Latest / Wired For More - ADHD & Self Mastery / 7 Figure Success Still Feels Empty - Wilson Fraser

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7 Figure Success Still Feels Empty - Wilson Fraser · Wired For More - ADHD & Self Mastery

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, Ian May here with the Wired for More ADHD and Self Mastery podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have my good friend Wilson Fraser on the line.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Contrary to every other guest that I've had over the last six months, Wilson and I didn't meet on LinkedIn where I seem to live.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: We actually met at an alluviance retreat under the guidance of our good friend Alex Kramer.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And Wilson and I honestly, you and I connected very deeply very early on.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like before, like even in like the kind of office, not office hour, coffee hour, intro chats, just connecting.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: There is some amount of resonance when you just meet people that you can tell that you just bond heart postures open, just this like excitement and joy to get to meet new people.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: But also, this is immediately my person.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I very much so felt like you were in my inner circle, the first conversation we had.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, in celebration of that, I wanted to have you on the podcast, but also it turns out you've got some big changes happening.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll dig into that in a moment.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: But just to kick things off, who are you?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Why should people care about your past, your history?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we'll dig into more of what you're working on right now.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for the intro, Ian.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and excited to be here.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, love meeting people in person.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: If anyone's ever been to an immersion or what we call a different different retreat, you can understand how deeply connected you might be able to feel to someone just through a quick weekend.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh to Ian's point, felt that very deeply with him just based on our past and the journeys that we're both on.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: But as Ian mentioned, my name is Wilson Fraser.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've worked in tech sales for roughly 10 plus years now.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have done everything that they tell you to do on paper, right?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: The president's clubs, the seven-figure years, um, the success that comes with all of that.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And something inside of me also just didn't feel quite fulfilled and or happy.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I've worked with different coaches from a performance life coaching perspective for 10 plus years.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what I always kind of got hung up on was certain emotions that would show up uh when I was in sales.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: You would be the roller coaster, I'd have a really good year or a really good quarter, and I'd be on the high, or I'd have a down month or a down quarter, and I would just be buried in the anxiety and the burnout, maybe some levels of like not deep depression, but just some levels of just inadequacy andor imposter syndrome and wondering why those things kept showing up, even though I was working with coaches and doing some of these other things.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so where I'm at now in terms of my journey and where I'm at is really to guide men, uh working with men who are considered high performers and guiding them back to some level of balance and or aliveness in their life, right?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling like they don't have to burn down their life.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's where I'm at right now.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, it's been a fun journey just from a coaching perspective, but also starting to do things more entrepreneurially.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm launching a podcast here pretty soon, which we can share with your listeners, which would be awesome.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, just excited to dive into it with your brother.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Man, Wilson, where were you 10 years ago, brother?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I think for my I'm like, what year is it?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: I would say me 10 years ago could have used exactly what you're talking about, right?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: The just the hyper obsession with being on the mountaintop, being number one, being the performer, look good on paper.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I uh as far as resumes are concerned, I think everybody listening can appreciate you we have the credentials that says we're capable and competent.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, why do I still feel this way?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm still working with people and we're doing the internet.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I still feel this way?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, so I just love the fact that you can even speak to that personally, but also being able to say, but I've gotten not just glimpses, but deep seasons of some amount of acceptance and belonging that I want to now go share with other people.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like this ability to just be present with what is.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And for some people, they're like, Well, I'm not ready to climb, you know, come down off that mountaintop yet.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's where exactly that, like working with somebody who's willing to say, Hey, I'm gonna go on this climb with you.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm willing to sit in the muck and mire with you.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, it doesn't have to be all good all the time.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's dig into it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: So for that person that's listening to you, like I would love to hear even just like one of those moments that you had some clarity where you felt like you kind of got to see that there were a couple stars in the sky that were for you and some glimpses of you know, either clarity or peace or something like that.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is there a moment that that you feel like you could share in that story of yours?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, is it one moment?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like a culmination of things that really just built up over time.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I would say the biggest example for me was really outsourcing my worth to some level of external stimuli, if you if you want to call it that.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I base a lot of the decisions in my life based on things that were happening around me externally.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny, I actually talked about this in a link LinkedIn post today.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: We are really just programmed to work towards status and money and pleasure and these different things.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then the world tells us that we're actually more educated or more capable based on the amount of money that we have.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I really latched on to.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start to compare yourself to your peers around you, whether it be in your job, maybe from college, from high school, like wherever your friend groups are.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And as you start to do that, what I at least came to the conclusion of was it becomes a really toxic place to find motivation.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that it doesn't work, but I think it comes to a head at some point in terms of understanding, wow, I'm really pulling from a fuel source that is frankly just draining me every day, every week, and makes me feel like I'm forcing it to some level.