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Transcript

#1992 Building Confidence - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: I got Adia, Bloody Champions. Welcome to another instorm with
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Speaker 1: the you project. It's him with the slightly froggy voice. Still,
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Speaker 1: but I'm improving. Please tell me I'm improving. I've been
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Speaker 1: Barry White, Barry White. If you don't know who Barry
0:13
Speaker 1: White is, look him up a I think he's the
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Speaker 1: late Great. I'm pretty sure he's not with us anymore.
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Speaker 1: God bless his little socks. Amazing singer and an incredible voice,
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Speaker 1: which mine isn't. But lately I've been sounding a little
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Speaker 1: bit like his talking voice, not his singing voice. I
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Speaker 1: hope you well. I hope you're enjoying your week. It
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Speaker 1: is Sunday, it's around lunch time here in the thriving metropolis,
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Speaker 1: and I was having a chat with somebody on Friday
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Speaker 1: about their struggle with confidence, or I guess their lack
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Speaker 1: of confidence. So I thought, well, that's something that's pertinent
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Speaker 1: to all of us at some stage, whether it's in relationships,
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Speaker 1: or whether or not at school, or whether or not
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Speaker 1: it's in work, or whether or not it's in socializing,
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Speaker 1: being out and about trying to interact with others and
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Speaker 1: connect and build rapport and not feel too weird. And
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Speaker 1: not seem too weird, or whether or not it's trying
1:11
Speaker 1: to get a raise or a new job, or whether
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Speaker 1: it's trying to develop a skill or to master something
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Speaker 1: that might make our life better or more fun. So
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Speaker 1: I thought I would talk about that. I've definitely struggled
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Speaker 1: with people not pick it, but I've struggled with confidence
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Speaker 1: doing certain things throughout my life, and times when I
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Speaker 1: felt overwhelmed and in adequates and not good enough and
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Speaker 1: all of those things that we all feel right. So
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Speaker 1: I'm not a special case. There's no newsflash in any
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Speaker 1: of this. But I'm of the belief that many people
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Speaker 1: don't succeed because two things I talk about one all
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Speaker 1: the time is what we think of us. So not
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Speaker 1: so much our actual potential or ability or capacity to succeed,
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Speaker 1: or our genetics or resources or time or opportunities or
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Speaker 1: even energy, but rather how we see ourselves. That is,
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Speaker 1: we put limitations on ourselves. We tell ourself stories about us,
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Speaker 1: and those stories are mostly self limiting beliefs based on
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Speaker 1: often based on nothing, usually out of fear. And the
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Speaker 1: thing that I'm talking about today that also holds us
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Speaker 1: back is just a lack of confidence self belief, a
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Speaker 1: lack of truly believing that we have the capacity to
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Speaker 1: be able to do something amazing and special and to
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Speaker 1: succeed and to optimize whatever it is that we have
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Speaker 1: to work with. So this won't be long. I want
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Speaker 1: to share with you just some fundamentals that have worked
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Speaker 1: for me. So these are all out of muskon, all
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Speaker 1: out of my little bonce things that have worked for me,
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Speaker 1: the person who isn't naturally gifted and talented. And I
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Speaker 1: don't say that so that someone's going to go, oh,
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Speaker 1: but you are. I truly know that about me. Now
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Speaker 1: that's not to say I have no talent, or I
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Speaker 1: have terrible genetics or I don't have any but it's
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Speaker 1: not that. It's just to say that, you know, my genetics,
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Speaker 1: my academic ability, my creativity, my intellect, all of the
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Speaker 1: things that are kind of the variables or some of
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Speaker 1: the variables that determine, you know, how well we go
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Speaker 1: at this thing that we call life. There's a lot
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Speaker 1: more things, of course, but I didn't have a running
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Speaker 1: start at it. And not only was I not gifted
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Speaker 1: in that things came easily. But then once you start
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Speaker 1: to fail, and once you start to get a few labels,
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Speaker 1: and once you have some shitty experiences, and once you
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Speaker 1: feel a little bit of social and emotional and mental pain,
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Speaker 1: then you're like, wow, that's true. I am fucking terrible.
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Speaker 1: Oh look all the Not only do I think that
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Speaker 1: and of experience, but now the feedback is that the data,
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Speaker 1: the evidence is there and it's not really but it
4:15
Speaker 1: well sometimes it is. But all that means when I'm
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Speaker 1: looking back at the things that I fucked up or
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Speaker 1: didn't do well at or didn't thrive at, it was
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Speaker 1: just because I hadn't got there yet. And obviously there
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Speaker 1: are things that I could never do. I just didn't
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Speaker 1: have the actual ability and potential and genetics like around
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Speaker 1: one hundred meters in ten seconds, become you know, a
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Speaker 1: world famous singer, become you know a lot of things whatever.
