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Falling in Love is Haram 🥰 · After Maghrib 🌙

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Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim salam alaikum, warahmatullah
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band, sisters, welcome back to the after Maghrib podcast, we
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are here. It is Valentine's week.
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So we've got a lot to talk about on sister.
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So if you love this podcast, smash that subscribe button.
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If you like what we're doing and you to the channel tuned in.
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But I'd say, smash the subscriber as well.
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Because the shortly you'll get to Civil War of what we're doing
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and inshallah. We'll be able to talk about more
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things. You have a Valentine's this
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year. Are you planning to ask anyone
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if you are, hopefully on the Halal?
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Relationship, there's a lot to talk about today in sha Allah,
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but also we're going to talk more about the concept of love
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in Islam. But before we do that, as
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always, my wonderful co-host says, I need another way.
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Spotting we shaking that's above 50. 50 feels like feels like
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years since we've done upon together.
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Just you and me? Yeah.
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Um, we've been blessed with so much guess that's, that's the
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beauty of the podcast. Is that we can have more people.
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Yeah. Having joining the conversation.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last week, we had those three of
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us take photos for all of us and now it's back to back to the
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Reggie to. Yeah, but before we go any
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further, we just want to talk quickly about the the Event that
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took place of course, in the last week in turkey and Syria,
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the earthquake, which of course has left over 28,000 people dead
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and over 100,000 people injured, firstly offering our condolences
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on behalf of a little bit TV and the optimism of team to the Imam
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of our time. And to the Islamic ummah.
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And just generally to those who have been affected, this is not
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something which we should take lightly, you know, we see
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natural disasters, we see War, we see famine all the time on
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fortune in the day and age we live in This is one of the
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largest, if not, the largest earthquake in modern history.
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So this is something which we all have a duty to respond.
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To there's a Hadith from the holy prophet Muhammad sallallahu
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alayhe wassallam. He says, one who does not wake
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up and is concerned about the state of the ummah is not from
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our mom. So Insha'Allah, we can all try
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to make some change. You can support the cause with
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the hope of pill who, of course are partnering for this podcast
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and her And to Aid relief work taking place on the ground.
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So do check out the link is in the bayou and also check out the
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Instagram. So it anything to add?
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No of, just condolences. And I just can't imagine like,
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family, losing family, and that situation is something hard.
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Something, difficult and inshallah.
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We never faced something like the shot and whoever spacing
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this may Allah. Give you the patients and
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inshallah you find relief from all of this very soon Center
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center. It's just something, which I
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think is very hard to swallow, especially after you become I
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mean, for me personally, when I became a parent, I should try to
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see the world differently and I think in that comes naturally
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before you hear about someone told me actually who works in
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the same building as mainly in my office.
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He said to me, he said I became a parent and before I became a
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parent I would see something like that as sad moment, tragic
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moment after he became apparent, he started to empathize with the
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people who are going through this kind of thing and he, you
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know, he would imagine the world differently and he would imagine
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what he would do in that situation.
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I think. That hit me as well.
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So shallow, we can try and do the because I didn't of the day,
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we love those around us and we love what a lot about Allah has
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blessed us with and that kind of is I know it's Valentine's Day
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and will cracking jokes and so on but at the same time that's
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what we want to talk about. Love love in Islam, love in
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life, loving relationships. Where Do We Begin?
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We begin with I think a question many ask is that is it hurrah
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morality phone in love? Like what's going on there?
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What's Waffle House? Do you answer that?
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What do you think? Well, simply falling in love is
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not on. Let's be honest, you know,
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islamically. I think the whole religion is
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like built on love at the same time.
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Yeah. And Allah always emphasizes in
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the Quran using love and mercy and Tranquility in all these
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special keywords. If I can say that are built on
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love, there's nothing wrong with falling in love, as long as it's
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with your spouse. Let's just make that clear, you
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know, with any Tom Dick and Harry Sharla Hider and forth
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mahovlich. Yeah.
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And We are human at the end of the day, we all have feelings.
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We want to feel like an emotional attachment to someone.
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That's what makes us human. Yeah and Allah has put that
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feeling in us as human beings. It's just important to make sure
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we can control it to be in love and Shop with us boss inshallah
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inshallah, you know Valentine's Day.
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Obviously, as a concept I don't really know too much.
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I maybe should have researched before but about the concept and
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history of Valentine's Day, but obviously in secular society
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that we live in now it's good for business, it's
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commercialized thing, right? So it's a date.
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A well, you buy your wife or your husband and gift and you,
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tell them how much you love them is really realistically
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speaking. This is something we should be
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doing on a day-to-day basis. We should be waking up and going
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to sleep and reminding. Our partners, not just our
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partners, but just generally, your children, your parents,
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your grandparents, whatever it might be your siblings.
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Even tell them that you love them.
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Tell them that, that you care about them, that they mean a lot
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to you. And don't just, you do lip
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service and say on the surface like actually tell them, I don't
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know where I'd be in my life without you, you know, we
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mentioned like at the beginning. Beginning of the year about New
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Year's resolution. Yes.
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And my resolution was and have the last so far I'm getting a
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bit better but to be more like conscious of my dear loved and
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dear ones close to me. And you know what it is?
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That that like made me think of that is this thing which where
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it's like a picture of a screenshot, which shows dad is
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calling or mother's calling, or grandmother or grandfather or
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whatever it is is ringing. And the caption is Imagine, if
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the next time you got, this was the last time you ever received
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a call from the family room. Oh my.
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And it hit me, like, wow, that was a bit out of the blue, but
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it is a bit dark. It will not be.
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It made me think like, well, you know, we have limited time on
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this Earth and love is something that's really recommended.
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Yeah. You know.
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So we should, we should express our love.