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm getting at is really what I worked towards was understanding was there was this what I call internal kind of protector mask that I was essentially wearing, because at a younger age, I learned that being authentically Wilson was not accepted.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I needed to put on a mask in the work world, maybe for on the athletic teams that I was on in certain classes with professors to show up as it says, you know, for example, like on a job description.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: If I match that just perfectly, then I'll be accepted, I'll be seen, I'll get whatever.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: You get the accolades.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that became very depleting because again, over time, I wasn't being myself.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel any level of fulfillment andor happiness by doing that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think the biggest switch for me was just being able to dive into just what we call curiosity and just starting to ask deeper questions about like, well, why am I acting like this?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Where did this pattern come from?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I actually making decisions based on things happening around me?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And why am I so influenced by that?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And really what I learned was it for a lot of people, it stems back to your childhood.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: It really stems back to a root and to a thing, to some stories, some experience that we all have.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And what we start to learn is that, you know, your conscious mind, based on some of those patterns you picked up, you start to tell yourself that that is truth.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can be, you know, some level of humility as you start to go down this journey, you start to dissect that and think, well, maybe this isn't truth.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that can be hard to do.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the last piece is just understanding what I was looking for was all within me.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had the answers that I was looking for in terms of how to show up more presently and more authentically, and tapping into wisdom, some level of knowledge.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And once I realized that I didn't need to look outside of myself for those answers, I was like, I was like, man, I was like, I haven't felt this energy.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And uh things started to blossom for me.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I'm resonating with right now is that process of of going through yes, your patterns, right?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is how I am showing up today, but also, hey, there's actually somebody I'm giving authority to that isn't me in this moment in time.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's right.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you talk about programming of for for me and what you're saying, it was I knew how to impress teachers, I knew how to impress parents, I knew how to impress coaches, and and it was formulaic.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like to your point, like it was very rote memorization of if you show up, look this way, do these things, act in this part, the grades will come, the trophies will come, the accolades will come, and yeah, that works.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be liked.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you will be liked by that.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: But for me personally, the additional add-on to that was, and all of your peers are competition for it.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was just a like double-layered thing of I know how to impress them, these systems, but I don't know how to connect and belong.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, for me, it was actually really isolating because all my peers kind of hated me a little bit because they're like, Ian, you're so arrogant, you're constantly trying to show off all that you do and can do.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, I don't understand how how why aren't you praising me the way that the systems and authorities are praising you?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Why, why, why don't you accept me the way that you're interesting?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's interesting of like when you and I met in the retreat, it already spent years of how do I stop being in competition with peers and just be a brother to somebody?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: What does that look like to just be in brotherhood?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what's beautiful is it has allowed me to create more deep, meaningful relationships quicker.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because, like when you and I met, it's like, hey, I'm I'm giving you exactly who I am.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's no part of me that's trying to impress you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're not looking at my portfolio and my resume and my net worth or the biggest deal that I've ever closed at any given point in my history.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because you don't care.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Seven-figure deal.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Cool.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Who's Ian?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Who's Ian?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Ian also wants to know who's Wilson.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, man.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I'm working on right now.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it has nothing to do with the sales.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: The sales will come, the goals will come, but the becoming is still something that that's all inward, and that's all the difficulty that you and I constantly face as coaches now.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: So you've been on the journey, but as a coach of being able to say, now what does that process actually look like?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: What how how do I do that?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because now that sounds great for the person who actually cares to go on that journey, but sometimes it's hey, where do you start?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like you ask the question of who's Wilson, but and you said curiosity.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: What does curiosity even really mean in that exploration?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think all this can be done by yourself.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I do think there is some level of like, you know, maybe mentorship and coaching that you need.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really really I formed a lot of the questions that I'm able to ask myself.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I think a lot of it just stems on whatever you're working through at the time.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you're asking, like, what questions do I ask from a curiosity standpoint, or where does that curiosity come from?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so I mean, even that that question of don't do it alone.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it starts with don't think that you have to do this by yourself.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is internal work, you going deep into you, but you don't have to do it in isolation.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: You you don't have to be alone and be stuck in isolation when you do it.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Not solitude, isolation.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think the biggest thing working with a coach into or finding a community is just finally feeling like, oh, I'm not alone in this.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that really opened the door for a lot of questions that I was resisting because everyone in my my my my sphere, let's face it, at the time, was not really doing you know what we call kind of deeper inner work.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so you just you think you're crazy.