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Speaker 1: But looking back at the things that I thought I
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Speaker 1: couldn't do, most of the things that I thought I
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Speaker 1: couldn't do, I actually could. It just was going to
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Speaker 1: take work and effort and pain and consistency and resilience
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Speaker 1: and courage. And so these are the things I believe
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Speaker 1: that get in the way more than our lack of
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Speaker 1: ability or potential or possibilities So for me, it's always
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Speaker 1: been developing confidence by doing. By doing, It's been in
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Speaker 1: the doing for me and for most people that I've
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Speaker 1: worked with, it's been when they lack confidence or self belief,
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Speaker 1: and then we get them to do something. We plan
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Speaker 1: something together, we create a plan, we timeline it, we
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Speaker 1: execute it. They get some little results, they get a
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Speaker 1: couple of failures, they get some positive, a little negative,
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Speaker 1: another positive. Over time we build up where we're starting
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Speaker 1: to get some wins on the board. And in the
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Speaker 1: middle of the peaks and the troughs, the highs and
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Speaker 1: the lows, the failures and the successes, they're becoming a
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Speaker 1: different person. So they are not only they becoming more
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Speaker 1: capable and comfortable in the middle of failure and let
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Speaker 1: down and disappointment and emotional and psychological pain, because they
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Speaker 1: start to realize, well, that's just fucking part of the deal.
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Speaker 1: That's what we deal with. That's what happens when you're
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Speaker 1: trying to do something. That's what happens when you're closer
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Speaker 1: to the regular end of the scale than the superstar
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Speaker 1: end of the scale. So I want to share with
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Speaker 1: you what is it I think to eight things that
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Speaker 1: have been really important for me. And look, there's no
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Speaker 1: there's no magic in this. But this is broadly true
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Speaker 1: for personal development and self help and human behavior and psychology,
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Speaker 1: is that there's not a lot of magic in it.
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Speaker 1: And sometimes the problem is that we spend so long
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Speaker 1: looking for the quick fix, the magic pill, the magic potion,
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Speaker 1: the how do how do I get three years worth
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Speaker 1: of results in three months that we kind of want
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Speaker 1: to side step the work and side step the practical
6:53
Speaker 1: stuff and side step to doing. But it's in the
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Speaker 1: work and the practical stuff, and it's in the doing
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Speaker 1: we actually become the person that we need to become
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Speaker 1: to be able to execute all the shit that we
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Speaker 1: want to execute to create the outcomes and the successes
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Speaker 1: that we want. So Number one on my list is
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Speaker 1: do the reps. Do the reps. Just fucking roll up
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Speaker 1: your sleeves and start. Of course you'll fail. Of course
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Speaker 1: you'll look silly, feel silly. That's okay. Do the reps.
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Speaker 1: Keep doing the reps, do them as well as you
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Speaker 1: can do them, as light as you need to. I'm
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Speaker 1: talking about literal reps and metaphoric reps. Of course, do
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Speaker 1: lots of them. You cannot get good at what you
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Speaker 1: won't do. So the starting point for you for many
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Speaker 1: things that you will do will be that you might
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Speaker 1: be a one out of ten, you might be a
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Speaker 1: zero point five out of ten. Well guess what. You
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Speaker 1: can never become a two by avoiding what's required for
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Speaker 1: growth or improvement or development. So cool, start at a one,
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Speaker 1: Start at one, see what happens. And I've given you
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Speaker 1: all the metaphors before about black belts and white belts,
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Speaker 1: but literally, what I love about that kind of grading
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Speaker 1: system is that it teaches us that we come into
8:07
Speaker 1: that environment, that situation, that skill that we're trying to develop,
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Speaker 1: We come into that, you know, almost like a blank
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Speaker 1: canvas that's got no paint on it yet, and we
8:19
Speaker 1: don't know how to paint. We don't know how to
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Speaker 1: know how to do a kick or a punch or
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Speaker 1: a renaked choke. We don't. So we get on the
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Speaker 1: mat with our white belt. We get on the mat
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Speaker 1: being a zero point five or a one out of ten,
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Speaker 1: and we immerse ourselves in that place where we're going
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Speaker 1: to do the reps. We're going to just keep showing
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Speaker 1: up and people are going to be better than us.
8:40
Speaker 1: People are going to be better than us. At that skill,
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Speaker 1: at that thing, whether it's singing, whether it's dancing, whether
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Speaker 1: it's understanding the PhD journey. Like for me, when I started,
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Speaker 1: everyone around me was way more developed, way down the
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Speaker 1: tunnel for the academic journey tunnel then I was. But
9:01
Speaker 1: guess what, Hopefully the only way I could go was
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Speaker 1: up because I was so inadequate. But isn't it great
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Speaker 1: when you are around people that have skills and knowledge
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Speaker 1: and experience and strength and understanding and insight that you
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Speaker 1: don't have, and now you spend time with them. Now
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Speaker 1: you start to learn the language. Now you start to
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Speaker 1: learn the energy and the culture and the vibe and
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Speaker 1: the process, and you start to develop because you're doing
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Speaker 1: the reps and you're just showing up. So just show up,
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Speaker 1: Just show up. You've all been bored with my rambling about,
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Speaker 1: you know, the six hundred episodes I did on this show,
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Speaker 1: which you know I lost money on. But I thought that, well,
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Speaker 1: I wasn't positive, but I genuinely thought that this show
9:49
Speaker 1: had potential. I thought that one day we're going to
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Speaker 1: get good sponsors, and not only will it be you know,
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Speaker 1: and exercising creativity and hopefully helping people and growth and
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Speaker 1: all of those things for me and enjoy it has
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Speaker 1: always given me joy, but also it would be something
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Speaker 1: that could be commercially viable. So I did the reps
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Speaker 1: for six hundred shows. I kept showing up, I kept
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Speaker 1: doing my research. I kept learning, I kept unlearning, I
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Speaker 1: kept paying attention. I kept sucking up, falling down, getting
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Speaker 1: back up, looking at other great podcast as, other great
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Speaker 1: communicators are the great interviewers, and just rocking up and
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Speaker 1: put my face in front of this fucking microphone that's
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Speaker 1: here right now, and eventually, eventually I got okay at it,
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Speaker 1: and eventually I'll leave the judgment up to you, but
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Speaker 1: not bad at it. But I couldn't. I couldn't even
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Speaker 1: get three out of ten at it if I didn't
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Speaker 1: sit down being a one. And that's where I started,
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Speaker 1: and that's where you start, So do the reps. My
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Speaker 1: next one is kind of similar, and that is put
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Speaker 1: yourself in the game. So get yourself in the space.
