Latest / Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast / Building Trust and Friendships

Transcript

Building Trust and Friendships · Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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If your teenager or young adult is drifting or
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has actually walked away from the Lord and you
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need help, you don't know what to do or how to
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do it. Stay with me. Today, help is on the way.
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Welcome to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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And today a unique teaching series continues
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from Chip's friend, guest teacher Aaron Pierce,
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who leads a global ministry reaching secular
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young people with the gospel. Our study is called
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Caring Enough to Connect, Building Bridges to
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Those We Love. And today Aaron shows us how to
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actually build trust and real friendship with
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the people in our lives who feel far from God.
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As we'll see, oftentimes the way to reach those
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who seem lost isn't with a better argument. It's
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with better friendship. Now here's Aaron Pierce
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with today's insightful message titled Building
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Trust and Friendships. So today it's all about
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how to build relationships and friendships with
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secular, non -religious people. I want to start
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with a story. So this is a girl called Lucy.
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She was a singer and actress in that world. And
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as you can imagine, it's a pretty... crazy world
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in terms of lifestyle and morality. She actually
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lived what was called a polyamore lifestyle.
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So what that meant is that she had multiple sexual
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relationships with different people at the same
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time, all open, different genders. It didn't
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matter. And the justification for it was that
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she had so much love to give. That was kind of
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like the argument for that lifestyle. And the
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reality of it is that she was actually really
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feeling empty and lonely. She had lost her mom
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to cancer. She was struggling. She was frustrated.
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And she wasn't able to really connect with people.
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And she was living in this pretty tough environment
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when she met a girl called Maria who befriended
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her. and began to connect with her and to talk
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to her about the struggles that she was dealing
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with and then shared that she was a follower
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of Jesus and began to pray with her and to really
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empathize with what she was going through. And
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eventually, this girl Maria invited her to come
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to a Bible study. at her home where she heard
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the gospel and she got invited into a community.
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She didn't begin to follow Jesus right away,
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but she got embraced in this community and she
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began to develop friendships. She began to really
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connect with these people. And eventually she
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made a decision to follow Jesus. And through
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that whole community, she even was eventually
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baptized. And that's Maria that was at her baptism
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in a river. Really cool story. And here's the
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thing. This girl, Lucy, perfectly illustrates
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what so many people are going through today.
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So a Harvard study last year showed that 61 %
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of young adults feel serious loneliness. 61 %
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feel serious loneliness. This was last year.
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And there's a bunch of reasons why loneliness
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has become an epidemic, which is so common. So
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there's a number of reasons. First is just basically
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the concept of cheap sex. We have rejected the
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biblical sexual ethic, right, where sex is supposed
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to be between a man and woman in the context
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of marriage. That has been rejected. And basically,
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sex is nothing more than a physical act that
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is about personal pleasure. You know, so long
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as you're not harming others and it's governed
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by the sense of mutual consent, you can do whatever
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you want. Right. And so that's the sexual ethic
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of the day. And it's also led to kind of cultural
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changes. where we're delaying marriage, we're
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delaying kids. And what's so ironic about that
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is we actually desire intimacy. We desire connection,
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but we're pushing away the design where we're
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supposed to find that most meaningfully in our
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human existence is in the context of a family.
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And so that's being delayed and pushed away.
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And then, of course, you've got just pornography
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and hookup culture, which is a pervasive culture
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of our day. You got crazy things like dating
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apps where people are connecting with strangers
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and with very little personal connection, but
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they're connecting sexually. And it's leading
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to all sorts of brokenness and loneliness because
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of this concept of cheap sex. The other is technological
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changes that we've experienced with social media,
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video games, and now the emergence of the metaverse,
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which is a whole big thing as well. And so basically
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what you've got is... this sense of filtered
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reality, right? Which is that on social media,
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but also on these other things, we're presenting
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a view of ourselves and we're seeing a view of
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others that is filtered. It's not real. It's
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projecting a view of ourselves that looks good,
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but it's not who I am authentically. It's not
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real. So in that sense, all my connections are
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superficial and they're not authentic. And so
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you have a lot of this filtered reality. And
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then you have a sense of escapism. And the idea
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here is that rather than face the issues or the
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dark thoughts that I'm facing, I can escape into
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the world of video games or metaverse, or I can
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just keep scrolling. It's like the Finding Nemo
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movie where it's like, just keep swimming. It
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just keeps scrolling so I don't have to think
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about... These big, deep, scary thoughts, I escape
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into the world of video games. And which is how
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so many people are responding to the challenges
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and the difficulties they face. Where the way
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that God has designed it is that when we face
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challenges, we have a community, right? That
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we connect into. And instead, we move to an escapism.
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And then we have this sense of living someone
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else's story. which is a big thing that we experience.
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One of the things that people love to do is follow
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a particular social media influencer, right?
