve through this process and I think that it's so important that our children see us evolving.
- 4:28Erin Gray: You know not this perfect parent on a pedestal that a lot of times our kids put us on that where we have it all figured out, it gives them, I think, the permission to do this as well in their own life.
- 4:42Erin Gray: When we model for them that you know what, I'm learning this as I move through this, just as they're learning how to interact with their peers and they're having to, you know, apologize for, maybe behavior, or they're learning how to have conversations and repair it's the same thing that we get to model for them so that they see, you know what, nobody's perfect.
- 5:05Erin Gray: We're all learning and we're growing.
- 5:06Erin Gray: I have intentionally started saying in front of my kid that I did this and I learned this from it.
- 5:13Erin Gray: I try to avoid using language like a mistake, because I don't think that there are mistakes.
- 5:19Erin Gray: I don't like to use the word I messed up but I do like to say, oh, I did this and this is what I've learned from it, and or you could use language like I chose this and this is what I learned from that.
- 5:33Erin Gray: I want her, I want my daughter, to see that learning is taking action and then learning from the decisions that you've made right.
- 5:43Erin Gray: It's not from sitting on the sideline thinking about it in our head and never taking action.
- 5:49Erin Gray: Our learning is in the doing and then in the contemplation afterwards.
- 5:53Erin Gray: The third thing that I would suggest is focus on what you are actively changing.
- 5:59Erin Gray: So maybe you're working on spending with more ease or charging more in your business or allocating more money for yourself for fun.
- 6:11Erin Gray: So let them see these changes.
- 6:15Erin Gray: You know, for example, saying something like you know I'm now spending money just on me.
- 6:22Erin Gray: Like I'm learning how to spend money just on me for fun.
- 6:25Erin Gray: You know, mom is really good at spending on you guys because I love you guys so much, but mom is now learning how to do that for herself, because I love you guys so much, but mom is now learning how to do that for herself.
- 6:36Erin Gray: So enjoy, you know, like I'm enjoying taking time for myself where I get to do something special just for me because I think it's so important.
- 6:42Erin Gray: I think whether you have boys or girls or both.
- 6:45Erin Gray: But I think, as girls, as women, are receiving muscle is not that built yet, it's not a very strong muscle yet, and I think it's really important that we teach our girls as obviously equally as important as our boys.
- 7:00Erin Gray: But you know, for our girls, for us to teach them to how to receive, how to, how to receive pleasure, how to have fun, how to have something just for us.
- 7:09Erin Gray: So think about how you have learned to treat yourself from your mom and your grandma.
- 7:17Erin Gray: You know, for myself, for my clients, what I am noticing is that our moms and I'm air quoting sacrificed a lot for us, right?
- 7:28Erin Gray: They put themselves probably at the end of the line, as did our grandmothers, as did their grandmothers, right?
- 7:36Erin Gray: It's a pattern, it's a generational thing, and just like how we have a fork in the road where we get to decide how we want to be with money, I think there's also a fork in the road for us as well, where we get to decide okay, am I going to start putting myself first, so that my daughters, my sons, my children, they get to see how important it is to treat yourself as numero uno, first and foremost.
- 8:02Erin Gray: It's like, literally, it's the airline saying right, put your mask on first.
- 8:06Erin Gray: You cannot save or help anybody else unless you're doing that first.
- 8:09Erin Gray: I think it's important for our children to see that.
- 8:11Erin Gray: I think that they really get to see hey, it's important to treat myself with the utmost care, utmost love, utmost support, utmost nourishment, before I start taking care of everybody else.
- 8:23Erin Gray: You know you're showing them how to receive with pleasure and with ease and with joy.
- 8:28Erin Gray: You know that, I think, is so many of us are working through.
- 8:33Erin Gray: And I always think that before you have any conversation, check in with your nervous system, make sure that it's regulated.
- 8:40Erin Gray: You know, if you have just finished doing paying bills and maybe you feel stressed, that might not be the best time to then go have a conversation.
- 8:48Erin Gray: Go get yourself grounded, go do some tapping, go do some breath work Like, how do you want to regulate your nervous system?
- 8:55Erin Gray: Go on a walk.
- 8:55Erin Gray: What is it that you want to do to make sure that your nervous system is calm before you have a conversation?