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: That that part of start with belonging first, because you don't even have an identity, really, because you're still asking the question of, oh, who am I?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: But even just being able to be surrounded by people who are saying, Hey, I'm struggling.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, You said that pretty honestly, uh, and you didn't feel bad about it, like tell tell me more.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: How do you have that confidence to be able to raise your hand and being like, actually things suck for me right now?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually not all good.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not all buttoned up as I want to appear to be.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And what I love about the work that you've done, and even what I've just witnessed for you, is you lead with that honesty and vulnerability and authenticity, and it gives other people permission to be able to say, Yep, yeah, that's me too.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a big thing I've learned was like everything that we had talked about earlier was the mask that we're wearing.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're not actually leading with any type of authenticity or vulnerability, and that's probably why you were seen as arrogant because you weren't showing up as Ian.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: You felt like you couldn't, and if you were, it was probably seen as a weakness because I felt that too.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so to your point, I think as you start to embrace that more, yeah, it's pretty amazing.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: You think it's scary, and then you start opening that door, and more and more people just start to reach out to you and uh just want you to keep going because they resonate so deeply with how they're actually feeling in that moment.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's it's those moments when you put yourself out there the most vulnerably that sometimes you just have to look for like little nuggets of hope, encouragement, and and use that as fuel.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, there might not be anybody listening yet when you when you share authentically, but it might be three months from now before someone says, Hey, actually, I've been following along for months, and I just gotta tell you, keep going.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of it is reframing.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to like derail this, but like it's just reframing how you looked at it in the past.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like for everything I do now in my life.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Before I was just stuck in the fear, whatever loop and story that was of what the reaction could be, right?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Attack to some attached to some potential expectation.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then you looked at it and you were like, well, what if people actually really resonated with it?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or if people really liked it, or what if people thought it was cool, or what if people thought it was like really courageous or really, you know, had the gumption to go out there and do whatever.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you sort of like lean onto that a little bit, and you're like, you're like, yeah, that's that that feels like better.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Versus just pessimistic side that that can just kind of anchor you down and you don't take action from that place.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that's helped me, and this kind of comes more from like the neuroscience side of it when it comes to ADHD and this obsession with dopamine around it, of that fear, it's trying to keep me safe.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so one of the practices that I use a lot is just gratitude, like instantaneous gratitude.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: So when my a fear story comes up, right, I'm gonna share something and people are gonna crapple over it.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, brain, for trying to keep me safe.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: And here's I'm gonna do that.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so the funny thing is that I think for a lot of people, they'll get stuck in bitterness with themselves for feeling fear, versus for me, it's like I just feel guilt.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Now you feel guilt for feeling fear.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm judging myself for the fear response that my body's having versus like, ooh, hey, thanks.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for trying to keep me safe.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's not serving me though.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna do this anyway.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for trying to keep me safe.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there's beauty in that process of what you're saying, of like the reframe oftentimes is how can I just release judgment of what's happening in my body to whatever new thing I'm moving forward with and celebrate it.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Man, actually, where did this come from?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, this used to keep me safe when I was 10 years old, and that bully said that thing about that moment.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I'm I'm still holding on to it.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that and that kid is still he's still hanging out in my brain, and he hasn't been around in years.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's been 20 years since Billy from the neighborhood beat me up for that thing.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like that, this isn't the playground anymore.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: I can release that.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, brain, for trying to keep me safe.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it amazing how we just hold on to that?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: We think we're not actually holding on to it.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: It happened 20 years ago, but then when the fear comes, you're like, wait a minute, uh, it's still like here.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still holding on to that file in the archives in my body because I still haven't actually worked through it or released it, or frankly, just made peace with it.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the acknowledging whose voice am I hearing right now?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because inevitably with time, every voice sounds like it's our voice.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: But as you develop that skill of curiosity, you can start to distance yourself from every thought and just being like, oh, I can just observe that thought, and then I can decide.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Is that actually my voice I'm hearing right now?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Or is it is it actually the perception of a parent who, hey, they're trying to keep me safe too.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, no, no.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, and this was my parents.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: Don't don't start your coaching, don't quit your job.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's an election year.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's not what I meant to say.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: True story, right?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: And they're not gonna hear this, and so I have no shame in and totally throwing them under the bus.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: But it came from a loving place.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: They're trying to keep me safe.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: But also, hey, I'm gonna run this as an experiment, and this is a this is a healthy experiment for me to run.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna try it out.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: For this long, I'm gonna experiment doing this thing full time, and here's the data I'm gonna collect.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thanks, parents.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: I know, hey, I love you.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're trying to help me keep me safe, but like if I don't do this now, I'm not gonna do it.