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We should be shy of it. Indeed, indeed.
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And you know, Valentine's is always this question or is that
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Haram look? I personally Valentine's said
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it's a day where, you know, People try to mark their love
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with their Partners. Now as Muslims for us, that's
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with our spouses inshallah and there's nothing wrong.
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You know, showing love affection, you know, gifting
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your spouse something or, you know, telling her or you telling
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him how much you love each other.
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I think it's important and it's part of possible.
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What makes like a happy relationship, a happy marriage
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and they happy Foundation. I know we have every day to tell
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our spouses. For example I love you.
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You love me. Whatever is best.
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That one day, that's dedicated to your love for one another.
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I think that's something beautiful, you know, as long as
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we're not falling into sin. Yeah, it's within the Islamic
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framework, there's nothing wrong with that at all.
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So let me ask you a question. Okay.
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Yes. A lot of people say, you know
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what, I see a lot of people say, how can you fall in love with
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someone and then marry them, especially in the slumming
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parameters, and current day in age of finding a spouse?
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How you expected to marry the one you love?
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So what I mean, It always the tricky one, because how do you
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think is how you start? How'd you fall in love in the
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first place? Yeah, I know.
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There's like Steps before you actually can say, I fell in love
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and I think if you love someone and you want to Charlotte, marry
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them. I think you should question
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yourself as a love, was it? Lost lost.
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Yes, because there's two different completely separate
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things. You know, you can love someone
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for their character. You can love someone for their
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Clark. You know, not for the tattoos
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biceps and Six Packs wherever it is.
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That's realistic. That's what you should love
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them. For if that's what the love is,
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maybe inshallah take it to step towards marriage by.
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This was something else for beauty and whatnot.
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That's not love at all. That's lost.
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And lost is dangerous and it's a step towards Xena and we're not
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on States, you know, and do not come close to the knot for, it
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is a shameful and evil act. So if we Ponder on that verse
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That's lust because what makes you go towards that part.
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For example, lust not love two, completely different things.
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I think it's interesting because let's be real.
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Mmm, I have a few bones to pick, okay, just with the youth in
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general including myself, okay? Firstly, people say don't get
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married young. I disagree personally, speaking
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to save yourself from doing harm, whether it's looking at
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the opposite gender acting on it or whatever it might be get
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married young. It will save you from that.
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You'll also be young enough to learn from each other.
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Be malleable enough to mold each other's personalities and
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characteristics and grow together.
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Um, Barbie won't how I won't lie.
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I remember so much people telling me now, you're so young.
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You know, you're so young. Are you sure you want to do
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this? So, I did my jacket in the car.
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I think I was 19 from that mistake now, even 19 or 20
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Marshal of the wife and listen, I should remember this as if I'm
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like, you know, 20 years. Sold.
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So I was I was I think I just turned 23 and I thought I was
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young. Mmm, I was fresh out of
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University and so on but the end of the day I get married young,
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yo means that you don't marry the one you love.
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You love the one you marry because what will happen is you
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marry someone you brought to your grow together.
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You develop a genuine true heartfelt relationship with one
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another and you learn about the world.
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You'd rather goes I will say with pride.
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No I would rather go through hardships of this world.
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Hmm, with the one I love with my campaign.
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My wife and that, that helps me as a man.
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When I go face the world, I'll learn.
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I'll take the lessons I've learned with my wife and apply
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that to the World Around Me. Hmm and you know there's a
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Hadith from holy prophet, Muhammad sallallahu.
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Anyone saw them when he says searching for what will improve
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you is not considered love of the Dunya of the world.
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So when you search for someone that will improve you as a
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Muslim as a person, the man of God or of God, that's not love
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of the world. So selfish, it's love of Allah.
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And that love of Allah, it's a three-way relationship and a
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marriage, a lot of pain to others, the top of the triangle,
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but Frankly, Speaking. And I'm husband, and wife are
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the two bottom points. It's a triage.
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A relationship of three entities, three parties in the
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marriage. And at the end of the day, in
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sha Allah, when you, when you get, when you step into a
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relationship like that, I will help you in the long run.
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It does it does. And you know, speaking about
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marriage and love and affection, there is a beautiful verse and
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everyone always always recite. So, whenever it comes to, for
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example, you know, marriage, Rings or reception or the nikah
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Whoever has. And I think it's fair that we
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mention it. Yeah, I can read it as from the
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Holy Quran, bismillahi r-rahmani, r-rahim 30:21.
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And all the signs is that he created for you from yourselves
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mates that you may find Tranquility in them and he
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placed between you affection. And mercy.
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Look at that, keyword affection and mercy indeed are signs for
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indeed. These are signs for people who
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give thought so you know we are social beings at the entity and
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God is saying he created for you.
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You spouses from among your spot among yourselves and install the
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new one merci affection Love Tranquility.
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Yeah, so automatically, there's nothing wrong in Falling in
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Love, we can go back to that. First question for last thing,
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he will do this to you with your spouse.
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You can fly the skies - there's no point.
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Going searching for fake love and ruining your life.
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You know, if you're in school, you know, I really fancy this
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person. Or I really like this one.
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And the problem would shape on is that when you are loved.
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I think so that situation, you lose everything else you become
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blind. Have you had a blind?
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Love ya, you literally become blind.
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You can't battery and you can't find fault in anything.
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Yeah. Even they make they may be the
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most, you know, worst of characters, the worst of human,
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Well, the problems if you fall in love with the wrong person,
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you become blind. Hmm.
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You lose sight of everything you decide, what's right?
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You don't know what's wrong. Like you lose control is very
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important as Muslims. We have to mention, I'll do a
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speaking about falling in love McAllen and did you and
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everything? But as a Muslim you should be
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careful of how to do we fall in love.