- 9:02Erin Gray: And I think that the biggest gift it isn't all of this technical stuff we're so focused on.
- 9:10Erin Gray: What is the strategy?
- 9:11Erin Gray: But I truly believe it's that spiritual part, it's the 5D, it's modeling that calm, easeful, open conversations not being activated.
- 9:22Erin Gray: That's where I think that the gift is that we get to give our children.
- 9:26Erin Gray: So if you start to model that, money is natural, it's easy, it's flowing, it's based off of a value exchange, not time for dollars.
- 9:37Erin Gray: That money isn't scary or taboo.
- 9:40Erin Gray: They're going to start doing that too.
- 9:43Erin Gray: They're going to model that as well.
- 9:44Erin Gray: And the thing is probably they might already naturally do this, but we have maybe somewhat conditioned them out of that.
- 9:54Erin Gray: And if we have, this isn't a place to beat yourself up, it's totally fine.
- 9:58Erin Gray: Recognize it.
- 10:00Erin Gray: And then I tell my daughter all the time you know what?
- 10:04Erin Gray: Mom used to think this way, but I have, you know, expanded my consciousness.
- 10:10Erin Gray: I've learned different things.
- 10:12Erin Gray: I think about this differently now and I've changed my mind and it's okay for you to do the same as well.
- 10:17Erin Gray: So, before you have conversations, think about what exercises do you want to implement so that when you enter this conversation, you're regulated, you're calm, your nervous system is neutral, because they will feel that safety or that lack of safety.
- 10:37Erin Gray: And also, I want to point out that, teaching them where money comes from.
- 10:42Erin Gray: I think a lot of us have been taught that money comes from our job or it comes from our clients, if we have a business, or it comes from our parents before you know, we are 18, but I believe that money comes from God, whether you want to call it spirit or source or the universe.
- 11:01Erin Gray: However you want to think about it.
- 11:03Erin Gray: What feels true and connected for you, it's really understanding that God is our source and is our supply.
- 11:11Erin Gray: Maybe you've taught them that it comes from you and you feel like you're responsible for giving it to them, but we are and we aren't right.
- 11:19Erin Gray: It comes from you and you feel like you're responsible for giving it to them, but we are and we aren't right.
- 11:21Erin Gray: Like as parents, we are responsible for taking care of our children and we aren't responsible for every single thing that they want.
- 11:28Erin Gray: So you know this is obviously age appropriate conversation, but you know my kid, who is 13 now there are things that she wants that her dad, my husband and I that we don't buy her because I don't see the value in it.
- 11:46Erin Gray: It doesn't mean that it's not valuable, it's just not something that we choose to spend and invest our money on.
- 11:52Erin Gray: So I never tell her that she can't have something, because I think that that feels very disempowering and I feel like that.
- 12:00Erin Gray: We are trying to teach our children that you know the law of attraction and the law of manifestation and you know that we can have anything that we want If that desire is in our heart.
- 12:12Erin Gray: A true desire is in our heart, it is already there in the 5d.
- 12:16Erin Gray: We just need to manifest it and bring it down to the 3D.
- 12:19Erin Gray: So I don't ever tell her that she can't have it, I just tell her how does she want to create value, to receive the money to purchase it?
- 12:30Erin Gray: And this, what I think it does, is it has us teaching our kids how money is actually created.
- 12:37Erin Gray: It's not through time, it's through value exchange.
- 12:46Erin Gray: So she begins and does feel empowered because she thinks about purchasing items differently, and I think it's a beautiful gift that we get to give our kids.
- 12:50Erin Gray: You know, for a long time I would probably use the word burdened.
- 12:52Erin Gray: I burdened myself thinking that I had to provide everything for her.
- 12:55Erin Gray: But as she's gotten older, I've recognized, I've realized, as I've grown, my wealth consciousness, as I've thought about things differently.
- 13:01Erin Gray: I don't have to buy her everything and I don't actually think that we do want to be buying our kids everything.
- 13:08Erin Gray: I think there is a beauty in what's called the law of gestation.
- 13:12Erin Gray: I'm going to have a podcast out on that here in a couple of more episodes, more episodes.
- 13:17Erin Gray: But you know, there is beauty in waiting, there is beauty in anticipation, and when our children get everything that they want, in that moment they don't build up that muscle for the anticipation and the gratitude for what they have and for what's coming to us.