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I I know how I'm gonna run this.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: And since then, they're just like, you're right.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the biggest unlocks and what I thought of when you were talking was uh I learned this one from Michael Singer, guy who wrote Untethered Soul, wrote uh Surrender Experience.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are not our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: We are just the ones who witness them.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And basically what he's saying is that that little voice in your head that you hear all the time, that is just like your conscious mind that is witnessing and talking to you and the thoughts that it's coming up with.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You are truly witnessing what it's saying.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can hear it, right?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can hear it, you can actually then write uh make it mutually exclusive, or not make it mutually exclusive, right?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to necessarily identify to it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that goes back to what I've said before about emotions just being basically just data points.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're not directives.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're not like, oh, I need to attach to this.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is the decision I need to make.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I identify with now.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a lot of what I did externally of how I made my decisions, was those thoughts and feelings would just program me to reactively move and make decisions.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then once I could take a step back and just take a breath, I was like, I feel it again.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel the fear or I feel the guilt or I feel the shave, whatever.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that showing up?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And again, go back to the curiosity.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as you continue to do that, that practice literally just creates new neural pathways and creates new ways for you to just make a different decision in that moment versus you feeling like you need to make a reactive subconscious decision.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: What I love about Michael Singer's approach to all of it is, and I don't know if you use this language, but becoming the observer, right?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like you are just the observer of thoughts, you are the observer of visceral experiences.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm the observer of adrenaline going through my body right now.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm observing the cortisol and the blood pressure spike and the heart rate elevation.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm observing, you know, the shakiness of the hands and the tension behind my jaw.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just observing all of those things.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: And a good majority of those happen so fast that I didn't have control of that.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: So why am I judging myself for the fact that this thing happened automatically?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: And now I've created an identity around it.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Now I've created some personality around it.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now I need a personality quiz to say what is or isn't true about me, versus of like I can just observe all of it, and then I can decide do I want to reinforce this story, this pattern, or do I want to create a new one?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it might take me some time.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: I might not get it right every time, but I can have this up into the right trajectory because I'm gonna keep chipping away at it.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Think how much brain energy you're using, just responding to all those thoughts and feelings.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're just like, man.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: It just makes back to it, I'm like, man, it just makes the days feel really long.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: You just feel so deflated and drained by having to always manage it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think for a lot of the clients that I've worked with who do sit more on the side of maybe not ADHD, but heightened amounts of intrusive thoughts in the speed at which they happen.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they they share a lot.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just feel tired all the time.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I just feel like I'm constantly expending energy just looking for where the next jab punch is coming from and that hypervigilance that's just always present.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no wonder by the end of the day, you don't have time for your wife and your kids and and to just be present with the things that you say you care about, but it's just like, but now when I'm with my family, all I can think about is work.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I'm at work, all I can think about is how I mucked up the night before and I'm not present and they're pissed off at me.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, whatever those stories are, versus just being able to start with, can I just create some distance from the thought and my high mind, you know, highest self, whatever language that you use, the language I give that person, that observer is verdant Ian.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is Ian that is very abundant and essentially has a higher connection to God, the Holy Spirit, and you know, the nature of the universe, whatever language you want to use.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: I personally adhere to the Holy Spirit and God and the language that I use, but being able to just create that separation a little bit, so then I can respond to the trigger, the visceral experience, the story, the identity story, like whatever that is.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: And now I can start feeling like I have my hand on the wheel again.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, in terms of like what where you see yourself starting, right?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're digging into uh burnout coaching for men in terms of like really who you're looking to talk to.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like if there's somebody in the audience right now that you want them to be able to raise your hand, where are they at right now?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are they experiencing?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: I've narrowed it down to like again, this this isn't like a strict guideline, but like typically what I've seen is any males typically anywhere from 32 years old to 45.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be a little earlier too, but that that's kind of right around the age range where people are kind of poking their head up for air and they're kind of looking around and they're starting to ask some questions.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's typically because you have some level of success in your career, right?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're maybe at the job title that you want, you're at the compensation baby that you want, you have the house, maybe you're married, you have a baby already, or maybe it's the opposite.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just like went through a divorce or whatever.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's some change happening in your life, and you're kind of at an inflection point and you're feeling a bit just lost, feeling a bit stuck, feeling a bit of the anxiety and the burnout that we're talking about, or feeling some level of is this it?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Where where's the fulfillment and the happiness and the joy and all the things that was promised by checking the boxes of all the things I was told I should do and I don't have it yet?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: So what do I do now?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because they've never truly actually had to sit with some level of right emotions and And discernment around them and what this is actually telling them.