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Hmm, cause you can't control your feelings and entered a
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scientifically biologically, bro.
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It's there. If you love someone, you love
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them. Just like if you hate someone,
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you hate them. It's automatic.
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Yeah. And to be honest, I mean, the
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call the, in my opinion, the core of Love is trust.
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Yeah, you know. So when you love, when you truly
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love someone, you love your parents, you trust him, you
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know, you trust what they tell you trust what they do, they
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teach you and guide you. If you love your spouse, it's
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because you trust them, you know, that they are, they have
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your best interests at heart, you love your children because
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you love them out mercy and affection in the sense of where
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you're saying at the end of the day, I think I lost one or two
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Allah has created. Just like that.
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It's okay to be a warm cuddly person, you know.
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It's okay to show love, show affection.
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Sri Lankan solution was the best example of the, yeah.
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You know, the love. He showed not just to his his
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beloved wife, especially say, the Khadijah sloly, of course to
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otherwise but specifically also to people around him.
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Hmm. How many Hadith we have about
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the holy prophet, the way he would treat the orphans or the
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children, how he would kiss their heads.
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Love is not just you with your spouse.
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It's not just with Love is literally I think for the sake
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of Allah. Yeah you can love everything.
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Yeah honestly. I need like you mentioned
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orphans. We can give the example of the
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Paul even Brothers. Yeah I'll just I think they love
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you bro I love you more than just the sake of Allah justjust
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perfectly lovely person but I think it's a verse.
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I don't misquote it. I'll paraphrase it.
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It's that you should love your brothers and if there's an issue
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between you and your brother's, you should Fix it fix it.
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Yeah. So I don't know the full
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translation of it but I paraphrased it shows important.
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How loving to your brother? You should be.
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Yeah, and that as a Muslim, that's amazing.
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There's no other religion. Has that Brotherhood, and the
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AMA feeling and the love feeling all for the sake of Allah be
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upon you know there's a Hadith from Prophet Muhammad salih
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Saleh where he says there is a place in Paradise called the
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house of happiness and no one is allowed to enter it except those
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people who cheered up the And who made children happy a lot to
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cheer them up, you know. Of course, the holy month of
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Ramadan is approaching. Yeah, this is like a month where
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we are encouraged to give especially to the 8th Army to
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the orphans. And of course, now we talked
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about earthquake and so on how many children are there are
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really suffering and it doesn't even have to be children
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suffering like children in the community kids, that mosque
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running around. Don't tell them off.
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Kids are kids, you know, we, I've my perspective on this has
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changed big time since I become a dad and a lot.
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But you know, like that first seven years of their life, the
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Hadith of opening let them do let them be as they do is the
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Masters that Hadith says not. Obviously doesn't mean you bow
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down to your kids and let them control their life.
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Yeah. I need a children where they
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play loving that. They make a mess.
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Yeah. Like, you know, that, you know
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that like very cliche Instagram. My face that daily have.
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You had that thing live? Love laugh.
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Live love. Love.
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It's like a phrase people. Yeah.
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Very, very close shave. But I like that when it comes to
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specific examples of like kids, love them laugh with them live.
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Let them live basically like enjoy it, you know.
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So it is examples for us, we can love the right things.
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We can love our brothers, we can love our spouses children are
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last month. I learned, first and foremost,
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just don't love this, don't you? I was gonna say that's the wrong
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things to love what happens when you love the dirtiest it?
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Well I you'll become the attached from Islam
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realistically because you now want to attain materialistic
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yearning? Yeah.
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That's something that becomes becomes dangerous.
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Where you can forget the reason of you being on this Earth.
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Yeah. Created you from nothing.
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What's that verse is a verse or the Hadith we created you from a
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drop from a drop. Yeah it's not a moron.
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Yeah. So it goes along those verses
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any you are here for the sake of Allah subhanahu.
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Wa'ta'ala do not chase this Dunya because when you chase is
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Dunya, you are doing nothing apart from damaging, your hair
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after. And the thing is I'm sorry
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Safeco. Know, you continue to do.
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Love of the Dunya is like, Drinking from the ocean.
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When you drink seawater, you think your quenching your thirst
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reality or becoming more thirsty?
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Yes. Yes.
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The love of the dodea. The more you acquire, the more
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you attained, whether it's the opposite gender, whether it's
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money, whether it's success, Fame power reputation.
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These things are superficial the material.
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Yep. What really?
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We should be seeking is a love, which is tangible in the
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spiritual sense, not tangible. Physical sense, when you
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tangibly gain material, things possessions, people things like
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that you will never feel content with what you've gained.
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But if you love something, for the sake of God, you become
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realize that come from God. It will return to God and you're
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going to leave this world with nothing of that.
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Hmm. Then we understand purpose and
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value at the end of the day. Love in Islam, is a value-based
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proposition. You know, you love something.
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Based on the value of B in the Dunya and akhira, we don't just
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love something for the sake of the don't know if that was the
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case. Then the biggest tyrants in
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human history. Wouldn't be remember this time.
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Some of your neighbors love nature, love everything.
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Yeah, it's a nice reminder. You know, the fact of having
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this conversation. Yeah, cause you know, the world
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is full of like hates, like everyone hates everyone wants to
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like stuff for like kill everyone.
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Everyone was like, Rob everyone, well if you just show some love
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some compassion, the what will be in a bad place?
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Last question, can you love out of hate?
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You, can you hate out of love? Yes, you can.
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The sake of Allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala, okay.
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Because as Muslims, Tickly, you need to love for the sake of
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Allah, and hate for the sake of Allah, subhanahu wa'ta'ala.
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And if I can give an example one, I think that many of our
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viewers can relate to its, I'm going to go far away.
