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If You Need Advice on Love... · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If you need advice on love, I'll tell you who
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: to go to. Two thousand year old dead guys.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's one more thing, one more thing.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I remember you mentioned this headline the other day and
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I went digging into the story and there's an even
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: longer version of this. But I mean, it's like a
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: scholarly paper. But I found this so.
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  Speaker 3: Compelling and amusing.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: One one difference between conservatives and progressives, generally speaking, is
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: that there's an if you if you want to read
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: like smart people talking about this read Thomas Soule's The
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Conflict of Visions. But people on the progressive end of
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  Speaker 1: things often think human beings can be changed fundamentally, we
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  Speaker 1: can reshape humanity according to our desires, whereas conservatives think,
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  Speaker 1: no people have been people. Human nature has not changed
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  Speaker 1: in thousands of years, just what surrounds us has. And
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I fervently agree with the you know, latter point of view.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you're not surprised to hear that. But this,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: this story about ancient dating tips, is so perfect, partly
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: because it illustrates the point I was going to make.
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  Speaker 3: There was dating two thousand years ago.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, as this makes clear. I mean, I'm sure,
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  Speaker 1: the rituals and traditions were different. But so you got
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  Speaker 1: the Roman poet Ovid who lived H B C. That's oh,
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  Speaker 1: that's so you don't have to reference Jesus A, D
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  Speaker 1: and B C.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Right before common era. Yeah that people didn't like.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's go ahead.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: People didn't like Christ in their BC.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So right. He actually spanned the life of Jesus interestingly
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  Speaker 1: enough during his life, But the Roman Roman poet Ovid
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  Speaker 1: wrote a poem called The Art of Love in Latin
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  Speaker 1: rs Amatoria. In it, he offered advice for singles. First,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: he says, you should make an effort to find someone
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  Speaker 1: you're interested in. Interested in quote, your lover will not
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  Speaker 1: come floating down to you through the tenuous air. She
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  Speaker 1: must be sought.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, that's a good one. You're not gonna run into
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: mister Wright or missus Wright sitting here in the living
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  Speaker 3: room watching television.
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  Speaker 1: Right, Get out there, meet people, do stuff. Ancient advice
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  Speaker 1: hasn't changed in Iota. This has suitable places to find
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  Speaker 1: a lover. Ovid recommends walking in Porticos. Oh, the number
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: of hobbies I've met in Porticos.
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  Speaker 3: I thought he was gonna say, go watch some Christians
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  Speaker 3: get eaten by lions. Lots of hot chicks there, mott
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  Speaker 3: and gold running chicks.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Wow, look the lion is pull the guy's leg off.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: What do you think of that? You're pretty good looking? Uh?
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  Speaker 1: Walk in portcos or gardens, attend the theater, or surprisingly enough,
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  Speaker 1: linger near law courts for some reason, I don't catch
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  Speaker 1: a DVA or say I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: Uh.
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  Speaker 1: And he says you need to catch someone's eye and
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  Speaker 1: then invent an excuse to talk with them.
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  Speaker 3: Oh wow, Wow, I'm telling you I've always been really
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  Speaker 3: good at that, inventing a reason to talk to someone.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm terrible at it.
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  Speaker 2: Uh.
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  Speaker 1: Seek your lover in the daytime, advises Ovid. Be careful
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: of the night. You won't choose the right person if
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: you're drunk.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, geez.
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  Speaker 3: And you can't.
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  Speaker 1: See their face properly if it's too dark, they might
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  Speaker 1: not be as good looking as.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: You.
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  Speaker 1: Combine a little labooze with a little dark, and you
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  Speaker 1: know you'd wake up next to god knows what goggles. Yeah, exactly. Wow,
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  Speaker 1: there's more. Ovid says you need to look presentable. Make
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  Speaker 1: sure your clothes are clean, you have a good haircut,
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  Speaker 1: can yourself your tunic.
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  Speaker 2: A nice, well stop tunic draws the female eye like
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  Speaker 2: nothing else.