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And they probably have maybe, I don't know, maybe a wife or someone that's actually saying, like, I want you to be more present, or they're asking certain things of them, but they actually don't know how to show up that way.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, they're a little bit in a tailspin of where do I go next?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to get rid of the job?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do I do something different?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do I move?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do I get divorced?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: They're asking questions again from a safety perspective of maybe I just burn it down, start over.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what I my what I'm here to do is really to guide them to tell them that you don't need to burn it all down.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's actually some level of balance and aliveness that you can be guided back to.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my big thing here is that we're not actually trying to solve or figure out this new version of whoever you are, like you're solving a Rubik's Cube.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's really simple of just actually getting more in tune with who you are and just remembering who you are.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: And once you start to remember who you are, that makes it feel a bit more self-sourced in terms of like, I haven't had the answers the whole the whole time.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start to like feel the juice of that a little bit, you're like, okay, let's tap into this.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're on the other side of the wall a little bit.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now we can ask some like more fun questions about purpose and vision and where do we want to go in life and what does that all look like?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we start to relate to something a little bit bigger than ourselves and not being tied to these super superficial things of pleasure, money, status, and different things?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And once you start to attach to a higher level of purpose in your life, then that that motivation just I don't know, seems to overflow, if you will.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think to your point though, about like the age range, obviously age isn't the determining factor.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's have you already gotten to a point where you've reached a pinnacle of some kind, and yet you feel more empty.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And yet you're wondering why.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's it it feels like it's not just meaningless, but you're looking back at it, being like, why did I even push for this in the first place?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: What part of me actually needed this?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: And and and I think that what you're talking about, what I heard from you, is uh you don't necessarily have to come down off that mountaintop, but also, hey, how can you stay on that mountaintop or continue a new heading from a place of encouragement, deep self-acceptance, and belonging, so that now your motivation is coming from excitement and joy and intensity, from what's pulling you forward rather than what's pressuring you, what you know, what thing are you avoidant of?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: And you talked about success and financial success in particular.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Financial success is just a really useful tool for avoiding pain for a lot of people.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that pain avoidance comes at a cost.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like you talked about it, of like, yeah, that that pain avoidance doesn't necessarily mean it's not gonna last forever.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: It does for a time.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what I I love about what I'm hearing is the fact that hey, you you feel pretty confident in helping somebody uncover what is the real fuel that's gonna carry you to this next iteration, this next transform transformative state.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And look at what actually has been useful.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, maybe there's maybe there were some values that weren't aligned with what that pressure, stress, and anxiety story was coming from, but how can I do it without that?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: How can I do it without the stress?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: How can I do without the core result?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: How can I do it without the fear of what I'm avoiding rather than the excitement for what I'm building?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: One of the cool things about your story that I've I've heard from you is the fact that, hey, you when you started this personal journey, you didn't immediately come down off the mountaintop.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't burn it all down, go become a Tibetan monk.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like you stayed right where you were, and you built some reasonable success with staying put.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that there that by itself is worthy of celebration.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: That there's a lot of people who are like, hey, I don't have the ability to sell everything I own, divorce my wife, uh, you know, kick the dog and go wear tan up in the Himalayas.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have that ability.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: What does that look like for me now?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean that that person I feel like likely already resonates with everything you're saying.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: No doubt.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Is already hearing you like, all right, what what is it like working with Wilson at this point?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I lead through some level and coach through some level of experience, right?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's a little bit of theory in there.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I would say Ian's probably more theory-based a little bit with how he coaches, but I'm really coaching from a place of experience in terms of just the exercises, the things that I have been able to tap into to get to, I don't know what you call it, maybe a different peak or a different mountaintop.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: But again, we're all on the journey, we're all on the path.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: For example, like again, I'm not just here to say that I have it all figured out.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still coming up with new ways to really just go deeper or peel back the layer.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have found and what I've been able to do has feels transformable for me.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm a bit on the other side, I'm like, how was I never on how was I never over here before?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't make any sense.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I guess what I'm getting at is just it feels fun to just really just kind of scream some of that from the rooftops.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: And not to get too woo-woo here or get to too in-depth, but uh part of my journey is rooted in a lot of really deep-seated grief uh through losing my brother.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: And through some of that, I've been able to go deeper to understand that I'm just supposed to be a beacon of light for men, and you are allowed to lead through experience.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be through theory or be through uh certain ways like having an MD or whatever it is.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you've actually helped me a lot with that too, Ian.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like you don't necessarily need all the credentials.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: People just want to understand how to fix their problem and they're willing to pay for that for and work with someone who has solved it in a unique way.