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Speaker 1: Like I said with me at UNI, I knew I
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Speaker 1: was going to be out of my depth when I
11:01
Speaker 1: started at fifty six doing a PhD. And literally everyone
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Speaker 1: was probably on average thirty years younger than me. I
11:07
Speaker 1: knew that energetically, that academically, that linguistically, that practically. I
11:13
Speaker 1: knew that I would be way behind the starting point
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Speaker 1: for even a normal, regular day one PhD candidate, because
11:26
Speaker 1: I was coming from far back. I hadn't studied at
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Speaker 1: university for nearly twenty years, you know, and think about
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Speaker 1: the work that people do and the things that people
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Speaker 1: do over time that came out of them showing up somewhere,
11:43
Speaker 1: putting themselves in the room, getting in the room for
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Speaker 1: the first time. Now, I don't know how many people
11:49
Speaker 1: I've had say to me, either coming into my gym's
11:54
Speaker 1: when I owned gyms, or just out about talking. I
11:57
Speaker 1: want to be here or i want to get to
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Speaker 1: the gym, but I'm terrified. I'm scared. I'm embarrassed of
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Speaker 1: how I look. I'm embarrassed of what people think about
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Speaker 1: me or say about me. I'm intimidated. I'm this and
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Speaker 1: this and this, and they wheel off ten reasons why
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Speaker 1: they're not going, and I understand all of that, and
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Speaker 1: they have my sympathy and empathy. And I remember being
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Speaker 1: horribly out of shape and humiliated and embarrassed and hated
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Speaker 1: people looking at me. So I'm speaking experientially and personally,
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Speaker 1: not just theoretically. Do I understand it, but I fucking
12:37
Speaker 1: understand it. But how do you get comfortable in a gym?
12:42
Speaker 1: How do you learn to train effectively? How do you
12:45
Speaker 1: build confidence in a gym? We can't build confidence in
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Speaker 1: a gym or any environment similar to that, any workout
12:52
Speaker 1: or training environment, if you're never in the fucking environment,
12:56
Speaker 1: if you never go to the gym or the pool
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Speaker 1: or the running track or the CrossFit box or the
13:01
Speaker 1: class or whatever it is. There needs to be a
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Speaker 1: moment in time, and it could be a job interview
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Speaker 1: and you know you're not going to get the job,
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Speaker 1: and you know that you're terrible at interviews, You know
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Speaker 1: that you lack confidence, you know that you just don't
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Speaker 1: have the experience or the skills, and maybe you're naturally
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Speaker 1: anxious in all of those things. And yes, understand, I understand,
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Speaker 1: tick tick tick, But guess what. You can get good
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Speaker 1: at interviews. You can get good at interviews. You can
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Speaker 1: apply for the job, you can get your bum on
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Speaker 1: the seat, you can sit in front of the people
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Speaker 1: that are going to chat with you. You can even go
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Speaker 1: in saying look, this is probably not going to happen,
13:40
Speaker 1: but I'm here to have an experience, and every time
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Speaker 1: you have an experience, you learn something. Every time you
13:44
Speaker 1: have an experience, there's an opportunity for you to grow
13:47
Speaker 1: and gain insight, to become better at that thing that
13:50
Speaker 1: you're not currently good at, for you to be able
13:52
Speaker 1: to go in the room and instead instead of having
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Speaker 1: minus three out of ten confidence you walk in the room,
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Speaker 1: you've got two or three now, and then you've got four,
14:01
Speaker 1: and then you've got five, and then over time you
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Speaker 1: build confidence. You understand yourself in that environment more, you
14:07
Speaker 1: understand the process, you understand what the people are looking
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Speaker 1: for and who they're looking for, and you can build
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Speaker 1: that kind of resilience. You can build that kind of
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Speaker 1: knowledge and understanding and skill because you're putting yourself in
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Speaker 1: the room. You're getting in the room in front of people,
14:24
Speaker 1: and we go into that knowing or at least accepting
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Speaker 1: the possibility. This might take me fifty attempts, this might
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Speaker 1: take me less, it might take me more. I'm not
14:37
Speaker 1: going to count it off like that, but it might
14:41
Speaker 1: take a while, and that's okay. My next confidence builder
14:44
Speaker 1: is also not mind blowing, also not revolutionary, but it
14:48
Speaker 1: is set ridiculously achievable micro goals like set little goals
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Speaker 1: that are pushing you, moving you building confidence for the
15:01
Speaker 1: biggest stuff. Set something that you know you can reasonably do.
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Speaker 1: So that might be whatever in today's meeting, I'm going
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Speaker 1: to ask a question. I'm not going to ask ten questions.
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Speaker 1: I'm not going to pull the microphone out of anybody's hand.