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I'm going to go, you know, some final every conversation about
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to go back to a karbala for an example, I always end up on The
18:24
Daily Show, that's how much lessons we can derive this from
18:27
from the 10th of Muharram best. For example, if we were there at
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that moment where we had to choose between Hussein, and yes,
18:37
it has We all say in only sell ammonia, Masala.
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Macumba, harmonium and horrible come over Leo Newman walekum.
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What? I don't want.
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There's a reason behind all of these things that we say, as she
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as Muslims as that, we will love you a little bit for the sake of
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Allah, and we will not stand with your enemies.
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We will disassociate from them for the sake of Allah, you know,
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you got to choose, you know, either you pray behind a lie or
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if you do Mahalia, like, these are so things where you can find
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like true love. Yeah, and this Association for
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the sake of Allah, someone with a black hawk, about these sort
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of things I wanted to mention this because I think it's an
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example that the viewers and listeners can relate to, you
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know, it's true. And you look at the story of
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karbala karbala subhanallah, like you say you met replies
19:25
back to cover bills out. Let's talk about hot spot on
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love me as you know. They are loved about the letter
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saying and he loves his apartment specifically to the
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point where he sacrificed himself selflessness.
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For the sake of Allah. And then you look at all the
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been cited as an example. What was he promised?
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The land of Ray? Yeah, wheat Farms all that
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rubbish. But can you and and what about
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the lack of me goes by a lot, even if you defeat me, even if
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you Slaughter me, you will not touch or you will not benefit
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one grain of wheat from that promised land that you've been
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promised. And even with that promise, this
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is a grandson for solar, you know, the whole job.
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Even with that. He's like, I'm going to take the
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risk. Yeah, it's not worth it.
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You know I've got I've got wealth waiting for us Robinson
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you know how but Dunya like you would go and you know be part of
20:18
the tragic murderous vicious attack on the family of
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rasulallah just for piece of land.
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Yeah it's crazy. Absurd screams related of course
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you know there's like it's just mind-blowing.
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Anyways came back to this topic. Yeah it's I before I know
20:34
starting we'll see about will and his honestly, it's crazy
20:38
what we're saying. So, Yeah, Valentine's Day.
20:42
What's the, what's the, what's the plans were all the
20:44
Valentine's Day? I think is that they a lot of
20:47
people run away from okay. Why not people look forward to?
20:50
Yeah, you people run away from because they just too shy to
20:52
show. Love to the spouse.
20:54
For example, I have time. I'm going to talk about love or
20:56
whenever it's all, I want people to imagine you and your wife.
20:58
Don't imagine some random boyfriend guy said, I just want
21:02
to make that very clear if there's anyone I let me let me
21:04
make it abundantly. Clear because I know by the
21:06
time, this airs is going to be post Valentine's Day.
21:08
If you asked anyone who's not in halawa, Relationship with you to
21:11
be a Valentine's. Well, you need to rethink your
21:13
life, man, I'm so sorry. Like, if you're young and you're
21:17
young, you're old, whatever is where is things in life?
21:20
You are, I beg you, I beg you. Please do not make that mistake.
21:24
I know, time is partnered by their families, as well.
21:26
Like, 16th of February, something think 1450.
21:30
Yeah, 60s. I see these guys.
21:32
Please, please, please for the love of God.
21:35
Don't do that. Yeah, it's very easy mistake to
21:38
slip into know, just coming back to the Wait, no, and thanks for
21:41
making that clear. Imagine someone just, like,
21:43
Clips down goes mental with it. That's don't be shy, from
21:48
showing love and affection with your spouse.
21:50
I don't know what, ladies. All right, I'm gonna shut to the
21:53
guys here, but realistically, a lot of guys feel like his, like
21:58
unmanly to tell your wife, I love you.
22:00
And they find a very difficult one.
22:01
Like, I don't understand this and he, I'm not saying, I'm good
22:04
at it. We all try to show love the best
22:07
ways that we can best. Don't feel shy to talk.
22:10
Hold your own wife. I love you because you're you
22:13
can Allah allows you to be romantic.
22:15
Yeah, with your spouse. No wonder, you can't be romantic
22:17
with your nan, you don't, because show love, let's romance
22:21
and things like that. As for your spouse, only make
22:23
her feel good. And you know how much reward
22:26
goes into showing love and affection with your spouse, you
22:29
know, even like we always hear stories the way highly used to
22:33
talk about Fatima or solar lights to talk about, you know,
22:36
a DJ or, you know, we have many examples.
22:40
For example, a lie would help fought on it.
22:43
I'll love not because as her role at home, for example, don't
22:47
because he loves his wife and about this at all, so he would
22:51
help her Our Hope. For example, these are small
22:53
small things, don't be shy from the mine are probably you have
22:56
mothers out there saying, don't do this.
22:58
You're a guy. She needs to do it for you by
23:00
small small things here and there will not be helped at home
23:03
show some love was going to say I don't know what it is.
23:05
Sometimes it's the smallest things that go the furthest you
23:08
know, you're all of them talking.
23:10
Into the husband's out there. But all of us all of us can kind
23:15
of, I think show compassion and different ways.
23:17
Like for example, if you think about it yeah especially that
23:19
husband's. I don't know why you say it.
23:22
But for me, I list of tasks is always available for me.
23:27
You know, I've always thought I already told my buddies, take
23:29
out the bin. So I need to put the things in
23:31
the dishwasher or this wherever it is, and I love my wife and I
23:35
thank her because she obviously keeps me active and productive
23:37
but the same time you know, when you got on a kind of like a bit
23:40
The Beyond it shows, compassion through that, you know, have you
23:44
heard of The Love Languages? Five love languages, the five,
23:48
lovely. I'm just, I'm just going to
23:49
check it out. Okay, do do, I know there was a
23:52
book. Yeah, that looks about the I
23:54
haven't read it, but I remember coming across a show.