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I think that's what I've just been able to lean back on a little bit and start to understand.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I actually do have a lot of knowledge, a lot of wisdom.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And as I start to sprout and tap into some of that, yeah, it's made just the process a bit more fun to really dissect and starting to just see your life kind of as one just like unfold a little bit in front of you versus like, what is this chapter trying to serve me?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Which is just like my ego trying to be like, what are we getting out of this?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: What does this look like?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like honestly, just like everything's just kind of flowing together in terms of each chapter.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: And as you can start to embrace that a little bit more and just feel like this is the way and have some level of belief in that versus looking at it from a lens of uh duality of like, is this right?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is this right, or is this wrong?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that black and white thinking.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe just believe in what you want to believe in.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's the right answer.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've started to do that and just go that direction and just pull the cord of my intuition, just more doors open and more clarity comes and more things, and you're like, yeah, this is life.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is cool, this makes sense.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that that's really what it would be like to work with me and really tap into it.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully it's exciting for people.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I I love that.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: And and one, I'll say don't bash on theoretical uh ideas because the theoretical physicists were theoretical until they built some nuclear bombs.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean that's right.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, yeah, exactly.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um but but also, I mean, I think that's something to your point of hey, you've been doing this work privately for a long time.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: And on top of that, you've also been doing this in community and in ceremonies of some really high-powered individuals for a long time.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's not just your own personal experience that you're drawing from, it's that you've also been witness to a lot of other people's transformations, right?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's something that you call it intuition, but some of it is like, no, I you've witnessed hundreds of people go through these journeys and these processes and through the number of retreats that you've been as a participant, but then also in the communities that you've been, where it's open for us all to be able to share.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, my personal experience illuminates for somebody else.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: You give people permission to share based on what you share.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you know, what's interesting for me, and even my own journey and experience, is that I started in in the addiction space.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't able to share any client referrals for the first two years of my coaching because not a single person wanted to say that they were working with me.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that was hard to build a business from, right?
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: That was hard to be able to speak to.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, hey, here's where you talked about it being theoretical, but um, and I'm not offended by that, mind you.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, here's here's where this knowledge and understanding of addiction, or I should say dopamine comes from.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the challenge really comes down to like now how do you apply that?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because, like, logically, uh, it can be easy for us to intellectually know in the age of AI, we have all of the knowledge out there.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Logically, everyone knows what they should be doing to explore this journey, but AI and knowledge doesn't actually take you there.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's not found in a book, it's not found in isolation.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: It is found by doing it in community and with this acceptance and belonging that comes from that community.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think that's the part where anybody can pay for insights.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you probably have a good amount of insights, and I probably do too, theoretically.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: But the beauty of it is how do we turn insights into actionable, intelligent decision making and increase the likelihood that somebody actually follows through with that?
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: That only comes from community acceptance, belonging, and you know, in coaching, what you and I have seen is accountability.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I saw you have this transformation, and that's great.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: When we're here in this retreat, when we're away from our normal life, how do you re-enter into normal society and make sure that you stay on that trajectory?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: You don't fall back into it.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a good question.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've brought it up of the community and the coaching.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think that's something that people who've done coaching before know the value of that accountability, know the value of having that person who's saying you don't get to just pretend like you had it all together for the weekend.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: How do you turn that into the life that you have moving forward?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think the cool thing about community is they don't necessarily call you forward with their words, they call you forward via their action.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think really that's what you're getting at.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that saying of like what the rising tide lifts all boats type of thing.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: And uh when you start to see someone else in your community or that maybe that you're whatever, working working with, just really going for it, you're like, I wanna can I swear in here?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want to fucking go for it.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh there's something different about that level of accountability versus just like writing it down and having some level of like integrity of like I'm just gonna get this done, but you don't really have anyone to share it with and no one's really to like see it.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I know like we shouldn't always just like look for validation outside of ourselves, but like it it feels good.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: So if if it's reinforcing behavior you want to see more of, it's external validation is a tool like any other.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I just love that aspect of what I call conscious community.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is that like the community itself is conscious in terms of the standards and the values and the things that it really embodies as like a community and or a business, whatever it is that they're working towards, and you feel aligned with that mission, and everyone else in it is also in the same boat.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're just like, oh, I'm rocking with the same badass people.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And once you start to surround yourself with those people to your point, you just like commitments just start pouring out of you a little bit.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: It also gets you out of bed.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, even with my workout community, I'm like, you know what?