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Speaker 1: Each time we do that, we get a little hit
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Speaker 1: of dopamine that reinforces self belief. Every time we do
15:24
Speaker 1: something that we haven't done and we don't capitulate and
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Speaker 1: people don't laugh at us, and we didn't fuck anything up.
15:30
Speaker 1: Maybe we didn't create any revolutionary kind of transformation within
15:34
Speaker 1: the company, but you know, we asked something, or we
15:36
Speaker 1: said something, or we gave a little bit of feedback,
15:39
Speaker 1: or it might be you know, you're petrified of talking.
15:42
Speaker 1: Is stranger? It's cool. Just smile at someone today, say
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Speaker 1: a lo to someone today, have a good morning, have
15:47
Speaker 1: a good night, thank you for holding the door for me,
15:49
Speaker 1: or let me get the door for you, or whatever.
15:51
Speaker 1: It is just doing something that is un you. You
15:55
Speaker 1: want to build confidence around others, doesn't mean you want
15:58
Speaker 1: to be a public speaker, does mean you need to
16:00
Speaker 1: hog the limelight doesn't mean you need to be an extrovert.
16:05
Speaker 1: But when we set little achievable goals. You know, the
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Speaker 1: person who wants to run a marathon and they're in
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Speaker 1: no kind of shape to run a kilometer, let alone
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Speaker 1: a marathon, it would be very understandable for them to go, well,
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Speaker 1: look at me, as if I could run a marathon
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Speaker 1: and I get it right now, zero chance right now.
16:25
Speaker 1: But let's not worry about running a marathon right now.
16:28
Speaker 1: Let's worry about getting a kilometer of movement in today.
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Speaker 1: Could you walk a kilometer today? You know, in that
16:37
Speaker 1: body that ain't built for running yet, could you walk?
16:41
Speaker 1: Could you reduce your calories by thirty percent? Could you
16:45
Speaker 1: change the kind of energy equation in and out? Could
16:49
Speaker 1: you change that a little bit? Do you think over
16:52
Speaker 1: a month that you could go from walking a kilometer
16:54
Speaker 1: a day to maybe three and maybe in that month
16:58
Speaker 1: you might lose some kill, which is going to help
17:01
Speaker 1: you move even better. Do you think that maybe over
17:04
Speaker 1: I don't know, three months, you might start to do
17:07
Speaker 1: some jogging, and over time you might do more jogging
17:10
Speaker 1: and less walking, and then eventually you might do a
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Speaker 1: five k job. Because also in that timeframe, you've lost
17:17
Speaker 1: ten or fifteen or twenty k's. And so this is
17:20
Speaker 1: the beauty of setting small goals or micro goals that
17:24
Speaker 1: we can achieve. We're not being unrealistic, we're not beating
17:28
Speaker 1: ourselves up, we're not trying to be the alpha in
17:31
Speaker 1: the group where we're not. We're trying to build competence
17:36
Speaker 1: and confidence and skill in this example, and fitness that
17:41
Speaker 1: can help us do a task down the track that
17:44
Speaker 1: right now we couldn't even dream of doing. But if
17:48
Speaker 1: we don't start on the micro goals, the small goals,
17:51
Speaker 1: we don't start on the walking, we don't start on
17:53
Speaker 1: the improving the movement, we don't start on that, then
17:57
Speaker 1: we never get to do the marathon or the metaphoric marathon,
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Speaker 1: whatever that represents to you. So just start with something
18:05
Speaker 1: and every day, my advice is there. Every day tick
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Speaker 1: something off and as much as you can make it
18:12
Speaker 1: progressive over time. Today I walked two thousand steps in
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Speaker 1: my phone. Your phone has a tracker, of course, and
18:22
Speaker 1: tomorrow I'm going to do twenty two hundred steps, and
18:25
Speaker 1: the end of the month, I'm going to be doing
18:26
Speaker 1: three thousand steps or whatever it is. But that ability
18:30
Speaker 1: to be able to go Okay, this is going to
18:32
Speaker 1: be solid for me, but not impossible. So I'm going
18:34
Speaker 1: to do that. So micro goals. My next one is
18:39
Speaker 1: be courageous enough enough to fail, and we don't want
18:44
Speaker 1: to fail. The failure is part of life, depending on
18:47
Speaker 1: how you frame it, and we can reframe failure into oh,
18:51
Speaker 1: it's a lesson, it's an experience, it's a moment in time.
18:54
Speaker 1: We can do all that. I get all of that,
18:57
Speaker 1: but the bottom line is we're going to fuck up.
18:59
Speaker 1: That's the bottom line. The bottom line is you and
19:02
Speaker 1: I will fail at things. That's the bottom line. Doesn't
19:05
Speaker 1: matter what kind of ribbon you want to put on it,
19:07
Speaker 1: but you and I know what's going on. I tried
19:09
Speaker 1: to think I failed. Cool. It is also, or it
19:12
Speaker 1: can be also a lesson. It can be a competence
19:15
Speaker 1: and a confidence builder. Funnily enough, it can help us
19:19
Speaker 1: build resilience and understanding and even momentum because we're doing it.
19:24
Speaker 1: We're doing it. We're okay to be embarrassed, to look silly,
19:28
Speaker 1: to experience some social and emotional discomfort, and to learn
19:36
Speaker 1: from our fuck ups and to learn from our negative
19:38
Speaker 1: outcomes and go great. I tried this. It didn't work,
19:41
Speaker 1: but I did it. But I didn't get the time
19:43
Speaker 1: I want or exactly the outcome I want. But I
19:45
Speaker 1: went through the process. How can I change my process?