23:57
I think it was actually big TV. Yeah.
24:00
Well this book was mentioned. It's amazing.
24:01
It's absolutely amazing. So basically there's five love
24:04
languages and Everyone Falls in at least one character.
24:07
You all right. So you might have to love
24:09
languages all three three, right?
24:11
So the first ones is words of affirmation.
24:13
Tell them that you're the one. I love.
24:15
I don't want anyone but you some people find that as their love
24:18
language, they really appreciate that.
24:20
Second one is quality time, sitting with them spending time
24:23
with them. Speaking with them giving gifts
24:26
Valentine's, they were all getting the flowers ready in the
24:29
chocolate is ready, but gift-giving for a lot of people
24:31
as a way of love. Like, it shows that you've gone
24:33
out of your way and done something.
24:34
Yeah, acts of service. This for me, I think is the most
24:37
value to this is what I value the most when One puts in time
24:41
effort for like and they serve find a way to serve them selves
24:46
to you. I've asked the black truest form
24:48
of love and obviously physical touch as well.
24:50
You know, you mentioned about like telling husband's telling
24:53
wives. I love you.
24:53
Don't be afraid to hug her, kiss her.
24:55
Yeah, and you like show her that you're a man.
24:58
Who can love your man. Who's strong your firm do not
25:01
push over. You're not weak your masculine
25:03
and masculinity comes with compassion.
25:06
Like, you know, we're taught and there's guys out there like and
25:09
rotate and want to drop that. At whose so disassociate with
25:13
women and there's guys all look down on women derogatorily and
25:16
stuff like that, bro. Who do you think you are show
25:19
your wife? Some love respect her for who
25:21
she is but be a man, that'd be masking the you could be
25:24
masculine and make a why feel good physically.
25:26
Emotionally like there's a ways to do it but you won't.
25:31
You won't know that you won't know how to unlock her heart.
25:33
Unless you get to know her. You know what I mean?
25:36
So I understand your wife, these different Love Languages, I
25:38
think that's already. So how would one unlock the Say
25:42
it, say it. Say this, let me teach you a
25:44
lesson. I'm Jack Lees to know your
25:49
partner, you know. And it can be anyone, you know,
25:51
you could be married for 30 years and still struggle to
25:54
understand your spouse. But there's a reason why Allah
25:58
is pleased you with that person, you know, even if that, I'll be
26:02
honest, some people may have horrible time of Valentine's
26:05
fighting or you arguing, you may not be happy in your marriage.
26:09
I told my wife. Actually, a few days ago, I
26:11
said, I know, I know that there must be a good percentage of my
26:16
friends, who may be unhappy in their relationships, its natural
26:19
course. It's natural.
26:20
There's many. Yeah, of course.
26:22
There's many a lot. And, you know, the biggest
26:24
problem. We're all of these issues stem
26:25
from it's not showing love, I can guarantee you this because
26:30
if you know, how to respectfully show love.
26:33
Yeah, not just, hey, I love you. And you want you tryna get some
26:38
affection back, doesn't work like that, you know, you have to
26:40
be solved, you have to you know show your love because you know
26:44
actions do speak louder than words but forget the actions
26:47
people come and say the three words I love you and that just
26:50
drives me crazy. I Nee as human beings if you, if
26:54
you are married to someone let's say and you don't tell your wife
26:59
that I love you who you telling. I love you too.
27:02
I want my son right question. And if you're not saying it's
27:05
your wife who I saying you love because men men have that energy
27:09
men need to give love whether it's physically with their
27:12
words, whatever it is, okay, if a man is not doing that.
27:17
Then there's a problem, there's an issue with there's an issue
27:19
like it either he's distracted. Okay.
27:21
It is completely real. So real issue.
27:24
They're distracted online. They're distracted with someone
27:27
else they've got that is all they just disinterest not
27:29
interested at all. But either, they have lost
27:33
interest, or they've got their interest elsewhere, that's a
27:36
Mmm. You know something that just
27:38
made me smile. Yesterday I was on my parents
27:40
house. Hmm.
27:41
And shout-out to my parents if they all this thing which I
27:43
don't know if they are but my dad may Allah bless him.
27:47
It was something really sweet and I learned from it he just
27:50
said to my wife, his wife and wife, he said to his wife, I my
27:54
mom, your mom make things clear. He said to me is, is this a new
27:58
dress? She's like, yeah, she looks
28:00
really nice on you. I like the color looks.
28:02
It was like, Wow, and he was just touch here.
28:04
Touch the material is like, this looks really nice.
28:06
Like it it's a small thing is like a small thing and she's
28:09
like, oh thank you but obviously I am I still means old.
28:14
Yeah, you know like you see on TV shows and stuff like that
28:18
like this dramas and stuff people like women will do their
28:22
hair, their makeup and the guy walks past, we don't notice, you
28:24
know, it's a cliche example. Yes.
28:27
You know, but that that attention to detail means a lot
28:30
to a woman. It really really does add that.
28:32
I think it, like we said, can be expanded extended Beyond
28:35
awareness, it's like of your surroundings.
28:37
So your children showed love to them.
28:39
Like if they've gone to school, come back, ask them.
28:42
How's your day? What did you do?
28:43
Tell me, talk to your grandparents, find out how they
28:46
live their lives and what lessons they can teach?
28:48
That's love. So form of love.
28:50
And then you extend it even more.
28:51
You have the awareness of God, like, Allah is loving me because
28:54
he's giving me the breathing oxygen, I have and the sleep I
28:58
get and all of that. So in sha Allah, we can try and
29:00
think of ways to be a bit selfless.
29:03
You know, I mean, Charles on I think is important and I think
29:06
it Fair to add. And I think I should mention
29:08
this is that a lot of people just don't have time to show
29:11
love. Yeah.