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: I get to go work out with some badass people today, and they're not skipping.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sure as hell not skipping either.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I don't know.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: It it creates, like I said, some a level of motivation and accountability to keep showing up consistently every day.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: But then I think it's good to reinforce that with some solo work, but uh the the solo work just right forever can be a little bit difficult, especially when it's hard to relate with with anyone around you, right?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Which is you and your coach.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I've experienced.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I think for some people who don't have the inner circle yet, right?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like as of right now, Listen, outside of coaching relationships, you have an inner circle of guys that hold you accountable to the things that you say are important to you.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, for some people who they haven't been willing to open up enough yet to even have the inner circle.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so some of them will feel embarrassed.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, the person who knows me the best is my therapist, the person who knows me the best is my coach.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: And how bad how sad is that?
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's not sad, it's practice.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm preparing you to go build this inner circle so that you can walk away from this coaching, having your life's board of directors, having other people who are doing big, amazing, impressive things that just light you up for them, with them, along with them, and with yourself.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what's interesting is that as I've personally continued to, I don't want to say elevate because that sounds uh super self-important, but just have higher visibility publicly, like have a higher public persona.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: There are more people who are trying to insert themselves into the inner circle because you're like, hey, well, what does it look like to be one of your guys?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: Be in the inner circle.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: And for the majority of them, I just say, hey, you're not ready for that yet.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can just tell you right now, you're you're not.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because you think it just means being a friend to me, like being friendly.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: And how much of that is they think it's just gonna unlock something for them?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like the silver bullet.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: I get in a circle, like then I'll be enlightened, whatever.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it usually means that like they're looking for mentorship, but they think that they've got their own value to provide.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: And there's nothing wrong with them wanting that, but I can tell you, the guys who are in my inner circle, they are just as critical of like, this is what I committed to.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: Here are the things that we care about.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I don't care about you acting perfect all the time, but I do care about you collecting the data.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: So when you do sleep in, it's not, hey, oh man, you're you're out of the circle because you weren't perfect.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's hey, what did you notice?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: What data did you collect?
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, what were the stories that you heard?
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, what was the justification that you had?
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: I hold myself accountable to the data, and we're gonna celebrate the collection of the data.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna celebrate the curiosity.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: And some people are like, Man, I don't, I don't want to do that.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why, that's why you're not in my inner circle because I need other people who are saying, Hey man, I just want to let you know, here's something that came up for me, blew my mind, crushed me, in fact.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna weep talking about it.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: You willing to come sit with me in that?
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, brother.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: I want that.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what's interesting is as you become a coach, you do have to start to have some expectations for who's in my inner circle, who's my wider community, right?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then who's who are the people that I go speak to in the broad masses?
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something that Alex and I have kind of gone back and forth on.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's a scenario, there's a time and place where you don't air all of your dirty laundry for the infinite internet, right?
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm dealing with a wound actively right now, I'm not gonna go share that in real time with the entire world.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna share that with my inner circle.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: And like him and I like honestly kind of go back and forth on whether you should just, you know, air it to the entire world.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: But I would argue that there's some benefit to hey, speak from your scars, not from your wounds, right?
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like speak to like some of that, but then having that inner circle of hey man, I'm not all good.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, this is what I'm going through.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm struggling with this right now.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not inauthentic for you to be able to speak to what your message is, who you're messaging to, versus hey, those private moments.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, for me, yes, my wife is part of that inner circle, obviously, but I also have other men who are not my wife that are part of that inner circle.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think building that, building a pipeline.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: If if I don't have my inner three right now, I need to go create a pipeline of 10 potentials to inevitably whittle them down to three.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: How can I start chipping away at who's gonna be in my inner three inevitably?
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because right now you don't have that.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: They're not just gonna magically show up because you wish it so.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, I've been on a huge box around that.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to just hear from you.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a huge transition from okay, sales rep doing an inner journey to now you've quit your corporate job, you're going all in on coaching.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: I think I heard that you are also doing some work with the Alluviance team as well.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: What has that been like on now putting that hat on, making that transition?