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  Speaker 1: Moreover it, keep yourself groomed properly at all times, he says,
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  Speaker 1: and this is a quote, it's translated obviously, but do
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  Speaker 1: not let your nails project talk about them, be free
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  Speaker 1: of dirt, talking about your toenails because you were in
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  Speaker 1: sandals and your fingernails or let nor evidently he was
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  Speaker 1: a real stickler. Nor let any hair be in the
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  Speaker 1: hollow of your nostrils.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, I appreciate these tips.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's modern. I think that's a must eyes. I'm
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  Speaker 3: surprised that back in the day, pre some of the
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  Speaker 3: mechanical devices we have now, that they had the ability
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: to deal with nose hair. Stick it up there and
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: this one.
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  Speaker 1: Let not the breath of your mouth be sour and unpleasing, amen.
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  Speaker 3: I wonder what they used to freshen their breath. I
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  Speaker 3: wonder how they trimmed their nose hair. Did they yank
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: them out ow?
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  Speaker 1: The only insight I have on that first question is
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: a scene from the movie Aladdin, which I think we're
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: not supposed to like anymore because it included Arab stereotypes.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: But at one point a vendor says to Aladdin, some
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: sweet dates for sweet breath.
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  Speaker 3: Oh you know, or maybe a chew on a mint leaf.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know, let's see. He suggests, if you're having
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  Speaker 1: no luck, you can use a match maker.
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  Speaker 2: Really.
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  Speaker 1: The Athenian writer Xenophon, who is like way before the
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  Speaker 1: birth of Jesus, says people were sometimes victims of deception
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  Speaker 1: in the matchmaking process. The matchmaker was just more into
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  Speaker 1: earning their commission than a good match.
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  Speaker 3: Folks.
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  Speaker 2: Human nature does not change.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah sematch dot com.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. So the ancients recognize being not being in
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: love can be a problem. They thought it was bad
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  Speaker 1: for your mental and physical health, but also for society
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  Speaker 1: more broadly. For instance, the Roman writer Claudius Alien two
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  Speaker 1: or three centuries ce. Oh, that's like post Jesus, in
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  Speaker 1: his major publication that historians know about say soldiers who
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  Speaker 1: are in love will fight better than soldiers who are
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  Speaker 1: not in love. Absolutely quote, in the heat of battle,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: when war brings men into combat, a man who is
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  Speaker 1: not in love could not match one who is. The
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  Speaker 1: man untouched by love avoids and runs away from the
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  Speaker 1: man who loves as if he were an outsider, uninitiated
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  Speaker 1: into the God's rights and his bravery depends on his
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  Speaker 1: character and physical strength.
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  Speaker 3: No doubt. But that's interesting that they recognized that. At
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  Speaker 3: the time, you got something to fight for.
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  Speaker 1: Something to protect, and the Spartans believe that so fervently.
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  Speaker 1: They had a punishment for men who did not have
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  Speaker 1: a mate. Any man of good appearance and character who
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  Speaker 1: did not fall in love with someone well bred was
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  Speaker 1: also fined because despite his excellence, he did not love anyone.
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  Speaker 1: Lover's affection for their beloved has a remarkable power of
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  Speaker 1: stimulating the virtues.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: I was about to say, me in high school, I
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  Speaker 3: get punished, but it said of good appearance or character.
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  Speaker 3: They'd say, yeah, you don't have anybody, but we understand,
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  Speaker 3: so we get it. I'm just going to put you
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  Speaker 3: on parole. Yeah, everybody else gets it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: During the radio show, we were talking about a couple
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: of prominent mainstream Democrats had branded gen Z is the
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: useful idiot generation and the youthful radicalism that a lot
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  Speaker 1: of people have is not changing among them because they
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: don't have a mate, they don't have a family, they
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  Speaker 1: live their lives online, that sort of thing, And it
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  Speaker 1: hadn't even occurred to me wha what Claudius, Alien and
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  Speaker 1: the Spartans were talking about, even though I've served it
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  Speaker 1: many times in my own life, and I will speak
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  Speaker 1: mostly for men. For a man, a good man, the
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  Speaker 1: desire to not disappoint his woman is the most powerful
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  Speaker 1: motivator that's ever existed on earth. In my opinion, speaking
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  Speaker 1: for myself and a lot of guys, I know, because
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  Speaker 1: we would have been willing to be dipshits till the
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  Speaker 1: day we died, it is done.
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  Speaker 3: Some we least well a mattress on the floor in
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  Speaker 3: the living room till the day I die, right, at
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  Speaker 3: least get cold in that direction.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, not to mention, you know. You just you
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  Speaker 1: want to be admired by the person you love. And
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  Speaker 1: we've lost a lot of that as a society, which
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  Speaker 1: is interesting. When people are in love, they can inspire
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  Speaker 1: each other and bring out the best in one another,
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  Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera.