29:12
And sometimes they have the wrong excuses and the excuses,
29:16
for example of, for example, I haven't slept well or I'm too
29:21
busy at work, or for example, I'm going to the mosque.
29:24
Yeah, I give an example of Allah with love everyone to go to the
29:28
mosque, but sometimes you need to be with your wife.
29:30
How do you present? You can't be at the most 20%,
29:32
what lol them, you know, I've read numerous a hard leaves and
29:35
stuff and these all Coming directly from rasool, Allah,
29:37
sallallahu alayhi wasallam, where you being at home with
29:41
your wife at times, it's more rewarding than going to the
29:44
Lord, God, and worshiping and doing Studio down.
29:46
There is so much reward in spending quality time at home
29:52
with your wife. Yeah.
29:53
Like a lot of people finding whether it's universities where
29:56
they just disappear, and then they expect somehow the wife's,
30:00
we are all born and like, everything is hunky-dory at home
30:03
and they expect 100% love and attention.
30:06
Everything was you are doing nothing.
30:08
Yeah, you are doing nothing. Apart from what pretending.
30:11
You're a man. Well II, don't think you're a
30:13
man. If you have no love for your
30:14
missus, to be honest. Yeah, she makes you man.
30:16
This makes you Loveless careless.
30:20
Vicious, like I can go on all these Rhymes that poets is
30:25
slipping out nicely. I should write a romantic on the
30:32
level and if we want to be real, what makes you a man It's being
30:37
a man. Yeah, showing that love showing
30:39
that compassion being merciful you know sometimes papaya so
30:43
much issues arise between spouses is because they don't
30:47
have this Rama. You know I lost my know what
30:48
Allah has mentioned about. I will install in you what
30:52
Tranquility of Mercy between the spouses now.
30:56
Imagine if we can't show, love that means we have no mercy.
31:00
Again, back to problem Square, One, everything stems, and love
31:03
between spouses. That's something.
31:05
I've observed and handle are sometimes, Brothers.
31:09
They find trust that they can have conversations with.
31:11
That's why I give all these examples because always sends
31:14
from this, is that they can't even say, I love you or they're
31:17
too shy to tell the wife. I love you all respond to I love
31:21
you back for example because their mom is there for them is
31:26
like a competition. Like I don't want to.
31:28
I don't say, I love you in front of my mom.
31:30
Bravo. He took his vows he is crazy.
31:33
Oh, your mom. Should your mom or so?
31:35
Obviously it could be anyone in your but obviously the mum is
31:38
the main thing people talk about.
31:40
Mmm. But your mom should feel so
31:41
loved by you that there's no feeling of competitive sense and
31:44
your wife should be, as well, a certain time.
31:46
So, now there's something interesting to talk about this
31:47
mother wife Dynamic, I read. And a friend actually told me,
31:52
as well as I wish we had the sister earlier.
31:54
Yeah, I just feel like we're aiming for watching I mean
32:01
something about the just really quickly and I think we should
32:03
start to wrap up, but, you know, there's nothing we should, I
32:07
should I say this is to my wife, was it to my mom, I have a duty
32:10
to my wife, my mother's, my mother, you know, you know this
32:14
Lambic responses, neither don't listen to any unless one is with
32:19
Huck, you have to go there. So you follow Huck, you don't
32:21
follow a person. She got I'm saying and of course
32:24
you can apply that that that concept to anything in life,
32:27
whatever truth is, follow the true.
32:30
And the truth will guide you to Allah is with the truth.
32:33
I lose everything. I hope she's listening times a
33:32
day. Mmm, that's me.
33:34
Like you know, and I hope that continues.
33:35
I hope and I hope it's not just lip service.
33:37
Hope it doesn't come up. There you go.
33:39
So for every man that's out there listening and watching
33:41
this Muhammad, I can guarantee you manly, he's a massive, he's
33:45
a definition of a whip, what makes you a man?
33:47
And if you can't tell your wife, Shall I can do the same if you
33:51
can't, if you can't tell your wife numerous times, maybe not
33:53
every day throughout the week. For example, one leg goes a long
33:55
way. Yeah, it does, it does don't be
33:57
shy. You are still a man and I always
33:59
had this. I don't feel manly love and
34:01
honor, not at all, not to not ask you another question father,
34:04
but nonetheless, you will ask me a question?
34:05
I don't mind you go first. Well I think of one okay, okay
34:10
I'll ask you. Another question is, are we
34:12
going to ask is? Do you think one should fall in
34:15
love? Then get married or can you also
34:17
get married and fall in love? Because A lot of people.
34:20
Yeah, you know, because the reason why on ask this because I
34:23
have a lot of friends. Yeah, I have some who, you know,
34:26
really loved someone and went to ask for the hand and I have some
34:30
Who and the marriage went great. Yeah.
34:32
Someone just went to disaster but at the same time you have
34:35
those who have never met this, but I don't think what, if you
34:37
recommend it, you understand? And down the line.
34:41
They just couldn't find. Love some, the majority did
34:45
handle at the still together, but down the line.
34:47
They always say this. I like, I like her cause she's
34:50
the mother of my kids. I respect her because she's from
34:53
a respected family but they can't, they can't like genuinely
34:56
say, I love becomes hard for them to say, I love her, I don't
35:01
know. It's like a lady find that
35:02
balance. I think the way people search
35:04
for spouses is wrong, sometimes, hmm.
35:09
Instead of finding someone and finding out whether you lost
35:12
after them, we love them. Don't look for that.
35:14
Look for qualities that you love.
35:16
Yeah. So you might love a quality or
35:18
characteristic about someone for example.