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And so it'll be someone on YouTube. There's a
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kind of the modern day Seinfeld is a girl called
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Emma Chamberlain. And she basically has a YouTube
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channel about nothing. But she's this charismatic
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girl that posts these videos of her just doing
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daily life. And people love it because they connect
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and they live through her story. And so she has
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millions and millions of followers on YouTube
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and other platforms. And she's not doing anything
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particularly interesting, but people really connect
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and because they get to live someone else's story.
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And that is true also for the world of video
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games where you live a kind of a fantasy world
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of, you know, living some character out or in
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the metaverse where people are finding their,
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you know, like their kind of identity and an
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avatar in some, you know, metaverse reality.
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And so you've got all of these things technologically
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and then our sexual ethics that is creating this
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deep sense of loneliness. And of course, God
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has created us to be in community. So when we're
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missing that sense of community, we feel this
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deep longing for something. And so many people
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are experiencing it. So many people sense that
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there's something missing. And so the truth that
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we need to understand is that secular people
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are looking for deep relational connection and
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belonging. That is a deep desire that people
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have. You can bank on that truth when you're
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connecting with people. They desire for deep
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relational connection and belonging. The challenge
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is that we have this false idea. And the false
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idea is this, and this is a cultural lie that
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we have today, which is to love or be in relationship
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with someone, I have to affirm their lifestyle.
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or their worldview. That is a lie that our culture
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has put on us. And it plays out in a lot of places,
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plays out especially in the workplace and in
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schools. So for example, at my school, our kids
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go to public school, and I was invited to be
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part of a inclusion and acceptance conversation
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with the parents that the district had mandated.
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And you can imagine what the topics were about.
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And it was a very interesting experience. And
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the first meeting that we had together, a group
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of parents were talking about various things
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that were going on. And there were some pretty
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interesting dynamics in terms of one of the students
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who was a boy dressing as a girl and some other
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LGBTQ things that were going on. And one of the
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moms said in that conversation, you know what,
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I think it's important to understand that tolerance
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is not enough. We must affirm. And it's so perfectly
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speaks to this thing that we're dealing with
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in our culture, which is to love or be in relation
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with someone like tolerance is not enough. I
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have to affirm their lifestyle and worldview.
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And here's the thing that's really important
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to understand is that Jesus demonstrated. that
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association and relationship with sinners, and
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I put that in quotes only because we're all sinners,
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right? But association and relationship with
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sinners was not synonymous with affirming their
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lifestyle. Jesus demonstrated this in a really
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powerful way over and over and over again. So
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let's talk about this because one of the challenges
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of our day is tribalism. right? It's this us
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versus them mentality. It's this toxic trait
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of modern culture, basically because of social
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media algorithms, cable news, internet conspiracies.
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It's this. intense sense of us versus them, the
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other side. We kind of strawman argument the
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other side and what they're about and how they're
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out to get us, right? And so you have this toxic
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tribalism of the day. But the thing is, tribalism
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existed during Jesus's day as well in multiple
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ways. And one of the good examples of that was
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actually the Jews and the Samaritans. So the
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Samaritans were these kind of racially mixed
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people of Gentiles and Jew background. And the
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Jews and Samaritans hated each other. Like Jews
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would actually, there would be a direct path
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to go somewhere through the Samaritan area, but
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they would go around it just so they wouldn't
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be associated with these unclean people, right?
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And so it was in that context in John 4 that
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Jesus goes to Samaria and he meets the woman
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at the well. which is an incredible example of
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Jesus defying the tribalism of his day, where
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he defied it in a radical countercultural way
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because he ended up engaging. He actually initiates
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contact with this woman. Just the fact that she's
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a woman that's already breaking some boundaries.
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But then the fact is that this is a woman who's
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been married five times and now is currently
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living with a man that is not her husband. And
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that day, like the fact that he would engage
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this woman was just beyond comprehension. And
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it speaks to how Jesus loved people so much that
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he wasn't going to be, you know, he was going
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to cross those cultural boundaries. So, but that
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didn't mean that he affirmed their lifestyle.
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right? That didn't mean that he accepted the
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way that someone lived and said, no, just do
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whatever you want. He challenged people to sin
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no more, even as he approached them with great
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mercy and grace. And so that's the thing we have
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to understand. But what that means as well is
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that Jesus was, he offended the religious people
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of his day. And he offended him because he spent
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so much time with sinners. Because that's what
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happens when you spend time with sinners, you
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get accused of being one yourself. And so what
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happens is we were afraid to associate with those
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people. Lest I get, you know, lumped in with
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them and like I'm agreeing with them. And so
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that is one of the challenges that we have. But
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again, Jesus did this all the time. Luke 15,
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1 and 2 said the tax collectors and sinners were
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all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees
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and the teachers of the law muttered, this man
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welcomes sinners and eats with them. And eating
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with people in that culture was a very intimate
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thing to do, you know. And so Jesus was willing
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to be very intimate. with these people, even
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if it offended the religious establishment. And
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so that's part of what we have to deal with today.