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  Speaker 3: Claudius over there, who smells like a goat, breath like
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  Speaker 3: a dragon, and his dirty toenails sticking out over his sandals,
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  Speaker 3: No wonder, you're alone. Claudius can't can't fight worth a
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  Speaker 3: damn either.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Let's see. Then they talk about your nosehairs.
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  Speaker 3: Good Lord, God, braid that stuff. It's like you inhaled
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: a bear. Shit.
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  Speaker 1: Then they talk about the conflicts of love. For example,
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  Speaker 1: the Roman orator and politician Marcus Tullius Cicero, the Great. Cicero,
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  Speaker 1: one of the great thinkers of all time, tells how
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  Speaker 1: Gaius Memius, Roman tribune of the year eleven, apparently took
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  Speaker 1: out a took a bite out of his love rival's
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  Speaker 1: arm quote when he had a quarrel with him at
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  Speaker 1: Racina over a girlfriend. You know, all the fascinating stuff
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  Speaker 1: we wish we knew about the ancient world that's been lost.
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  Speaker 1: But this guy's Hey, do you hear about Gius?
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  Speaker 2: He took a bite.
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  Speaker 1: Out of some dude's arm over a girl. That has
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  Speaker 1: been preserved. Well, let's see some ways to keep one's
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  Speaker 1: lover interested that are mentioned in ancient sources. Back to
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: our main theme, is includes showing off one's wealth. Wait
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  Speaker 1: a minute, In the ancient world, being wealthy and successful
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  Speaker 1: would help you land a girl.
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  Speaker 3: Hmmm, yeah, so you got the coolest chariot in town.
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  Speaker 3: Huh right, See these are round wheels. It's a new thing.
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  Speaker 3: Only the rich guys haven't.
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  Speaker 1: In one of the plays of the poet Alexis, a
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  Speaker 1: young man who is in love puts on a large
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  Speaker 1: banquet to impress his girlfriend with a display of wealth.
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  Speaker 1: Engagements were at that time sometimes canceled if it turned
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  Speaker 1: out the husband was too poor and had misrepresented his wealth.
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  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he pretended he had his one hundred dollars
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  Speaker 3: whatever coin they used on top, and then underneath it. It
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  Speaker 3: was all once.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: This was one of my favorites. And of course things
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: did not always work out, and people had grievances against
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: their exes. One particularly famous invective was from the poet Marshall,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: again around the time of Jesus, to a woman called Mania.
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  Speaker 1: I think I'm pronouncing that right. This is the quote
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  Speaker 1: from his poem Mania. Your little dog licks your face
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  Speaker 1: and lips small. Wonder that a dog likes eating dung?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Wow?
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  Speaker 1: Geez, that's oohow dude, dude, hang out of your dignity. Look,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: she's just not bad into you. You don't have to
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: call her old dungface.
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  Speaker 2: Man.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I wonder your little dog licks your face because you're
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: made of poop? Whatkay, Marshall, that's not good? And then
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: why don't we make this the last note, this is
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: so good and again I rested my case a while ago.
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  Speaker 1: But ifing double rested now that human nature does not change.
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  Speaker 1: Fourth Century before Christ a play by era forus. It's
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: it's oh, that's the century.
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  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
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  Speaker 1: It's by Menander, the Pope Menander.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: The title is the pipe Girl.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: One character says, if you haven't got any since, you
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  Speaker 1: won't get married.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I married my I'm married myself, which is why I'm
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: telling you not to. So it's just a Rodney.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Danger Field don't get married. I am trust me.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: That time reminds me of a good Rodney Dangerfield joke.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: But it's it's dirt too dirty. Tell it the podcast.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: It's coarse well cat.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: In, gentlemen, God, ladies, and gentlemen. If you don't hear
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: the joke, Jack is referred to in the podcast, it's
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: because we've decided it's too horrified.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, because his nightclub act was dirtier than like what
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: he did on TV and stuff. Obviously, Oh yeah, yeah,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: my wife and I we got a lot of common. Huh,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: we got a lot of common. I don't like giving
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: low jobs either. Yeah, he didn't do that on Carson.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: I suggest cutting that from the past, a green lighted well,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I guess that's it.