35:19
'Well, assistant may say to you, my job is very important to me a
35:24
system. A say I look forward to becoming
35:26
a mother and raising a family. Beautifu system might say
35:30
something like that and to you as a man that might be that.
35:32
Wow. I respect, I admire that I love
35:34
that Allah bless all those sisters out.
35:36
That Charles II, you know, I had a friend who may Allah bless him
35:41
with a noble wife in sha. Allah is looking for a spouse.
35:44
I mean, and a sister he was referred to him like, you know,
35:49
someone referred him, whatever he doesn't know the sister, but
35:52
before they start speaking, You know the someone told him that I
35:57
click the sister told me I'm proper long it out basically a
36:03
girl who knows the guy like I said like his sister or cousin
36:08
or whatever. Knows a girl.
36:10
Yeah I've unlocked. That's all mutually.
36:11
I'm understanding. Yeah.
36:14
His cousin, for example, met a girl at the mosque and the
36:17
mosque. And the girl said to him, do you
36:18
know what I'm really looking forward to becoming a mother?
36:21
I'm really looking forward to raising my children on the dean
36:24
and this cousin of his it's like, wow, this looks like a
36:28
good girl. I'm gonna go tell my cousin
36:30
who's single, and he's looking for a wife.
36:32
Hmm, that guy was taken aback by that.
36:34
Comment, you know what I mean? And he was like, wow, I've been
36:37
looking for the right spouse, blah, blah, blah.
36:39
But this one characteristic that that sister had draws me to her
36:43
private know. Uh-huh.
36:45
And I think that that's a very important thing to take into
36:47
consideration small point. When I said in the beginning of
36:49
the our conversation, yes. That there are certain things
36:52
you're allowed to slam, likely to fall in love with yes.
36:55
Yes. You know, they have lost their
36:56
character, their Iman, their Islam, all these things, not
36:59
lost, so nice. It's a nice point for the
37:04
Sisters. A good guy, will love you.
37:06
For the things you are and do not the things you look like.
37:10
And of course, you should be attractive.
37:11
And so should a guy and you should take care of himself and
37:14
Look after himself. But I think for example, for a
37:17
lot of the good boys, the community and a lot of the guys
37:19
who are better than me, we'll look for a sister with good job.
37:24
A sister who respects her parents?
37:26
A sister who are stuck one, who's conscious of her duties
37:29
islamically. A sister who has understanding
37:31
of the world around her, what's happening in the world?
37:34
You know, the situation around her as sister who looks forward
37:37
to seeing her siblings, younger siblings because that shows you
37:41
that they look forward to seeing their own children one day.
37:43
Nothing. It's like that are symbolic and
37:45
are representative of what type of mother they'll be what
37:49
happened wife, they'll be and Shalom.
37:50
You know how they'll love you. Yeah.
37:52
So yeah, yeah, any question for me?
37:58
I just feel like it's fair like on that but don't scare me.
38:07
What would you say to someone who says that?
38:08
They think they love a girl before they married them, but
38:11
but they built that based off an online relationship.
38:15
Oh, I do not answer dammit. I generally don't know how to
38:21
answer that, because you don't know the person, because all one
38:24
line is unlike assumption. Because when everything is done
38:27
online, you only see the good things.
38:29
So, you only have the sweet talk or you only see the good
38:32
pictures or you only have, for example, the good things that
38:36
happened, all of us, the bad things that happens something
38:39
bad to happen to them know about them personally.
38:41
So you don't know that bad side. So falling in love with someone
38:44
online is a bit dangerous Woods. It's Dangerous Waters because
38:49
you don't know them really Trudy for who they are.
38:52
Yeah, but seeing someone a person is completely different.
38:56
Yeah, I know where Youth and many of us are here in the west.
38:59
We can be at University, we can be in school, whatever is okay.
39:04
When you physically, see someone, you already know the
39:06
character, you know, their manners.
39:09
You know, for example of a Subway, you know, the sisters
39:12
higher, for example, you know, for example, the her job, you
39:15
know, for example, their upbringing Things like that
39:19
online. You just don't know what's going
39:20
on. It's very hard to tell because I
39:21
line we do know it's filtered online.
39:22
You can be a say the Khadijah, but once there are home, God
39:27
knows they are honestly yeah yeah, that's for guys and vice
39:30
versa applies to the boys. Tony same thing.
39:32
If a female is looking for the right man, don't fool work.
39:36
Please do not fall in love. Yeah, find the right person to
39:39
fall in love with absolutely. Absolutely guys.
39:41
And the last last last last thing I'll say is if you are
39:43
looking for a spouse, don't be shy to ask a trusted, you know,
39:46
when you want to search when you become by Elliot, you have to
39:48
pick up my job. What do you do?
39:49
You also adjust it and same with when you are looking for a
39:52
spouse. You are, you are told speak to
39:55
someone you trust someone who's, I'm please tell someone, I don't
39:58
know. Tell your mom, tell your uncle,
39:59
your sister, your sibling, your brother.
40:01
Whoever just make sure someone knows because yeah, no one
40:03
knows. It's a third to shape.
40:04
Our even know the 3rd the shaitaan.
40:06
I'm telling you, 100%, because things.
40:08
Hang out of hand, out of control.
40:10
Shame in wanting to get married. There's no shame in asking
40:12
someone for an impression or an opinion or someone else.
40:14
You might be a brother and you might see a sister and event.
40:18
Example, hmm. You know, hopefully not actively
40:21
looking, you know? But the idea is you might have
40:23
heard of someone or being referred to some, the best thing
40:25
you could do is before you introduced yourself to the
40:28
sister, get a third-party opinion.