19:49
Speaker 1: How could I manipulate the variables to do better? What
19:51
Speaker 1: do I need to do more of and less of?
19:55
Speaker 1: What are the key takeaways from this experience? What is
20:00
Speaker 1: what is the experience? And what are my outcomes telling me?
20:05
Speaker 1: And also, you might have you might have an external person.
20:10
Speaker 1: You might have a coach, you might have a mentor,
20:11
Speaker 1: you might have what I call an unreasonable friend. You know,
20:13
Speaker 1: someone who tells you what you need to hear, not
20:15
Speaker 1: what makes you comfortable. You might have one of those
20:17
Speaker 1: motherfucker's floating around and they'll give you some feedback. And
20:21
Speaker 1: it's your job and my job to be big enough
20:24
Speaker 1: and brave enough as long as the feedback is feedback,
20:27
Speaker 1: not criticism, not hate, but actual feedback from someone who
20:30
Speaker 1: knows you and loves you, and someone who can give
20:33
Speaker 1: you some measured analysis that could be valuable if you
20:38
Speaker 1: do something with it. So be courageous enough to fail
20:43
Speaker 1: to fall down, to look silly, to go through some
20:46
Speaker 1: social and emotional discomfort, to disappoint yourself or even others.
20:51
Speaker 1: This is also, you know, part of life. And when
20:55
Speaker 1: we are so fucking determined to stay comfortable, to stay safe,
21:02
Speaker 1: to stay in the middle of all things familiar and predictable,
21:08
Speaker 1: we're just building for ourselves at jail, an emotional and
21:13
Speaker 1: psychological and developmental jail that keeps us trapped. I would
21:19
Speaker 1: rather fail ten times than do nothing. I truly would,
21:25
Speaker 1: because I know good things are going to come out
21:27
Speaker 1: of those ten efforts that I made. My next one
21:32
Speaker 1: is practice prep, preparation, and be patient. Practice prep and
21:40
Speaker 1: be patient. Some things just take a long time to
21:44
Speaker 1: take a while. I wanted to work in radio. I
21:48
Speaker 1: did a few radio interviews when I was younger. I
21:51
Speaker 1: enjoyed at commercial radio, got on a few times, got
21:55
Speaker 1: told that I might do all right on radio, and
21:59
Speaker 1: I needed to somehow build some skills and confidence and
22:03
Speaker 1: competence and basically get some time on the mic. It's
22:08
Speaker 1: not like you can just walk into Triple M or
22:11
Speaker 1: Fox FM or NOVERA or whoever and go, hey, I
22:16
Speaker 1: think I'll be good at radio. I know, and guess
22:19
Speaker 1: what I'm available. How lucky are you? No? That doesn't work,
22:23
Speaker 1: of course, that doesn't work. So what I did was
22:27
Speaker 1: I went and spent about six to seven years on
22:31
Speaker 1: two different community radio stations, and I did a weekly gig.
22:37
Speaker 1: So what's that fifty weeks of the year give will take,
22:40
Speaker 1: let's say seven, that's three hundred and fifty years. At
22:43
Speaker 1: three hundred and fifty times I worked in radio. Where
22:47
Speaker 1: I was I was also producing, which means I was
22:52
Speaker 1: at times anyway, I was actually most of the time
22:55
Speaker 1: I was pushing the buttons. I was taking us out
22:58
Speaker 1: of a talk set into music or ads or whatever
23:02
Speaker 1: it was. I was coming back. I was doing time
23:04
Speaker 1: checks where the checks station id all of that welcome back,
23:08
Speaker 1: it's blah blah blah. You know. I was doing all
23:11
Speaker 1: of that, and I developed all of this understanding and
23:13
Speaker 1: knowledge and skills. And so when I finally got a
23:18
Speaker 1: job on what is Whilst going to say what was
23:22
Speaker 1: then it still is sen which is Melbourne's home of sport,
23:25
Speaker 1: and all of these things Australia is now, I think
23:27
Speaker 1: they're all around Australia. But I already had a lot
23:30
Speaker 1: of time talking to people, doing interviews, pushing the buttons,
23:38
Speaker 1: understanding how it works, timing, situational awareness, and I wasn't
23:44
Speaker 1: brilliant at all. But when I started on community radio,
23:49
Speaker 1: I was a one. And by the time I by
23:53
Speaker 1: the time I got onto commercial radio, I'd already had
23:57
Speaker 1: a lot relative but quite a lot of experience, and
24:02
Speaker 1: I would say it was probably a five or six
24:04
Speaker 1: or for my capacity, my ability. I was maybe a five,
24:07
Speaker 1: six or seven before I did my first commercial gig,
24:10
Speaker 1: before I got paid, before I was working in commercial radio.
24:14
Speaker 1: But that wouldn't have happened. That would never had happened
24:17
Speaker 1: had I not done you know, it didn't need to
24:20
Speaker 1: be six years or seven years, I guess, but had
24:23
Speaker 1: I not done at least a significant amount of practice
24:26
Speaker 1: and preparation and been patient in the middle of that,
24:31
Speaker 1: we you know, sometimes we want to get somewhere that's
24:35
Speaker 1: going to take probably for the typical per average person,
24:38
Speaker 1: you know, three or four years. And that's not being
24:41
Speaker 1: negative or that's not belittling anyone, but probably the average
24:44
Speaker 1: time between where you are now in that position that
24:47
Speaker 1: you want to be in, or the skill set you
24:49
Speaker 1: want to have, or that brand that you want to build,
24:51
Speaker 1: it might take three or four years. That might take
24:53
Speaker 1: five years, right, But if you're a person who goes yeah,
24:57
Speaker 1: I want to be there, but I want to be
24:58
Speaker 1: there in three months without trying to rain on your parade.