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So part of it is understanding the power of friendship
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with people that are not like us, with people
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that wouldn't walk into a church. So the first
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idea is that friendship humanizes them, right?
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It's so easy to talk about those people. And
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the way, you know, what they do. But when you
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sit across from someone, it's a lot harder to
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hate them, right? When you're sitting and having
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coffee with them, it's a lot harder to hate them.
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And then friendship actually allows you to demonstrate
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the gospel with your life. So a lot of secular
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people have a lot of false assumptions about
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who Jesus is and what Jesus followers are like.
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And they, like us, they make these kind of misconceptions.
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And when you get to be with secular people and
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live a life, you can actually reflect the gospel
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in a way. through your actions that can break
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down some of those walls. You know, Philippians
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2, 3, and 4 is such a powerful verse because
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if we can live this verse out in front of secular
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people, it's the kind of verse that does not
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make sense to secular culture. It's the idea
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of do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain
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conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above
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yourself, not looking to your own interest, but
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each of you to the interest of others. If you
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live that kind of life, in front of secular people,
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it blows them away, right? Because that is something
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where you're laying down my needs, my desires
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for someone else's sake. The religion of this
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culture is secular humanism, which is the religion
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of self. And it's all about me and pursuing my
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happiness. And when you see people lay aside
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their happiness for the sake of others, it's
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radical countercultural that really opens up
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the opportunity to connect with people. The other
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thing that friendship does, it helps you to understand.
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So often we don't actually understand people
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or understand how they came to be where they
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are or understand why they believe what they
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believe. And so because of that, we're not able
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to communicate the gospel effectively. So when
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you build friendships, you can actually get to
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know them, and then you're able to communicate
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the gospel in a way that connects with them.
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And then beyond that, it allows you to earn the
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trust to actually challenge their views and speak
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truth. We live in a very sensitive time in which
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if you challenge my views, I'm going to get offended.
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But when I build the relational trust and credibility,
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then I can actually speak into your life. So
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the power of friendship in engaging secular people
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is amazing. And also what's beautiful about this
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is you don't have to be super talented or a really
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persuasive, apologetic person. You can just be
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a good friend. And so it's accessible to all
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of us. And each of us can build a friendship
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with a few people that God puts in our life.
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To me, this is encouraging because I can do this.
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Anyone can do this. And we're going to talk more
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about what that looks like. But here's the thing.
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In order for you to do this, you've got to count
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the cost. Because one of the addictions of our
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time is busyness. We are so over -scheduled.
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And as Christians, we're often over -scheduled
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doing good things, like five different Bible
16:22
studies and eight different church events, all
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good stuff. But there is literally no room, no
16:30
margin to have a relationship with a secular
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person. And as we all know, relationships take
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time. They're costly, right? And so we need to
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make room, which means we need to have a shift
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in priority and lifestyle. This starts with a
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broken heart, where we repent and say, God, my
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heart is cold. It's not right. I'm sorry. Would
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you give me your broken heart? And when your
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heart is broken, then you're willing to sacrifice.
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Then you're willing to say no to whatever thing
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or things that you're doing in order to create
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space for you to have relationships with secular
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people in your life. And to understand that friendships,
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they take time and that they're cumulative and
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that they're exponential. Like the more you develop
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a relationship over time, the more it grows,
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the more you can build that trust, the more you
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can speak into the life, the more they can see
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your lifestyle in action. But that takes time
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and it's going to take sacrifice. So we need
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to count the cost and intentionally build the
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margin in our life in order to have these kinds
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of relationships. All right. Another key point
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has to do with the idea of holiness. versus relevance.
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So in Steiger, we have a number of values and
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two of our values are holiness and relevance.
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And holiness and relevance is an interesting
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concept because they can feel like tensions or
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like they're actually on the opposite sides of
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two spectrums. Because what relevance is about
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is it's about being with people. And being connected
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to people and knowing people and understanding
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how they see the world and to be able to communicate
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in an effective way. Whereas holiness is about
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being set apart. It's about being different and
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distinct. And so what happens is you can actually
18:24
err on either side. So you can be completely,
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quote unquote, relevant to the point where you
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look exactly like the world. And you essentially
18:34
adopt the world's lifestyle and morals and theology
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in order to fit in and to connect. And so that's
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kind of one extreme end of the spectrum. The
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other spectrum is that we are so quote unquote
18:47
holy that we isolate ourselves from the world,
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that we're completely disconnected, that we do
18:53
everything separate, separate Christian schools,
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Christian entertainment, Christian everything
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so that we have no impact. and no influence on
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the world. And so the tension is, how do we actually
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be in the world, but distinct? That's the tension
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that we need to have. And as followers of Jesus,
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we are called to go into the world and to transform
19:17
it. And that means that we have to be distinct.