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's really forced me to embrace me in a beginner again and certain things, which is funny because I look back on that and I used to be super scared of that because my perfectionist cap or mask or whatever you want to call it would come online and it's like it would literally halt me to just analysis paralysis almost of just like I gotta have all these things in line, I gotta understand the blueprint before I take any action.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a moment recently where I was like, you know what?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of fun to stuck at something again.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I've just been embracing that.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, the more that I've embraced that has just been like made the journey obviously just more enjoyable.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think also just made me more open-minded to being like, it's okay to be a beginner and just it's kind of fun to relearn things again and to put them on a different cap.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that for me is just the fuck do I write on LinkedIn?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: How do I think about marketing?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: How do I sell myself versus something that has like a widget and a feature and all these different things?
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: And like again, it's like it doesn't happen overnight, but it's also not like rocket science.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: I still have a good like baseline of what I've learned in tech sales, which was great.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was been the the biggest journey, or just like kind of where I'm at now.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um I can't remember the exact question, but it's been fun.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: And um I've had to work through a lot of different what do you call it shadows?
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: People familiar with like parts work, shadow work, shadows that kind of show up within that process.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: And for me personally, it was like this idea of like a scarcity mindset of just like I don't have money coming in anymore.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: And what does that mean for me?
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: And for someone who is frankly trying to find the right partner, what does that mean in my dating life?
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: How do I show up as a male?
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not actually providing, like, is that gonna be perceived negatively?
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're just unraveling all of these different identity identity uh metrics and looking at that, and uh I think it's just okay to say those are just stories, they actually don't have any meaning.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I think the culmination of what we're talking about here is as you tap more into your essence and the energy you're trying to bring into the world, that is ultimately, for example, what a partner is gonna latch on to.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is money and all those things nice?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: But like if they're really just putting that on a pedestal, that's probably not who you want to be with anyway.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, as again, you just get more curious and you start to get more discernment with the things that are popping up and asking them more questions and starting to break it down.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where are they coming from and the where's the route?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: You actually can get to the answer a lot quicker, and then you're like, oh, I'm good.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're good.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna keep going, keep knocking on that door.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, okay.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that resonated with me is going from selling software, selling technology to now all of a sudden I'm selling myself.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: And new or even old patterns are showing back up again because now it's like, hey, you're not saying no to my company's tech, which I'm actually have no emotional association with, and it's monopoly money and it's funny money.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Now all of a sudden I'm charging five grand for this thing.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I used to close millions of dollar deals, and like, what's a five million dollar contract?
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's nothing, it's monopoly money, it's all funny money, it's all ethereal, none of it matters.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm selling myself.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: I need you to like me.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: I need you to believe that I'm capable of this thing, and old patterns start to come up again.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think that part when you say, Hey, it's okay that this is hard.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, it's okay that I'm I suck at this.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I think some people would disagree, like, no, you can't think like that.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I could say, hey, objectively, I'm not good at running a coaching business.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Here are the metrics, objective metrics that says I'm not good at running a coaching business yet.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you still make money.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Also, that and it could be better, it could, it could improve.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, exactly.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that what we wanted the whole time?
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: For 100%.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Just to be conscientious of time.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: I do have to land this plane for us.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wilson, brother, for that person who's like raising their hand now, wonder what a conversation would look like.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_01: Where can people find you so they can have that conversation?
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: They can find me on my LinkedIn right now.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll share that link with Ian, and I'm sure he can share it in the description.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's a link to my website there, and also a link there to book an appointment with me.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you feel called, would love a follow.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're always looking to obviously build the network and build the community.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, main source right now would be LinkedIn, but there will be more channels, more social media channels, more things to come as we continue to build.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, brother, I will make sure to attach all of those things in the show notes as you get more details for the podcasts and all those other different uh platforms.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: We'll include that as well.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: But brother, appreciate you for the time today.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: Really excited for the impact that you're going to have.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, both of us being in the coaching world, it can get easy to get stuck in that scarcity mindset that hey, don't, Ian, don't you do that?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: And like I'm the only person, or that there aren't things that Wilson can do that I'm very well, like, I'll probably be referring people to you because they're gonna be a better fit for you than they are for me.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And the beauty of that is like that actually continues to do more for the world.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: But brother, I appreciate you.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: So thankful for you.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: Likewise, uh for everybody listening.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me on.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.