25:04
Speaker 1: Do everything that you can to get there in three months.
25:06
Speaker 1: And if you get there in three months, you're much
25:08
Speaker 1: better than me and well done. But also let's be
25:12
Speaker 1: realistic and practical and say this could take a while.
25:16
Speaker 1: So when I finally get the opportunity or get in
25:19
Speaker 1: that position, i've created that thing. Or what are the
25:22
Speaker 1: skills and qualities and attributes that I need to have
25:25
Speaker 1: so I can just press the trigger? What do I
25:28
Speaker 1: need to learn now? What do I need to understand now?
25:31
Speaker 1: What do I need to get better at? Now? What
25:33
Speaker 1: do I need to explore? Now? What doors do I
25:36
Speaker 1: try and open? Now? How can I get myself in
25:40
Speaker 1: my example, on air any air fucking four people listening,
25:44
Speaker 1: don't care. I just want to be doing a version
25:48
Speaker 1: of radio so that I can go and do proper
25:50
Speaker 1: radio inverted commas down the track. Three to go. My
25:56
Speaker 1: third last one is talk to people who are succeeding
25:58
Speaker 1: in the space that you want to succeed. So talking
26:00
Speaker 1: to people, talk to people who are already good at
26:02
Speaker 1: what you want to be good at, and be polite
26:06
Speaker 1: and be humble and be grateful and be gracious. Not
26:09
Speaker 1: everybody wants to help you, of course, I dare say
26:13
Speaker 1: a lot of people, especially if they're already successful, you know,
26:17
Speaker 1: might not be bursting out of their skin to donate
26:19
Speaker 1: their time and knowledge and energy to you. I understand that.
26:24
Speaker 1: But even if you can grab five minutes of someone's
26:28
Speaker 1: time who's doing what you want to do at a
26:30
Speaker 1: high level, or even if you want to pay for
26:33
Speaker 1: a coaching session, if that's possible with that person. Sometimes
26:38
Speaker 1: I think sometimes finding the right person to talk to
26:41
Speaker 1: for one hour, it can be life changing, or it
26:45
Speaker 1: can be direction changing, it can be cognitively empowering, where
26:55
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you realize, well, maybe I'm not
26:57
Speaker 1: as far away as I thought, or maybe I inherently
27:00
Speaker 1: knew three or four of those things, or I had
27:03
Speaker 1: no fucking idea. But he or she has just turned
27:06
Speaker 1: on a light for me. So I'm always when I
27:10
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to talk to somebody who is successful
27:13
Speaker 1: in any field, and even people who are still on
27:17
Speaker 1: the journey, of course, But for me, when I find
27:19
Speaker 1: somebody who's doing something amazing, like when I spoke to
27:23
Speaker 1: Mark Randolph, who created Netflix. I couldn't believe I'm talking
27:28
Speaker 1: to the guy who created Netflix. I couldn't believe that
27:31
Speaker 1: I've got an hour with the guy who created this
27:36
Speaker 1: phenomenon that's all over the world. And I treasured that.
27:43
Speaker 1: I've listened to that three or four times since. I
27:46
Speaker 1: treasured that time being able to not only was he
27:49
Speaker 1: a good guy, and not only was he a good storyteller,
27:54
Speaker 1: and I love the way he thought. But for me,
27:56
Speaker 1: on a selfish hands in the air, fully admitted, on
28:00
Speaker 1: a selfish level, oh my god, I could never get
28:03
Speaker 1: to talk to that dude, Just Craig harp of the
28:06
Speaker 1: bloke that lives in Melbourne. He's not getting to talk
28:08
Speaker 1: to the guy who built created Netflix. He's not getting
28:13
Speaker 1: to talk to a billionaire about how he does shit
28:15
Speaker 1: and how he works and how he thinks and how
28:18
Speaker 1: he learns and how he've for me amazing. So find
28:23
Speaker 1: your own Mark Randolph, for Marianne Randolph, for whoever it is,
28:29
Speaker 1: and see if you can spend some time with them,
28:32
Speaker 1: or even if it is listening to as you're doing
28:36
Speaker 1: right now. And I'm not talking about mine necessarily, but
28:39
Speaker 1: you know, there are some brilliant podcasts and educators and
28:44
Speaker 1: human development specialists and self help and all that kind
28:49
Speaker 1: of human behavior stuff. And there's a lot of shit.
28:52
Speaker 1: There's a huge amount of shit. But if you can
28:55
Speaker 1: filter through the shit and you can find some of
28:57
Speaker 1: the good people, they can become a mentor to you.
29:03
Speaker 1: They can become a mentor that you never meet. But
29:07
Speaker 1: the beauty of it is you're still listening to the
29:10
Speaker 1: person share the wisdom. And what I love about you
29:15
Speaker 1: know this medium is that there is no hurry there.
29:20
Speaker 1: You know, most people do podcasts are not getting paid.