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We don't compromise morally or theologically.
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but we also don't hide from the world either.
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And so there's that tension of relevance versus
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holiness. So how do we do this well? So the first
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thing is, again, is we want to be, when we're
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developing these relationships, these friendships,
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we want to be distinct. We want to be clear that
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we're a follower of Jesus, right? We don't want
19:43
to hide the fact that we are a follower of Jesus.
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In fact, following Jesus is core to who you are.
19:50
It should come out naturally. It should be part
19:53
of the flow of your conversation. So we want
19:57
to be distinct and clear, but we don't want to
19:58
be obnoxious or a Jesus robot where we can't
20:02
like, you know, we don't see the social cues
20:05
that are going on and we're just like, Jesus,
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you know, like we want to be able to connect
20:09
with people naturally and be clear that we are
20:14
followers of Jesus. The second thing that's really
20:17
important in this approach. is that we cannot
20:20
be offended that non -Christians act like non
20:25
-Christians. So many times Christians are so
20:27
precious and so easily offended when someone
20:31
acts a little rough or maybe makes a comment
20:34
politically that you don't agree with and it's
20:36
like, whoa, and you freak out. And we need to
20:39
be able to a little more relax that we're not
20:41
going to freak out when someone acts. like a
20:44
non -Christian, because that is what they are,
20:46
right? So to give you an example, I grew up in
20:48
the Netherlands, and I grew up with a friend
20:51
that my brother and I both had. We grew up in
20:53
the same neighborhood. We had a great friendship.
20:55
And then when we got older, we left. We left
20:58
the Netherlands. And then years later, I came
21:01
back to Amsterdam, and I thought, I'm going to
21:03
look up my friend. And so I went to his house,
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knocked on his door, and it turns out they were
21:06
having a party. And they're like, yeah, yeah,
21:08
he's upstairs. Go upstairs. So I went upstairs.
21:12
whole group, and this is Amsterdam, mind you,
21:13
there's a whole group of people and they're all
21:16
smoking joints and they're like, come on, sit
21:18
down. And I could have been like, whoa, no way,
21:22
get away from me. And instead I was like, okay,
21:24
fine. Sat down, they handed the joint, I handed
21:26
it off to the next person and just began to have
21:29
a conversation with these people because I'm
21:31
not going to be tainted or, you know, like I
21:34
can hang out with non -Christian people and not
21:36
be offended that they act. like non -Christians,
21:40
right? Like, so we can be a little not so precious
21:42
about that. The next point is that the goal,
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and this is critical, the goal is not to flaunt
21:50
our moral superiority, like the fact that we
21:54
swear a little less or the fact that we don't,
21:57
you know, we don't get drunk. And the goal is
22:00
not to flaunt that. The goal is that we actually
22:04
allow them to see our supernatural hope, love,
22:09
joy, and peace. So what I mean by that is what
22:13
people want to see is how is it that you are
22:16
joyful in suffering, right? How is it that you
22:20
just found out that you have cancer, but you
22:23
have peace? How does that make sense? How is
22:27
it that you have hope when everything around
22:30
you is falling apart? How is it that you are
22:33
able to love the unlovable, that you are able
22:36
to forgive someone that hurt you? How is it that
22:39
you are able to have hope, love, joy, and peace?
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And the reason is because it's not natural. It's
22:45
a supernatural thing the Holy Spirit has done
22:47
in you. That is what you want people, the distinction
22:50
that you want people to see. I'm not suggesting
22:53
that we don't worry about our morals. I'm just
22:56
saying that is not what's going to attract someone.
22:59
They want to see something supernatural. And
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the supernatural is the fruit of the Spirit.
23:05
And especially when they see how you handle hard
23:08
things, how you handle suffering. Because then
23:11
what you get is you get that classic apologetic
23:15
verse, which is 1 Peter 3 .15, which says, Always
23:18
prepare to give an answer to everyone who asks
23:21
you to give the reason for the hope. that you
23:24
have, but do this with gentleness and respect.
23:27
They're not asking you to give the reason that
23:29
you swear less or the reason that you're not
23:34
drinking. That's not what they're asking. Where
23:36
does the hope come from? And so I think this
23:39
is a critical distinction that we need to make
23:42
as we engage secular people. So we want people
23:45
to see those supernatural things of hope, joy,
23:48
love, and peace in our lives. All right. So those
23:51
are kind of the basic principles. Now, how do
23:54
we actually get friendships? Like, how do we
23:56
actually do this? So the idea here is we want
24:00
to adopt a missionary mindset. And so what does
24:02
that mean? That means that we want to be intentional
24:06
about a lifestyle that is going to put us in
24:11
places and situations where we're going to be
24:14
able to interact with and ultimately develop
24:16
friendships with secular people. It means that
24:19
it doesn't just happen organically. Like a missionary
24:23
is not a organic, oh, look at this, I'm in Egypt
24:26
now. No, I decided to go to Egypt to pursue people
24:33
in Egypt that don't know Jesus. That is the mindset
24:37
that we need to have right here. The approach
24:41
is we need to be missionaries to our people in
24:45
our cities. And so the idea is we adopt in a
24:48
missionary mindset an intentional lifestyle.