40:31
Somebody trusts who doesn't judge them based off their
40:33
family reputation, all their income, or their job or anything
40:36
like that. But who judges them for their
40:38
heart, their are clouded. Their did shout out to her
40:40
brother Muhammad Ali who was on the racism in Mom's podcast was
40:43
a long time ago. But he mentioned this point he
40:45
and I was watching it few days ago but he said Ed.
40:48
If someone comes to the mother of Father's rasul, Allah says,
40:52
so the mother of daughters the father of daughters, if a man
40:55
comes to speak to a father of daughters to seek her hand in
40:59
marriage. The holy prophet, says, it will
41:02
cause fitna in the Dunya. If the mat, if the if the
41:06
proposal is not accepted, if the man is of good o'clock, No Good
41:10
Deed. Like these are the two
41:11
characteristics that we should be looking for, you know, the
41:13
potential spouse and they shall all you found that.
41:15
You'll be satisfied. You won't look at other girls or
41:17
other Sighs. You won't even think about it.
41:19
That it doesn't even cross your mind.
41:21
Yeah. Like you're satisfied in every
41:23
way. You're satisfied, intimately,
41:25
you're satisfied. Emotionally and even
41:27
spiritually. Like, you've got someone who
41:29
like, push you and make you grow, and think of God, and all
41:31
of that stuff. So, yeah, like I said, love is
41:34
like a holistic. Yeah, he like it's not.
41:36
I'll add one thing happened. Yeah.
41:38
If I can viewers find this beneficial so if you are in
41:44
love. Yeah.
41:46
And let's say you love Someone that no one knows about.
41:52
Okay, so let's say you're at school, it's just brief example.
41:56
Let's see our University, okay. You've got like, a three-year
41:58
degree going on. Yeah.
42:00
Second year in you, like, you really love someone for who they
42:02
are. Like, you can see them.
42:04
Like you can see like a future with them.
42:06
You can see the on their Dean, you can see, there are Clark.
42:09
I can see things like that. Are things that take all boxes.
42:12
Yeah, it's not as a Muslim, these things attract you because
42:15
automatically that's how you want to see your future spouse
42:19
to be. Inshallah and then all you know
42:22
it's like for example you got your mama that they found your
42:24
recommendation. Yeah.
42:26
And they tell you what this girl's available, for example
42:30
you know you want to go meet her.
42:32
What happens? Next vote, in my opinion, first
42:35
you should tell your parents what it gets before that stage.
42:37
I said, because you can be in love honest, to God, I say this
42:42
because people speak with me, they're married while the hostel
42:46
- yeah, because they were too scared or too shy to tell mama
42:50
or Baba. Maja somewhere else.
42:52
Yeah, first try take that even after won lol.
42:55
Yeah, you know, she's very stupid.
42:57
Follow your heart. You can heal these quotes and
42:58
whatnot, but sometimes well your heart wants what the heart
43:02
wants. It's you and if you love someone
43:04
and they're right spouse, try to take that.
43:06
As a first step, don't be in love with someone else, and then
43:09
go marry someone else. No.
43:10
So that's the worst thing is no, share any human being can do.
43:12
And so now, I will ruin your spouse while lol and family with
43:16
the line children ruin your future.
43:18
Yeah. Yeah.
43:18
Yeah. And the point, where you find
43:20
something that you're interested in, that's why I say, like, it's
43:23
good to get third. Party point is you have to
43:24
mention, it's not hard to fall in love.
43:26
I had a point. I'm trying to say, I know
43:27
friends who met girls at University that they married and
43:30
I know friends whom Girls University that they interacted
43:34
with spoke to for Myers but didn't marry, you know?
43:37
And in all cases, they sort of third-party opinion.
43:39
I have a friend who went to event after event after event
43:43
and he came to me one day. He's like, do you know this
43:45
sister like proper confidential? You know, I don't know.
43:48
Because, you know, anyone who knows how or who is related to
43:50
us? I don't know.
43:51
What did he do. He asked his aunt in another
43:53
country that aren't I knew the girls aren't he's?
43:55
Oh my goodness. So what happened was he found
43:57
it, is she single issue? Looking is she can what we
43:59
should considering the spouse. The blah, blah blah blah blah
44:01
blah blah. Which I feel is all the right
44:03
channels to do. Yeah.
44:04
Then that stage you understand. Is she even looking?
44:08
Should I be looking? You've told your family member
44:10
his auntie, in this case that I'm interested in this girl,
44:13
he's done all the right things before even saying Salam to her
44:15
because I in my opinion somebody seems a bit extreme.
44:18
You don't even know what she sounds like.
44:19
You don't even know, it doesn't matter.
44:21
Like if someone is caught your eye, don't waste time on it,
44:24
like it don't be a jerk. Adding them on Instagram.
44:28
So I did a little Snapchat, you know, a lot of boys.
44:31
So I have gone through Phase. Yeah, like don't be longer by
44:34
it, just jumped to this jump to the point and do what's right?
44:38
Don't do, it was easy. Don't do what your heart.
44:40
The, what's tempting to do is write, you know, why?
44:43
I remembered I'm going to mention this as a final note
44:46
that is shallow. We can we can end the
44:47
conversation before. I did my new car market was like
44:56
a few, a few months or a few weeks back.
44:57
I remember now the exact time frame, my wife, my my wife right
45:01
now. Now I'm remembering now we just
45:03
gave me some memories. She asks me like I think is a
45:05
good question to ask people that goes back to my point.
45:08
Now she was like, are you love within you know what, you know
45:11
when I was getting on my wife, very good question.
45:13
She asked me, do you love anyone?
45:15
And I actually thought a lot like I've never actually like
45:20
you know, I don't I replied here.
45:24
I think our drop that moment was like, I love you, I'm saying.
45:53
No, just we love you all for the sake of Allah And subscribe and
45:58
the sake of Allah. Subhan water, our guys will see
46:00
you next week for the other molecules.