29:25
Speaker 1: I've never paid one guest. They don't get paid. They
29:29
Speaker 1: just are happy to be on. Or maybe they want
29:31
Speaker 1: to promote a book, or maybe they want to I
29:33
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe there's a slight agenda, but I can
29:36
Speaker 1: good on them. Good on them. But anyway, plug into
29:40
Speaker 1: somebody who might be able to help you, who might
29:44
Speaker 1: open the door to give you some insight and understanding
29:46
Speaker 1: and awareness and maybe even a little bit of confidence
29:50
Speaker 1: that you might not have had unless you intersected with them.
29:54
Speaker 1: To go, second last one? How many are there? Let
29:57
Speaker 1: me see three six England, three six eight eight. Take
30:04
Speaker 1: a long time, haven't I? Second last one? So number
30:07
Speaker 1: seven is choose the narrow path. What does that mean?
30:10
Speaker 1: I've kind of covered a bit, but it basically means
30:12
Speaker 1: do what most won't like If you want to achieve
30:15
Speaker 1: what most people won't, and I don't mean for the
30:17
Speaker 1: sake of being weird, but if you want to become
30:20
Speaker 1: highly successful in any endeavor or guess what, that makes
30:24
Speaker 1: you exceptional. Because most people are not highly successful. That
30:29
Speaker 1: doesn't mean they're bad people. That doesn't mean they've got
30:31
Speaker 1: a bad life. That doesn't mean they can't be joyful
30:34
Speaker 1: or they're not joyful or happy or fulfilled. It doesn't
30:37
Speaker 1: mean that at all. But if we're talking about optimizing
30:39
Speaker 1: your talent and skills to be able to create something,
30:43
Speaker 1: if we're talking about building confidence so that you can
30:45
Speaker 1: grow and learn and evolve and do bigger and better stuff,
30:49
Speaker 1: and you are willing to do what most people won't,
30:52
Speaker 1: which is just to outlast and out work and to
30:56
Speaker 1: embrace the mayhem and the chaos, to ditch the instant gratification,
31:02
Speaker 1: quick fixed mindset, and to climb, to actually climb the
31:06
Speaker 1: fucking mountain. Most people won't do that stuff. Most people won't.
31:12
Speaker 1: People like to talk about it, but the truth is
31:16
Speaker 1: that you know a lot of people go to workshops
31:21
Speaker 1: or read books or even listen to shows like this,
31:24
Speaker 1: and I hesitate always to say this because I don't
31:27
Speaker 1: want anyone to feel like I'm judging or criticizing them.
31:31
Speaker 1: But just as the guy who's up the front, the
31:34
Speaker 1: guy who is talking to the group, the guy who
31:37
Speaker 1: gets feedback, the guy who the amount of people. In fact,
31:42
Speaker 1: one special lady that has just been through the hardest time.
31:48
Speaker 1: Her name is Katrina Umback, and I met her a
31:50
Speaker 1: couple of weeks. I've met her on and off, but
31:53
Speaker 1: just you know, moments in time, but I've never really
31:58
Speaker 1: spoken to her at length. But recently I did an
32:02
Speaker 1: event which I've spoken about a few times, and she
32:05
Speaker 1: was there and talk about you know, talk about outlasting,
32:12
Speaker 1: talk about surviving, talking about finding a way, talk about
32:17
Speaker 1: fucking resilience and strength and courage alike, you know, And
32:25
Speaker 1: she when she introduced me on the day that I
32:27
Speaker 1: did this talk shit all of these beautiful things which
32:29
Speaker 1: were kind of embarrassing, but truthfully, I think undeserved on
32:33
Speaker 1: my part. And I feel like that the one that
32:37
Speaker 1: was deserving of the praise and the accolades were her.
32:41
Speaker 1: And I'm going to get her on the show one
32:42
Speaker 1: day soon. But you know, she reached out to me
32:47
Speaker 1: I think was in twenty seventeen, and just sent me
32:50
Speaker 1: on Messenger as somebody that I didn't know. Hey, Harps,
32:55
Speaker 1: you know, my name's Katrina. I'm coming to one of
32:59
Speaker 1: your It was a weekend, and she took a photo
33:03
Speaker 1: of the receipt that her husband had got, that had
33:07
Speaker 1: received for buying a weekend away, so forty eight hours
33:12
Speaker 1: with me and one hundred and thirty other humans down
33:14
Speaker 1: on the Mornington Peninsula. And I think the message said
33:19
Speaker 1: from her husband something like there's not many husbands that
33:25
Speaker 1: would buy their wives a week away with a weekend
33:28
Speaker 1: away with another bloke, or something like something amusing like that.
33:33
Speaker 1: And she sent me that and I thought it was funny,
33:35
Speaker 1: and I replied. And then I don't know exactly long
33:38
Speaker 1: after how long after, But it wasn't that long that
33:42
Speaker 1: her husband sadly died of a heart attack. He was young,
33:47
Speaker 1: she was young, both in their thirties and obviously devastating.
33:53
Speaker 1: And I didn't know. I didn't know all of this.