24:51
And again, we go back to the fact that that starts
24:54
in a broken heart, counting the costs, and now
24:56
we intentionally engage with people. So how do
25:00
we do that? Well, first thing you can do is start
25:03
by actively pursuing people in your oikos, which
25:06
is a Greek word for your sphere of influence.
25:08
So who's already in your sphere of influence,
25:11
whether that's obviously family, coworkers, neighbors,
25:15
there are people already around you that There's
25:20
a difference between like knowing someone or
25:23
seeing someone at an event or Thanksgiving and
25:26
pursuing them for a deeper relationship. And
25:31
there are people right now in your world that
25:34
if you ask the Lord, God, who do you want me
25:37
to pursue? Who do you want me to pursue for a
25:40
deeper relationship? And sometimes in your own
25:43
family, that means that I'm going to pursue people
25:45
where I have a broken relationship. And the goal
25:48
in this case is not necessarily to preach the
25:50
gospel. Ultimately, we want that. But the goal
25:53
is to build and mend a relationship, right? To
25:56
start there. Or maybe there's people that you're
25:59
working with, worked with for years, but you
26:03
haven't pursued a relationship with them beyond
26:06
your work. And there's incredible, one of the
26:09
greatest mission fields that we have today is
26:11
our work, where we get to interact with secular
26:13
people. And you don't have to build a relationship
26:16
with everyone, two or three people where you
26:20
pursue them and you develop relationship outside
26:22
of the work context where you can begin to have
26:25
open, personal, and ultimately spiritual conversations.
26:28
But who are those people? And this is something
26:30
that you need to take to the Lord, right? Because
26:33
again, we have a limited capacity to develop
26:36
relationships and we need to say, God, who is
26:39
it in my sphere of influence that you want me
26:42
to pursue intentionally? for a deeper relationship.
26:46
And ultimately, we're talking about people today
26:48
who would not walk into a church. Second thing,
26:51
when it comes to the missionary mindset, is we
26:55
should expand our oikos because the reality is
26:59
in our culture, our oikos, our sphere of influence
27:01
is getting smaller and smaller. Even our neighborhoods,
27:04
we don't engage with like we used to. Working
27:06
from home has made our work influence smaller
27:10
and smaller, right? Families are more separated
27:12
than ever before. So in fact, a lot of times
27:15
our natural sphere of influence is pretty small.
27:18
And so we need to expand that by being relationally
27:22
present in secular places. Again, this is that
27:25
missionary mindset. And so the idea is what can
27:28
we do? Well, go to places like hobbies where
27:31
people like to do things. Together, remember,
27:35
secular people are looking for belonging and
27:38
community. And if they're not finding it in the
27:41
church, they're finding it in other places. And
27:43
so these are great places where you can, not
27:46
just organically because I like sports, because
27:48
I want to develop relationships, because I want
27:51
to connect with people. Where are the places
27:53
that I could go, hobbies that I can be part of,
27:56
where I can develop relationships with secular
27:58
people that wouldn't walk into a church? Yeah,
28:01
there are causes. Causes are actually awesome
28:04
ways to connect because causes, and we'll talk
28:06
about this later when we talk about politics,
28:09
but causes inherently suggest that people want
28:12
to be part of something bigger than themselves
28:13
and that they believe the world is not as it
28:17
ought to be and they want to make it better.
28:19
I mean, those are biblical truths that we can
28:21
actually connect with someone on, even if they
28:24
don't follow Jesus. So finding causes, whether
28:26
it's local politics, social causes, neighborhood
28:29
groups. whatever, causes that you can connect
28:32
into to develop these relationships with secular
28:34
people. And then lastly, it's places or events,
28:37
right? So it's public places where people hang
28:41
out, parks, bars, gyms. Maybe it's events like
28:45
festivals where you can go and you can develop
28:48
authentic relationships. Again, the big paradigm
28:52
shift here is this doesn't just happen organically,
28:55
right? This is God saying to you, I want you
28:58
to be a missionary in your city. And part of
29:00
being a good missionary is you go where the people
29:02
are in order to develop authentic relationships.