- 13:30Erin Gray: So I think that you know if it's not something that is truly of value to you and how you want to invest and spend your money, then I think it's important that you get to talk to your children and you get to say how do you want to receive the money?
- 13:46Erin Gray: What kind of value do you want to provide to the world in order to receive that?
- 13:49Erin Gray: And let them use their creative minds to go to work.
- 13:53Erin Gray: Our kids have beautiful imaginations and they will.
- 13:58Erin Gray: They'll come up with all kinds of ideas and I think the final thing is just remember that little things over time.
- 14:06Erin Gray: You know I always talk about zero to 1%.
- 14:07Erin Gray: They compound.
- 14:08Erin Gray: You know you're teaching them through dozens of tiny moments.
- 14:13Erin Gray: A lot of my clients talk about perfectionism.
- 14:15Erin Gray: I probably am a former recovery perfectionist and we think that everything has to be perfect before we start and it doesn't.
- 14:24Erin Gray: Our children, uh, and as well as we do right, we learn in these micro moments.
- 14:31Erin Gray: It's focusing on those little, tiny micro moments, the 1% that we are doing over and over again to get us to where we're going.
- 14:40Erin Gray: So think about when you're at the grocery store, you know, when you swipe your credit card, are you thinking, you know, like one of the books that I've read talks about in God, which you know?
- 14:51Erin Gray: Like the money that's printed if you're in the U S, you know it's printed in God.
- 14:54Erin Gray: We trust, like that is because we are saying our God source spirit is our supply in God.
- 15:02Erin Gray: We trust, you know.
- 15:03Erin Gray: Are you thinking thanking God for the money that you have to spend on groceries when you're paying for activities?
- 15:10Erin Gray: Are you saying, you know, hey, we're choosing to spend it on this because we value.
- 15:15Erin Gray: You know my daughter wants to take piano lessons.
- 15:17Erin Gray: This because we value.
- 15:18Erin Gray: You know my daughter wants to take piano lessons.
- 15:21Erin Gray: We talked to her about like we are loving to spend this money on you because we love you, expanding your creativeness and your gifts that you have, and so just talking to them and they're getting to see how to allocate money based on values, not based on price, and these things.
- 15:44Erin Gray: They build emotional literacy around money far more than any like lesson that you're going to sit down and try to teach them or anything that they are going to get in school if they even get it in school Right.
- 15:54Erin Gray: So if you think about money from a relationship point of view and how you are caring for it, you get to teach that to your children and I want to offer you that.
- 16:06Erin Gray: If you want support around changing your money story so that you can show up fully for yourself and the biggest, brightest, most vibrant version of who you are, so that you can then ultimately show up for your kids, I would love to support you.
- 16:22Erin Gray: You can schedule a conversation by clicking the link in the show notes to schedule a call.
- 16:28Erin Gray: So, to recap, I want to say that you know what you don't have to be and I'm air quoting fully healed.
- 16:37Erin Gray: You know we talk a lot about that in the self-development world.
- 16:39Erin Gray: You don't have to be all the way finished, learned all the things, and I really don't think that that ever occurs, right, it's like every new level we just get to experience it at a different place.
- 16:50Erin Gray: So your growth is in the learning and the teaching and be open and stay regulated and focus on small, consistent conversations and notice how you feel in your body before you have conversations with your kids.
- 17:03Erin Gray: And I want to say that this is how we break cycles, right.
- 17:07Erin Gray: We do it in that messy middle what some call the river I don't like this term, river of misery or, you know, in that uncomfortable part I even like to change the language on that right Like we're just doing something different that we haven't done before.
- 17:21Erin Gray: It just feels a little bit unnatural right now, but it will feel more natural the more that you do it.
- 17:28Erin Gray: But it's real, it's raw, it's human.
- 17:30Erin Gray: Our children get to see that and it doesn't have to be perfect.
- 17:34Erin Gray: So I'm rooting for you.
- 17:36Erin Gray: I believe in you.
- 17:39Erin Gray: I think, as all the humans on the planet, but you know, as women, we really have an option and a choice to really change the trajectory of where we are going with our money and what we are teaching our children.
- 17:53Erin Gray: So thank you for being here and I will see you in the next episode.