33:57
Speaker 1: Maybe I maybe I knew a little bit, but I
34:00
Speaker 1: didn't know. I absolutely didn't know the story and then
34:03
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, Katrina was at this event,
34:07
Speaker 1: and you know, she got up and spoke, and then
34:13
Speaker 1: I came to fully or more understand her journey, and
34:17
Speaker 1: she was up there thanking me for how amazing my
34:24
Speaker 1: you know whatever, my books, my podcast, my words were
34:27
Speaker 1: for her through that time. And the overwhelming emotion, if
34:33
Speaker 1: it's an emotion in me, was embarrassment and almost shame
34:38
Speaker 1: because I just feel like I totally didn't deserve what
34:40
Speaker 1: she was saying. But I appreciated it and I accepted
34:43
Speaker 1: it and it was lovely. But here's my point. I've
34:48
Speaker 1: been in front of really big audiences, thousands and thousands
34:52
Speaker 1: of people, and really small audiences. And I think the weekend,
34:57
Speaker 1: like I said that Katrina and I a bunch of
35:00
Speaker 1: others had together, there was like one hundred and thirty
35:02
Speaker 1: people forty eight hours. But she was the one. She
35:09
Speaker 1: was the one who just went away and did all
35:14
Speaker 1: the work. There may have been others. I shouldn't say
35:17
Speaker 1: the one. But what is interesting is some people go,
35:22
Speaker 1: you know, Craig changed my life, and I go, this
35:25
Speaker 1: is not being me being humble. I absolutely didn't change
35:28
Speaker 1: your life. Because that afternoon or that day or that
35:32
Speaker 1: keynote or that book or whatever it is. A lot
35:35
Speaker 1: of other people have heard or read the same words
35:39
Speaker 1: a lot, and almost all of them did not do
35:44
Speaker 1: what you have done. So this one hundred percent you.
35:47
Speaker 1: And what I love about her is she chose the
35:50
Speaker 1: narrow path. She did the brave thing. She did the
35:53
Speaker 1: thing that must have been in the middle of the
35:55
Speaker 1: worst pain imaginable. I don't even think about it, but
36:01
Speaker 1: in the middle of the worst pain imaginable. She had
36:06
Speaker 1: two little kids and she just had to find a way.
36:11
Speaker 1: She just had to find a way to step up
36:13
Speaker 1: and provide and keep going. And and she, you know,
36:20
Speaker 1: she told me she would photocopy all the stuff or
36:23
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that I wrote, or write things
36:24
Speaker 1: out of my book and then put them up on
36:26
Speaker 1: the wall and put them everywhere and share it with
36:29
Speaker 1: people and read it every day and say it every
36:31
Speaker 1: day and look at it and all of this stuff.
36:33
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, but other people weren't doing that.
36:36
Speaker 1: You were doing that. And so when I see people
36:40
Speaker 1: like Katrina and also my mate John that you've heard
36:42
Speaker 1: too much about, when I see people like them who
36:44
Speaker 1: do amazing things under the toughest of circumstances. I just
36:51
Speaker 1: realized how much capacity we humans have when we have
36:58
Speaker 1: to do something, and this isn't ever present. Reality is
37:03
Speaker 1: that so often we want to change something. We want
37:07
Speaker 1: to learn, grow, evolve, get better, produce better outcomes, win,
37:10
Speaker 1: succeed whatever that looks like for us. We want that,
37:14
Speaker 1: but also the path to that is hard as fuck,
37:19
Speaker 1: and so we go. I'll start Monday, not now. Now
37:25
Speaker 1: is not a good time, which brings me to my
37:29
Speaker 1: next point, next final point. It stopped delaying, avoiding, waiting, procrastinating,
37:34
Speaker 1: and rationalizing. It is so easy to find another reason
37:40
Speaker 1: for another day, and another month and then another year
37:44
Speaker 1: where it's not a good time for me. It doesn't
37:48
Speaker 1: you know. I've got this one. I've got that on
37:49
Speaker 1: my back's a little bit sore. I've got all of
37:52
Speaker 1: these Da da da da da. And then he was
37:54
Speaker 1: fifty and then she was fifty five. Right, this shit
37:57
Speaker 1: is inconvenient. How do we build confidence? We start in
38:02
Speaker 1: the middle of not being ready. I don't mean doing
38:09
Speaker 1: anything illogical or dangerous, but how many people really go
38:14
Speaker 1: all right, today's the day. I'm ready. I'm brand new,
38:18
Speaker 1: they're ready. They make a decision, and then they never
38:20
Speaker 1: give up, well, very few. But when we go look
38:25
Speaker 1: right now, it's inconvenient and that's okay. Right now, me
38:29
Speaker 1: doing this thing is going to be uncomfortable and a
38:31
Speaker 1: bit uncertain, and that's okay. Right now. This is going
38:34
Speaker 1: to take a fair bit of time and energy and focus,
38:38
Speaker 1: and that's okay because it's worth it. Like you do
38:43
Speaker 1: not want to wake up in five years unless your
38:46
Speaker 1: life is already brilliant, and if it is, you shouldn't
38:49
Speaker 1: be listening to me. But you don't want to wake
38:52
Speaker 1: up in five years. And ago, all those things I
38:55
Speaker 1: wanted to do, I didn't do them. All those conversations
38:57
Speaker 1: I had, I didn't take action. Those light bulbs amounted
39:02
Speaker 1: to nothing. And you don't need to. You don't need to.
39:09
Speaker 1: You just need to be brave. You just need to
39:12
Speaker 1: be brave. You just need to take a step and
39:15
Speaker 1: courage it's optional. Courage is you saying, I don't want
39:23
Speaker 1: to do this thing, but I know I need to
39:26
Speaker 1: do this thing, So I'm doing this thing. See you
39:31
Speaker 1: next time.