29:05
And you go there and you develop real relationships
29:07
with them. Now, some key wisdom, especially when
29:10
you're going to places that are either kind of
29:14
spiritually dark or there's maybe some issues
29:17
like if there's alcohol there and you've got
29:19
a history with alcohol abuse, the key here is
29:23
there needs to be wisdom. in going. You need
29:26
to be clear about your motivation, why you're
29:28
going, and who's doing the influencing. And the
29:32
other key thing about this is generally you don't
29:34
want to do this alone. One of the things, my
29:36
big challenges in this is that this should not
29:39
be an individual sport. This should be a team
29:41
sport. And what's cool about doing this with
29:44
a group of people is that they actually, first
29:47
of all, we're gifted differently. We bring different
29:50
strengths and giftings to the group, but also
29:52
there are moments when I'm weak. Or when I'm
29:54
not feeling particularly brave or courageous.
29:57
But then if I'm going with someone else, it's
29:59
like working out. When I know someone else is
30:01
going to be there that I said I'd be there with,
30:02
I show up, right? So doing this together is good
30:05
because it keeps you motivated. It keeps you
30:08
going. But it also keeps you safe so that you're
30:11
not being influenced by the scene. You're influencing
30:13
the world. So find others that you can do this
30:18
with. And it makes for a really cool thing to
30:21
do together. So I'll give you an example of how
30:25
I experienced this myself. So the Steiger Mission
30:28
School used to be in New Zealand. And so I went
30:31
to the Steiger Mission School in New Zealand
30:33
and I led the outreach there. And New Zealand
30:36
is a very secular country, very progressive in
30:40
terms of social things. And we were doing outreach
30:44
in Wellington, the capital, and we were doing
30:46
outreach in the city. And one day I saw a poster.
30:49
on the wall and the poster was advertising a
30:53
gay fair. And it was basically like a fair where
30:57
they were selling things and music and events
31:00
and all this, but it was all LGBTQ themed. And
31:03
I looked at that and I had a deep conviction
31:06
from the Lord that we should reach out to these
31:08
people because so many people, and we'll talk
31:10
about this a lot later, in the LGBTQ community,
31:13
they think that Christians are their enemies.
31:16
And they don't have real relationships with real
31:19
Christians. And I felt like God said, I want
31:21
you to go there and I want you just to connect
31:22
relationally with this group. And so I found
31:26
a number and I called up the organizer of this
31:28
fair. And I was like, hey, you know, I'm Aaron.
31:31
I'm a part of this Christian group. I wanted
31:32
to be clear about who we were. And I was wondering
31:35
if there's anything we can do to serve at the
31:38
gay fair. And the person on the other end of
31:42
the phone was a little skeptical. at first, and
31:44
I convinced them, like, no, we're just here to
31:46
serve. Can we pick up garbage? Can we serve water?
31:49
And eventually, all I can tell you is that in
31:52
the end, they gave us permission to set up our
31:54
own stall at the gay fair to serve water. And
31:59
so we arrived at the venue, and it turned out
32:03
to be the hottest day of the year. And we set
32:06
up, on the left, we had this, like, very strange
32:09
film company, and on the right, they were selling
32:13
trinkets that I will not describe. And then right
32:17
in the middle of that was the Jesus stall. And
32:20
we had cups of water and on the cups we wrote,
32:24
whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst
32:25
again, sign Jesus. Because we wanted to make
32:28
sure that the act that we were doing is in the
32:29
name of Jesus. It was the hottest day of the
32:31
year and we could not give away our water fast
32:33
enough. Everywhere you looked in the gay fair
32:37
were people drinking water, reading their cups.
32:40
And then we had hours and hours of conversations
32:44
with people that would probably never have talked
32:47
to Christians. 95 % of them were very positive.
32:51
A few of them, you know, not, but that's part
32:52
of it. And then what happened is a few weeks
32:55
later, we were doing an outreach in Wellington
32:56
in one of the main cities. We were doing this
32:57
creative performance. And after the creative
33:00
performance, a guy came up and he said, I saw
33:02
you guys. You were at the gay fair. And this
33:04
was a homosexual man. And we started to talk
33:06
and build a relationship. And me and another
33:09
guy and my wife, Jen, built this friendship with
33:13
him. He eventually invited us over to come to
33:15
his apartment for dinner. We had weeks where
33:19
we were just connecting relationally, sharing
33:21
Jesus. We were reading the Sermon on the Mount
33:25
together. It was a really, really cool experience.
33:28
And this is a guy. who absolutely thought of
33:32
Christians, evangelical Christians, as the enemy.
33:36
And we were able to develop a friendship and
33:38
a relationship that totally softened him to the
33:40
point where he's reading the Bible with us because
33:43
we're willing to go to their places and develop
33:47
relationships. And so again, this is a... This
33:50
is something that all of us can do in our, whether
33:53
it's the sphere of influence we already have
33:55
or intentionally going to places in order to
33:59
develop relationship with people that won't walk
34:00
into a church. So the key thing in all of this
34:04
is that this cannot just be human. This has got
34:09
to be spirit led. We need to ask the Holy Spirit
34:15
to lead and direct our path to the right person,
34:18
to a person of peace, and to give us supernatural
34:22
favor. So often when we're doing outreach, I'll
34:25
say, Lord, just lead me to one person that you
34:28
want me to connect with. And so you'll end up
34:30
connecting with a person of peace who's open
34:32
to the gospel, but also has influence in their
34:36
scene. who's able to draw you into their world
34:39
and build a connection in the world. And so you're
34:42
able to draw and actually connect with far more
34:45
people. But the key point here is this is not
34:49
just a natural thing. This is a supernatural
34:51
leading of the Holy Spirit to the right person
34:53
at the right time. So as you say, okay, Lord,
34:57
I'm gonna start, I'm gonna reshape my lifestyle
34:59
and I'm gonna intentionally go to places in order
35:03
to develop relationships with people who wouldn't
35:05
walk into a church. Lord, would you lead me to
35:08
the right person at the right time? And you do
35:12
that and he will lead you and you'll find yourself
35:16
in that relationship like I just described with
35:18
the guy at the gay fair. All right, so a couple
35:22
of principles. Now that you've done it, you're
35:23
in it. You're engaging this scene, a couple of
35:26
key basic principles. First of all, like relax
35:29
when you're engaging in secular places, be yourself,
35:33
have fun. Don't be so uptight. Sometimes like,
35:35
whoa, you know, when you have that missionary
35:37
mindset, sometimes that comes with being a little
35:38
uptight and also trying to force it. So be patient.
35:43
Don't feel the need to make something happen.
35:46
Goes back to the point I just said earlier, which
35:48
is allow the spirit to direct you to the right
35:50
person at the right time. Have a long -term view
35:53
of it. Don't take yourself too seriously. Sometimes
35:55
it's awkward. We're all awkward. And most people
35:58
are not worried about you. They're worried about
36:00
themselves, right? They don't even see you, frankly.
36:03
So don't worry about it too much. Try to have
36:06
fun. Because joy is contagious. One person in
36:10
my world that's so good at this is Serena. It's
36:13
one of the leaders of our Minneapolis team. Her
36:15
joy draws people, right? Like we were doing an
36:19
outreach during the George Floyd times. We were
36:22
doing an outreach right where that happened.
36:24
And there was this couple. And I saw them because
36:27
I was praying, Lord, lead me. And I saw them
36:29
and they're really kind of cool looking, edgy.
36:30
I was like, I'd really like to talk to them,
36:32
but I'm not quite brave enough to do it. So I
36:34
was like, Serena, I want to talk to those people.
36:36
So she just comes bounding up to them. It's like,
36:39
hey, you guys are cool. We should talk. And boom,
36:42
we were talking. And so it wasn't that complicated
36:45
for her. And so the point is like that joy is
36:49
contagious. You know, and again, that also the
36:52
whole point of a team, right? If you got those
36:54
people, use them. That's what I do. So have fun,
36:57
relax, be yourself. Second thing is harness the
37:00
incredible power of asking questions and listening.
37:04
One of the most powerful expressions of love
37:07
is to listen. Again, it's one of the simplest
37:11
and most powerful expressions of love that you
37:14
can exhibit to someone is to really listen and
37:17
ask questions. So the principle when it comes
37:19
to this is three things or three steps to doing
37:22
it right. Number one, listen. Number two, ask
37:25
questions. Number three, listen. This is, I mean,
37:29
and it's the simplest and most profound thing.
37:33
that you can do. You know, and so I, you know,
37:38
if you want to go deeper into this stuff, read
37:39
the old school book, How to Win Friends and Influence
37:41
People, because it's basically those principles,
37:43
how to really connect, how to build authentic
37:46
friendships with people. And then again, the
37:49
idea here is don't make assumptions. We put people
37:52
in boxes just about how they look, right? So
37:55
the idea of listening and ask questions, don't
37:57
make assumptions about them. Really listen. Try
38:00
to understand them. Learn their real, raw story.
38:03
Everyone is going through stuff, right? It's
38:06
everyone is, filtered reality looks good. But
38:09
in true reality, there's stuff I'm going through.
38:11
So learn the real story. And what's amazing is
38:13
people will tell you their real stories. Going
38:16
back to that story with Serena and those two
38:17
people, we connected with them. We sat down right
38:20
in the middle of the George White thing and just
38:21
talked for hours. And they shared stories, deep,
38:24
vulnerable stories of brokenness so quickly.
38:27
People are really hungry to share their stories.
38:30
And then, again, really try to understand their
38:33
perspective. And one of the easiest thing when
38:36
someone says something that you don't agree with,
38:38
just like, how did you come to believe that?
38:40
Really understand. And oftentimes two things
38:43
happens. When you understand how they came to
38:45
believe, you understand the real issue. Plus
38:47
you have a love for them and an empathy for them
38:49
that you might not have had before. So really
38:52
try to understand what they believe. And remember,
38:55
empathy is not the same as agreeing or affirming.
38:59
Sometimes we're so afraid to like listen and
39:02
understand someone whose view is totally out
39:05
of alignment with the Bible, but that's okay.
39:08
That is not the same as agreeing or affirming.
39:11
Remember that and then find common ground and
39:14
genuine ways to affirm someone. We're going to
39:17
talk about this more during the spiritual conversations
39:19
idea, but there's always things that you can
39:22
affirm in someone because whether they're following
39:25
Jesus or not, they are made in the image of God.
39:27
And there's things about them that God has designed
39:30
that you can begin to call out and to affirm.
39:33
And that is like water to a desert for secular
39:37
people who are not hearing those words of affirmation.
39:40
So the principle here is how are we going to
39:43
build relationships with secular people? My challenge
39:46
to you is this. Ask God to highlight. Spend some
39:49
time alone seeking the Lord and ask God to highlight
39:52
one person. in your oikos that you will actively
39:57
pursue for a deeper relationship? Again, don't
40:03
just pick someone, like seek the Lord and say,
40:06
Lord, who is it in my family, at my work, in
40:10
my neighborhood, whatever, the people that are
40:13
already in my sphere of influence, who do you
40:15
want me to actively pursue for a deeper relationship?
40:19
And then second one, ask God for one place. One
40:23
place, a hobby, cause, or place where you will
40:26
be relationally present intentionally in order
40:29
to develop new relationships with secular people.
40:31
That's my challenge for you to take away from
40:33
this time. You've been listening to Living on
40:38
the Edge with guest teacher Aaron Pierce and
40:40
a message titled Building Trust and Friendships.
40:43
Our regular Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, will
40:46
help wrap up today's program in just a minute.
40:49
But if you ever want to revisit or share any
40:51
part of our current series called Caring Enough
40:53
to Connect, Building Bridges to Those We Love,
40:56
just go online to livingontheedge .org. Expanding
41:01
your circle of friendship, like Aaron talked
41:03
about today, is exactly what the Not Beyond Reach
41:06
Participants Guide equips you to do. It's a 10
41:09
-week video -based study with sessions on starting
41:12
spiritual conversations, navigating politics,
41:16
sexuality, and science, and sharing the message
41:19
of the cross with people who feel far from God.
41:22
And right now we're offering this special study
41:24
guide at a discounted price. So go to livingontheedge
41:27
.org slash offers to get yours today. For 30
41:32
years, Living on the Edge has worked diligently
41:35
to help Christians live like Christians. And
41:38
as a listener -supported ministry, it's your
41:40
giving that ultimately makes that impact. Today
41:43
we invite you to give a generous donation and
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help more believers reach the next generation.
41:49
Give online at livingontheedge .org or call us
41:53
at 888 -333 -6003. You can also send your gift
41:58
by mail to Living on the Edge, P .O. Box 3007,
42:02
Suwannee, Georgia 30024. Well, now here's Chip
42:07
with Aaron to close out today's message. Aaron,
42:10
thanks again for being with us here today in
42:12
studio. Today, you challenge us to expand our
42:16
oikos or our sphere of influence to secular places.
42:20
But I think it's really important for us to define
42:22
that phrase secular places. You know, I think
42:25
it's easy to say, yeah, a nightclub or bars or
42:28
spots. I mean, those are secular places to engage
42:31
people. But let's take a minute and share some
42:34
everyday places that you and I maybe are more
42:37
comfortable with or on a general basis relate
42:41
to people. You know, Chip, that's a really good
42:44
point. You know, I have four kids and they all
42:48
play soccer, which means that my wife and I spend
42:51
an insane amount of time hanging out at soccer
42:55
fields. And what I've found is that this is an
42:57
incredible opportunity to build relationships
43:00
with other parents because we're spending hours
43:03
together on the sidelines and we're traveling
43:06
to tournaments and sharing meals. And it's just
43:09
an amazing time for me to build relationships
43:11
and to get to know them and befriend them and
43:16
walk them through a journey of friendship that
43:18
begins to engage in spiritual conversations and
43:21
eventually gospel conversations. And I have another
43:24
friend who loves fancy cars, and he's part of
43:27
a car club that brings together all these car
43:30
enthusiasts, and he develops the relationships
43:32
there. And he gets to naturally interact with
43:35
people who wouldn't be ready to come. a church,
43:38
but they're looking for friendship. They're looking
43:40
for connection. And so these opportunities are
43:43
all around us. And it just is a matter of intentionality
43:48
to adopt that missionary mindset right where
43:51
you are and to pursue people in these places
43:55
where God gives you those opportunities. Well,
43:58
that's all for today. We'll see you next time
44:00
here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is
44:06
produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.